I understand how people get fat. You eat crappy food and you lay around, it’s easy. What I don’t understand is how you get so fat that emergency workers have to cut a giant hole in the wall of your home, haul you out with an elevated forklift and then cart you to the hospital on a flatbed truck. I was pretty overweight for a while, and I can see how it happens to people. Now apparently this guy has some disease that compels him to eat because he always feels hungry, but not all of these half-ton folks in the news have that disease. So my question is, how in the world do you let yourself get that huge? I’ve compiled a list of warning signs that you might be getting a little on the heavy side here, some from my own experience.1. Can’t bend over to pull socks on/tie your shoes; I recommend throwing your foot up on a knee, much more easy than bending over.
2. Can knit a sweater with the amount of lint that your belly button produces
3. Can’t see your junk; Not as much of a problem for the ladies, but still, not good.
4. Can’t walk up a flight of stairs without an oxygen tank
5. Can’t walk through doorways; At this point you should be saying to yourself, “Wow, they sure don’t make doorways as wide as they used to.”
6. Can no longer get up to get yourself food; When family and friends have to bring you food, perhaps it’s time for a lifestyle change.
7. Going to the hospital requires a sawsall, among other power tool, heavy lifting equipment and a truck typically reserved for hauling automobiles.
I’ve got sympathy for fat people, really, I do, but if you are experiencing any of these symptoms, get off your ass and do something. Go for a walk, hit the gym, rub one out standing up, whatever floats your boat, just do it.
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