Raiders Fans Are Smarter Than You Think

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Yesterday afternoon Awful Announcing explained to everyone how the folks in the Bay Area and Houston were going to be the lone poor chaps to miss out on watching the game of the century. Well not so fast AA. The Raider fans are smarter than you think. Much smarter than you think.

According the NFL rules if any NFL franchise does not sell out a home game then the cable companies operating within a 75 mile radius from the stadium will be blocked from showing the game. Currently the game is not a sellout and unless the Raider fans flock to the ticket booths and purchase every last one by 1:15 tomorrow afternoon then the folks within 75 miles of the stadium will unfortunately be barred from watching their Oakland Raiders face off against the illustrious Houston Texans.

Taking this punishment in stride, football fans in the Bay Area will instead be forced into watching CBS's coverage of the 8-0 New England Patriots traveling to Indy to face off against the Colts. And all this time you thought Raider fans were just a bunch of rowdy morons, when the whole time they have been clever savants. Utilizing NFL rules to garner coverage of the best game available instead of the mediocre battle in their backyard.

Unfortunately for the folks of Houston and people just outside this 75 mile radius, they're stuck with the meaningless contest.

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Pete Kendall's Revenge

So in my humble cubicle I have limited decorations. One of which is the 2007 Green Vomit, I mean New York Jet, calendar. Each month there is one putrid Jet's picture featured. For the month of October, a month where the Jets won no games whatsoever, the featured Jet was? You guessed it Pete Kendall the former Jet left guard that they decided wasn't worth the additional one million dollars this season and was sent packing to the Redskins. Who's laughing now? Certainly not me.

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David Ortiz is Like Myself?

One of my childhood friends went to Colorado after somehow scoring tickets for Game 3 and Game 4 of the World Series and ended up at the same bar as the Sox post game 4. Most of the pics are either him or his younger sis with players so I'm not gonna post those and some are just players walking around the bar, it seems as if they weren't overly rowdy yet. Anyway these are the two that I enjoyed the most.

Julio Lugo apparently enjoys the double thumbs up and queer looking hats. That probably explains his .230 batting average this season. And now David Ortiz pissing out the window. ...

Ok, he probably is just looking out the window and is doing nothing that cool. However, if he actually was pissing out the window in a crowded bar I might be willing to wear a David Ortiz jersey to a Yankee Red Sox game because it would be that cool.

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NFL Week 8 Awards

Wow You Guys Suck: Washington Redskins, We're 4-2 and should be atleast competetive for a few minutes. Nope 52-7 wiped off the face of the planet. They shouldn't have even shown up on sunday. Runners Up: Jets, Dolphins, & Rams all are miserable football teams.

Cough Cough Cough: Brian Griese, The Sex Cannon has to be semi-enjoying this from the bench. Griese sucks just as much as he did and that should be a surprise to no one. People of Chicago start scouting college QBs now. Runners Up: Minnesota can start the QB look as well, Kellen Clemens had a stellar substitution throwing 2 INTs in 3 minutes I can't wait for him to start this weekend.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Jon Gruden How do you lose a home game to a team with it's third string QB who couldn't throw the ball at all until his final throw of the game. You couldn't stuff the run at all knowing their QB sucked? Runners Up: Mike Shanahan calling a QB draw on 3rd and 1 from the 4 down by 3, the Jets pussying out of 4th and 1 from the 45 in the 4th quarter.

The Shocker: Boycotting, The NFL is supposed to be the land of upsets a parity and blah blah blah. Well it certainly wasn't the week. The team with the better record won every single game. Everyone, there were no shocking upsets, there was nothing even surprising. Runners Up: Nada

The Pimp: Brett Favre, On monday I watched the closing minutes of regulation and decided that I wanted to hit the sack instead of watching overtime cause I was beat. Well that apparently saved me about 20 seconds of awake time after Brett Favre threw a perfect strike for a TD. Runners Up: The Entire Patriot and Colt rosters.

You Got JAKKED UP: Laveraneus Coles, Good ole Chad threw a nice out route high extending Coles in the air. He was immediately destroyed and was nice and unconscious for a few minutes. Go Jets.

My Fantasy Anti-MVP: Drew Brees, Another week down, another week of facing the team that puts up the most points in the league. This is getting to be so much fun. Thanks Drew for waking up when you are playing me.

New York Jets MVP: Jonathan Vilma, Why? Because he's on the IR with a knee injury which doesn't exist. Well atleast an injury that he doesn't feel it's appropriate to say what's wrong with it nor which knee is actually injured.

My Picks

My Picks: 11-2
Preseason Picks: 7-6
Picks Vs. Spread: 10-3

Everything good except for the preseason.

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Engineers Are Overrated

People keep on chiming in saying that Joe Girardi is a smart guy, he even got an engineering degree from Northwestern. Wow, isn't that great an engineer. He must be so super smart to be an engineer. I think it's pretty safe to say from personal experience that just cause you are an engineer doesn't mean you make good decisions...

That ain't Apple Cyder, thats a gallon of delicious Natty Light which was finished in 12 minutes...

Why wipe the black puke off your face when you can savor the flavor...

Front teeth are overrated and so are dentists and milk...

Naaman apparently enjoys bleeding, or playing the broken broom guitar. Not quite sure...

Unfortunately there is no photographic evidence of me urinating on Barret's door knob but regardless being an engineer isn't necessarily a sign of intelligence.

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Do I Really Want Boston to Enjoy Another

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I was born and raised a Celtic fan and have never wavered from that position in my life (other than to additionally cheer on C-Webb). But this year is an odd one. I was saddened by the trade of my favorite Celtic and don't feel any real connection with the current roster given that 2/3 of the team are newly acquired studs that I will never associate with the Celtics.

In any other year I would quickly get over this fact. However this year my hatred towards all things Boston has hit its highest point. The Red Sox just won the World Series, which intensely pissed me off. The Patriots are arguably the best football team ever assembled, which is overly depressing. Even BC seems bullet proof. Hell the Bruins even had a hot start. Everything seems to be going Boston's way. Even in college when I was surrounded by Mass fans a Red Sox World Series and multiple Pats Superbowl titles I didn't hate Boston teams this much. Perhaps its the fact that I was mildly sympathetic in 2004 where as now as a statement of fact the Red Sox are and a better team and should be next season. Maybe with each additional year of dominance my Patriot hate increases. Whatever it is I just feel like more and more I am hoping for the demise of a Boston team and more and more I am disappointed by their success rate.

If the Celtics were to ever win the title this season it would fully stamp the fact Boston would have the most historic year in Sporting History and I honestly right now I don't know if I can or want to deal with that. Perhaps in a few months after the fallout of the World Series and perhaps a stunning upset of the Pats, and after watching the Celtics play a few games I will again grow to love the Leprechauns but right now I am unsure if I can throw my typical passion towards the hardwood.

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Completely Biased and Contradictory NBA Season Predictions

Wow the NBA is starting up already, is it just me or does this seem incredibly early.

NBA East

1. Detroit Pistons, Central Champs - The safe Eastern Conference pick, the record is always good they maintain relatively the same roster and they have the talent to win games.

2. Miami Heat, Southeast Champs - Adding Ricky Davis adds a little crazy, but it also adds energy and talent which should help the Heat once again capture the Southeast crown.

3. Boston Celtics, Atlantic Champs - Three superstars and a lot of unproven players surrounding the Cs, they should be good enough to win the division but they might lag a little behind the Heat and Pistons to start the year.

4. Chicago Bulls - The Bulls are team rumor #1 for picking up Kobe, either way the Bulls have the talent to put up a good record this season.

5. New Jersey Nets -The Nets are a borderline team for me, if they all are healthy they should end up pushing the Celtics for the division crown, if Jefferson Carter or Kidd get injured they could miss the playoffs.

6. Cleveland Cavs - The Lebrons made the finals last year but in a vastly improving Eastern Conference did nothing in the offseason to help out their roster and should slide back in the pack a little bit.

7. Orlando Magic - The Magic just narrowly missed out on the playoffs last season but with the overpayment of Rashard Lewis and the continual growth of Dwight Howard they should sneak in.

8. Atlanta Hawks - I had to throw atleast one curveball in this conference and this is it. The Hawks have a lot of talent on their roster and with the addition of Al Horford have some post play to match the 7 consecutive small forwards they drafted.

9. Washington Wizards - Agent Zero is going to be very very pissed off if this team struggles and does not make the playoffs.

10. New York Knicks - The Knickerbockers should float around the playoff line after the addition of Zach Randolph, but they have too many selfish players and it will be just when the miss out and Ike gets the boot.

11. Toronto Raptors - Last years surprise team in the East will struggle this season simply because the teams surrounding them in the division are vastly improved from the offseason.

12. Milwaukee Bucks - A bad team last year who picked up one large question mark in the draft. If Yi is as good as some people think, they could make the playoffs, if he struggles to adjust the Bucks should continue to struggle this season.

13. Charlotte Bobcats - The Bobcats added Jason Richardson, but really they shouldn't be much more than a competitive team this season.

14. Philadelphia 76ers - They just lack a top tier player, if you look around the league most teams have atleast one player with superstar talent, the 76ers best player is Andre Iguodala, who is not a superstar.

15. Indiana Pacers - This team has plummeted from one of the best teams in the East to a complete mess who should have jettisoned Jermaine O'Neal in the offseason.

NBA West

1. Dallas Mavericks, Southwest Champs - The Mavs win a lot of games. I don't care to elaborate on that much.

2. Phoenix Suns, Pacific Champs - This year the Suns have to get it done. Amare should be healthier, this could be the last go round with Marion, if they don't get it done this year they never will. They might as well consider themselves the 2000s version of the 90s Kings.

3. San Antonio Spurs - Boring. The Spurs don't care about the regular season. They give Duncan and Ginobli plenty of rest. Win a ton of games and then just settle behind the Mavs for the best record.

4. Denver Nuggets, Northwest Champs - The Northwest is still piss poor and with a full offseason together the Nuggets should win the division behind Carmelo and AI.

5. Houston Rockets - So much potential every single year for the Rockets and every year they fizzle in the first round after Yao and/or T-Mac get hurt for a significant time during the season. There's no reason to expect otherwise this year.

6. Utah Jazz - Deron Williams is one of my absolute favorite players in the NBA to watch and should continue his growth towards being an elite PG in the league.

7. Memphis Grizzlies - The worst team in the league who tanked games down the stretch is going to make the playoffs? Sure why not, Pao is healthy and they have a point guard this year.

8. Golden St. Warriors - Perhaps the Warriors will drop off a tad with the trade of Jason Richardson, but they should be good enough to sneak into the postseason again.

9. LA Lakers - If the Lakers just played Kobe they probably would make the playoffs, however they seem intent on pissing him off or trading him, both are bad ideas.

10. NO/OKC Hornets - Are they still playing games in OKC this year? Either way this team should again be in the limbo of not miserable but not that good.

11. LA Clippers - The Clippers season is already essentially over after all of the injuries they had in the offseason.

12. Sacramento Kings - This team was bad last year, and now with Bibby out for up to 2 months they aren't going to be any better.

13. Seattle Supersonics - I think this team could have been good if they had kept Ray Ray and Rashard, but they let both go and went complete youth movement and really shouldn't sniff the playoffs the last two months of the season.

14. Minnesota Timberwolves -I understand the criticism of Kevin McHale for the Garnett trade, but I love Big Al and think he will mature into a perennial 24 point per game player. I don't understand the Ricky Davis trade, but I guess they really want to push for last place.

15. Portland Trailblazers - The loss of Oden is certainly bad for fans this season, however in the long run it could be a good thing. If Oden can recoop and come back healthy, the Blazers should stink this season and come back in 2008 with another excellent player from the draft.

Eastern Conference Champs: Boston Celtics

Despite the improvement of the Eastern Conference it still does not have the super teams like the Western Conference does. The Celtics come into the season with the largest three weapons of any Eastern Conference team. It could take awhile to mold the talent but by the postseason they should be ready to go and should have a better squad than both Detroit and Miami.

Western Conference Champs: San Antonio Spurs

Last year I went with the Mavericks... They got bounced in the first round, whoops. This year I'm going with the no brainer safe pick Spurs. Tim Duncan doesn't go anywhere every year, they still are well coached and they play winning basketball. There's really no sense in not picking a team you pretty much know, if healthy, will at minimum be in the Western Conference finals

World Champs: Boston Celtics

When the Garnett trade went down I expressed my frustration and thought that it was a bad deal and didn't think that they would win a title with the constructed team. Now? Well I still don't really think they will beat the Spurs and I don't know if I really think they will make the finals (so you can disregard that Eastern Conference paragraph if you like) but whatever Boston is winning everything else this year, why not the NBA as well.

NBA Season Awards

Coach of the Year: Scott Skiles, Back to back years I'm going with Scott Skiles, not quite sure why but hell why not.

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant, Too much talent, too much opportunity, too much hype. If Durant does not win this award I will be shocked.

Sixth Man of the Year: Ricky Davis, I really don't know if Ricky Davis is going to start or come off the bench for the Heat, but let's assume he comes of the bench. Kind of like I'm assuming he will be very good.

Defensive Player of the Year: Gerald Wallace, I went with this last year as well, probably a dumb decision but whatever.

Most Improved Player of the Year: Rajon Rondo, this award is the most impossible for anyone to predict. I'll go with Rondo cause he wasn't that good last year and maybe the 3 stars will make him look like a competent PG this year.

Most Valuable Player: Dwayne Wade, With the flux in LA, Cleveland being worse, the Spurs resting Duncan this award is up for grabs. I'll go with a healthy Dwayne Wade, who will have the hype is on a good team and should have a big year.

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Top of the Heap (Again)

Well, the Sox are the World Champs again. I may take a bunch of crap for this, but you know what, it’s really just not that exciting compared to 2004. I was at a concert Sunday night in Portland, got back to my buddy’s apartment late, watched Kielty hit the homerun, and you know what I did? Got in the car and started driving home. I was fine with listening to the Sox win the World Series on the radio, and not just because Miller and Morgan are like listening to angels sing compared to McCarver and Buck.

And here’s why. For starters, the Sox pulled off the improbable comeback in the ALCS again. That was the exciting series. Young guys were coming up huge when they needed to and Beckett saved the season in game 5. I will say this, the Sox looked dead in the water in that series, then they started having fun again when they had nothing to lose, and the next thing you know Youk is sporting oven mitts in the dugout during the World Series.

Second, we didn’t have to go through the Yanks to get there. That’s the reality, the Yankees are the Darth Helmet to our Lonestar, or maybe it’s the other way around for now, and when you don’t have to go through the enemy to achieve victory, it’s just not as sweet.

Third, the National League sucks. The AL has won 11 of the last 17 World Series, and the NL has swept only one of those series. Also, with the exception Bonds, there really isn’t anybody to hate in the NL. Can anybody say that they hate the Rockies? I’ll bet even their fans aren’t that upset, that was pretty sweet run they went on, and it had to end sometime.

Last but not least, the Pats. This may be because I played football and not baseball in high school, but this is historic. They have a chance to be the most dominant team to play professional sports. And granted they were in the midst of going 14-2 in 2004 as well, but that was with half of the talent that they have this year. The Pats victories this year are like train wrecks; the carnage is so horrific you can’t even look away even though you want to change the channel.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm still amped up about this World Championship. Most of all for Mike Lowell, who my old man refers to simply as "a ball player." And that's what he is. He is the epitamy of baseball, and to have a career year and then win the World Series and the series MVP is exactly what he deserves. It will be a travesty if the Sox don't resign him. That's the diffence this time around for me, in 2004 I was overjoyed for the team and the fanbase, this year I feel more excited about the individuals on the team.

One other thing real quick here. Curt Schilling gets his balls broken about a lot of things, mostly stemming from his blogging and his love of whatever lame ass computer game it is that he plays, but I will say this, he looks like the Rock of Gibraltar in the playoffs. His lines from 2004 and 2007 are almost identical:


3-1, 22.2 innings, 3.57 ERA, 13 Ks/ 5 BBs


3-0, 24 innings, 3.00 ERA, 16 Ks/ 3 BBs

Now I don’t know what’s more impressive, the fact that he pitched that well in 2004 with his ankle disintegrating or the fact that 3 years later he pitched even better. His stats from this year would have been even more impressive if he didn’t get touched for 5 runs by Cleveland in the 2nd game of that series.

Stats courtesy of:,
Pic: Tom Szczerbowski/US Presswire

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Not A Strong Football Team

Monday, October 29, 2007

You know your not a very strong football team when you trample your cheerleader and she walks off unhurt. Their run defense must be similar to the New York Jets.

Courtesy of With Leather

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NCAA Week 9 Power Rankings

Remember this is all about Quality Wins and Bad Losses so if you lose to a top ranked team its not going to kill you, if you lose to Appalachian St. in the opener it will haunt you the entire season.

1. Louisiana State - An off week does a little bit to depreciate the LSU holding of the #1 spot in the poll. VaTech, the Cocks and Florida all lost. Additionally Kentucky fell for the 2nd consecutive week. The Bama matchup this weekend will help fortify their standing. Quality Wins: VaTech, South Carolina, Florida, Auburn

2. Oregon - One fumble at the goal line and they would be the #1 team in the country. Now they sit with wins over two perennial Rose Bowl squads. A win vs. Arizona St. will push them to the cusp of the #1 1 loss squad in the country. Quality Wins: @Michigan, USC

3. Oklahoma - The Sooners should be on cruise control until the Big 12 finals. However, with their not so stellar performance against Iowa St. and the trends thus far this season they better stay on their toes. Quality Wins: Texas(n), Miami, Missouri | Bad Loss: Colorado

4. Boston College - Matt Ryan puked his way to a win in Blacksburg. This will end up their biggest win of the season, but they still have to play FSU., Miami and Clemson. A lot of tests await the Eagles over the next few weeks. Quality Wins: Wake Forest, @VT

5. Ohio St. - The Buckeyes picked up a nice pounding of the whiteout this weekend. Still the Big 10 is atrocious. Purdue is the 3rd best team in the Big 10? Or Wisconsin? Either way those teams just are not good. Quality Wins: Purdon't, @Penn St.

6. Arizona St. - One game done in the gauntlet 3 more to go. I just can't see them beating Cal, Oregon, USC and UCLA in consecutive weeks. If they do that they will be the #1 team in the country. Quality Wins: Cal, Oregon St.

7. Kansas - Mangino is eating his way towards the top 5. What if this team somehow runs the table and picks up wins against Mizzou and Oklahoma? How would they be less deserving than Ohio St.? Quality Wins: @Kansas St., @A&M

8. South Florida - Back to back tough road losses against Big East contenders is a very difficult pill to swallow. However, they still have the win at Auburn and win over West Virginia to hang there hats on. But apparently AP voters think that Auburn with three losses is still better tahn South Florida... Quality Wins: @Auburn, West Virginia

9. Georgia - So I guess I was pretty wrong on the Bulldogs getting smoked at the cocktail party. Apparently Florida forgot how to stop the run. Now Georgia sits atop the SEC East and is LSU's best hope for a top notch SEC Title game. Quality Wins: (n)Florida, @Bama

10. Missouri - TT decided that they didn;t want to show up in Colorado thus stifling that win for Mizzou. Mizzou still has Kansas waiting for them during the final week of the season and a potential rematch vs. Oklahoma. They are on the fringe of elmination, but crazier things have happened. Quality Wins: @Illinois, Texas Tech

11. Alabama - Another week where I struggle to pick #11. I'm going with 11 because there's way too many teams that I can't rank and atleast they picked up a nice win over UT this week and have beaten 5-3 Arkansas. Quality Wins: Arkansas, Tennessee

Dropped Out: Kentucky because the Degrees don't lie, VaTech had a nice opportunity to jump up the rankings but blew it at the end, Florida with the #3 loss on the season

Noticeable Absences: West Virginia has only beaten Rutgers I await their manslaughter of Uconn in the coming weeks. Uconn beat South Florida and are in the lead of the Big East, however they really have 3 losses.

Previous Weeks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

(n) = neutral field

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College Football Picture Caption

1. Talk to the hand cause the face ain't listenin.
2. Coach asked for more Sass during today's game.
3. I have five fingers, five beautiful little fingers that you will not be touching anytime soon sir.

1. I can't believe my boyfriend is wearing Jorts right now.
2. I should have stayed in the parking lot for a few more quarters and had a few more cocktails, that way instead of being depressed right now I would be throwing up in the stall and have no idea what went on.
3. Me laying Tebow is not as cool as I had imagined 3 hours ago.

1. Here at NC State we pride ourselves on having eyes.
2. We won a game I can't believe we actually won a game.
3. Coach kept on telling us that it sucked that he left BC and how BC was great and how this was the dumbest decision he ever made and that got me thinking maybe we should beat Virginia so we could leave BC as the only undefeated ACC team.

1. This would be so much funnier if it was lemon lime Gatorade.
2. Woo, I beat the Gators, I beat the Gators yippy this is awesome, I can't believe I beat the Gators.
3. I'm going to make my very own T-Bag Tebow shirt, it's going to be great.

1. What the hell does this little brown jug have to do with football?
2. I wonder if you can attach a funnel to the bottom of this thing.
3. Either way we're flowing straight Bud Diesel out of the jug this evening, we may even invite Lloyd... Sike.

What's worse? The fact that I could use a trip to the salad bar, the enormous amount of paint I have put on my face, the fact that I actually spent money on this stupid looking Wolfpack hat on my head, or the fact that I am acknowledging that I am a fan of North Carolina State.

1. I have no idea what I am but it's a pretty sick Halloween costume.
2. My goal for this trip to the game was to make as many little kids cry as possible, so far I'm at 12, let's hope I can add to that in the 2nd half.
3. Am I a Zombie Skeleton Devil with Salad on my head?

1. This losing thing is bad for my hair line.
2. We need to start paying people on a roster like we used to with Reggie.
3. I have to pick between Dirty Sanchez and a Shitty Booty for my quarterback each week, this sucks, where's my hollywood playboy.

1. This game would have been way more fun if our defensive line decided to be faster than Matt Ryan and tackle him. or...
2. If your Secondary decided to cover the receivers in the closing minutes instead of letting them float to open areas.
3. I can fly, Turkeys can fly... Except in the final 3 minutes.

Butch "This is how you properly cup the balls. Palm up fingers out."
Official "Um Butch how about you concentrate on coaching your team."
Butch "I know, I know I just wanted to teach you an important life lesson."
Official "Um... Sure Butch."

1. This is exactly why coach has us in Yoga class in the offseason.
2. I'm also trying out for small forward on the hoops team just in case you wanted a walk in Coach Gillespie.
3. If I was a pitcher in the majors this would have Oblique Strain written all over it.

1. Goodnight Heisman Dreams.
2. It was way more fun when we beat LSU and everyone thought we were really good than it is turning the ball over on every other possession and losing.
3. Atleast college basketball is only a few weeks around the corner, we kept the Kentucky fans occupied for longer than they thought they were going to be.

1. I call all of my timeouts with an upside down T.
2. Ya Degrees of Loss Separation knew we were going to win this game.
3. I on the other hand had no idea that we were going to beat a ranked team.

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Brunch With Iron Mike

You do not give Iron Mike an Omelet with only 2 eggs, the omelets must have 3 eggs with decadent cheese, sausage, peppers and bacon or he will bite your ear off.

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Scott Boras is an Ass

Sunday, October 28, 2007

The 8th inning of the potential last game of the World Series. This is when Scott Boras decides he would like to break the news to the World that his prized client is opting out of his contract. The 8th inning of a World Series game. What an attention whore. Not only do we get the simple announcement but we even were lucky enough to get a generic bullshit statement about how the flux of the Yankees organization is behind the opt out, instead of anything closely resembling the truth.

One would have hoped that FOX would have been above all of this garbage. Told Scott to go shove his news up his ass and focus on the fact that a game was being played, a game which should be the showcase of baseball, a game that deserves the entire attention of the broadcast team. Instead, we get this garbage, and instead of focusing on the game at hand we get a conversation between Sideline Ken, Buckers and McCarver.

What an all around disgrace. Shame on Scott Boras for once again proving how greed driven he is. Shame on Arod for not having the sense to show the game and its grandest stage some respect. And shame on FOX for airing and discussing an irrelevant topic while the Red Sox were on route to their 7th World Series crown.

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Weekly Waste of Oxygen

Friday, October 26, 2007

No serious crimes this week again, which is nice, but again proves that you don't need to go to jail for a long time to be a complete waste of life.

1. Stan Vaughn - Those 1st base, 2nd base etc. sex talks were life changing in 3rd grade. However in high school I think the lingo changed a bit, and I'm pretty sure that you understand what the hell everything is and where stuff can and can't go. But I guess principals in Kansas think Saving 2nd Base t-shirts are too inappropriate for the youth of their community. And who really cares about raising money for breast cancer anyway right?

2. Hank Steinbrenner - Apparently it didn't take very long for another Steinbrenner to start saying dumb things to the media. Yes, we all understand that you thought Joe should make the World Series next year and if he didn't he would have not gotten a contract. So why when talking about hiring a new manager do you ask your fan base for patience and say that they are not the 96 Yankees. You might want to shut up.

3. East Hartford High - What do you do when your getting shut out in a football game in the high schools of ct? Well you simply hide a razor blade somewhere on you and start slicing at your opponents hands. That'll teach them from beating the piss out of your slightly ghetto high school football team.

4. Alicia Vigil - Lawn Chairs are not a deadly weapon Alicia. If you really want to do damage to a soccer coach that is pissing you off, I would suggest using your mini van. Those thinks probably pack a mighty punch. Get up to about 35 40 miles an hour and clip 'em. That should do appropriate damage. Oh and get yourself GPS.

Get Your Vote On

Last Weeks Winner:
El Hadji-Diouf

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NFL Week 8 Pick Suggestions

I feel the mediocre results already.

5. Houston Texans (+10 1/2) vs. San Diego Chargers
Chances are the Chargers are very distracted this week with the massive fire which has engulfed much of the community. Additionally this game could end up being played in the state of Texas. Maybe it's not quite the most heartfelt pick ever made, but it's about winning imaginary money.

4. Detroit Lions (+5 1/2) at Chicago Bears
Remember a couple of weeks back when the Lions scored 34 friggin points on the Bears in the 4th quarter? Um 5 1/2 points? The Bears aren't a very good team, and apparently it's taking people way too long to realize this fact.

3. Jacksonville Jaguars (+4 1/2) at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Anytime the Bucs are giving the opponent more than a field goal I will contemplate taking the opposition. When they are giving 4 1/2 points to a 4-2 team from the AFC it's pretty much a no brainer. There is no way the Bucs go out and win by more than a FG.

2. New York Jets (-2 1/2) vs. Buffalo Bills
Call this the cruelty to myself for being a Jet fan pick. The Jets are in every game and have become the kings of the choke. But come on the Bills absolutely suck. They have no offense, they're defense is overrated, they're just not good. The Jets can't lose to them twice this season right? Right?

1. Indianapolis Colts (-7 1/2) at Carolina Panthers
The Panthers are either starting David Carr or Vinny Testaverde against the second best team in the NFL. I understand the home game thing, and the fact that Peyton has never beaten the Panthers before, but who the hell cares the Colts are going to pound the Panthers on sunday.

Survivor League Pick: Death to Norv Chargers

I still hate the Chargers, but I'm back to picking teams this week. So I'm going with the Titans over the Raiders, and honestly I have no idea if Vince Young is playing or not.

Non-Spread Picks

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Friday Video Blowout

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos, in order, courtesy ofEDSBS, Red Sox Monster, Off Wing Opinion, Who Ate All the Pies, Campus Clicks, EC, Fanhouse

Apparently the Auburn lineman do not want Dorsey to be the #1 pick in the draft.

Yep Kevin you were just rooting for a good game. Not rooting for the Sox at all.

This received the maximum NHL fine? And that maximum is 2,500? Both Weak.

Nothing says great MLS goals like some gay female pop song. Video Best Viewed On Mute.

R.I.P. Brutus...

Why is Royce Clayton on the bench again?

Clean up at the blue line.

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Why Miss Any of the Action?

Thursday, October 25, 2007

It's the Bottom of the 9th you've just downed the last of the 4 beers you bought at assorted stands in the park right before last call. You're bladder is ready to burst like the staples in Charlie Weis's stomach. But you don't want to move, you're team is down by one with runners at the corners and one out. If you hustle to the bathrroom you might miss the entire game. You won't be able to celebrate with your buddies and punch that rival fan a few rows down. What is there to do? Hold it and you could end up dripping urine out of your shorts run to the bathroom and you could miss the enjoyment of that rival fan lying on the ground crying.

Well fear not young drunkard, your problem is now solved thanks to the ingenious ideas of Austrians. Introducing the Roadbag, your portable and disposable urinal. Just duck down and pull the road bag out of your pocket and start your pissin. The Roadbag contains amazingly powerful crystals which turn your urine into an odorless gel which is easily disposable.

So next time you go to the stadium be sure to bring your Roadbag and just piss where ever you please.

Courtesy of The Offside

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Ryan Speier's Classroom Experience

"Mrs. Hurdle, Are you saying we have to throw it over the plate and at a certain height? I don't get it. That sounds really hard."

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The Big 5 College Football Games of the Weekend

I'm going SEC free Big 5 this week. I understand the cocktail party is this weekend, but I fully expect the Gators to maul the Bulldogs.

5. South Florida Bulls at Uconn Huskies
FraudConn picked up another illegitimate win last week after they were granted a td they didn't deserve. So now 7 games into the season they are 6-1 and lead the Big East Conference. If somehow they can manage to cheat their way to victory yet again, who knows maybe they could sneak into the BCS. The Pick: No Chance, the Bulls expose FraudConn for what they are, a mediocre team.

4. California Bears at Arizona St. Sun Devils
The Sun Devils start out the Big 5s countdown of undefeated teams who this weekend will face their first legit opponent. The Sun Devils have defeated mediocre Oregon St. and Colorado this season. Despite the fact that Cal is reeling they and lost to the Beavers themselves, they are a more talented squad. The Pick: Something tells me the Sun Devils fall at a later time.

3. Ohio State Buckeyes at Penn State Nittany Lions
On the Buckeye schedule this is really one of two games you would expect them to be challenged in. Big Saturday night matchup in the white out stadium against a solid but not spectacular Penn St. squad. This game is tough to call really, because as I've stated over and over again, there is no way yet this season to know just how good the Buckeyes are. The Pick: Joe Pa goes home angry and yelling at more traffic violators.

2. Southern California at Oregon Ducks
The Trojans were hyped up as the best team in the country at the start of the season and so far have done absolutely nothing to justify that early rank. Meanwhile the Ducks are being hyped as one of the best teams in the country right now despite only defeating an overrated Michigan squad. Time to see who's for real. The Pick: Duck Power

1. Boston College Eagles at Virginia Tech Hokies
Despite their early season beatdown in the Bayou, if the Hokies run the table in impressive fashion, have a few balls bounce their way, and win the ACC championship, it isn't that far fetched to think that they could still someway creep into the National Title game. Meanwhile the Eagles run the table, they'll almost surely be there. This matchup is huge. The Pick: VaTech takes it with the home field advantage.

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World Series Quick Picks

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

I already made my bed and picked the Red Sox over the Rockies, so unfortunately I'm going to stick to my guns. Here are some quick reasons why the Red Sox are going to win the season.

1. Simple, Josh Beckett. Why did the Red Sox beat the Indians? Josh Beckett. Sure they won game 6 and 7 without him but, without Beckett Manny would be who caring at the beach right now.

2. Manny Corpas has been great since taking over the closers role, but he most certainly does not have Papelbon's dance moves or intimidating stare down.

3. After Beckett, the Red Sox have an advantage at the remaining 3 starters in the rotation. Jimenez has great stuff but Schilling is an elite postseason pitcher despite his age. Fogg and Dice-K both are mediocre but Dice-K has better stuff. And Lester was lights out in the ALCS while Cook is coming off months of being on the DL.

4. The Sox have World Series experience oozing out of their key players, Beckett, Schilling, Ortiz, Manny, V-tek, etc. meanwhile the Rockies have absolutely none.

5. Manny and Papi are always great but the Red Sox tend to get ridiculous production from elsewhere in their lineup. Youk has been a Greek God in the postseason. Pedroia had a massive game 7. Hell even JD Drew had a huge game in the series.

6. The massive lay off. Why not, everyone else is already using it as a bona fide excuse for the Rockies cooling off, so I'll use it as well.

7. God got into a freak skeeball accident and is stuck on IR in a Jersey Hospital.

Personally I'm wearing Purple today, will obviously be rooting for the Rockies to pull off the upset, and will most likely be disappointed just like everything else that has happened in the 2007 sports landscape. I just pray that Purple Jesus is watching and uses his powers to push the Rockies to victory over Lucifer's favorite squad.

Purple Jesus Creation from With Leather, found at KSK

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Update on the Weak 11 Scheduling

Let's again preface this with the fact that I am an avid Michigan fan and in most years hype up the Big 10. However this year it's impossible they are terrible. I updated the table from last week and have a few additional points.

1-AA Losses: Thanks to good ole Minnesota this weekend the Big 10 has 2 losses to 1-AA teams. That is an accomplishment which may never be repeated by another BCS conference. Schedule 'cupcakes' and lose them. Phenomenal.

Deceiving 5-4 BCS Record: Missouri and Oregon look better and better each weak, but they won their games against the Big 10 so that doesn't say anything very positive about the Big 10. Meanwhile their wins came against the combine 4-11 Washington squads, 2 wins against the Cuse, and a win against Wanny's crew. All bad teams. Throw in some nice losses to Duke and Iowa St. and the BCS record is actually ugly.

MAC Cake Walk: What would the Big 10 be without the MAC this season? Every team in the Big 10 has scheduled atleast one game against a MAC school all have beaten a MAC school with the exception of Illinois who has Ball St. remaining on their schedule. Even Minnesota is 1-1 against the MAC despite being 0 for against everybody else.

2 of 11: Only 2 of the 11 teams in the Big 10 have an Out of Conference schedule with teams that have a combined winning percentage above .500. Those teams being the Fighting Zookers who actually who scheduled Mizzou and Minnesota who helps those teams by losing 3 of 4 out of their out conference games including against the undefeated NDS.

Hammering a Point Home: I said this last week but this is my key point, the Big 10 does not have one identifiably good out of conference victory. The overall record of the Big 10 against teams with an above .500 record is 5-6. Discounting their wins over 1-AA teams with good records, the Big 10 has one, count it, one win over a Division 1 school with an above .500 record. That win being Michigan St. 28-17 victory over 4-3 Bowling Green who jumped over .500 with their win against Kent St. on Saturday.

Conclusion: Even the most staunch supporter of the Big 10 should be forced to temper their jubilance about the 2007 Big 10. The Big 10 has offered no supporting argument this season towards their standing amongst the other 'power' conferences. So next time a fan from the SEC or PAC 10 comes up to you proclaiming that their conference is better than yours, you really are just going to have to sit there and take it.

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Degrees of Loss Separation: Miss St. > Kentucky

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Mississippi State Bulldogs vs. Kentucky Wildcats

There will be many more games on your college football radar this weekend, including the SEC Cocktail Party in Jax, than the matchup of SEC opponents in Lexington. However, this is a big matchup for Kentucky. If they win no one will think twice, voters will continue to see them as a legit team and continue to vote them high in their polls. However, if they lose the victory over LSU will be thought more and more like a fluke game.

3ยบ of Loss Separation : Miss St. beat Auburn beat Florida beat Kentucky

Coming off the loss to South Florida the Auburn Tigers returned home for their conference matchup versus the bottom feeding Bulldogs and were unceremoniously dropped. Two weeks later the Tigers went into Gainesville and knocked off the defending champs whom after another loss to LSU rebounded last week in Lexington for a big win over the Wildcats.

Final Outcome: Miss St. 28 Kentucky 23

So if you're sitting up in Lexington thinking to yourself, it's ok we're still ranked in the top 15 and everyone thinks we are still good... Think again, you're going to get dropped by the Croom Crew and pushed out of the top 15 for good.

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Simple Halloween Costume: Gator Fan

Pretty simple, all you need is a pair of Jorts and a custom I (Heart) T (Bow) shirt and wallah you are a Florida Gators fan. If you want to be an overachiever you can even get Florida Gator Jorts as shown.

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Is It That Hard to Say?

Tom Brady is better than Peyton Manning. See I don't have a problem saying it. Tom Brady, the man I wish only bad things towards, is a better quarterback than Peyton Manning and everyone else.. I don't think that was very difficult. 3 Superbowls to 1. A better postseason track record. And now that he has comparable weaponry on the offensive end he's putting up superior numbers. Everything really leans towards Tom Brady.

Yet, if you've listened to Mike and Mike in the morning or watched ESPN the past few weeks apparently people are afraid of having an opinion. Steve Young, nope didn't want to answer. Phil Simms on Mike and Mike this morning? Nope refused to answer. Mike Ditka, Bill Parcells, Ron Jaworski? Nope, Nope, Nope. Everyone refuses to have an opinion on the subject. Isn't that what they get paid for?

Even Mike Golic can't give a straight answer saying that Brady is better now but Manning is better overall. What the hell does that mean Mike? And for some reason he actually is under the impression that he is answering the question.

The only person with an apparent spine when asked the question? Mike Greenberg who easily answered Tom Brady. When Mike Greenberg and 'only one with a spine' are muttered in the same sentence it's a very very sad occurrence.

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Soccer Whiplash is Fun

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The kick coming from off the screen makes this video so much more effective. I can just imagine David Beckham off camera pondering to himself I would love to smash the ball into this kids face. And then rolling on the ground in laughter afterwards.

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NFL Week 7 Awards

Wow You Guys Suck: St. Louis Rams Offensive Line, When you're being compared to the offensive lines of the Houston Texans during the David Carr era, you know that you are an atrocious unit. I understand Orlando Pace being hurt is a killer, but you guys still have Tory Holt, Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson. You should be able to put up some points. Runners Up: The Jets Overall Defense & The Dolphins Secondary were pretty pathetic.

Cough Cough Cough: Jeff Garcia, For some dumb reason QB rating doesn't include fumbles, so Jeff Garcia looks like he had a diesel 316 yard 2 td performance with a superb QB rating. But the two fumbles he lost completely cost his team the game. Runners Up: Mr. Culpepper throwing an INT while driving for the go ahead FG, Steelers D couldn't hold up Cutler in the closing seconds.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Brad Childress, I don't know how anybody could make this any clearer to Brad Childress but week after week he doesn't listen. Give the ball to Adrian Peterson more than any other player on your roster. And stop starting Tarvaris Jackson while you're at it, he sucks. Runners Up: Ken Wisenhunt deciding that an end around WR option pass on a crucial 2-point conversion was the right call, Dolphins shouldn't even have shown up on sunday they should have just forfeited atleast then Ronny Brown wouldn't be out for the year.

The Shocker: Brian Griese,Who the hell saw a 97 yard game winning drive from the Chicago Bears coming? I know the Eagles aren't exactly a super team this season, but a 97 yard drive? With under 2 minutes to play no less. Wow. Runners Up: Buffalo dropping the Ravens who aren't as advertised, The Lions are 4-2 I repeat 4-2.

The Pimp: Tom Brady, If Tom Brady played and tried the entire game sunday afternoon is there any doubt that he would have ended up with 8 touchdowns? Really the fact that the Dolphins weren't allowed to plead for the mercy rule at half-time is laughable. So much for the questionable 17 point spread. Runners Up: Kenny Watson with a mediocre 130+ yards and three tds against the woeful Jets, Rob Bironas with 8 (yes 8) field goals

You Got JAKKED UP: My Psyche, I'm too reeling as a fan to pay attention everywhere. The New York Jets are the most frustrating team in the NFL to watch this season. Since week 1 they have been in every game in the closing minutes and have failed every single time. Internally I've been JAKKED UP.

My Fantasy Anti-MVP: New York Jets, As I've already mentioned I got boned by a super week. What in part sparked the super week? The New York Jets. Not only did they lose to give me agony, but Pennington threw 3 touchdowns including a meaningless hail mary td with 0 seconds and a 2 point conversion right afterwards. 2 of those 2 tds were to Coles, also on the opponents squad. And additionally the Jets gave up the huge week to Watson. Horrible.

New York Jets MVP: Nobody, I can't think of any positive thing to say about this team right now, and I can't pinpoint one player that stood out above the rest when it comes to horrendous play. They all suck.

My Picks

My Picks: 6-8
Preseason Picks: 10-4
Picks Vs. Spread: 10-4

Spread picks not so good, non spread picks pretty good.

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The Fantasy Boning

Everyone knows the fantasy football boning. It's when you have a superb week, one of the tops in the league and yet you lose because you faced one team that had a juggernaut week. Well my ass is sore because I've received the fantasy boning in back to back weeks. Both weeks I put up the 3rd most points in the league, meaning if I faced every other team, I would have won 7 matchups and lost two. Only problem is both weeks I faced a team that put up a ludicrous amount of points and now I sit at 2-5. Ookie's Puppies are not happy.

Seriously Kenny Watson put up 30+ points against me... the luck isn't quite the same as it was in baseball.

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Welcome to the Hall of the Over-Hyped: Drew Henson

The immortal Drew Henson is the first entrant into the Hall of the Over-Hyped. Henson is an appropriate inaugural entrant as his over-hyping came in multiple sports at multiple levels.

Michigan Credentials

The Over-Hyping began at the University of Michigan. A High School legend in the state of Michigan, Drew Henson was wanted by many fans to start over the Californian upperclassman starting quarterback. That quarterback, just so happened to be Tom Brady, on track to becoming the greatest QB in NFL history. Additionally Brady during his senior year lead the Wolverines to a 10-2 record including victories over the Buckeyes and a Bowl win, while throwing 20 tds to 6 ints. Henson in his final year at QB finished with 18 tds to 4 ints with wins over the Buckeyes and a Bowl win as well. However, the Wolverines finished the season at 9-3 and lost to Northwestern that season. Both players entered their respective NFL drafts with similar stats with the difference being Henson had declared he was solely going to pursue a career in the MLB. Despite this fact both were drafted in the 6th round.

MLB Credentials

In High School, Drew Henson was awarded the High School Player of the Year award by the USA today which resulted in a 3rd round pick in the MLB draft. Henson was eventually given a 6 year 18 million dollar contract by the New York Yankees to persuade him into choosing baseball as a profession. In 6 years in the minors Henson finished with a career 556 Ks to 460 Hits including leading the minors with 151 in 2002. After the 2003 season Henson gave up baseball and returned to pursuing his football career. He finished with one career major league base hit.

NFL Credentials

After giving up baseball and announcing his intentions to pursue quarterbacking in the NFL, Henson was traded by the Texans to the Cowboys for a 3rd round pick. Throughout his first NFL season multiple Cowboy fans questioned Bill Parcells for starting ancient Vinny Testaverde over Henson. Henson was eventually given the start on Thanksgiving day only to complete 4 of 12 passes and be replaced in by Vinny. In 2005 he was surpassed by Tony Romo on the depth chart for backup quarterback. At the start of the 2006 season he was cut by the Cowboys and since has been signed and cut by the Vikings twice and is currently not on a roster. His career numbers read 10 for 18 for 78 yards with 1 td and 1 int.

Current Status

Henson is currently not on an NFL Roster and the lone mentions of him in Google News are aligned with the likes of Tom Brady and how some how some way the hype machine led Michigan fans, myself included, to believe he was better than the greatest qb in the history of the nfl.

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Tennis in Europe is Better and More Distracting

When watching tennis tournaments on tv, sometime I honestly do find enjoyment in the little kids running up and down the court like robots picking up the balls and tossing them to the players. The occasions where they get struck with the ball also leads to some enjoyment. But they're really nothing special to look at, just thoughtless chlidren really.

Well at the Madrid Masters, for atleast one match, they have improved the situation as you can certainly see. Instead of children run around like tennis slaves, they now have models running around the court and picking up the light green balls. Therefore if you ever get bored of watching sweaty men run around the court in tight shorts or capri pants and feel a little less hetero, you can simply glance to towards the net, see some nice jugs and feel a lot more like a man. Well done Spain, well done.

Apparently the additional breasts were a bit distracting to Roger Federer as he actually lost in the tournament finals against David Nalbandian of all people.

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Another Long Overdue Clue Game Rebus

Here's a long awaited rebus. Remember the rules are... Winner is the first to identify the associated person, place or thing in the comments section. The Ultimate winner is the person who manages to put together what all the clues and answer is. I will post the answers sometime later if this isn't accomplished.

So start your guessin...

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