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Is Dan Haren Gonna Have to Choke a Bitch?

Dan Haren must look at his record this season as he goes to bed at night and contemplate bringing a battle axe to work so that he can crush his teammates. Haren currently ranks 3rd in the NL with a 2.33 ERA yet sits with a record of 4-4 and thanks to the piss poor contributions of his teamates.

The first stretch of miserable team work was Haren's opening outings. Over the course of a week and a half Haren pitched three times to the tune of a 1.89 ERA, in other words he gave up 4 runs in 3 games. How did Haren's record look after these three starts? 0-3. Yep, in 3 games he got exactly 1 run of support.

Over the next three starts Haren continued to dominate giving up just 3 runs in 3 starts and rattling off three more wins. He followed up the rest of May with a few mediocre starts including one that was rained out after the first inning and thus his record moved to 4-4.

Than last week happenned. Haren had a two start week against two division rivals. In both games he left with a large lead, banking on the bullpen to close the door and collect the needed 6 outs. Against the Dodgers earlier in the week the pen exploded giving up 5 runs in the 8th to lose the game 6-5. Yesterday, the pen did a similar job, this time giving up 5 runs in the ninth capped off by a DAVID ECKSTEIN HOME RUN. I repeat a 3-run home run by a man with 20 career homers in nearly a decade.

Thus 1/3 of the way through the season, Haren has easily pitched like a Cy Young candidate but thanks to the putrid help he's gotta from his teammates Haren's record is worse than Bronson Arroyo's and his 5.00 ERA.

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