SimonOnSports

One can make the case that Bernard Pollard as an individual* has had the single largest impact on the Patriots not winning another Super Bowl. Let us take a look at how one man can take down a franchise. 2008: Ascension to HERO Status 2009: Ascension to SUPERHERO Status 2011: Ascension to SAINTHOOD The HALO Is Present *It's him or Eli, take your pick

You know who doesn't need to see to hit a baseball off Roy Oswalt's head ? Manny Ramirez, that's who.

Taco Bell is currently in the news for being sued over their fake beef. They have fought back with a full page newspaper ad saying their beef is 88% percent BEEF and 12% secret . Since I don't think a pansy one page newspaper ad with the guts and heart of Jay Cutler will be enough, I present to you the Taco Bell 2011 Super Bowl Commercial. It Starts with a Trip in a Limo to a Mystery Location (Yes it's the Stupid Dominoes Ad) To Some Random Feed Lot in Mexico... "Do You Think Taco Bell Wants You to Know What Their Beef is Made of? Do you Think you DESERVE to know what kind of Cow they Use? Well I have a surprise for you..." "Boom, Kenny Mother Fucking Powers loves tacos" "Ahhhhh the mullet, the Jheri curl juice, in the sauce?" "Shut up bitch and give me a blow job... Oh my lines. You know what's more powerful than a Kenny Powers Fastball?" "Fucking nothing that's right, but this comes close..." ...

He should definitely send pictures of his purple helmet to Roger Goodell as a thank you for not suspending him.

Preparing to Fail, Tom Brady Fail GNAR MY TEETH, Tom Brady Fail Don't Touch Me Big Man, Tom Brady Fail :( Boo Hoo Sad Face, Tom Brady Fail On Bended Knee, Tom Brady Fail Sulking Tom, Tom Brady Fail OH COME ON, Tom Brady Fail KAPOW, Tom Brady Fail How's My D*** Taste, Tom Brady Fail The Scoreboard is Wrong, Tom Brady Fail Staring into the Abyss, Tom Brady Fail Good Game Tom, Tom Brady Fail Leave Me Alone Nacho, Tom Brady Fail It's Ok Big Guy, Tom Brady Fail

Time for some fun with google search and Venn Diagrams. Let us see what three extremely successful quarterbacks have in common when you type in "Quarterback A is" with a google search. Seems like people either think Tom Brady is a Super Sexy God or a Douche as seen by both Douche and Douchebag being present. People are enamored by Brett Favre being old and retiring. I was hoping that one of them would be "is a creepy old man that sends penis photos to girls young enough to be his child" but it didn't quite make the cut. Apparently people are really interested in whether or not Peyton Manning is married which is odd to me because I don't see how anyone could find this attractive . So what do all three QBs have in common according to Googles most popular searches.... They are all both a Douche and a Jerk.

After much debate the Ole Miss Rebels have finally decided on a new mascot. After Admiral Ackbar was unceremoniously dropped from the running, the Ole Miss Selection committee settled on three finalists : Rebel Land Shark, Black Bear and Hotty Toddy. Thankfully, due to write in ballots, all three lost to.... Cigar Guy.

Saw this little figurine in a souvenir shop in Nassau. This is likely what Eli Manning's Starting Line Up figurine looks like on Halloween.

Charlie Manuel - Umm, well hello, umm Carlos. Carlos Gonzalez aka CarGo - Uhhh, who is this? Charlie Manuel - Well you know its, [5 seconds of dead air], Chaaahhhllie Manuel. My team, you know, umm, lost in the World Series and umm, I guess that makes me umm the manager of umm the All Star Game. CarGo - Oh, Mr. Manuel, so is this good news about the All Star game? Charlie Manuel - Well, you know I had some hardish type decisions to make. Umm, they want me to pick umm the All Star team and umm well I don't remember people's names and things. So umm, I kind of picked guys umm, that were you know kind of All Stars before cause well they were all stars before so well they can be all stars again, right? I think that umm makes sense. CarGo - Soooo, that means I didn't make the team? Charlie Manuel - Well ya umm, I didn't really know your name, umm, there are so many people named Gonzalez and umm I just went with Adrian. And well umm, I have to pick a playe...

Over the past few days the college sports landscape has drastically changed. The Pac 10 now has 11 teams and almost certainly 12 by the end of the month. The Big Ten has 12 teams and the Big 12 has ten teams. None of the names make any sense anymore so it's time they were renamed and I figure, I'm a bright guy, I can come up with the perfect new names for each of these conferences. Pac 10 -> CoCWoRM The Pac 10 is kind of going to ways of the ACC and grabbing at landlocked schools who are no longer on the Coast line, so it needs something a little bit more accurate. Thus, CoCWoRM is the perfect choice. CoCWoRM can stand for Conference of Colleges West of the Rocky Mountains (or River Mississippi). It also seems like a very suitable name for the shady dealings that have gone on recently both in the Conference landscape, the fact they were trying to eat up the entire Big 12, as well as in the USC scandals. Big 12 -> Texas & Friends The Big 12 has ten teams ...

Early this week Steve Phillips opened his mouth and forced me to create a post surrounding his ludicrous statements . As a result of writing this post I looked through my archives to find the picture to the right, in the process of finding the picture I stumbled across this post surrounding Steve Phillips Red Sox offseason thoughts in 2007 which included a trade as baffling as the Oswalt for Strasburg trade. So just for fun, let's debate which thought by Steve Phillips was worse. Trade 1, 2007 Offseason: Jacoby Ellsbury, Jon Lester & Clay Buchholz for Johan Santana During the 2007 offseason the Red Sox were kings of the world having swept the Colorado Rockies 4-0 in the World Series, but Johan Santana was the best pitcher in baseball and the Twins quite obviously were looking to deal him. The Red Sox were amongst the whispered favorites so Steve Phillips master ESPN commentator was asked what he would do if he was Theo Epstein. This is when Steve Phillips lost his mind ...

Oh look, delicious Pork Chop on a stick. Let me have that Kim Jones. Yummmmmy. H/T Couchwarmers

I expect big things from Mr. Bruce this season and as a result I drafted him in several leagues, including my keeper league. Well Mr. Bruce got off to a slow start (a painfully slow start, Mark Teixeira bad) and well after getting off the schnide last night he wanted to make sure he let the world know he could count to two. Courtesy of Deadspin

So that didn't quite work as planned. For some reason I feel like even if she did manage to jump off her teammates back that she still would have been 2 feet short on the dunk attempt so perhaps this was the best result for all. She learned a valuable lesson about her athleticism and coordination and we all got a good laugh. Courtesy of EmailsFromTheCube

If my other brackets have anything to say about it than this bracket will be a miserable failure, but... Nohjay Nimpson is going to win. I'm sorry to God's Power Offor, my odds on favorite , but Nohjay Nimpson is the perfect name. And it's going to take down Starzanne Stripes whom somehow I missed when creating the odds yesterday. What a classic name.

This post is brought to you by SPORTSBETTING.com. Get best online sports betting bonuses at this sportsbook . It's March Madness which means every radio program, blog, mother, cousin, board 2nd grader, etc. is coming up with some bracket of 64 things with the objective of deciphering what is best. The best of all of these brackets on a consistent basis is Name of the Year or NOTY . Of course due to the the fact that this actually isn't a sporting activity and resides on a blogger website there aren't any Vegas lines for whom the favorites are. Well I'm saying there should be and well, I'm going to label the Top 10 Favorites for 2010 NOTY. 10. Pencilman Jeffries - Underrated quality name that just might take the Crotchtangle Region. 9. Spartacus Bernstein - This name screams POWER and JEW. Or WARRIOR and JEW. Or 300 and JEW. Something and JEW. It's got potential. 8. Gregor Schwinghammer Jr. - Gregor was birthed by Schwinghammer Sr., aka Austin ...

This hit from the Blackhawks Ducks game was vicious enough to land James Wisniewski an 8 game suspension but the announcer isn't as fooled as everyone else. He knows that Brent Seabrook was just selling like he was unconcsious. Enjoy at the 1 minute mark.

Oh Coach K how well you have acquainted yourself with Jackass. There was Danny Ferry and Bobby Hurley and Christian Laettner. You can't forget Wojo or Jason Williams or Greg Paulus. Duke is essentially synonymous with Jackass. Been a busy few days at the ole actual job so unfortunately I haven't gotten to much posting.

Dear Brett Favre, Brett I was pretty down after the Jet game and I really could have used some cheering up and you somehow provided that to me. See I watched the entire Saints game hoping the Saints would win so that you wouldn't get into the Super Bowl because frankly you don't deserve it after the bullshit you pulled the past two offseasons. For most of the game it looked as if the Saints might win despite getting incredibly outplayed because your teammates were handing the ball over time after time. But then the Saints offense started puttering, your team scored the tying td and you had the ball with 1 minute left at the Saints 35. Everything looked purple but then this happened: What a perfect time for an Arm Punt Brett! You put a huge smile back on my face and you helped end your teams season. Great job Mr. Gunslinger. Thanks for the Memories, Simon

The Australian Open has begun thus giving me the opportunity to do one of my absolute favorite things, peruse the Women's Tennis Photo Wire. These faces can not be made up, though I'm not sure any can top Jelena Dokic from last year . Zvonerava has the Bug Eye look absolutely perfected.