SimonOnSports

Dear Fellow General Managers, I know this will be hard for you to believe, and it will be difficult for me to say given all that he's done for the organization, but the New York Yankees and I, Brian Cashman, are willing to discuss a possible trade for veteran Left Handed Pitcher Kei Igawa. I know you are floored right now, but he's out there if the price is right. Igawa this season has been terrific. He's 8-4 with a 4.03 ERA*. He'd be the perfect left hander to round out the backend of your rotation. In fact, screw backend, he could be your ace**. So don't waste anytime, please send your trade offers to the following address: 1 Babe Ruth Avenue The Bronx, New York, New York Don't wait too long, the deadline is friday, and you really really really want the Milk Soda Beaver . Thanks, BCASH *With Scranton Wilkes-Barre **That's a lie

If you've watched baseball for a decent amount of your life you've probably heard the phrase "Quadruple A ball player" before. Essentially this means that the player has enough talent to dominate in Triple A but fail miserably in the Majors. There are countless players that fall under this category, both hitters and pitchers a like, but no one might fit that mold more so than the New York Yankees Japanese import Kei Igawa. We all remember Kei Igawa as the " Milk Beaver " Yankees' response to the Red Sox signing of Dice-K. While Dice-K has been a success, Igawa was a miserable failure, posting a 6+ ERA over 12 starts in 2007 before being demoted to the minors. Than last season in his cup of coffee with the big league club Igawa posted an even worse 13.50 ERA and essentially banished himself from the Bronx for eternity. With how Igawa's pitched in the spotlight you'd figure he would just go down to the minors and be just another mediocre pitcher. ...

No earned runs in 9 innings? That's like a psuedo shut out. Kei Igawa is going to dominate this year.

The World Baseball Classic begins on Thursday with the Japanese squaring off at 4:30 in the morning when they face off against China. Taking the mound for team Japan will be their ace in the hole, none other than Kei Igawa. Instead of throwing Dice-K or Yu Darvish to open up the series the Japanese are going with the Yankees Quadruple A starter Igawa. Probably figuring that the Chinese are the least of their worries, the Japanese are throwing Igawa in game one and saving Darvish and Dice-K for the more powerful Korean and Taiwanese squads. Or perhaps Kei has just dominated their camp and they actually think he could be ace type material in leading Japan back to the WBC trophy. I'm completely kidding about all of that, I had you for a second didn't I? Japan didn't even want Igawa on their team saying “They think … he is not so good.” So he's rotting somewhere in Florida.

Bullpen catcher Mike Borzello, giving his assessment of the first throwing session for Kei Igawa, the Japanese import the Yankees brought in for $46 million to compete with the Sox' signing of Dice-K Matsuzaka: "I hope he's either seriously hurt or badly hung over, so there's an explanation for throwing like that." [The Yankee Years by Joe Torre] You have to be pretty bad for the Bullpen catcher to know you're terrible when he first catches you.

If you listened to any media outlet talking about Joba's first night in the rotation than chances are you heard criticism of how the Yankees handled it. You probably heard that its a big distraction or that the Yankees lost on Tuesday because of Joba or that a starter doesn't go 3 innings basically you heard the media throw out a lot of crap. Before I get into dismantling the arguments of the media I would just like to point back to my post the day after the Yankees announced they were going to move Joba into the starting rotation. This is what I said then: Basically the only way I can see the Yankees stretching him out is either A) Send him to the minors (this is a miserable idea) or B) Just start him and have him pitch the alloted innings than after his allotted innings just bring in the corresponding long reliever. Will it put your team in some odd spots? Sure. If Kennedy or Igawa or whatever long reliever was any good they would be in the rotation. But at the very leas...

Kei Igawa is a delicious blend of horrible pitcher and awkward looking human being. He is the epitome of the Yankees free agent pitching signing struggles of the past. And thus should be made fun of. Pre-Game Routine Kei: Horo Corch, I pitch today. I make good on money make batter no hit ball make you keep me. Girardi: Ok Kei. All we want you to do is pitch 5 innings and not give up 5 runs. Do you think you can do that Kei? Kei: Sure, I pitch good in Scronton, make win 3 games no make ERA over 4. Me pitch good today. Girardi: Alright, Kei just throw strikes. Kei: OK Corch. Joe Girardi walks over to talk to the pitching coach, Mike Harkey. Girardi: How's he look Harks? Harkey: Honestly? He looks like a little leaguer Girardi: That's what I figured. In Game Kei: Hooray Corch, I run to mound now and pitch super great awesome. How I look in my sunglass? Am I intermidiating? Girard: Huh? Kei: Intirmidating... Girardi: Umm, yah very intimidating. Kei: Yar you know I scary...

Is Kei Igawa the Product of Milk Soda (Fanta Lactic) and a Beaver? Me thinks so.

Here's a word for word transcript of the video, translated to English by me... Oh Here He is With the Big Block Of Wood Award given to man who builds dam fastest with their buck teeth. Oh Kei Now play wood piece game of nothing, look at him concentrate so long only to make a losing decision. Oh Kei receives paper from Shogi Association for best middle hair part in all of Japan oh he is so sessy. Kei: "I would like to thank all the Big Block of Wood association for giving me the beaver award. I always wanted to look like a Beaver and God made my dreams come true." Questioner: "How will you succeed where Matsui has failed in suckitude?" Kei: "I will now go to New York and be a true Japanese soldier and continue to Kamikaze myself into the Yankees battleship. See this sheet of paper this is a list of all the Americans I want to give up home runs to."

So the 50+ million dollars that the Yankees shelled out to Kei Igawa thus far has equaled one good start relief appearance against the Red Sox and a lot of whiplash for Igawa himself after each time he needs to snap his neck around to watch the balls fly over the wall. Well yesterday after another Shiiiitttteeeee performance Igawa mauled his locker with a baseball bat. And will be forced use some of his undeserving 20 million dollars to pay for it. I for one am a little pleased by the beating of the locker as atleast it is apparent now that the guy has some set of emotions and isn't just a human beaver. Here's hoping that he does not take the next step and commit sepuku or... Kei Igawaはピンクの服の女の子である... Take that Kei...

In an effort to get Kei Igawa not to suck I think the Yankees sent him down to the minors to learn this pitch, and now that he has been recalled and will pitch in place of the Yankee Clippard you should expect this to be thrown atleast once or twice an inning. Ok probably not, but hey he should, it'd be better than the slop he usually throws up to the plate. Oh and to take away the thunder, I've used this pitch in wiffle ball countless times. Courtesy of Red Sox Monster