Creating a 2011 Taco Bell Super Bowl Commercial

Friday, January 28, 2011

Taco Bell is currently in the news for being sued over their fake beef. They have fought back with a full page newspaper ad saying their beef is 88% percent BEEF and 12% secret. Since I don't think a pansy one page newspaper ad with the guts and heart of Jay Cutler will be enough, I present to you the Taco Bell 2011 Super Bowl Commercial.

It Starts with a Trip in a Limo to a Mystery Location (Yes it's the Stupid Dominoes Ad)

To Some Random Feed Lot in Mexico...

"Do You Think Taco Bell Wants You to Know What Their Beef is Made of? Do you Think you DESERVE to know what kind of Cow they Use? Well I have a surprise for you..."

"Boom, Kenny Mother Fucking Powers loves tacos"

"Ahhhhh the mullet, the Jheri curl juice, in the sauce?"

"Shut up bitch and give me a blow job... Oh my lines. You know what's more powerful than a Kenny Powers Fastball?"

"Fucking nothing that's right, but this comes close..."

"...Fucking Bolt Gun and then bam... IN YOUR TACO. DELICIOUS"

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The 2010 Playoffs Are About Revenge

Monday, January 24, 2011

In life there is often no bigger motivator than a previous failure and the desire to overcome it. The Human thirst for revenge and vengeance is an unending chain in our DNA. In this years playoffs, nothing has defined it more so than revenge.

Wildcard Round

January 24th, 2010: AFC Championship Game, New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts
In Rex Ryan's season the Jets managed to shock everybody, not only by backing into the playoffs but by pulling off two road upsets to set up 60 minutes for a potential trip to the Super Bowl. It was not to be as the Colts and Peyton Manning led a swift comeback to put to 09 Jets where they belonged, not in the NFL Title Game. This loss stuck with Rex the entire season and resulted in a "This is Personal" theme prior to gameday... New York Jets 17 - Indianapolis Colts 16

November 21st, 2010: Seattle Seahawks at New Orleans Saints
The Seahawks in the midst of their swan dive went into New Orleans in late November and came away with a 15 point loss. Prior to their WildCard playoff game, the Seahawks both had that taste of defeat coupled with the fact that no one thought they deserved to be playing in the game or had any chance of coming out the victor. Seattle Seahawks 41 - New Orleans Saints 36

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Bart Scott Can't Wait...

Bart Scott Can't Wait...

...To Get Stiff Armed

...To Fall Down


...UH OH, Maybe Not

...To Watch Mendenhall Drag Me Into the Endzone

...To Watch Big Ben Fake Hand the Ball off to Me

...To Watch Big Ben Do the Endzone Strolling

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What Should Brett Favre Do?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

He should definitely send pictures of his purple helmet to Roger Goodell as a thank you for not suspending him.

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Why Does Venus Williams Look Like a Basket?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

"Hi, I'm Venus Williams. My sister has won 5 Grand Slams since the last time I won one, however I continually beat her in the ludicrous outfit category. Remember the nude shorts. Well now I bring to you... a woven basket on my stomach!"

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Faces of Fail: Mr. Tom Brady 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Preparing to Fail, Tom Brady Fail

GNAR MY TEETH, Tom Brady Fail

Don't Touch Me Big Man, Tom Brady Fail

:( Boo Hoo Sad Face, Tom Brady Fail

On Bended Knee, Tom Brady Fail

Sulking Tom, Tom Brady Fail

OH COME ON, Tom Brady Fail

KAPOW, Tom Brady Fail

How's My D*** Taste, Tom Brady Fail

The Scoreboard is Wrong, Tom Brady Fail

Staring into the Abyss, Tom Brady Fail

Good Game Tom, Tom Brady Fail

Leave Me Alone Nacho, Tom Brady Fail

It's Ok Big Guy, Tom Brady Fail

It's Time to Change the NFL Seeding Policy

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Let me get this out of the way first and foremost. As a Jet fan it is mildly annoying to me that despite having a superior record than both the Chiefs and Colts they are relogated to the #6 spot and a road playoff game thanks to being in the same division as this man (I hate you). With that being said, let me present to you the biggest reason why it is time for the NFL to change their seeding policy, and it is not "Boo Hoo the Jets don't get a home game" sour grapes.

The NFL in Week 17 was and is always littered with absolutely positively MEANINGLESS football.

1) The Eagles had clinched the 3 Seed and a Home Playoff Game.
2) The Jets had clinched the 6 seed and a Road Playoff Game.
3) The Chiefs had clinched the division and a Home Playoff Game.
4) The Saints had clinched the 5 Seed and a Road Playoff Game.
5) The Bears had clinched the 2 Seed and a 1st round bye.
6) The Pats clinched the #1 seed.

Of those 5 games, the Jets and Eagles didn't even remotely attempt to win. The Eagles sat Vick, McCoy, and DeSean Jackson. The Jets sat Sanchez, LDT, Shonn Greene, Revis and Cromartie. The Saints put up a decent fight against Tampa, but they still sat Colston and pulled Brees in the 4th quarter. Quote Drew Brees “We did the right thing, the smart thing. And that’s part of the reason why some guys didn’t play today when they probably could have." The Chiefs were playing for the 3rd seed rather than the 4th seed but for the most part their team didn't show up on sunday. The Bears in somewhat surprising fashion decided to play the entirety of their roster from start to finish. Finally in any format the Pats would have already clinched the #1 seed so whom cares.

Now With Reseeding

Now say we flip flop the way the NFL does seeding. Say we lock in all 4 division winners as playoff teams but could theoretically slot the Wild Card teams anywhere from #2 through #6. What would that have done to Week 17 of the NFL season.

The New Orleans Saints and Chicago Bears would have played meaningful football this weekend because both teams would have been playing for that #2 seed in the NFC. The Saints almost certainly would have played Colston and a few others who sat out to rest up for the playoffs.

The Eagles would have been locked into the 4 seed behind Atlanta, New Orleans and Chicago, so they would have sat everyone still.

The Jets and Chiefs would have been competing for a 1st round home game. If both won they would have gone head to head in a tie breaker (edge Jets). If both lost they would have gone head to head with the Colts in a tie breaker (edge Jets/Colts into big tie-breaker).

By keeping the division winner involved in the playoffs, the Seahawks vs. Rams game would still have been meaningful.

The Result

Week 17 quite frankly has become one of the worst weeks of the NFL season. Sure there are games of utmost importance, Bears vs. Packers, Seattle vs. St. Louis, etc. but there are also a handful of games that are in effect glorified preseason games. As a result of allowing the seeding the be more fluid, not only do you get a fairer playoff system (7-9 Seattle hosting a playoff game is ludicrous, we can all agree to this), but you get teams in week 17 in most circumstances more likely to play their superstars. A scenario which I think we can all agree on.

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