Illegal Assault, Always Fun

Wednesday, January 31, 2007



Hey, we established I was heartless a few days ago, the guy lived he's fine now, it's been a bunch of years, I think its ok to get a chuckle out of it.

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That Ain't Your Cake Philip

It's my f'n cake... The greatest commercial franchise of all time, hands down.

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Pain and Torture of Buying Yankees Tickets

So I'm headed into work this morning and I here on the 20/20 update machine on 1050 espnradio that Yankees single game tickets go on sale today. Sweet, I got this, first time I actually remembered to do this and I'm going to get a bunch of Red Sox and Mets tickets. Hell I even have two computers at work I'll just punch everything in at 10 on the dot and zip there will be a bunch of games sitting on my lap. Or not. See those screen shots ya thats the what I had staring me in the face for countless minutes, pain and torture. I had my Internet Explorer going and my FireFox going, yet it didn't appear to help. All I did was stare at those searching screens forever.

It took under 30 minutes for the opening series of the Red Sox to have only single tickets available.

Prior to 10 I looked at the schedule and saw that the Mets were playing in Yankee stadium on Fathers day, well thats certainly the perfect gift, so I focused mose of my attention on that, only to get denied on every day. Boourns. You want to know what failure looks like its that screen shot to the right.

In the end I was able to get Red Sox tickets on a Monday night, where with my great luck it will either be the season finale of 24 or I will have class that night anyway, the final home game of the season versus the Blue Jays on a sunday when my luck the Jets will be playing the Pats or someone cool at the same time and Sunday July 1st versus the A's (I like their pitching staff)in the Alcohol Free Section. I suck at this, Ugh...

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Loser of the Week: Jeff Frazee

Tuesday, January 30, 2007



Loser of the Week: Jeff Frazee Sophomore Goaltender for the Minnesota Golden Gophers

Um ya so you suck at what you do, you're gonna have to ship that one out to the NHL scouts, they'll have you signed up in no time. Had to provide a picture of him to expose his face, a faceless man can not be embarrassed. Hope you get over this one big fella.

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Back When Hockey was Cool



My favorite part of this one is the fact that he basically wasn't alive after the hit, somehow he had the game winning goal later in the game, but Stevens is still cooler.

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Blasting Danny Cause No One Else Is

The Sportsguy repeatedly beats on Doc Rivers so do the papers, and believe me I have my problems with Rivers as well, but I'm hear to knock Danny Ainge. I'm done with laying everything on Doc and Danny going scot free and I am petitioning anyone reading this to go to the Can Danny site to voice their opinion as to why Danny is blowing it. Let's take a look at some of Danny's moves...

Antoine Walker Tony Delk for Raef Lafrentz, Jiri Welsch, Chris Mills and 2004 1st Round Pick (Delone West)- Danny came in and immediately said that he didn't want to trade Antoine Walker, and Walker came into camp not fat for the first time in the new millennium, playing great in the preseason and Danny decided to split up Walker and Pierce for really no good reason at all and gained one overpayed stiff, Lafrenz, and a guy in Welsh that they could never figure out what to do with in Mills. To his credit this trade isn't completely horrible as Delonte appears to be a promising role player in the future, but at the time it significantly worsened the team. Jiri Welsch was later dumped to the Cavs for a future fist rounder (2007), destined to be in the 20s. Honestly, at the time Delk was a key contributor to the Celtics as well, but his career tanked once he left so who knows what would have happened with another two years in a Cs jersey. I advocated dumping Walker after his terrible postseason in 2003 but not for friggin Raef Lafrentz

Re-Acquiring Walker - Walker was reacquired in 2005 and seemed to be playing inspired basketball helping lead the Celtics to the division crown, and fans really liked him again, including me who wanted him gone after 03. You remember the ridiculous #88 he sported for a few weeks Then he was unceremoniously dumped in the offseason for nothing absolutely nothing.

Ricky Davis, Mark Blount & Marcus Banks for Wally, Kandi Man - This hasn't worked at all, Ricky Davis was playing his best ball of his career at the time and in turn the C's got Wally who is perennially hurt. (To give some credit the trade to get Ricky Davis was a steal although Eric Williams was a key contributor to the Celtics toughness in 2003, the talent exchange was well worth it). This deal on the other hand saddled them with the useless Kandi Man and while I hated Mark Blount but he was atleast more serviceable than Kandi. The only possible saving grace of this trade is that they did receive a 1st round Draft pick in the deal

Draft Picks - This has been Danny's strong suit, well up until last years draft, as the Celtics have never had a top pick yet Danny has taken some gambles and gotten some people with talent in later positions. Al Jefferson just recently turned 21 and is averaging a double double in his third season and from the 15th selection it certainly was a very good pick. Ryan Gomes was very good value in the 2nd round. Delonte was a very good pick at 24, Tony Allen if he was given a brain might be a value pick at 25. But here's the problem, he's infused the team with so many High School kids and so little experienced college kids that the team has just tanked since the Pierce injury, mostly due to complete inexperience and Danny's reliance on a team which came into the season with Pierce Wally's World and a bunch of 24 and unders. One other negative is that he traded for Marcus Banks who was a massive bust, and only started playing mildly well, right before being dealt to the T-Wolves.

Rondo Draft Pick - The Celtics were blatantly in need of a pure point guard and when buying the Suns 21st pick one sat there undrafted, that player was not Rondo, it was Marcus Williams. But the Celtics went with the player who had all the physical traits but no ability to shoot and less passing skills. Super. By the way Marcus Williams has 4 consecutive double digit scoring games for a better team with many more offensive options.

Blazers Off-Season Deal -This deal was inexcusable. He dumped Lafrentz, yes we all know he sucked, for Ratliff who had one less year on the contract, yippy, and then he pardoned with the #7 pick, the highest pick in his tenure, for Sebastian Telfair, a bum, who isn't even playing right now on an injury riddled roster. The #7 pick was moved with cash for Brandon Roy by the Blazers. SO instead of having Brandon Roy the front runner for rookie of the year we have Bassy who's scored 12 points in the last 6 games cause he doesn't play anymore. Smart.

I hated both those decisions on draft day and I still hate them now.

Theme to Danny's Reign

His value on draft picks is the major theme to Danny's time as GM as the Celtic, with each trade he has made he has attempted to accumulate draft picks and provide Pierce with some useful talent around him. While he has found some solid players in no traditional spots in the draft he has yet to hit a superstar. He also has spent way too much time shuffling the Celtics roster with the many trades and not allowed any cohesiveness which is not helped by him continuing to employ Doc Rivers who is hands down the worst coach in the NBA with substitutions. I understand the injury to Pierce has tanked this team, but I am unsure if Danny Ainge or Doc Rivers should be the beneficiaries of the possible drafting of Oden or Durant. It just might be time to clean the executive house.

P.S. Atleast if you're in Boston you get to look forward for the remainder of watching the youthful Celtics play at the TD Bank Garden., where they are a phenomenal 4-17 this season. Ugh.

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Defending Hockey's Honor

Monday, January 29, 2007

Well mostly because I feel bad that it's on it's last legs I'm going to advocate Hockey for a bit and applaud it for its commendable attributes, for instance Legal Assault.

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Bud Bowl 2

Well since it's SuperBowl week I figured I'd throw together some YouTube clips of my favorite ads from past Superbowls (probably one a day) and start with my childhood favorite the BudBowl.





How friggin lame were those things, man as an 8 year old I friggin loved those commercials, maybe their propaganda childhood powers worked as I typically drink Bud Light when I want to guzzle down beers and not enjoy them.

Anybody else have a favorite ad that I most likely will forget in the few days.

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Call Me Heartless If You Want

But Barbaro was Euthanized this morning and I really could care less. I would assume that millions of horses die everyday and we don't cry about it. I'm sure there will be a few Sportscenter spots during this next week and then we will never hear about Barbaro again until the next big time racing horse breaks his leg during the Triple Crown. And I'm more than fine with this after last years overload of information as to whether Barbaro was doing fine or what risky procedure they were going to perform, how his hoof was doing, I don't f'n care. Sucks for his owners, who would have made a boatload on stud fees, and sucks for Barbaro, imagine a life where all you have to do is sit back eat and bang women who have the best genes in the world. Tough life. But ya I don't care.

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Time to Laugh at the NHL

You might be hard pressed to find someone who feels worse about their current job today in the whole United States than Gary Bettman. Why? Well the NHL's All Star Game, which should act like a showcase for the league, was watched by well, almost no Americans at all. A whopping 474,000 households tuned into Versus last Wednesday for the 12-9 All Star Game shootout, down 76% from the 1,985,000 households in 2004, the last All Star Game played. That's pathetic.

From USA Today here's a list of programs that defeated the All Star game in ratings:

HGTV's Design on a Dime
Discovery's Myth Busters
Bravo's Top Chef
Food Network's Ace of Cakes
TV Land's Andy Griffith Show.

The Andy Griffith show not only defeated the All Star game in ratings it destroyed it, with 85% more viewers than the All Star Game. For those that don't know the Andy Griffith show last aired a new episode in 1968. Go, NHL.

Perhaps it was the Network the Game was on, Versus, who has it? Perhaps the fact they played it on a Wednesday Night against America Idol? Perhaps its just another sign that the NHL is dieing.

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Emphasizing the Tennis Jesus Beatdown

Friday, January 26, 2007



Just decided I wanted video highlights of Roddick getting destroyed up, cause I find it hilarious.

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Chicks Dig the Longball



Possibly the greatest commercial of all time. Feel Bigger?

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I Hate Duke

Watch the first video, than watch the second.





Now you're angry aren't you?

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I Hate All Star Voting


It's a little pet peave of mine and typically I don't watch the All-Star game anyway, but nothing annoys me more than how the starting lineups of the All-Star games get chosen. It's a chicken or the egg debate for me, do I not care because of the voting process, or does my not caring for the game make me hate the voting process more, who the hell knows. All I know is that personally the voting annoys me. Needless to say I disagree with yesterday's selections. Here's a few things I think need to be done.

Fans Voting

I despise the fan vote in basically every situation, it's simple most fans have no idea what's going on in this years NBA and simply come to vote for one particular player and default pick the remaining roster with names they are familiar with. It happens in every sport and the end result is the 2 best players this season in the NBA, Nash and Nowitzki, somehow not starting in the All Star game? The two frontrunners for MVP, no All Star Game start, that makes sense, thanks NBA Fans, you guys are intelligent. Please just let the players, coaches and media decide who deserves to play in this game and keep the moronic fan out of it.

Eliminate the Center Vote

Tons of teams around the NBA don't play a prototype center anyway. Why jumble up and mandate one of the starting spots to goes to someone over 7 feet tall? In the end we end up with Yao and Shaq receiving every single vote anyway despite neither being healthy for long enough to deserve an all star spot. They don't mandate that any of the backups be Centers so why the starters? Just jumble up all power forwards into the Center position as well, it makes a ton more sense and would allow someone like Tim Duncan to make the start lineup without the expense of having someone like Dirk Nowitzki miss it. If the starting lineup doesn't dictate the need for a point guard than why a center?

All Star Game Wrapup

In the end it doesn't really matter, I won't watch much of it and even if the correct people were voted in I probably wouldn't anyway, I guess I'm just disillusioned with the whole thing. So fans I hope you enjoy Shaq in the All Star Game despite the fact he's played about 12 games this season.

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A Change of Scenery is Necessary

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Major League Baseball

1. Matt Clement - I mean he was never that good but with the Red Sox, well he might as well continue what he did last season, see it the dugout and never go to the mound.

2. Carl Pavano - See above note about Clement and multiply it by 2.

3. Alex Rodriguez - Already been talked about enough but him, the bronx, and yankees fans don't mesh well.

4. Ken Griffey Jr. - I think it's about time we get Griffey to a plae where he perhaps could make the playoffs and a world series, in Cincy he's been an injury trainwreck and so has the team.

5. Barry Bonds - Needs to just fade away.

National Basketball Association

1. Ray Allen - I don't think anyone in America gets to appreciate just how good Ray Allen is since he is stuck in Seattle with a team that doesn't know how to spell defense.

2. Hawks Management - They need to head to the scrap heap because they are terrible. Sum it up, none of their draft picks have developed into all stars and their best player, Joe Johnson, came at the expense of Boris Diaw and two first round draft picks, as well as shelling out a max contract to someone that really isn't deserving of it, despite his talents.

3. Jermaine O'Neal - The Pacers have purged the rest of the teammates from the brawl and cast a bunch of white overrated players around him. It just might be time for the Pacers to move the last brawl link for their sake and for Jermaine's.

4. Kevin Garnett - This one is obvious the Timberwolves have not surrounded him with an all-star talent since the days of Starbury and the Timberwolves have just plummeted since they wouldn't feed Sprewell's family. No man should have to live in Minnesota for more than 10 years, time for you to be shipped somewhere warm.

5. Chris Bosh - One of the best young players in the league stuck in Toronto? Ya that sounds fair , ugh.

6. Danny Ainge & Doc Rivers - Somewhere other than Boston por favor.

National Football League

1. Matt Millen - For the sake of all people in Michigan resign already, for the sake of the rest of the people of America who find this hilarious, draft another wideout.

2. Al Davis - Enough with the burying of your franchise and more with the burying of...

3. Randy Moss - Speaking of Raiders Randy Moss definately needs to move out of town, he's ruining his legacy by doing absolutely nothing in the past two years.

4. Michael Vick - Vick's been in Atlanta for long enough and the success rate seems to get worse with each season it's probably time for him and Atlanta to part ways.

5. Roy Williams - Roy had a great season last year with the Lions and has been good ever since his draft out of Texas, someone needs to get the one wide receiver pick that worked out in Detroit, out of there.

6. Andre Johnson - Same thing, great wideout talent in a place where they can't protect their QB long enough for him to show his complete talent package.

7. Jerry Jones - You run a Hall of Fame coach out of town because you're reluctant to dump on T.O., perhaps you should rethink how much participation you have in the decision making process of your team.

National Hockey League

Unlike the rest of the leagues Hockey needs a change of scenery on levels far higher than players.

1. Television Contract - Friggin Versus? Who gets that channel? Your All-Star was on a network that no one gets, and you expect your game to survive. Good move.

2. Thrashers, Blue Jackets, Predators etc. - Go back to the lack of existance status of the early 90's prior to the NHL's massive and useless expansion period.

2. All Star Game - A Wednesday Night? You serious? You know there's no football this weekend right? Relocate to said weekend, when nothing is on.

3. Gary Bettman - Sorry dude but Hockey has plummetted in American fans eyes under your reigh, perhaps it's time to move on, you did not have the same success as your mentor David Stern.

5. Whalers - Bring back the Whale baby.

So who'd I miss...

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Dreaming of a Celtics Christmas in June

With the Celtics riding a 9 game losing streak and no sign of Pierce or Wally World returning anytime soon, as well as Tony Allen tearing up his ACL, hell even Big Al sprained his ankle last night, but pardon me if I spend the next Celtics broadcast dreaming of Christmas in June.

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6-4 6-0 6-2

And the beatdown was concluded. 6-0 Andy? You couldn't even win one of your service games? Don't you serve 135 miles per hour. And if you think 6-0 happens that often with Federer or anyone for that matter it doesn't, Federer only won 18 sets last year 6-0 and of course lead the tour in Bageled sets. And to top it off Roddick only scored 6 points the entire set, for those tennis illiterates that means every time they had a rally for the whole set Roddick only managed to win 6 times. Pathetic. It was the first time he's ever been bageled in his 25 career major appearances. Too bad for Roddick, if Federer was never around he'd probably have 5 major titles and go down as one of the best American Tennis Players Ever, instead he's got 1 and will go down as unfulfilled potential, and considering Federer's dominance over him there's no reason to believe he will ever beat Federer in a big spot again.

Some match facts provided by Aussie Open.com and ESPN.com

•Federer hit 45 winners to Roddick's 11
•Federer won 83 points to the American's 45
•The match lasted just one hour and 23 minutes
•Federer sent down 10 aces to four
•Federer won 10 points at the net to Roddick's nine, but the American approached 20 more times
•Federer is on a 35 match winning streak.

Best Ever

After Federer dismantles either Haas or Gonzalez in the finals what more will he have to do to be proclaimed the best tennis player of all time. He is the most dominant player in any sport this millenium and possibly ever. He only loses to Nadal on clay thats it and as soon as he gets past that hump he'll almost certainly win the French and the career grandslam. He's already made the finals at the French something Sampras never did, and he's 3 Grand Slams in a single year twice, something that Sampras never did either. And to think the guy is only 25.

Anyway here's Federer dismantling Sampras at their Wimbeldon meeting back in the day.

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Roddick vs. Tennis Jesus

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Too bad this friggin match will be shown at sometime around 3 am cause boy do I enjoy the whooping Federer usually brings when he plays Roddick as he has won 13 of 15 career matches against Roddick including a 9 match winning streak which ended 10 days ago a the site of an exhibition final, so I'm not really sure that counts.

Here are some other stats to throw out there:

~Federer hasn't lost to anyone not named Nadal in a Grand Slam 2 years ago to the round when he lost to Safin in a thrilling semifnal match in the 2005 Aussie Open.

~Roddick is 2-9 versus top ten players in his Grand Slam career, picking up his second win earlier this tourny.

~Federer has beaten Roddick in 6 tournament finals losing only two sets, one in their first Wimbledon meeting the other coming in last years US Open Final.

Roddick actually has looked pretty damn good so far this tournament and if he plays like he has been this week he has a chance, but he always chokes when he faces Federer, and then Federer abuses him for an hour, I would expect more of the same tonight.

Anyway, no one really cares about tennis except me. Unless they played matches to the death on the helipad court, then I think people would be interested.

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Do Not Trust Tattoo Artists in South America

In Soccer News a fan of the Argentinian Domestic Club from Buenos Aires, Boca Juniors, decided that it was about time he showed his pride so he went down to the local tattoo artist to get it done. Well he made a big mistake as to which parlor he chose for the one he chose housed a huge fan of River Plate, a rival team from Buenos Aires. The tattoist was annoyed by this request and refused to proceed with the Boca Juniors tattoo, however, he did not mention this to the teenager laying down on the tattoo table. Instead he decided to tattoo a penis on the back of the unsuspecting teenager and since this tattoo parlor had no mirror the teenager had no idea what was being placed on his back.

"I could not see what he was tattooing because he didn't have a mirror. I only saw it when I got home and showed it to my parents.," said the victim.

Now thats classic, so next time you plan to head to the Bronx to get yourself a Red Sox tattoo perhaps you should think twice.

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Off Topic: Borat Screwed

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

So the Oscar nominations came out and basically I wish they were a meaningless award as A) They never have any movie involved that I have ever seen. B) Any movie that I later see I typically do not enjoy. C) They royally screwed over Borat this year. Maybe some people didn't like it, maybe some people thought it was offensive, but it was by far the best and most enjoyable movie of the year. Granted I don't have much to compare it to as I do not engulf myself in the movie theatre. But if it's good enough to win him a Golden Globe for best actor than maybe he should atleast gotten a nod.

I only saw one of the Best Picture Nominees, the Departed, and I enjoyed it far more than I enjoyed the Departed, which I thought was good, but did not live up to my expectations.

I hate the Oscars.

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Still Think Belichick is Totally Classy?



I'm sorry but he's no different than any other person, when he loses he's not a good sport. He does not exemplify class.

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Raiders Sign Toddler as Next Coach

I know everyone loves to pound on Al Davis for being senile and amazingly dumb enough to sign Art Shell for a second term and above all allow a guy running a bed and breakfast to run his offense last season, but hey atleast he's hopped on the NFL trend band wagon of signing a young hot genius coordinator. So what if he bucked the trend and hired Lane Kiffin, a young 'genius' coordinator from college with a single year of NFL experience, and so what if he's only 31. Wait what? The guy is 31, is a college coordinator, has a single year of NFL experience and you're giving him your head coaching job? Ok so typically college coaches shit the bed in the NFL, now you're going with the extreme of a college coordinator. Al Davis has officially lost his mind. Perhaps he was interviewing Lane, while looking at his father Monte, defensive coordinator of the Bucs, resume? That would make sense right. His only year of NFL coaching experience was as the Jaguars Defensive Quality Control Coach in 2000 when he was 25, what do you think he did there hand out jock straps and watch film? Perhaps this will work but perhaps you should have gone with someone with a bit more experience Al, someone who's more than 2 years older than Randy Moss, perhaps your 2nd worst run franchise in the league should have hired a proven NFL coach. Just saying.

It is quite humurous how Steve Sarkisian went no thank you last week and almost immediately they just went down the USC Trojan line and signed Kiffin. What if Kiffin would have denied him? Would they have just filtered through the USC offensive coaching staff from Ted McNair to Brennan Carrol to maybe even a player coach like Dwayne Jarrett until someone accepted the job? I think so.

To add to the hilarity of this signing, Kiffin was a top candidate for the University of Minnesota job, but didn't get it. Hmm didn't get a middle of the pack Big 10 job, but got an NFL job, makes sense.

Al Davis Hiring Coaches = Matt Millen Drafting 1st Round Picks

Potential Vick Trade

My buddy sent me a rumor that the Raiders were thinking about trading their #1 pick, Jerry Porter and Randy Moss for Vick and the Falcons #10 pick. I say do it for both teams. The Raiders have no offense, directly because their QB sucks, Vick has proven he can win games with zero wide receivers. Jerry Porter and Randy Moss need to get out of Oakland terribly. Vick would give Raiders fans something to look forward to, he's the ideal Raider and he's better than either Quinn or Russell, neither of whom I'm convinced will be great in the NFL.

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And You Thought the Peyton Manning Face Was Great

Monday, January 22, 2007

Well Now introducing you to the Reche Caldwell face...



Now thats a classic.

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Championship Game Playoff Awards

Wow You Guys Suck: Reche Caldwell, Finally the whole not a goto receiver caught up with the Patriots as Reche Caldwell really stunk. He dropped a wide open touchdown pass which he was luckily bailed out the play later when Gaffney made a phenomenal catch in the back of the endzone, and then he dropped the pass when no one lined up against him and he would have been guaranteed about 8 yards, which could have possibly lead to a td instead of the field goal they had to settle for on that possession because after the dropped pass they didnt get the necessary yardage. Not solid Reche. Runner Up: Don't want to beat a dead horse but Fred Thomas needs to reevaluate how he covers guys, because he really doesn't.

Cough Cough Cough: Patriots Defense, They played so well in the first half, a Pick 6, a ton of beautiful deep pass knock downs, shutting down the run, and then the second half came. And then they were useless. They provided the Colts with countless momentum after giving up touchdowns on their opening drives of the second half. Runner Up: Pats run game was yet again non-existant against the Colts, or was it Dillon did average 7 yards a carry, apparently he didn't deserve the ball.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Drew Brees and Sean Payton, At the goalline why not run a few running plays? You were only down two had all the momentum in the world and instead of trying to get yourself some breathing room with a few runs up the gut from Deuce you go all pass plays. After the first one where Brees chucked it away in the face of pressure, and was only bailed out due to being out of the pocket, you didn't think the next play should have been a run? That safety swung the momentum of the game straight into the Bears hands. Did you see how pumped up Thomas Jones was on the sidelines after the play? That was the turning point, and the blame should fall on Brees and Payton. Runner Up: Why did Belichick only use one timeout when the Colts had the ball near the goalline when his team had not stopped them the whole game, even if Brady didn't throw an int his team offensive unit didn't have enough time to move the ball because Belichick saved those timeouts.

The Shocker: Blowing an 18 Point Lead, Brady and Belichick and an 18 point lead, you thought it was as good as over so did everyone else. Even after the Colts kicked the half ending field goal, you had to think that the Pats had the momentum because they thwarted the goaline effort. Yet the Pats came out of the locker room without a defense. Runner Up: McAllister only getting 6 carries throughout the whole game is shocking, the Seahawks abused them the week prior and the Saints didn't even try.

The Pimp: Peyton Manning, This was the game he needed, I guess all that annoying talk of him being due was right. Manning made one single mistake, a big one at that, but he lead his offense through the Pats defense in the second half like it was no big deal. The whole second half it felt as if there was nothing that was going to stop the Colts from getting the ball in the endzone. And with the exception of the possession where Manning and Wayne both fell down untouched by the Pats defense, nothing did stop them.Runner Up: Bears Defense turning the ball over left and right put his offense in great spots and even put up a momentum changing safety.

JAKKED Up: Terrence Mathis, got absolutely lit up on a kick off return by Larry Izo, a full speed head on collision is always beautiful.

Championship Extra Quick Notes

~Perhaps I'm the only one bringing this up but I thought there were some noteable penalties that went in complete favor of the Colts. Sure pass interference calls are always made when the Dback doesn't turn around and see the ball, but there was almost no contact on that play, shouldn't there be contact in order to call pass interference? I thought that call was lame. Furthermore, Jabar Gaffney got mugged in the endzone on a 3rd down pass which forced the Pats to settle for a field goal. I thought that was much worse than the endzone pass intereference they gave to the Colts, so what if he turned his head, the grabbing and clutching is what should matter on that call. Furthermore they pretty much stopped calling the lame Roughing the Quarterback penalty throughout the playoffs, then on the Colts final drive they call a blow to the head on a shot that obviously didn't even rattle Peyton Manning, he barely even moved. Its only a moderate side story but I just think the Pats got douched on those three calls.

~A player that would have gone down as a hero, but would have been unheralded even if the Saints won, would be Will Smith. Smith had multiple tackles for a loss, and was a big reason why the Bears run game sputtered in the early portion of the second half.

~Now people are saying that the Colts defense got it done? Huh? Why do people blame the defense when Peyton Manning stinks it up and they lose in the playoffs because of him, yet yesterday the Colts win was completely on the offenses shoulders yet the defense gets credited? Either credit the whole team, or pin the blame/credit on the people that deserve it.

~Asante Samuel is great, and a free agent, lets see if Bucko Bill decides he wants to keep him, he might go for it because he hates the Jets so much and probably knows Mangini, former Secondary coach of Asante, has the checkbook ready as the Jets have a lot of cap room and a desperate need for a shutdown corner.

~Gostkowski is a pimp, Bucko Bill made the right call there. This kid makes everything and hits bombs on kickoffs.

~Unmentioned in the loss, but the Pats special teams was dominant and really the big reason they stayed in the game in the second half.

~More fun for a Giants fan, watching Eli pass the ball or watching him cheer for Peyton? A questionable decision.

~Jabar Gaffney, why?

~I think the finger point Reggie gave on his td run motivated the Bears, and helped his QB get pounded.

~Brees wasn't accurate and his receivers weren't catching anything.

~The Bears game turned from a good close matchup to completely lame in an eye blink, I ate dinner instead of watching the last half of the 4th quarter.

~As for who I was rooting for I pretty much sat the fence the whole game and was simply rooting for the Colts to tie it up after the Pats took the field goal lead and then was hoping Brady got it done in the final drive. Neither happened, not surprising because...

~I'm 0 for 4 in teams that I really want to win games. Obviously I wanted the Jets to win, that didn't happen. I really wanted the Seahawks to beat the Bears, nope. I wanted the Belichick reign to end in a Whale's Vagina, nope. And I wanted the Saints to pull it off yesterday, ya no. Now I really need to mentally trick myself into cheering for the Colts, ugh.

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Breakin it Down: Bears vs. Saints

Friday, January 19, 2007

Some Story Lines

Dome Curse

No Dome team has made the Superbowl without homefield advantage. So that points to the Bears of course. However, I don't see the Saints as a tailor made and see the only person on their roster who might be hurt by playing on a field which appeared to cause a lot of missed footing to be Reggie Bush, who puts his body and feet at extreme angles which could easily lead to slips.

America's Interest

Anyone outside of Chicago rooting for the Bears? Well gamblers don't count. Sucks that this game is in Chicago, but atleast the neutral fan that shows up at the game will most likely be pulling for the Saints.

Soldier Field Memories

Drew Brees remembers Soldier Field well, it was there that Brees hit his low point, when Martyball gave up on him for the remainder of the season and went with Doug Flutie it was this final dagger in Soldier field that lead to the Philip Rivers draft choice and the Eli Manning saga. It is here where his biggest game as a pro is going to come.

Edge Battle

Quarterback: Saints - Big edge for the Saints obviously. Despite Brees pro career in San Diego and in a dome, he did spend 4 years in the miserable weather up in the Big 10 and should be accustomed to the weather. And we all know of Grossman's inconsistancies.

Running Backs: Saints - The Saints and Bears both have solid two team running backs but the Saints is by far more dynamic. Bush and McAllister give the Saints two unique and completely different skillsets and allow Payton and the offense to throw different combinations and looks at the defenses. Benson and Jones are never on the field at the same time and really do not differ that much in play.

Wide Receivers: Push - I don't know if Horn is coming back, if Horn plays than the advantage goes to the Saints, if not the advantage goes to the Bears. Berrian is a great deep threat and Muhsin is reliable. Henderson is the Saints deep threat and Colston is their reliable target, both are slightly worse than the Bears at those spots. But Horn would give them an added edge.

Tight Ends: Bears - I don't know the name of the Saints current Tight End probably cause they never use him / he's never in the game. Desmond Clark ain't great but he has had some decent games this season.

Special Teams: Bears - Bush is great, but Devin Hester has been the real deal on Special Teams, despite his struggles catching punts last week. Plus, Robbie Gould appears to have ice water in his veins.

Defense: Bears - I know I chimed in last week about how big of a loss Tommie Harris is, and I still believe that, but the Bears came up huge on the defensive end in the big spots last week and I don't see anything the Saints have done that have been overly impressive.

Coach: Saints - I'll take the bright young mind of Payton over the somber sidelines presence of Lovie Smith.

The Pick

This game to me is impossible to pick because you truly have no idea nore does he probably of how well Grossman is going to play. With the exception of his stupid fumble, where he should have taken a sack, Grossman played well last week. His interception wasn't even his fault. If he plays like last week they win, if he doesn't than they won't. I'll go on the won't side and I'm picking the feel good story Saints, I just feel without Tommie Harris and with the dual RB threat the Saints will pick up good yardage on the ground and be able to score more points than the inconsistant Grossman will.

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Breakin it Down: Pats vs. Colts

Some Story Lines

Dome Perfection

9-0 vs. 10-0 those are their respective marks. The Colts were undefeated at home this season, one of two, the other being the recently knocked off Chargers, while Tom Brady is undefeated during his entire career while playing in a dome. In fact Brady typically plays masterfully inside, minus negative conditions, and perfect footing. One of these marks is getting broken.

Vinatieri Effect

All this talk about losing Vinatieri being an incredible negative for the Pats is overblown. Have you watch this Gostkowski kid kick this postseason / the latter portion of the season? He has the exact same demeanor as Vinatieri, I don't see him missing a big kick either. Now the issue with losing Vinatieri does become a big issue in this game though, because he has replaced Vanderweenie, the Peyton Manning of Kickers. This upgrade could very well be the difference between a 2 point loss and a 1 point victory.

Pats Game Plan

The Pats in their first matchup decided to abandon the run. Last week they abandoned the run. If they Colts have been terrible all season but the past two weeks at stopping the run, and you would like to play ball control football one would think that the Pats would try much harder to establish the run and avoid a situation where Brady throws 51 passes.

Edge Battle

Quarterback: Pats - Brady is simply more clutch and a better performer in the playoffs.

Running Backs: Pats - Maroney and Dillon are better than Addai and Rhodes, throw in the fact that Faulk is an invaluable 3rd down back and this is a solid edge for the Pats.

Wide Receivers: Indy - I know Gaffney and Caldwell have played well, but lets put their play as directly corresponding to the QB throwing them the ball. The Colts have a big edge with Wayne and Harrison at this position.

Tight Ends: Push - Dallas Clark can be an impact player, or he can be overlooked. Same can be said for Graham or Watson.

Special Teams: Push - I like Vinatieri slightly more than Gostkowski on field goals, but Sauerbraun has been big on field position in recent weeks, and Gostkowski has a booming leg on kickoffs. Neither team has a particularly dynamic returner.

Defense: Pats - Lets not overblow the fact that the Colts shutdown two bad offenses and think that they are all of a sudden a great defense. They're not. The Pats gave up the least amount of points this season in the Belichick era, they're good and they might get Harrison back.

Coach: Pats - You've got to be an idiot to take Dungy.

The Pick

Brain vs. Gut thats the issue with this pick. My gut has led me to pick the Colts the past two weeks and has me feeling that this just might be the year that the Colts get over the hump for the sole reason that no one gave them a chance this playoffs. My brain is overwhelmingly telling me to ignore this feeling. Telling me that this is the same Peyton Manning that continually lets down in the postseason, this is the same Belichick and Brady that continually steps up in these exact scenarios, these are the Pats they find a way to win in the end. And since i'm more analytical than spontaneous the brain is kicking the gut feeling out the window and unfortunately I'm picking the Pats to win. Gag.

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Classic Sports Moment: Jose Canseco Using His Head



Did you know that Kenny Rogers was the pitcher? God damn he's old.

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The Neutral Fans Plight

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Oh who to root for on Sunday. I'm not a fan of either team and I have spent the past decade disliking both teams. How do I break this down and choose which hated squad to lean towards come sunday? Is it possible to watch a game and be completely neutral? Should I be immoral and root for dual QB injuries?

Which Coach To Hate More?

Annoying Sweatshirt Toter: Genius. Enough of the Genius. I can't root for anything Belichick, he pulled a Nick Saban on the Jets leading to a year with bumbling idiot Al Groh and its been completely forgotten. Success does that, overshadows any negatives or character flaws.

The Losers Face: Come on how funny are the faces of Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning after the big playoff failure. Tony Dungy looks like a sad puppy on the sidelines when Vanderweenie used to miss big field goals, imagine what he'll look like if Vinatieri misses a big time field goal.

Which QB To Hate More?

Enough of the Dreamboat: If you're not a Pats fan how could you root for Tom Brady? Hasn't he had enough friggin success already? 3 Superbowls, constant comparisons to Joe Montana and the greatest quarterbacks of all time, dated hot ass Bridget Moynahan for years and is now rumoured to have Gisele all over him? Guys got everything any man could ever desire, and you want to root for him to get more? So what if he's classy and says all the right things, so does Derek Jeter, that doesn't stop the majority of baseball fans from wishing him failure, how is Brady any different? Tons of championships (3 to 4), hot girlfriends (Gisele to Jessica Biel), these guys have enough they don't need neutral fans pulling for them.

Hilarity of Peyton's Failures: I don't know about you but I find the whole Peyton Manning can never succeed in a big spot quite humurous. Why root for him to come through against the Pats? Will you not find humor in a 3 interception performance? Perhaps it's my dislike for all things University of Tennessee, but I found it funny when Peyton couldn't beat the Gators, resulting in quotes like "You Can't Spell Citrus without UT" from Spurrier, and I find it funny how poorly he performs in the big spot in the pros.

Every Ad a Peyton Ad: So Peyton Manning already seems like he's in every Ad during a football game, and thats as a proven playoff loser. What kind of apocolyptic ratio of Peyton to non Peyton Ads on sunday afternoons be once he wins a Superbowl? His image might as well be laser engraved into your retinas.

The Best Ever Debate

Pats Trifecta: If the Pats win this Superbowl they will lay clame to being the greatest dynasty in Football history and Bill Belichick will anchor himself into the position of greatest coach ever. This would make me vomit. Atleast now you could make the case for the 90s Cowboys or 70s Steelers, but a 4th Superbowl in the this era of the NFL, easily puts the Pats over the top and would add another reason for myself to vacate New England. If Brady wins a 4th Superbowl that puts him as the greatest playoff quarterback of all time, bar none. And he's still got plenty of years to position himself as the greatest QB of all time, come on. Where's the Monster Truck when you need it?

Best QB Ever: Do you really want Peyton Manning one step closer to that Best QB Ever Tag? Honestly? He's choked in pretty much every big spot his entire college and pro career. Hell Tee Martin won the National Championship right after Peyton went to the pros. If he wins a the AFC Championship game are you prepared for a Sportscenter Segment everyday surrounding Peyton's credentials as greatest of all time? I know I'm not.

The Final Decision

In a Dreamworld: A Natural Disaster eliminating both teams would solve all of these issues.

Go NFC Well the conclusion is that I don't care who wins this game, too many negatives on both sides for my to choose. Perhaps I'll just root for whichever team goes down in the first half and just hope for a good game. But I do know that come February 4th I will be rooting for the Bears or Saints with all my might.

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Do Not F With Tennis Jesus





I just find how much he owns Roddick as hilarious and how after he hits ridiculous shots his opponents just shake their heads and start laughing in disbelief.

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Massively Useless Deal from the Pacers and Warriors

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

In a move that had to make Danny Ainge drool the Pacers have traded Al Harrington, Stephen Jackson, Sarunas Jasikevicius and Josh Powell for Troy Murphy, Mike Dunleavy, Ike Diogu and Keith McLeod.

What happenned to the Pacers? The Pacers were a really good team a few years ago right before the brawl, they were arguably the best and at worst the second best team in the East and now what are they. Jermaine O'Neal and a bunch of guys that aren't very good. What the hell was the point in going out and signing Al Harrington during free agency. They have a winning record now and are positioned in the playoffs? I guess they don't mind trading away 3 of their top 6 scorers. Um Ok.

And the Warriors with big Don Nelson have stopped killed Troy Murphy and his fantasy value and Dunleavy stinks so I see the deal from the talent standpoint, but you really think Stephen Jackson is going to do anything but tank team chemistry? You think makes you a viable playoff team. Um how about no.

So a simple sum up of this trade is the Warriors receive a player who is due for an assault once he romes the streets of Oakland for a few minutes and the Pacers become more overrated and white. In the end it's more volume than impact.

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For a Few Hours the Big 12 was Miles Davis

Aka the Coolest. Hopefully you were lucky enough to throw on ESPN 2 last night to catch Oklahoma St. vs. Texas which was certainly the most entertaining basketball game of this calendar year and finished 105-103 in triple OT. Personally myself I had finished up watching the episode of Rome, which I missed on Sunday due to 24, at 11 and turned on ESPN 2 and figured I would just watch the closing seconds of the game and then hit the sac. But fortunately my sleep was delayed for another hour.

I Missed It But Sportscenter Didn't

If you watched Sportscenter this morning and caught the Top 10, then you saw a freakish three from Byron Eaton on a heave ho hook from out of bounds after an arrant pass and the shot clock running to zero. It's ESPY worthy. You could try for days and not hit that shot.

Down 5 with 55 Seconds

That's when I flipped on the game, coming right back from a timeout the Longhorns had the ball down 5 and got the ball to Kevin Durant for a long three from his enormous wingspan, bang. Down two. The Longhorns then fouled JamesOn Curry, why the O is capitalized is beyond me [shaking my head], who proceeded to hit one of two which was followed of course by the Longhorns banging one of their dozen of clutch threes and Curry clanging his buzzer beater attempt off the glass. OT, cool.

Crowd Like Atmosphere

Throughout the overtimes everyone in the stands in front of the camera was standing up and in the lower portion of the picture giving the feel of sitting in the stands and watching the game.

3 Buckets in 15 seconds

Now in the 1st overtime the Longhorns scored a bucket to tie it up, which was quickly followed by OK St. busting the press resulting in a sweet alley oop, followed by DJ Augustine flying down the court blowing by everyone and knocking down a twisting layup with his back to the hoop.

More 3s

The Longhorns buried threes from everywhere to stay in this game. Durant hit a bunch, so did Abrams, their big white center pulled down a missed three walked to the corner of the court and knocked down a three, the Longhorns even hit a miracle forced three with the shot clock reaching zero.

Improbable Comebacks

In every overtime OK St. got off to a a lead only to let the Longhorns scratch and claw back into it, really at minimal fault of their own. The Longhorns just made buckets, pressured the ball increasingly well on their full court press and even had a blocked shot by Durant which lead to a fast break and himself dunking to tie the game up in the 2nd overtime. OK St. had a great chance to win at regulation, the first OT, and the second OT but just couldn't put the nail in the coffin. After the 2nd OT concluded ESPN showed a classic shot of Boggan walking back to the bench shaking his head with a look of "I can't friggin believe we're still playing this game."

Awesome Ending

The whole time I'm watching this game I was thinking to myself this game is so fun to watch it deserves a classic ending and it was delivered. Down 2 with the Ball the Longhorns throw up a terrible shot, however Durant positions himself perfectly nails the putback AND 1 and then knocks down the free throw. Then the Sooners come down the court in a mess and completely unorganized and Boggan steps into an offbalanced three and knocks it down. Just a classic game.

Boggan Durant Battle

This kid Durant is special, he's basically Tracy McGrady, a little taller without the back problems. He can handle the ball shoot over anyone, knock down the three, this kid is special. But he was not to be outdone by Boggan, who is stronger in the post, hit some circus layups, and knocked down some silky midranged jump shots. The back and forth dual between these two was a show in its own right.

2 Questionable 3s

To me it looked as if the three JamesOn Curry as well as Boggan hit in the 3rd overtime came with their toe on the line, aka not a three. But I have yet to see a replay for Curry and they didn't give the closest of replays for Boggan's game winner, but personally from the quick view I had I thought both were 2s, thus the game should have been tied.

Instant Classic

If anything is an instant classic it was that game last night and man am I glad I threw on ESPN 2 last night.

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Does a Championship Validate your Career?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Absolutely, I am getting disgusted with people who go out and say that not winning a championship does not diminish your legacy of a player. Um ya it does. What's the goal of a football season again? Make the Probowl right? No how about holding up that shiny football on a pole at the end of the year.

The best part of Sunday Countdown was when Tom Jackson was trying to make an argument about how Marty Schottenheimer is still a great coach and he brought up the play where Three Day Old Cheeseburger made a shoe string tackle. Without that the Steelers would not have won a championship. So he turns to Jaws and goes if Cheeseburger does not make that tackle and Cowher did not win a championship is he any less of a coach. And Jaws hilariously goes 'Yes, Absolutely'. Jackson starts shaking his head as he was trying to make a loser point, and he was completely denied by Jaws. Than Jaws went into a rant about how he lost Superbowl XV and he's less of a QB because of it.

There's a reason Marty Schottenheimer has not won a superbowl, he makes fatal errors down the stretch of games. Sure he's had bad luck, but so does every other coach. He made several poor decisions during his game this weekend, from going for it on 4th and 11 and ignoring a 48 yard field goal attempt, to dialing up a challenge and wasting a timeout which was incredibly fatal, all ending up losing a game that they had no business losing.

Michael Kay is one of the losers trying to argue that Peyton Manning is getting unfair criticism because he hasn't won a Superbowl. Another point where I would like to kick Michael in the groin. Peyton has great regular season numbers and most of the perceived blame for Manning's losses goes to his defense. But look at his postseason numbers. He's thrown a total of 3 of his total 16 career touchdowns in the 6 games his Colts have lost. That's not losing due to a poor performance by the defense. It's a false perception. Peyton flat out has not been good in the Postseason, he's had 3 great games and 8 mediocre to horrible games. Atleast Dan Marino had a few very good games in playoff losses.

Simple point about Peyton Manning and if he never wins a Superbowl, the standard is higher for Peyton Manning. We're not saying that Dilfer is better than Manning, we're saying without a championship Manning has no chance to become the greatest quarterback of all time. Ask anyone with a brain and they'll take Brady over Manning in a big spot anyday, its common sense, who cares if Manning puts up the huge numbers, Brady gets it done when it matters. Hell last year with a golden opportunity to beat the Steelers after the Cheeseburger tackle who couldn't get his shaky field goal kicker in better position than a 48 yarder.

Coincidence the year after Tony Dungy was canned the Bucs won the Superbowl? I think not.

Above all coaches and quarterbacks have the biggest influence over the results of games and because of this they are held to a higher standard when judged without a Championship. The reasons are valid, so if you're still active sack up and get it done.

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A Pats Fan's View of LT



I went to school in Mass so all my buddies are Pats fans, aka douche bags, well this is how much they think of LT right now.

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Divisional Playoff Awards

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Wow You Guys Suck: Baltimore Offense, And yet again the Colts defense looks good for no reason other than the inaffectiveness of their opposing offense. Steve McNair was absolutely horrendous. Their offensive line gave up a few very poorly timed sacks, and their coordinator avoided the run despite Jamal Lewis picking up over 4 yards per carry. Runner Up: Seattle secondary gave up two huge passes where the safety just let the receiver get over the top including the clinching catch by Davis.

Cough Cough Cough: Seattle Seahawks Offense, 3rd and short its what you work for on 1st and 2nd downs to get a manageable 3rd and short, yet the Seahawks were pathetic on 3rd and short. How could you close the game going 0 for 6 on 4rd and 3 or less, and also choke on a 4th and 1. Continually running Shaun Alexander directly into the Bears front seven when they expect it doesn't usually work. Runner Up: 2nd and 1 from the 4 and the Eagles proceeded to get stuffed badly and even lost 2 yards on a 3rd down dump off pass forcing them to kick a field goal and end up losing by 3.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Marlon McRee, Believe I know the instincts of a Dback if you see a ball to intercept regardless of if its on 4th down, you're picking it off. But the fact was if he dropped the ball the Chargers most likely win this game, instead he proceeds to fumble the Pats get new life and almost immediately score. Wrap up the ball big fella. Runner Up: Marty Schottenheimer for so brightly challenging the McRee fumble when it was obvious after every replay that the correct call was made, nice job blowing a timeout that could have been used to save yourself 35 seconds and help position yourself for a managable field goal attempt.

The Shocker: Peyton Manning & Tom Brady, How often do you see two teams win when their quarterbacks play poorly? Peyton Manning has "won" two straight playoff games while playing like Kyle Boller. And Brady was pretty miserable this week as well throwing three picks and getting bailed out by Senor McRee. Runner Up: The Two teams that dominated the ball and the flow of the games on sunday both lost.

The Pimp: Deuce McAllister, Every time Duece touched the ball it seemed like he was pickign up 5+ yards. The Eagles couldn't get a solid push into the backfield or bring him down at first contact. What made it shocking was it seemed as if the Saints coordinator didn't truly realize how effective Deuce was until the latter stages of the game. Perhaps if they had fed him the ball throughout they would have won by more than a FG. Runner Up:Adam Vinatieri knocking down 5 field goals.

JAKKED Up: Reggie Bush, you know you got destroyed when it breaks fans out into painful laughter.

Divisional Extra Quick Notes

~Personal preference, the rate at which people score 2 point conversions is slightly better than 50%, when you score a touchdown to go up by 7 as the Chargers did, why not go for the the 2 point conversion to make it a 2 possession game? If you get the extra point and make it an 8 point game, a good team is probably going to score 2 and tie it anyway. If you have a solid offensive team as the Chargers do, then put the foot on the throat and go up by 9. And hell even if you miss you're still up 7 and the other squad is just going to kick the extra point to tie the game anyway.

~How about Ray Lewis diving and tipping two balls that would have been easily intercepted by his teammates, that was funny.

~It will be laughable if Marty gets fired this week after going 14-2.

~Oh Marty going for it on 4th and 11, not smart, kick a field goal or punt.

~Thankfully his son, Brian, turned down the Dolphins job, he did a pretty good job being the O-Coordinator for the Jets this year and I would like for him to stick around a bit.

~If Vinatieri misses a field goal as time winds out with the Colts down by 2, it is official sweatshirt Bill has a deal with the devil.

~I have no probablem with LT being pissed after the game, if you just went 14-2 and lost and people were stomping around on your field wouldn't you be pissed.

~And all those people saying Bill Belichick is classy who the hell are you talking about. 1) Locked out Mangini from getting his shit after he took the Jets job. 2) Refused to acknowledge the existance of Mangini or shake his hand after a game 3) Slept with a married woman in NJ causing a divorce and an impending case 4) Smacked the shit out of a camera man ala Kenny Rogers. Belichick is one hell of a coach, but he doesn't exude class like people are saying.

~How nonsense was that defensive false start penalty that the officials dropped on Seattle on that field goal attempt. He didn't jump the neutral zone, and I understand he made the offense jump but I have never seen that called ever.

~Andy you had to go for 4th and 15, your team couldn't stop the run at all, you were done as soon as the decision to punt was made.

~For all of Cam Cameron's "genius" and head coaching credentials, you would think LT would have gotten the ball more in the 2nd half.

~Anybody else think field goal fests are a little lame?

~Why did the Pats refuse to run the ball the whole game? They were never down by a ton of points, yet Dillon seemed absent from the complete 2nd half with the exception of the last three run plays to drop the clock and set up the field goal. Word of advice to the Pats, don't abandon the run next week like you did against the Chargers or more importantly like you did in your previous matchup against the Colts. You have Dillon and Maroney, use them.

~Why is Jabar Gaffney a playoff stud? Does this make any sense to anyone? Career 100+ yard playoff games - Jabar Gaffney 2 > Marvin Harrison 1. Ya saw that coming.

~I actually thought Three Day Old Cheeseburger did a good job on NFL Countdown, which is becoming NFL screamfest, even Jaws likes to yell a lot.

~Anybody other than me annoyed the Pats game lasted past 8 pm and ran into the start of 24?

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Reggie You Got Jakked Up Son



I couldn't stop laughing for minutes. God football is sweet.

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This Asian is a Bad Kisser

Saturday, January 13, 2007



I'm going to have to say that next time he might rethink his kissing technique and he'll probably try to be a little more sensual and go with a full open mouthed kiss.

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Breakin it Down: Pats vs. Chargers

Friday, January 12, 2007

Save the best for last NFL, I appreciate your kindness. For the neutral fan this has got to be the most interesting game, the best postseason QB of the generation versus the coolest and most talented player in the NFL. And to think after this game finishes 24 will start minutes later, oh glorious sunday.

Steroids over Golden Boy

In their attempt to blitz the shit out of Tom Brady, the Jets hit him approximately twice. Pretty much a miserable failure on their part. Now will the Chargers try a similar blitzing approach or will they rely on the Pencil Headed Bear, Shawne Merriman, for a pass rush. My guess is they show more looks and mix between blitz and straight 4 man rush especially after watching the Pats so routinely pick up the blitz last week.

Dream Hasn't Come to Fruition

My Dream of Tom Brady getting run over by a monster truck has not come to fruition and that does not bode well for the team hailing from a Whale's Vagina. Last week Brady picked apart the Jets secondary as easily as toothpicking away that piece of meat stuck in your teeth. Any reason to think Brady will remotely struggle in sunny San Diego? I'll go with no.

Bend But Don't Break

For those of you who didn't watch the Jet Pat game last week and just look at the score and figure it was a blowout, well you're pretty much wrong. In fact the Jets offense had their way with the Pats defense, in between the 20s that is. Once the Jets reached the red zone the Pats quickly buckled down and held the Jets to field goals. But thats the Jets, not the Chargers who pack the greatest redzone weapon in the history of football. If the Pats defense doesn't play better than last week than the Chargers will put up a lot of points, and everything will be thrown on Brady's shoulders.

The Generally Unused Beast

Where has Antonio Gates been this season? Man am I glad that I didn't waste my 3rd round fantasy pick on him. Perhaps it was the reliance on LT in the redzone, and everywhere else for that matter. Perhaps the move from Brees to Rivers eliminated a little of his feel with the QB. Who knows the exact reason, but he wasn't heads and shoulders above the other TEs in the league this year. Perhaps he should be included into the gameplay this weekend as I don't see anybody on the Patriots, especially with Harrison out being able to man him up.

Marty Ball Criteria

Marty has 12 losses in his postseason career. 9 of them coming against Hall of Fame QBs (Marino, Elway, Moon, Kelly). Hmm, sound like the stage is set, perhaps Tom Brady is in line for the Hall of Fame someday. Perhaps Tom Brady, leader of Superbowl winning drives, could lead a last minute drive against Marty?

Losers Win Now Theme of the Millenium

Red Sox, White Sox, Boeheim, Roy Williams, Cowher, Mack Brown, Larry Brown, etc. This is the decade for the losers to win the big one. So Why not Marty? If all of those guys/teams could win chanpionships now then why the hell not Marty?

The Jets Curse

Biggest thing working against the Pats? The Jets Curse. Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Huh a Jets curse, what the hell are you talking about, must you always bring the Jets into a conversation they don't belong." Well, yes. But here's the Jets Curse, pretty simple, no team in the NFL has ever lost a game to the New York Jets and gone on to win the Superbowl that season. Thus the Patriots lost out on their opportunity to win the Superbowl on November 12th.

The Pick

Well this makes it 4 for 4 in picks against the Sports Guy and the what seems to be the average thoughts of America, but I don't see the Pats stopping LT. After last week I just wasn't impressed with how the Pats defense played and think with Merriman and Castillo and co. the Chargers will be able to put more pressure on Brady than the Jets were able to do last week.

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Quite Frankly Done

So I'm sitting here enjoying my fruit salad listening to the boisterous Stephen A. Smith on 1050 ESPN radio and there is some sad news. Less Stephen A. in my and your life. He announced on his radio show that his ESPN 2 nightly show Quite Frankly is over all done.

Basically he expressed how he didn't get the job done, aka get big numbers. Then he went off on a tangent and tried to express how Coughlin should fess up to his failure in a similar fashion. I truly enjoy Stephen A.'s random parallels. Quite Frankly was just another idea ESPN had to branch out that was eventually bound for failure. I can handle Stephen A. more than most, but the show at its timeslot, a slot Stephen A. thought would work because it was on in primetime on the west, had limited chance of succeeding. Faced off against the juggernaut of sports broadcasting, Sportscenter, which program did you choose to watch? I pretty much always chose Sportscenter to see some heighlight I missed.

But don't fret, Stephen A. will still be around to yell and scream into your ear about the NBA.

Posted by Simon at 1:18 PM 1 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Jump London = Cool



I saw this a few years ago on Discovery if I had the Testicle Fortitude to do this stuff I think I would. Anyway I was tryign to find the DVD today, could only find it on Ebay for $70 bucks and I ain't spending that much for it.

Posted by Simon at 11:33 AM 2 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Breakin it Down: Bears vs. Seahawks

An 8 1/2 point spread? Wow, apparently Vegas is on the Chicago Bears love train. I understand that the Seahawks really should have lost last week, but 8 1/2 points with captain inconsistancy at QB, really?

27, 31, 21, 26

These are the point totals the Chicago Bears opponents have put up in the past 4 games. What does this 4 game segment overlap? The games Tommie Harris has missed. Coincidence? Absolutely not. Tommie Harris is an absolutely dominant defensive tackle who clears out blocks helping Urlacher, Briggs and Hillenmeyer flow untouched to the running back. Tommie Harris in the first matchup against the Seahawks, 2 Sacks for a total of 20 yards lost, thats a big influence that the Bears will have to cope without.

2005 MVP

In the first matchup between these squads the Seahawks were without their MVP and it showed. In Maurice Morris' first game as a starter he gained a measely 35 yards on 11 carries and was in essence a non-factor. Now I know Alexander hasn't regained his 2005 form, for whatever reason, but he certainly is an upgrade over Morris. At the end of the game there will be a major direct correlation between Alexander yardage and Seattle points.

Destruction of Hasselbeck

Why did the Bears destroy the Seahawks in their first matchup? Well one of the biggest factors was the pressure they put on Hasselbeck. Matty played like Sexy Rexy, and had a final line of 2 ints and no tds. And even worse he was sacked 5 times and hit/hurried on almost every play. Hasselbeck and the offensive line must do a much better job in this rematch if they expect to be in this game in the 4th quarter.

Snow, Snow and More Snow

Thats the forecast in Chicago this weekend. Who does this favor? Well a ton of Snow would make teams lean towards the run, but that isn't necessarily the case. If the Snow isn't falling heavily, and is more a less simply a presence on the field than this will more help the receivers in the passing game. Think of it this way, the receiver knows where he's going at all times and his move is typical smoother than the quick adjustments by a defensive back, often times this gets the receiver an additional step. However, if the snow is falling heavily and affecting the grip of the QB and the ball flight than the game will be more tailored to the run. Either way I think the snow benefits the Seahawks, they have already played well in it once this season (Alexander rushed for 201), and their QB is more experienced.

The Hook

Obviously Bear fans and especially Lovie Smith hopes that Grossman plays well enough where he will not be faced with this decision. But the question is where's the threshold? 2 Interceptions in the first quarter? 3 ints in the first half? Truly do you foresee Brian Griese leading the Bears back from a 2 touchdown deficit? Despite Grossman's inconsistancies and his lean to the turnover, he is more likely than Griese to lead a comeback. This is perhaps the most story within a game this weekend in football. In my opinion if the Bears are forced to make this change it ends in a loss. Either Grossman plays well and the Bears roll. He plays mediocre and its a close game, or he plays Packer like and the Bears are dead.

The Pick

Both of these teams have major injuries to their defenses, Tommie Harris and the Seahawks secondary, the Bears destroyed the Seahawks earlier this year and Vegas obviously believes the Bears will win comfortably. I however have leaned to the Seahawks a little too much this season and will continue to fight the trend. The Seahawks have a better and more reliable QB, a better RB, better receiving corps, and a more experienced coach. Call me insanse, but I think the Seahawks pull this one off.

Posted by Simon at 9:06 AM 0 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Ali G on Becks and Posh

Thursday, January 11, 2007



I think Ali G is worth closer to $500 mill than Beckham, I enjoy how his "Africa" jacket has a picture of Italy on it.

Posted by Simon at 3:45 PM 1 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Break it Down: Saturday Matchups

Colts vs. Ravens

Defense vs. Offense. The Poster QB vs. the Poster Linebacker. The Hated Moving Truck Colts back in Baltimore. A lot of interesting storylines in this battle.

Steve McNair Big Game QB

Steve McNair has 5 playoff victories under his belt, aka more than Peyton Manning, and is viewed by all as a clutch playoff performer. But is that necessarily true, his career passing numbers are not very impressive, 6 tds to 9 ints, and while his 6 additional rushing tds add some pep to his performances, this is not the Steve McNair of 2000, this is the Steve McNair whose suffered injury after injury for 7 consecutive seasons, his legs are not as big a weapon as they once were.

Dungy Factor

During his time with both Tampa Bay and Indy, Tony Dungy has amounted a total of 6 wins. 6-8 if you must know the exact record. How many of those wins have come on the road, 1 against the Kansas City Chiefs, aka a team with no defense, during the 2003 season. So as a Colt fan what would give you the great idea that this Tony Dungy squad, the one with no run defense for 16 weeks, is going to be different. In humorous Dungy news, go to Google Images and look up Tony Dungy, 90% of his pictures are with him and his arms folded over in the "Man I have no idea why we suck" face.

Joseph Addai

Joseph Addai has emerged in the 2nd half of the season as more than just a warm body to fill in the absent shoes of Edgerrin James. Addai must be effective audible situations when Peyton sees the Ravens loading up on the pass and changes the play to a run. If neither Addai or Rhodes play well on saturday that puts the entire weight of the game on Peyton Manning's shoulders and that hasn't worked out so well for the Colts in past playoff games.

Runaway Truck

So what are the chances of the Colts shutting down the run two weeks in a row? Closer to 1 in 10 or zero? Will Jamal Lewis rush for better than his seasonal 3.6 yards per carry? If you're a Raven fan you have to hope so. Jamal is bigger than basically every Colt other than Booger McFarland, one would hope he is good enough to break some tackles.

All Weight Back on His Shoulders

Peyton got away with one and he knows it. In his head he's got to be thinking that any other 3 interception game and the Colts are bounced. But I bet his performance from last week relaxes him, it's really the first Colt playoff victory in which he hasn't thrown an exorbitant amount of touchdown passes. I think he comes into Baltimore and performs well despite the fact he's playing a much more talented defense. Alteast they do not have Ty Law.

The Pick

Everything here is screaming pick the Ravens, homefield, better defense, a reliable and proven playoff QB (especially in comparison to past Ravens QBs), but the gut isn't listening to the brain. I just feel like this is the year that everybody counts out the Colts, because their defense is terrible, when it's always been terrible, and Peyton comes up with a big game and they prove everyone wrong, well atleast for a week. Plus, the Colts have a solid track record of winning in Baltimore.

Eagles vs. Saints

Boo for the 8 o'clock saturday night game, how much I dislike your attempt to keep me away from the bar. This game is interesting to and should be fun to watch, curse you NFL and you're goal of increasing revenue.

Home Crowd

Think the Superdome will be a little pumped up for a home playoff game. I would expect there to be floats, and beads and daiquiris everywhere. Well maybe not daiquiris, or atleast I hope they aren't sold to the masses at a football game. Anyway the partisan crowd should help the home squad, hell even if Eagles fans show up they'll probably boo the Iggles more boisterously than Saint fans.

Backfield Skills

The most enjoyable position to watch in this game is easily the myriad of running backs. Each team has the power straight forward guy with Duece and Buckhalter and each has the dynamic run/pass threat with Westbrook and Bush. Which RB combo will have the bigger game impact? Will Westbrook dominate the Saints defense much like he did in the opening round? I would venture to say yes, Westbrook doesn't appear to ever have a bad game unless he doesn't actually play in it.

The Jolly Fat Man

Why does Andy Reid never get hyped as one of the best coaches in the NFL? He's been to basically every NFC championship game of this millennium, sure he hasn't won a Superbowl, but how many NFC teams have. Shouldn't winning a division with a 36 year old Jeff Garcia be regarded as one of the great coaching accomplishments of all time. Has anything happened to Jeff Garcia in the past 2 years that would make anyone believe he is actually still good? And Yet, all the credit seems to be flocking to Jeff for 'turning it around' while the Jolly Fat Man deserves all the credit. Payton had a great season but he isn't going to outcoach Big Andy. I wonder if you could fit and entire Dell 19' inch monitor in his stomach.

QB Stories of the Year

The two biggest QB stories of the season get to go head to head in New Orleans this weekend. The season started with great tales of Drew Brees venturing to New Orleans because the Dolphins and Chargers decided to go in different directions, and whether Brees would be able to come back from his shoulder injury. Then come midseason he's throwing continual 300+ yard 3 td games and looking unhuman. Then the story of the second half of the season was easily Jeff Garcia, a guy who looked completely washed up the past two seasons to the point where he backed up Joey Harrington for much of 2005, coming in and carrying the Eagles to the division crown. I think each of these guys play well against their opposing non-top flight defenses. The game could come down to which QB does not make the monumental mistake, which leans in the favor of Jeff Garcia who for the most part has completely minimized his turnovers.

Return of a Steroid Abuser

I need to take steroids so I won't die, come on Hollis you expect me to sympathize over that claim. Well Hollis gets to come back this week for the playoffs with a slightly less potent inhaler I would guess. His job will be to sit up front and make sure that Correll Buckhalter does absolutely nothing the entire game, which is about as easy as it sounds. But Westbrook on the other will bounce everything outside, and Thomas will be a non-factor on these plays.

The Pick

Honestly, I have no idea how this games flow is going to be. Will Drew Brees come out guns blazing, or will he struggle much like he did in the seasons stretch run? Will the Eagles blow out the Saints defense, or will the return of Hollis Thomas help the Saints stuff the Eagles run game. A 35-31 shootout or a 17-13 slugfest? In the end I think the Eagles are the team that has more momentum and will win in a similar fashion as last week, perhaps even another last second field goal by Akers.

Posted by Simon at 2:42 PM 1 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

MLS On the Path of MC Hammer

Remember when Hammer had one big song then proceeded to go out by a ludicrous mansion and every car imaginable then he didn't do another thing good and soon had to file for bankruptcy. Well, the MLS is apparently following in Hammer's footsteps, absent the one major hit, and have decided to fork over approximately $250 million dollars over 5 seasons for David Beckham. Yes, you read that correctly, an estimated 50 million dollars per season, for a player who was recently bumped off his National team.

In essence Beckhams contract of $50 million per would make him the highest paid team athlete in america in the least popular sport, and would have him earning more money than every other player in the MLS combined. Yes, combined.

And what exactly is this going to bring the MLS is my question. I mean I could understand a 10 million dollar a year contract or something along those measures, for the most famous, yet certainly not the most skilled, soccer player in the world. But 50 million just seems foolish. Soccer is a team sport and no single player can make a game entertaining, the acquiring of Beckham makes one team in MLS the buzz team, and gives more people to attend the game, but the buzz will wear off. And come 2009 I doubt anyone in the states truly cares about the fact Beckham is playing in LA.

The Galaxy Owner was quoted as saying "David is truly the only individual that can build the bridge between soccer in America and the rest of the world." Um, false, no one in Europe is going to watch the MLS. Their leagues will continue to dwarf ours in talent level and world class players, just because you grab the biggest name doesn't mean people will care. It more likely means less British and Europeans will care about Beckham.

Perhaps I could be wrong, but to me this is one of the more foolish investments in American Sports History.

Posted by Simon at 11:56 AM 3 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

Chargers Organization Denying Pats Fans

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Chargers organization has decided to restrict the sale of their Divisional Playoff Game against the Patriots to people with Credit Card Addresses in the Southern California area. And well some Pat fans are not so pleased with this restriction.

My opinion, tough shit Pats fans. The Chargers can sell their tickets to whomever they want. Sure it seems awfully pathetic that the Chargers fans won't flock to Ticketmaster and scoop up these tickets in a matter of minutes (I looked for Pats tickets last week on the Wednesday the 3rd and standing room only was $100 bones) but this is their franchise's best chance ever to win a Superbowl. So what if establishing a half way decent homefield advantage requires front office work not required by any other team. It's friggin San Diego what do you expect, you can sit outside and relax any time in January in New England we're jumping up and down with joy over the fact we haven't gotten any snow yet.

Hell if you read further in the article the Bears did the same exact thing. And I would guess that the Bears have absolutely no problem selling tickets for their playoff games. And if they did they could always solve that by including a complementary set of darts and a poster of Rex Grossman.

Here's the facts if you're traveling to San Diego as a Pat fan to go to the game you're dropping about 5 Bills on the plane ticket anyway plus 2 Bills on hotel fees, just drop the extra 100 to 150 bucks on a Stubhub ticket than you would have on Ticketmaster. Enjoy the weather and while you there run over Brady with your Rent-A-Car.

Posted by Simon at 3:55 PM 2 comments Links to this post   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!
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