Or Maybe not so epic. Considering I only picked something right when I picked the Cardinals because of the powers of So Taguchi.
Battle of Positions
First Base: Albert Pujols vs. Sean Casey (maybe) - We all no Pujols is better than any first baseman in baseball no need to debate. Advantage: Cards
Second Base: Ronny Belliard vs. Placido Polanco - Ronny is a fat fat baseball player, did anyone other than me think it was slightly pathetic that he didn't even come close to beating out that bunt. Anybody? Advantage: Tiggers
Third Base: Scott Rolen vs. Brandon Inge - I expect Scott Rolen to turnaround and have a big series this week. He's been a terrific player his whol year and really hasn't had much success in the playoffs. Inge is a great fielder, and a good role player for the Tigers but he's not better than Rolen. Advantage: Cards
Shortstop: David Eckstein vs. Carlos Guillen - David Eckstein is a pain in the ass that seamingly gets it done all the time. But Guillen has much more upside as a hitter. Advantage: Tiggers
Catcher: Yadier Molina vs. Ivan Rodriguez - Very similar defensive catchers, but on the opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to offense this season. And yet Molina has been a huge part of the Cards success with his hitting. All in all you have to favor Pudge in this matchup though. Advantage: Tiggers
Left Field: Preston Wilson vs. Craig Monroe - Craig Monroe has been a beast this offseason while Preston Wilson likes to swing and miss a lot. Advantage: Tiggers
Center Field: Jim Edmonds vs. Curtis Granderson - Jim Edmonds all around is a better player than Granderson, however, Jim Edmonds has every injury in the book while Granderson is healthy. Advantage: Tiggers
Right Field: Juan Encarnaccion vs. Magglio Ordonez - Simple Magglio and his curly locks. Advantage: Tiggers
Designated Hitter: Scott Spiezio vs. Marcus Thames - Not a big fan of the River Thames and Spiezio is a clutch hitter. Advantage: Cards
Game 1 Starter: Dreamweaver vs. Justin Verlander - In talent Verlander wins hands down, but Dreamweaver is on a roll and could easily pitch another 6 innings and give up 2 runs. However, the Cards haven't seen anything like Verlander this postseason. Advantage: Tiggers
Game 2 Starter: Chris Carpenter (3 Days Rest) vs. Kenny Rogers - This was a smart move by Leyland pitching Rogers at home in both game 2 and game 6. I honestly think he stays lights out, who knows how or why but this will be a pitchers dual and I think Rogers somehow wins out. Advantage: Tiggers
Game 3 Starter: Jeff Suppan vs. Nate Robertson - Nate has been very good but Suppan has been the MVP of the playoffs so far and he will be at the new Busch. Advantage: Cards
Game 4 Starter: Anthony Reyes vs. Jeremy Bonderman - Ha, tough one. Advantage: Tiggers
Bullpen - The Tigers have the edge hands down with Zumaya and Rodney and Jones. I love Wainwright's stuff but you have to go with the Tigers dominant 3. Advantage: Tiggers
The Tigers win the head to head matchup 10-4 and thus logic Says Tigers in 5.
Now for the...
Illogical Reasons
1. Yankees, Twins, Mets, Padres all huge favorites all lost. Cards 1 Tigers 0
2. Pitchers who have been great, Oliver Perez, John Maine, Kenny Rogers, Jeff Weaver, all guys you think will get crushed so whose inline, Anthony Reyes of course. Cards 2 Tigers 0
3. Rams are 4-2 Lions are 1-5 meaning all of the good fortune the Lions aren't getting is shifted to the Tigers. Cards 2 Tigers 1
4. Joe Buck grew up a Cardinals fan and worked for them. Cards 2 Tigers 2
5. The Cards play in one of the American homes of Beer. Cards 3 Tigers 2
6. Cardinals can fly Tigers can not. Cards 4 Tigers 2
7. If the radar gun in Detroit is correct Joel Zumaya can throw a ball to the moon. Cards 4 Tigers 3
8. Celebrity fans Eminem vs. I have no friggin idea whose a Cardinal fan. Cards 4 Tigers 4
9. The Tigers have a girl giving herself up on ebay for tickets to the Tigers home games. Slut. Cards 4 Tigers 5
10. I have red hair the Cardinals wear Red jerseys. Cards 5 Tigers 5
11. The clincher the Cardinals are Soooo Taguchi. Cards 6 Tigers 5
Illogic says Cards in 7.
Now random deciding...
Coin Flip
Heads - Cardinals
Tails - Tigers
The apparatus - 1999 Connecticut "Big Tree" Quarter
And the battle begins:
Coin Toss Numero Uno: Cards take game 1, with a high spinner into the right hand flipped onto the top of the left.
Coin Toss Numero Dos: Tigers take game 2, with a low toss onto the floor.
Coin Toss Numero Tres: Cardinals take game 3, with the spinning top that stops on heads.
Coin Toss Numero Cuatro: Tigers take game 4, with the two handed dice roll.
Coin Toss Numero Cinco: Tigers take game 5, with the throw the quarter of the cubical wall.
Coin Toss Numero Seis: Cardinals take game 6, with the throw up with the notebook and catch.
Coin Toss Numero Siete: Cardinals take game 7, with the throw into the coffee cup and check.
There it is 2 to 1 in the favor of Cards, both decidedly in game 7, what a classic.
Battle of Positions
First Base: Albert Pujols vs. Sean Casey (maybe) - We all no Pujols is better than any first baseman in baseball no need to debate. Advantage: Cards
Second Base: Ronny Belliard vs. Placido Polanco - Ronny is a fat fat baseball player, did anyone other than me think it was slightly pathetic that he didn't even come close to beating out that bunt. Anybody? Advantage: Tiggers
Third Base: Scott Rolen vs. Brandon Inge - I expect Scott Rolen to turnaround and have a big series this week. He's been a terrific player his whol year and really hasn't had much success in the playoffs. Inge is a great fielder, and a good role player for the Tigers but he's not better than Rolen. Advantage: Cards
Shortstop: David Eckstein vs. Carlos Guillen - David Eckstein is a pain in the ass that seamingly gets it done all the time. But Guillen has much more upside as a hitter. Advantage: Tiggers
Catcher: Yadier Molina vs. Ivan Rodriguez - Very similar defensive catchers, but on the opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to offense this season. And yet Molina has been a huge part of the Cards success with his hitting. All in all you have to favor Pudge in this matchup though. Advantage: Tiggers
Left Field: Preston Wilson vs. Craig Monroe - Craig Monroe has been a beast this offseason while Preston Wilson likes to swing and miss a lot. Advantage: Tiggers
Center Field: Jim Edmonds vs. Curtis Granderson - Jim Edmonds all around is a better player than Granderson, however, Jim Edmonds has every injury in the book while Granderson is healthy. Advantage: Tiggers
Right Field: Juan Encarnaccion vs. Magglio Ordonez - Simple Magglio and his curly locks. Advantage: Tiggers
Designated Hitter: Scott Spiezio vs. Marcus Thames - Not a big fan of the River Thames and Spiezio is a clutch hitter. Advantage: Cards
Game 1 Starter: Dreamweaver vs. Justin Verlander - In talent Verlander wins hands down, but Dreamweaver is on a roll and could easily pitch another 6 innings and give up 2 runs. However, the Cards haven't seen anything like Verlander this postseason. Advantage: Tiggers
Game 2 Starter: Chris Carpenter (3 Days Rest) vs. Kenny Rogers - This was a smart move by Leyland pitching Rogers at home in both game 2 and game 6. I honestly think he stays lights out, who knows how or why but this will be a pitchers dual and I think Rogers somehow wins out. Advantage: Tiggers
Game 3 Starter: Jeff Suppan vs. Nate Robertson - Nate has been very good but Suppan has been the MVP of the playoffs so far and he will be at the new Busch. Advantage: Cards
Game 4 Starter: Anthony Reyes vs. Jeremy Bonderman - Ha, tough one. Advantage: Tiggers
Bullpen - The Tigers have the edge hands down with Zumaya and Rodney and Jones. I love Wainwright's stuff but you have to go with the Tigers dominant 3. Advantage: Tiggers
The Tigers win the head to head matchup 10-4 and thus logic Says Tigers in 5.
Now for the...
Illogical Reasons
1. Yankees, Twins, Mets, Padres all huge favorites all lost. Cards 1 Tigers 0
2. Pitchers who have been great, Oliver Perez, John Maine, Kenny Rogers, Jeff Weaver, all guys you think will get crushed so whose inline, Anthony Reyes of course. Cards 2 Tigers 0
3. Rams are 4-2 Lions are 1-5 meaning all of the good fortune the Lions aren't getting is shifted to the Tigers. Cards 2 Tigers 1
4. Joe Buck grew up a Cardinals fan and worked for them. Cards 2 Tigers 2
5. The Cards play in one of the American homes of Beer. Cards 3 Tigers 2
6. Cardinals can fly Tigers can not. Cards 4 Tigers 2
7. If the radar gun in Detroit is correct Joel Zumaya can throw a ball to the moon. Cards 4 Tigers 3
8. Celebrity fans Eminem vs. I have no friggin idea whose a Cardinal fan. Cards 4 Tigers 4
9. The Tigers have a girl giving herself up on ebay for tickets to the Tigers home games. Slut. Cards 4 Tigers 5
10. I have red hair the Cardinals wear Red jerseys. Cards 5 Tigers 5
11. The clincher the Cardinals are Soooo Taguchi. Cards 6 Tigers 5
Illogic says Cards in 7.
Now random deciding...
Coin Flip
Heads - Cardinals
Tails - Tigers
The apparatus - 1999 Connecticut "Big Tree" Quarter
And the battle begins:
Coin Toss Numero Uno: Cards take game 1, with a high spinner into the right hand flipped onto the top of the left.
Coin Toss Numero Dos: Tigers take game 2, with a low toss onto the floor.
Coin Toss Numero Tres: Cardinals take game 3, with the spinning top that stops on heads.
Coin Toss Numero Cuatro: Tigers take game 4, with the two handed dice roll.
Coin Toss Numero Cinco: Tigers take game 5, with the throw the quarter of the cubical wall.
Coin Toss Numero Seis: Cardinals take game 6, with the throw up with the notebook and catch.
Coin Toss Numero Siete: Cardinals take game 7, with the throw into the coffee cup and check.
There it is 2 to 1 in the favor of Cards, both decidedly in game 7, what a classic.
Comments