I'm doing multiple Rankings first for each team as my perceived prestige of their 5 hometown heroes. And then I am ranking each teams 5 players. This is overly long, so I would pace yourself, cause if you have anything similar to my attention span, you're probably not going to get very far. I think that's why I hate to read books, by the 3rd page I want something cool to have happened, and they have to do all that build up nonsense, I'm impatient.
16. Nationals
This is the worst list in the National League and its really unfortunate. It's like they couldn't decide whether they wanted to embrace their years as the Expos or not. How about Vlad Guerrero? Vidro, Hernandez and Schneider? What is that a list of underachieving old vets on the Nats now? Terrible.
1. Rusty Staub - He's got red hair which is money, so he wins.
2. Gary Carter - I remember him as a Met, but he's better than any of the guys currently on the team.
3. Jose Vidro - Atleast he made a decent amount of all star games for the Expos, too many injuries to ever be considered a great player, surprise he's injured now.
4. Livan Hernandez - In twenty years, do you remember Livan as an Expo/Nat or as a young kid who helped the Marlins to the World Series? Neither, ok I guess that's probably the right answer.
5. Brian Schneider - 9 out of 10 people have no idea who Brian Schneider is, 10 out of 10 couldn't pick him out of a lineup.
15. Rockies
What a storied franchise, 0 playoff impact, and this is what lands them behind both the Marlins and Dbacks as the 2nd worst team in the National League in prestige. I mean look at those five guys for a second...
1. Dante Bichette - Lots O' roids, but he did hit a walk off homer in the Rockies first game and that's pretty cool isn't it.
2. Larry Walker - Larry had a sweet ass mullet, man that thing was sweet and he was probably their best player, well him or Helton, but he has a better mullett.
3. Todd Helton - Do you remember Helton as a gay QB for Tennessee Vols or as that guy that always put up huge numbers and was only important as a fantasy baseball player.
4. Andres Galarraga - Remember when he put up huge numbers in the mid 90s the big cat.
5. Vinny Castilla - Steroids... muchos steroids mexicanos.
14. Diamonbacks
This list is pretty terrible as well but they did win a World Series, the question is why include Randy Johnson but not Curt Schilling? He was Johnson's equal and by far had his best seasons in a Diamondback uniform. Where Johnson is more notable for his tenure as a Mariner.
1. Luis Gonzalez - Got the game winning hit of the 2001 World Series, took a lot of Steroids, and all of his notable years came as a Diamondback.
2. Randy Johnson - Look at the other options, he did win an MVP of the World Series.
3. Jay Bell - Jay Bell, are you serious Jay Bell? Come on why not Mark Grace, or Quentin McCracken.
4. Matt Williams - He was cool as a Giant.
5. Todd Stottlemyre - Any list that includes Todd Stottelmyre amongst its greatest players, that isn't a list of best pitchers sired by Mel Stottelmyre, is pushing it.
13. Marlins
They have two World Series titles, so they beat out the other newer squads even though they don't have any superstars on this list.
1. Josh Beckett - He won a World Series MVP, thats pretty big isn't it. If you think of that World Series the first image is him tagging out Jorge to end it. So congrats Josh Beckett you are the face of the Marlins franchise for maybe another week or so.
2. Dontrelle Willis - Tough one, considering he is the face of the Marlins now, but just had to give the edge to Beckett cause of the MVP, Willis will surpass him in a year or two, Miguel Cabrera should be on this list.
3. Robb Nenn - Slammed the door for the 97 Marlins, but is he a true Marlin or is he more the guy who blew out his arm for the Giants, I go for the latter.
4. Jeff Conine - An Original Marlin, but thats like picking Don Zimmer because he was an original Met, basically who cares.
5. Luis Castillo - Guy hit one homer a year and batted second, big deal.
12. Astros
Not the greatest list of players ever for certain, but Biggio is probably going to make the hall and Bagwell is borderline although steroids are certainly questionable.
1. Craig Biggio - Give it to Biggio over Bagwell, even though Bagwell had a better prime, because Biggio didn't douche over the Stros with an enormous contract like Bagwell has when he refused to retire and got paid this year and last year upwards of 36 mill for doing nothing.
2. Jeff Bagwell - Wouldn't you do the same thing? I know I would.
3. Nolan Ryan - He's baseball's best moving commodity, you can't stereotype him as an Astro.
4. Larry Dierker - A Pitcher, a coach a broadcaster, Dierker is all things Astro just not really great at any of it.
5. Jimmy Wynn - Man the Colt 45's was a cool name, too bad they dumped it, although with out the Astros would we have had those hideous Orange and Yellow Striped jerseys.
11. Brewers
All these guys were good when the Brewers played in the AL, so there NL prestige is zero, but they are still better than the squads listed below.
1. Robin Yount - Holds the Brewers record in almost every hitting category. And was a career Brewer. Plus he won the MVP twice.
2. Paul Molitor - A great hitter for the Brew Crew and if he was a career Brewer like Yount he might have won out, but he spent too much time with those championship Blue Jay teams.
3. Rollie Fingers - Fingers won a Cy Young and an MVP for the Brewers, but he's really an A we all know that.
4. Cecil Cooper - Played for the Red Sox, immediate negative points.
5. Jim Gantner - Who?
10. Padres
Not a bad top three considering all will probably go into the Hall wearing Padres brown yellow and camo. But the bottom 2, Brian Giles? How about the Crime-Dog, or someone who's played with the Fathers more than three years and is actually good. Giles is having worse years with the Padres than he did with the Pirates, and somehow he's on this list as an all-time Padre great? Sure, makes sense.
1. Tony Gwynn - A No-Brainer. Certainly doesn't make the Color Commentators hall of fame though.
2. Dave Winfield - Mr. May is the man, should have gone into the Hall with Spring Pinstripes.
3. Trevor Hoffman - Hells Bells, best closer ever to not throw hard. Thanks for blowing the All-Star game, when the Yanks have homefield in game 7 I'll send you a thank you card.
4. Randy Jones - A 2-time all star, not greatest ever material.
5. Brian Giles - Mucho Steroids, lots of B12 shots in the Giles household.
9. Phillies
The Phillies other than Schmidt and Carlton who are extremely great, outdate me. When I think Robin Roberts I think the black woman who used to be on ESPN. And forget about Klein and Ashburn.
1. Mike Schmidt - Beats out Carlton because of his sweet Mustache.
2. Steve Carlton - Better than Schmidt but no mustache.
3. Robin Roberts - I was severely disappointed when Robin Roberts left ESPN to join the ranks of ABC, almost fell into depression. Gave up the most homeruns in history, Ouch.
4. Chuck Klein - Calvin's dad? Maybe Grandfather? I guess he won a Triple Crown, that's pretty good.
5. Richie Ashburn - No funny comments here.
8. NY Mets
The Mets pretty much finish infront of the Phillies mostly because I don't really know many of those old school Phillies players.
1. Tom Seaver - The Only Met enshrined in Cooperstown. Tom Terrific is easily the greatest Met of all time.
2. John Franco - He was the symbol of the Mets for to long to be any lower on this list.
3. Darryl Strawberry - Mucho Coca, too bad he was the man.
4. Mike Piazza - Top 10 Coolest Sports saga was the Roger Clemens drilling him in the label of the helmet and the shredded bat throw. Nothing made me laugh harder than watching Piazza get drilled in the forehead and then whine like a little girl in the press conferences.
5. Tug McGraw - He sired Tim MGraw who is married to Faith Hill, who is pretty damn attractive, I think thats his biggest claim to fame.
7. Cubs
The lovable losers have been around forever and with the exception of Banks don't have another all time great. I mean Sandberg made the Hall but he is certainly not immortal, and Banks might not even be immortal.
1. Ernie Banks - Lovable Loser
2. Ryne Sandberg - I never got this name is it pronounced like the typical Ryan, does is rhyme with wine, what were his parents really thinking about?
3. Fergie Jenkins - Gave up the second most homers of all time, go Cubbies.
4. Ron Santo - Boys got Diabetes, he is the inspiration to Adam Morrison.
5. Billy Williams - All these guys played in the 60s, if they were all on the same team and they are all great than maybe they should have won a world series. I mean look at the Reds below they have all guys from the 70s and they were the best team that decade.
6. Reds
Notice the theme of Reds players from the 70s and Reds players not from the 70s, 5 to 0. If this was just the disco era they would be numero uno.
1. Johnny Bench - Give it to the Bench man, one of the greatest catchers of all time but severly behind Yogi in the cool quote column.
2. Pete Rose - Poor Peetey was addicted to gambling, too bad he wasn't addicted to steroids then maybe he would have 500 homers to go along with his ludicrous amount of hits.
3. Joe Morgan - Do you remember him more for the Reds or for his constant sucking up to Barry Bonds on Sunday Night Baseball
4. Tony Perez - A Great Player, but just falls behind these other guys.
5. Frank Robinson - Frank's pretty close to being 50/50 Reds/Orioles so he comes in last here.
5. Braves
Well Hank Aaron is pretty good, so is Spahn, the Bravos have had some darn good players in their tenure and as much as I hate Chipper, the boys gonna make the hall.
1. Hank Aaron - Who'd you think was the greatest Brave of all time? John Rocker, ooh that might have been my choice as well.
2. Warren Spahn - Perhaps the greatest left hand pitcher of all time.
3. Phil Niekro - Everybody loves a great knuckleballer.
4. Chipper Jones - I'll give Chipper the slight edge over Smoltz because an MVP is better than a Cy Young.
5. John Smoltz - Certainly great, but a better Brave than Maddux or Glavine? That's questionable.
4. Pirates
The best latin player of all time, maybe the best shortstop ever, and a walk-off homer in game 7 of the World Series.
1. Roberto Clemente - Mr. 3000, if Ozzie Guillen was a gay man in the 70s he would have tried to make love to Roberto.
2. Honus Wagner - In his days they didn't have bases they had rocks. So the commercial said.
3. Willie Stargell - Not sure if I think the We are Family thing was really cool or not, but the unis were certainly phenomenal.
4. Bill Mazeroski - A Walkoff homer in game 7 of a World Series, is um memorable.
5. Ralph Kiner - Solid Mets announcer for decades.
3. Dodgers
Really Dodgers, Giants and Cardinals were no brainers for 1 2 3, it was just a matter of picking the order. And the Dodgers got the short straw.
1. Jackie Robinson - Well he was a great player but we all know his social impact was more important.
2. Sandy Koufax - Perhaps the greatest pitcher of all time, quit while he was ahead.
3. Duke Snider - How does a guy retire as one of the Dodgers best players ever and go on to announce for the Expos? Does that make sense?
4. Pee Wee Reese - This is an uncool record to have, played in the Most losing World Series of all time, 6. That kind of blows.
5. Roy Campanella - He's half italian, just like me, go Campy.
2. Cardinals
I give them the slight edge over the Dodgers because Pujols has a chance to go down as a top 5 hitter of all time and has a legit chance to win the Triple Crown every single season a feat that hasn't been done in the National League since Joe Medwick in 1937, ya you know Medwick.
1. Bob Gibson - Would drill you in the face whenever he felt like it, what more do you want in a pitcher, oh the miniscule ERA does it for ya, well I'm more of a fan of the drilling.
2. Stan Musial - 4th most hits of all time, thats pretty good.
3. Ozzie Smith - Best Backflips in baseball history, now if only we could get fat guys like the MeatHook Dmitri Young to try these things, now that would be comedy.
4. Lou Brock - Ha the Cubs traded him to the Cardinals for basically nobody, now that's classic Cubs.
5. Albert Pujols - Best start to a career ever. Period.
1. Giants
And the Giants are the big winners. Willie Mays is a top 5 player of all time so check on that. And Barry Bonds really is top ten even with the juice issues, I just hate him so I slotted him at the bottom. Plus the remainder of the guys are hall of famers and none of them are borderline veteran committee guys.
1. Willie Mays - Ya, not very tough of a choice.
2. Mel Ott - The dudes got his own postage stamp coming up in 2006 and he's been dead for 57 years, now that's cool. Plus he mostly played in the Polo Grounds, which had the most ludicrous dimensions ever made.
3. Willie McCovey - He's got a Cove named after him. What's better than a Cove, I certainly can't think of anything.
4. Juan Marichal - Got into a fight with a catcher after some Koufax pitchers were high and tight and used his bat to beat the guys head. Now that's funny.
5. Barry Bonds - Roids, Roids, Roids, more Roids and a little Clear.
Man did this take a lot longer to write than I thought it would, and I feel obliged to do the AL, cause the AL is cooler.
16. Nationals
This is the worst list in the National League and its really unfortunate. It's like they couldn't decide whether they wanted to embrace their years as the Expos or not. How about Vlad Guerrero? Vidro, Hernandez and Schneider? What is that a list of underachieving old vets on the Nats now? Terrible.
1. Rusty Staub - He's got red hair which is money, so he wins.
2. Gary Carter - I remember him as a Met, but he's better than any of the guys currently on the team.
3. Jose Vidro - Atleast he made a decent amount of all star games for the Expos, too many injuries to ever be considered a great player, surprise he's injured now.
4. Livan Hernandez - In twenty years, do you remember Livan as an Expo/Nat or as a young kid who helped the Marlins to the World Series? Neither, ok I guess that's probably the right answer.
5. Brian Schneider - 9 out of 10 people have no idea who Brian Schneider is, 10 out of 10 couldn't pick him out of a lineup.
15. Rockies
What a storied franchise, 0 playoff impact, and this is what lands them behind both the Marlins and Dbacks as the 2nd worst team in the National League in prestige. I mean look at those five guys for a second...
1. Dante Bichette - Lots O' roids, but he did hit a walk off homer in the Rockies first game and that's pretty cool isn't it.
2. Larry Walker - Larry had a sweet ass mullet, man that thing was sweet and he was probably their best player, well him or Helton, but he has a better mullett.
3. Todd Helton - Do you remember Helton as a gay QB for Tennessee Vols or as that guy that always put up huge numbers and was only important as a fantasy baseball player.
4. Andres Galarraga - Remember when he put up huge numbers in the mid 90s the big cat.
5. Vinny Castilla - Steroids... muchos steroids mexicanos.
14. Diamonbacks
This list is pretty terrible as well but they did win a World Series, the question is why include Randy Johnson but not Curt Schilling? He was Johnson's equal and by far had his best seasons in a Diamondback uniform. Where Johnson is more notable for his tenure as a Mariner.
1. Luis Gonzalez - Got the game winning hit of the 2001 World Series, took a lot of Steroids, and all of his notable years came as a Diamondback.
2. Randy Johnson - Look at the other options, he did win an MVP of the World Series.
3. Jay Bell - Jay Bell, are you serious Jay Bell? Come on why not Mark Grace, or Quentin McCracken.
4. Matt Williams - He was cool as a Giant.
5. Todd Stottlemyre - Any list that includes Todd Stottelmyre amongst its greatest players, that isn't a list of best pitchers sired by Mel Stottelmyre, is pushing it.
13. Marlins
They have two World Series titles, so they beat out the other newer squads even though they don't have any superstars on this list.
1. Josh Beckett - He won a World Series MVP, thats pretty big isn't it. If you think of that World Series the first image is him tagging out Jorge to end it. So congrats Josh Beckett you are the face of the Marlins franchise for maybe another week or so.
2. Dontrelle Willis - Tough one, considering he is the face of the Marlins now, but just had to give the edge to Beckett cause of the MVP, Willis will surpass him in a year or two, Miguel Cabrera should be on this list.
3. Robb Nenn - Slammed the door for the 97 Marlins, but is he a true Marlin or is he more the guy who blew out his arm for the Giants, I go for the latter.
4. Jeff Conine - An Original Marlin, but thats like picking Don Zimmer because he was an original Met, basically who cares.
5. Luis Castillo - Guy hit one homer a year and batted second, big deal.
12. Astros
Not the greatest list of players ever for certain, but Biggio is probably going to make the hall and Bagwell is borderline although steroids are certainly questionable.
1. Craig Biggio - Give it to Biggio over Bagwell, even though Bagwell had a better prime, because Biggio didn't douche over the Stros with an enormous contract like Bagwell has when he refused to retire and got paid this year and last year upwards of 36 mill for doing nothing.
2. Jeff Bagwell - Wouldn't you do the same thing? I know I would.
3. Nolan Ryan - He's baseball's best moving commodity, you can't stereotype him as an Astro.
4. Larry Dierker - A Pitcher, a coach a broadcaster, Dierker is all things Astro just not really great at any of it.
5. Jimmy Wynn - Man the Colt 45's was a cool name, too bad they dumped it, although with out the Astros would we have had those hideous Orange and Yellow Striped jerseys.
11. Brewers
All these guys were good when the Brewers played in the AL, so there NL prestige is zero, but they are still better than the squads listed below.
1. Robin Yount - Holds the Brewers record in almost every hitting category. And was a career Brewer. Plus he won the MVP twice.
2. Paul Molitor - A great hitter for the Brew Crew and if he was a career Brewer like Yount he might have won out, but he spent too much time with those championship Blue Jay teams.
3. Rollie Fingers - Fingers won a Cy Young and an MVP for the Brewers, but he's really an A we all know that.
4. Cecil Cooper - Played for the Red Sox, immediate negative points.
5. Jim Gantner - Who?
10. Padres
Not a bad top three considering all will probably go into the Hall wearing Padres brown yellow and camo. But the bottom 2, Brian Giles? How about the Crime-Dog, or someone who's played with the Fathers more than three years and is actually good. Giles is having worse years with the Padres than he did with the Pirates, and somehow he's on this list as an all-time Padre great? Sure, makes sense.
1. Tony Gwynn - A No-Brainer. Certainly doesn't make the Color Commentators hall of fame though.
2. Dave Winfield - Mr. May is the man, should have gone into the Hall with Spring Pinstripes.
3. Trevor Hoffman - Hells Bells, best closer ever to not throw hard. Thanks for blowing the All-Star game, when the Yanks have homefield in game 7 I'll send you a thank you card.
4. Randy Jones - A 2-time all star, not greatest ever material.
5. Brian Giles - Mucho Steroids, lots of B12 shots in the Giles household.
9. Phillies
The Phillies other than Schmidt and Carlton who are extremely great, outdate me. When I think Robin Roberts I think the black woman who used to be on ESPN. And forget about Klein and Ashburn.
1. Mike Schmidt - Beats out Carlton because of his sweet Mustache.
2. Steve Carlton - Better than Schmidt but no mustache.
3. Robin Roberts - I was severely disappointed when Robin Roberts left ESPN to join the ranks of ABC, almost fell into depression. Gave up the most homeruns in history, Ouch.
4. Chuck Klein - Calvin's dad? Maybe Grandfather? I guess he won a Triple Crown, that's pretty good.
5. Richie Ashburn - No funny comments here.
8. NY Mets
The Mets pretty much finish infront of the Phillies mostly because I don't really know many of those old school Phillies players.
1. Tom Seaver - The Only Met enshrined in Cooperstown. Tom Terrific is easily the greatest Met of all time.
2. John Franco - He was the symbol of the Mets for to long to be any lower on this list.
3. Darryl Strawberry - Mucho Coca, too bad he was the man.
4. Mike Piazza - Top 10 Coolest Sports saga was the Roger Clemens drilling him in the label of the helmet and the shredded bat throw. Nothing made me laugh harder than watching Piazza get drilled in the forehead and then whine like a little girl in the press conferences.
5. Tug McGraw - He sired Tim MGraw who is married to Faith Hill, who is pretty damn attractive, I think thats his biggest claim to fame.
7. Cubs
The lovable losers have been around forever and with the exception of Banks don't have another all time great. I mean Sandberg made the Hall but he is certainly not immortal, and Banks might not even be immortal.
1. Ernie Banks - Lovable Loser
2. Ryne Sandberg - I never got this name is it pronounced like the typical Ryan, does is rhyme with wine, what were his parents really thinking about?
3. Fergie Jenkins - Gave up the second most homers of all time, go Cubbies.
4. Ron Santo - Boys got Diabetes, he is the inspiration to Adam Morrison.
5. Billy Williams - All these guys played in the 60s, if they were all on the same team and they are all great than maybe they should have won a world series. I mean look at the Reds below they have all guys from the 70s and they were the best team that decade.
6. Reds
Notice the theme of Reds players from the 70s and Reds players not from the 70s, 5 to 0. If this was just the disco era they would be numero uno.
1. Johnny Bench - Give it to the Bench man, one of the greatest catchers of all time but severly behind Yogi in the cool quote column.
2. Pete Rose - Poor Peetey was addicted to gambling, too bad he wasn't addicted to steroids then maybe he would have 500 homers to go along with his ludicrous amount of hits.
3. Joe Morgan - Do you remember him more for the Reds or for his constant sucking up to Barry Bonds on Sunday Night Baseball
4. Tony Perez - A Great Player, but just falls behind these other guys.
5. Frank Robinson - Frank's pretty close to being 50/50 Reds/Orioles so he comes in last here.
5. Braves
Well Hank Aaron is pretty good, so is Spahn, the Bravos have had some darn good players in their tenure and as much as I hate Chipper, the boys gonna make the hall.
1. Hank Aaron - Who'd you think was the greatest Brave of all time? John Rocker, ooh that might have been my choice as well.
2. Warren Spahn - Perhaps the greatest left hand pitcher of all time.
3. Phil Niekro - Everybody loves a great knuckleballer.
4. Chipper Jones - I'll give Chipper the slight edge over Smoltz because an MVP is better than a Cy Young.
5. John Smoltz - Certainly great, but a better Brave than Maddux or Glavine? That's questionable.
4. Pirates
The best latin player of all time, maybe the best shortstop ever, and a walk-off homer in game 7 of the World Series.
1. Roberto Clemente - Mr. 3000, if Ozzie Guillen was a gay man in the 70s he would have tried to make love to Roberto.
2. Honus Wagner - In his days they didn't have bases they had rocks. So the commercial said.
3. Willie Stargell - Not sure if I think the We are Family thing was really cool or not, but the unis were certainly phenomenal.
4. Bill Mazeroski - A Walkoff homer in game 7 of a World Series, is um memorable.
5. Ralph Kiner - Solid Mets announcer for decades.
3. Dodgers
Really Dodgers, Giants and Cardinals were no brainers for 1 2 3, it was just a matter of picking the order. And the Dodgers got the short straw.
1. Jackie Robinson - Well he was a great player but we all know his social impact was more important.
2. Sandy Koufax - Perhaps the greatest pitcher of all time, quit while he was ahead.
3. Duke Snider - How does a guy retire as one of the Dodgers best players ever and go on to announce for the Expos? Does that make sense?
4. Pee Wee Reese - This is an uncool record to have, played in the Most losing World Series of all time, 6. That kind of blows.
5. Roy Campanella - He's half italian, just like me, go Campy.
2. Cardinals
I give them the slight edge over the Dodgers because Pujols has a chance to go down as a top 5 hitter of all time and has a legit chance to win the Triple Crown every single season a feat that hasn't been done in the National League since Joe Medwick in 1937, ya you know Medwick.
1. Bob Gibson - Would drill you in the face whenever he felt like it, what more do you want in a pitcher, oh the miniscule ERA does it for ya, well I'm more of a fan of the drilling.
2. Stan Musial - 4th most hits of all time, thats pretty good.
3. Ozzie Smith - Best Backflips in baseball history, now if only we could get fat guys like the MeatHook Dmitri Young to try these things, now that would be comedy.
4. Lou Brock - Ha the Cubs traded him to the Cardinals for basically nobody, now that's classic Cubs.
5. Albert Pujols - Best start to a career ever. Period.
1. Giants
And the Giants are the big winners. Willie Mays is a top 5 player of all time so check on that. And Barry Bonds really is top ten even with the juice issues, I just hate him so I slotted him at the bottom. Plus the remainder of the guys are hall of famers and none of them are borderline veteran committee guys.
1. Willie Mays - Ya, not very tough of a choice.
2. Mel Ott - The dudes got his own postage stamp coming up in 2006 and he's been dead for 57 years, now that's cool. Plus he mostly played in the Polo Grounds, which had the most ludicrous dimensions ever made.
3. Willie McCovey - He's got a Cove named after him. What's better than a Cove, I certainly can't think of anything.
4. Juan Marichal - Got into a fight with a catcher after some Koufax pitchers were high and tight and used his bat to beat the guys head. Now that's funny.
5. Barry Bonds - Roids, Roids, Roids, more Roids and a little Clear.
Man did this take a lot longer to write than I thought it would, and I feel obliged to do the AL, cause the AL is cooler.
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