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Hi I'm Rick Reilly.

I work for ESPN now and they put me on television instead of just leaving me in print. You might notice me from my appearance helping Berman and Joe Morgan announce the home run derby. Yes, I was attempting to make a lot of jokes and be Mr. Funny Guy. Yes, I acted like a complete ass and my joke about Mark McGwire was more played out than Omar Vizquel. Additionally, how astute was my observation that there were only white guys in the home run derby and my follow up of another not so funny joke.

If you're wondering I did in fact get the majority of my broadcasting lessons from Dennis Miller. Next time, I will attempt to make at least one joke funny. I promise.

Thanks,
Rick

A little bit over two weeks ago I took the media to task, namely Michael Kay, for their completely incorrect criticism of how the Yankees were handling Joba. And I would like to say now only 3 weeks later that I was right you were wrong, I'm smart you're stupid, I'm stunningly handsome you have eaten one too many donuts (probably way more than 1).

In 4 starts since the Yankees inserted Joba as a starter the team is 3-1 with their only loss coming in his first outing against the Toronto Blue Jays. An outing where the Yanks faced Roy Halladay so the chances of winning are incredibly diminished. An outing in which Veras and Edwar gave up 6 runs in the 7th inning. Every fan would sign up for any pitcher to go 3-1 with the lone loss coming against a Cy Young opponent.

Since the first start the Yanks have gone from 2 games under .500 to 7 games over .500, but that's not really the point. The point is that this month Joba has given the Yanks 18 1/3 major league innings and has given 5 earned runs during that period. So instead of having Kei Igawa or some replacement throw those innings, they got a 2.50 ERA over 18 major league innings and in the process have lucked out into training Dan Giese to be the initial filler for the Yankees injured Wang.

So once again Michael Kay baffles with his blatantly wrong opinions and analysis, let's see if he actually admits it for once.

How many frigging layups could you possibly take/miss. God damn couldn't someone have taken a single trick shot instead of a jumper or a layup. The biggest trick shot made was a simple bounce off the backboard tap in move.

Plain layups should be banned from games of HORSE, period.

One would think that when you are advertising a series already in progress you would know who was actually involved in the Series rather especially if it was being broadcast on your own family of networks. Yet apparently ESPN could only get pictures of Kobe and KG right but not the teams they play for. I wonder which Superstar is on TEAM 1 and which is on TEAM 2.

It's for these stories to die it's time for me to not turn on my television or radio station and listen to people chronicling every minute detail of Homo & Simpson's relationship or of Matt Walsh and spygate. These stories are no longer in need of 24/7 coverage, they're in need of fading into the background only to be brought up in the case of some ridiculous new revelation.

For instance these stories would be acceptable news for the Homo & Simpson relationship. Certainly not a potential breakup, they've done that about 7 times already, rather it would be acceptable news and entertaining news if there was a Homo interview in which he disclosed that Jessica Simpson only allows anal sex because she doesn't want to loosen her other parts. Now that would be newsworthy, that would be entertaining. Not, hey look at Tony and Jessica on a date. Wow they're in public and not living in a Bubble, who gives a crap.

These stories would be acceptable for Spygate. Bill Belichick caught setting up voyeur cameras in the Road Locker room which he uses to give insult jokes for players on his staff. For instance, a potential conversation he could have with Richard Seymour.

"Hey Richard, I checked out the Jets locker room tape and not only does D'Brickashaw Ferguson have an incredibly small penis for a 6 foot 4 African American, but it looked like he intentionally dropped the soap in the shower multiple times looking for his fellow lineman to take advantage of him prison scene style. He almost looked disappointed and depressed when he left the shower."

Now breaking that story would be entertaining and newsworthy. Not rehashing over and over again that the Patriots taped teams signals. No kidding, we've known this for almost a full year.

So please media, can we just let these stories die until we actually get something that is at the very least relatively interesting.

Dice-K's projected stats are unreal. 108 Games, in your Mike Marshall Dice-K's got you by two. 594 innings, what a rubber arm but just shy of Will White's single season record of 680. 54 wins again just shy of Old Hoss Radbourn's 59 wins. But with 810 strikeouts, Dice-K can knock off Old Hoss in the K department. That WHIP of .77 is phenomenal but just shy of good ole Pedro's mark in 2000. Perhaps knocking off Bert Blyleven's home runs allowed record would be bad, but whatever, that's what happens when you throw 594 innings.

So I was listening to the Michael Kay show on my way home from work yesterday and they were discussing how the Mets as a franchise still do not have a no hitter during their long history. Than somehow that divulged in to mentioning the Yankees two perfect games in back to back seasons by the David's, Cone and Wells. Than for some reason LaGreca's illogical Met fanaticism stepped in and he started discrediting Cone's Perfect Game because it came against a miserable team in the Expos. Discrediting a perfect game against anyone is stupid, but saying the Expos were a lousy hitting team that season was even more stupid.

Let's first point out the fact that the Expos roster which David Cone threw a perfect game against consisted of several all stars. First off they had Vlad Guerrero, the same player who has never in his entire career hit below .300. I'm sure it was very easy to get out Guerrero in every at bat given the fact he had 194 hits that season. Yep easy. They also had Jose Vidro at the start of his prime. Vidro hit .304 in 1999 and went on to hit in the higher .300s for the next 5 seasons. Additionally they had Rondell White in his prime. In 1999 arguably had the best season of his career when he hit .312. Finally they had a young Orlando Cabrera who has spent a year or so in the league.

I'm not going to make the case that it was a great Expos line up, but how can you seriously discount a perfect game simply because their opponent has a bad record. They had Vlad Guerrero, a player that has averaged well over a hit per game his entire career. And furthermore, didn't the 1999 Mets play the very same Expos several more times during that season than the Yankees? Where was their No-Hitter if the Expos were so miserable? Perhaps you should have just agreed that it is piss poor than in their entire franchise history the Mets have yet to throw a no hitter.

It's been a very long time since Max Kellerman quit Around the Horn to move onto his unsuccessful show IMax, but today he said something on his radio show on 1050 ESPN Radio that I found humurous. Basically when Bob Ryan was on the show, which wasn't that often, he would just agree with all of the arguments Ryan presented and intentionally placed him in the finals to piss off the other contestants. He said he would usually pit Ryan against Woody and have Ryan win, just so he could annoy the other guys.

I bet Jay Mariotti went home daily crying like a little girl. "Max doesn't like me, wah wah. Why doesn't he like me?"

ESPN asked all of their 'experts' a variety of questions surrounding the tournament and it's very apparent that Dick Vitale loves chalk. He absolutely loves chalk.

What mid-major is most likely to pull a George Mason '06?
Vitale: None

What double-digit seed will make the Sweet 16?
Vitale: None

Who are your sleeper Final Four picks?
Vitale: I only consider teams seeded fifth or lower as sleepers, and I don't think any will make the Final Four.

Plus most of these are qualifying questions. Every team has a likeliness to do something. Mount St. Mary could make the final four. Is it likely? No. It would probably take several bus crashes, a tornado, and Hansbrough's legs chainsawed off. But it's possible. Would it be hard to say Drake is more likely to make the Final Four than the rest of the teams. It's not even going out on a limb. Same thing with the sleeper Final Four Picks. Just throw out a 6 seed. Is it that hard? Here we go, I'll do it for you. Marquette is a big time sleeper. Wow that was tough. And he can't possibly believe that absolutely no 10 seed or above is going to make it into the Sweet 16. Not one.

The rest of his answers are very chalky. Only 1 and 2 seeds in the Final Four. The Tarheels winning it all. All #1 seeds making the elite 8. I can't be one to complain to much as my bracket is ridiculously chalky, but I don't get paid to make picks. If tournaments were played in Dick Vitale's mind they would be incredibly boring and probably gross given the fellatio he would want to give Hansbrough.

After informing the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentleman about the delicious Stephen A. Cheez Doodles segment. They did what I was too lazy to do. Purchase the podcast and put the audio to youtube.



That was even more preposterous than I remembered.

Stephen A. Smith opened his NYC radio broadcast venting on the Knicks. Nothing new there. The first hour of his show is NYC only and thus being a basketball guy he yells and screams about the Knicks a lot. Pretty much every show opens with the same Knick vent. But apparently the 40 point beat down pushed Stephen A. to new levels. Levels to which I have never heard from Stephen. And what was that level? Stephen A. screaming about his affinity for Cheese Doodles.

After the typical yelling and screaming about the Knicks for a few minutes, Stephen A. turned the majority of the venting into a a platform for his favorite snack, Cheese Doodles. He mentioned how when he gets frustrated he eats cheese doodles. He warned the callers that they might hear him munching on cheese doodles in the background. But the best of the bunch centered on the fat center for the New York Knicks, when Stephen A. proclamed that he would trade Eddy Curry for a bag of Cheese Doodles.

Yes, Cheese Doodles are truly essential to Stephen A.'s existence.

EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT

February 6th 2008 was supposed to be the day when 18 year olds decide who will come to hate them during their next 4 years. For Terrelle Pryor however, the decision has been made to delay the inevitable. Pryor was previously scheduled to appear on the ESPN family of networks to announce which Big 10 school would come to love him and which 2 rival Big 10 schools would really come to hate him. Instead he's decided to let everybody linger.

The original front runners of Ohio St. have to be concerned that he's rethinking his decision. The Wolverines have to be wondering why he doesn't jump at the opportunity to start 4 years at the Big House. In state Penn St. must be wondering why he would want to play out of state. And finally Oregon must be thrilled at the simple opportunity to potentially get into the mix. Time to get that Nike train moving on the recruiting trail.

Me? I just want it over with and would like to soon find out if the Wolverines are going to be good or mediocre in 2008, and for now it appears as if I and the rest of the Big 10 and Duck fans will just have to wait some more.

For those questioning the legitimacy of Stephen A's blog I transcribed his radio conversation from today where he divulged his new website to his 3 non deaf listeners. Also you can listen to it here while it's still up on his 1050 page. The divulgance is at the 9:50 mark. Anyway here's the transcript.

Stephen A: Mike did I tell you I got my own website?

Mikey Miss: Ya I heard about that.

Stephen A: StephenA.commmmm

Mikey Miss: How about that?

Stephen A: You know read my blog, I'm gonna write a weekly blog. I got my own email address. My own guest list. All that stuff. My events. You know what I'm saying. My bio. All of that stuff. I decided, my family convinced me to do it. So I decided to do it. StephenA.com. You know I had to fight for months to get ownership of my own daggone name. Somebody else got StephenASmith.com. I had to get StephenA.com It that ridiculous.

Mikey Miss: Common Name

Stephen A: That's Ridiculous. No people were doing it and holding onto it so they could make money off of me.

Mikey Miss: You didn't buy it back?

Stephen A: I had to buy it back for 5 but I only paid 500 dollar, they tried to charge me like 20 thousand. I was like you must be on drugs I was gonna sue em. But than I said to expedite the process [mumbles] you take it for 500 dollars, I'll give you the 500 dollars that's all your getting. That's what I ended up doing. To get my name. MY NAME. MINE. ITS RIDICULOUS. I was ready to sue em. You know there's laws against that. Don't Get me started with the court system. [Typical Radio Sign Off]

So that last paragraph was quality. Stephen A's name is his and only his and all your URLS are belong to him. And apparently he's already late in making his second post for his 'weekly blog'. Good Luck Mr. Smith.

Maybe it was a discussion with Big Mouth Salisbury that got him to reconsider, but former journalist/big mouth/talking head Stephen A. Smith has now ventured into the blogging world. The very same media stream you said 'should not be allowed to disseminate information' is now you're lone outlet for penning your babble.

Oh what irony Stephen A. You criticize those like me and then within a month come and join the pack with your very own website. Thus far there is only a singular post penned on Stephen's blog, which simply put is horribly formatted and all over the place. Here's hoping that in the very near future Stephen includes personal photos of himself eating cheese doodles in sock puppet form. That should help him earn some blogger credibility.

'EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT'

Note 2: Here is a transcription of his divulgence if you are a skeptic.

Note 1: For those that for some reason think its fake, I found out about the website from listening to his radio show. (Yes I desire to go deaf). Stephen A and his partner are on for 2 hours in NYC not just the single national hour. During the NYC only hour Missanelli said that Stephen A had a website and Stephen A mentioned it and started complaining about people owning the naming rights. Additional he made statements similar to his blog post about not ever wanting a website but his family telling him he should have one. So unless he lies on his own show, not that doubtful, its a real blog and real site.

Speaking of ESPN Bowl Mania, they couldn't get a sponsor for their game? Every meaningless bowl game is sponsored by someone yet their Bowl Pick 'Em which will probably be viewed as much as the GMAC or Independence or Poinsettia Bowl couldn't get a better sponsorship than the NBA on ESPN? That's pretty pathetic.

We'll do this post in question and answer form.

Why do I personally believe the Red Sox will be better next season?

The Red Sox, if they sign Lowell, will bring back almost the entirety of their roster so what could make this team better or worse really? Simply put the development of some key prospects that were showing signs during the last two months as well as playoffs. Jacoby Ellsbury during the World Series and playoffs in general flashed abilities which are perfect for the leadoff role. He has lightning quickness, has the ability to hit for terrific average, is clutch and has a general knack to be disruptive. Oh and he hit .438 in the World Series. Jon Lester fought back from cancer this year had a mediocre regular season but in the postseason he stepped up with a big relief outing and a solid start in the World Series. He is a young left hander with terrific stuff and could easily evolve into a #2 or #3 starter for the Sox. Meanwhile Clay Buchholz was slightly babied the final months for the Red Sox but in just 4 games pitched in the big leagues he had a 1.59 ERA and pitched a f*cking no hitter. You don't pitch a no hitter in your first month as a big leaguer unless you have serious talent.

All of these three players should develop next year, contribute the entire season and make the Red Sox that much of a better team in addition to some further development of Dice-K and the rookie of the year Pedroia.

What did Steve Phillips say that was that Dumb?

On Mike and Mike in the morning this morning Phillips stated that he could see the Red Sox trading Lester, Buchholz and Ellsbury for Johan Santana. I understand that Johan Santana is arguably the best pitcher in baseball however giving up three cheap highly talented and potential stars for Santana would seem to me personally to be way too much of a price. And then he offered up an additionally doozie...

He said that of course teams will agree to a trade but first negotiate with Johan to see if they could come to a long term agreement given that he is a free agent after the coming season. He also stated that he thought it might be worth it for a club to go through with the deal even if they didn't get a long term agreement done in the hopes that he would play a full season like the atmosphere and want to stay.

So in essence Steve Phillips stated in a round about way that he if he were the GM of the Boston Red Sox would atleast contemplate trading three top flight prospects, one of which could be an all star centerfielder, one of whom already has a No-Hitter in 3 starts and the other who just pitched 5.2 scoreless innings in the deciding game of the World Series for a 1 year player with whom they may not be able to sign. As a Yankee fan I'm begging Theo Epstein to listen to this wonderful advice and trade away these three stud prospects for Johan, cause it's not like their rookies helped pave the way for them this year or anything.

There has been one good thing that has come out of the whole “Barry Bonds cheating to break the greatest individual record in sports” thing. (I know I can’t prove this, but come on, is there any doubt at this point?)

Barry has been a miserable, self-absorbed prick for most of his entire life as far as I can tell, and one man has used the beauty of American democracy to give all of us the voice we needed to tell Barry what we think of him. That’s right, the American hero, Marc Ecko. This guy needs to go down in history next to Paul Bunyan, John Wayne, George Washington, and The Guy That Invented Kodiak Smokeless Tobacco Products. If we’re going to have a non-president on the $10 bill, it may as well be Ecko. What has George Hamilton done for you lately?

Not only has Ecko allowed us to have Barry’s ball branded, but he has the homerun “king” so flustered that he is threatening to boycott the Hall of Fame if they display the ball. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. There is no way the Hall isn’t going to display the ball. I’ll tell you right now, I’ve never been to Cooperstown, to my regret, but having the asterisk ball on display may finally get me in the car some weekend. I doubt I’m the only one that feels that way, and I’m sure the Hall knows that.

So let me get this straight Barry, if they display the ball at the Hall of Fame, you’re going to refuse admission if you get voted in? Done and done.

Tom Brady is better than Peyton Manning. See I don't have a problem saying it. Tom Brady, the man I wish only bad things towards, is a better quarterback than Peyton Manning and everyone else.. I don't think that was very difficult. 3 Superbowls to 1. A better postseason track record. And now that he has comparable weaponry on the offensive end he's putting up superior numbers. Everything really leans towards Tom Brady.

Yet, if you've listened to Mike and Mike in the morning or watched ESPN the past few weeks apparently people are afraid of having an opinion. Steve Young, nope didn't want to answer. Phil Simms on Mike and Mike this morning? Nope refused to answer. Mike Ditka, Bill Parcells, Ron Jaworski? Nope, Nope, Nope. Everyone refuses to have an opinion on the subject. Isn't that what they get paid for?

Even Mike Golic can't give a straight answer saying that Brady is better now but Manning is better overall. What the hell does that mean Mike? And for some reason he actually is under the impression that he is answering the question.

The only person with an apparent spine when asked the question? Mike Greenberg who easily answered Tom Brady. When Mike Greenberg and 'only one with a spine' are muttered in the same sentence it's a very very sad occurrence.

The world is full of assholes. We see this every day. For instance, the d-bag on my ass at 6:10 a.m. this morning even though there was a perfectly good left lane for him to go be an asshole in. We see mothers throwing their drug-dependant babies at cops, congressman soliciting BJs in airport restrooms, guys trying to trade Dolphins tickets for some man-boy love action as Simon mentioned earlier, and everything in between.

Those are just the little things too; there are also the occasional genocides and the extraordinarily cowardly suicide bombers. And then somebody does something that restores the ol’ faith in humanity.

The Colorado Rockies voted to give a full playoff share to the widow of their minor league coach that was killed by a line drive this year. Not only is the woman pregnant, but she has two other young children as well, who will be throwing out the first pitch on Saturday.

The Rockies seem to be doing pretty well on their own lately, but this last karmic boost should make them a lock to win the whole thing.