Fabrice Santoro got upset over the fact that Andy Roddick, 'Tried to hit him with his serve'. First of all its a tennis ball, those things are soft. Second of all you're like 120 feet away, its called move. What a little women.

0-5, 2 Ks, 2 GIDP, 1 Error & 3 Rallies Killed. A wonderful night for the MVP in arguably the biggest game of the season.

As my buddy Joe and I always joke, if Notre Dame was suiting up against an all Jesus team, aka a team made up of 55 Sons of God, Lou Holtz would probably still pick Notre Dame to win by a touchdown.

So of course this weekend when I'm watching Sportscenter and they have him and fellow old man Corso making predictions, Lou picks ND to beat Michigan. Not that big of a deal, Michigan is a big question mark this year, but of course than Lou says that Notre Dame will win 11 games this year. This is the same Notre Dame that lost to a service academy last year. And just when you thought the douchy homerism was going to end ESPN asks which BCS school is going to be the biggest surprise team in the country. Any guesses to whom it was? I'll give you a clue it was another team he coached. If you guessed South Carolina you would be a winner.

Next up on Lou's prediction watch, the Jets win the Superbowl, NC St. wins the ACC, Arkansas dominates the SEC West, Minnesota wins the Big 10, and William and Mary wins the Football Championship Subdivision. Oh wait no I got it, his son Skip Holtz will be the first coach to lead a non BCS conference squad to the BCS title game.

Lesson one to teach children in Connecticut is that if someone is better than you at something than you must find a way to get around them and find some kind of loophole. For a New Haven Youth league the solution was to simply ban a 9 year old kid from pitching in the league. Why? Because he could break the 40 mile per hour barrier and was 'too good' for his competition. So when his coach decided to pitch him anyway, the opposing team left the field and forfeited and the league attempted to disband the team. What a great lesson to teach your children, why try to compete against the best when you can get them not to play?

Just to make it evident that this life lesson is in effect for adults, I play in a Co-Ed softball league on sundays and our playoffs are currently going on. This league, like many others, allows only a certain number of people who live out of town. Our team has basically been the same for several years but in that time period some of the players have moved out of town so now we eclipse that limit. So when we beat a team 17-4 this weekend in the playoffs they decided that they were going to protest our 'illegal' roster so that they could pick up the win.

Pavano is slated to start again on Saturday. So what could he possibly injure in the next 48 hours.

Let's put some Vegas odds on it

Torn Ass Cheek: 60:1
Strained Neck: 30:1
Blown out Elbow: 20:1
Bruised Rotator Cuff: 15:1
Pavano Pitches: 4:3 (Come on even Pavano can't get hurt in 48 hours right?)
Pavano Pitches Well: 30:1 (But you can't possibly imagine he's going to pitch well)

Is It Ok To Think This is Hilarious? Look at all the exercise he gets. Lean to the left lean to the right. Wobble Wobble.

Can you find every word in the the All Things Pavano Word Search?


Here Are your Words to Find: ARMPAIN, PAININTHEASS, VAGINA, PAVANO, SOREBUTTOX, TENDINITIS, ASSHAT, BITCH, SADSACK, DISABLEDLIST, HATE, INJURY, SURGERY, LOSER, WOMAN, SORENECK, TOMMYJOHN, OVERRATED, REHABSTART

Go Here for the Answers

Carl Pavano missed his bullpen last night due to neck stiffness and is now doubtful to make the start on Saturday. What a loser.

Carl Pavano Could Start Saturday for Yankees in Baltimore

That's an actual headline from the Daily News and its not in the comics section. And what makes it funnier is the jokes that Cashman busts out (dude must be a comedian on the side):

"He's not the villain he's cast as," Cashman, who signed Pavano to the contract, said Monday. "Carl Pavano has worked his butt off. He's always tried. He just hasn't stayed healthy. No one is trying to avoid him. When he's healthy, he can pitch. He's one of the hardest workers we've got. People don't want to realize it or look at it, but that's true.

"He hasn't laid down on us, he just hasn't been healthy. People lose their objectivity and make it things it's not. The bottom line is, he's had every intention of helping us, but between all the injuries, we've had a lot of stuff that hasn't worked physically. When he's healthy, he can do what few can do."

Wow, Cashman the 'He's one of the hardest workers we've got' is perhaps the best joke I will see all year. And 'he can do what few can do' is right up there as well. You are just one human body size ball of humor. You should at minimum hold a comedy show somewhere.

Meet Dumbasho Marte. Dumbasho, pronounced dumb ass ho, decided it was a good idea to walk the bases loaded last night in the 9th inning and serve up an absolute meat ball. Dumbasho should potentially throw strikes the next time he pitches if he doesn't want to soon become the new target for the haterade.

At one point in time in my life I think I could have been nominated for president of the Kyle Farnsworth Haters club. I didn't want the Yankees to sign him, thinking he would never come up big in a clutch spot and I got ticked off every single time (and it was often) that he gave up a big home run or struggled. For the first two years I was amongst the leaders of the anti-Farnsworth charge. And then something changed...

It seems to be a personal trait with me, but once an entire city/fanbase joins in on the hate cause I tend to shy off. It's happened with Arod last year when I pronounced I would no longer hate him citing his high socks, to a certain extent it happened with Gimabi (although the public didn't hate him quite as much) and this year it happened with Farnsworth. Coming into the year nobody on the Yankees roster was more hated than Farnsworth, nobody was more belittled. And then when he got off to a rough start to the season the fire under Farny's ass was at about 666 Degrees.

And then, well Farny actually started to pitch well. I started feeling a bit sorry for the guy, and started liking those ridiculously goofy glasses that he wears. Did I ever trust him to get a big out, hell no. But you rework your expectations and live with what you get. And then when he was traded to the Tigers and you see a 250 lb man crying and saying how much he wanted to be a Yankee I felt a bit of remorse. Man got treated like shit by an entire fan base and an entire city for 2.5 years and yet he really really wanted to be a Yankee. Despite knowing the deal made a ton of sense for the Yankees I felt a little bit like I wish they gave up some unnamed prospects rather than Farny.

And then last night Farny suited up with a 3 run lead against the Devil Rays in a possession to help the Yankees gain a game in the standings. And what does he do? He coughs up the god damn three run lead. Stupid Farny, you suck so bad.

Consider me refiling my eligibility for President of the Farny Haters Club.

The weekly waste has been absent for awhile, but I think we can all agree that these two are a unanimous selection for the waste of the summer and should be removed from the Northeast entirely and potentially the entire planet. If they happened to be castrated chances are the Earth would instantly become a more enjoyable place.

In one off season the New Orleans Saints have gone out and picked up not the former most popular player for not one but two New York teams. In 2005 both Jonathan Vilma and Jeremy Shockey had their peak seasons. Shockey had 891 recieving yards and a career high 7 touchdown receptions making him the toast of the town and selling lots and lots of jerseys. Meanwhile, Vilma was making every single tackle in the last year of the Herman Edwards era and was the only worthwhile player on the entire roster and was certainly my favorite Jet. Now three years later both found themselves unwanted in the Big Apple and both found themselves shifted to the Bayou.

So what's going to happen to these former Broadway heroes in 2008? Well, chances are they both shall turn into beasts. For Shockey he enters a squad that's been missing one thing, a tight end. With Colston, Bush, and Deuce Shockey will be seeing limited double teams and could potentially have a career year. And for Vilma, well he's actually going to be utilized the way he should have been utilized for the Jets. In the 4-3 scheme in the middle running down every single tackle to be made on the field. I honestly expect both to make the Pro Bowl. And I fully expect the Saints to win the NFC South this year and contend with whichever NFC East squad is left standing for the NFCs Superbowl representation. And at the center of it will be the two former New Yorkers who were once upon a time the fan favorites for both franchises.

In the recent past the one thing that you noticed was the abundance of Jeremy Shockey jerseys. They've had some good players in the past 5-10 years including Barber, Strahan and Toomer and yet the Shockey jerseys completely dominated the crowd. For what reason? In some cases you would see entire families all decked out in Shockey Jerseys as if no one else played on the team. I have no idea, he was never the best player on the team and he often underachieved and he was consistently an annoying loudmouth. But I guess he won over the fans. Perhaps, it was the effort level or the whiteness or the massive American flag tattoo. Whatever it was, he sure had a vice grip on the Giants jersey sales.

But now, of course he has become expendable. He got injured the Giants won the Superbowl without him and everyone began to question whether or not the Giants were better without him. And with the emergence of Kevin Boss it just pushed his need off the edge. And thus the Giants eventually made a deal with the Saints to part ways with Shockey.

So what to do with the hundreds of thousands of Shockey jerseys around the tri-state area. How about a jersey bon-fire in jersey? Who's in?

There's a lot of reasons why the Mets are on a 10 game winning streak. The pitching is actually stepping up, from the starters to the bullpen everybody is pitching better for Jerry than they did for Willie. Additionally their key hitters Reyes, Wright and Beltran are hitting at a high level as well as a re-emergence of Carlos Delgado as a viable major leaguers. Of the reasons the Mets have won 10 in a row none is more shocking than the play of Fernando Tatis. Tatis has only been on an active roster once since 2003.

Tatis started the month of July hitting .253 on the season with 1 homer in minimal playing time. Now getting consistent playing time for the Mets, he's hit 4 home runs this month and has boosted his average .53 points to .306. In addition Tatis hascome up with clutch hits for the Mets, big time hits that won games. Last night in the come back victory Tatis finished 3-4 with a home run and 3 RBI.

So, what am I getting at here? This is a fluke. There's a reason he hasn't played in the league consistently for the past 5 years. He isn't good. Soon enough he will stop hitting, the Mets pitchers will cool and the Mets will rejoin earth. It's only a matter of time.

The Big Sexy, Joe Blown Save Borowski, and even Jack's brother Rick Bauer had their heads lopped off today by the Guilotin.

"Asante's a great player, so it hurts not to have a guy like that. But then again, it's part of the business of the game," Welker said. "He chose money over championships, and that's the way it goes sometimes."

Just a quick reminder to Mr. Welker that he in fact does not have any championships and Asante does and that the Patriots in fact are not the Superbowl champion. So sure Asante may have left solely for the money and sure the Patriots are probably better, but just shut up.

Maybe it's because I'm just in a complete pissed off mood right now, but do we need shitty stories about how any NBA draftee dreamed about playing in the NBA. Wow a kid always hoped and dreamed that he could play professional basketball, what a heartfelt story it happened for him. No shit, what did you think he dreamed of being? A janitor?

Too bad I never dreamed of being in IT when I was a kid or else maybe I would have gotten a stupid F'n story written about me.