Michigan's Offseason Practice Schedule [Exclusive]

Monday, August 31, 2009

I just got my hands on the Official Wolverine Offseason Practice/Workout Schedule. It's clearly mostly optional.

Click On the Pic to Enlarge

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Bronco Fans Put The 'Atic' in Fanatic

Last night, Denver Bronco Fans were proof why the saying goes, "Fan is simply short for fanatic". In booing Cutler all night, Bronco fans proved that they are unable to rationally analyze is a situation and instead are too apt to thrust blame where blame doesn't necessarily belong. Instead of treating the situation for what it is the Bronco fan will always despise Cutler for doing nothing wrong.

When you actually rationalize what happenned, and if you theoretically put yourself in Cutler's shoes, you would have done the exact same thing he did. You are a Pro Bowl quarterback in the NFL, and the new coach comes in and starts to dick around wtih you. Rational people get pissed at this. When some new boss comes in and starts tampering with your job you aren't going to be happy about this. And then when your new boss attempts to kiss and make up and you give him the simple question of "can you honestly say you aren't going to try to trade me in the future" and his answer is no, than you're going to want out. Again, you're not in a position where you should have to fight for a job. You are a Pro Bowl quarterback. You want a coach that will appreciate the fact that you have top 5 quarterback skills in this league. You don't want a coach who is going to try and trade for shitty Matt Cassel over you, and then can't promise that the job is yours for the time being.

Let me hammer this home, rational human beings don't want to work for someone that who's first move was to try and replace you and then when confronted could not say they weren't going to do it in the future. 90+% of us would have done the exact same thing Jay Cutler did. Yet, Bronco fans mercilessly boo him when the fault lays entirely at Josh McDaniels feet. When your team sucks this year Denver, maybe you should refocus that rage away from Jay Cutler and Brandon Marshall and onto your 33 year old head coach.

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Hi Joba Rules, Meet Matt Cain

The New York Yankees continue to insist that they play by the "Joba Rules". Joba Chamberlain must not exceed his innings limit, or his arm just might fall off. So they decided to spend the past few weeks toying with him and the rest of the pitching staff. He gets 8 days off here and there and now he's limited to 35 pitches in one of his starts. The Yankees have invested money in Joba, the best way to protect his arm is to not have it pitch. And yet everytime I see this I think to myself, Matt Cain.

Hi "Joba Rules", meet Matt Cain. Matt Cain is currently amongst the front runners for the Cy Young. The combination of Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain is the singular reason the Giants are tied for the wild card. He's a 24 year old horse who already has two 200 innings pitched seasons under his belt and is well on his way to his third consecutive season with 200 plus.

So how did Matt Cain develop into such a horse? He pitched, and he pitched a lot. In 2002 Matt Cain was drafted and threw just 17 innings in the minors. In 2003 he was lost for the season due to arm troubles. Then in 2004 the Giants ramped up the youngsters inning totals full throttle. As a 19 year old Matt Cain threw 158.2 innings. As a 20 year old Cain threw 192 innings between the minors and the Giants. A horse was born.

The Giants did exactly the opposite of what the Yankees are doing with Joba. They threw Cain, they threw him a lot and now he's a dominant beast capable of throwing potentially 220 innings this season. He has not broken down in any of the past 4 seasons.

Maybe Matt Cain has better mechanics than Joba. Maybe he's just better built for the long haul of an MLB season than Joba. I don't know. What I do know is that the two pitchers have incredibly similar builds (within an inch and 10 lbs), and that playing around with a pitchers inning totals isn't the only way to build up a pitcher. Just see Matt Cain.

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How the Hell Did No One Block the Kazmir Deal?

On friday night I turned on ESPN and saw "Angels Negotiating with Rays to acquire Scott Kazmir". In a baseball world where little more will shock me, my jaw went to the floor. How the hell did Scott Kazmir go through waivers all the way to the Angels? This makes absolutely positively no sense to me.

First off, why the hell are the Rays trading away Scott Kazmir right now? I understand that he's had a very bad year for his standards. But he's pitched better in the 2nd half of the season, 4-2 with a 4.41 ERA and more importantly he's still just 25 and signed for a not too unreasonable 20 million dollars over the next two seasons. Why are the Rays trading away a pitcher who should be helping their playoff push, when they're down just 4 games in the Wild Card, for two players to be named later? Are you simply throwing in the towel for this season? It certainly seems like that.

Next, and even more baffling, how does not one single team with a record worse than the Angels claim Scott Kazmir. Again, he's 25, has shown dominant stuff in the past, has a terrific career record against both the Red Sox and Yankees, is left handed, and throws 95. So if perchance the Rays were looking for a straight salary dump, than why not? Why wouldn't you want to pick him up. Tell me where else are you going to find a 25 year old 2-time all star with solid stats against the Yanks and Sox? If you are the Tigers and you're almost guaranteed to face either the Yankees or Red Sox or both in the playoffs, how are you not claiming him?

And if you think the Rays aren't looking to get rid of Kazmir as a straight salary dump, than how exactly do you not claim him just to block the Angels from picking him up. If you read MLB Trade Rumors or watched sportscenter at the deadline, rumors were abound that the Angels wanted Kazmir. So why if you are the Red Sox would you not claim him, just to make sure that the Angels can't utilize him against you in the first round of the playoffs. If you're a Red Sox Executive do you really want Kazmir pitching against you in Game 4 of the playoffs?

I'm baffled. I just don't understand how this trade actually happened.

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A Guide to Tailgaiting Games: Beersbie

Friday, August 28, 2009

College and NFL Football is right around the corner, so its time to review some of your best options for prepping for the big game.

The Guide On How to Play: Throw a frisbee at a ski pole with an empty beer on top. If you hit the poll and the can hits the ground you get two. If you hit the can with the frisbee and hit hits the ground you get 3. If you throw a catchable frisbee and it is dropped you get one. Here's a better explanation, if you desire more eloquence.

Complexity: Limited - Again, it's pretty much simple addition after each throw. There's basically under 5 rules. It's not rocket science.

Ability to Hold a Beer While Playing: Depends on If You Want to Win - If you want to win, you probably need your hands free to catch the frisbee, unless you can do everything one handed.

Is Beer Drinking the Objective: No - You can integrate it in if you want, but it could also be a game with side beers and consumption at your own pace.

Space Needed: 7-10 Yards - Depending on how hard you want the game to be you can move the ski polls closer or further apart.

Ease of Setup: Simple If you ski, than you have ski polls and beer bottles and everyone has one or two 10 cent frisbees. If you don't ski than you need some kind of pipe to set it up, which is simple enough to buy. The one and only downfall of setup for this game is that you need to play on grass because ski polls don't exactly stick in asphalt parking lots.

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2009 College Football Season Predictions

College Football is just around the corner so it's time to publish the sure to be wrong College Football Predictions. Last week I said that my preseason blogpoll was going to be aligned with my predictions but, well I changed my mind on the outcome of two games.

Conferences I Don't Care About Winners

Sun Belt: Louisiana Lafayette, cause their Ragin Cajuns.
CUSA East: Southern Miss, Home of Favre.
CUSA West: Houston, Cougars are fun
CUSA Winner: Southern Miss, It's another year of the Favre
MAC East: Bowling Green, ESPN is all about bowling in the fall
MAC West: Central Michigan, Directional Michigan Powerhouse
MAC Winner: Central Michigan, Continued Directional Dominance
Mountain West: TCU, Horned Frog Domination
WAC: Boise St., Smurf Turf Power

Important Conference Winners

ACC Atlantic: Florida St. Bobby Bowden's going old school and taking the ACC Atlantic which is remarkably weaker than the ACC Coastal. They might lose all three games to the ACC Coastal and still win their division.

ACC Coastal: VaTech Remember when Virginia Tech wasn't in the ACC and didn't win the conference every year? The Hokies will have solid competition in the division from Miami, GaTech, and UNC but they should still hold down the division fort.

ACC Winner: VaTech 20 Florida St. 13, One more ACC title game won by Virginia Tech in front of a near empty stadium. Oh boy, what fun.

Big East Winner: South Florida A BCS conference with zero teams ranked in the preseason top 25, that's powerhouse. Last year Cincy came out of nowhere to win the crown. This year my moneys on South Florida to finally take the championship on the legs and arms of Matt Grothe.

Big 10 Winner: tOSU, Last season the Buckeyes lost a single game in conference to the Nittany Lions. Their offense behind Terrelle Pryor couldn't do anything in their two biggest games. This season with a full season under his belt Pryor shall flourish and the Buckeyes will once again make their title push.

Big 12 North: Nebraska, I think we should rename the Big 12 North, The Big 12 Soft. Once again the North will work as the bitch to the south in both the regular season and the Conference Championship game. This season Bo Pelini will get his blackshirts into the title game to assume the bent over position.

Big 12 South: Oklahoma, Toss a coin in the Red River Shootout and you've picked your Big 12 South Champion. Sure Okie St. should provide a little challenge, but we all know Oklahoma or Texas is taking it home. Last season the Sooners made too many mistakes down the stretch to take out the Longhorns, this season I think things change.

Big 12 Title Game: Oklahoma 40 Nebraska 13, And Big 12 South kicks Big 12 North in the ass again.

Pac 10 Winner: USC, If there is a year that USC may be vulnerable it would be the year it loses all of their linebackers and their quarterback to the NFL draft. That year is now, so if you're Oregon or Cal if you're ever going to beat Pete Carroll this is your year. Problem is by the time you face them either Aaron Corp or Matt Barkley will likely be high flying and thump you anyway.

SEC East: Florida Even if you say that Florida is going to be down this year from last year and that the loss of Percy Harvin is going to hurt them tremendously, please find me one loss on their SEC schedule, nevermind two. They avoid their one stumbling block of Ole Miss this year and they avoid Alabama. They get LSU with an unproven QB on the road and they get the cocktail party against UGA's new offense.

SEC West: Alabama Speaking of LSU & Bama, it's flip a coin with them or Bama or take the hyped up Ole Miss squad. Ole Miss has the proven QB but Bama and LSU have the talent coming in on a year to year basis. I'm not comfortable picking Ole Miss to pull off the little upset, and Bama simply put has a way easier schedule than LSU.

SEC Winner: Florida 24 Bama 20, In a rematch of last years SEC title game, the Crimson Tide will once again come up short against the Gators.

Heisman Winner

It's a pretty rare occasion when the three biggest Heisman candidates from the previous season are all back, but this season will again focus on the Tebow, Bradford, McCoy triumverant. Sure some outside candidates will pop up. A running back here or there like Jahvid Best. Another quarterback like Jevan Snead. Perhaps a receiver like Dez Bryant and maybe even a Dback like Eric Berry. But it will once again come down to the triumverant.

Much of the comparison last year in the Heisman came down to overall touchdowns and the fact that Tebow had an "inferior" year to his previous season. I myself was on the Bradford for Heisman train last year at the end of the season. This year I think Tebow gets it done again. I think his numbers will once again be through the roof and I think instead of getting punished as a repeat contendor by the voters, I think he will get rewarded as he will be on his way to becoming the most successful college quarterback in history.

BCS Title Game Predictions

Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Penn St. - Penn St. and their joke schedule gets back to another BCS game to once again get their asses handed to them.

Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Oregon- Another Orange Bowl for the Hokies, ooh boy what fun. This time they get a team not from the Big East which they still manage to take down.

Rose Bowl: USC vs. Alabama - At this point in time both Bama and USC should have their QBs on a roll and their defenses in gear. Too bad for Bama, USC never loses the Rose Bowl unless it's called "The BCS Championship" so USC takes it down.

Sugar Bowl: Texas vs. Georgia Tech- Texas will lose just the Oklahoma game and will be chosen as the #1 team by the Sugar Bowl but since the Sugar Bowl has the last overall pick, they'll be playing the worst of the BCS teams. I have GaTech as the last team in, over any of the non-BCS conference teams. With a win over UGA again and a back and forth battle with VaTech, the Jackets could finish with 2 losses and with the Sugar Bowl in search for some southern love, they will be the perfect team to get their ass kicked by Texas.

National Title Game: Florida vs. tOSU

Ohio State has two games this season that they need to win and the rest will fall into place. In their favor they get USC early in the season when they will be rebuilding and they get them at home. Then later in the year they must beat Penn St. If they win those two games than there's a solid chance they will return back to the National Title Game to face... Florida again. And much like the last time they played in the title game, Florida will romp them.

Your National Champion is Florida... again... ugh

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2009 New York Jets Helmet Schedule


I put this up in my cubical... that is all.

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Who Do I Cheer For?

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Tonight will mark the first time in my life I will ever been in attendance for a professional tennis tournament. Having lived my entire life 20 minutes from New Haven site of the Pilot Pen tournament and a little more than an hour away from the US Open, it's kind of surprising that I have never gone, but I guess tonight is better late than never.

So what is in store for me the first night I ever attend a tennis match? Amelie Mauresmo vs. Svetlana Kuznetsova, two of the um... not so attractive women on the WTA.


Usually my motto for Women's tennis is root for the player who is the most attractive but right now I'm befuddled. In one corner there is the Russian Kuznetsova who likely has bigger arms and legs than me and in the other there is French Lesbian Amelie Mauresmo who certainly has a more chiseled face than me.

I honestly have no idea who to pull for. I just hope there isn't a lot of grunting. Why couldn't I have gotten Bondarenko?

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MLB Mustache Trivia

It's time to test your knowledge on some classic Major League Baseball Mustaches. Below you'll find a picture of 20 different mustaches to identify. If you're struggling you can try to identify the pictures with the help of a list of the 20 players. Now have at it.

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And the Cost of Living Is Going Up

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

In a day of work filled with meeting after meeting after meeting, I get a few minutes to check out the news and the first thing I see is that the Price of Beer Is Going Up. Isn't that just one more swooping kick to the wallet. And here I thought commodity prices were consistently going down, I guess not.

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Carlos Pena's Singles vs. Homers

Just because this is a hilarious stat, here is a progressive season chart of Carlos Pena's Single Totals vs. his Home Run Totals. Currently he has hit two more home runs (37) than singles this season (35).

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2009, The Year of Mets Devastation

Just for fun let's take a look at the New York Mets Opening Day Roster to see just how devastated the New York Mets Roster is. We shall do this by listing their 25 man roster according to team importance.

DISABLED
1. Johan Santana - DISABLED 8/26
2. Carlos Beltran - DISABLED 6/22
3. Jose Reyes - DISABLED 5/21
4. David Wright - DISABLED 8/16
6. Carlos Delgado - DISABLED
8. John Maine - DISABLED 6/7
9. Oliver Perez - DISABLED 6/25
10. JJ Putz - DISABLED 6/5
16. Alex Cora - DISABLED 8/19

PREVIOUSLY INJURED
15. Brian Schneider, DISABLED from April 18-May30

TRADED
11. Ryan Church
18. Ramon Castro

RELEASED
17. Livan Hernandez
24. Darren O'Day
25. Marlon Anderson

HEALTHY
5. Fransisco Rodriguez
7. Mike Pelfrey
12. Luis Castillo
13. Sean Green
14. Daniel Murphy
16. Pedro Feliciano
17. Fernando Tatis
19. Bobby Parnell
20. Brian Stokes.
21. Jeremy Reed

So to sum up only 10 of the 25 man opening day roster have remained healthy throughout the season. Of these 10 players only two could be categorized as amongst the 10 most important players on the roster. Only 2 of these players were considered everyday starters. The remainder is either bullpen or backups. In the end their 4 best hitters have been lost and 4 of their 5 starters in their opening day rotation is done.

2009 has been a bad year for the Mets.

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The Race for Bryce Harper

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

If Bryce Harper truly is the next chosen one than it's time to keep your eyes open as there is a race going on. A few months ago it all but seemed like a formality that the Washington Nationals would wind up drafting first for the second time in two seasons. But amidst a season of ineptitude the Nationals threw a crux in their last place hopes by winning 8 straight games. Now instead of a guaranteed slot at the top of the draft, they now must conduct a 5 week race with the Kansas City Royals. The Royals sit just 3.5 games in front of the Nationals, a lead which could very easily be given away if say Zach Greinke was shut down.

So how have the Royals managed to enter a discussion that everyone thought was already set in stone? Well a 10-26 record post All-Star Break is a start, as is the Nationals 18-20 mark since the break.

The combination of the Royals miserable play, the Nationals little up tick in play as well as the American League's overall superiority to the National League, this race is far from done.

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If You Can't Start Over Nick Sheridan, You Probably Aren't Very Good

Back in the late nineties when Vinny Testaverde was throwing interception after interception while Chad Pennington sat watching with a clipboard, I had a philosophy. My philosophy was that if Chad could not start over Testaverde than in all likelihood the former 1st round pick wasn't all that great. In the end it could be argued that I was wrong given the success that Chad has had since, but I still think this philosophy holds in many circumstances. If you can't start over someone that flat out isn't good, than in all likelihood you are either ludicrously unready to play, or you just aren't that good yourself.

In the past few days there has been an uproar in Ann Arbor that Rich Rodriguez just might play all three quarterbacks in the opener. In reality he was simply saying he really doesn't know who's going to start. The problem is that the fact Rodriguez has yet to rule out Nick Sheridan makes me wonder about freshman recruits Denard Robinson and Tate Forcier. What we know from one year of the Sheridan experience is that he's a very very bad quarterback and that with him the team loses ample amount of football games. So why has one of the highly touted recruits yet to supplant him?

If in two weeks Nick Sheridan takes the opening snaps I will be worried. In the back of my mind I will be thinking, are Forcier or Rbinson any good. And then when I see Sheridan throw a slant route 3 yards behind the slot receiver I will be 100% convinced that they are terrible. So here's hoping that none of the above happens and that it's either Robinson or Forcier taking that first snap.

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Dear Mr. Minaya and Mr. Wilpon

Dear Mr. Minaya and Mr. Wilpon,

Regretfully this letter is to inform you that I, Mr. Met will no longer be attending any Met game for the remainder of the season. Mrs. Met has informed me how poor our current medical insurance is and after watching every single valuable player on the Mets go down due to injury we have concluded that it would be wise if I was to stay away for the rest of the year.

I'm sorry to inform you of this on such short notice, but it is what it is. I feel like I'm watching Final Destination 38: Attack at Citi Field, and I'm jumping ship before some beam at the stadium turns my head into mashed baseballs.

See You Next Year,
MR. MET

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Let's Hook Up NYC and Nobody Else

Monday, August 24, 2009


Ever wanted to get the NFL Direct TV package but weren't able to because of extenuating circumstances that forced you to be unable to purchase Direct TV period? Well now you sir are in luck, Direct TV is allowing lucky customers the opportunity to purchase just the NFL Ticket Package to be watched on your PC. No satellites needed, just you, your laptop and a lot of football.

Sounds great right? You're a huge Pittsburgh fan but you moved out to Chicago and your stupid 20 story apartment building won't allow you to hang out a dish on their roof. So you call up Direct TV order the online package and you shall never be denied. You think you're in the money until... they tell you that this service is only available for those that live in Manhattan.

Yep, just Manhattan. Not even people in Queens, the Bronx, or Brooklyn can get this online only package. In fact to get to the offer you need to go to www.directtv.com/MANHATTAN.

Thanks DirectTV for absolutely positively nothing.

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Hi I'm Lou Holtz, I Snort Mushrooms







Oh yay, a Lou Holtz Notre Dame prediction we all can take seriously. They're going to play in the National Title game!!! Because their schedule sucks!!!

Hey Lou, you forgot that they're going to get pummeled by USC amongst many many other things, like the fact that they've been terrible for the past two seasons.

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This Weekend In Gambling

This is a representation of my weekend at the Casino.


1st round of craps: Never did I have more chips then I started wtih. Lost 70 bucks relatively quickly and decided to get off the table. I then watched the table get hot and my friends make money.

2nd round of craps: After a trip to the ATM, I quickly lost a hundred and decided that craps was shitting on me and that I was giving up and just putting the rest of my money on Black.

Roullette: Grab all the chips in my pocket and throw it on black. It's RED and I missed a chip in my pocket, bullshit. I head back to the craps table and watch someone have a ludicrous role in which everyone won 200+.

After 200 dollars of quick losing I was fed up. Luck of the Irish, my ass.

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Atlantic City for the Weekend

Friday, August 21, 2009


I'm headed to a bachelor party in Atlantic City for the weekend. The reason I tell you this is that there's a solid chance I won't post on monday due to, too damn hungover. In the off chance I don't post on monday through wednesday, please inform the authorities that someone might have been eaten by a Tiger in Atlantic City. Thanks. Simon...

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The Carpenter Is Quietly Sneaking Towards the Cy Young

At the beginning of this season it is safe to say that nobody in St. Louis truly knew what they were going to get out of Chris Carpenter. With the amount of injury problems he's had in the recent years and his struggles to return from them, how exactly could you. Then after he left his second start with another injury and another trip to the Disabled List, panic mode once again set in in the city of the Arch.

Now we sit in the middle of August and Chris Carpenter looks like his old self. He's mowing down hitters left and right and picking up wins at every turn. Carpenter has won four in a row during the month of August and overall it would be 9 in a row had Ryan Franklin not blown a 1 run lead to the Astros in late July. He's been arguably the most consistent pitcher in the National League having the leagues highest Quality Start %, the league's best ERA, and the league's second best WHIP.

Chris Carpenter is officially back, and is arguably the biggest reason why the Cardinals have gone from out of the playoffs last year to seven games in the lead this season.

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Maybe If You Had Done Some of This Last Year...


You wouldn't have mortally wounded my fantasy team. Instead in 2008 you were simply Chad Ochocinco and not Esteban Ochocinco, thus you did not pick up random extra fantasy points via kicks you instead did absolutely positively nothing.

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A Guide To Tailgaiting Games: Cornhole

Thursday, August 20, 2009

College and NFL Football is right around the corner, so its time to review some of your best options for prepping for the big game.

The Guide On How to Play



Complexity: Limited - You pretty much can be blacked out and still remember how to play this game. Get it in the hole = 3. Land it on the box = 1. And from there you have to do first grade addition and subtraction. Not bad.

Ability to Hold a Beer While Playing: Great - If you can't hold a beer while throwing a 1 pound bean bag than you should work on your balance.

Is Beer Drinking the Objective: No - You can consume as much or as little as you want while playing this game. We suggest the more the merrier.

Space Needed: 10+ Yards - This is a major negative for the game. There's meant to be a lot of space between the boards. A lot of space. This forces you to get to your point of interest very early to stake claim on the ground. It also allows your drunken friends to stumble into the game, be jackasses and just swat the throws away from the actual board.

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And That'll Be Two Years In Prison for Being a Moron

God I love our legal system. We live in a country where three people of relatively equal fame can commit three highly different crimes and get three different jail sentences.

Michael Vick set up a massive gambling ring and consciously watched dogs get brutally killed. 2 Years

Donte Stallworth consciously got into the car while intoxicated and inadvertently wound up running over and killing a man. 1 month

Plaxico Burress consciously brought a concealed weapon into a night club and inadvertently shot himself in the leg. 2 years.

I'm not going to say that Plaxico does not deserve to go to jail. This is not my call. But of the three crimes committed, his is the only one where nothing on this earth was effected by it other than himself. The man shot himself in the leg. He's really being punished on the theoretical of what could have happened at some point in time because he brought a gun into the city. That's it. Theoretically everytime you sit down to eat a steak at a restaurant you could wield the knife at your waiter's throat. Eating a steak at a restaurant is not a crime. In part it seems as if Burress was doomed when Mayor Bloomberg came out and essentially said he wanted Burress to be turned into an example.

With Vick and Stallworth on the other hand something actually did happen. Countless dogs were brutally killed, either in fight with another dog or simply drowned or electrocuted by Vick's posse. In Stallworth's case a human being is dead. Dead as in never ever going to be alive again.

In conclusion, when weighing the three different crimes and their resulting sentences it would appear as if Justice is mostly fickle and only sometimes blind.

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Why Doesn't the Real World Have a Waiver-Wire?

Last night Jon Garland became the latest and greatest MLB player to clear the waiver wire. The Diamondbacks have garnered two things from this move. They A) Now know that nobody thinks Jon Garland is worth the money that they are currently paying him and B) they can trade Garland to any team that may want him.

The Waiver Wire as a whole is an interesting concept. A team gets the opportunity to put a player on the waiver wire and see if anybody claims him. If no one does, they are free to do whatever they want with the player. If someone claims him than they can either negotiate a deal with the claimed team for return pieces, or they can pull the player off the waiver wire and return them to their roster.

What if this played out in the real world? I think it could lead to some very interesting behavior. Could you imagine how quickly Ken Lewis would clear the waiver wire? The real question is how much of his salary would they have to pay off in a deal and what could they get in return.

What if they did this to the common employee like you or I? What if my company put me on the waiver wire and I was claimed by IBM? Would my company just decide to dump me? I'm guessing yes. Maybe they'd ask for a chicken cutlet sandwich in return.

How about you? What do you think would happen to you if your company through you on the waiver wire? Would you clear waivers because you're overpaid or because no other company knows who you are? Would you get claimed and traded for?

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Preseason Blogpoll Rankings

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

This season I have been included into the blogpoll this season which I very much appreciate. With this inclusion I shall have to forego one of the stances I've made in my past polls, not doing a preseason poll. As I've stated on several occasions I disagree with the premise of preseason polls for one major reason, they should have no effect on how the rankings fluctuate over the course of the season. And I will make sure it does not have any effect on my rankings. The rankings will stay 100% resume based. The idea of quality wins and bad losses will fluctuate just as much as the rankings will. So if I think Alabama is a solid team now, but they lose 6 games this season, than I was obviously wrong so beating them would no longer be qualified as a quality win. You get my drift.

So here goes it...

RankTeam
1 Florida
2 Southern Cal
3 Texas
4 Oklahoma
5 Virginia Tech
6 Ohio State
7 Alabama
8 LSU
9 Oregon
10 Mississippi
11 Oklahoma State
12 Penn State
13 Georgia Tech
14 Georgia
15 California
16 TCU
17 Florida State
18 North Carolina
19 Nebraska
20 Boise State
21 Utah
22 Iowa
23 South Florida
24 Oregon State
25 Pittsburgh

In my humble opinion the preseason poll is essentially your personal prediction of what will happen during the football season. So if I think VaTech is going to win the ACC and win the Orange Bowl, than I'm going to put them higher than the general public.

If you feel like arguing about the preseason poll with me, please save your voice for Week 1 through Bowl Week.

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This Just In, Derek Jeter is Again a Beast

Over the past few seasons Derek Jeter has been on a steady decline. His overall batting numbers and especially his power numbers have decreased. His fielding and range has been much maligned. All of this has lead to many a published article proclaiming Jeter as the most overrated player in Major League Baseball.

In 2009 however Derek Jeter might be one of the most overlooked superstar in major league baseball. Did you know that Jeter this season has reemerged as a .330 & 400 OBP hitter? Did you know that Jeter could potentially reach his first 20/20 season since 2004? Did you know Jeter is well on his way to his 13th season in which he eclipses to 100 Run mark?

Then we come to the most surprising at all, Jeter's resergence with the glove. Since Fangraphs started charting UZR rating in 2002, Jeter has never been deamed a better than average shortstop, until 2009. In 2009 Jeter's current UZR rating is 5.6 which places his 5th among all of major league shortstops.

While the media is proclaiming Mark Teixeira as the odds on MVP favorite, the case for Jeter can be easily made. He plays a more valuable position, by far. He's the team captain and leader. By Fangraphs Value system, Jeter is worth far more to the Yankees than Teixeira has been this season.

And yet with all of his statistical merrits and golden boy popularity, somehow someway, Jeter's great season has slipped below the major media radar. It's time to give the man his due again, he's once again the best shortstop and amongst the best all around players in the American League.

Posted by Simon at 9:25 AM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Time To Ship the Jets Brett Favre Merchandise to Nicaragua

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

With the news today that Brett Favre is going to officially be a Minnesota Viking, I think it's time for the Jets to ship all of this garbage down to Nicaragua with all the undefeated Patriot gear.

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Brett Favre is a Funny Man

Here's the deal with this Brett Favre news, and I'm going to make this post incredibly incredibly brief, he's really just a child who can't make up his mind. It's absoultely positively hilarious. I mean you really can't make this shit up. He's essentially an old boxer that can't figure out when to get out. One day he's retired, the next he's working out, the next he's retired but still working out? Come on this is priceless.

I understand that everyones going to say the media hype has been jammed down our throats with Brett Favre this and Brett Favre that and Brett Favre this for 3+ years now but please admit this is funny. The fact that anybody even believed the latest retirement is the most hilarious of it all. Why would you ever believe a single sentence in which Brett Favre uttters the word retirement? I guess people are just flat out stupid.

And just think about this for a second. The Vikings just signed a 39 year old man, who's shoulder failed him miserably last season and who can never make up his mind whether he does or does not want to play to a 10 to 12 million dollar contract. They could have signed Michael Vick, a 29 year old former pro bowler, to a contract nearly 1/10th of the value of Favre's. But nope they're going for the old man with the Arm Punts.

This is going to end in hilarious failure. And best yet we can even get more humor next season when he can't make up his mind yet again. Thank you, Brett Favre, for making me laugh so much and giving me the opportunity to create more episodes of Arm Punt Formations.

Posted by Simon at 12:09 PM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Rejoice Duke Haters, Greg Paulus Is Now a Starting Quarterback For a Bad Football Team

Have you, much like I, found Greg Paulus to be one of the most annoying Duke Basketball players of all time? Have you enjoyed him getting tea-bagged on dunks or watching him melt on the sidelines during Duke's annual tournament loss? Have you ever thought man, I wish someone would just foul the shit out of him to wipe that god damn smirk off his face? Well you sir are now in luck. You sir will get the opportunity to witness Greg Paulus get pummeled into submission on a weekly basis this fall, as Greg Paulus is now officially the starting quarterback for Syracuse.

Yes that is the same Syracuse football team that has gone 16-43 over their last five seasons. The same team that routinely schedules 3 BCS OOC Opponents yearly to go along with their Big East schedule. Thus Greg Paulus shall suit up against BCS Conference opponents in 11 of their 12 games, this includes games against Minnesota (live on ESPN2 on September 5th) and at Penn State the next season. The combination of a bad team facing consistently better teams equals a lot of hits taken by the quarterback. So suit up, get ready, and enjoy watching Greg Paulus get taken down by 300 lb defensive lineman.

In all honesty I'm kind of rooting for him to play well. I don't know why. I still want to see him get crushed on many plays, but in some sick way twisted way I'm pulling for him. Perhaps it's because he's just one of two players I've inducted into the Hall of the Overhyped and maybe I hope he somehow pulls off a miracle story.

Posted by Simon at 10:29 AM 1 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

What Major Did I Win?

With this years Major Winners being a 4-some of shocking winners, 3 of which being newbies, what better time than now to test out your knowledge on 20 other 1-time Major winners and see if you can correctly remember which Major they took home.



Check Out Some More SimonOnSports Trivia
The Ladies of Jeter
Bodies of the WTA
NBA Draft Suit Trivia
Name That Bobblehead
PGA Golf Wife Trivia
Cheerleader PhotoHunt Extravaganza
Silhouette Trivia: Very Fat Football Coaches
And More...

Posted by Simon at 8:48 AM 1 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

There's At Least One Person Dumber Than You

Monday, August 17, 2009

Everyday there's one more story that makes you question the human races overall intelligence. You start wondering if its possible that society can get dumber and then the next day there's a new article that verifies that we in fact can.

Today's example of incredible moronity is an Irish Gambling Booky. This particular booky, named Paddy Power, decided that the PGA Tournament was in the bag and that he might as well just pay off all the gamblers who bet on the worlds #1. In all he paid off around 2.12$ million dollars. The problem is, Tiger Woods didn't win. Y.E. Yang won, and thus he paid off $2.12 million dollars to losers. Money that should have been in his pocket.

This begs the question why would a bookmaker ever pay out anyone before the result is finalized? The answer? Apparently "they're dimwits".

Courtesy of Reuters

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Fun with the AL East Standings

Here's a fun little chart I put together which shows the progressive standings of the AL East throughout the season. You'll notice the Yankees going up since the all star break and everybody else plummeting like a rock. Does this look like anything you may have seen in the early 00s Red Sox fans?

Posted by Simon at 2:39 PM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

This Weekend In Head Hunting: Hiroki Kuroda

And if you thought David Wright's looked bad, how about getting hit in the head without a helmet on...

Hiroki Kuroda now has 2/3 of a second to react

Hiroki no longer has 2/3 of a second

Down Goes Hiroki

Is that a ground rule double?

Bring out the Medical Staff Immediately.

The amazing part about this is that Kuroda broke nothing, there was no bleeding, and he somehow might actually not wind up on the disable list. Either he's got super Asian strong skull or he is one lucky S.O.B.

If you want to watch the video of Hiroki Kuroda getting hit in the head you can at Dodgers.com.

Posted by Simon at 11:55 AM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

This Weekend In Head Hunting: David Wright

Just when you thought the Mets couldn't lose any more players...

Matt Cain Squares up David Wright's Earhole

Look at that Ricochet

Down Goes David

And Someone's a bit Woozy.

Damn 94 mph Fastballs to the head must hurt. If you want to watch the Video of David Wright Getting Hit in the Head, you can do it at Mets.com

Posted by Simon at 10:30 AM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Today Is Washington Nationals D-Day

Months ago on draft day the Nationals had one of two options, either they draft the best player available and how to work out the contract demands of Satan, aka Scott Boras, or they could simply admit immediate defeat and opt to draft an eminently more signable player. The Nationals opted to man up and draft Stephen Strasberg and his 100 mph flames and try to work out a deal with the devil. Tonight at midnight the clock will strike and we will have found out whether Nationals were at all serious on draft day when they chose Strasberg or if they just fumbled away another potential key component to their success.

The options for the Nationals right now are to either shell out the record breaking contract which Boras demands, or sit back forego this years draft pick and draft twice at the top of the draft next season. Unfortunately thanks to a rule which makes the Nationals inelligible to draft Strasberg again next season their option of getting the best pitching prospect potentially of all time ends tonight.

For Strasburg the options are either compromise a little bit and take on what will, regardless of the final million dollar total, set him up for life or he could sit around for a year making chump change in some independent league or Japan and hope that next years draft treats him more kindly. I understand that Boras has done this tons of times with his clients and for some it has worked out (Jared Weaver) and for others it failed miserably (Matt Harrington). But why risk it if your Strasberg and you're already guaranteed millions upon millions of dollars? Just upon the chance that you can get more, maybe, the next season?

Tonight we shall see if the Nationals were serious on draft day and if Strasberg is all about baseball or all about money. At some point in time you would hope that as a 22 year old, the largest draft contract in the history of baseball would be enough, but with Scott Boras as your agent you never know.

Posted by Simon at 8:36 AM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

The One Man Left Who Would Shock Me If He Took PEDs

Friday, August 14, 2009

As each addition steroid abusers name comes out, society is becoming less and less surprised by each announcement. So much so that I've often heard a debate bantered about on the radio and casual circles. This debate starts like this, "Man, I wouldn't be surprised if anybody gets busted for steroids anymore. Except for Jeter, that would shock me." Then the counter party will reply with "Have you looked at his power numbers? Big spike there in the steroid era, Jeter wouldn't shock me. Pedro would shock me, that dude was a twig." I myself have 1 man who if he tested positive for steroids I believe the Earth would collapse and the Apocolypse would begin. That man is David Eckstein.

Just look at him. He weighs maybe 150 pounds and he's 5 foot 6. He's got 33 home runs in ten seasons. The man can't even swing a full sized bat so he chokes up for each pitch and jumnp swings at the ball. And when he throws the ball he barely reaches first base. He looks less like a professional athlete than John Daly (perhaps that was a bit too far). But there is no possible way David Eckstein gets busted for steroids. If he does, than I'm convinced every single baseball player ever has taken it.

Do you have that one guy you'll still be shocked about?

Posted by Simon at 2:36 PM 1 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Thou Shalt Protect Thy Nuts

I'm of the opinion that a cup is the most uncomfortable article of clothing a male can ever wear. It turns your parts into an oven. It chaffes your legs. Its just terrible all around. And so I have avoided wearing it ever since I moved to the outfield back in high school and now I don't wear one when on occasion I do play the infield. Unfortunately for Adrian Beltre there's a big difference in not wearing a cup as a major league baseball third baseman than not wearing one in a softball beer league. For Beltre, his lack of wearing a cup, where professional hitters rope laser beams, resulted in the tearing of a testicle and internal bleeding.

For Adrian Beltre, I'd imagine he's likely going to wear a cup from now on. I would think that tearing your testicle to the extent where you potentially need surgery is enough to convince a man that in the future, thou shalt protect thy nuts.

Posted by Simon at 11:36 AM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Vick the Iggle

It's finally done, we know where Michael Vick will be putting on spikes this fall, he will be a Philadelphia Iggle. My response to this is relative shock, the Eagles weren't even remotely on my radar. I would have thought Vick would have wanted a situation where he could potentially win over the starting position, but in Philadelphia you'd have to imagine that this won't be the case, even after McNabb's lame benching last season.

So what will his role in Philly entail? Will he simply be put in situations for the creation of the WildDog formation? Will the Iggles use him at the same time as McNabb and run the A11? God that would be awesome. Will he just sit on the bench and do absolutely nothing? Really only time will tell.

As of right now I see this as a limited risk, potentially large reward situation for the Iggles. I think any distraction to the team will be completely overstated. I think this is gives the Iggles a viable backup in case McNabb goes down. This also gives them a superior athlete to use in any situation. If he still has the speed and skills that he once had, he could easily be used as a complemantary third down back to Westbrook. He could be used in the slot. He could be used in the wild cat. They could run the option if they wanted to.

Whatever happens, this sure gives the Iggles Offensive Coordinator incentive to get a little creative with his play design. It should be exciting.

Posted by Simon at 9:57 AM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

The Nets Are Really Really Desperate to Sell Tickets

Just how desperate are the Nets to sell tickets this season? Desperate enough to sell jerseys of their opponents. Oh the hilarity.


But fear not you could decide to wear the Jarvis Hayes side instead of the Lebron side if you in fact are a New Jersey Net fan. But considering the probability that anybody is a New Jersey Net fan, I find that highly doubtful.

And just to top off the humor, here's a quote from the Nets CEO.

“The reality of the situation is that many of our fans like the opposing players and teams and that’s great,” said Nets chief executive Brett Yormark. “When you come to our games, the concessionaire is selling the opposing team’s jerseys, so why not give them away?”

Also, don't stay on the New Jersey Nets website too long or Devin Harris will threaten to speak to you. Scary.


Courtesy of CNBC

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Now With Over 1 Million Page Views

Thursday, August 13, 2009


It's a proud day here at SimonOnSports. This week the site has officially eclipsed the 1 million page view mark. This is cause for celebration. Where shall I splurge the 120$ I make a month?

Posted by Simon at 3:24 PM 1 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

These Are the Dumbest Uniforms of All Time

It's time for the inagural UFL football season where uniforms need BRIGHT COLORS! With uniforms that are bright green and a light blue what would you guess the team name would be? The Aliens or Martians? Nope. The Galaxy? Nope. The Lazer? Nope. The Lizards or Dinosaurs or Raptors or something reptilian? Nope. I bet I can go on and on and on and you would never ever be able to guess what this uniforms nickname could possibly be. Even if I told you that the team was the California R________s, you probably still wouldn't get it. So any last guesses?

How about the California Redwood? Yes. Bright Green and Blue, that screams Redwood. Or not. Hello Morons. Just in case they didn't know, Redwoods look like this.

Posted by Simon at 3:03 PM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!
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