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I was in a rush to do the week 5 picks so I accidentally just copied over week 4, which probably is the best for everybody and chances are no one sees this anyway. But I went 1-4 with my 5 suggestions. Lost my survivor pool and did miserable. He's picture evidence: Spread NonSpread See that was bad...

I'm still working on prettying this bad boy up and would like suggestions from the peanut gallery. Consider this the beta. Notes the banner is going to be bigger than it is now. Should be about the size of the post width. So assbags check out this guy and tell me what you think.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos Courtesy of, in order, SuperDeluxe , Fantasy Humor , 100% IR , With Leather , EDSBS , LOLJocks , 100% IR again, ProFootball Talk , EC , Fanhouse , Yardbarker I never put 1 and 1 together, Pacman Jones is Storm? I deserve some loans. Especially after the pain Larry Fitzgerald is putting me through. Friggin Monkeys Have hops apparently. Boo I wanted to see who won. I wonder if body blows or neck blows are more wearing for the fighters. The Ole Ball Coach was not very pleased with a kicker scoring a TD. And Sotherners wonder why we think they're morons... Personally I like to work on putts that are more than 2 feet. I just take those as makes regardless. Did Vince Wilfork and the Macho Man have a meeting last week prior to the game? It's ...

There are some characters in this weeks waste of oxygen. Here are your contestants: 1. Lynam Athletic - Your team sucks you finish in last place and you are pretty much a disgrace so what to do to improve your team. Oh I know change everybody's legal name to superstar players so that you throw out a world cup squad. Except Ronaldhino isn't European though right? He's more of a human horse. 2. Antonio Henton - Go Buckeyes, go solicit them prostitutes. When you're the 3rd string QB on a team I guess you need something to do outside holding a clipboard all day and if that means spending your Tressel paycheck on some hooker love then I have no problem with that. What's so bad with soliciting prostitutes anyway? Aren't they the ones breaking the law? 3. Michael Vick - Hmm let's see. You're awaiting sentencing for a major crime which could be up to 5 years you sit around and you want to ease the tension. So you smoke a little weed and then you fail a...

5. Clemson Tigers at Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets And the Yellow Jackets fall from grace has been quick. A loss to UVA? What the hell was that. Another loss to Clemson this weekend? And they can officially kiss their ACC title hopes good bye. Entrance to the ACC title game goodbye, season goodbye everything. It will be over. The Pick: And it will be as Clemson sneaks out of ATL with a Victory, so you might as well do some football betting . 4. Michigan St. Spartans at Wisconsin Badgers Time to eliminate another pretender in the Big 10. This week it's the undefeated Spartans versus the undefeated Badgers. This pits the Spartans who usually can put up a ton of points on the board versus the Badgers, who attempt to turn every game into a snoozer. Hopefully I'm either not watching or the Spartans force the Badgers to get aggressive on offense. The Pick: The Badgers Sneak Out with a Victory 3. Auburn Tigers at Florida Gators So the Gators won the National Title last year ev...

When looking at the NL Standings you naturally come to the conclusion that 4 teams in the NL have destiny in their own hands. If the Mets, Dbacks and Cubs win out they all take home their division. If the Padres win out they at minimum take home the wild card. However if you said 4, you would be wrong. In fact now thanks to the mighty Pirates an additional team has been granted destiny in their own hands. The Colorado Rockies are said team. The Rocks are currently on a ten game win streak and extending the streak 4 more games means that at worst they will surpass the Arizona Diamondbacks and will at worst will share the Wildcard with the Philadelphia Phillies with whom they are tied now. Just over a week ago the Rockies were 5 games back of the Padres for the WildCard and 7 games behind the Arizona Diamondbacks to have advanced to the position they are today is one of the most amazing baseball accomplishments in history. If they were to run the table and make the playoffs, regardl...

Last Week I put forth a post where I left a hypothetical statement from Marc Ecko to Barry Bonds. Most of it was meant as a joke. Early this morning I looked at my inbox and noticed that someone posted a massive comment on said post and pointed out racial issues with the baseball. I'd imagine that this comment was something the poster spread around many different blogs on the web but judge for yourself. Here's the Comment in it's entirety and I'll comment about it afterwards: MARC ECKO NUT BALL The Commissioner of Baseball must move quickly to stop what will be a huge mistake in American race relations and an ugly black eye for the sport. “Branding” was something done to African slaves. African-Americans could boycott the Hall of Fame or even Baseball itself. How could Ecko be so dumb? Marc Ecko will brand Barry Bonds’ record home run ball and send it on to Cooperstown? It’s time for the Commissioner to put his foot down on this one. If he doesn’t, he makes an enormo...

Nothing brightens my day quite like watching a little girl potentially lose a few teeth. I feel so much better right now. Courtesy of Our Book of Scrap

Last week I mentioned how Chelsea sacked their manager, Jose Mourinho, for well, winning too many games. Well not so surprisingly teams are starting to come out of the woodwork to offer him jobs. The first? The United Arab Emirates, the small country in the middle east which sports one of the worst national team clubs in the world, was the first to court Jose . Just how bad are they at Soccer? In fact the United Arab Emirates is ranked 102nd in the world and has not qualified for a World Cup since 1990 which was the only time they ever qualified. So of course Jose would laugh at this offer and tell them thanks but no thanks. If you are a winning manager you want to end up with some sort of trophy. Whether that be another major European Soccer team or coaching his home country Portugal to European and World Cup glory. However, the UAE apparently have something that doesn't involve soccer players. They have a lot of cash. They've offered Jose 20 million dollars per year t...

Part of the Reason I just did the Dictionary entry was because I wanted to use it in this post and the other part is that I like the damn Dictionary and always forget to use it. Anyway the Cubs are majorly pulling a kay by printing out their world series tickets prior to even clinching their division. Picture Courtesy of Deadspin

Pull a Kay [pŏŏl ey key] -verb 1. Acting as if something is finished prior to its conclusion. 2. Sharing the ronsequences of a final outcome prior to its outcome is concluded. 3. Acting as if a Game is won before the final out, or whistle has happened. Synonyms: Counting Your Chickens Before They've Hatched Sentence Usage: "The game is in the fifth inning and he's already saying Kei Igawa is going to get his first win since June, why must he pull a kay."

Playoff Races NL West: The Pirates accomplished the first of hopefully a 3 game sweep. Combine that with wins for the Padres and Rocks and it just might be a race. The Rocks must not lose any more ground over the next two days so they can get their hands on the Dbacks with a chance to win the division. NL East: Of course I chime in on the Phillies and how I want them to make the playoffs and they go out and lose to the Braves. Hello Philadelphia, the Mets are trying to give you the division. The Mets can't win a game. Fire it up and win your next 5 and you should be playing in at minimum a 1 game playoff for the division. Too bad this isn't going to happen. NL Central: The Cubbies gave one back last night but still have a 2 game lead with 5 to play and the Brewers playing host the Padres this weekend. It would be shocking if the Cubbies slipped back this weekend. NL Wildcard: The Pads opened a 1 game lead over the Phils and Rocks last night. The Phils have to weather...

Just because I can't stand the guy I'm going to post so I have a note of another stupid thing he said. Yesterday the Yanks dressed up their rookies in costumes. With 4 rooks as the Wizard of Oz crew including Joba as the Cowardly Lion and of course Kei Igawa as a monkey . Basically ever team in the Big Leagues does something to haze their rookies and 100% IR has a solid post encapsulating many pictures and many ridiculous costumes. Well instead of saying anything about this prior, especially when Clay Bucholz and other Red Sox players were wearing slutty woman pirate outfits, Missanelli goes on a rant today because the Yankees do it. Saying its completely ridiculous that Joba is dressing up like a lion and Ian Kennedy is dressed up as Dorothy. Saying that its a man's game and the Yankees are a joke. No Mike, the Yankees are actually making a joke, its harmless and funny. It loosens up the clubhouse a little bit. How about you get off of your I Hate All Things Yan...

If so start cheering for the Pittsburgh Pirates. As I mentioned in my last post the DBacks have a significant 3 game lead over the Padres and a 4 game lead over the Colorado Rockies. Chances are significant with a few wins by the DBacks and a loss or two by the Rockies and Padres respectively that they could lock down the division by Thursday evening. This is where the Pittsburgh Pirates come in. The Pirates are of course miserable again this season and laid down for the Cubbies this past weekend, but now they have a chance to make the Playoff Race even more interesting. If the Pirates could win some games at home in their series against the DBacks starting today and the Rockies can gain at minimum a single game than the Rocks will entertain the Diamondbacks for a three game set with a chance to challenge for the division crown. Even better if the Pirates could somehow someway sweep the Arizona Diamondbacks we could have a 5 team cluster f*ck race the final weekend of the season. Im...

Every single season it seems like the Philadelphia Phillies are the runner up to the playoffs. They start out like garbage, there are calls for the managers head and then come August and the first three weeks of September they begin to make their move. They get right into the hunt until crash the last week comes and they sputter slightly and they just miss the postseason. Well for once can this squad play well down the stretch. If they somehow caught the Mets and shoved them out of the playoffs it would result in countless hilarious calls to local New York Stations. Yankee fans asking the Met fans if its still a Met town. Met fans calling for Randolph's head. I could be entertained for hour on end by the miserable Met fans. Mostly the I want the Phillies in the postseason because they are actually an interesting team to watch. They play hard, their stadium results in a ton of home runs and in any inning they could explode for 10 runs. If the Phillies and Mets make the postse...

Wow You Guys Suck: St. Louis Rams, So much for the Rams having the greatest show on Turf. 3 points? 3 miserable little points. I know the Bucs probably aren't as atrocious as I and many others thought, but they still aren't good. The Rams could quickly pack in their season with a loss next weekend when Jackson will be sitting on the sidelines all game. Runners Up: Buffalo is apparently on their way to being one of the worst teams in the NFL, the Detroit DBs responsible for covering Kevin Curtis Cough Cough Cough: Drew Brees, One year removed from being the runner up in the MVP and Brees is weekly putting up stink bombs. Multiple key turnovers in the 4th quarter eliminated any chance the Saints had of not sliding to 0-3. Runners Up: Philip Rivers is not holding up his end of the bargain, Sexy Rexy with another stinker. This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Joe Gibbs, Sometimes Hall of Fame Coaches do not out coach Tom Coughlin. By sometimes I mean approximately once and that on...

Hoorah for Kei Igawa as a Flying Monkey. Let us all enjoy Kei Igawa for the second time this season with a rousing laugh at how stupid he looks. I personally would have dressed him as a Beaver but the Monkey definitely works as well.

This will probably be down by the morning, but its too good to not post for at least a little bit. I don't think I've seen something this apropos in a long time.

"...Remember this they're unarmed." You are in Michigan Lou, they do have a lot of rifles up there. I wouldn't necessarily say that for sure. "The Difference between Michigan and Us, we expect to win." Yep Lou, they had beaten Penn St. 8 times in a row of course they don't expect to win. "They probably do a crossword puzzle with a pen cause they think they never made a mistake. They made a mistake when they scheduled Penn St." Those arrogant Michigan Wolverines being in the Big 10 and everything and having to play Penn St. I bet they did the schedule in Pen and everything.

Remember this is all about Quality Wins so beating Notre Dame might give you additional hype but it won't land you on this poll. 1. Louisiana State - Another quality opponen1 for the Tigers and another easy victory. They toyed with the Gamecocks by giving up the first touchdown and then laid the hammer down and let them score a few points in the last quarter. Who knew Les Miles could be so creative with the sweet Fake Field Goal which had the Ole Ball Coach laughing on the sidelines. Quality Wins: VaTech, South Carolina 2. Oregon - Oregon is making the leap up one spot. Why because Michigan is going to win their next 5 games after shutting down PSU this weekend and Houston hasn't lost a game since their opener to the Ducks. Sure the Ducks faltered a bit this weekend but they still tooled on Stanford in the second half and scored another 50+. Quality Wins: Houston, @Michigan 3. Oklahoma - Oklahoma got a nice boost this weekend from the fact that Miami laid the wood down o...

1. "So Mike, just to let you know I'm going to try to keep my job so you're gonna get 40 carries a game." 2. "Nothing like facing Joe Pa to make me look less senile." 3. "Thank the good lord, back to the Big 10 where we don't believe in having athletic quarterbacks that can torch our defense." 1. "I was going to propose two weeks ago after we beat Southern Florida, but we lost..." 2. "I was definitely going to propose last week after Miss St. but we lost." 3. "I thought about not proposing today because of that hideous dress but I have no idea when we will win another home game, so will you marry me." 1. "I'd like to thank Jesus for giving me legs. Without them none of this would be possible." 2. "I'd like to thank Jesus for allowing the Washington Huskies to be coached by Tyrone Willingham thus allowing me to run this kick back and praise Jesus." 3. "If Jesus really loved me I...

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I think I'm set in my ways to make this a weekly spot. Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout is born. Videos in Order Courtesy of 100% Injury Rate , Japan Probe , More 100%Injury Rate , Fanhouse , Who Ate All the Pies , More Who Ate All the Pies , MGoBlog Rock Paper Scissors is better with Pain. Refs should always watch for those hooks. Them Japanese are just such innovators. Concussions are no big Deal, I mean who cares if your vomiting right before the snap. Soccer Brawls are hilarious. I love the running push to the head, and all of the attempted jump kicks. How the hell do you do this? ND Should work on their pass protection.

I understand how people get fat. You eat crappy food and you lay around, it’s easy. What I don’t understand is how you get so fat that emergency workers have to cut a giant hole in the wall of your home, haul you out with an elevated forklift and then cart you to the hospital on a flatbed truck. I was pretty overweight for a while, and I can see how it happens to people. Now apparently this guy has some disease that compels him to eat because he always feels hungry, but not all of these half-ton folks in the news have that disease. So my question is, how in the world do you let yourself get that huge? I’ve compiled a list of warning signs that you might be getting a little on the heavy side here, some from my own experience. 1. Can’t bend over to pull socks on/tie your shoes; I recommend throwing your foot up on a knee, much more easy than bending over. 2. Can knit a sweater with the amount of lint that your belly button produces 3. Can’t see your junk; Not as much of a prob...

Everyone bashes Bush for different things, mostly his mishandling of the war. You know what Bush has fucked up? The damn economy. The US dollar is worth about as much as a pile of dog shit. It rots by the day and lowers in value. Getting a paycheck now is like buying a new car, the second you get it it's already decreased in value. I went to London in 2002 and traveled around Europe a bit and the exchange rates were already a collective kick in the nuts. They were rising daily and while I was over their the Euro surpassed the dollar in value for the first time. It was just slightly over so I would lose about 5 or so cents per dollar transfer to Euro. The pound was worth $1.57 so that was also a kick in the groin. Now? It's not even fucking close. The pound is worth 2 dollars and the Euro is worth $1.40 so you better saddle yourself up at the cheapest hostel if you plan on not drowning your bank account on a European Vacation. At the end of 2002 the US Dollar was worth $...

5. Dallas Cowboys (+3 1/2) at Chicago Bears The Bears offense is so shitty. It just might be worse this season than last year. If the Bears do win this game they'll most likely not do so by more than a field goal, so I'll lay it on the line and take Homo and his boys. 4. New York Jets (-3 1/2) vs. Miami Dolphins Yes this is a homer pick, I know, but the Dolphins suck. They have no offense whatsoever and their defense is getting torched on the ground. The Jets are going to win this game by more then a field goal regardless of whether Clemens or Pennington plays QB. 3. San Diego Chargers (-4 1/2) at Green Bay Packers I probably had the Packers with a better record then just about anybody in america in the preseason. I had them winning their division and going 10-6 so if anybody was going to pick them to cover against the Chargers it would probably be me. But their playing the Chargers, do not take a beat down of the Giants and a Chargers beatdown in New England as a sig...

There are some characters in this weeks waste of oxygen. Here are your contestants: 1. Teri Rhodes - When a volleyball player gets kills its typically a good thing. Not when it is regarding killing your newborn baby in the shower with a plastic bag via suffocation. Talk about scum. 2. Oscar De La Hoya - I don't know if these photos are fake but they certainly looked real to me and if they are real well Oscar might be a little bit gay. Or he might owe the mafia some money. Either way I wouldn't do the whole fish net drag thing again anytime soon. 3. Donovan McNabb - One day perhaps we will beyond this everything is a black white issue. Quarterbacks get criticized Donovan, that's how it works. And people get booed in Philadelphia. You know what probably could have saved you from criticism this week? Completing that wide open crossing route on 3rd down on monday night. 4. Charles Keith Turn - They may say he died of a heart attack now instead of just from a head...

5. Texas A&M Aggies at Miami Hurricanes Let's see if the Aggies will be a contender in the Big 12 this season. In the Hurricanes previous Big 12 showdown they got pummeled mercilessly by the Sooners. Can the Aggies follow suit? The Pick: I'm Stupidly Going to Pick the Hurricanes Again 4. Kentucky Wildcats at Arkansas Razorbacks A week after Kentucky's biggest victory in recent memory the Wildcats are ranked and delving into their SEC schedule. A trip to a hungry and bitter Razorback squad coming off their loss to Saban's boys in Bama will be very tough. The Pick: Razorbacks Roll 3. Georgia Bulldogs at Alabama Crimson Tide The Big SEC games roll at you every single week. Nick Saban knows this and I'm sure he tempered his teams excitement immediately following their dramatic win over the Razorbacks. For the Bulldogs this is pretty much their season, if they lose another SEC game they can kiss their division goodbye. The Gators aren't going to lose m The ...

The only portion of the Stephen A Smith and Mike Missanelli show I enjoy is the White Man quiz. Every so often Mike Missanelli will test Stephen A's knowledge of the White World, which is minuscule to say the very least. Today he asked Stephen A to guess whom was white and whom was black out of these baseball players: Dave Roberts Khalil Green Matt Kemp Garret Atkins Conor Jackson Stephen A immediately responded with a chuckle and a he's definitely black after Khalil Green's name was mentioned. In the end he also said Garret Atkins was black. So 1 for 5 in a 50/50 challenge. Stephen A Knows his baseball. The nation awaits your baseball wisdom.

So today I got an email from ESPN saying you haven't drafted you Prize Eligible team yet. I had to think about what the hell that meant for a second and then realized that I got a Prize Eligible team cause their site shit the bed last year . The email came with this following note: This is the only means to draft your team for the 2007 season. All teams will have their stats retroactively run for the first two weeks of the season based upon your drafted starting lineup. This retro process will run after your Live draft completed so you'll know if your team is 2-0, 1-1 or 0-2 immediately (draft wisely!). Hmm, how to draft a team when you know that you could win games in earlier weeks retroactively. Do you attempt to solidify wins in the first two weeks? Or do you try to draft people that will obviously slip since they performed so poorly in the opening weeks, like Larry Johnson. I went for trying to win the opening two weeks with the thinking that if I can get 2 wins right o...

Apparently there are preliminary schedules for the 2008 season which has been dug up by the Fanhouse . They have the Yankees finishing up the season in Boston, aka not finishing up the season in New York in Yankee Stadium. Instead the Mets will play their last home game of the season in Shea which is also set to be imploded come 2009. I have two points on this: 1) I don't particularly care if the Yanks play their last home game of the season at home. It shouldn't be the last game ever played at Yankee Stadium because they should be in the playoffs. If they're not in the playoffs then really whats the difference? It will be disappointing that the Stadium is done whether its the last Sunday of September or the 2nd to last Sunday. 2) Meanwhile the cross town Mets will be a little more questionable for the playoffs next season. Glavine, El Duque and Pedro will all be another year older. Who knows if Glavine even comes back. Lo Duca is a free agent, Delgado could regres...

Early today in Great Britain Chelsea Manager Jose Mourinho left by 'mutual consent' , which means someone told him to get the hell out of Stamford Bridge. In his 3+ seasons with the Blues from London he has lead the club to 2 Premiership Titles and a 2nd place finish last season. The last time Chelsea won the Premiership title prior? The 1954-55 season, which just so happens to have been Chelsea's only First Division title in their history. So in a three year period he tripled their amount of titles. In addition he won the FA Cup once which they had only one three times before as well as the League Cup twice, matching their previous two trophies. Granted some of their success is due to them being bought by Billionaire Russian Roman Abromovich who burst open his piggy bank, but still success is success. So what got him fired? An owner who makes George Steinbrenner in his angry hey day look mild in comparison. Abromivich wanted a Champions League Trophy, signifying t...