Celtics: What's the Point

Friday, June 29, 2007

So you go pretty much everywhere and right now people are criticizing the Celtics for trading for an aging Ray Allen and to this I have to say, whats the point? It's not that bad of a deal, and they didn't give up that much sure he's only good for a year or two and this doesn't make them a potential champion but what would? KG wouldn't have, Marion wouldn't have, Allen doesn't. So to me this is the lesser of all evils, they kept Jefferson and got rid of Wally World's miserable contract. Hell they even kept Gerald Green who I think will develop into a better offensive player than either Jeff Green or Corey Brewer.

Let face it once those ping pong balls bounced in the wrong direction the Celtics effectively signed themselves up for 5 years of mediocrity. You know how many teams in the NBA have won a championship since 1980 without a top 5 player? At most 3, and you can argue that Ike during his prime of the Bad Boy Pistons was a top 5 player. Other than that the list includes 6 Jordan, 5 Magic, 4 Shaq, 4 Duncan, 3 Bird, 2 Hakeem, 1 Moses. So which player outside of Durant and Oden in this draft do you think will be a top 5 NBA player? Personally I don't think anybody from 5 down had a very large chance. And on the Celtics roster? I love Jefferson more than anybody I know, and I think he has the potential to be a perennial All Star, but a top 5 player in the NBA, that ain't happening. And Gerald Green has the potential to be an offensive stud but a top 5 player, definitely not.

Let's face it the C's weren't going to trade Pierce and go completely young. And with the 5th pick and the roster assembled they were going to be a playoff team, bottom of the barrell eastern conference playoff team but they would make it. Now atleast with Ray Allen they will have some buzz, could possibly win the division, will at minimum be competitive in the playoffs. So what if this doesn't get them closer to a title, they weren't getting closer to a title with the selection of Jeff Green or Corey Brewer either. It's all irrelevant.

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Oden Reunited with White Boyfriend

I don't mean to rip Oden mostly cause he seems like a large 7 foot dork, and a nice guy and everything and it could be my Duke hate talking but if you read his blog entry about Josh McRoberts it was quite um... Lets say not too straight. Here's a little snippet of Greg on Josh and their day together.

It's JOSH MCROBERTS, one of my favorite people in the world. He is one of the funniest people I have met, and the one person in high school basketball that I dreaded playing, because I had to guard him and he is a monster. He uses both hands on the court. That gives him an edge on everybody else. He was here for a day so I got to hang out with him. It was one of the greatest days. Him and a couple of his friends and I laid out at his pool, played horse in the pool, stayed in too long, hands got wrinkled and when we got tired of being in the pool his mom came and grilled some hamburgers and teriyaki chicken with macaroni salad and cookies. It was the BOMB!

So I bet when the Blazers drafted the "monster" in the 2nd round that Mr. Oden was jumping up and down giddy like a school girl knowing that he could buy a house with a pool and have the funniest person he's ever met over daily. I wonder if they will hold hands while walking up to their press conference today, or maybe share a post press conference long walk at the beach and gaze at the sunset.

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Why Would You Draft This Man?

In Joakim's defense he is French so the resemblance to a poodle should not be shocking. But in all honesty just look at him, you want him on your basketball team? With the bow tie and the blowout, and the belief that he's thug life? I am just thankful he's not in Boston, what a relief.

I guess in more defense to Noah this is his dad, so how could you possibly expect to be normal when your father looks like that, is french, a pop star, and your mother is a Swede.

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Weekly Waste of Oxygen

Outside of the Benoit issue which I'm not gonna touch for these awards there really aren't that many people to hit upon as being that dumb this week. But we'll make due. Here are the contestants for this week:

1. Jon Kitna - Someone just might be a bit delusional. Kitna said that the Lions, the same Lions that suck every season should be disappointed if they don't win 10 games. The Lions Jon? You guys were everyones, except mine, sleeper team last year and you burnt them. Jon no chance you win 10 this season.

2. Basketball Talking Heads - Every single trade rumor starts somewhere and its not just the GMs for the past week we've heard KG is going here, Kobe there, Amare there and then come draft night its Ray Allen traded and Zach Randolph in a deal no one talked about it. Good job Bucher, Ford, Stein, etc.

3. Ratters of Stripper Golf - In the Pocono's this week there was a nice private golf outing that just happened to feature strippers and lap dances. David Gold was denied access to go see his buddies and when he complained neighbors called in the Po-Po to break up the ideal combo of golf and strippers. Lame.

4. Real Life Chubs Peterson - Bruce Burger almost pulled a Chubs Peterson when he tried to pull his ball out of the water and was dragged into the lake by get this a one eyed alligator, luckily for Burger he did not complete the Peterson move and did not lose a limb.

Get Your Vote On

Previous Week Winner: Pacman Jones!!! No surprise there.

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Pau Gasol Has Endorsements?

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Someone really needed to show this ad to Federer either prior or right after the French Open Finals. It could have given him an idea of something to do or slightly cheered him up post another defeat.

Courtesy of 100% Injury Rate

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They've Never Played Tiger Woods Golf

Any dork like me at some point in there life found a video game so enthralling that they could not put it down. For me the worst came with my first experiences of Tiger Woods golf, as soon as I started playing it on my buddies playstation in college I was hooked. I would be in his room playing every time he was out of the room, whenever he was in class etc, until one day he decided he was going to skip class to play himself. This frazzled me so badly that I decided to run out to Best Buy and buy the game myself. For the next few days and weekends, I played almost non stop Tiger Woods golf until I beat everything. Since the end of college I've pretty much kicked the video game, have yet to set up my playstation in the 2 years I've been out and generally just have no motivation to get back into it. But for a large portion of my life and especially during the weeks of a Tiger Woods release, I was borderline addicted.

But not according to the American Medical Association who came out and said that they are not yet going to call excessive video game playing a formal psychiatric addiction.

Here's some other tidbits that I found humorous from the article:

1. There is a help group like AA, called On-Line Gamers Anonymous.
2. The AMA's report says up to 5 million kids "might" be addicted, but there not going to say if they are or aren't yet.
3. The Next time you will get a chance to possible call yourself a true Gaming Addict is in 2012, the next time the AMA comes out with a manual and will reconsider calling it an addiction. Takes 5 years to write a manual eh?

I guess if you can legally call yourself a Sex Addict than why not video games? Dorks need something to do while they're not having sex.

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My Mock Draft

This is going to be short and sweet...

1) Portland: Greg Oden, they already said they were taking him.

2) Seattle: Kevin Durant, they get the 2nd serving.

3) Atlanta: Al Horford, Hawks make the right call?

4) Memphis: Mike Conley, Grizz need a pt guard.

5) Boston: Corey Brewer, Celtics get some defense.

6) Milwaukee: Joakim Noah, Bucks go for defense.

7) Minnesota: Brandan Wright, T-Wolves throw in KG replacement.

8) Charlotte: Jeff Green, Jordan takes another big time college player.

9) Chicago: Yi Jianlian, Paxson dancing in the streets of Chicago.

10) Sacramento: Spencer Hawes,
the Kings are the ones who take a 7 foot white guy.

11) Atlanta: Javaris Crittenton, the Hawks take hometown boy instead of the right guy.

12) Philly: Al Thorton, a relative waste of a pick.

13) New Orleans: Nick Young, Hornets gladly walk away with Young.

14) Los Angeles: Acie Law IV, Clipshow are very glad Hawks took Crittenton.

I always enjoy the goofy Stern staring up at the 6-11 giants at the draft...

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What I Would Do If I Was GM

This is not my mock draft this is not what I think will happen but this is what I think each team should do. If you look at the draft it is my personal opinion that you shouldn't necessarily draft the best available player or the player you deem has the most potential, instead you should draft the player that is going to help your team the most both present and future. If you already have 7 swingmen, ala the Hawks, and you have a glaring need at PG take the friggin point guard.

Pick #1 Portland Trailblazers

Glaring Needs: A Centerpiece
3 to Consider: 1) Greg Oden 2) Kevin Durant, there are no more options and there isn't much to discuss.
The Man to Draft: They have to take Oden and find someone to take Zach Randolph off their hands. Randolph is an overpayed malcontent. I think the rumors about them wanting to pair Conley with Oden are a little far fetched but getting something decent in return for Randolph is a smart move.

Pick #2 Seattle Sonics

Glaring Needs: A Big Man, Some Toughness.
3 to Consider: 1) Kevin Durant 2) Greg Oden, again there is no discussion.
The Man to Draft: Greg Oden would more fit the Sonics needs however he should be off the board. Durant gives the Sonics a future centerpiece and a cushion if they cannot resign Rashard Lewis. Regardless of whether they get Oden or Durant I think they should resign Lewis as a Lewis, Allen, Durant combo would be a lot of fun to watch.

Pick #3 Atlanta Hawks

Glaring Needs: Point Guard and Low Post Scoring
3 to Consider: 1) Al Horford, he's a beast downlow and could give a nice low post option to Atlanta. 2) Mike Conley, after years of not taking a point guard and flunctuating Joe Johnson to the point Conley would solve these issues for the forseeable future. 3) Brandan Wright, eh it's really between the first two.
The Man to Draft: I think I've convinced myself into believing that the smart move for the Hawks is to take Horford and attempt to get a point guard with their second pick. I think the dropoff in low post scoring between Horford and someone at 11 is much worse than Conley to an Acie Law IV.

Pick #4 Memphis Grizzlies

Glaring Needs: Point Guard or a Low Post Compliment to Gasol
3 to Consider: 1) Mike Conley, it really depends on how much faith they have in Kyle Lowry running the point in the future, if they were smart they wouldn't believe he is a point guard and they would target Conley. 2) Al Horford, they do have Gasol but they've been throwing guys next to him like Stromile Swift ever since he's been there. Horford would finally give him a running mate in the paint. 3) Corey Brewer, I don't really see them drafting Brewer cause they already have Gay and Mike Miller at swingman, however he would play defense which is something Gay does not do.
The Man to Draft: Whoever the Hawks pass on, if the Hawks take Conley the Grizz should take Horford and vice versa.

Pick #5 Boston Celtics

Glaring Needs: Defense, Jump Shooting, a True Center, a Veteran, Paul Pierce to stop his bitching.
3 to Consider: 1) Corey Brewer, Brewer should most likely be the Celtics #1 target if they stay in the draft, he's long he's athletic he has a versatile offensive game and he can play D. Is he ever going to be the #1 player on a championship team, I'd bet no, but he's close to a sure thing as a productive draft pick. 2) Yi Jianlian, he's 7 foot and can shoot the J, I'm not quite sure why everyone is already labeling him mentally soft I think only time will tell. 3) Trade the pick + someone not named Al Jefferson for a veteran.
The Man to Draft: Just draft Brewer if he's still on the board. If he's off the board I guess trade the pick but for what? And any trade that Danny makes is just gonna piss me off regardless.

Pick #6 Milwaukee Bucks

Glaring Needs: They Are Mediocre across the Board, they have little to no hope to be great anytime soon. So just draft the best available player.
3 to Consider: 1) Corey Brewer, if for some reason Brewer, Horford or Conley don't go 1,2,3 they should take one of them. 2) Brandan Wright, I think he actually would fit best in Milwaukee, despite personally not being high on him, where they don't really have a dominant post scorer with Bogut having yet to develop into one. 3) Joakim Noah, Captain Eyebrows (Chucky V) plays no defense at all and Bogut is slow, Noah could help on the glass and with D.
The Man to Draft: Take Brandan Wright, he to me seems like a good fit into the 4 for them. Slot Bogut, Wright, Captain Eyebrows, Redd and Mo Williams and that might get you into the playoffs.

Pick #7 Minnesota Timberwolves

Glaring Needs: Anything and Everything. Once they trade Garnett depending on what they get for him they don't really have anything to build around. They need to get a stud youngster back in return.
3 to Consider: 1) Mike Conley or Corey Brewer, perchance the T-Wolves get lucky and either drops to them they will snatch them up in a second, both are doubtful to do so. 2) Brandan Wright, I'm not enamored with Wright to the Wolves however he does have a lot of athletecism and potential. 3) Jeff Green, would be a nice addition to the T-Wolves, he showed in the tourny that he can take over or allow other teammates to take over. He's the type of player that you always want on your team.
The Man to Draft: The T-Wolves should just take the best player on the board. I think at this juncture it will be Green and thats who they should snatch up.

Pick #8 Charlotte Bobcats

Glaring Needs: All Depends on if Gerald Wallace leaves if he does they need a replacement.
3 to Consider:: 1) Jeff Green, he would be the perfect replacement for Wallace. 2) Yi Jianlian, they have Okafor so his piss poor defense won't kill them. 3)Nick Young, he may be a reach here but the Bobcats aren't exactly a dynamic scoring team and he could wind up being a big time scorer.
The Man to Draft: If Green is still on the board I think the Bobcats should take him, else I think the Bobcats should roll the dice on Jianlian.

Pick #9 Chicago Bulls

Glaring Needs: Low Post Scoring, Low Post Scoring, Low Post Scoring
3 to Consider: 1) Yi Jianlian, he may not be a low post scorer but he's a big man that can put the ball in the bucket. 2)Spencer Hawes, he's tall he's white he might be able to score in the post. 3) Joakim Noah, Noah would atleast give the Bulls some enthusiasm, but he and Tyrus Thomas are practically the same players.
The Man to Draft: I don't get whats wrong with the Bulls, how do they not get this KG deal done. Give up Deng already and the #9 pick. That's certainly better for the T-Wolves than the 3-11 they are rumored to get in the Hawks-Suns 3 way deal. But they're not gonna do that, there's no way I draft Hawes I'm sorry when was the last time there was a really good white center with post moves. Just take Yi, he wants to go to Chicago and atleast you'll be able to sell millions of Bulls jerseys in China. If he's gone trade the pick.

Pick #10 Sacramento Kings

Glaring Needs: Blowup the Team and Start Over, they are terrible.
3 to Consider: 1) Julian Wright, the Kansas product is long and athletic and has potential to become a solid scorer. 2) Joakim Noah, I'm not a fan of Noah, in fact I very much dislike him however he could be a valuable piece on a playoff team and I don't think he will be a bust. 3) Jeff Green, if Jeff Green is on the board he would be the best player left and they should take him.
The Man to Draft: Trade everyone on the roster other than Kevin Martin and just draft the best avalaible player. White guys need not apply, shouldn't Sacramento be sick of big white guys after how bad Brad Miller was last year.

Pick #11 Atlanta Hawks

Glaring Needs: Pt Guard or Post Play
3 to Consider: 1) Acie Law IV, this is probably where Acie thinks and hopes he will land. 2) Javaris Crittenton, the GaTech product is probably thinking the same thing as Law except he definately wants to stay in his home town. Either could offer a solid point guard option from when/if they past on Conley. 3)Al Thornton, if they take Conley Thornton should be on the board and give them a little post play when they past on Horford.
The Man to Draft: This pick is completely dependent on where they go with their first pick and it sounds like they are going to take Horford which I belive is the right choice. If they do that than Acie Law IV is the selection, a Jason Terry esque point guard with the ability to come through in the clutch.

Pick #12 Philadelphia 76ers

Glaring Needs:A Superstar which they won't be getting in this draft.
3 to Consider: 1) Nick Young, a big time scorer to slot next to Iguodala would be nice. 2) Javaris Crittenton, Andre Miller won't be around for much longer. 3)Al Thornton, it's doubtful he's still on the board but they don't have much low post scoring either.
The Man to Draft: Draft whatever guy you think has the most potential on the board to become a superstar. Another quality guy does you no good. I probably take Crittenton hoping that at 19 he can still develop and as a 6-5 point guard he could develop the ability to dominate smaller guards that are covering him. That being said chances of him becoming a superstar are limited.

Pick #13 New Orleans Hornets

Glaring Needs: Perimeter Scoring
3 to Consider: 1) Nick Young, he's the perfect fit for the Hornets. 2) Rodney Stuckey, more of a PG/SG Stuckey could be effective with Paul on the court. 3) Acie Law IV, if Law is still on the board the Hornets might think about grabbing him and slotting him at SG which could be more of a natural position for him.
The Man to Draft: Nick Young they booted JR Smith out the building last year and they need a young shooting guard who can score to go side by side with Chris Paul for the future.

Pick #14 Los Angeles Clippers

Glaring Needs: Point Guard, with Cassell nearly on his way out and the Toothpick Man injured yet again, they need a reliable point guard to step in.
3 to Consider: 1) Acie Law IV, I bet the Clips really hope the Hawks don't draft him. 2) Javaris Crittenton, and I certainly be that the Clippers are hoping that if Law is off the board that Crittenton is on the board. 3) Marco Belinelli, why not get foreign and take a little Italian pt guard who can gun up some 3s for you.
The Man to Draft: Hope and pray that Crittenton or Law are on the board else get the Clips some pasta sauce.

Ugh, these things take too long and most likely there will be about 7 flip flopper trades.

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High School Without Sports = Hell

To me High School was nothing more than a grind of doing nothing. I went to school everyday did my homework every period for the class next period, read as much cliff notes as possible didn't quite become a partyer until college. So to sum it up the only thing I remotely missed about High School when I entered the best drunkest 4 years of my life was my high school baseball team. The College team just wasn't the same, I grew up with the kids on my high school team, had played with them forever and even rotted the bench on a Little League State Championship in which we finished 3 games away from the World Series. So without baseball I would have fully hated high school instead of just plain ready to get out of town at the conclusion.

Well last week in Stoneham Mass, population 22,219, just north of Boston, they have decided to cut their high school sports programs, to which I say you people are evil. They didn't eliminate a struggling sport here or an expensive sport there, no they went across the board and eliminated everything, there will not be a single ball kicked, thrown, or caught competitively in Stoneham.

I know that if I was living in Stoneham I would immediately have shipped myself to a local prep school to play ball, and in my future years whenever I may or may not have children, I will be living in a town that offers the full gamut of sports.

The student population in grades 9-12 is approximately 875, and Lahiff reports that 70 percent of the kids play a sport at some time during high school. A lot of the other kids take great joy just going to the games. Now it's gone.

70% of kids, and the other 30% are going to the football games and pounding a few 40s under the stands, and making smoking up prior. And you're going to take that away from them. The High School year is still months away, Stoneham get on your horse and get a brain, you are a town 17 minutes north of Boston, aka a suburb, you should have boatloads of money. Just get it done.

Note: How goofy is the mustachioed mascot of my high school.

Note #2: Here's the Website Created by the People Who are Obviously Pissed Off by this

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Ugh NBA Trade Rumors

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I don't know about you but I'm looking forward to the end of the NBA draft and all of these trade rumors. I'm sick of hearing Jefferson's name fluctuated in every single deal, and sick about hearing how players think Boston sucks, or how players want out of their town.

Every damn day KG is going here, Amare here, draft picks here, Kobe here, Andruw Bynam this that and the other. Enough already.

What's even funnier is that Danny Ainge says that it's doubtful the Celtics trade their #5 pick. So what he's saying is that he's tried to trade the pick for the past month and it hasn't happened so it probably isn't going to happen before the draft cause, well no one wants to play in Boston.

"I think it's unlikely," the pick will be traded, Danny Ainge said. "I've felt that way from the beginning, that these trades are hard to come by."

Litterly I've been so sick of the Jefferson trade talks that I thought about starting a site called, donttradebigal.com. But that would have taken more effort so I bailed on that idea, for the time being. But seriously how many trade rumors as a 22 year old can you be in before you say god damn it I don't want to be in Boston anymore.

Danny also said that he doesn't think Paul is going to demand a trade. Whatever, I'm sick of this. And the damn draft preview I'm writing is taking me friggin forever, ugh.

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Allan Houston Thinking about a Return?

In another case of a retired athlete that is bored out of his mind, Allan Houston was just on the Stephen A Smith show and he's starting to put together thoughts about returning back to the NBA. He stated that he would like to come back if he knows he can contribute to another team and that he's enjoying working out again and being healthy. He would like to come back and contribute to a team towards an NBA Championship and if he was to come back that would be his preference. He brought up names like Jerry Stackhouse as veterans who jump in and on a solid team and are just role players. He also stated that the Knicks would not be his first choice.

Stephen A after his phone disconnected mentioned that he didn't play at all last year but made 21 million, you have to love the great moves of Scott Layden. For all the ripping that Isiah Thomas receives, it's not as if he's been worse than Layden was. Hey I enjoyed Allan Houston I thought he was a solid player, but it can be argued that he was the most overpaid nba player of his generation.

So this really shouldn't surprise anyone. Athlete who was booted out of the league because of injuries gets remotely healthy is bored and misses competition and wants to win the championship which alluded him during his playing days. Obviously he doesn't want to play for the Knicks despite living in New York. I'd be willing to bet absolutely nothing comes out of this, something tells me Allan Houston healthy means that he can run up and down the court about 5 times in a row before his knees hurt.

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At Some Point You've Thought About Doing This

I know the last time I went to a Yanks Sox game there were definitive moments where I thought about doing this.

I'm really glad that they beeped out the chinese swear words, I would have been seriously scarred if those hit my ears.

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Get the Aspirin

I really just enjoyed the cocking of the other leg and the release into the face. Nothing says fun like jogging into a full blown knee to the face.

Also you have to love all of the European names envolved. The Goalie is Heinz Müller, I love the two dotted u, what does that mean? And the dude getting jacked up is Geir Ludvig Fevang. And bringing the corny joke, he has been Defevanged, ha ha that was horrendous.

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More Embarrasing Goalie Moments

Some of these shots the goalies had no friggin chance on but still it has to be pretty embarrassing to watch a guy kick it from midfield and it sail over your head into the back of the net. That's got to be depressing. Probably not as bad as these from last week, but still.

My favorite shot is Essien's and how the thing bent from well outside the post to just on the inner half. Diesel shot.

The only thing that would make this video more enjoyable is if it didn't have that friggin annoying Fargilicious song, I absolutely despise everything that girl ever comes out with.

Courtesy of The Offside, which is probably the greatest soccer site in the history of mankind.

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J-Roll Using His Head

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Let's peak into the mind of possible things Rollins could have been thinking of when the ball was coming at his head:

~Hey atleast its not gonna hit me in the nuts.
~It's better than the AA Batteries that hit me at Shea.
~Is Cliff Lee a Phillies fan?
~Did Lee trade for me in his fantasy league after I hit 9 homers in the 1st two weeks?
~Good thing I wasn't wearing my sweet sunglass, those would have been busted
~I should have batted lefty.
~Perhaps he's mad at me for saying I thought Cliff Lee was fat
~6-0 and I'm Getting drilled in the Head, should have played basketball
~I hope I can get up and knock this white boy out
~I hope they got some Motrin back there

I don't really have much else to add to this but I thought this picture was that humurous that it needed to be up on the site one way or another. Luckily for Rollins his brain was not effected from the blow, perhaps unlucky for the Mets fans up the Jersey Turnpike.

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Did WWE Do the Right Thing?

Back when I was in middle school and the early stages of high school I like many others my age got into wrestling. It was at its prime, WCW was peaking with the introduction of the NWO and the WWF introduced Degeneration X and the Rock was starting to peak people's interest. Eventually I waned off watching but I have always been familiar with the characters.

The Canadian Crippler, Chris Benoit had been around forever. He was a mainstay at WCW and when that organization folded the WWE(F) snatched him up immediately. One thing was certain from his on stage persona, he was a guy who they could always run out to be a pissed off foaming at the mouth mother f'er. Well this weekend he canceled his appearance at the WWE's pay per view due to personal reasons, on yesterday he along with his wife and their son were found dead in what is believed to be a murder suicide, with the death of the wife and son believed to have occurred over the weekend and Benoit dead sometime yesterday.

This is obviously completely tragic and I fully understand the WWE's decision to cancel their live show last night. What I disagree with, is that they instead aired a 3 hour dedication to Benoit. I fully agree with this being a tragedy and I'm not going to fully destroy a guy who apparently killed his son, wife and himself, he obviously had serious mental problems which he needed help for. I just think that airing a 3 hour tribute to a man who just committed 3 murders is wrong. The guy was a famed wrestler for many years, however what he did despite his mental status was horribly cruel and wrong and had he not killed himself there's no way a tribute would have taken place. I'm sorry but suicide makes the story sadder but it does by any stretch alleviate the depth of wrong involved in killing an innocent 7 year old boy.

Note: The one commenter was right Benoit jumped ship just prior to the WCW collapse. Not sure how that's overly relevant to the story line, but he was correct in pointing out that I am not a wrestling historian.

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Free Running Can Hurt

Monday, June 25, 2007

When I went to London and saw the Jump London documentary I immediately thought that Free Running/Parkour was cool. Well here's an example of just how much it can suck to miss one of your jumps. Poor kid cries like a baby, perhaps you shouldn't have tried to do such a ridiculous jump with only concrete to land on. Ouch.

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Giving Yourself a DDT is a Bad Idea

Or perhaps it's a good idea as somehow this dude knocks himself out and yet the other wuss taps out because of a body slam? Come on man atleast get punched in the face once or twice, what is wrong with you? I don't think you will ever live this one down, you tapped out of a fight when the other guy was unconscious. Just hang up your MMA gloves right now and pursue some other career.

I always thought the DDT was the simplest and sweetest wrestling move ever invented however this is definitely the first time I've seen someone give themselves a DDT. I think he's probably going to try to avoid doing that in the future.

Courtesy of With Leather

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$200 Million = Worst Bench in Baseball

After another weekend of craptacular play the Yanks find themselves a game under .500 once again, and sitting behind the Toronto Blue Jays for 3rd place in the AL East a whopping 11.5 back of the Red Sox and 6.5 behind the Wild Card leading Indians. And while you could point the finger throughout the season towards the bullpen, the inconsistant hitting, or the millions of starting pitching injuries and beatdowns, here's a question why with a $200 million dollar payroll is the bench amongst the worst in Major League Baseball.

The Culprits

Melky Cabrera, Backup / Starting OF - We'll lump the Melkman with the bench despite the fact he's a starter now with Greese Head Steroids boy on the DL. The Melkman as a starter has been pretty decent since being thrusted into the everyday lineup batting over .300 for the month of June. However, his statline still reads a bit ugly. A .254 pretty much implies that when he was not starting and being put into the lineup sporadically he was 100% miserable.

Miguel Cairo, Utility IF - Cairo is a servicable bench player for any team. He can play any infield position and even sub in at LF if you are in dire need. But he's not a good hitter, in fact he's been downright bad this year. He's hitting at a .240 clip and has 5 RBIs this season in 75 at bats.

Chris Basak, Backup SS - The Yanks just recently called up Chris Basak. Ya I've never heard of him either, but he're an interesting stat line, he was hitting .265 in Triple A.

Kevin Thompson, Backup OF - Every time they bring this guy up I shake my head. He basically rots on the bench comes in occasionally and doesn't ever do anything. If you were to put together what a prototype Triple A player would be it's Thompson. He's got decent speed, is a decent outfielder, decent contact hitter, but lacks any pop in his bat. He has AAA written all over him.

Josh Phelps, Backup 1B - They recently waived Phelps to bring up Philips, but honestly who cares they both suck. In actuality Philips didn't do a miserable job at the plate with a .272 clip, but his glove at first was an embarrassment.

Andy Philips, Backup 1B -Now Philips has been brought up to most likely platoon with Cairo, Posada, Damon, eh whoever they feel like throwing at 1B that day. This is Philips fourth year where he's put on the pin stripes and he's never hit over .250 during any of those seasons and last year when he got some consistant playing time he hit .240.

Wil Nieves, Backup Catcher - He's the worst of the bunch. Nieves is establishing himself as quite possibly the worst hitter in major league baseball. Let's run down his stats. 5-45, .111, 0 XBHs, 2 Runs, 4 RBIs, 2 BB. Oh and one of Nieves hits he tried to stretch it to a double and was thrown out at 2nd. To put this in perspective let's compare Nieves to pitchers in the NL. First off no pitcher in baseball has 45 at bats as of yet. However, 21 pitchers have 5 or more hits this season. 4 Pitchers have 4 RBIs. 29 Pitchers have 2 or more runs. 8 Pitchers have hit a Home Run. 50 Pitchers have an extra base hit. Basically Nieves hits like a below average MLB pitcher and he's on the Yankees.

The worst part is, is that these guys with the exception of Melky aren't young. All of them are in the 28,29,30 range, aka they are not by any means prospects.

This Weekend

This weekend was a massive example of how the Yankees piss poor bench has hurt them this season. How can you expect to win a game in extra innings when you have a pitcher, Kevin Thompson, Andy Philips and Miguel Cairo in the game. That's 4 hideous batters out of 9 that are coming to bat. It just isn't going to happen and that's why they lost saturday. Yesterday they started with Cairo, Thompson, Nieves and Mussina in their order and pinch hit Philips later in the game. The result? The Yanks scored only one run through 8 innings, off Arods bat and got a meaningless RBI in the 9th from the aforementioned pinch hitter Andy Philips.

So the question is this, with a $200 million dollar payroll, how can you be stuck with no one on the bench who you could remotely expect to be productive at the plate. Mr. Cashman, your answer please?

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The Bad News Bears = My Softball Teams

So I embarked on the world of beer league softball this year. For the first time I'm doing multiple leagues and I have multiple games per week, which means every week there is another way I can be amazed at how we can lose a game. This week is just the perfect showing of how to be bad at softball.


So I'm in two leagues as I said, the first of which is a weeknight league with my buddies from the town over. To sum our team up we consist of a few athletes, a couple of decent kids, a few fat guys and some kids that I don't think ever played softball before. In other words we've got the full spectrum. So I start the game in the leadoff spot and line out to the SS, hit the ball on the button but right at him, what can you do. Anyway we go on score a few runs, blah blah. Then we get into the field make a ton of errors they score some runs superb. My next two at bats I hit one 3 Run Homer to Left Center and then I hit another 3 run homer down the left field line. So I'm having a good game obviously. My final at bat I hit the ball the other way for a single wrap up my final rbi and final run scored.

So we're up 16-14 heading into the top of the 7th. And with our teams history, I walk up to our SS (I play Left Center) and go so I bet we give up 3 runs and I get up runner on 3rd 2 outs on a day I have 2 homers and pop up. Well half that prophecy was fulfilled. They scored the 3 runs, the 3rd scoring on a ball which got by the left fielder. Unfortunately we went down 123 in the bottom of the 7th so I was left in the hole. Our past three losses in this league have been a walkoff loss in this loss, a walkoff loss in the 7th and an extra innings walk off loss in which we were up 13-2 in the 3rd. Yep we suck.

Final Score: 17-16
My Line: 3-4, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs, 3 Rs


One would think that if you've suffered a loss which you were up 13-2 that there's no way you could possibly top it. But then you haven't watched my sunday league team. This leagues a co-ed league which always spells interesting, we have again an assortment ranging from decent to miserable to unfathomable levels of PMS and that comes from the dude playing left center, god he's a little bitch.

So first at bat I see they're playing a girl in Left Center, this kind of confuses me seeing as you usually put your fastest person there, so I hit it to her, and she catches it of course. Next at bat I get up and decide why not give it another try, so I end up ripping a liner straight up the middle and past both LC and RC for a 3 run homer. Next at bat I do the same for a 2 run homer. And my final at bat I ripped a shot over the left fielder's head for a solo homer. So we find ourselves up 12-2 in the top of the 7th, bare in mind we have yet to win a game this season, but we're up 12-2, we were playing really well. Ugh.

First ball gets hit to barely to the right of the pitcher and barely past him so I charge (I play SS) bare hand it and while bare handing it I get a friggin bear claw grip and have it in the palm of my hand end up throwing it in the dirt and the 1B can't scoop it. No big deal we're up 10 and they have the bottom of the lineup up. Well a couple bloop hits and a bomb later and we're up 12-8 no outs.

One girl in their lineup hit the ball over our leftfielders head two times. So he backs up and guess what she hits the ball he takes a step forward and its over our head again. He tosses it in to me I cut it and see that she took a huge turn at third and throw the ball to our 3B who for some reason completely turns away from me. I had dead on aim on the back of her head and have to scream her name to get her to be not knocked out. Ugh. Eventually they have bases loaded after our pitcher walked a kid who sucked, which in turn walked the girl behind him, cause in co-ed you can't pitch around a guy to get to a girl. So a pop fly is hit behind the second baseman I sprint towards it, its in my glove I stumble and it pops out. We blew a ten friggin run lead in the last inning. We get up to the plate one person gets on but we get out and I'm left on deck. Friggin Amazing.

Final Score: 14-12
My Line: 3-4, 3 HRs, 6 RBIs, 3 Runs
Week Line: 6-8, 5 HRs, 13 RBIs, 6 Runs, 2.625 SLG%, 2 Ls

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Little Mac Circa 2007

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Little Mac still is a little wuss 20 years later and he doesn't even have to go against the ear munchin raper Mike Tyson. Weak little Mac weak.

I'm a sucker for all things Mike Tyson's punchout, I even went as Glass Joe for halloween, greatest game ever.

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A Monkey Throwin Heat at Fenway

Friday, June 22, 2007

Ok sometimes you just here shit that baffles your mind. Every franchise gets someone random to throw out first pitches, whether they be a mayor who couldn't hit a barn or the GW or an ex player. There's always something different. But the Red Sox of course have taken this to a new level. They are having a friggin monkey throw out the first pitch. A friggin monkey that's great. And apparently it's for a fund raiser.

A monkey named Ayla will throw out the ceremonial first pitch before next Saturday’s game at Fenway Park against Texas. It is part of the Helping Hands: Monkey Helpers for Disabled, Inc., outing at Fenway.

So now we're apparently letting monkeys help the disabled? What do they fetch them bananas and throw poo at their enemies? If so I want one and I'm only slightly mentally disabled.

Photo and Tip Obviously Courtesy of With Leather

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Superman Does Not Like Your Feet

So you know how atleast one of your friends when you hit up the amusement park wusses out of a ride saying something stupid like what I don't want to die have you seen Final Destination 3, the whole roller coaster, everyone dies. And then you make fun of them and go off on your merry way. Well in Kentucky thankfully no one is dead, but the Superman Tower of Power, cut off a 16 year old girls feet.

"The people on the ride just came and hit the ground," a witness said. "When I got up there, the lady she was just sitting there, and she didn't have no legs. ... And she was just there, calm, probably in shock from everything."

"I seen the car go up. Then, like, the cable broke, I heard -- pwchh -- and I heard a lot of people screaming," Chris Stinnett, who was at a ride next to the Superman Tower of Power, told WDRB/WMYO. "The cable went under the car -- and I seen it pull up and hit a lot of people -- and I seen them bring their legs up," Stinnett said.

Everyone who's been to an amusement park in the past ten years has been on a ride like this, it shoots you up it drops you it shoots you back up. I always thought it was the most overhyped ride in the park and that it was never worth the wait in line (Roller coasters are ten times more fun). So how many people tomorrow do you think are going to make up an excuse with their buddies as to not jump on one of these rides, I'd probably do it.

Hopefully the girl gets the best prosthetics in the world and wins a nice massive lawsuit but remember we don't need to see your feet to think you're hot.

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Week Review Quick Notes

~Vinny Baker got charged with a DUI, I never knew he was a drunk? Since when did that guy start picking up a bottle? He was such a model citizen when he played in Boston.

~Thank you KG for not wanting to play in Boston, I did not want you either and I will be much happier watching Big Al dominate the paint for the next ten years.

~What could possibly signify being the worst golfer on the planet? How about starting a fire that burned down 15 to 20 acres of land with one of your golf swings cause you duffed the previous shot in the woods?

~Apparently there is debate about which team Jews should like more the Yanks or the Red Sox and there's a big case that it should be for the Red Sox cause they have Youkilis and Epstein. But here's what I do know, when I went to the Yankee game last week there weren't just a couple of Jews in my section there were a boatload of Jews in my section and lets face it there's a lot more Jews in New York than Boston, and the Yankees do have more mon**, eh I won't go there.

~Baseball is just one hard friggin game to figure out. Josh Friggin Fogg shutting down the Yanks, in Coors? What come on, I mean I wouldn't put it past the Yanks to throw up double digits in the next two games, but getting shutdown by Josh Fogg, who blows, was frustrating. And then they get shutdown again? What the hell.

~Tom Hicks says he thinks Juan Gonzalez took steroids. Um No Shit.

~So is it legal to knock up a 16 year old who happens to be on your track team in the South and then marry her. Isn't that a bit young? Genarlow Wilson went to jail for several years before he won an appeal for getting head from a 15 year old when he was 17. And this guy is 40 knocks up a girl and marries her when he's her track coach and there's nothing charged. I'm not one to bring up the race card ever, but come on somethings going on with this one.

~Who wants to plan a night out with Pacman Jones using his fun gameboard wheel?

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The Yankees Broadcasters Are Terrible

As a lifelong Yankee fan I should really be able to sit and watch a game broadcast by the home stations and be able to enjoy myself but I just can't. They are miserable and often I find myself enjoying the Joe Buck changup when they play on FOX on the weekends. I can't believe I just said that, excuse me for a moment while cleanup the vomit on my floor...

Ok, so as I was saying, watching the Yankee broadcast and even worse listening to the radio is excruciating. Here's a rundown from the Yankee broadcasters who are OK to the worst of the worst...

9. Ken Singleton - Ken is really the only broadcaster the Yankees have the gets a lot of games that I truly enjoy listening to. He has a solid voice and is usually pretty informative and him and Jim Kaat last year doing games together were very good. Too bad friggin Kaat retired.

8. Bobby Murcer - Bobby is really good but since his cancer he hasn't been around nearly as much as he used to be, but when he is around he does a really good job. And if Singleton and him are together they can usually salvage a broadcast even if they are partnered with the largest douche on this list.

7. Joe Girardi - Joe is a really good broadcaster, but A) He doesn't do many games and B) He'll be gone at the end of the season, everyone knows this.

6. John Flaherty - Another catcher who couldn't hit a lick. Flaherty is alright up there, but nothing special.

5. Paul O'Neill - He's ok. But is mostly eh.

4. Al Leiter - He has his moments where he can be very annoying but atleast most of the times he's tolerable. By the way how many friggin game guys do you need YES, you have 6 guys that you can pull to do color commentary, is that a bit ridiculous.

And now the people that suck...

3. John Sterling - Ok most Yankee fans love Sterling and I'll be honest I typically enjoy his broadcast and some of his eccentricities, especially when he almost has a heart attack with his THHHHHHAAAAAA YAAAAANNNNNKKKKKEEEEESSSSS win. But here is a fact the guy can't see anymore. And almost once a week he blows a home run call. The worst of which came yesterday. With the Yanks down 2, Robbie Cano on 3rd and Melky Cabrera up at the plate with 1 out in the 7th, Melky hit a deep shot to left. And here is the essence of what Sterling said....

Sterling - "And there's a deep shot to left. It is high, it is far it is gone... And the Melkman delivers to make it a tie ball game at 4-4... Oh wait did Holliday catch it, he did? Oh Matt Holiday made the catch at the wall. They have a clear fence here in Colorado and I couldn't see it."

So this is me driving in the friggin car all excited that the Yanks tied up the game, a game they really needed, and it takes the dude 30+ seconds to tell me that the ball was caught and I haven't seen the ball yet but apparently it wasn't even that deep. Sterling, dude hang it up your blind as a bat or atleast invest in some binoculars.

2. Suzyn Waldman - Not long ago she had a conniption over the fact that Clemens had announced he was coming back to New York, which was just ludicrous. But all in all you will never here anything you care for out of the mouth of Waldman, its just one useless comment after another. The radio broadcast is so bad that during the Mets Yanks series if I'm in the car I choose to listen to the WFAN broadcast of Howie Rose and Tom McCarthy because they provide actual good broadcasting. I guess we can atleast take solace in the fact that she is now on radio instead of tv, gross...

1. Michael Kay - And the winner for biggest douche is Michael Kay. I don't think I can quite put into words how annoying he is. He'll repeat stuff over and over and over again inning after inning. For instance during the Rockie series every single time Troy Tulowitzki fielded a ball or was up at bat or stepped within a foot of Jeter he mentioned how the young SS grew up idolizing Jeter. Ok I guess you can do that once per game if you have nothing to talk about, but every friggen time he mentioned it. Furthermore, I pretty much disagree with 75% of the baseball strategy he brings up and I feel like the YES broadcast is much more informative whenever he is not in the booth.

He also has a tendency to bring up stuff on his radio show and criticise people, but when he gets to YES and puts on that corporate Yankee Pin Stripe hat he doesn't mention it at all. And last year he chimed in on the Arod saga every day saying fans shouldn't boo him and that Jeter needed to come out and tell fans to stop booing him. He's just an ass.

Your the friggin Yankees, you have the best funds of any sports team in the country and yet your main three broadcasters are just hideous to listen to. For gods sake if I had the choice I'd probably watch NESN and Remy for the Yanks Sox games over Kay. So basically the Yanks broadcast on YES could be good if they eliminated Kay or just got him to stop acting like he knows baseball, but the radio has no friggin hope, it is just doomed to suck.

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Weekly Waste of Oxygen

Another strong week for morons and losers which consisted of getting caught masterbating, more trips to the strip clubs, a little blind faith in America and finally clearing Slammin Sammy of any wrong doing. Here are this weeks contestants:
1. Byron Houston - I certainly can't claim to remembering Byron Houston's illustrious playing days at either OSU or in the pros, but his news last week of getting caught masterbating in his car was certainly classic. And he has a solid history of indecent exposure, nice job Byron.

2. Alexi Lalas - This pompous dumb ass is so drunk off American soccer that he thinks that the MLS is as good as the Premiership arguably the best league in the world, as well as thinking that Beckham will be bigger than Tigger and MJ. What an ass.

3. Pacman Jones - Oh Pacman, apparently the directive from Roger Goodell to stay away from the strip club went in one year and out the other, perhaps you dropped your appeal in anticipation for one of your trips to the club. Please Pacman, take my advice and bring the strip club to you, it's for your own good.

4. Anyone Who Defends Sosa - I would normally just put Steve Philips here and he'll be the poster boy, but anybody who defends Sammy Sosa is a nut. Everything about his career screams I guzzled down steroids and am cheating slime.

Get Your Vote On

Previous Week Winner: A Split Vote Between Naoyi Kikuchi and Justine Henin, and by Dictatorial Power I say Henin and her Herpes win.

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The Green Ranger Throwing Down

Alright in further evidence that I'm a dork, when I was younger I did in fact enjoy the Power Rangers for a few years. What? I was in 5th grade for christs sakes, it wasn't that horrendous of a show, I watched it after Transformers in the mornings before I went to school.

Anyway apparently, the guy that played the Green Ranger, aka the one with the Zelda like whistle knife and his own Dragon Robot, is going to participate in his first Mixed Martial Arts fight. Apparently Jason David Frank or Tommy Oliver the Green Ranger, is a 6th degree blackbelt in Karate and has opened up 4 studios to keep some of that Power Ranger Cash flow coming in. He'll be fighting on saturday night so lets hope that he throws down for the sake of the universe. Most likely he'll get his ass kicked cause A) The Karate Guys always seem to get mauled and B) Well he was a Power Ranger.

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Do Not Take Goalie Lessons From These Guys

Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Swing and the Miss...

The Out for a Sunday Stroll at the Park...

I wonder how many kids would go to camps developed by these guys, probably none, or maybe the handicapped?

Courtesy of Who Ate All the Pies, I'm not really sure what Who Ate All the Pies is in reference to and I don't really get it.

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Steve Philips is a Dumb Ass

I have no idea why anybody in the world would come out and defend Sammy Sosa, but off to the races is Steve Phillips who appeared on the Screamin A and Jackass Mike Missanelli show this afternoon. First of all Phillips proclaimed that he does not think there is any smoking gun surrounding Sammy Sosa which is absolutely ridiculous. But here's some of his points on why he thinks Sammy Sosa did not take steroids and me taking him to town on them:

1. At the trial, despite not being able to speak english during the majority of it, he denied using steroids.

Oh no a verbal denial, Sammy wouldn't lie right? Just ask Rafael "I did not take steroids period" Palmeiro if you can lie in front of a grand jury.

2. Roger Maris' 61 home run year came out of nowhere so why couldn't Sosa's 60+ come out of nowhere.

That's complete nonsense. First of all Roger Maris had one season where he hit 60+ not 3 out of 4 like Sosa did. Oh and here's a fact Maris lead the American League in rbi the prior season and won the AL MVP award. Yes, he was declared the best player in the American League the prior season, so it didn't come out of nowhere. Sosa was always a solid player, think Alfonso Soriano speed + power. But all of a sudden he went from a 36 homer guy to a perennial 60+ guy. That doesn't happen. 60+ homers had never been a routine thing before. Sammy made it routine, how does that not provide a little smoke.

3. Sosa's never tested positive for steroids nor been implicated in BALCO or Canseco etc.

The MLBs first random drug testing was done in 2001. When the cream and the clear and every other possible untestable drug was at the forefront of usage. No one tested positive for steroids then, so why should this tell us anything. Also, just cause he didn't get steroids at BALCO or ever take steroids with Jose Canseco that certainly doesn't free him from guilt.

4. If we go after Sammy Sosa why wouldn't we go after Clemens who had his "best years" of his career at 41,42 43.

Ok the Clemens steroid thing great. First off can we just establish a few facts Clemens was a pretty big dude when he pitched for the Texas Longhorns. Clemens in the 1980s and early 90s far before Sammy's 60+ stretch had already one an AL MVP, 3 AL Cy Youngs and finished 2nd and 3rd in two other ballets. His worst year with the Sox was his last when he had a 4.18 era and was injured. Now if you want to say that Clemens probably took steroids during his Blue Jay days you can provide a decent argument. But his Yankee days he never had an ERA under 3.50 and was never that studly so that doesn't look like steroid numbers and that brings us to Roger in Houston. Haven't we already established just how much easier it is to pitch in the AL than NL, it's much more believable for a pitcher to drop his ERA a run moving from the AL East to the NL Central and during each of those years the MLB steroid policies were further along. Clemens and Sosa's arguments for them taking steroids are not in the same stratosphere.

5. He thinks that Sammy Sosa corking his bat somehow tells us that he did not take steroids. His reasoning, a steroid user gets the mentality that they can dominate and thus wouldn't want to cork his bat.

Oh this is my absolute favorite. Instead of looking at the corked bat logically and thinking to yourself if he's willing to cheat and cork his bat and then lie about it why wouldn't he be willing to A) Cheat and Take Steroids and B) Lie in front of congress. Philips pulls a complete 180 and some how convinces himself that if you take steroids you are a god and why would you want to cork your bat.

Steve the corked bat happened in 2003 during somewhat random testing period, and Sosa was on his perennial decline at the plate. Perhaps he thought to himself, damn it I want to hit 60+ homers like I did when I was in my steroid prime, I bet if I corked my bat I could hit another 10-15 HRs. That wouldn't make sense would it Steve?

Steve that last point has no logic behind it, and your thought that their is no smoking gun surrounding Sammy Sosa is ludicrous. There's a smoking gun surrounding Sammy Sosa and it resembles the smoke from a rocket launcher more than that of a Pellet Gun. So do yourself and everyone else a favor Steve, please shut up.

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Last Minute Bicycle Kick Equaliser

Maceo Rigters of Holland ties up the Under 21 championship match in the 89th minute against England, which lead to a marathon 13-12 shootout victory for the Dutch. I wonder if this kid will ever have a cooler goal in his life, my guess is no, so son your football career has hit its climax.

Anton Ferdinand younger brother of Man U Player Rio, was the English goat missing the final English penalty allowing the Dutch to capatalize for the victory. Here's the whole highlight video including penalties. It's a pretty good watch.

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Tim Floyd Starting to Recruit Bryce Maximus

In the last months of 8th grade I was starting to visit different high schools to see if I wanted to go to one of the Prep schools in the area or if I wanted to continue my path down the public schooling method. Much is the same for Ryan Boatwright, a stud basketball player in the 8th grade in Aurora, Illinois who has to choose between East Aurora High and West Aurora High. Oh but there's a big difference as Boatwright while attending a USC Basketball Camp just so happened to give verbal commitment for a scholarship to USC. SO logically this makes no sense, he has yet to step foot in a high school, he has no idea where he's going to high school and yet at the age of 14 he knows he has a scholarship to USC? Super. Oh and traveling from Illinois to LA for a Camp like that isn't shady, come on the Illini don't have a camp down the street? Oh and the quotes well they are classic...

"They were the first one to show interest in Ryan," said Boatwright's father, Mike. "A lot of people have said Ryan isn't that good, but he went to USC's camp and played well."

"It was just a coincidence," Tanesha Boatright, Ryan's mother, said. "Ryan has always loved USC and North Carolina. So when one of his favorite schools offered him a scholarship, he couldn't pass it up."

Apparently both Depaul and Indiana were expressing interest in Boatwright and USC just so happened to be the first one to offer him a scholarship, so how could he possibly refuse. So let me get this straight an 18 year old isn't ready anymore to jump to the NBA where he will make millions of dollars but a 14 year can give a commitment to a college before he's dribbled a ball for a high school team or hit the conclusion of his growth spurts. The kid is a large 8th grader 5-10, 145, but come on. Ryan has always loved USC and UNC? What does that mean, he's 14.

So what is the logical next step conclusion? Tim Floyd must be offering an invite to his basketball camp for toddlers next summer to Bryce Maximus James, son of Lebron. If he can get a verbal commitment after summer camp next year, than USC program should be all set for a run at the national title come 2025. I mean can Tim really afford to wait? How will USC be able to compete with juggernaut UCLA and Ben Howland in 2025 if they do not start recruiting BMJ right now?

Picture Courtesy of Miss Gossip

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Like Shaq Only White and Minus 200 Lbs

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

As if running up and down a court and dunking with the use of a trampeline isn't a big enough waste of time this dude, somehow pulls a Shaq and absolutely torches the backboard. Cleanup on aisle 11.

Ruling, Bill Raftery must do the sound to this video. Send it in Jerome...

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Juicin and Corkin to 600

Slammin Sammy finally made it to 600 ironically against the team he cheated with the most. In the bottom of the 5th this evening Sammy went blast off against the torridly heading back to his miserable norm Jason Marquis. After taking a whole year off, to eliminate all of the steroids in his system, and a year prior where he couldn't hit a beach ball Say it Ain't Sosa finally reached this epic milestone. Hooray for Sammy... Ugh.

No one will ever really know how many homeruns off Sammy's bat that launched over the fences year after year were due to either the drugs that he most certainly took, or the corked batting practice bat that he most likely mistakenly took to the plate daily. But thankfully this will be the last of the Slammin Sammy milestones, and he will walk quitely into the sunset at the conclusion of this season, with nobody make a big spectacle until his Hall of Fame candidacy debate pops up in 5 years.

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Kenny Gets Krunk

Nothing bothered me more during the Celtics psuedo good years when they were competing for the horrible Eastern Conference finals than Kenny Anderson's top of the key jumper. Every single time he caught the ball at the top of the key beyond the three point line he would take two steps to the college three line and take his 20 foot jumper. I never understood why he wouldn't just take a damn three and it always bothered me.

Well after a few years, Kenny Anderson has surfaced to begin his head coaching career as he landed the job of the, drumroll please, the Atlanta Krunk in the CBA. The Atlanta Krunk, with a K even, that's a legitimate team, wow. Apparently they were even known as the Atlanta Krunk Wolverines last year, why the droppage of a second mascot name? The Krunk will be making their long awaited debut in the CBA this fall, wait the CBA still exists? I thought Isiah ran that league into the toilet. Oh well.

Oh and the Krunk just might have the ugliest website ever created but it does include some hot beats that make you feel as if you're in the waiting line for Space Mountain.

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Kei Igawa Must Start Throwin This

In an effort to get Kei Igawa not to suck I think the Yankees sent him down to the minors to learn this pitch, and now that he has been recalled and will pitch in place of the Yankee Clippard you should expect this to be thrown atleast once or twice an inning. Ok probably not, but hey he should, it'd be better than the slop he usually throws up to the plate.

Oh and to take away the thunder, I've used this pitch in wiffle ball countless times.

Courtesy of Red Sox Monster

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Why Punches Can Knock You Out

Count me out for taking a 1000 pound punch anytime soon and having whats left of my brain post college and trips to Mexico experiencing 'trama' from both sides.

This will probably be my favorite video of the week, and that's why I'm a dork. I think I could watch different video like this of punches kicks, getting hit in the head with nunchucks, etc.

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Could Larry Bird Do This?

Off the street sign over the rafters nothing but net has nothing on hitting a shot in a moving jeep. How many friggin times did they attempt this, there's no way they just got lucky and hit the first one? Or is that Jesus in the back of the Jeep.

While this may look fake because of the way the ball is moving, you have to realize that the ball is actually moving the speed of the car forward. And yes, I took too many physics classes in college and I sucked at them.

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How to Solve Pacman's Love For Strip Clubs

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Everyone has already heard about the next addition of Pacman's problems which again occurred due to another trip to a strip club. Pacman there is a simple solution. Back in college there were given times during the years where we decided hmm, I think it's time that we bring some strippers over to the house and get a few Kegs of beer. Now bare in mind that we were some 30+ college dudes with little money to their names and we were still able to afford this.

Guess what Pacman, you are a multi-million dollar football player, who probably has several other multi-million dollar football buddies, I'd be willing to take a gamble that you could not only bring strippers to your house whenever you so desire but you could in fact remodel your entire basement to have the setup of a strip club. If you so desire get a lap dance, and make it rain at a strip club why not just sit on your ass at home and make the strippers come to you. That way perhaps your posse could not get into a massive shootout with another posse over someone stepping on another's PUMAs. Ok, maybe the gun fight is inevitable regardless.

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Bring Back Ankiel

Poor Poor Rick Ankiel. In 2000 to me there was no pitcher easier to root for than Rick Ankiel. He was my favorite pitcher in the big leagues. Young, fireballin, sweet friggin socks, he was the man. And then as everyone knows he went Chuck Knoblauch on everyone and not only could not throw strikes but couldn't throw the ball anywhere near the plate. Since then he toiled in the minors for a few years trying to put back together his ability to throw strikes until eventually after an assortment of injuries and the continuance of his control problems he decided to switch to the outfield in 2005. Well that didn't get off to a superb start after a half of season in 05 when he played relatively well in the low minors and in 06 when he had season ending knee surgery in May 2006.

So coming into this year Ankiel was in limbo, he was given a Spring training spot with basically no chance of making the roster and was eventually sent down to AAA where he has remained for the season. And guess what he's absolutely raking for the AAA Memphis Redbirds:

.282 38 60 19 52 .317 .606 .923

He's actually leading the Pacific Coast League in Homers, is fifth in the league in Rbi and has been named to the AAA All-Star team, so the callup is imminent right? Especially with Jim Edmonds just landing on the 15 day DL right? Well, apparently not. The problem is the Cardinals don't want to bring him up on a trial basis because they are out of options on him. Meaning if they bring him up and they decided the want to send him back down he goes on the Waiver Wire, so basically now he's getting boned because he made the roster a bunch of times during his pitching years and the Cards are afraid to lose him. Ouch. Rick Ankiel you certainly have not had the charmed baseball life.

Here's a depressing Ankiel glory days video...

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Don't Do It Joe

My best friend is an Orioles fan, don't particularly know why perhaps he was on the Ripken juice when we were kids, but right now his interest in baseball is very marginal. Yesterday, when they dumped Perlozzo he seemed pretty intrigued at the fact that they could possibly sign Joe Girardi to the managerial role, and hell if he can put the Marlins in playoff contention perhaps with a little bit of luck he could along with the new COO hire Andy MacPhail turn the Orioles into the franchise they were in the mid 90s when they managed to dethrone the Yankees as the best team in the AL East. (In case you have forgotten the last team to win the AL East other than the Yanks were the 1997 Orioles and not any recent Red Sox team)

Well today Joe Girardi has apparently booked it to Baltimore for a nice little sit down to talk about the Orioles job and I have to think, what the hell are you getting yourself into Joe. The Orioles? You really want to manage that badly that you will take a midseason gig with the Orioles. So you have limited hope for the future and you are signing up for a meaningless second half of the season. Newsflash Joe, you will most likely be the most intriguing name on the market this offseason, meaning you could get just about any job your hearts desire.

So why did the Orioles can Perlozzo in my opinion, for this exact reason. They know their chances of getting Girardi on their bench midseason, with no other offers coming his way is much better than say if Torre resigns and Girardi is in a head to head competition with Mattingly for the job, or if another more attractive job opens up for any given reason.

So Joe think long and hard about this one before you subject yourself to the Orioles job which chewed up and spit out its last 4 managers leaving them with their stock severely down.

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Lalas Has that Curly Red Fro for a Reason

And that reason is that apparently he's smoked his brain cells into retirement. Basically ticked off about all the talk that Beckham is coming to the US for a nice little semiretirement, Alexi Lalas popped off and said something completely ludicrous. That being that the MLS is on par with the English Premiership. Here's his dumb ass quote:

"The fact that a segment of the world worships an inferior product in the Premiership is their business,'' Lalas said in an interview with The Guardian published Tuesday. "In England, our league is considered second class, but I honestly believe if you took a helicopter and grabbed a bunch of MLS players and took them to the perceived best league in the world they wouldn't miss a beat and the fans wouldn't notice any drop in quality.''

Wow someone has lost his mind. First of all the Premiership dwarfs the MLS in every single economical aspect, which gives them the leverage to sign the absolute best international players. Hell the richest of the rich Americans have gone out and bought Manchester United and Arsenal. And Chelsea is owned by a multibillionaire. The MLS has a team salary cap that can fit under 75% of the Premiership players yearly salary. Secondly, the best of the best Americans aren't even on the best Premiership teams, they play for Fulham a team that finishes in the middle of the pack. Thirdly, the Premiership had 3 of the 4 finalists in the UEFA Champions League this season, throw an MLS team in that and they wouldn't even make pool play. Alexi I know you love American soccer but shut up.

Oh and he didn't stop there apparently he thinks Beckham will be bigger than Tiger and MJ:

"The U.S. will never have dealt with an athlete who has had this kind of international impact,'' Lalas told The Mirror. "Tiger Woods has that international appeal but, with due respect to Woods and Michael Jordan, David Beckham is at an entirely different level.''

Someone please keep all hallucinogens away from Alexi for the remainder of his future as if he continues at this pace he just might end up like Jim Carey's Riddler at the end of Batman Forever.

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