The NFL Blackout Rule, Beating Detroit While It's Down

Friday, October 30, 2009

The below image is from the wonderful, who each week puts together a map of the US and their corresponding NFL broadcasts. As you can see in the image below Detroit fans are getting punched in the nuts. The Lions did not sell out their game, and why would they with the Lions and Rams combining for 1 win, thus the Lions game is blacked out in the local market. What sucks the most is that not only do they not get to watch the Lions game, who cares really, but they don't get to watch any game on FOX, instead they are just stuck with the Cleveland vs. Chicago game, wooo. Can't we just be nice to Detroit and let them watch the Eagles Giants game? I think they have been through enough.

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Week 8 NFL Pick Suggestions

The first 4-1 week of the year came last week so why not improve it to 5-0 this week.

1. Denver Broncos (+3 1/2) at Baltimore Ravens
I've lost on the Broncos I think every week this season, so we're changing gears, the Broncos are great all hail the Broncos. They are being disresepected, give them 3 1/2 points? They won't need it they will win by 1.

2. Detroit Lions (-3 1/2) vs. St. Louis Rams
The Lions are favored in a football game, the world is about to melt into its core. It actually does make sense though, they are at home and the Rams are that bad.

3. Minnesota Vikings (+3 1/2) at Green Bay Packers
Simply put the last time these two teams played it was evident that the Vikings were the better team. The Vikings offense was able to move the ball behind Brett Favre and Jared Allen was able to knock Rodgers on his ass at will. I don't see how a change a of scenery has given the Vikings 3 points.

4. Cleveland Browns (+13.5) at Chicago Bears
The Browns are terrible, but its not as if the Bears are blowing teams away on a week to week basis. Last weekend the Bears were disgraced, so I'm banking on the Mangini keeping this game within two touchdowns.

5. Jacksonville Jaguars (+2 1/2) at Tennessee Titans
I'm not really in love with a 5th pick this week, but in the end I shall go with the Jaguars because the Titans have simply given up this season. Their defense doesn't look like it cares and now the owner is making Quarterback decisions. Wee.

Survivor Pick of the Week: Chargers
The Raiders have beaten the Eagles this season so I guess this is not a lock, but if the Raiders play anything like they did last week they'll lose by 40.

The Rest of the Picks


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Leon Washington Was Mr. October

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Well he was until he broke his leg. Next season I bet Leon requests his picture be represented on the Jet calendar during and offseason month.

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Was the Expos Trading for Bartolo Colon the Worst Trade of All Time?

Let us set the stage...

The Montreal Expos are in disarray, they are owned by Major League baseball and there have been ample talks about contracting both them and the Minnesota Twins. The Expos find themselves in the Wild Card race with the opportunity to add Bartolo Colon, one of the best pitchers in baseball, who also happens to be in the 2nd to last year of his contract. Colon with the Indians in the first half of the season was 10-4 with a 2.55 ERA, but the Indians were out of it and looking to build for the future. In an attempt to try to get the Expos into the playoffs Omar Minaya made the splash move for Colon, also acquiring Tim Drew (brother of Stephen and JD) while giving up three prospects and Lee Stevens in the process.

Fast Forward Three Months...

Bartolo Colon absolutely did his job for the Expos. He replicated his 10-4 record he had with the Indians in the first half of the season and pitched to the tune of 3.31 ERA. The problem was the rest of the rotation did not do their jobs. The combination of a young Javy Vazquez, Carl Pavano, Tony Armas Jr., Tomo Ohka and Masato Yoshii were not nearly enough to get the Expos into the playoffs. The Expos finished 19 games back of the Braves for the AL East and 12.5 behind the Giants for the Wildcard.

The Price That Was Paid

At the time of the deal, the purported major piece traded was 2B Brandon Phillips while the two lesser prospects dealt were Grady Sizemore and Cliff Lee. The three would have made up a remarkable core for the Expos/Nats to build upon. Phillips after being traded to the Reds has emerged as one of the top 2nd baseman in the National League. In his 2nd season with the Reds he went 30/30 and won the gold glove. Grady Sizemore has been amongst the best outfielders in baseball. Sizemore has made three all star games, has finished in the top 12 of the MVP voting three times, and like Phillips has accomplished 30/30. Lee took awhile to blossom into a stud but in the past two seasons he has emerged as one of the best pitchers in baseball, taking home the AL Cy Young in 2008 and proving to be a fantastic postseason asset to the Phillies this season.

So Why is This Trade So Bad?

A rent-a-player happens all the time, you give up some prospects in hopes of getting an impact player and getting into the postseason. The problem was, at the time of the trade, the Expos were already 6.5 back of the division and 4 games out of the Wild Card. The Expos did not have the team to compete even with Bartolo Colon nor the money to keep him in the offseason. Therefore before the 2003 season the Expos dealt Colon in a three team deal to the White Sox for El Duque, Rocky Biddle, Jeff Liefer and Cash, none of whom ever made a significant impact on their franchise. Meanwhile Lee, Phillips, and Sizemore have all gone on to be excellent players for their respective teams.

The Expos were desperate. They were a team that needed to make a playoff push. They made a big splash trade but in the process they set their franchise back almost a full decade by giving up the cornerstones of their future. Trades don't get much worse than this.

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Degrees of Loss Separation: Oregon > USC

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Southern California Trojans vs. Oregon Ducks

With 5 games left in the season this game might as well be for the Pac 10 championship. The two teams are currently 1&2 in the Pac 10 and given that USC doesn't typically lose more than 1 game in a season, it's likely that if they beat Oregon they will run the table. Meanwhile an Oregon win puts them two games clear of the Trojans with just 4 to play and with only 3-1 Arizona standing in their way, an Arizona team that still has to host Oregon as well as play at Cal and at USC.

2ยบ of Loss Separation : Oregon > Washington > USC

Washington shocked the Pac 10 world when they managed to knock off the Barkley-less Trojans in Seattle 16-13. Last weekend the Ducks completed the quickest possible Degrees by crushing the Huskies 43-19 in Seattle.

Final Outcome: Oregon 25 USC 16

The mighty Ducks work it on the ground and fluster Barkley and party like its 2007 with a 9 point victory over the Trojans.

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The Big 5 College Football Games of Week 9

Well the Pac 10 is up for grabs, and Mark Richt could use a big win. Other than that the weekend would be entirely more interesting if Dez Bryant wasn't suspended.

5. Central Michigan at Boston College Eagles
Is this game big? No, but it at least has some intrigue. The Chippawas are on the cusp of being ranked and they get another BCS team on the road to join the top 25. The Pick: Eagles by 2

4. West Virginia at South Florida
Am I reaching a bit with this game too? Ya a little bit, but WVU is still undefeated and has a solid chance of reaching the a BCS bowl game. South Florida is just one opponent standing in the way. The Pick: South Florida by 3

3. Texas Longhorns at Oklahoma State Cowboys
The truth shall set you free Dez. Can't the NCAA just reinstate him for this game and this game alone? I really don't care about the rest of Okie State's games, but I'd really like them to beat Texas, something they most likely will not do without Dez. The Pick: Longhorns by 13 (Boo)

2. Georgia Bulldogs at Florida Gators in Jacksonville
The Gators have three tests left on the schedule: at Spurrierville, the Beatdown of Bowden and the Cocktail Party. Will they lose any of these games? I don't think so. The Pick: Gators by 9.

1. Southern California Trojans vs Oregon Ducks
Winner gets the Pac 10 and a trip to the Rose Bowl. They also get the modicum of hope that if chips fall in their favor everywhere in the country that they could wind up in the title game. Chip Kelly has some nuts in that he said that the earliest he would allow Blount to play would be the 7th, aka after the biggest game of the season, but does he have the cojones to knock precious Pete Carroll from his perch? Probably not. The Pick: USC by 6.

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World Series Quick Notes

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I've been a little quiet on the Yankee playoff front here, mostly because I don't want to celebrate until the deed is done. Thus, I haven't thrown up images of the Yankees celebrating or A-Rod hitting clutch home run after clutch home run. But since I'm a Yankee fan and this is the first time that they have been in the World Series since this blogs birth, it deserves at minimum a quick note post, so here goes...

~It's odd to think that it's been 6 years since the Yankees last appeared in the World Series. 6 years. Since that time the Red Sox have won the World Series twice and a lot of Yankee ALDS failure. 6 years shouldn't be a long time, but we were kind of spoiled in the 90s.

~It seems even more amazing that Jeter, Jorge, Mo, and Pettitte are all around still. Too bad Bernie is gone.

~Let's move to matchups...

The Matchup Edges

Lineup Advantage: Push
~These two teams have the best lineups in baseball. The Yankees goes 1-9 without an automatic out. The Phillies have similar muscle at the start of the lineup and end with Feliz and Ruiz, who is overly hot.

Starters: Edge Yankees
~Sabathia gets the mild edge over Lee. He's a better pitcher and is more likely to be unaffected by three days rest. The rest of the Phillies rotation is up in the air, Hamels has been poor this postseason, Pedro is old, Happ will be in the pen and Blanton is Blanton. Burnett will pitch one gem and one stinker and Pettitte is old but not as old as Pedro.

Bullpen: Edge Yankees
~Rivera is obviously better than Lidge and the rest of the bullpens for both teams have been shaky this postseason.

Manager: Edge Push
~Charlie Manuel just sounds stupid while Joe Girardi's bullpen moves make Tony LaRussa look conservative by comparison.

Random Notes

~Charlie Manuel is really thinking things through, or so the ESPN article claims. The big 5 moves he made were making Park his 7th inning man in game 1 (he promptly blew game 2), throwing Pedro (who didn't win), using Happ as a short man not a long man (because he's one of their best pitchers and using him as a strictly a long man would have been dumb), keeping Lidge as closer (because he had no other options really), and not removing Jimmy Rollins from the leadoff spot (he's been their leadoff hitter for 5+ years now). Yep, that Charlie Manuel, a big thinker.

~Ya Cleveland fans are a bit depressed.

~The Phillies could theoretically go Lee -> Pedro -> Hamels -> Lee -> Blanton -> Happ -> Lee, if Pedro pitches poorly and they want to avoid throwing nonstop lefties. 5 starters in a World Series would likely be a poor decision.

~Thank God Freddy Guzman isn't on the roster, what a waste he was.

~Who's Your Daddy will be chanted in the first inning tomorrow night, if not tonight.

~Jayson Stark is having a debate about whether or not the winner of this World Series will be stamped as "The Team of the Decade", I say that there really isn't one. No one will have won more than two titles.

~ESPN goes holy Yankee Prediction Batman.

~It'd be nice if Phil Hughes and Joba could be dominant this series.

~Random bloggers pretty much just pick the Phillies cause they hate the Yankees more.

~God seems to like rain on Yankee game days.

~Stubhub tickets are very very pricey, and I do not look forward to all the suits and empty seats in the bottom level tonight. Where have you gone real fan? Where the affordable and actually purchasable ticket has gone, to someplace outside of the Bronx.

~The prediction came on April 3rd and I'm sticking to it, obviously.

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Who Shall the Met Fan Pull For?

If you asked a typical Met fan to list his three most hated teams, I'm willing to bet that 90% of those lists would include both the Phillies and the Yankees. So now that the 2009 World Series includes both teams, which team shall the angry bitter Met fan pull for?

The reason behind the hatred for the Phillies is obvious. They have been division rivals with the Phillies since their existence. The Phillies have been the NL East squad to overtake the Mets during their collapses of 2007 and 2008. The Phillies led by Jimmy Rollins have talked shit about the Mets for years. During a typical Mets Phillies game, about 47 brawls break out in the seats. Hatred of the Phillies is a given if you are a Mets fan.

Hatred of the Yankees is also a given for a Mets fan. First of all their is the obvious jealousy factor. In my lifetime the Mets have 1 World Series win, when I was 3. Meanwhile the Yankees have 4 rings, including a win over the Mets in 2000 and countless more trips to the postseason than the Mets. Met fans desire the success of the Yankees and they desire the Wilpons to spend as much money as the Steinbrenners. Met fans also hate Yankee fans. Why? Because most of them are assholes and take incredible amounts of pleasure in making fun of the Mets for the Yankees' overall superiority.

If I had to guess, I'd say a Met fan would typically have more hatred for the Phillies and their roster (mostly Rollins and Victorino) and would side with the Yankees but I could be incorrect. Jealousy is a very very powerful source of hatred, perhaps enough to overcome the hatred of a rival. So who will the Met fan pull for, most likely a time machine to morph A-Rod back into his useless former self so that they could avoid this whole mess.

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Looks Like Larry Johnson's Not Going to Get That Chiefs Rushing Record

Over the past few weeks on Larry Johnson has made it very evident on his blog that he is looking forward to setting the All-Time Chiefs Rushing Record. Well thanks to the fact that he is an asshole, the rumor mill is swirling that the Chiefs are going to release Johnson over the next few days after they told him to get the hell out of the facilities yesterday. Good job jackass, I bet Priest Holmes won't mind holding onto the record a bit longer.

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Week 8 Blogpoll

Before you yell and say where is so and so team, please read my polling philosophy and then yell afterwards.

1-7 No Movement

Yes it's lame, but honestly none of the top 7 teams did anything too impressive. USC knocked off Oregon St. which was a nice win, but Washington lost yet again so I'm not ready for them to leap frog Texas, maybe if OSU hadn't lost to Purdon't. Also, we're still keeping Boise St. a notch above Oregon and keeping them above TCU because right now they arguably have the best win in the country.

1. Alabama - Quality Wins: Virginia Tech(n), @Ole Miss, South Carolina
2. Florida - Quality Wins: Tennessee, @LSU, Arkansas
3. Iowa - Quality Wins: @Penn State, Michigan, @Wisconsin
4. Texas - Quality Wins: TT, Oklahoma (n)
5. USC - Quality Wins: @Ohio State, Cal, @Notre Dame, Oregon St. - Bad Losses: Washington
6. Boise State -Quality Wins: Oregon
7. Oregon-Quality Wins: Utah, Cal, @UCLA

8. TCU - The Horned Frogs are the biggest movers in the poll for two reasons, obviously the win over BYU and secondly the fact Clemson is starting to morph into an ACC contender. Quality Wins: @UVA, @Clemson, @BYU

9. LSU - I moved LSU up thanks to the Auburn win and the fact that we're still not penalizing them for a close loss to Florida.Quality Wins: Auburn, @Georgia

10. Cincinnati - The meat of their Big East schedule still await them. Quality Wins: @Rutgers, @Oregon State, @USF

11. Houston - Quality Wins: @Oklahoma State, Texas Tech, @Miss St. - Bad Losses: UTEP

And the rest is up for grabs. Miami and BYU are the big droppers for their losses. Texas Tech bails out as does Nebraska, Arkansas and Michigan due to losses. And Cal is out after another Tennessee loss.

1 Alabama
2 Florida
3 Iowa
4 Texas
5 Southern Cal
6 Boise State
7 Oregon
8 TCU 9
9 LSU 4
10 Cincinnati 2
11 Houston 2
12 Georgia Tech 1
13 Virginia Tech 1
14 Penn State 6
15 Pittsburgh 1
16 West Virginia
17 Oklahoma State 2
18 South Carolina 1
19 Miami (Florida) 9
20 Arizona
21 Ohio State 3
22 Brigham Young 6
23 Georgia
24 Oklahoma
25 Notre Dame
Last week's ballot

Dropped Out: Texas Tech (#18), California (#21), Nebraska (#22), Arkansas (#23), Michigan (#25).

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2009, The Thank You Cleveland World Series

If there is a single fan base that will suffer the most at the start of tonights game, it most certainly will be the Cleveland Indian fan. CC Sabathia and Cliff Lee are the two defending AL Cy Young award winners. They both are slated to pitch games 1,4, and 7 of the World Series. They both won their awards in an Indian uniform but never lead them to the World Series.

In 2007 the Indians led by CC Sabathia and Fausto Carmona won the AL Central and with the help of some handy midges defeated the Yankees in the ALDS. Unfortunately for them that would be as far as they would go. Unlike in 2009 CC Sabathia did not pitch 16 innings while just giving up 2 runs, he instead took two losses. Meanwhile, Cliff Lee didn't discover his brilliance until 2008 and didn't even pitch in the playoffs.

At the start of the 2008 season the Indians were the AL Central favorite and had a rotation which consisted of both CC Sabathia and Cliff Lee. Unfortunately for them, Fausto Carmona shat the bed and after a few key injuries and the spontaneous shrinking of pronk, the Indians shopped and sold CC.

2009 started off much like 2008 for the Indians. Cliff Lee like CC in 08 struggle some out of the gate, in part due to some horrendous run support, and the Indians dug themselves a very early hole. At the all star break as the Indians had already began to accept their poor reality, the Indians once again sold off their defending Cy Young Award winner to the highest bidder.

Now just a few months removed from the Lee deal, Indians fans are forced to watch potentially 3 games in the World Series in which the only starting pitchers are former members of their rotation. It must suck to be an Indians fan.

Image Courtesy of the Very Depressed Waiting for Next Year

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Might Want to Watch Where You Are Going...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

When a man who is ripped as hell is sprinting at full speed in your general direction...

Well that was a good way to end the day.

Courtesy of The Big Lead

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Completely Biased and Contradictory 09-10 NBA Season Predictions

The NBA Season has arrived so here is the biased and contradictory predictions.

NBA East

1. Cleveland Cavs, Central Champs - Lebron = Central Championship. Lebron = Best Record in the League.

2. Boston Celtics, Atlantic Champs - The Celtics need to keep KG, Ray Ray, Pierce, and Rasheed healthy all season. They aren't getting any younger.

3. Orlando Magic, Southeast Champs - I can't say I'm in love with the Vince Carter move, Hedo hit some very very clutch shots last season, but they shouldn't fall off too much.

4. Miami Heat - Dwyane Wade will get this team into the postseason on his back, but unless Jermaine O'Neal is a beast again, they will likely just get there and be a quick out.

5. Atlanta Hawks - If only the Hawks had drafted Chris Paul or Deron Williams.

6. Washington Wizards - Agent Zero is back which means the Wizards are bound to lose to the Cavs in the playoffs.

7. Detroit Pistons - The retooled Pistons will likely just sneak into the playoffs.

8. Philadelphia 76ers - The Sixers were better without Brand last year, what about this year?

9. Chicago Bulls - Derrick Rose out of the playoffs? Perhaps.

10. New York Knicks - Knicks making the playoffs is laughable, which is why Harrington guaranteeing their return trip makes him a comedian.

11. Indiana Pacers - It's Danny Granger and a bunch of white guys.

12. Charlotte Bobcats - Doesn't seem like this team will ever be good.

13. Toronto Raptors - Yay for overspending for Hedo and still having a mediocre team.

14. New Jersey Nets - No Russian Billionaire is going to be able to make the Nets any good this season.

15. Milwaukee Bucks - Quick name 2 bucks outside of Redd?

NBA West

1. LA Lakers, Pacific Champs - The Lakers are the NBA favorites for good reason, they are the defending champ and somehow added Ron Ron to their roster for Trevor Ariza.

2. San Antonio Spurs, Southwest Champs - The retooled Spurs will try to figure a way to keep Manu and Duncan fresh for the playoffs.

3. Denver Nuggets, Northwest Champs - Melo might be an MVP threat this season if he can replicate his 08-09 improvements.

4. Portland Trailblazers - Brand Roy is a beast and if they can get Andre Miller to shut up and be a team player they might be able to stun a few people in the playoffs.

5. Dallas Mavericks - Dirk's hair is fantastic.

6. New Orleans Hornets - Emeka Okafor, if healthy, should be able to replicate if not improve upon what Tyson Chandler gave the Hornets.

7. Utah Jazz - The Jazz didn't take the steps I thought they were going to take last year and now Kirilenko appears to be on the downswing.

8. Phoenix Suns - The Suns will battle to hold onto the last playoff spot this season, but Nash will still find a way.

9. Houston Rockets - No Yao = No Playoffs.

10. Golden St. Warriors - The Warriors have been a Soap Opera the entire offseason, and they still won't play a lick of defense all year.

11. LA Clippers - Woo Blake Griffin is out 6 weeks. Being a Clipper fan must be so much fun!

12. Minnesota Timberwolves - Al Jefferson is already nursing an injury and this is after the T-Wolves botched the NBA draft.

13. Memphis Grizzlies - SO AI and OJ is going to work how?

14. Seattle Supersonics OKC Thunder - Kevin Durant is fun but this team has a long way to go.

15. Sacramento Kings - Quick name three kings? You can't.

Eastern Conference Champs: Cleveland Cavaliers

Shaq may be old, but he still is a huge asset, emphasis on huge. Lebron is not going to be denied this season. He's going to score 40+ in the Eastern Conference playoff run and the Cavs will slide by the Celtics in the Conference finals.

Western Conference Champs: San Antonio Spurs

The Spurs and Lakers will line up for an epic series in the Western Conference finals but this time it will be the Spurs who get it done. RJ will be forced to hang with Kobe all day and all night while Ron Ron and Lamar Odom will likely fight with each other over who is more aloof.

World Champs: San Antonio Spurs

With the addition of Richard Jefferson and some added muscle with DeJuan Blair coming off the bench the Spurs will give Tim Duncan his final hurrah. It will be annoying because they are incredibly boring to watch and I think we can all rally around hating Tony Parker, but they will get it done in the finals over the Shaqzilla.

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09-10 NBA Season Awards Predictions

Sixth Man of the Year: Paul Millsap, Coming off the bench Millsap is a rebounding machine and a workhorse in the paint.

Comeback Player of the Year: Gilbert Arenas, Agent zero shall return the Wizards to the NBA Playoffs and shall garner the comeback award.

Coach of the Year: Flip Saunders, When the Wizards make the playoffs again Flip will get a lot of credit and will win the coach of the year award over those whose team were expected to be good.

Rookie of the Year: Tyreke Evans, with Griffin out 6 weeks this seems like the logical choice.

Defensive Player of the Year: Mickael Pietrus, Picking Dwight Howard just seems boring, so let's go with his teammate, lock down but french defender, Mickael Pitrus.

Most Improved Player of the Year: Greg Oden, here's hoping the big man can stay healthy for the entire year and develop some type of offensive game.

Most Valuable Player: Lebron James, Picking anyone other than Kobe, D-Wade or Lebron is straight up stupid. And we're not stupid.

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NFL Week 7 Awards

Wow You Guys Suck: A Whole Shit Load of Teams, Honestly have there ever been more teams that were absolutely positively brutal. Between the Chiefs, Bucs, Raiders, Rams, Titans, etc... you have a handful of teams that provide ugly boring football on a week to week basis. Runners Up: JaMarcus Russell finally benched woo, duh Bears defense.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Tony Sparano, Let's get the ball to start the second half up 14 after dominating on the ground and throw the ball 5 times on 6 offensives plays. A 3 and out and a pick 6 later and the Dolphins were on their way to falling into a deeper hole. Runners Up: And Reid cause how the hell did they lose to the Raiders, Eli Manning went INT happy.

Cough Cough Cough: Miami Dolphins, You had a chance to re-enter the AFC East race, you had the undefeated Saints beat down and and reeling. You had an unstoppable rush attack. But you let up a late touchdown and stop playing defense in the 2nd half. Runners Up: Brett Favre helping Pitt score 2 tds,

The Shocker: The Bills, This is a stretch considering the Panthers aren't very good, but it's really the only game that went the opposite of what was expected. Runners Up: Nada.

The Pimp: Cedric Benson, Revenge was a delicious delicious dish on sunday for Cedric Benson. All of a sudden he's an elite NFL running back and he proved it in most likely the one spot he really wanted it the most, against the Chicago Bears. Runners Up: Carson Palmer wasn't too shabby either, Seriously where did Miles Austin come from.

You Got JAKKED UP: William Gay,

My Fantasy Anti-MVP: Leon Washington and my brain, When Leon broke his leg on play #1, there went my week of fantasy, especially since I didn't play Miles Austin.

New York Jets MVP: O-Line, For the 2nd straight week the Jets rushed for 300+ yards, that's a beastly performance by the O-Line.

My Picks

My Picks: 8-5
Preseason Picks: 7-6
Picks Vs. Spread: 6-7
Pick Suggestions: 4-1

Another weak week, ugh.

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People That Should Go Bankrupt Because They Are An Asshole: Larry Johnson

Monday, October 26, 2009

Congratulations Larry Johnson, you are rich. You were born incredibly athletic and were blessed to never suffer a career ending injury in the high school or college and lucky enough to be given good health else wise. Because of your athletic gifts in perhaps a better than average work ethic (might be debatable) you are a very very rich man. But you sir are an asshole, who if God was truly righteous and fair, would be broke within a calendar year.

First Larry Johnson decided that Twitter was the best place to air his grievances against the Chiefs Head Coach Todd Haley:

"my father got more creditentials than most of these pro coaches. … google my father!!!!!!!"

"My father played for the coach from "rememeber the titans". Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn"

Yep, his father should be his coach. Hoorah. Why? Because Todd Haley was too unathletic to play football, unlike his father who played at Elizabeth City State University, whatever the hell that is, and was on the Redskins roster for a season, woo. I'm not here to say his father is a bad coach, he's a legendary high school coach in Maryland and has been on the PSU staff for 14 years, but shut up Larry.

So of course because this is twitter and people can reply to him @toonicon (whatever that means), they started insulting him because he has as many touchdowns as I do this season, zero. How does Larry Johnson respond to these insults? He calls them fags and says that he has more money than them.

Larry: "@jaredlaunius Sorry ur a cornball n ur mom birthed u broke. But I'm cakn patna. While u work or school for 5 dollas n hour. Ha!"

"@KD2407 then don't reply then. Still richer then u. Keep goin. Come play our game ooops forgot u can't."

If you were severely concussed this weekend Larry, it would be fantastic karma, for you sir are a complete asshole.

H/T Deadspin

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2009 Sports Inspired Halloween Costumes

If you have no idea what to be for Halloween and you want a quick fix, here are ten ridiculously easy sports costumes relevant to 09 that you can get done in minutes.

10. Richard Gasquet - Walk around in white shorts, a white polo, a tennis racket, and powder powder rubbed all on your face and your tongue and tell people you ingest coke stictly by making out with females.

9. Mark McGwire Hitting Coach - Get yourself some baseball pants, a Cardinals jacket, and walk around with syringes, pills and cremes letting people know that you have the quick fix to curing the Cardinals home run issues.

8. Manny in the Shower - Get a dreadlocked wig, and a white towel and walk around asking people how well Broxton pitched in the 9th.

7. Kenny Powers / Mitch Williams - A Mullett wig, a pair of old beat up jeans, and a jersey of some minor league team that no one cares about. Than just make sure you say fuck at least once every sentence. The Powers is pulled off much better if you are fat.

6. LaDanian Tomlinson with a Cane - Fill in your old and now useless running back here, be it LDT, Larry Johnson or Jamal Lewis. Just walk around with their jersey on a pair of old man slacks and a cane and bitch about how Roger Goodell and the NFL don't pay for your health insurance.

5. Randy Hanson - Get yourself a black eye and a Raiders hooded sweatshirt and you're Randy Hanson after getting punched in the face by Tom Cable.

4. Tebus Christ - Take whatever Florida gear you have, preferably a Tebow #15 jersey and create some kind of halo to put over your head. Than talk about how you circumcise kids in the Philippines and are the Sports Jesus.

3. The Favre Two Face - This is for Packers fans out there. Just take you're old Favre jersey that you have but refuse to wear and paint one side purple. Than just paint one side of your head evil like Two Face in Batman.

2. Plaxico Burress - A pair of bloodied jeans, a glock, and a hoody is all you need to be Plaxico. That and walking around with a limp.

1. Steve Phillips & Brooke Hundley - Get the salt and pepper hair going with a grey suit and then get one of your mildly plump fat male friends to dawn a wig and plain grey t-shirt.

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Just Win and Move On

At the end of the day a win is a win. It doesn't matter the style of the victory or the final score, it's pick up the W and move on. This weekend the Hawkeyes and Crimson Tide were amongst the most notable achievers of survive and advance.

The Crimson Tide with the help of two missed field goals by David Lincoln looked to be in control and cruising towards their 8th win of the season but sometimes football takes a few crazy turns. Hesiman hopeful Mark Ingram fumbled the ball away at mid-field to give UT the ball with 3:29 to go. No big deal though, the Crimson Tide still had a 9 point lead with their defense playing soundly as usual. But Jonathan Crompton woke up and with just over 1 minute left Crompton threw a td pass to cut the lead to just 2. No big deal, Tennessee needed to get an onside kick and that almost never works... except this time of course. So with their undefeated season on the line, Bama needed David Lincoln to miss his 3rd field goal of the day and he did, blocked again. Survive and advance.

The Hawkeyes have seemingly been walking the tight rope for the last 4 weeks. This week with the score locked at 6-6 the Hawkeyes kicked the tie-breaking field goal with just under 3 minutes to go. The Hawkeyes just needed to continue to play stellar d and keep the Spartans out of the endzone like they had the first 55 minutes of the game. Or not, the Spartans scored a td to take the lead in under 90 seconds. Whoops. The Hawkeys now needed Ricky Stanzi to somehow drive the Hawkeyes 70 yards in 97 seconds. Stanzi utilized every last second on the clock when he threw the game winning 7 yard strike to Marvin McNutt. Survive and advance.

Now onto the preliminary poll for this week...

1 Alabama
2 Florida
3 Iowa
4 Texas
5 Southern Cal
6 Boise State
7 Oregon
8 Cincinnati
9 LSU 4
10 Houston 1
11 Georgia Tech
12 TCU 5
13 Virginia Tech 1
14 Pittsburgh
15 Oklahoma State
16 Texas Tech 2
17 Penn State 3
18 South Carolina 1
19 Miami (Florida) 9
20 Ohio State 4
21 West Virginia
22 Arizona
23 Georgia
24 Brigham Young 8
25 Oklahoma
Last week's ballot

Dropped Out: California (#21), Nebraska (#22), Arkansas (#23), Michigan (#25).

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The Return of the Arm Punt

Season 2 Episode 1 of Arm Punt Formations starring "The Gunslinger"

a comic strip!

Check out more Episodes of Arm Punt Formations

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