The Seven Deadly Sins Of the Trade Deadline: Despair

Friday, July 31, 2009

“In all things it is better to hope than to despair”

As the quote says it is better to hope than despair, but despair many fans will and who can truly blame them. It is simply a natural feeling to have when you can no longer identify a single player on your favorite teams roster. Especially when your team doesn't exactly have a solid track record of putting together a winning team.

Firesales occur every year at the trade deadline. Some franchises like the Marlins have a track record of making solid deals and bringing in top ranked prospects to build a winner. Others do not. Those that do not are the ones that inspire incredible despair on the fanbase.

This season there are two teams holding a massive firesale, the first is the Cleveland Indians. The Indians have already dealt Ryan Garko, Rafael Betancourt, Ben Francisco and Cliff Lee and it looks like a Victor Martinez deal is just around the corner. Fans in Cleveland have already started to give up on the franchise. They have destroyed the owners wikipedia page in anger. Indian fans are clearly in despair.

Then of course you have Pittsburgh Pirate fans. By trading away their entire roster Pirate fans must feel an immeasurable sense of despair. The entire roster has changed since the start of the season. They've traded away their outfield, their pitching, their infield, everything. It's despair time in Pittsburgh.

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The Seven Deadly Sins Of the Trade Deadline: Envy

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. --Bible (Proverbs 14:30)

The sin of envy comes from fans everywhere after the conclusion of the trade deadline. Fans throughout the country scream, "why not me? why did that team make the trade for the ace and not mine." The reasons behind why certain teams make moves and others don't is often irrelevant because as fans we only want to see our teams become more successful and we want to see it now. So when another team improves their squad significantly and yours does not, envy is the natural reaction.

As this is more of a fan based sin it is tough to give a specific trade instance, but living in New York area I see it on a almost a daily basis. A Met fan or a Yankee fan calls up the local talk radio program and yells about how the Mets should have traded for Cliff Lee and that the Phillies out bidding the Mets is absolute BS. It doesn't matter that the Mets didn't have the prospects to trade for Cliff Lee or that trading for Cliff Lee might have fallen under the sin of pride. The fan envies the competition improving.

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The Seven Deadly Sins of the Trade Deadline: Pride

A common secular form of the Greek and biblical sin of hubris is expressed in the lives of individuals who strain themselves beyond reason in order to prove that there are no goals they cannot achieve, no obstacles they cannot overcome. --(Schimmel, 30)

Pride is a most dangerous sin at the trade deadline, for pride is what can ruin the future of your organization while garnering zero gains. The sin of pride at the trade deadline occurs in those that are too stubborn to admit that they are out of the race or too stupid to realize that their team does not have a chance to win in the playoffs. And so they go out into the trade market and seek pieces to add while crushing their farm system.

One of the most notable recent evidences of the sin of pride came from the Mets in 2004. The Mets seeking to fortify their rotation traded for Victor Zambrano of the Rays. In doing so they gave up one of their best prospects, Scott Kazmir. Zambrano went on to do absolutely nothing with the Mets and not help the Mets into the postseason. Kazmir meanwhile has shown flashes of brilliance with the Rays while battling through injuries.

Another recent sin of pride at the trade deadline came via the Braves in 2007 when they dealt for Mark Teixeira at the deadline. While Teixeira performed well for the Braves, they could not make the postseason. In getting Teixeira the Braves had to part with Elvis Andrus, Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Matt Harrison, Neftali Feliz and Beau Jones. Andrus, Saltalamacchia, and Harrison are all key contributors to the Rangers squad this season and Neftali is currently the Rangers #1 prospect.

The sin of pride is prevalent each season and there will be someone who makes that mistake this afternoon. We shall see whom that will be. Only time will tell.

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The Seven Deadly Sins Of the Trade Deadline: Wrath

Thursday, July 30, 2009

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. --Proverbs (ch. 15, v. 1)

Thy tradeline wrath comes from players who feel scorned by their franchise and desire to spend their years in the arms of others. In most cases this comes in the form of superstars who are downright tired of losing on a daily basis and desire to be traded to someone who has a modicum of potential.

In this years trade deadline we have yet to see any big names come out demanding a trade, instead we have seen the wrath of the small. Of the names demanding a deal, Ian Snell is up front and center. Snell was initially thought by the Pirates to be one of their arms to build towards the future, until this season when he was so dreadful that he requested to be sent to AAA. This request was in part due to his failures on the mound and in part due to how much he just hated Pittsburgh. So when he dominated Triple A and the Pirates wanted to recall him to the big leagues, he surprised no one when he said that he had no desire to go pitch ever again for the Pirates. And hence only days later he is now a Mariner.

The other primary examples from 2009 are the minor leaguers scorned by the Chicago White Sox. Both Brian Anderson and Josh Fields had lost favor in Ozzie Guillen's lineup to the point where they both said it was time for them to be traded. Anderson got his wish when he was dealt to the Red Sox. Fields still awaits his turn.

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Today's Disturbing Steroid News Makes Me Cry On the Inside

I can't believe that David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez were taking steroids in 2003. I am so heart broken and crushed. To think that back in 2004 I truly thought the Red Sox fended off the curse of Babe Ruth with just a hint of lying during Schilling's fake blood. But now, now I know that they were cheaters. Horrible, Horrible Cheaters. And now to think the World Series Championship has a huge asterisk next to it. It makes me sick.

Or not. Come on, you didn't have a sneaking suspicion that David Ortiz just might have done steroids? You didn't see his progression from a player pretty much let go by the Twins for nothing to baseball god with the Red Sox as a slight cause for concern. If anything four months ago I would have thought that Manny not Ortiz was the one who probably was clean, but there always have been the massive doubts about Ortiz. Regardless, does it really matter? No. Because once again there were steroid users EVERYWHERE! It's not like that Yankee team of 2004 was innocent (A-Roid, BANE, and Sheffield). They won the World Series in 2004, your memories and joy of that time still remain. Let Bill Simmons cry himself to sleep while you let the news slide off your backs.

But for certain do not be hypocrites Mr. Bostonians, for it was the Red Sox whom threw the most steroid daggers at Giambi, Sheffield and A-Roid. Earlier this season on a trip to Fenway against the Mets, people were walking around with big needles that said A-roid on them. When the Yankee fans do the same thing, just laugh and call them copy cats. When the Yankee fan rips you to shreds like you once did to them, just sit there and take it. Because no longer can you sit on your high horse and declare a World Series Title of purity. It's tainted just like everybody else's.

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The Seven Deadly Sins Of the Trade Deadline: Sloth

Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep; and an idle soul shall suffer hunger. --Proverbs 19:15

For each those that deal with Gluttony and Lust those full of slothfulness who become their prey. Some of whom are willing to forego the remainder of the season and focus on the future and some of whom are the epitome of what a sloth is. The Pirates are Sloth.

The quote used above might as well be the Pirates new motto as if anyone is in a deep sleep its the Pittsburgh Pirates. After this season, when they finish another season under .500, they will set a new major league futility mark for the most consecutive seasons below .500. And so the Pirates feed the beasts year after year. They trade their entire outfield+ within a calendar year. They trade their middle infield, a former member of their rotation, their 1B, etc. etc. Everybody is open at the Pirates tag sale.

And of course there is their draft pedigree which has already been chronicled. By never drafting anyone of value the Pirates sink it the abyss of trading their valid MLB players for future hope. But by drafting poorly year after year they wind up in this terrific cycle of ineptitude.

Finally if there is a fan who suffers it is the Pirates fan. At no point this decade have they put a squad together with a legitimate chance. There is no point in going to their beautiful stadium to watch their Triple A squad lose constantly. There is no point in being anything other than slothful with regards to the Pittsburgh Pirates, because they them selves just mirror the front office.

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The Seven Deadly Sins Of the Trade Deadline: Gluttony

“Be not among winebibbers; among riotous eaters of flesh: For the drunkard and the glutton shall come to poverty: and drowsiness shall clothe a man with rags.”

GMs shall often be gluttonous at the trade deadline. Those in contention shall attempt to hoard as much talent as they can sink their teeth into, sometimes to the detriment of both the team currently and the team in the future.

One key example of the past would be the New York Yankees acquisition of Jose Canseco in 2000. Already, with a ridiculous ensemble of talent the Yankees saw Jose Canseco on the market and said "Well, we don't want the Red Sox to get him, so let's grab him." They didn't need him and he did nothing for them other than whine and annoy.

In 2007 the Red Sox desired to make an additional stabilization of their already solid bullpen. So they went out and got blatant steroid user Eric Gagne who at the time was the closer of the Rangers. Gagne was dreadful for the Red Sox posting a 6.75 ERA which made him the most hated man on the team and resulted in fans offering up questions like "Is Steinbrenner paying him?"

Teams shall always want more more more, for they shall always be gluttons.

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The Seven Deadly Sins Of the Trade Deadline: Lust

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul; --1 Peter 2:11

Everywhere you look during the MLB trade deadline you shall see Lust. Every city in contention desires thy neighbors wife.

Roy Halladay is Sexy. He is sexy everywhere within 5 games of a playoff spot. Philly wants desired Roy in the white and red pin stripes, before their lust was satisfied by the slightly less sexy Cliff Lee. Even still, I bet many Philly fans still lust after Roy. Red Sox fans lust after Roy, and lust after him even more at the thought of him wearing Yankee pin stripes instead of BoSox white and red. The entire NL Central lusts after Roy. Roy is essentially Meghan Fox right now.

But the lust doesn't start or stop with Roy, it envelopes the baseball world. Even the Ryan Garko's and Ian Snell's of the world can be lusted after in the right cities with the right GMs. If there is a better player out there than the one your team already has than lust will take you over. Lust will make your mind wander to dangerous levels.

Here in New York City area, Lust is a 24/7/365 occurrence. Never are New Yorkers satisfied with their roster, never do they not desire the best and the brightest. In the off season this Lust is typically satisfied via free agency but at the trade deadlines the Lust comes through. Mets fans want every available Pirate. They want any good hitter. Yankee fans want the best of the best. They desire Roy Halladay and think they deserve because "they are the Yankees" everyone wants to sleep in the Yankees bed.

Lust is the MLB Trade Deadline.

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The Minnesota Vickings

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

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Yankees Trading For a Blockbuster Pitcher

It's getting close MLB Trade Deadline so it's just a constant shit storm of trade rumors. MLB Trade Rumors has about 4050 posts a day. So here's what I've been hearing through the grapevine.

In an effort to solidify their pitching staff the Yankees have been in the market for a pitcher with a solid track record but have been very reluctant to give up their best farmhands or major league players in a such a deal. Well, they just might have found the team to do so in division rival Boston.

The Yankees are searching for a pitcher with terrific postseason numbers and the rumored pitcher has these numbers, an undefeated 3-0 record in the World Series for Boston all while pitching to an incredible 0.87 ERA. Now, I've promised my sources that I won't reveal the name but I think you should be able to deduce who I'm talking about.

In order to acquire this pitcher who will likely improve the Yankees drastically after the trade the Red Sox were willing to trade the player simply for cash relief on future investments. The White Sox came in with an offer of one their likely to be future Hall of Famers and a significant amount of cash in their own right, but the Yankees being the financial juggernauts have blown the White Sox offer out of the water and it is believed that the trade is a mere formality.

I pray you took none of that seriously because, I Like Jokes...

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Roy Halladay to the Rangers Almost a Done Deal

It's getting close MLB Trade Deadline so it's just a constant shit storm of trade rumors. MLB Trade Rumors has about 4050 posts a day. So here's what I've been hearing through the grapevine.

Everyone in the baseball world is looking towards where Roy Halladay is going to land. The rumors have been flung out there. The Phillies want him but aren't willing to give up Doug Drabek's son. The Red Sox want him but they're only interested in being frugal bastards and not giving up their top prospects plus J.P. Ricciardi has instituted a 30% surcharge for AL East squads.

So who's left in for Halladay? The forgotten Rangers of course. The Rangers will give up former 1B Chris Davis, Catching prospect Max Ramirez, and pitching prospect Neftali Perez in exchange for the Texan Halladay. The move will finally give the Rangers an ace pitcher that they never have had and will give them the push to chase the Angels for the division (out 2.5) and the Red Sox for the wild card (out 1.5).

Long thought out of the sweepstakes for Halladay due to money issues with their owner Tom Hicks, the Rangers are now back into the race courtesy of money brought in from Tom's other investment, Liverpool FC. Liverpool FC has transferred veteran midfielder Xabi Alonso to Real Madrid for what is believed to be 30 million dollars. This money will be used solely to finance Halladay's contract.

I have zero sources and this was completely made up. And if you believed that last part, than you're an idiot.

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Let Us Begin the Michael Vick To Minnesota Rumors

Now that we can be done with the Brett Favre rumors to Minnesota*, it's time to start floating around the Michael Vick to Minnesota rumors. I mean why not, the Vikings obviously want a quarterback with a better pedigree than Sage Rosenfels or Tarvaris Jackson and Vick delivers this.

To me Minnesota now becomes the most logical fit. A team in contention that was willing to take on a new quarterback with risk all of season. They are in a smallish market so the backlash might be less. And most importantly he would make a difference on the team.

Just picture this for a second. In his prime Vick led the most dominating rushing attack in football. This came with miniature Warrick Dunn and Jerious Norwood. Now imagine Vick in the same backfield as Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor. This is what the Vikings were looking to get from Tarvaris when they drafted him as a poor man's Vick, but he hasn't even come close to living up to the hype.

Its time to start the Minnesota Vickings rumor mill.

*We probably can't be done with the rumors because it's Brett Favre, he doesn't want to retire, the rumors will go on and on my friend, cause it's the story that doesn't end...

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Kei Igawa Is Availabe Guys

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Dear Fellow General Managers,

I know this will be hard for you to believe, and it will be difficult for me to say given all that he's done for the organization, but the New York Yankees and I, Brian Cashman, are willing to discuss a possible trade for veteran Left Handed Pitcher Kei Igawa. I know you are floored right now, but he's out there if the price is right.

Igawa this season has been terrific. He's 8-4 with a 4.03 ERA*. He'd be the perfect left hander to round out the backend of your rotation. In fact, screw backend, he could be your ace**. So don't waste anytime, please send your trade offers to the following address:

1 Babe Ruth Avenue
The Bronx, New York, New York

Don't wait too long, the deadline is friday, and you really really really want the Milk Soda Beaver.

Thanks,
BCASH

*With Scranton Wilkes-Barre

**That's a lie

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Hey, Why Don't We Just Kick a Guy In the Head Until He Dies

This week in why humans can suck, we get a case in Philadelphia where a brawl starts courtesy of a spilled drink and ends in the death of a 22 year old.

Essentially the argument started with a spilled drink in a crowded bar outside of Citizen's Bank Park during a Phillies game. The two groups involved were a Bachelor party and a group headed down to the game on a bar sponsored trip. After the spilled drink an argument between the two groups started and after everyone was kicked out of the stadium the groups naturally continued the fight onto the street. The end result of course was David Hale, the brother of the bride, getting repeatedly kicked in the head to the point where his head trama killed him.

At what point can anyone logically think that holding a man down and kicking him in the fucking head is really a sensible thing to do? What kind of people do shit like this? The answer of course is.... people with prior assault records of course. Two of the three shit bags that killed David Hale had already served jail time for previous assault charges. One who was guilty of stabbing someone four times in a similar melee and the other who was guilty of beating a man until he became unconcious.

Now a 22 year old is dead. A wedding is almost certainly on the rocks given the fact I'd gather the bride has several questions for the groom as to why nobody had her brothers back in the entire bachelor party. All because of a spilled fucking drink. God People Are Assholes Sometime.

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Yay Canary Fighting! (This is My Hometown, ugh)

Monday, July 27, 2009



"Police bust canary fighting operation", that's just the thing to make you proud of your hometown. Hoorah Shelton Connecticut.

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Recalculating Ted Williams Career Statistics

Over the weekend I watched the Ted Williams documentary on HBO, which was terrific and I recommend everyone to give it a look. The documentary pointed a few of the obvious but often overlooked aspects of Ted Williams career, namely the fact that he basically lost five full seasons of his career due to military service. He lost three full seasons due to World War II and lost all but 43 games in two seasons due to the Korean War.

The Splendid Splinter already ranks amongst the elite in all major league baseball categories and is at the top of the top in the average categories. Williams is ranked 7th, 1st, 2nd and 2nd respectively in BA, OBP, SLG%, and OPS. But its the accumaltion stats that were hit due to the war, so how would Teddy Ballgame rank amongst the elite if he did play those games? Where would his legacy sit?


Williams would be the all-time leader in Runs and Runs Batted In. He would be the all time leader in walks. He would be 6th in total hits and 5th in doubles. His prowess would be matched by Babe Ruth alone. Take a look at what his entire statline would be like for a career, its unreal.


To gather the projections I took averages an plopped them in. The averages used are as follows 43 (41,42), 44 (42,46), 45 (46,47), 52 (51), 53 (51,54).

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Get Ready For a Disappointing Trade Deadline

The Major League Baseball non-waiver trade deadline comes on friday. On friday we will expect multiple names to get dealt. We will expect a whirlwind of excitement for your favorite teams. We will expect Roy Halladay to be dealt, we will expect Cliff Lee and Victor Martinez to be donning new uniforms, we will expect the Pirates to sell off their entire outfield for the third time in two years. We will expect a lot, and chances are, we will get a little.

I really think the problem lies somewhere in the media swirling rumors we here everyday. Everyday there's a new rumor about Roy Halladay or Cliff Lee. Every day we get differing news about one players could be in what package. We get information from JP Ricciardi saying that he doubts he will deal Halladay away, yet two minutes later we get information saying that they've already sent out trade proposals to multiple teams. We even see rumors that don't make much sense surrounding some of the best pitchers and prospects in the game like Cliff Lee and V-Mart for Kershaw and Loney. Kershaw is 21 and has a 2.96 ERA this year, why the hell would they ever trade him? Why would you even taunt Indians fans into believing they have a chance at snatching up the best young left hander in the game.

The problem won't be that the deadline will lack action. It won't. We'll get trades for George Sherrill, Matt Capps and every other closer on a shit team. We'll get trades for low end starters like Ian Snell or Justin Duscherererer. We'll get role players traded like Orlando Cabrera, Nick Johnson or Ryan Garko. All of these deals could very easily swing the balance of baseball power. The problem is our expectations are so high, built up on media rumors and the Manny deal from last season, that anything short of Halladay, Lee and V-Mart getting traded will be a disappointment.

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M E T S = Mercifully End The Season

Friday, July 24, 2009


Do it before David Wright gets Hurt!

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Robby Cano Is Capable of Much Much More

Those of you that don't get to watch the Yankees much this season probably look at Robinson Cano's 2009 statline of .310 14 HR and an OPS of .833 and think wow that's a nice bounce back year for Cano. Those of us who watch Cano on a daily basis this season realize that while he is playing far superior to his 2008 campaign, he is not close to realizing his potential. Take a look at his situational stats from this season below.


As the situation becomes more important, 2009 Cano results diminish significantly. Imagine if these numbers were flip flopped. Imagine if he was hitting .350 with runners in scoring position this season. The RBI totals would be through the roof but alas, he currently is just a wizard at getting hits when nobody is on base and mediocre at driving people in.

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This Is Why the New York Mets Can't Win Anymore

It's pretty simple why the Mets can't win games anymore and are morphing into the second worst team in the National League, they can't score runs. The below chart shows exactly whats happenned to their offensive output since each of the major devastating injuries. The blue line shows runs scored for each game through out the season. The pink line shows the average runs the Mets scored when they had everyone, the yellow when they were missing Delgado, the light blue when they were missing Delgado and Reyes, and finally the purple when they were missing Delgado, Reyes and Beltran.


In the abscence of Reyes, Delgado and Beltran the Mets are averaging barely over 3 runs per game. In stark contrast, with everyone on the roster the Mets were scoring just over 5 runs per game. That's a wholesale difference and why their roster now equals a lot of losses and a day by day progression further out of a playoff spot.

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Fun With the Washington Nationals Pitching Rankings

Feel like having a little chuckle? Let's take a look at an assortment of pitching rankings from he Washington Nationals this season. We're pretty certain it'll show you why they are so unbelievably awful.



Only the Indians and Mets are the saving graces in any of these categories as the Indians have a worse ERA and have given up more hits than the Nationals, something tells me playing in the AL doesn't help, and the Mets behind the solid efforts of Ollie P lead the league in most walks pitched. Perhaps someone in the Nationals organization should look at their stats and say to themselves, "We really really really need to sign Strausberg".

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The Biggest College Football Games of 2009

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The College Football Season is only months away so naturally you're itching to know what games you're going to watch. Fear not, I put together a Top 5 Game per week Helmet Schedule for your enjoyment.

Click On the Image For the Full Size
Or Download the Spreadsheet


And Don't Forget to Download the Entire 2009 Helmet Schedule

Here's a Backup of the Feature Game Download

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Joe Pa Loves the Cupcakes

There's one glaring thing wrong with college football on a year to year basis outside the BCS. This glaring problem always falls directly in line with Joe Paterno's Penn State Nittany Lions. The issue is with scheduling disparity. While some schools go out and schedule difficult games against elite out of conference programs, schools like Penn St. hide in the corner beating up crappy MAC teams and feasting on the worst schools in the Big East. And it's so god damn annoying.

While Alabama and Virginia Tech start off the season in an epic ACC vs. SEC showdown in Atlanta, Penn State will host Akron. While fellow Big Ten elite Ohio State hosts perennial powerhouse USC, Penn St. hosts always shitty Syracuse. While Oregon hosts 2009 Cinderella Utah, Penn State takes on ugly Temple. While Indiana hits the road and travels to UVA, Penn State hosts little ole Eastern Illinois.

All in all, those are four automatic wins for Penn State. They are whats wrong with college football. A team like Penn State that hides from serious competition outside of what is mandatory should not be rewarded. They should be punished, but they won't. They're undefeated record via cup cake city will be rewarded week after week after teams like VaTech, Alabam, Ohio State, USC etc. falter in battles with equals.

So here I stand saying Screw You Joe Pa and screw you're wimp of an athletic director. I hope you get pummeled at the start of Big Ten play and I hope you finish nowhere near the national title game.

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Hey I've Got a Good Idea, Let's Go To a Strip Club

So if you're a man who's been in the slammer for 2 years without any female companionship during that time frame, I'd imagine you're pretty eager for it. So naturally I'd imagine that many criminals on their first night out of prison head to the strip clubs. So it shouldn't come as a ridiculous surprise that Michael Vick on his first night of freedom headed to a strip club with Allen Iverson for amateur night.

There's nothing illegal about Vick or anybody else going to the strip club. Millions of people do it daily. Like I said before I'd imagine that's amongst the top priorities of newly freed convicts. But when you're Michael Vick and you're main goal now is to convince Roger Goodell that you're a changed man and that you're remorseful so that Goodell will reinstate you, it's probably a good idea to have just a little bit of common sense. Just an ounce of common sense.

How exactly did not a single person in Vick or Iverson's entourage go "You know Michael, you're gonna be on camera, this probably isn't going to help your case given the negative montra the public has with strip clubs and NFL players. How about we maybe go out to a club or a bar instead." How exactly did this conversation either not come up or not sink into Vick's thick moronic skull.

I'd like Vick to be reinstated and allowed to play somewhere in the NFL, but just one day of freedom and he's already acted like an idiot. The chances of reinstatement are slimming.

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The Pirates Tag Sale Is Open

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Hi I'm Neal Huntington and welcome to the Pittsburgh Pirates continual tag sale. As GM of the Pirates I'd like to make sure that you know that we've got the left over furniture, players and junk you need, just give us a call. We're pretty much open to anything. Today we've parted with 1B Adam LaRoche for five dollars and a bag of doritos. And earlier this year we traded Nyjer Morgan and Nate McLouth away for Two Philly Cheesesteaks and a Budding Rap Superstar.

But fear not we've still got plenty of pieces to sell off if the price is right, and the price is always right.

We've got a weak hitting but slick fielding Shortstop Jack Wilson. He can be had for two dollars. Just two dollars. That's an AMAZ-A-FRICKIN-DEAL.

How about All Star Freddie Sanchez? You always can use more all stars right? Well you can have him for the low low price of my a Diet Coke a Chili Cheeseburger and a Side of Onion Rings. That's right, just pay for my lunch today and he is yours.

Do you want tempermental Ian Snell and his dominant Triple A stuff? Well today only, and its today only because its such a steal, we'll actually pay you for taking him off of our books. That's right, sign him up now and we'll pay for 75% of his contract and ask for nothing in return. That's an unbeatable bargain.

So come on down to the Pittsburgh Pirates Fire Sale Tag Sale and tell me what you want, cause chances are pretty damn good that I'll give it to you.

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If You're a Mets Fan, You Gotta Bereave

It's time Mets fans. Just give it up. Don't bother calling to the radio stations to complain about your team. Don't bother calling the radio stations to bitch about how they didn't accept the imaginary deal Jon Heyman made up for Roy Halladay. Just forget about it all and start concentrating on what Omar can possibly do to make the team better for 2010.

As of right now the Mets sit 10 games back in the division and 7.5 games back in the wildcard. We've seen comebacks of that magnitude done before via epic win streaks, think the Rockies run to the postseason two years ago, the problem is the Mets suck. The Mets don't even have anything close to that run in them. And without Beltran, Reyes and Delgado for likely the majority of August those numbers will increase to the point where they'll likely be just about mathematically eliminated going into September.

The worst part about the Mets right now is that they're unwatchable. They've been shut out five times in their past 13 games. Last night they were shut out by soft tossing John Lannon. For Lannon it was his first career shut out and just his 2nd complete game of his career. The other was of course against the Mets earlier this season. That's just downright embarrassing. But that's to be expected from a lineup with 19 home runs total this season.

At least if you're a Mets fan you have one thing going for you. In 2009 you can cut your losses in July rather than having them rip out your heart on September 30th. That's at least better, right?

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Guess That NBA Clearance Item Price

The Quiz Works Like So, each question has four different dollar amounts. If you get it right you'll get a 0, if you get it wrong you'll get 10 points for each dollar you are off. So basically you want the lowest score possible. Have at it.



Check Out Some More SimonOnSports Trivia
The Ladies of Jeter
Bodies of the WTA
NBA Draft Suit Trivia
Name That Bobblehead
PGA Golf Wife Trivia
Cheerleader PhotoHunt Extravaganza
Silhouette Trivia: Very Fat Football Coaches
And More...

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Where Do You Want Vick to Play?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Now that Vick is a free man one can have several opinions on the matter. First and foremost one can have the opinion of whether he should even be allowed to play in the NFL or not. Those that say no usually say something along the lines of, if I got convicted of a felony, I wouldn't be brought back by my company. Others like myself just want to see him play again. So if you're in the latter camp like myself, where do you want him to play? Here's my list of ideal situations.

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - The Bucs already have about 47 quarterbacks on their roster, why not add another one. They could play the A-11 in 2009 and beyond.

4. Buffalo Bills - Terrell Owens and Michael Vick on the same team? ESPN would move from Bristol to Buffalo if that were to happen. [Although they would need a satellite campus in Minny to follow Favre]

3. Cleveland Browns - If only to answer the question of what the "Dog Pound" would do if Vick was their quarterback.

2. Cincinnati Bengals - Screw Carson Palmer, they should trade him to the 49ers or some other team and get draft picks. Sign Vick and then you have the perfect loudmouthed QB WR combo in Vick and OchoCinco. And Vick would fit in perfectly with all the other Bengals that broke the law last season.

1. Oakland Raiders - Come on, you may hate the Raiders but you know this would be the ideal situation. The Raiders have always been the team for bad asses and rebels and Al Davis has always been a bit crazy with his player selections. Nothing would be more enjoyable than Vick running around in silver and black and likely getting his head knocked around.

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The Curious Offseason of Quentin Richardson

Just one month ago Quentin Richardson was likely sitting in his plush condo in Manhattan thinking about whether or not he was going to be a teammate of Lebron James in 2010. Since that moment, his life has been a whirlwind.

On June 25th, Quentin was shipped to Memphis for Darko Miličić. It pretty much looked like the Knicks were trying to get more European/White while dumping Quentin's lost jump shot and 9$ million dollar salary. At this point Quentin had to question where he fit in with the Grizzlies, who are a young team being built around O.J. Mayo and Rudy Gay, two studs he would likely back up.

That question of where he would fit it on the Grizzlies was answered as just a week later he was dealt to the Clippers straight up for Zach Randolph. At the time I thought maybe the Clippers would make sense given his history there and the fact that they did have a mixture of youth and experience.

And then earlier this week he gets dealt to the Timberwolves for the combination of Sebastian Telfair, Craig Smith, Mark Madsen and a bottle of Aquafina. To which I respond, what the hell do the Timberwolves want Quentin Richardson for? The T-Wolves are going full youth movement and just traded away Randy Foye along with Mike Miller who's a better version of Richardson. I see no reason why they would want him and I'd imagine they'll be looking to deal him shortly.

So where will Quentin wind up to start the season? Who knows but I don't think his summer of being traded is quite over yet.

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Elevators, Helping Americans Stay Fat One Flight of Stairs At a Time

This is completely off topic and not in the field of sports but whatever it pisses me off so I'm writing about it.

Everyday I you hear some new fangled diet on the radio or on television about how to lose those love handles or drop weight easy. You know a way to lose some god damn weight? Stop being a lazy piece of shit. How about that? I'm not saying its easy to lose weight if you have a weight problem or its easy to put yourself on a strict diet or easy to bring your ass to the gym 6 days a week for 2 hours, but you know what is easy? Walking a flight of stairs.

Everyday at work this kills me. My building is only five floors, but there are two entrances one on the 1st floor and the back entrance on the 3rd floor. Everyday I see someone walk in at the same time as me in the back entrance who works on the same floor as me (the 4th) and instead of walking up a single god damn flight of stairs they take the elevator. It's one flight of stairs. One single damn flight of stairs. If you get winded walking up a flight of stairs than perhaps you should figure out your life and stop being so out of shape. And perhaps walking up flights of stairs daily would be beneficial for you.

These same fat people will talk about how they need to lose weight or bring some kind of Lean Cuisine bullshit in for lunch. Or partake in the beyond retarded body cleansing diet, aka starving yourself for weeks. And despite all their efforts doing stupid diets nothing works. Because they're god damn lazy.

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The Mets Lineup is Just 16 Homers Behind Pujols

Monday, July 20, 2009

Just how bad is the lineup that the Mets are sending out there on a daily basis? This bad...


The entire Mets Lineup that they threw on the field yesterday has a combined 18 total home runs this season. Angel Pagan and Luis Castillo lead the lineup with zero homers a piece. They are followed in the lineup by the beef. Daniel Murphy, David Wright and Jeff Francoeur all have 5 home runs this season. Granted Francoeur's homers all came as a member of the Braves, but we'll give them a break. The beef is followed up by a light salad with Jeremy Reed and Alex Cora coming in with zero total home runs. The lineup closes with a fury when super slugger Brian Schneider comes up with his three home runs this season. And then of course the lineup is rounded out by any number of their pitchers with zero home runs.

Nine batters with a total of just 18 home runs. Fear the Mets.

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And Now For the Creepiest Way to Celebrate a Goal

I've seen some messed up celebrations in my time, from any of Ocho Cinco's ludicrous acts to the Sharpie to a Soccer Player Pretending to Snort Coke. But nothing will ever be as messed up as La Liga's Getafe's 2009 celebration will be.

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The AL Central Goes Boom

I enjoy pointing out som anomolies, like the AL Central Squads current Win Streaks. Each AL Central team lost yesterday making the combined losing streaks of the division a total of 14.

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The Happy Ending Just Wasn't Meant To Be

Growing up for whatever reason Tom Watson was always the golfing legend off of my radar. Born in 1983 I was only alive for one of his eight major championships and given that my dads golfing hero was Arnold Palmer, I always seemed to notice the older crowd more so than the 70s studs. And so when golfing greats came to mind it was lead by Palmer, Nicklaus, Player, Trevino, etc. Even players like Chi Chi Rodriguez were more vivid in my childhood than the mild mannered Watson.

As a result of this weekend, all of that has changed. No longer will Watson be disrespected by my memory, no longer will he be an after thought. Now when I think great vintage golfers, Watson's name will be where it should be, amongst the top of the list. He'll be the man that did the impossible. The old man that just about outlasted the entire field on a course he won at before 1/2 of the field was born. He'll be the 59 year old that fell just a single putt short of a miracle.

In the end does it the conclusion of the 72 holes really matter? We saw the story. We enjoyed the four days of action. And the memory will remain.

On thursday morning at 7am before work I go to me dad "Guess who's leading the British Open? He's older than you." My father's answer came back quick "Tom Watson? Wow." And that's what made this weekend special, not the end result, just Tom Watson and Wow.

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Name That Hall of Famer (7/17)

Friday, July 17, 2009

Below are the career stats of a Hall of Famer. Can you identify who these stats belong to?

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Mr. Daly Says "My Pants Are On Mushrooms"

John Daly During His Practice Round Rockin a Cig and Diamonds

Mr. Daly In the First Round With the Pastel Green Weave

Mr. Daly During the 2nd Round With the Floral Arrangement

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Name That Douche Stance (7/16)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Can You Name That Batting Stance?


Answer

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Name that Hall of Famer (7/16)

Below are the career stats of a Hall of Famer. Can you identify who these stats belong to?

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Rebus Be Golfin'

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Pretty Pants Poulter Bringing the Pretty Pants, Not the Golf Game


Look at that, Rocking the plaid pants and the Union Jack Vest and throw in a red visor for good measure. It's like a catalog photograph for the Pretty Pants Collection. Too bad he's +3 through 5 holes and sitting in 95th place.

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Pedro Martinez Trivia

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Name That Batting Stance (7/15)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Can You Name That Batting Stance?


Answer

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Name That Hall of Famer (7/15)

Below are the career stats of a Hall of Famer. Can you identify who these stats belong to?

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Rebus On Sports Snooze Day

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PhotoHunt: Carl Crawford's All Star Robbery

It's PhotoHunt Time. Take a look at the pictures and see if you can figure where the 5 differences are. Click on the Image to get a larger view if needed. Then when you are done check out the answers linked below.

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Minor League Baseball Affiliation Trivia

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2009 Open Championship Preview

The Open Championship is always fun, because the courses don't look pristine and it almost looks like they're playing in weeds. Plus the weather is going to suck this weekend and make things incredibly difficult.

4 People to Watch to Contend

Obvious is Obvious- Tigger Woo - He's a staple here. It's mandatory that you say he's going to be in contention.

Mr. Pretty Pants - Ian Poulter - Mr. Pretty Pants came in 2nd last year. Expect the Pretty pants to finish at worst top 10 this year.

Spiderman - Camilo Villegas - There's just something about his putting approach and his goofy outfits that will work this weekend.

The Youngster - Rory McIlroy - He's made the cuts in both majors this year and improved from the 20th finish in the Masters to the 10th finish at the US to the #1 position at The Open?

3 People Who Might Surpisingly Miss the Cut

US Win to British Fail - Lucas Glover - Mr. Glover came out of nowhere to win the US Open. 1 Hit Wonders often get crushed come the next major tournament.

The Titties - Phil Mickleson - He's not going to make the cut. I guarantee it.

The Dick - Rory Sabbatini - Screw Rory Sabbatini.

2 People to Root For this Weekend

The Bitter Scot - Colin Montgomerie - His old and only has so many appearances left in him. And while most people can't stand the man, to a certain extent I enjoy the relatively pissed of Scotsman.

The Emotional Brit - Darren Clarke - Its been about three years since Darren Clarke lost his wife to breast cancer and what better way to remember his wife and honor Mickelson's wife's battle than winning to Claret Jug.

1 Winner

SERGIO- Fuck It I'm going Sergio and the Monotone.

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