Skip to main content

Writing Up My Own Theoretical Steroids Admission

Every athlete who gets caught with steroids has a cockamamee reason behind their usage so I figure I might as well write my own theoretical steroids admission if I ever get caught and people want to question why I did it.

I am here today to admit the mistakes of my past. I am not proud of what I did but I did in fact use the cream and the clear during the early days of my blogging career. I apologize to all three of my readers as I know I have let you down deeply but I need to get it off my chest, it's been haunting me.

So you're probably wondering why did I do it. Why did I take performance enhancers? It obviously wasn't to improve my performance in the blog or in any of my many softball performances. Steroids obviously didn't help my grammar or intelligence which is in a steep decline. It wasn't because I want to stay healthy during the blogs early life. My fingers were strong my mind was meh but steroids did not help me there. It wasn't because GMC slipped a mickee in my products, I don't shop there. I've never met Miguel Tejada so he's never stuck a "B12" shot in my ass.

Simply put I took Steroids for the taste and smell. I got Cherry flavored clear and that shit was bangin. Damn it was delicious. Seriously I used to put that shit on everything. A pork chop. Some ice cream. My cereal. You couldn't beat it. But seriously that's the only reason behind the steroid use. It didn't help me in any manor except for the flavor of my food. That was it. I swear.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

M E T S = Mercifully End The Season

Do it before David Wright gets Hurt!
185 comments
Continue Reading the Rest of This Fine Post

Numbers On Steroids: Mickey Mantle

Numbers on Steroids is a look at baseball players during the 90s to see if anything screams out at you. This week it's throwing a curve ball and looking at All Time Great Yankees. Players that we know did not take steroids to see if this gives a defense to any of the players 'convicted' by Numbers on Steroids. Time to look at my dad's favorite athlete of all time, Mickey Mantle. Averages Say: What's with the mysterious dip at 27 and then the uptick? At Bats Per Home Run Says: That's a mighty jump from 22 to 24 Explaining As If It Was the 90s If you take a look at the numbers there are two time frames which in the 1990s would be questioned. First would be the incredible leap he took from his first year in the big leagues to his first MVP season in 1956. His batting average jumped 50 points. His slugging percentage jumped 90 points and he hit 15 more homers than his previous high. This wouldn't merrit a conviction nowadays though because the young age he...
2 comments
Continue Reading the Rest of This Fine Post

Guest Post: Thoughts on Sabathia Signing

I asked Grutt what his thoughts were on the Sabathia signing and I thought his response pretty much nailed it. So here it is. I don’t know. Every year I get a little more disenchanted with baseball. Yea, it’s great we signed the top pitching free agent. But we were supposed to. No team was even in the ballpark of the Yankees offer yet they still needed to jump from the already ridiculous price of $140 million to $160 million to close the deal. Now I hear we are going to sign more pitchers who will also get large contracts and the position player gaps are still glaring. Each new, large contract just adds to the feeling that the Yanks are supposed to win it all. “I think we have a good chance this year.” That is a lost feeling. If they don’t win I’ll wonder why, like there has to be some other reason besides that it’s a sport you can never predict how things will work out and some years just aren’t yours to be won. If they win I will be pleasantly smug. It gets a little more...
53 comments
Continue Reading the Rest of This Fine Post