Tuesday, July 31, 2007
This weekend I turned on Sportscenter on saturday and sunday and what did I find? Well immense coverage of NASCAR and storylines that went for 20 minutes at a time. I wanted to punch myself in the face repeatedly. ESPN has NASCAR now oh great why don't they just subject me to countless hours of NASCAR coverage on sportscenter so I could thusly hate Sportscenter like it seems the rest of the world does. Can't they just have their 2 hour NASCAR now shows on ESPN 2 that way I know not to tune in?
Well the funniest part of it all is that NASCAR fans can't stand ESPN covering NASCAR. So lets get this straight, NASCAR fans hate ESPN covering NASCAR and general sports fans like myself hate ESPN covering NASCAR, isn't that classic. Oh and now even Tony Stewart who won the Brickyard 400 this weekend says ESPN's coverage sucks.
Can't we get the damn races on the SPEED Network or something? Atleast the Onion did a solid job of making fun of how NASCAR is simply taking left hand turns.
Oh and furthermore ESPN apparently thinks the biggest moment in NASCAR history is Dale Earnhardt dieing. Talk about Morbid.
So chances are you have zero idea who Alvaro Espinoza is, I mean he wasn't exactly a top notch baseball player ever in his career. However, he was the starting Shortstop for the Yankees from 89-91 when they absolutely sucked (212-273).
Anyway my little cousin asked me who my favorite Yankee was growing up and I jokingly said Espinoza, why well because I don't remember him ever getting base hits and his name epitomized the Yankees during their suckitude. So of course I than google searched him and came across this image which is owe so classic. The massive glasses where each lens is about the size of his entire cheek plus the perfect mustache with absence of hair directly below the nostrils.
This mustache is so classic that I felt compelled to put a write in vote for Alvaro at the Greatest Sports Mustache site. So the question is, who wants an Espinoza Mustache Ride?
Get on the Roids or Blood Doping Conor and perhaps you will soon enough be able to compete in France. Until then I would work on keeping the handlebars on the bike.
"He has A.D.D." What a classic excuse after blatant douche baggery.
Monday, July 30, 2007
First off, I just want to preface a few of my biases. 1) I hate Danny Ainge and Doc Rivers and 90% of the stuff they do pisses me off. 2) Al Jefferson has been my favorite Celtic since his rookie season and he's the only sports jersey I have bought since I got a Michigan jersey during the title run in 1997. Ok now that I have stated my biases lets vent.
This deal sucks. No doubt in my mind that this deal is the wrong deal for this franchise and essentially leaves the team with three aging once superstars and nothing else. Thus only looking like a contender when they flat out aren't one.
KG What Changed Your Mind
Can we not ignore the fact that only two months ago Garnett wanted absolutely nothing to do with Boston? This deal was set months ago but KG didn't want to deal with the wintry weather. He vetoed the deal, aka gave Boston a big middle finger, why should we ignore this fact, I certainly refuse to.
So what changed your mind KG? Did Ray Allen change your mind? The addition of a 32 year old who has had less playoff success than yourself really changed your mind? Or did you just come to the realization that Boston was the only other option than Minnesota? Was it that Phoenix just wasn't going to happen and that if you wanted to get out of the shit factory which is the Timberwolves franchise and actually make the playoffs next year you were going to have to succumb and agree to head to the Northeast? Maybe it was Allen, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the latter reason had a very large part in your decision.
I'm sure the 125 million dollar 5 year extension plus the extra 6.75 million dollar trade kicker didn't hurt the decision much.
Big Al vs. KG
I'm not going to make the case that Jefferson is as good as KG, I'm not that biased but let's look at essentially the difference between the two last season and for the future.
First lets state the biggest advantages of getting KG and slotting him into the roster instead of Big Al. There are three primary reasons why he will be a better player over the next few seasons. First off, Big Al is not a good defensive player at this stage of his life he needs to work on his footwork and man on man defense and his propensity to pick up stupid fouls. KG is a big time upgrade in this category. Secondly KG is a much better passer, Big Al was slowly improving his passing skills the second half of the season but KG has the ability to average 5 assists per game. Finally KG will supply a better veteran presence and should meld well with Pierce and the newly acquired Ray Allen.
Ok and now onto the Big Al point of view. Over the Entire Season Big Al averaged 16 and 11, but that doesn't really state the entire argument. Post all star break Big Al averaged 20 points and 11 rebounds. KG's averages last year? 22.4 points 12.8 rebounds. And while you may say that he was the focal point and that he experienced double teams every time he touched the ball, then apparently you didn't watch much of the Celtics last year. Big Al was the only person in the low post that could score, he often faced the same double teams. And he put up basically 20 a game with almost 3 less shots per game.
One major difference between Big Al and KG's scoring is the fact that as his age has increased KG has become much more of a finesse, jump shooting, big man and much less of a low block, post up force whereas Big Al does almost all of his scoring on the low block. Another major difference, well age obviously. Big Al is 22 and could potentially get better whereas KG is 31 and probably has seen his best years pass him by. Could Jefferson potentially become a 25 point 12 rebound per game guy in 08-09? Sure, I can see it. Will KG average 25 and 12 per game in 08-09? Almost certainly not. In fact KG for all his glory has never averaged 25 points per game. His numbers peaked in 03-04 when he averaged 24.2 and 13.9. Throw in the fact that KG will be signing a 5 year 125 million dollar extension therefore locking him up at 25 mill until he's 36 and trading Big Al for KG straight up could be seriously questioned.
6 For 1 is Typically a Bad Thing
Here's the main problem with this deal, in addition to giving up Jefferson which intensely pains me, the Celtics are giving up all of their chips. They give up the expiring contracts of Ratliff and Telfair, they give up Green who is the only other player on the roster to potentially become a 20 per game scorer, they give up Gomes, a potentially valuable backup and they give up a 1st round pick. Essentially they are trading 6 pieces for an additional 3 points 2 rebounds 2 assists and better post defense from their power forward and a very a bloated contract.
The Franchise in the Near Future
So where does this leave them? People are saying that now they should be able to contend wih in the crappy Eastern Conference and maybe that will be the case but color me very skeptical. Surely the Celtics would have one of the most talented cores in the entire shitty conference, their Big '3' would surpass the Nets Kidd, Jefferson, Carter trio, however the remainder of their roster is putrid.
Their starting point guard would be Rajon Rondo who for the most part is too green to be the starting point guard of a championship contender. His jump shot needs work, and hell, he committed a lot of turnovers in the summer league. Their starting center would probably be Kendrick Perkins, who makes Tony "Brickhands" Battie look like he has Hakeem Olajuwon like touch. Compare that with the Nets other two starters Nenad Krstic and Jamaal Magloire and it isn't even a close who wins that battle.
Their bench? Well thats just terrible and consists of only one veteran and who happens to suck (Brian Scalabrine), one guy coming off major knee surgery (Tony Allen), and a ton of youth including Big Baby, Leon Powe, Gabe Pruitt, and Brandon Wallace. So who's contributing on this teams bench? My guess is no one.
So do you honestly think three past their prime stars can single handedly carry a franchise to a NBA title? I don't. At best I see a finals appearance in the next two years, and maybe thats good enough for some fans but I'm of the championship or bust mentality.
Franchise in the Distant Future
Well not that distant think 4 to 5 years and beyond. They will still have Paul and KG on their roster and incredibly bloated salaries for players that are well past their primes. And since they should expect to make the playoffs in the next few seasons and have traded away all of their potential burgeoning stars they will have nothing to look forward to. Perhaps in years 4 and 5 with KG the Celtics will still be good enough to make the playoffs but that just means come years 6 and 7 when KG is gone they will immediately revert to being the worst franchise in the NBA.
The bloated contracts of KG, Pierce and Allen give them no financial wiggle room, it will lead to garnering no solid draft picks and they essentially are guaranteed to be in the tank starting with the 2012-2013 season. I understand this is far down the road, and perhaps you are of the mindset that you should only care about winning now, but if the roster isn't good enough to win a title now, which I don't think it will be, then the Celtics are essentially solidifying the fact that they won't add any more banners until I'm in my mid to upper 30s at the earliest.
The Worst Part About this Deal
What's the worst part about this deal? Unless there are mass injuries there is no way the Celtics won't make the playoffs in the next few seasons, almost insuring that the incompetent duo of Doc Rivers and Danny Ainge will remain the brain trust. First off, their track record the past few seasons has been far from impeccable, Rivers doesn't have a solid record and Ainge has made some very poor trades, see Brandon Roy for Telfair package.
But here's the part that kills me, ever since they drafted Big Al they have essentially had it out for him and for that I blame Doc Rivers. When Big Al was a rookie he was still the Celtics best low post scorer yet Doc never gave him consistent minutes. Just look at his gamelog for his rookie season one game Big Al scored 19 points in 18 minutes the next game he played 8 minutes? He would get a few double digit minute games in a row and then there would be a token single digit minute game. The next season was much of the same and last year it took him over a month to be thrust into the starting lineup and injuries forced him to play Big Al a ton of minutes.
However its evident that Doc just doesn't like Big Al that much. He came out in the press and said that the Celtics fans were overstating Big Al's ability. In addition Danny Ainge has floated Big Al's name out in almost every trade scenario for the past two seasons. Why would you constantly include your best young player in every single trade offer? Why are you that set on getting rid of the guy and at the very least shattering any faith he has in your franchise.
This has been my longest rant ever at SimonOnSports and I guess it's simply built up hatred for Danny and Doc and their overwhelming desire to trade my favorite Celtic along with every other chip of value for a 31 year old aging superstar that they are going to incredibly overpay. One that I've never been that fond of. I don't think the deal is the right move, I don't think they will win a championship and even worse I think it means I'll have to see those two asses roaming the sidelines for the foreseeable future. Damnit, this sucks.
Correction doing a Sheffield is more like calling Latin players conformists, or Jeter for being half n' half, or the most recent calling Bud Selig a Grandstander. Perhaps the Tigers should invest in a muzzle.
Courtesy of Epic Carnival
Steve Phillips first draft pick ever as the General Manager of the Mets? Jason Tyner, who hit his first home run of his entire career this weekend after only needing 1,220 at bats.
"I'm excited," Tyner said after the win. "Every time I hit one really well, it was like the wind was blowing in or it was at the Metrodome, where I don't really have a chance. It did seem like I never was going to hit one."
Woah is there a hint of Sergio Garcia esque excuses there from Tyner? I think so.
Um, dudes a snap is a snap. He doesn't necessarily need to say hike or hut. Poor kids, they're brains are only as developed as that Japanese High School Catcher.
Update: Apparently its a phenomenon.
So I don't really have any idea how this works, or why this would say that this here website was worth 37 grand. Probably some weird ass calculations that are completely invalid, however if someone truly thinks this here site is worth 37 grand, I can be bought, ha.
Saw this at AA from the 26th Man.
It happens every day somewhere. You know it when you hear it. So and so hasn't done something and then bam it happens almost immediately. John Doe hasn't missed a field goal within 30 yards in 10 years, shank wide left.
Well this always ticks me off so I think I'm going to put a running tab on some of the more notable broadcaster jinxes that I hear starting with one that bothered me yesterday.
Jeremy Bonderman's ESPN Radio Jinx
So I'm driving along in the car to my girlfriend's place listening to the pregame of ESPN's Sunday night broadcast on the radio with Dan Schulman and Soup Campbell. They begin discussing how the Tigers' pitching had been whacked around mercilessly by the Angels this weekend and how they were desperate for a quality start and some innings to save themselves from once again using their bullpen for a lot of innings.
Then Schulman brings up a stat and immediately I think to myself, oh god Bonderman is f'd tonight. He says "Good thing for the Tigers that Bonderman is on the hill tonight, he has gone at least 5 innings in every single start this season." And immediately I think to myself, "Oh God, he hasn't been pummeled yet this season, here it comes because of that exact statement. So I get to my girlfriend's apartment, throw on the game and there he is in the first inning sucking it up. He's given up 4 runs already, and I think to myself, super, but at least he got through the inning. Then I change the channel and come back a bit later and the scoreboard reads 12 runs for the Angels in the 4th inning and where's Bonderman? Well not on the mound of course.
His final line read: 2.1 Innings, 4 Ks, 9 Hits, 3 BBs, 10 Runs, 2 WPs 38.57 ERA
This was Bonderman's worst start of his entire career. This is a kid who lost 19 games his rookie season and this was the worst start of his entire career. He raised his ERA this season from 3.69 to 4.33. And it all started with Schulman's comment.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Oh those crazy Japanese. Aj Pierzynski would be so proud.
The funniest part just might be the fact it takes the umpires forever to get the right call and then he has to broadcast to the entire stadium how the Yokohama Bay Stars are a bunch of morons.
My guess is the next strikeout the catcher will tag the batter.
Courtesy of Deadspin
Friday, July 27, 2007
Well that's certainly not true. But I did find it funny that me finding and posting a video of a dude knocking out another dude with a single kick could get linked at TIME.com for a related blog post to their article. And that a lil old SimonOnSports link could be an inch away from a link to the TIME Person of the Year.
Humorous Google Searches to Lead to SOS
My Favorite: Google Search Something Fun to Do and there's my link to something fun to do while pissing. Don't know if that was what they were looking for.
Either my buddy Brent Shannon is either very much interested in himself or there are a few people out there trying to stalk him down as that has led to 81 hits over the past month. Oh and Barrett was on the web searching for himself. And best yet is Walker posing for playgirl?
As Jose Maria Olazabal was his Spanish predecessor in golf he also was his predecessor in getting linked here for a homosexual search. That's right Sergio Garcia Homosexual google search hits up SimonOnSports.
Some other favorites: Kei Igawa Sucks, Justine Henin Herpes, Caught masterbating (probably cause I spelled it wrong), I Hate Steve Phillips.
Countries I've Learned Hits to SOS
I installed Google Analytics in mid may to go with the previously installed Statcounter. The Combo is cool and they show some different stuff. My favorite part about analytics is this map and the fact it holds all the data. Anyway the website is giving me a geography lesson.
Have you ever heard of Eritrea before? I didn't think so.
Mostly it's a lesson in tiny pieces of land like Turks and Caicos, Antigua and Barbuda, Gibraltar, Bahrain, and Malta.
Below is the little map on analytics that shows what countries I've registered hits at which include 3 from Iraq, woo. North Korea you're next. And where's the Khazakhi love?
Oh and that SPIKE ad that pops up every once in awhile about the Sexiest Bartenders is pretty pimp.
I believe this is something the ole college roommate should give a try.
Next time you head out to the bar you can play a new game which is being played by Premiership Football Players in the UK. See they enjoy drinking just as much as the next 20 something year old man, but they have bank so they need to spice it up. So what do they do is, well, they play a game where a single person has to pay for every single round during that evening and how do they decide who it is? Simple, whoever brings the least amount of hard cash to the bar is forced to pick up the entire tab.
So basically if you see a few rich ass soccer players rollin into your local
British pub you can expect them to be packin up to a couple hundred thousand pounds of dough in their pocket.
Personally I think there should be a secondary bet involved where the person with the most cash is forced to make it rain at the local strip club, but perhaps that is just me.
Courtesy of The Offside
Courtesy of Pro Football Talk where they have a funny pic like this daily.
How does this not kill? She got up in about 3 seconds flat, damn she's about a million times tougher than Pavano.
This stories just keep on coming week after week. Tasering, gambling, assaulting it was a noteworthy week for idiots and morons. Here are your contestants:
|1. Scott Olsen - This guy needs some anger management courses. He seems to weekly get in a different fight with a different teammate and then he runs multiple stop signs while being chased by the cops. The cops were even forced to use a stun gun on him so he would comply. He needs some counseling bad.|
2. Phan Van Tai Em - Typically you know when your team is bad and you set expectations as to how far you believe you can make it in a tournament. But when you're the player of the year and on your national soccer team and you are playing in the asian cup you think maybe you wouldn't schedule important events on tournament dates. Like scheduling your wedding during the quarterfinals and then skipping out on the match.
3. Tim Donaghy - If you don't know what this clown did yet than you haven't been paying attention.
4. Ron Mercer - I was starting to worry there for few weeks that athletes were no longer going to the strip clubs. But fear not the former Celtics bust first round draft pick made the world make sense to me again. As he was arrested for aggravated assault stemming from a scuffle at a strip club and so was his friend who stabbed the bouncer. The world is still on its axis.
Last Weeks Winner: Gary Sheffield
Sometimes soccer players just suck at life, it's a true story. The best shot is at at the 2:36 mark where a player attempts to clear a lob pass into the penalty box and instead kicks it off his face and into the goal. Now throw that one on the highlight reel for best defense man of the millennium.
Courtesy of Who Ate All the Pies
Thursday, July 26, 2007
So if Steroids are an illegal drug and taking them is illegal and distributing them is illegal shouldn't developing a new strain of undetectable steroids be illegal? Shouldn't this guy be doing the interview in an orange jump suit?
Courtesy of the Sports Frog
Yesterday as I got into my car and hit the typical evening traffic I put on the ole radio and was pleased to find out that Eric Mangini was going to be interviewed on 1050 ESPN radio on the Michael Kay show sans Michael Kay. So I tuned in and listened and it was the worst interview in the history of the world. Don LaGreca and Greg Buttle asked question after question which Mangini never directly answered. He skirted around every single question and threw out generic answer after generic answer, it was horrendous.
For instance they asked about the troubles Vilma had in adjusting to the 3-4 last year and his response was how the Jets like to play a versatile defense and that they like to set up their play book from week to week to minimize the opponents strengths and take advantage of their weaknesses and that Vilma was a very versatile player and that's why they like him. That doesn't answer the question at all.
So after all that frustration I turned on WFAN to find out that well, guess what, coming right after 20/20 Francessa would be interviewing Jets Head Coach Eric Mangini, not more than 10 minutes after the conclusion of the 1050 interview. So I thought to myself, I guess I'll listen perhaps he'll be a bit different in this interview. Wrong. Dead wrong.
Francessa asked him about the NFL and their crimes and then directly asked him about the Justin Miller offseason scenario (aka punching a woman) and what he thought about his offseason. Mangini came back and started talking about how Justin worked hard in the offseason and that they were pleased with his progress as a Dback and his workout regimen. Then Francessa clarified his question asking about personal conduct and Mangini started discussing how personal conduct is important to the Jets organization and they pride themselves on personal conduct. Again not answering the question at all.
Francessa then tried to pursue another hot topic and asked him if Randy Moss could severely improve the Patriots and Mangini went on a tangent again. Saying that the Patriots system is very mature and tested and that when you bring in any player you hope that they improve your team but it takes a team to achieve anything. Aka lots of words no substance whatsoever.
Eventually this all led to Francessa telling Mangini that he was already in midseason interview form. Indeed he was, he didn't answer a single god damn question and I wasted 30 minutes of my life over nothing. Ugh.
If you want to punish yourself you can listen to the WFAN Interview and the 1050 Interview. I would suggest taking my advice and not listening to either.
Alex Rodriguez is currently on a chase to do something that hasn't been done since the Mick in '56, but last night he already matched a legendary Yankee. After smacking his 35th homer last night, Alex Rodriguez matched Babe Ruth as the only players in history to have 11 seasons with 35+ Home Runs and 100+ rbis.
Babe Ruth hit this plateau at the age of 37 in 1932 when he belted 41 dingers and 137 rbis in 133 games. Arod turns 32 on Friday. And granted Ruth spent much of his youth as a pitcher in Boston and didn't accomplish 35+ 100+ until he was 25 but it still highlights how great of a player Arod has been over the course of his career. His career numbers are staggering and his current season is amazing.
When he hits his 500th homer run sometime in the near future he will eclipse Jimmie Foxx as the youngest player to reach 500 hundred and he will do so by almost and entire year.
Toss a few rings on those fingers and a couple more Arod-esque years and he will be considered without question the greatest player to ever put on a baseball uniform.
This is obviously an ancient newspaper from Northern Arizona University, but it's still quite humorous. How did the Copy Editor read that and not think, hmm, I wonder if campus is going to line up at this girls dorm room post game for jack offs.
Courtesy of GiggleSugar
Things not to put at the bottom of a sledding hill: boulders, a crowd of children and a Buick. Put the sound on for this one, it makes it more painful.
Courtesy of We Are the Postmen
Hmm is Mr. Arod starting to think about possibly a long term stay in the Tri-State Area and perhaps a nice fat extension to keep him in Pin Stripes for a few more years?
According to the New York Post Arod and his wife went house shopping recently and intently looked at a 25 million dollar estate in Greenwich, CT. My favorite part of the column is they some how infer that this means he's going to stay with his wife and that this could be his "Kobe" moment.
But in addition to the Greenwich mansion, Rodriguez, 31, also has checked out a Manhattan townhouse for possible purchase, indicating he expects such a deal with the Yankees to happen. It also suggests that he plans on staying together with his wife, Cynthia, despite revelations in late May that he was traveling across the continent with a busty, blond stripper named Joslyn Noel Morse.
"This could be A-Rod's 'Kobe Bryant moment,' " said one source, referring to the Los Angeles Lakers star's purchase of a $4 million diamond ring for his wife right after being hit with rape charges that later were dropped.
That's just classic. First of all we don't even know for sure if he even slept with the woman. Secondly, they assume that because "he's" looking for a house, as in his realtor was seen looking at a home, means that he plans to stay with the Yanks and his wife. And finally comparing buying a house to Kobe getting his wife some bling. Hilarious. Sometimes newspapers read way way too much into stuff.
Courtesy of The New York Post
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Jebus, Ed what happened to your hairline? I know Jake Plummer was a terrible Bronco but did it get you that depressed that you decided you wanted to look like him? Well, minus the baldness. Poor guy.
Check out the rest of the jersey wearing mugshots at The Smoking Gun. They are all quite humorous. HT (Deadspin)
~So I've noticeably not talked much about the biggest scandals in sports recently, mostly cause everyone else on the planet has put their two cents in. So I didn't want to do an individual post daily on the Vick, Donaghy, Bonds etc., sagas. So I'm gonna roll it all into one quick notes.
Mike Vick and the Ron Mexico Doggies
~First on Vick, I think he's pretty much screwed as does everyone else. I doubt he plays a down for Atlanta this season, and personally don't care if he does. I think there's no way he gets away with not knowing that the stuff went down because he was the sole financier and it's highly doubtful he can prove that he didn't even ask where his money was going and had no knowledge of the dog fighting.
~As for the crimes, I'm not a PETA person so I think they're bad but not the worst acts ever committed. The worst part to me is the way they killed some of the dogs that were weak with drownings, electrocutions, and just pummeling the dogs on the ground, that's pretty horrendous. But as for the fights themselves, I'm not saying I would go watch them or that I approve of them, but I just don't see them being the end of the world and I'm surprised this is that big of a crime. Sure dogs ravaging themselves is cruelty to animals, but so is just about everything else we humans do. The fighting takes it to another level but still hunting isn't cruelty to animals? We kill pigs all the time, technically they are smarter animals than dogs, we have no problem with that because its for a food source, but when its for deranged peoples entertainment its hideously wrong. Hell we chain calves down and don't let them move so we can have a tender piece of veal, I don't see that many people holding up when they have a nice dish in front of themselves. There's evidence of cruelty to animals in surrounding sports even, just look at horse racing where if a horse breaks its damn leg its time to send them to the glue factory, and they used to kill those horses with nail guns. Thats nice.
~As for the NFL, I don't really think this will do much negatively for the NFL. Come Sunday afternoons are you going to boycott games? No. And now that the NFL will suspend Vick soon enough, PETA won't be involved.
~Speaking of PETA, they are despicable. They claim to be high and mighty and lovers of animals and that the whole Vick thing is horrendous. Yet, they have no problem trying to sell anti-Vick apparel so they can turn a profit. They are so slimy.
~As for the Falcons, they weren't going to be good anyway. They still have limited talented skill players. Joe Horn is past his prime. Warrick Dunn is past his prime. Their offense was going to be the same as it has been the past few years. Not good enough to get it done.
~My favorite part is how people are killing the Falcons for trading Matt Schaub now. They got two 2nd round picks for a guy that has never done anything in his NFL career. Would I rather have Joey Harrington at QB and two 2nd round picks, or Matt Schaub? I go with the former. I know Harrington has been a relative bust, but the Lions were terrible for those years and he wasn't that bad for the Dolphins last season. They're making it out like Matt Schaub is a guaranteed star in this league, guy was a 3rd round pick and played well one game against the Patriots, what does that prove?
Donaghy and Stern's Shaving Love Affair
~I think this story is being blown out of proportion too. We don't know any details as of yet, and people are treating it like it's the worst possible outcome already. Can we just once wait until all the details are out before we jump on the story like it's the end of the world?
~Mostly I just want to know about his playoff game betting. As we all know the regular season is completely meaningless. So if he effected who won a game in the regular season it is bad, but chances are it had no effect on the final standings. Thus, meaningless. If all he did was effect the Over/Under and spread of regular season games and never the full outcome of a game then damn, we shouldn't care at all right now. He's fired and he's done with, hopefully no other jackass does it again, but be thankful that it didn't effect anything major.
~Now if he really did blow game 3 of the Suns series and was betting on the outcome of that game then the guy should be crucified by the public and should definitely be sent to jail. That's actually relevant. I have a feeling he didn't though, as I watched the video which claimed that there were a ton of bad fouls called, and there were, but they were distributed equally between the three officials. In essence they all sucked equally. I didn't see anything where he stuck out above the other three.
~Stern's press conference seemed resigned to the fact that he really can't do anything about it, and that's true. It's not his fault, it's not the leagues fault it's one ref being a douche. Simple as that, I'd be willing to bet that the vast majority of refs in the NBA have never even let that thought hit their mind.
~Let's just repeat this, the NBA regular season results are irrelevant.
Selig and Bonds Hugfest
~This story is so old it's just sickening that people continue to talk about it daily. Selig is going to go to the game. Woo, who cares. He goes to the game or he doesn't, what does it matter? We all know that he doesn't think much of Bonds and hates the fact that he's going to break the record.
~Apparently Bonds ex-mistress is going to pose for Playboy and give a tell all interview. I wonder if she's seeking to make some cash. Ya, I'm going to believe everything she says in the interview.
~The record is already officially dead. We all knew it was eventually going to fall to Bonds years ago. Everyone held out a glimmer of hope, but come on, you knew it was going to happen. Get over it, give a token woo when you see Barry hit 756 and that'll be it. Of course I'm sure that ESPN and other networks will cover it for the remainder of the season regardless of when it actually happens. Ugh. Waste of my time.
~OK That's all I got on that stuff... Well for today at least.
Do not try to dunk on the streets of China, those be some tricky fellows. The hoop just might come down on your head and cut that shit off.
Kid's lucky he didn't snap his neck in the process. And the fans are lucky that pole didn't impale them like the javelin in the French long jumper last week. That would certainly suck.
This kids name is John Hatzis and this kid came in 2nd place in all of Ontario in the 38 Kg class. And to state the obvious he has nothing more than stumps for legs. So his accomplishment is pretty impressive.
Must be tough to know you're facing a kid that's just as good as you and has some advantages over you, namely upper body strength, but the perception is going to be negative regardless. Another one of those you win one and you beat a kid with no legs, you lose and damn you are terrible.
Presenting the Debate: Sergio Garcia is currently dating Greg Norman's daughter Morgan. The debate is to whether or not this association hurts, benefits or is irrelevant to his golf game.
The For Argument: Well she looks pretty damn good and her father was a terrific golfer and has boatloads of money. Norman did win two major championships during the course of his career and perhaps his knowledge could help Sergio finally get over the hump at the tournament which best suites his game. Also, maybe Normans experiences of finishing just short could help him.
The Against Argument: Well she is now associated with two of historians most classic runners up. No one in the golfing world finished just short more than Greg Norman. He's got no Masters wins but had 9 top 6 finishes including 3 runner up finishes. That's painful. But to make it worse much of it was Norman choking in the final round ala Sergio, which included him shooting a 78 on a sunday where he came into the day with a 6 stroke lead. Sergio at 27 now 13 top ten finishes and has finished in the top 5 at The Open Championship the past three years including back to back choke jobs. See the similarities? Sergio is on record as saying something extra is working against him at these majors, perhaps its this association with Greg "Just Short" Norman.
The Its Irrelevant Argument: It's just a coincidence, Sergio would be a choker regardless of the association.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
I didn't think anything could possibly make NASCAR less watchable but bright neon colors showing the drafting of the cars as they drive across the screen? Well that just might do it. What the Hell are they thinking?
Courtesy of Awful Announcing
Wouldn't it hurt to play soccer without a sports bra? Hmm, questions to ponder.
Oh and I'd advise not watching these videos at work, but if you're a risk taker than go ahead. (NSFW)
If you played full out nude shouldn't you still wear shin guards? Another question to ponder.
Now if you got a few of these chicks to play in the MLS instead of David Beckham then I think you could get a solid viewership. Until then I think the league might continue to struggle.
Courtesy of Epic Carnival
Curtis Martin is finally set to call it a career this week as it's being reported that he will finally announce his retirement this week. During my 24 years on this earth there has never been a better player to wear a Jet uniform and through the shitty years and the good years he was always one glimmer of hope wearing green. He wraps up his career as the fourth leading rusher of all time and holds the record for most consecutive 1000 yard seasons to start a career with Barry Sanders at 10.
The reason why Curtis never gets any love as one of the best backs of all time, or even one of the best backs of his generation is evident by searching for videos on youtube of him. The guy was just not a highlight reel. He didn't have blazing speed or incredible Barry Sanders like moves, what he did have was a nose to get the extra yard on every single play and an unparalleled work ethic.
So in the end when you go to find some kind of highlight for Curtis, this is what you get, a weird commercial with Tiki Barber.
Everyone knows that A-rod is compiling mighty stats but do people truly understand the magnitude of the season he is currently undertaking? He is leading almost all offensive stats in the majors. Here's a complete rundown of A-Rod and his current standings in all of Major League Baseball.
Average: 23rd, .313 to .362 (Magglio)
Hits: 21st, 114 to 138 (Ichiro)
OBP: 9th, .414 to .497 (Bonds)
XBH: 2nd, 59 to 61 (Utley)
SLUG: 1st, .662 to .614 (Howard)
OPS: 1st, 1.077 to 1.067 (Bonds)
Runs: 1st, 94 to 86 (Sheffield)
RBI: 1st, 100 to 85 (Morneau)
HR: 1st, 34 to 30 (Prince)
Those last three are what I want to focus on. As rare as the triple crown is, being first in the AL or NL in the three categories of runs, rbi and HRs is almost as rare. And to lead the entire major leagues in these three categories is even more rare.
The last person to accomplish this feat in their respective league was Mike Schmidt in the strike shortened 1981 season and he was far surpassed in runs scored by Ricky Henderson if you combine the leagues. In 1967 Yaz won the triple crown but was barely nipped in runs scored by Hank Aaron and Lou Brock over in the NL so he pulled off the AL R,RBI, and HR titles. The year prior in '66 Frank Robinson won the triple crown but he was again thwarted by Hank Aaron on the other side, this time by 5 rbi. In 1963 Hank Aaron led the NL in all categories but lost out on homers to Harmon Killebrew by 1.
So who was the last person to lead all major league baseball in the categories of runs, rbi and homers? Roger Maris during his 1961 61 home run season. And even then he didn't win each category outright. He tied Mickey Mantle with 132 runs scored and Orlando Cepeda with 142 rbi.
The last to win it outright in both leagues? Mickey Mantle in 1956 with 52 homers, 132 runs and 130 rbi. Arod is on pace to blast by all those marks, but to Micks credit he won the Triple Crown that year as well. So it's time for you to pick up that average Arod, you slacker.
Monday, July 23, 2007
I wonder how much time you need to have on your hands to be good enough to juggle a ball while climbing objects. Me thinks he might have a bit too much spare time on his hands. Kind of like myself except he doesn't like computers.
Things that you should probably watch out for during the first 5 minutes of an MMA fight: a kick to the face. Ouch.
Biggest Problem: No one Cares about Hockey in America anymore. The ratings for games are atrocious and the NHL finals have been relegated to VS, a channel that not many Americans get.
Other Problems: The financial structure of the NHL is not sound. The Southern Expansion of franchises was moronic.
His Advil: No one cares about hockey, thus the dumb decisions he makes and the stupid stuff that happens in hockey is much more likely to fly under the radar than any other sport.
Biggest Problem: Players acting like ass bags. From Vick to Pacman to Tank to the entire Bengals team every day there is something news worthy and negative in regards to the NFL.
Other Problems: The NFL doesn't garner much interest or talent internationally.
His Advil: The NFL is all powerful in America. Sunday is synonymous with the NFL. People crave football more than any sport in America and that is unlikely to change anytime in the near future.
Biggest Problem: The referee point shaving scandal and the resulting league integrity questions.
Other Problems: Much like the NFL Stern has to deal with off the court issues from players along the lines of Steven Jackson and Ron Artest. In addition, the regular season is highly insignificant and the vast majority of talent in the league plays west of the Mississippi, far away from the majority of the US population.
His Advil: He does have young superstars in place. Lebron James made his first NBA finals, and the addition of Durant and Oden to the league will only spark more interest next season. In addition the NBA has a strong international base with interest throughout Europe and China.
Biggest Problem: The steroid scandal and Barry's soon to be destruction of the most prolific record in American sports.
Other Problems: Baseball's diminishing American inner city talent pools and diminishing tv numbers.
His Advil: For the most part, with the exception of the occasional DUI tasering, his players don't have blow out problems with the law. League wide attendance is on the rise and the league is fully entrenched in important cities like NY, LA and Boston.
"Oh look at me I'm french and I like to prance around on the pitch with my new long haired Brazilian teammate, Ronaldinho. I am so gay right now. Give me a smooch." Thierry Henry
Via Caught Offside
Coach "So you're sayin right there he was safe"
Coach "But you called him out for the hell of it"
Ump "Ya I did"
Well that is just figgin hilarious. Best umpiring ever. Dude pissed me off last inning so he was getting called out regardless. Classic.
Courtesy of the Fanhouse
The Open Championship final round was one of the most entertaining rounds of golf I have ever watched. It went back and forth between the leaders. Had people making birdies, eagles, double bogeys down the stretch. A playoff between two great golfers and an Argentine unknown pulling shots out of his ass. It was great.
Sergio es Un Choko
I said I wanted Sergio to win the damn thing, and I said I wanted to see how he would handle the whole thing coming down the stretch, so I got one of two. I really don't think Sergio played that poorly on Sunday he just regressed back to the old Sergio, as in he couldn't make a single damn putt. He had tons of opportunities to drain a 10 foot putt and he never did and that burned him. The belly putter which worked the first few days just lost its gusto on sunday.
Sergio was a typical dumb ass post tournament however, and said that he should "write a book on how not to miss a shot and not win a playoff." Hey, Sergio no more talk por favor.
Paddy Gets it Done
Typically I root for Paddy Harrington mostly cause he's really the only Irish guy of note. However, I did want Sergio to win so I was mildly disappointed and I even said hit it in the water on his tee shot on 18, so that was a bit douche on my part. Regardless his collapse on 18 was highly entertaining, the look on his face afterwards when his son jumped into his arms was cool, and watching him pull it off in extra holes was nice.
Andres Romero is Cool
Adding to the enjoyment of watching the final round most was Andres Romero, and Argentine who bares quite a resemblance to the hammock sellers that I ran across on the beaches of Mazatlan. He was on fire had a goofy smile on his face the whole time and the best part was after he hit the ball that ricocheted off the burn OB, he decided what the hell and pulled out his wood from the rough and drilled it onto the green. That was entertaining.
One thing that was absolute BS is how somehow ABC had zero camera shot of the shot that went OB. How do you not have that on tape? You have 4 or 5 cameras on the guy. At that time he was leading the tournament, yet no angle on the shot. Morons.
My Predictions Weren't Bad
Unlike my predictions at the US Open which were miserable, my predictions at the Open Championship were actually pretty good. I went with Tigger, so I didn't grab that one. But my top two other contenders were Sergio and Padraig so I nailed that. Granted I pick Sergio a lot and it was bound to happen that he came close, but hey not bad. Oh and Paul Lawrie didn't make the cut.
A Couple Entertaining Commercials
Throughout the round while the commercials were on way way way way too much, atleast there were a few that were entertaining. Sergio's bond-esque commercial was funny as was the commercial with the girl tormenting the driving range cart-boy, and the caddy training commercial with the caddies diving in front of golf balls. I want to find those vids on youtube but haven't yet.
My Buddy Hates Mike Tirico
I can't say that I am overly fond of Mike Tirico, but my buddy at CGB who I was watching the golf with wants to kick him square in the chin. That is all.
Sergio Better at Shopping Cart Pushing than Putting
Now if they had a major at a Stop & Shop Parking lot Sergio would have been all set.
~Ernie Els looked like a clown in powder blue and pink.
~Golf can still be cool without Tiger or Phil. This was the best major in awhile and it included neither of them anywhere in the running.
~Carnoustie between this tourny and the Van De Velde blunder should be in the Open Championship rotation at minumum every five years. It should be Carnoustie, St. Andrews and a rotation other sites for the remaining three years.
~Europe has finally ended its major drought, thanks to an Irishman of course. That was a long time.
~I did enjoy Tirico yelping out the stereotypical "They'll be having some pints in Ireland tonight" after Paddy's win.
Someone decided to make a full out highlight reel of OJ Simpson for that new video game where you can play as old NFL superstars. Just stay tuned for the last few seconds, that's where all the humor lies.
Courtesy of The Hater Nation
What's wrong with some Red Sox fans? Dude you're still up more than a handful of games and the Yanks don't have too many more games left against crap teams like the D-rays. Calm down. Don't give yourself a heart attack.
Courtesy of Awful Announcing
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Friday, July 20, 2007
Same dudes that provided bowlinnnnn but this is older. Don't know how I missed it but it's definitely a keeper.
Scenario: Your kid is a borderline minor league prospect who if he added a few miles per hour to his fastball perhaps the big leagues would come calling.
Bad Parenting Solution: Go to an orthopedic surgeon and ask for him to do Tommy John surgery on his elbow in hopes that after rehab that fastball will go from 88 to 91.
As stupid as that sounds, apparently it is actually happening in the States now. Kids with injuries to their elbows are often overstating their symptoms in order to get a doctor to perform the surgery on them. Or even worse, parents with children who have 100% healthy arms are asking surgeons if they will perform the surgery so that their child can put that extra zip on his fastball.
Force and motion are produced by the contraction of muscles. Ligaments do not make the body move. They are ropelike devices that connect bones and stabilize joints, but they do not have any springlike function. Tommy John surgery relieves pain but does not provide an increased ability over a healthy natural ligament to transfer energy from the body to the ball, doctors said.
“There’s no way we can make it better than the good Lord made it,” Dr. Andrews said. [NY Times]
Perhaps it's just me but if I was given the option in high school to do a couple months rehab to get my arm back to healthy or fake some symptoms so I could have Tommy John surgery and rehab for over a year, I think I would go with the short rehab. The rehab for Tommy John is a long tedious process, just ask Chris Carpenter if he's looking forward to having the surgery done so he can "gain" a mph on his fastball.
Or better yet here's a simple solution for making sure that your child does not end up with elbow problems at a young age. Inform them that it is overly important to let someone know when their arm feels sore and to stop them from pitching then. And don't let him throw a curveball until he hits his teens. Teach him a change up. There you go you ass clowns.
Another week down and another one with some sparkling moments of idiocy and pathetic acts. Here are your contestants:
|1. Wil Ledezma - Typically pitchers miss games for injuries or the occasional bereavement and even punching trash cans some times gets it done. But leaving your passport in your pants while you're home in Venezuela during the all star break and ruining your Visa, thus stranding you at home? Now that's classic moron.|
2. Gary Sheffield - Personally I thought the whole Sheffield thing was hilarious but it was really stupid in all honesty. The Not all the Way Black, Never Shot Anything in my Butt and blaming all of your troubles on women, those are some classic lines.
3. Tero Pitkamaki - This is the Finnish dope that slipped on his run up to throw his javelin and stuck it in the side of a french long jumper just sitting on the sidelines stretching. If you haven't seen this yet you're missing out, hell where have you been, even my mother has seen it.
4. Ben Czislowski - Finally I've heard of some negligence of injuries in my day like not noticing torn ligaments etc. But this Rugby player didn't know that he had a tooth stuck in his forehead for multiple months. He got his wound stitched up with the tooth in his head. Now that is retarded.
Get Your Vote On
Last Weeks Winner: Lonny Baxter
That picture is of a man whom I've never heard of but currently sits second (at 9:15) in the Open Championship. His name is the exact opposite of what Philadelphians epitomize, Boo Weekley. Not only is he bald and overly goofy looking but with the last name Weekley he some how wound up with the nickname Boo. Well that's friggin classic.
Possible Reasons Why He Got the Nickname Boo
1. He's Scary Looking.
2. He sucks at golf so family members decided to give him the nickname boo, so no one boos him vigorously.
3. His Children Are Frightened of him.
4. He's into Rap Music and Wants his boyfriend to call him his Boo.
5. Boo is short for Booourns.
6. He smells bad so he got the nickname B.O. which then started to be pronounced Boo.
Apparently according to wikipedia he got his nickname for Boo Boo Bear. Well that's lame I would have gone with the he frightens his children angle.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Dear Tampa Bay Buccaneer Fans,
Remember when Cadillac played at Auburn and was so fast and elusive and how he burst onto the NFL scene with back to back to back 100+ yard games and everyone thought he was the second coming. Well, if you are curious as to why Cadillac was so good then and has been pretty miserable for the last season and a half it's simple. He's missing the Needham Hex. The Needham Hex was there to make tacklers miss during his days at Auburn and over the beginning of his first season. Mr. Needham was confused that first season and still thought that the Cadillac was truckin for the tigers and was throwin the Hex out there left and right.
Yes the future is bleak for Cadillac and Bucs fans. The Hex has abandoned Carnell and his quarterback will either be an aging bald man or one without a spleen.
Video Courtesy of With Leather
Tigger finished up his round today at -2 and sits 4 behind my rooting interest Sergio. Not like 4 strokes is a big lead for anyone after one round over Tiger but personally I want to see Sergio with the lead going into sundays round with Tiger looming.
This scenario would give us an opportunity to see one of two things, either Sergio not choking down the stretch of a major and giving his monotonic golfer suit a trophy or Tiger coming back to win a major which he hasn't done yet, which is kind of amazing to think about. All of his Ws have come with the lead or share of the lead going into the final round. So for an interesting storyline, how about -8 Sergio -6 Tiger final pair on sunday morning? Now that would be fun.
If you walked past this guy on the streets I'm sure the first thing that would cross your mind is, that guy is most certainly a World Cup soccer player. Well in fact, apparently he is, but not for the typical FIFA World Cup (the only time Americans care about soccer), but for the Homeless World Cup. Ya you read that right, the Homeless World Cup.
The Homeless World Cup, which is being held from July 29th to August 4th in Copenhagen this year, is an annual soccer tournament consisting of, well, people that have been homeless at some point in the past year. More specifically here are the exact player eligibility qualifications courtesy of wikipedia:
* Be male or female and at least 16 years of age at the time of the tournament
* Have been homeless at some point after the previous year's World Cup OR
* Make their main living income as a streetpaper vendor OR
* Be asylum seekers (who have neither positive asylum status nor working permit)
Not surprisingly the American squad, named The New Yorkers, wonder where they're from, hasn't ever finished in the top 8 in the 4 year history of the event.
You could either view this as compelling or hilarious, just depends on how black your soul is. That picture is surely funny, the video isn't though. Eh I'm on the fence...
Courtesy of Who Ate All the Pies
In my honest opinion soccer provides the best highlights of any sport in the world. Sure sometimes when you're watching a match you may only get a few moments of excitement but I could sit down every day and watch the top 10 soccer plays of the evening and see moments of gold like this.
Courtesy of Who Ate All the Pies
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The Open Championship starts tomorrow and I bet you forgot with all of the Michael Vick stuff going down. Well the Open Championship always provides some interesting golf to watch and they're headed back to Carnoustie, the home of the Van De Velde collapse so that will be thrilling.
4 People to Watch to Contend
Flamboyant Pants- Sergio Garcia - Alright I know Sergio has struggle very badly this year, mostly cause he putts like I do. But nobody comes out with better monotonic outfits for the Open than Sergio and the guy eventually has to win a major right? I mean he pounds the US mercilessly in the Ryder Cup. He's also finished in the top 10 in 5 of the last 6 Opens, and hell I'll admit I'm pulling for him.
Secondary - Padraig Harrington - You know what I go with Padraig as a contender every single damn time and he always lets me down eventually the clown is going to do something to make Ireland proud.
Token Brit - Justin Rose - Rose has been the most consistent Brit this year during the majors. He's got two top finishes between the Masters and Us Open and he's heading to the Island for a home show.
Darkhorse - Ian Poulter - Why is he a darkhorse, well anytime someone is brash enough to actually where the Clarret Jug on their pants inseam then you know they have some balls. Or they're stupid, your opinion. Either way he has played relatively well this year and he has finished 11th in the past.
3 People Who Might Surprisingly Miss the Cut
The Shocking - Jim Furyk - Well I guess not that shocking since he has struggled at Opens in the past, but he did play very well last year.
The Returning Champ - Paul Lawrie - Last time Lawrie was here during a major weekend he was gifted the title via Van De Velde and since then have you really heard much from him? I would not be surprised if he gives himself a few days off this weekend.
The Old - Jose Maria Olazabal- We're going to stick with the man who gets linked to my site somehow via his name and the word homosexual as missing the cut. Only because I still find it funny.*** He isn't going to make the cut cause he pulled out of the tourny Wednesday...
Replacement for Olazabal - Zach Johnson - Why cause he hasn't started his round yet at 9:19 am and it would be too cheap to pick someone like Geoff Ogilvy who shot a first round +4.
2 People to Root For this Weekend
The Sour Brit - Colin Montgomerie - I also am fond of Monty unlike almost all other Americans and I hope that he's in the running on sunday just for some extra drama and extra entertainment.
The Locale Boy - JJ Henry - This is standard, and if he's in a major he sits in the root for section.
Tiger Woods - Do you really think that Tiger is going to go out and not win a major this season? He's dominated the past two Open Championships and he's come up just a few strokes this year at the previous two majors but he's due for a title. Surely you can come out and lay claims that he's recent child may have for the time being eliminated a bit of his focus and taken away some of his practice time but perhaps this distraction and joy was just what he needed to return to dominance. And perhaps the distraction of the due date was the reason he didn't put away the US Open. Either way this tournament I'd take Tiger at about 40% to win the title, so I'd still go with the field, but I'm taking him to win.
Oh and here's some fun with the Van De Velde blowup. Some Japanese guy analyzes how Van De Velde should have hit it into the fairway instead of the creek.