Pig Dinner Power Rankings

It's pig Dinner Weekend and at the request of a few chumps I did a little team by team Power Rankings. So drink up be merry and don't get all of your front teeth chipped in half by some unconfirmed assbag who pulled your feet out from under you.

1. The Cuntry Club: Derick Fors(2002), Matt Bielik(2001), Jon Keaney(1999), Add New Member

Should I even count Fors team in the running for the best score, he is the Pro at the course and probably has played it hundred if not thousands of times already. A sabotage would need to be held most likely to ge them to lose, even if they do end up with just 3 guys.

2. Don't Hassle The Hoff: Jason Casimiro(2002), Jeffrey Costa(2002), Matthew Siska(2002), Gregory LaCamera(2002)

I could be wrong but were all these guys on the golf team with the exception of Siska? I feel like they post a good score every year.

3. G.F.Y.: Ryan "Thunder" Fournier(2000), Dana "The Towering Infermo" Griffin(2000), Max "The Dirty Sanchez" Gomez(2000), Kevin "The Brokeback Cowboy" Landrigan(2000)

I also feel like what ever team Dana plays on always puts up a top score, could be wrong on that assumption to but these three teams seem to be on the top of the leader board every year.

4. The Mighty Putz: Jamie Carlson(1999), Mike Dorval(2002), Keith Kerr(1999), Add New Member

I swear Carlson cheats every year. Somehow someway his team ends up with a good score when it's highly doubtful they are that good.

5. Duke Lacrosse Alums: Conor Casey(2004), Brian "Breathmint" Abcunas(2004), Karl Gebhardt(2004), Gary Pedro(2004)

Every year somehow this team does well. I don't particularly get why, I can't imagine Abcunas being any good even though he did play hockey. Never really got how somehow that awkward could play a sport. I wouldn't put it past Conor to pull a Jamie Carlson every year. Hopefully, P-Bird doesn't run over anymore headstones so we can continue to golf at this course in future years and not be banned from this course like so many before it.

6. Immortal 4: Matt Simone(2005), Jim Loiselle(2005), Dan Schwab(2005), Justin Billings(2005)

Billings and Cotton are good, I'm bad, Jimbo usually is in the bag by the 9th hole. Typically we finish in the middle of the pack because no one ever either A) Sticks it right by the hole or B) Makes a putt. The Forecast is for a little bit of rain so perhaps, Jimbo decides to prance around the golf course in solely his boxers again, 'To Stay Warm'. Genius.

7. BallBags: Paul "Lassie" Elliott(2003), Matt Long(2003), Dirk Diggler(2003), Matt Clark(2003)

I'm probably an idiot but I'm missing the connection of who Dirk Diggler is. Perhaps it's coach Rob I'm sure every former baseball player misses his leadership and guidance and would go completely out of their way to see him again.

8. Team Bushwood: Wes Salomon(2005), John Courtney(2005), Shawn Walker(2005), Tony Maglione(2005)

Wes is quite possibly the worst golfer to ever hold a club. If I had to put an over under on the number of his shots that the team will use, discounting putts, for the entire day I would lay it at 2.5, and then I would take the under the way under.

9. Delta Force: Jay Cardinal(2001), Jonathan Rich(2001), Paul O'Brien(2001), Ben Wilson(2001)

We played behind them I think last year and if I remember correctly they were not very good.

10. Busch Light Brigade: Andrew Frascotti(2006), Andrew Mills(2006), Jeff Perras(2006), John Tehrani(2006)

One of the Biggest Question Marks of the tournament is whether Tehrani, the Carl Pavano of Pig Dinners, will in fact be able to make it through all 18 holes. Vegas Line is 2 to 1 he will. Also, if I was Sweet Lou I would be much more appreciative of my eldest son as you will soon see despite the fact he can't properly sit on lawn furniture.

11. Chipper 'n Dales: Brent Shannon(Undergrad), Mike Pierce(Undergrad), Ryan DeChristoforo(2006), Drew Forrest(2006)

Should have named this group the Dead Presidents and the Forrest. Now I'd imagine Drew being very awful at golf, and can't see Brent being particularly good either. I would expect Pierce and Brent to be bringing their a games with outfits, and fully expect Pierce to be wearing some fruity hat to keep his skull in the shade.

12. Clubs and Shrubs: Brian McDonough(Undergrad), Eric Robert Sands(2005), Bryan Bussone(Undergrad), Kiki Martinez(Undergrad)

I was going to put them higher because Buss is surprisingly good at golf and Sands isn't bad himself, then I put it together that they'll probably be stoned by the third hole and smashing their golf carts into bushes.

13. Chronic Master-Putters: Chris Hamel(2004), Sean Coughlin(2004), Aaron Vanney(2004), Derek Ransom(2005)

Half the team is high the other half, not so good at golf. Chances are good that D-Rock and Buss meet at some point in time during the day to pull a drag race and or a little modification of Bumper Cars.

14. Phi Gamma Slammas: Joseph Renaud(Undergrad), Barrett Franklin(2005), Joe Frascotti(Undergrad), Lou Frascotti(1979)

Sweet Lou what exactly did you do to your son to deserve this kind of torture. Sure you will be able to grace the course with someone so great that they recorded a hole in one during their first round of golf and played a round with Tiger Woods at Pebble Beach, but how will you not end up being embarrassed when he straps the team on his back and makes every shot?

15. The Fraternity of Mu Tau: Anthony Smith(2005), Sean Mahoney(2005), Joseph Gruttadauria(2005), Rick Adams(2005)

In a heated battle for last place Team Derby should be able to drag down I'm good at every Rick by producing absolutely no quality shots throughout the entire tournament. Mahoney does however have the body of a Phil Mickelson and is from Tampa, could he perhaps make up for Grutt's ineptitude. Probably not.

I think next year there should be a 4-some of the worst golfers, with Wes, Ziggy, possibly Grutt and another.

Unknown Soldiers

Sure I may know some of them, but I have no idea how good they may or may not be at golf.

AberKoski & Bald: Justin Dyer(1999), Matt Koski(1999), Rick Gallimore(1999), Jim Armitage(1999)

The "Blue Max" School of Dance - Talent Scouts: Wally Towner, "Head" Inspector(1983), Bill "I've Fallen and I Can't Get It Up" Trask(Undergrad), Misael Diaz(Undergrad), Add New Member

Burnt Stumps: Bill Musiak(1993), Jim Meystrik(1995), Dave Henry(1993), Sean Conley(1995)

FIJI Masters: Henry Fitzgerald(1975), Joel Angelico(1975), Add New Member, Add New Member

Fiji Masters Steel Traps: Dave Vogt(1977), John Wilbur(1977), Alex Vogt(1975), Add New Member

J.A.B.J: Matt O'Brien(1997), Alan Assner(1996), BG Chabot(1996), Matt Pelkey(1996)

Monkey Dicks: Scott Theriault(1998), Mark Palmer(1998), Mike Dunbar(1996), Mark Simon(1996)

Night Train Express: Andy Williams(1936), Sean Doherty(1992), Paul Bordieri(1993), Ed Leono(1995)

No Name Golfers: Bill Johnson(1993), Matt Jeffers(1993), Chris Ledoux(1993), Derek Anderson(1993)