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Completely Useless NHL Season Predictions

Yes I pay no attention to hockey, yes I was completely shocked when I found out today that the season started yes today. Yes I need to do a seasons prediction anyway because wahts the fun of not predicting something horribly wrong or blindly telling you that yes the Rangers are going to win the Stanley Cup and come whenever hockey ends being right so on to my useless predictions. Anybody other than me forget who won the Stanley Cup last year? The Whalers won right?

NHL West Playoff Seeds

1. Detroit Redwings - Central Winners - Things certain in life the Red Wings being good and choking in the playoffs, they're the Yankees of the NHL, yet less people hate them.
2. Mighty Ducks - Pacific Winners - Because they finally got rid of those dumb Disney Uniforms, but they signed Gordon Bombay as their coach to lead them to the promise land.
3. Calgary Flames - Northwest Winners - Still have a money redhead goalie and a black captain, now there's a hockey combo.
4. San Jose Sharks - The typical hey it never snows here lets put a hockey team here and people will love it NHL team. Genious marketing by such a financially stable unit.
5. Minnesota Wild - I like teams with Green Jerseys I'm a sucker for them.
6. Dallas Stars - Were you listening to what I just said.
7.Nashville Predators - They sign Double J Jeff Jarrett as team mascot to give them the playoff push.
8. Colorado Avalanche - They always make the playoffs right?

West Conference Finals

San Jose Sharks over the Mighty Ducks - It's pretty simple midway through the season the Sharks will decide they need some roster help they'll call up the Bruins GM and they'll trade for the Bruins best player and give them 3 nickels for the dollar.

NHL East Playoff Seeds

1. Ottawa Senators - Northeast Winners - Teams that were in trouble of contraction ala the Twins are doing well lately.
2. Hartford Whalers - Southeast Winners - Anybody other than me get the Scorpions "Rock you Like a Hurricane" stuck in your head now... Here I am Rock you like a Hurricane
3. New York Rangers - Atlantic Winners - Still stuck in my head, Rangers win due to Isiah Thomas not being their GM.
4. Philadelphia Flyers - Midseason pickup of AI gives them the Answer.
5. Buffalo Sabres - Anybody ever wonder why there is an NFL and an NHL team in Buffalo, is Buffalo that big, has anyone ever thought wow Buffalo would be a nice place to live, why do people live there Niagra Falls can't be that cool.
6. Atlanta Thrashers - Thrash Bash Mash Stash Cash Flash Nash Trash Smash Clash
7. Montreal Canadiens - NHL without Canadiens is like a sandwhich without bread. And don't give me a wrap thats not a sandwhich you cockbag.
8. Boston Bruins - Ya they got no chance so I'm guaranteed to get one wrong, but hey homer picks are allowed. AKA I'm a Bruins fan, but they're the worst run franchise possibly in pro sports right now.

East Conference Finals

New York Rangers over the Hartford Whalers -It will give new Yorkers something to enjoy and forget about the fact than Jim Dolan thought it would be a good idea to give the keys to the franchise as well as the wheel to Ike knowing he blew a .29 beforehand.

Stanley Cup Finals

New York Rangers over San Jose Sharks - Trust in Ljundquist however you spell it the kids a animal champion warrior. I think he may even revert back to the Jason Mask days of hockey or maybe the maskless days thats how tough he is, ok maybe not. Rangers champions del mundo.

NHL Awards

Adams - Gordon Bombay, is their any doubt he's going to be the best coach in the league, give me an f'n break.

Calder - You think I know a single rookie in the NHL hahahaha, Steve DeBerg takes it home yes that Steve DeBerg he switched to hockey didn't you hear.

Hart - Joe Thorton or Sergei Samsanov a obviously former Bruin will win.

Norris - Chris Pronger of the Mighty Mighty Ducks.

Pearson - Vincent Lecavalier has a big season.

Vezina - Henrik Lundquist es un swedish pimp from Club Vandersexxx.

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