SimonOnSports

Hey, we established I was heartless a few days ago, the guy lived he's fine now, it's been a bunch of years, I think its ok to get a chuckle out of it.

It's my f'n cake... The greatest commercial franchise of all time, hands down.

So I'm headed into work this morning and I here on the 20/20 update machine on 1050 espnradio that Yankees single game tickets go on sale today. Sweet, I got this, first time I actually remembered to do this and I'm going to get a bunch of Red Sox and Mets tickets. Hell I even have two computers at work I'll just punch everything in at 10 on the dot and zip there will be a bunch of games sitting on my lap. Or not. See those screen shots ya thats the what I had staring me in the face for countless minutes, pain and torture. I had my Internet Explorer going and my FireFox going, yet it didn't appear to help. All I did was stare at those searching screens forever. It took under 30 minutes for the opening series of the Red Sox to have only single tickets available. Prior to 10 I looked at the schedule and saw that the Mets were playing in Yankee stadium on Fathers day, well thats certainly the perfect gift, so I focused mose of my attention on that, only to get denied ...

Loser of the Week: Jeff Frazee Sophomore Goaltender for the Minnesota Golden Gophers Um ya so you suck at what you do, you're gonna have to ship that one out to the NHL scouts, they'll have you signed up in no time. Had to provide a picture of him to expose his face, a faceless man can not be embarrassed. Hope you get over this one big fella.

My favorite part of this one is the fact that he basically wasn't alive after the hit, somehow he had the game winning goal later in the game, but Stevens is still cooler.

The Sportsguy repeatedly beats on Doc Rivers so do the papers, and believe me I have my problems with Rivers as well, but I'm hear to knock Danny Ainge. I'm done with laying everything on Doc and Danny going scot free and I am petitioning anyone reading this to go to the Can Danny site to voice their opinion as to why Danny is blowing it. Let's take a look at some of Danny's moves... Antoine Walker Tony Delk for Raef Lafrentz, Jiri Welsch, Chris Mills and 2004 1st Round Pick (Delone West)- Danny came in and immediately said that he didn't want to trade Antoine Walker, and Walker came into camp not fat for the first time in the new millennium, playing great in the preseason and Danny decided to split up Walker and Pierce for really no good reason at all and gained one overpayed stiff, Lafrenz, and a guy in Welsh that they could never figure out what to do with in Mills. To his credit this trade isn't completely horrible as Delonte appears to be a promising role...

Well mostly because I feel bad that it's on it's last legs I'm going to advocate Hockey for a bit and applaud it for its commendable attributes, for instance Legal Assault.

Well since it's SuperBowl week I figured I'd throw together some YouTube clips of my favorite ads from past Superbowls (probably one a day) and start with my childhood favorite the BudBowl. How friggin lame were those things, man as an 8 year old I friggin loved those commercials, maybe their propaganda childhood powers worked as I typically drink Bud Light when I want to guzzle down beers and not enjoy them. Anybody else have a favorite ad that I most likely will forget in the few days.

But Barbaro was Euthanized this morning and I really could care less. I would assume that millions of horses die everyday and we don't cry about it. I'm sure there will be a few Sportscenter spots during this next week and then we will never hear about Barbaro again until the next big time racing horse breaks his leg during the Triple Crown. And I'm more than fine with this after last years overload of information as to whether Barbaro was doing fine or what risky procedure they were going to perform, how his hoof was doing, I don't f'n care. Sucks for his owners, who would have made a boatload on stud fees, and sucks for Barbaro, imagine a life where all you have to do is sit back eat and bang women who have the best genes in the world. Tough life. But ya I don't care.

You might be hard pressed to find someone who feels worse about their current job today in the whole United States than Gary Bettman. Why? Well the NHL's All Star Game, which should act like a showcase for the league, was watched by well, almost no Americans at all. A whopping 474,000 households tuned into Versus last Wednesday for the 12-9 All Star Game shootout, down 76% from the 1,985,000 households in 2004, the last All Star Game played. That's pathetic. From USA Today here's a list of programs that defeated the All Star game in ratings: HGTV's Design on a Dime Discovery's Myth Busters Bravo's Top Chef Food Network's Ace of Cakes TV Land's Andy Griffith Show. The Andy Griffith show not only defeated the All Star game in ratings it destroyed it, with 85% more viewers than the All Star Game. For those that don't know the Andy Griffith show last aired a new episode in 1968. Go, NHL. Perhaps it was the Network the Game was on, Versus, who ha...

Just decided I wanted video highlights of Roddick getting destroyed up, cause I find it hilarious.

Possibly the greatest commercial of all time. Feel Bigger?

Watch the first video, than watch the second. Now you're angry aren't you?

It's a little pet peave of mine and typically I don't watch the All-Star game anyway, but nothing annoys me more than how the starting lineups of the All-Star games get chosen. It's a chicken or the egg debate for me, do I not care because of the voting process, or does my not caring for the game make me hate the voting process more, who the hell knows. All I know is that personally the voting annoys me. Needless to say I disagree with yesterday's selections . Here's a few things I think need to be done. Fans Voting I despise the fan vote in basically every situation, it's simple most fans have no idea what's going on in this years NBA and simply come to vote for one particular player and default pick the remaining roster with names they are familiar with. It happens in every sport and the end result is the 2 best players this season in the NBA, Nash and Nowitzki, somehow not starting in the All Star game? The two frontrunners for MVP, no All Star Gam...

Major League Baseball 1. Matt Clement - I mean he was never that good but with the Red Sox, well he might as well continue what he did last season, see it the dugout and never go to the mound. 2. Carl Pavano - See above note about Clement and multiply it by 2. 3. Alex Rodriguez - Already been talked about enough but him, the bronx, and yankees fans don't mesh well. 4. Ken Griffey Jr. - I think it's about time we get Griffey to a plae where he perhaps could make the playoffs and a world series, in Cincy he's been an injury trainwreck and so has the team. 5. Barry Bonds - Needs to just fade away. National Basketball Association 1. Ray Allen - I don't think anyone in America gets to appreciate just how good Ray Allen is since he is stuck in Seattle with a team that doesn't know how to spell defense. 2. Hawks Management - They need to head to the scrap heap because they are terrible. Sum it up, none of their draft picks have developed into all stars and their best pla...

With the Celtics riding a 9 game losing streak and no sign of Pierce or Wally World returning anytime soon, as well as Tony Allen tearing up his ACL, hell even Big Al sprained his ankle last night, but pardon me if I spend the next Celtics broadcast dreaming of Christmas in June.

And the beatdown was concluded. 6-0 Andy? You couldn't even win one of your service games? Don't you serve 135 miles per hour. And if you think 6-0 happens that often with Federer or anyone for that matter it doesn't, Federer only won 18 sets last year 6-0 and of course lead the tour in Bageled sets. And to top it off Roddick only scored 6 points the entire set, for those tennis illiterates that means every time they had a rally for the whole set Roddick only managed to win 6 times. Pathetic. It was the first time he's ever been bageled in his 25 career major appearances. Too bad for Roddick, if Federer was never around he'd probably have 5 major titles and go down as one of the best American Tennis Players Ever, instead he's got 1 and will go down as unfulfilled potential, and considering Federer's dominance over him there's no reason to believe he will ever beat Federer in a big spot again. Some match facts provided by Aussie Open.com and ESPN.c...

Too bad this friggin match will be shown at sometime around 3 am cause boy do I enjoy the whooping Federer usually brings when he plays Roddick as he has won 13 of 15 career matches against Roddick including a 9 match winning streak which ended 10 days ago a the site of an exhibition final , so I'm not really sure that counts. Here are some other stats to throw out there: ~Federer hasn't lost to anyone not named Nadal in a Grand Slam 2 years ago to the round when he lost to Safin in a thrilling semifnal match in the 2005 Aussie Open. ~Roddick is 2-9 versus top ten players in his Grand Slam career, picking up his second win earlier this tourny. ~Federer has beaten Roddick in 6 tournament finals losing only two sets, one in their first Wimbledon meeting the other coming in last years US Open Final. Roddick actually has looked pretty damn good so far this tournament and if he plays like he has been this week he has a chance, but he always chokes when he faces Federer, and then Fe...

In Soccer News a fan of the Argentinian Domestic Club from Buenos Aires, Boca Juniors , decided that it was about time he showed his pride so he went down to the local tattoo artist to get it done. Well he made a big mistake as to which parlor he chose for the one he chose housed a huge fan of River Plate , a rival team from Buenos Aires. The tattoist was annoyed by this request and refused to proceed with the Boca Juniors tattoo, however, he did not mention this to the teenager laying down on the tattoo table. Instead he decided to tattoo a penis on the back of the unsuspecting teenager and since this tattoo parlor had no mirror the teenager had no idea what was being placed on his back. "I could not see what he was tattooing because he didn't have a mirror. I only saw it when I got home and showed it to my parents.," said the victim. Now thats classic, so next time you plan to head to the Bronx to get yourself a Red Sox tattoo perhaps you should think twice.

So the Oscar nominations came out and basically I wish they were a meaningless award as A) They never have any movie involved that I have ever seen. B) Any movie that I later see I typically do not enjoy. C) They royally screwed over Borat this year. Maybe some people didn't like it, maybe some people thought it was offensive, but it was by far the best and most enjoyable movie of the year. Granted I don't have much to compare it to as I do not engulf myself in the movie theatre. But if it's good enough to win him a Golden Globe for best actor than maybe he should atleast gotten a nod. I only saw one of the Best Picture Nominees, the Departed, and I enjoyed it far more than I enjoyed the Departed, which I thought was good, but did not live up to my expectations. I hate the Oscars.

I'm sorry but he's no different than any other person, when he loses he's not a good sport. He does not exemplify class.

I know everyone loves to pound on Al Davis for being senile and amazingly dumb enough to sign Art Shell for a second term and above all allow a guy running a bed and breakfast to run his offense last season, but hey atleast he's hopped on the NFL trend band wagon of signing a young hot genius coordinator. So what if he bucked the trend and hired Lane Kiffin , a young 'genius' coordinator from college with a single year of NFL experience, and so what if he's only 31. Wait what? The guy is 31, is a college coordinator, has a single year of NFL experience and you're giving him your head coaching job? Ok so typically college coaches shit the bed in the NFL, now you're going with the extreme of a college coordinator. Al Davis has officially lost his mind. Perhaps he was interviewing Lane, while looking at his father Monte, defensive coordinator of the Bucs, resume? That would make sense right. His only year of NFL coaching experience was as the Jaguars Defens...

Well Now introducing you to the Reche Caldwell face... Now thats a classic.

Wow You Guys Suck: Reche Caldwell, Finally the whole not a goto receiver caught up with the Patriots as Reche Caldwell really stunk. He dropped a wide open touchdown pass which he was luckily bailed out the play later when Gaffney made a phenomenal catch in the back of the endzone, and then he dropped the pass when no one lined up against him and he would have been guaranteed about 8 yards, which could have possibly lead to a td instead of the field goal they had to settle for on that possession because after the dropped pass they didnt get the necessary yardage. Not solid Reche. Runner Up: Don't want to beat a dead horse but Fred Thomas needs to reevaluate how he covers guys, because he really doesn't. Cough Cough Cough: Patriots Defense, They played so well in the first half, a Pick 6, a ton of beautiful deep pass knock downs, shutting down the run, and then the second half came. And then they were useless. They provided the Colts with countless momentum after giving ...

Some Story Lines Dome Curse No Dome team has made the Superbowl without homefield advantage. So that points to the Bears of course. However, I don't see the Saints as a tailor made and see the only person on their roster who might be hurt by playing on a field which appeared to cause a lot of missed footing to be Reggie Bush, who puts his body and feet at extreme angles which could easily lead to slips. America's Interest Anyone outside of Chicago rooting for the Bears? Well gamblers don't count. Sucks that this game is in Chicago, but atleast the neutral fan that shows up at the game will most likely be pulling for the Saints. Soldier Field Memories Drew Brees remembers Soldier Field well, it was there that Brees hit his low point, when Martyball gave up on him for the remainder of the season and went with Doug Flutie it was this final dagger in Soldier field that lead to the Philip Rivers draft choice and the Eli Manning saga. It is here where his biggest game as a p...

Some Story Lines Dome Perfection 9-0 vs. 10-0 those are their respective marks. The Colts were undefeated at home this season, one of two, the other being the recently knocked off Chargers, while Tom Brady is undefeated during his entire career while playing in a dome. In fact Brady typically plays masterfully inside, minus negative conditions, and perfect footing. One of these marks is getting broken. Vinatieri Effect All this talk about losing Vinatieri being an incredible negative for the Pats is overblown. Have you watch this Gostkowski kid kick this postseason / the latter portion of the season? He has the exact same demeanor as Vinatieri, I don't see him missing a big kick either. Now the issue with losing Vinatieri does become a big issue in this game though, because he has replaced Vanderweenie, the Peyton Manning of Kickers. This upgrade could very well be the difference between a 2 point loss and a 1 point victory. Pats Game Plan The Pats in their first matchup decided to...

Did you know that Kenny Rogers was the pitcher? God damn he's old.

Oh who to root for on Sunday. I'm not a fan of either team and I have spent the past decade disliking both teams. How do I break this down and choose which hated squad to lean towards come sunday? Is it possible to watch a game and be completely neutral? Should I be immoral and root for dual QB injuries? Which Coach To Hate More? Annoying Sweatshirt Toter: Genius. Enough of the Genius. I can't root for anything Belichick, he pulled a Nick Saban on the Jets leading to a year with bumbling idiot Al Groh and its been completely forgotten. Success does that, overshadows any negatives or character flaws. The Losers Face: Come on how funny are the faces of Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning after the big playoff failure. Tony Dungy looks like a sad puppy on the sidelines when Vanderweenie used to miss big field goals, imagine what he'll look like if Vinatieri misses a big time field goal. Which QB To Hate More? Enough of the Dreamboat: If you're not a Pats fan how could you ro...

I just find how much he owns Roddick as hilarious and how after he hits ridiculous shots his opponents just shake their heads and start laughing in disbelief.

In a move that had to make Danny Ainge drool the Pacers have traded Al Harrington, Stephen Jackson, Sarunas Jasikevicius and Josh Powell for Troy Murphy, Mike Dunleavy, Ike Diogu and Keith McLeod. What happenned to the Pacers? The Pacers were a really good team a few years ago right before the brawl, they were arguably the best and at worst the second best team in the East and now what are they. Jermaine O'Neal and a bunch of guys that aren't very good. What the hell was the point in going out and signing Al Harrington during free agency. They have a winning record now and are positioned in the playoffs? I guess they don't mind trading away 3 of their top 6 scorers. Um Ok. And the Warriors with big Don Nelson have stopped killed Troy Murphy and his fantasy value and Dunleavy stinks so I see the deal from the talent standpoint, but you really think Stephen Jackson is going to do anything but tank team chemistry? You think makes you a viable playoff team. Um how abou...

Aka the Coolest. Hopefully you were lucky enough to throw on ESPN 2 last night to catch Oklahoma St. vs. Texas which was certainly the most entertaining basketball game of this calendar year and finished 105-103 in triple OT . Personally myself I had finished up watching the episode of Rome, which I missed on Sunday due to 24, at 11 and turned on ESPN 2 and figured I would just watch the closing seconds of the game and then hit the sac. But fortunately my sleep was delayed for another hour. I Missed It But Sportscenter Didn't If you watched Sportscenter this morning and caught the Top 10, then you saw a freakish three from Byron Eaton on a heave ho hook from out of bounds after an arrant pass and the shot clock running to zero. It's ESPY worthy. You could try for days and not hit that shot. Down 5 with 55 Seconds That's when I flipped on the game, coming right back from a timeout the Longhorns had the ball down 5 and got the ball to Kevin Durant for a long three from h...

Absolutely, I am getting disgusted with people who go out and say that not winning a championship does not diminish your legacy of a player. Um ya it does. What's the goal of a football season again? Make the Probowl right? No how about holding up that shiny football on a pole at the end of the year. The best part of Sunday Countdown was when Tom Jackson was trying to make an argument about how Marty Schottenheimer is still a great coach and he brought up the play where Three Day Old Cheeseburger made a shoe string tackle. Without that the Steelers would not have won a championship. So he turns to Jaws and goes if Cheeseburger does not make that tackle and Cowher did not win a championship is he any less of a coach. And Jaws hilariously goes 'Yes, Absolutely'. Jackson starts shaking his head as he was trying to make a loser point, and he was completely denied by Jaws. Than Jaws went into a rant about how he lost Superbowl XV and he's less of a QB because of it. ...

I went to school in Mass so all my buddies are Pats fans, aka douche bags, well this is how much they think of LT right now.

Wow You Guys Suck: Baltimore Offense, And yet again the Colts defense looks good for no reason other than the inaffectiveness of their opposing offense. Steve McNair was absolutely horrendous. Their offensive line gave up a few very poorly timed sacks, and their coordinator avoided the run despite Jamal Lewis picking up over 4 yards per carry. Runner Up: Seattle secondary gave up two huge passes where the safety just let the receiver get over the top including the clinching catch by Davis. Cough Cough Cough: Seattle Seahawks Offense, 3rd and short its what you work for on 1st and 2nd downs to get a manageable 3rd and short, yet the Seahawks were pathetic on 3rd and short. How could you close the game going 0 for 6 on 4rd and 3 or less, and also choke on a 4th and 1. Continually running Shaun Alexander directly into the Bears front seven when they expect it doesn't usually work. Runner Up: 2nd and 1 from the 4 and the Eagles proceeded to get stuffed badly and even lost 2 yar...

I couldn't stop laughing for minutes. God football is sweet.

I'm going to have to say that next time he might rethink his kissing technique and he'll probably try to be a little more sensual and go with a full open mouthed kiss.

Save the best for last NFL, I appreciate your kindness. For the neutral fan this has got to be the most interesting game, the best postseason QB of the generation versus the coolest and most talented player in the NFL. And to think after this game finishes 24 will start minutes later, oh glorious sunday. Steroids over Golden Boy In their attempt to blitz the shit out of Tom Brady, the Jets hit him approximately twice. Pretty much a miserable failure on their part. Now will the Chargers try a similar blitzing approach or will they rely on the Pencil Headed Bear , Shawne Merriman, for a pass rush. My guess is they show more looks and mix between blitz and straight 4 man rush especially after watching the Pats so routinely pick up the blitz last week. Dream Hasn't Come to Fruition My Dream of Tom Brady getting run over by a monster truck has not come to fruition and that does not bode well for the team hailing from a Whale's Vagina. Last week Brady picked apart the Jets sec...

So I'm sitting here enjoying my fruit salad listening to the boisterous Stephen A. Smith on 1050 ESPN radio and there is some sad news. Less Stephen A. in my and your life. He announced on his radio show that his ESPN 2 nightly show Quite Frankly is over all done. Basically he expressed how he didn't get the job done, aka get big numbers. Then he went off on a tangent and tried to express how Coughlin should fess up to his failure in a similar fashion. I truly enjoy Stephen A.'s random parallels. Quite Frankly was just another idea ESPN had to branch out that was eventually bound for failure. I can handle Stephen A. more than most, but the show at its timeslot, a slot Stephen A. thought would work because it was on in primetime on the west, had limited chance of succeeding. Faced off against the juggernaut of sports broadcasting, Sportscenter, which program did you choose to watch? I pretty much always chose Sportscenter to see some heighlight I missed. But don't...

I saw this a few years ago on Discovery if I had the Testicle Fortitude to do this stuff I think I would. Anyway I was tryign to find the DVD today, could only find it on Ebay for $70 bucks and I ain't spending that much for it.

An 8 1/2 point spread? Wow, apparently Vegas is on the Chicago Bears love train. I understand that the Seahawks really should have lost last week, but 8 1/2 points with captain inconsistancy at QB, really? 27, 31, 21, 26 These are the point totals the Chicago Bears opponents have put up in the past 4 games. What does this 4 game segment overlap? The games Tommie Harris has missed. Coincidence? Absolutely not. Tommie Harris is an absolutely dominant defensive tackle who clears out blocks helping Urlacher, Briggs and Hillenmeyer flow untouched to the running back. Tommie Harris in the first matchup against the Seahawks, 2 Sacks for a total of 20 yards lost, thats a big influence that the Bears will have to cope without. 2005 MVP In the first matchup between these squads the Seahawks were without their MVP and it showed. In Maurice Morris' first game as a starter he gained a measely 35 yards on 11 carries and was in essence a non-factor. Now I know Alexander hasn't regain...

I think Ali G is worth closer to $500 mill than Beckham, I enjoy how his "Africa" jacket has a picture of Italy on it.

Colts vs. Ravens Defense vs. Offense. The Poster QB vs. the Poster Linebacker. The Hated Moving Truck Colts back in Baltimore. A lot of interesting storylines in this battle. Steve McNair Big Game QB Steve McNair has 5 playoff victories under his belt, aka more than Peyton Manning, and is viewed by all as a clutch playoff performer. But is that necessarily true, his career passing numbers are not very impressive, 6 tds to 9 ints, and while his 6 additional rushing tds add some pep to his performances, this is not the Steve McNair of 2000, this is the Steve McNair whose suffered injury after injury for 7 consecutive seasons, his legs are not as big a weapon as they once were. Dungy Factor During his time with both Tampa Bay and Indy , Tony Dungy has amounted a total of 6 wins. 6-8 if you must know the exact record. How many of those wins have come on the road, 1 against the Kansas City Chiefs, aka a team with no defense, during the 2003 season. So as a Colt fan what would give you ...

Remember when Hammer had one big song then proceeded to go out by a ludicrous mansion and every car imaginable then he didn't do another thing good and soon had to file for bankruptcy. Well, the MLS is apparently following in Hammer's footsteps, absent the one major hit, and have decided to fork over approximately $250 million dollars over 5 seasons for David Beckham. Yes, you read that correctly, an estimated 50 million dollars per season, for a player who was recently bumped off his National team. In essence Beckhams contract of $50 million per would make him the highest paid team athlete in america in the least popular sport, and would have him earning more money than every other player in the MLS combined. Yes, combined. And what exactly is this going to bring the MLS is my question. I mean I could understand a 10 million dollar a year contract or something along those measures, for the most famous, yet certainly not the most skilled, soccer player in the world. But 5...

The Chargers organization has decided to restrict the sale of their Divisional Playoff Game against the Patriots to people with Credit Card Addresses in the Southern California area. And well some Pat fans are not so pleased with this restriction. My opinion, tough shit Pats fans. The Chargers can sell their tickets to whomever they want. Sure it seems awfully pathetic that the Chargers fans won't flock to Ticketmaster and scoop up these tickets in a matter of minutes (I looked for Pats tickets last week on the Wednesday the 3rd and standing room only was $100 bones) but this is their franchise's best chance ever to win a Superbowl. So what if establishing a half way decent homefield advantage requires front office work not required by any other team. It's friggin San Diego what do you expect, you can sit outside and relax any time in January in New England we're jumping up and down with joy over the fact we haven't gotten any snow yet. Hell if you read further...