SimonOnSports

Michael Holton is a man that knows how to vacation and a man that knows what he wants in life. He wants to go to the Packers game and he doesn't really care for living in Wisconsin. So the Atlanta business man from Milwaukee has bought and furnished a dream Packer themed vacation home just outside of Lambeau Field so that his family has a place to stay for every Packer home game that they fly from Atlanta to see. He even has put the manly finishing touches on the bathroom. There's even a flat screen featuring a live camera shot of Lambeau above a urinal in a main floor bathroom. Yes. You read that correctly. Holton has a urinal. "My favorite spot in the whole place," he said with a laugh. "Look, any man's man is going to tell you that they want a urinal somewhere in their house. Did I plan it that way? Hey, it's my place. I wanted a urinal, so I put one in." Green Bay Press Gazette Nothing says vacation home quite like a big screen TV over your u...

Boys and girls, well pretty much just boys except for those girls that come squirt when the squat or lean over the urinal or... nevermind, anyway boys around the world we have now found the new best urinal in the world and it's all thanks to Kansas St. forward Bill Walker. In last nights game with time running down on the clock and needing to be in the game for Kansas St.'s final play in regulation, valiant Bill had no time to make it to the urinal. Instead he gathered a few Gatorade logo'd towels and gave them the refurbished Gatorade in urine form. Next valiant Bill jumped on the court dunked an alley-oop over three people and Kansas St. won the game. How's that for relief? I made that last line up, Kansas St. lost and valiant Bill is only a hero to, well me, people that enjoy urinating on things. Friggin towels in the middle of a pack crowd? I would have never thought of that shit, that shows balls, just below elephantitis sized bowls. He isn't even showing ...

Who: Eventual Hall of Fame Pitcher. Where/When: Every 5th day this season for the San Diego Padres. Why: I've never been a big fan of Greg Maddux until friday, when it revealed on PTI that he is the master of the Golden Shower . Yes that's right Greg Maddux, a 40 year old man, enjoys urinating on the legs of unsuspecting rookies in the shower. How classy is that? Best Event: One could say that Greg Maddux's many playoff trips were great or the Cy Youngs or Gold Gloves, but hey lets be honest he's a Grade A Sports Guy solely because of the Chicks Dig the Longball Commercial and the many Golden Showers. Sum Up: During several drunk moments in college I hit up some interesting places, ATO's party room, Smith's floor, Tony's GRE book, a sink next to Ruggles brushing his teeth, a car windshield, Barrett's door knob twice, but never ever a human beings leg. Congrats to you Mr. Maddux for your accomplishments.

Who: The Most Undervalued Play by Play Guy in the business. Where/When: Everywhere. Johnson typically does a scrub CBS football game every week, I always hope he's doing the Jet game. March Madness on CBS. Knick Games mostly on the radio but occasionally on MSG when Breen has a day off. Why: If you haven't listened to the exuberant Johnson broadcast a game you are missing out big time. He brings a fantastic voice, unparalleled excitement, and a direct approach towards the game. Best Event: Gus Johnson announcing in March Madness is where he is at his finest. Sure March Madness in general is the most exciting sports event in this country, but the passion Johnson brings to it and his calls in the final moments of games are classic. Sum Up: If a man can make the Knicks watchable/listenable then he is fantastic at what he does. Right now if I was given the ultimatum to choose one single person to be play by play announcer for every sporting event I watched, my choice wou...

What: Colin is a Radio Host on ESPN Radio, the host of " The Herd " Where/When: ESPN Radio typically from 10am - 1pm. I listen to him on ESPN 1050 in NYC where he is on from 10-noon. Why: Colin is pretty much a typical sports guy. Completely strongly opinionated and he doesn't give a crap if he offends anybody. Occasionally you will disagree with him and become annoyed by how strongly he believes he is right but for the most part he is straight on with how I feel and he pretty much says everything that is going on in my head. Basically it's hours of him ranting opinions. Quality stuff. Best Moment: Colin completely went off on UVA Cavaliers and how they are the softest bunch of Zima drinking pansy football program on the planet. He got Charlottesville so riled up that he was the #1 story on their newspapers sports website and the kid reporter went and interviewed him . Both of this clips are hilarious, and highly accurate. UVA always has talent, they typically h...