Every one is saying that this is the best American squad we have ever sent to the World Cup, while this may be true we as a Country could certainly lineup a better team for Germany if we wanted to. Here is my Ideal United States World Cup team for 2006.
Coach
Mr. T - Mr. T is renowned in the world for his powers of motivation, no manager in the world can verse rap lyrics which inspire a team to go out and dominate. Mr. T wears all his past championship trophies on his neck exuded confidence which boils over to the team. In addition he could kick the ass of any of the possible opposing managers at will.
Goalkeeper
Spiderman - Scowering the United States it becomes blatantly obvious that the US needs a goalkeeper of incredible agility and great senses. Who fits that mold better than our friendly neighboorhood Spiderman. With the agility superior to any one on the planet and his SpiderSense ability to feel out incoming attackers Spiderman could be expected to lead shutout effort after shutout. In addition on Penalty Kicks Spiderman could give the opponents a little web in their eye, blinding them for their oncoming shot.
Defense
Terry Tate - You need intimidating presence on the defensive end. And no man reeks of intimidation more than than the Office Linebacker himself Terry Tate. Try coming down the middle of the field on Terry Tate, the Americans dare you. That ain't your cake Philip that's Simone's cake. The Pain Train is coming wooh wooh.
Ben Wallace - More intimidation is needed. Big Ben brings the pain swings the elbows and also fills out the americans necessary quota of one for afros on the field of a sporting event. Ben is also a free kick specialist standing at 6 foot 9 and with the fro in upwards of 7 foot 4, Big Ben is the champion header of the world.
Squad Captain - Jack Bauer - There is no greater defense in the history of mankind then Jack Bauer. He stops nuclear attacks, he stops chemical warfare, he kills terrorists with ease. Do you expect anything less then breaking the ankles of his opponents and staring down the refs and never getting a single card.
Midfield
Steve Urkel - The Americans have developed a strategy where they have the most annoying American of all time annoy the best player on the opposition until out of a frustation filled rage the players starts throwing punches at Urkel drawing a red card, brilliant strategy by Mr. T. At halftime Urkel drinks his boss sauce with a few of Pele's hairs added to the mix and becomes a soccer enhanced Stefan Urquelle.
John Stockton - Every midfield needs a great passer. No american has ever been better then good ole short shorts in dishing out perfect dimes. Stockton hits all strikers with perfect pinpoint passes which become easily deposited in the net.
Waldo - The deceiver of the midfield, Waldo blends into the crowd with ease allowing him to go undetected throughout the flow of the game. Waldo, rarely makes a move on the ball but when he does its pretty much a surefire goal for the Americans.
Chuck Norris - Chuck takes all of the penalty kicks, free kicks and corner kicks. No man in the world can kick harder than Chuck Norris and he knows this. Opponents do not bother to set up a wall on free kicks for they fear for their life because Chuck is a deadly weapon.
Strikers
Flash - The US needs a speedster on offense and the Flash is there man, way before Kobe was wearing tight tights, the Flash was the trendsetter. The Flash's speed eliminates all hope of the oppositions defense to draw an offside as he never needs to be offside to get to a deep pass.
Wolverine - Aggressive almost to a fault Wolverine is always on the attack. The defense shutters when Wolverine threatens them with his claws leaving Wolverine open to shoot at the Goaltender. Wolverine is also the teams best bycicle kick specialist wielding the flip kick and causing the opponents doom.
Jason Bourne - The last man on this fine starting roster, Jason Bourne is second only to Jack Bauer on cunning and importance on this US squad. Bourne is always 3 steps in front of the opposing defenders and coming up with plans that no normal man could ever dream of.
Coach
Mr. T - Mr. T is renowned in the world for his powers of motivation, no manager in the world can verse rap lyrics which inspire a team to go out and dominate. Mr. T wears all his past championship trophies on his neck exuded confidence which boils over to the team. In addition he could kick the ass of any of the possible opposing managers at will.Goalkeeper
Spiderman - Scowering the United States it becomes blatantly obvious that the US needs a goalkeeper of incredible agility and great senses. Who fits that mold better than our friendly neighboorhood Spiderman. With the agility superior to any one on the planet and his SpiderSense ability to feel out incoming attackers Spiderman could be expected to lead shutout effort after shutout. In addition on Penalty Kicks Spiderman could give the opponents a little web in their eye, blinding them for their oncoming shot.Defense
Terry Tate - You need intimidating presence on the defensive end. And no man reeks of intimidation more than than the Office Linebacker himself Terry Tate. Try coming down the middle of the field on Terry Tate, the Americans dare you. That ain't your cake Philip that's Simone's cake. The Pain Train is coming wooh wooh.Ben Wallace - More intimidation is needed. Big Ben brings the pain swings the elbows and also fills out the americans necessary quota of one for afros on the field of a sporting event. Ben is also a free kick specialist standing at 6 foot 9 and with the fro in upwards of 7 foot 4, Big Ben is the champion header of the world.
Squad Captain - Jack Bauer - There is no greater defense in the history of mankind then Jack Bauer. He stops nuclear attacks, he stops chemical warfare, he kills terrorists with ease. Do you expect anything less then breaking the ankles of his opponents and staring down the refs and never getting a single card.Midfield
Steve Urkel - The Americans have developed a strategy where they have the most annoying American of all time annoy the best player on the opposition until out of a frustation filled rage the players starts throwing punches at Urkel drawing a red card, brilliant strategy by Mr. T. At halftime Urkel drinks his boss sauce with a few of Pele's hairs added to the mix and becomes a soccer enhanced Stefan Urquelle.John Stockton - Every midfield needs a great passer. No american has ever been better then good ole short shorts in dishing out perfect dimes. Stockton hits all strikers with perfect pinpoint passes which become easily deposited in the net.
Waldo - The deceiver of the midfield, Waldo blends into the crowd with ease allowing him to go undetected throughout the flow of the game. Waldo, rarely makes a move on the ball but when he does its pretty much a surefire goal for the Americans.
Chuck Norris - Chuck takes all of the penalty kicks, free kicks and corner kicks. No man in the world can kick harder than Chuck Norris and he knows this. Opponents do not bother to set up a wall on free kicks for they fear for their life because Chuck is a deadly weapon.Strikers
Flash - The US needs a speedster on offense and the Flash is there man, way before Kobe was wearing tight tights, the Flash was the trendsetter. The Flash's speed eliminates all hope of the oppositions defense to draw an offside as he never needs to be offside to get to a deep pass.Wolverine - Aggressive almost to a fault Wolverine is always on the attack. The defense shutters when Wolverine threatens them with his claws leaving Wolverine open to shoot at the Goaltender. Wolverine is also the teams best bycicle kick specialist wielding the flip kick and causing the opponents doom.
Jason Bourne - The last man on this fine starting roster, Jason Bourne is second only to Jack Bauer on cunning and importance on this US squad. Bourne is always 3 steps in front of the opposing defenders and coming up with plans that no normal man could ever dream of.
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