SimonOnSports

~Robinson Cano cost me exactly 33 dollars last night and he is on my fantasy team. I kept Cabrera on my roster hoping he'd get me some much neeed strikeouts and low and behold he's in the 9th with a no-hitter with one out and facing another player on my fantasy team in Robby. Now a no hitter gets me 3 bucks from each player in the league, and would thus pay for the non-stop activate dl activate dl kerry wood spree i went on earlier this year. But no Robby's got to line one into right. ~Peetey is done for the year and the Mets are screwed. I'm sorry but you aren't winning the world series with a rotation of ancient pitchers and John Maine who couldnt even crack to Oreos rotation last year. You might be able to get there, I'm doubting that now even, but you're gonna get pounded if you do. ~I think the TO day was the single most depressing day I've ever listened to the radio at work. 8 hours of people calling up telling the radio host why they though

Honestly I think this is a much harder week than the past two, I think there are less obvious games and it was tough for me to pick 5 that I am confident in. And really I don't think any game is a 100% lock. 5. Jacksonville Jaguars (-2 1/2) at Washington Redskins Yes, I am down on the Redskins, Brunnel is not any good and the Jaguars defense will swarm all over the field and shut down the Redskins mediocre and overrated offense. Expect the jaguars to win by one or two field goals. 4. Miami Dolphins (-4 1/2) at Houston Texans Miami is going to cover the spread eventually this season right? Right? The Texans have the worst defense in the league and if Culpepper doesn't put up big TD numbers this week he never will and the Dolphins should start Joey the Wonder Boy Harrington. The Dolphins should dominate this game else, they aren't going anywhere this season. 3. Minnesota Vikings (+1 1/2) at Buffalo Bills I know I've been down on the Vikings all season and I do not re

All this talk of Ryan Howard this and Albert Pujols that is making me want to vomit. Everyday I listen to the radio and all I hear is Pujols or Howard, hell a month ago I heard pick a Met any Met too. Yet never is there a mention of me. What do I have to do? Is it because I'm white it's because I'm white isn't it. Or maybe cause I went to Rice and I'm a born and bred Texan through and through. No it's because I'm white, and that's my final answer. But I digress, let me show you why those chumps aren't the MVP and I, Master of Texas am. First Ryan Howard, sure he hits a bunch of homeruns and homeruns are cool and all but look who else is in that lineup. Jimmy Rollins has 25 homeruns at shortstop, you know how many times Adam Everett has hit the ball out of the infield, 24 times. ya 24 that guy couldn't bench the bar, what a pussy yet I have to watch him struggle to lift that 30 ounce piece of driftwood and attempt to swing it everyday. I&

5. Auburn Tigers at South Carolina Game Cocks A Little Thursday Night SEC special as the #2 ranked Tigers head into Cockland in search of increasing their resume. Fortunately for the Auburn Tigers this is one of not their most difficult road games and while Steve Spurrier is a great coach they are not ready to beat the #2 ranked team in the nation. If Irons is back and healthy the Tigers roll. The Pick: Auburn by double digits 4. Purdon't Boilermakers at Notre Dame Fighting Irish Amazing how some of the games on the Notre Dame schedule that looked like cupcakes at the beginning of the season are big questionmarks right now. Purdon't comes in undefeated with a nice win over Minny last week. I say Notre Dame outscores them down the stretch to win by a td or two, but one of these games ND is going to get bit in the ass. The Pick: Notre Dame by 7 3. Alabama Crimson Tide at Florida Gators The Crimson Tide got the shaft last week against Arkansas so this week they get to head t

It's been obvious over the course of Terrell Owen's career that he has not been completely stable both emotionally or mentally. He gets into cat fights with his qbs, accuses one of being a homosexual another of being a backstabber. He makes millions of comments where it becomes incredibly obvious that he has no edit function behind his speech. I think his quest for money with the Eagles was less financially based and more a him seeking to be recognized as a great player by the organization, and his instability led him to see the lack of backing from McNabb as a betrayel. The man's craved media attention all these years to make him feel worthwhile, and apparently it wasn't enough. With all that being said, if these reports are true this is one of the most shocking occurences in recent memory. Maybe the stress/media pounding finally got to him. Maybe like many depressed people he eventually got to the breaking point where everything builds up and finally you just se

Tampa vs. Red Sox Philly vs. Nats Winner - Sox Winner - Philly RBI Machine - Papi RBI Machine - Howard WP - ***Schilling*** WP - Wife Beater ChiSox vs. Indians Astros vs. Pitt Winner - Indians Winner - ***Astros*** RBI Machine - Peralta RBI Machine - Berkman WP - Fatassia WP - Pettite Jays vs. Tigers Reds vs. Marlins Winner - Tigers Winner - Marlins RBI Machine - Monroe RBI Machine - Cabrera WP - Bonderman WP - D-Choo-Choo Oreos vs. Yanks Mets vs. Bravos Winner - Yanks Winner - Bravos RBI Machine - Cano RBI Machine - McCann WP - Lidle WP - Smoltz KC vs. Mini BrewCrew vs. Cubs Winner - Mini Winner - BrewCrew RBI Machine - Cuddyer RBI

Week 3 Awards Wow You Guys Suck: The Gmen, are the big losers of the weekend. The decided once again to sleep walk through the first half and ended up with the game all but over after 11 minutes. And they did get outcoached and outplayed, anytime you get mauled like Coughlin said no specific person should take the blame, its everyone including the coaches. Runners Up: The Falcons for getting smoked last night, the Dolphins for making me look like an idiot for thinking they would be good this season Cough Cough Cough: Plaxico, had a spectacular day for the Giants with one catch which he proceeded to fumble away because he holds the ball with the strength of a 90 year old woman and to top that off he received a perfectly thrown pass from Eli Manning got gator arms and batted the ball directly into a Seahawks safeties arms. Runners Up: Mike Vick 12 for 31?, Michael Koenen 4 missed field goals and a blocked punt for an INT in three weeks nice work This Scaircrow Needs a Brain: Kurt War

1. Ohio State Buckeyes - Penn St. came into this season overrated due to their success last year and despite struggling for 3 quarters the Buckeyes pulled away and won comfortably. Quality Wins: Penn St., @Texas 2. Michigan Wolverines - This weeks win against Wisconsin is an underrated won as I expect the Badgers to be better than previously advertised and finish somewhere within the top 5 of the Big 10. The quality of the victory against Notre Dame took a marginal hit with ND struggles in East Lansing. Quality Wins: Wisconsin, @ND 3. Auburn Tigers - Look at Auburn's schedule and tell me that it isn't the greatest schedule in recorded ACC history. Not only do they play the majority of their difficult games at home, they sandwich those games with cupcakes similar to this weeks matchup against Buffalo following the LSU victory. If you're going to play in the SEC and you have a good team this is the schedule to get through the season. Quality Wins: LSU 4. Florida Gators

Well that was certainly disappointing for the Americans. Not only did the final score show a solid beatdown by the Europeans but the Americans lost every single segment during this cup and their are a few people that easily garner the blame and the credit. One of them just happens to be the number 2 ranked player in the world. Weather Man did it rain hard this weekend in Ireland. It was downpouring pretty much all of Saturday. 36 holes in straight rain can not be fun. Any other tourny would have given a rain delay with that sort of weather, unfortunately the Europeans performed like they were used to the rain while the Americans wanted to hide under their Umbrellas. Tape Delay I tried hard to avoid the bottom line on ESPN and any other news source that would tell me the score before I could watch the matches, but I think its fully impossible as a sports fan to not find out the results of anything that is on tape delay. All I needed to do to mess up was during half time of the Michigan

Thought I'd give you another from Pre-SimonOnSports Days

I'm slightly a Big 10 homer, but this week I think it will be tough to argue that there is any bigger games than ones happening in Michigan. If last week was Separation Saturday this should be dubbed the Ryder Cup is on watch that saturday. 5. UCLA vs. Washington in Seattle Surprisingly Washington is 2-1, having only sustained a loss to Oklahoma in non-beatdown fashion. Really this is the only major conference game with above .500 teams left to choose from so it gets the 5 slot. The Pick: UCLA the Ty machine isn't going to beat a good Pac 10 team yet 4. Ohio St. vs. Penn St. in Columbus A rematch of last years thrilling Penn St. victory means that the Buckeyes will be overwhelmingly motivated to beat the piss out of Joe Pa's squad and it will happen. No reason to watch this for much more than the first half. The Pick: Ohio St. in a rout 3. Arizona St. vs. Cal in Berkely I guess this is a big game pitting two ranked teams against each other where the winner will have a

Why the Ryder Cup is Money 1. It's an even competetion, when you split up the talent from all of the European countries and the United States, the teams are very similar in talent level from top to bottom. 2. The Ryder Cup always brings out different traits in the golfers as opposed to normal tournament play. For instance Monty is almost unbeatable during Ryder Cup matches, but during any Major he fades and makes incompetent mistakes just like this years US Open. 3. The US doesn't dominate. Admit it after Dream Team one you were completely uninterested in National Team Basketball, and now you're pissed off that they don't dominate. In Ryder Cup you think it's 50/50 that they are going to win which makes you rout that much harder. 4. Match play, 4 ball are all things you play with your buddies on the course on the weekends. So instead of looking up and seeing a guy go -8 under which you know you could never do, you get to watch people go head to head and see scores l

Here are 5 games that I think are the best options this week to bet on. 5. Atlanta (-3 1/2) @ New Orleans Despite the heart warming home coming and the inspiration that the Saints will gather from playing in New Orleans for the first time since pre-Katrina, the Falcons are just a better team and 3 1/2 points really isn't much. This one to be is a safe bet, but I'd probably avoid it similarly to avoiding Jet games, since I know I'm going to rout for the Saints to pull out a victory. So if you have no heart this ones for you. 4. Jacksonville (+8 1/2) @ Indianapolis The Jaguars always play the Colts strong and even play them strong in Indy, having lost by a td there last year and beaten them in Indy in 2004. The Jaguars are playing exceptionally well, the Colts have a questionable rushing attack and Freeney and Vinatieri are questionable for the game. If this spread stays above a touchdown, which it might cause no one gives the Jaguars any love, ever, take the Jaguars and

Last Weeks Picks Win - Loss – 6 – 9 RBI Machine - 2 for 15 Winning Pitcher - 5 for 15 Lock Selections 13-5 ...... Went with the Yanks 5 for 18 .. I'm coming for you Ricky-Bobby, worked out 8 for 18 .. So much for the Giants bouncing back from getting rocked monday night Seasons Total Win - Loss - 151 - 119 RBI Machine - 38 for 270 Winning Pitcher – 103 for 270 Weeks Recap Ugh two bad weeks in a row, I even had some solid blown saves in their last night to thwart what could have been atleast a .500 night. I'm coming down the stretch like the Red Sox. Seasons Best Win - Loss - 12-3 on 6/14 RBI Machine - 5 for 15 on 7/25 Winning Pitcher - 10 for 15 on 8/29

This guy comes out a month after the actual story with a few new quotes that only he has and now once again A-Rod is a hot topic. Ugh, way to waste countless hours of my sports talk radio listening on the same Arod topic that was boring to talk about almost the immediate second it started. Verducci while being interviewed on Mike & Mike this morning, admitted that the majority of the quotes he recieved for this article were amidst Arod's major slump, which was a full month ago. I don't care about Giambi's quotes or Arod's quote. Giambi along with every other Yankee said that Arod needed to perform. And Arod made the typical, speak before I open my mouth statement. We get it, Arod is a loner, he doesn't have a ton of friends on the team. He's a private guy who has a better personality for a individual sport like golf than a team sport like baseball. We get this we've known this, its old news, now the opening remarks on all New York Sports radio tal

Twins vs. Red Sox Braves vs. Nats Winner - Twins Winner - Braves RBI Machine - Mauer RBI Machine - Andruw WP - Garza WP - James Yanks vs. Blue Jays Mets vs. Marlins Winner - ***Yanks*** Winner - Marlins RBI Machine - ***Abreu*** RBI Machine - Cabrera WP - Karstens WP - Olsen Tigers vs. Chi Sox BrewCrew vs. Cards Winner - Chi Sox Winner - BrewCrew RBI Machine - Konerko RBI Machine - Prince WP - Freddy WP - Sheets Angels vs. Royals Reds vs. Astros Winner - Royals Winner - Astros RBI Machine - DeJesus RBI Machine - Berkman WP - De La Rosa WP - Pettite Seattle vs. Rangers San Fran vs. Rocks Winner - Rangers Winner - Gigantes RBI Machine - Big Tex RBI Machine - Bo

Week 2 Awards Wow You Guys Suck: The Iggles, The Giants did not deserve this game but the Iggles led by Captain UnClutch Donovan McNabb decided they didn't like 1st downs anymore in the 4th quarter and they also liked giving up TDs, congrats on not gaining a huge advantage in the NFC East, and I'm sure you're looking forward to your pass rush minus The Freak. Runners Up: Tampa Bay doesn't like points, Oakland they don't like 'em either Cough Cough Cough: Roy Williams, he deserves this for being a complete friggin idiot, not only does he come out and guarantee a win and not even come close, but he celebrates a first down after they are already getting beatdown and when asked he said something along the lines of it doesn't matter what the score is I'm an entertainer, alright Roy here's what you should do with your money, buy a muzzle, shut up. Runners Up: Chris Gamble just cause the coach calls a dumb play doesn't mean you have to do it, Daunte

And down the stretch they come, two weeks to go and there are two divisions which will have competition and of course Bud Selig's baby the Wildcard, so per Perras' request here's my stretch run predictions. AL Central Race Detroit Tigers: A one game lead is a far cry from where the Tigers were months ago, but a 5 game lead over the White Sox despite, a 3 game series in Chicago gives them a large amount of breathing room down the stretch. If they can win would in Chicago they should be home free having 5 games with the Royals remaining. Remaining Schedule: 3 @CWS, 1 @BAL, 3 @KC, 3 TOR, 2 KC Question Marks: How about their weak lineup, their incredibly inexperienced pitching, the slippage over the past two months and their inability this season to perform against good team. This squad better win the division or they can expect to get hammered by the New York Yankees in the first round. What's Working in their Advantage: It's a nice story that the Tigers are having a

Remember this is a Quality Victory Power Rankings 1. Ohio State Buckeyes - Their win at Texas still slightly puts them in the lead over Michigan, in addition to their two Gerber games. The difference between LSU, ND, and Texas is very marginal, but they knocked off the defending champions so numero uno. 2. Michigan Wolverines - Hail to the Victors, baby. Michigan walked into South Bend smacked Touchdown Jesus in the face and then punched Brady Quinn and Charlie Weis in the face. Not only did their offense look unstoppable against the Notre Dame defense which after two weeks was "much improved", but they just pounded Brady Quinn with hit after hit, he had to be half purple with bruises after the game. 3. Auburn Tigers - Well that was the typical SEC borefest where the defenses are massively more talented and athletic than the offense but Auburn got done what they needed to, they scored one touchdown. I agreed with the no call on the pass interference near the goal line so

Last Weeks Picks Win - Loss – 4 – 11 RBI Machine - 1 for 15 Winning Pitcher - 1 for 15 Lock Selections 12-5 ...... Lone Bright Spot got one lock right 4 for 17 .. No soup for Giles in an 0-for 8 for 17 .. Capuano has crapped the bed Seasons Total Win - Loss - 145 - 110 RBI Machine - 36 for 255 Winning Pitcher – 98 for 255 Weeks Recap I'm embarrassed by this performance in fact I'm going to basically hide this away, and say I posted it on Saturday in hopes that no one looks at it and laughs at how friggin pathetic it was. Seasons Best Win - Loss - 12-3 on 6/14 RBI Machine - 5 for 15 on 7/25 Winning Pitcher - 10 for 15 on 8/29

Through the years I have always enjoyed College Gameday, while I'm not a religous observer it certainly fills what is otherwise a typically dull and hungover saturday morning. However, I noticed this week that Gameday has decided to forego classic matchups of LSU vs. Auburn, Michigan vs. ND and Florida vs. Tennessee, for what you may ask, or already know if you are more than an uninformed peon, Nebraska visiting Southern Cal, a game with an 18 point spread. Then it hit me, Gameday is simply following the ABC primetime broadcast, A) To help promote and improve ratings and B) Herbstreit is working these games so he isn't going to do gameday in South Bend and then fly out to LA mid day. Here's my problem, Gameday is going against its roots and its format, not only have they tried to go to the best game every week in the past in addition to going to some storied games like Army Navy, or Grambling, and now not so much but its annoying watching Herbstreit at the end of the tel

I lied, this week there are actually 7 matchups which pit ranked opponents against each other, this is easily the most important week of the early college season and could go down as the most influential week of 2006. Statistically speaking its the biggest weekend in 13 years. So lets begin: 7. Texas Tech vs. TCU The Red Raiders for the second week in a row find themselves in an out of conference yet intrastate shootout. I believe in the Ghost of Ladainian will smack the Ghost of Kliff Karl Klingsbury (KKK) in the face and help lead the Horned Frogs to a very close victory. The Pick: TCU 6. Nebraska vs. Southern Cal College Gameday is treating it like the number 1 game of the day, which I will bitch about at some point in time either today or tomorrow, but I see this as the 6th biggest game of the week because I just don't see it being overly competitive, I don't see it catching my interest and I foresee myself leaving for the bar before this game is over especially if the game

1. At the University of Northern Colorodo the backup punter was arrested on second-degree assault charges. Why because he stabbed the first string punter in the leg. Now I've heard of motivation to start, and bitterness of losing a starting position battle but to take it that far, and a punter out of all people a punter. Was he upset with his social standing, did he think that he was going to get all of the glorious hairy mountain beasts called ladies in Northern Colorodo. Or was his affair with the first string punter ruined by his jealousy and in a raged hissy fit he took out a knife and stabbed his former lovers most important appendage. Oh the mystery. 2. Roy Williams, the lions receiver, might be the best mathmetician on the planet. Not only did he come out and guarantee he was going to beat the Bears, a much better team, but he comes out and says that the Lions offense is unstoppable, and to top it all off he says they were stupid close to scoring 40 points against the Seahaw

Oreos vs. Red Sox BrewCrew vs. Pitt Winner - Oreos Winner - BrewCrew RBI Machine - Hernandez RBI Machine - Prince WP - Cabrera WP - ***Capuano*** KC vs. Cleveland Mets vs. Marlins Winner - Indians Winner - Marlins RBI Machine - Peralta RBI Machine - Willingham WP - Sowers WP - Johnson Drays vs. Yanks Phils vs. ATL Winner - ***Yanks*** Winner - Bravos RBI Machine - Jeter RBI Machine - McCann WP - Mussina WP - Davies Rangers vs. Tigers Padres vs. Reds Winner - Rangers Winner - Padres RBI Machine - Big Tex RBI Machine - ***Giles*** WP - Padilla WP - Young White Sox vs. Angels Astros vs. Cards Winner - White Sox Winner - Astros RBI Machine - Konerko RBI Mach

This is how I think the rankings should read. Rank the teams based on the impressiveness of their wins not what you perceive their talents as. So at this point in time if there were teams to be picked this is how they should be laid out. Beatdowns of crap teams don't mean anything to me so West Virginia, good luck getting high on this list with your stealing candy from a baby with cerebral palsy schedule. This would force schools to schedule difficult games and eliminate teams scheduling on Troy, Buffalo, and East Asshole U. 1. Ohio State: The first win didn't mean anything but the beat down they gave Texas will leave Ohio State in the top spot for awhile, their defense shut down McCoy, and even the td that the Longhorns scored was after the biggest nonsense roughing the passer penalty ever. 2. Notre Dame: You can say they struggled against Geogia Tech, but GT is a very good team that will probably end the season at 7-4 and the beatdown they have gave the Wimpy Lions of P

Week 1 Awards Wow You Guys Suck: The Tampa Bay Bend-Over Buccaneers just decided that because I said they were going to have a very very good season that they would take it up the rump week 1. And show no threat on offense or defense. Maybe the Ravens are going to be a good team this year but at home week 1 that was the worst possible way to start a season. Runners Up: Patriots 2 point slopfest win, Seahawks 9 point offense. Cough Cough Cough: The weeks number one choker is a toss up, but the award goes to Jake Plummer who seems to have decided that he wants to become the turnover machine that we have all grown to love and adore in the past. Runners Up: Drew "I love to Pass to them Jaguars" Bledsoe, Mike Nugent 2 missed short FGs and an extra point to turn it from a blowout to a game. The Shocker: I am not 100% surprised that Baltimore beat Tampa but the way they did was completely shocking. Tampa ate a heaping helping of shit sandwich. Runners Up: St. Louis over Denver, At

MVP: Tom Brady After the Pats trample everyone on their weak schedule and have the best record in the NFL at the conclusion of the season Brady will finally get the award he's probably deserved for several seasons. Offensive Player of the Year: Carson Palmer Weapons Weapons Weapons. That's what Palmer has at his disposal for the 2nd straight year. TJ Houshyamama will again put up big numbers as will Rudi and my boy Chad the Beaver. Thank the Lord that he has already surpassed that Chump Carson Daly as the most famous person on the planet named after Johnny Carson. Defensive Player of the Year: Troy Polamalu He's got the hype, he's off to a good start, and he is not going to slow down. The biggest key is the hype, he's going to put up good numbers, but the press always goes for the hype and for a team with a good defense. Troy has everything working for him so expect him to take home the award. Offensive Rookie of the Year: DeAngelo Williams Not starting week on

5. Texas Tech vs. UTEP It may not seem like a big game to the typical outsider but battles within the borders of Texas, that don't include North Texas at Austin, are usually a big deal. This should be a shootout and it will be intriguing for those looking at possible pro QBs to watch Jordan Palmer in a big game and see if he has any of his Big Bro's ability. The Pick: UTEP 4. Clemson vs. Boston College A big time match up for whatever division these teams reside in, the Coastal or Atlantic or however they split their moronic division alignment. Clemson is ranked high for who really knows why and BC is off the radar. But one thing BC has working for them is that every single team that comes up to Chesnut Hill needs to charter a flight and sit around in an uncomfortable hotel room. I won't be a believer in Clemson til after this game, if I'm proven wrong. The Pick: BC 3. Georgia vs. South Carolina The Ole Ball Coach hosts Georgia a team he dominated while in Gainesvi

Yesterdays Picks Win - Loss – 6 – 9 RBI Machine - 3 for 15 Winning Pitcher - 2 for 15 Lock Selections 11-5 ...... Come on KC Won three weeks in a row, I'm going with this until they lose 4 for 16 .. Lance helps out post rain out 8 for 16 .. Nice that the Yanks did nothing to help Muss out Seasons Total Win - Loss - 141 - 99 RBI Machine - 35 for 240 Winning Pitcher – 97 for 240 Weeks Recap Um Ya five of the teams I picked to win got shutout, so I would categorize this as pretty much a terrible week. Seasons Best Win - Loss - 12-3 on 6/14 RBI Machine - 5 for 15 on 7/25 Winning Pitcher - 10 for 15 on 8/29

Now that I've broken down each division over the past two weeks it is time for me to do my playoff predictions. To wrap up here's what I see the the NFL playoff seeds lining up as. 1. NFC South Champs: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 12-4 2. NFC West Champs: Seattle Seahawks 12-4 3. NFC North Champs: Chicago Bears 11-5 4. NFC East Champs: New York Giants 10-6 5. NFC Wildcard #1: Carolina Panthers 11-5 6. NFC Wilcard #2: Dallas Cowboys 9-7 1. AFC East Champs: New England Patriots 14-2 2. AFC West Champs: San Diego Chargers 12-4 3. AFC South Champs: Indianapolis Colts 11-5 4. AFC North Champs: Cincinnati Bengals 10-6 5. AFC Wilcard #1: Miami Dolphins 13-3 6. AFC Wildcard #2: Pittsburgh Steelers 10-6 Wild Card Weekend Dallas Cowboys vs. Chicago Bears The Cowboys will come into this game and do the exact same thing that happened last year to the Bears. They will expose the fact that the Bears are weak at the quarterback position and have a limited offense. The Cowboys will pull out a low scor