SimonOnSports

Hey Kobe we know you're going to get in the lane every once in awhile and we know you're going to get your points. But when you get to the lane be prepared for Perk. Cause he's not gonna defend the ball he's gonna smack you upside the head and pick up a foul. Soft serve Pau, you ready to get smacked up side the head all game when you have the ball in your hands? You ready for bruising hip checks? You ready for Perk to cradle your skull only to delivering a thundering head butt? Lamar you want to bring your weak game into the lane? Well prepare for body blows and checks from Perk. Perk will swat those pansy layups and in his follow through smash the back of your head with his elbow. Cause Perk swings with purpose. That's right boys and girls with Perk back that means 6 more hard fouls. Go Perk... More Football Player than Basketball Player.

It's time for the Yankees to replace their Wang and to do so will require an exhaustive search. First up, the losers that the Yankees used to have that sucked are free and could come back. A) Dreamweaver - He's a free Agent. Why? Because he had a 6+ ERA in the minors. In his last year with the Yanks he had a 5.99 ERA. Last season after intelligently declining a multi year contract he had an ERA over 6. He'd be almost perfect to bring back. B) Sir Sydney - Sir Sydney threw in 5 games with the Yanks in 2006 to the tune of a 10+ ERA. Why is he available now despite a 3-1 record this season? Well everybody hates him especially his teammates and fans and general managers, so the Rangers cut him for being a clubhouse cancer. Obviously a Grade A candidate for the staff. C) The Wright Stuff - He got cut by the Pirates so you know he's good. Hell he really wasn't that miserable with the Yanks. He was at least better than Pavano, so what say the Yanks sign him and ...

What better way to honor the showdown of the Euro 2008 host country Austria and the oddsmakers favorite Germany than to have woman in each country showdown in a pre-match contest. And what better way to enjoy the contest than to put them on the sand and have them only wear body paint. Sounds like a perfect idea to me. I think the Austrians won this game if anyone cares. But they definitely lost the Men's game so the motivation apparently was unsuccessful. Come on you have to like soccer a little bit now. Right? Courtesy of the Manawatu Standard (whatever that is)

Those damn Ninjas got Willie and Rick on there way back to the hotel room. Those tricky Ninjas are incredibly tough to deal with in alley ways after midnight.

The singular reason the Lakers won the game last night was the fact that they pushed their white player performance to the 5.5 level by inserting the dominant Chris Mihm into the lineup. In 2 minutes and 46 seconds of what can only be described as divine, Mihm was an unstoppable force reminiscent of the greatest of greats. His final stat line read 0 points, 2 fouls, 1 air balled hook shot, and 1 inbounds pass to the other team. Now imagine what the Lakers could do if they pushed the limits even further an inserted Coby Karl in the lineup to push their chalk count to 6.5. They would surely stomp the Celtics in Boston. The Celtics only hope would be the Scalabrine Leprechaun counter attack which is an inherently risky maneuver given his inability to play basketball at all.

Yesterday I was pretty annoyed about the US Open rules where an 18 hole playoff is conducted the next day. Today? Well I changed my mind. Why? Cause of the Power of the Interwebs. This video stuff is sweet. Now I have a little distraction from the ordinary day of work. I still think the 3 or 4 hole playoff creates more sustainable drama when conducted right after the given tournament. And I do think its stupid that this started at noon when everybody on the planet is at work, but whatever I got something to do so no reason to complain.

Thanks Goes to Grutt, who always has the male anatomy on his mind, for the find.