Taking a Look At the Remaining MLB Free Agents

The MLB season is just around the corner, thank god, and now is as good as any to look at the remaining free agents so here's one sentence for each of the remaining 35+.

Felipe Lopez, 2B - Lopez was actually pretty excellent last season, too bad his agent was a greedy bastard and couldn't get him a contract.

Pedro Martinez, SP -I doubt he wants or could pitch an entire year, he'll get signed mid-May.

Carlos Delgado, 1B - Delgado just seems like he wants to be lazy and only play half a season, why the Mets didn't resign him is anyones idea.

Jarrod Washburn, SP - Basically one of the few left over starters worth a look, he should get a contract within the week.

John Smoltz, SP - The Old man still wants to go, but nobody seems to want him.

Gary Sheffield, LF - Sheffield asshole-ish attitude is finally catching up with him.

Russ Springer, RP - Not exactly sure who Russ Springer is.

Alan Embree, RP - The fact that Alan Embree is still in this league is pretty amazing.

Troy Percival, RP - He looked DONE last year.

David Weathers, RP -David Weathers, always pitching, always pitching not so well.

Paul Byrd, SP - HGH plus a terrible fastball make the Byrdman not that valuable.

Chad Fox, RP - Did he retire already?

Rich Aurilia, 1B - Remember when he was a shortstop and not a mediocre hitting 1B?

Ron Mahay, RP - Mahay wit hthe whiplash.

Garret Anderson, LF - I think it might be time to hang up the spikes Garret.

Paul Bako, C - Is still in the league?

Mike Hampton, SP - Come back for more surgery Mike.

Jason Isringhausen, RP - If Percival looked done than Izzy looked dead.

Ramon Martinez, SS - Who wants a bad backup SS?

Aaron Boone, 3B - Open Heart surgery might mean its time to kick back and relax.

Jermaine Dye, RF - Nobody wants Dye as a DH?

Nomar Garciaparra, 1B - NOMAH!!! Get back on the juice.

Brett Tomko, SP - Tomko bitched about getting cut by the Yanks after he was terrible last year.

Dmitri Young, 1B - DaMeat Hook is a available, get DaMeat while its hot.

Chad Bradford, RP - No one wants knuckles on their dirt?

Kiko Calero, RP - Kool name not kool stuff.

Darin Erstad, LF - No longer a slick fielding CF or a very good hitter.

Livan Hernandez, SP - Livan's ERA is slightly larger than his wasteline.

Braden Looper, SP - Looper's ERA went up up and away last year.

Eric Milton, SP - He was trade for Chuck Knoblach, aka he's old.

Tomo Ohka, SP - Ohka was pretty much never that good.

Joe Beimel, RP - He was really good about 2 years ago.

Joe Crede, 3B - Crede stopped being able to hit the ball about three years ago.

Hank Blalock, 1B - Remember when Blalock looked like a future home run champ?

Shawn Riggans, C - Yay backup catchers.

Rocco Baldelli, RF - Sign Rocco and get three DL trips for free.