Drew Rosenhaus seems like an a-hole. It comes as no surprise that he would represent an eclectic group of atheletes of equal or greater a-holeness. The current Lance Briggs “I like to smash up peoples dream cars” situation sparked my in interest this. I started asking Simon about it, and after some research, this is what I’ve come up with…

First, you can view the Rosenhaus Sports Representation client list here at the never questioned Wikipedia. You can tell by the Superman symbol that they can not only get you an outstanding contract, but can do it faster than a speeding bullet while they leap tall buildings in a single bound. I could go on and on about what a smarmy ass clown this guy is, but I’d rather talk about scumbag idiot athletes. Who knew smarmy was an actual word?

1) Lance Briggs I know he says he “panicked” and abandoned the scene, but I’ve abandoned the scene before and then ate a half jar of peanut butter and waited for the cruiser. Of course I had the luxury of being 150 feet from my front door.

2) Ocho Cinco Did you see his behavior the other day? That was a preseason game, keep that in mind.

3) Ben Brainlikeahamburger As if football wasn’t punishing enough, you have to go out and bust your head up on motorcycle? Concussions will f*ck you up, see Troy Aikman, Trent Green, every boxer in history.

4) Olindo Mare If there is a bigger a-hole, I’ve never seen him.

5) Clinton Portis Defender of dog fighting, endorser of the home stripper pole. Ok, so the home stripper pole is a plus.

6) Warren Sapp My hatred for Sapp runs deeper then any hatred I have for any other athlete. Mostly, I hate that he is a fat mess of a human being and can still make millions being an athlete. That and blindsiding offensive lineman miles behind the play. You can say, “That’s football,” but we all know that it was low down and dirty. Did I mention I hate him?

7) TO I think that’s self explanatory.

Although I haven't included them in this list, lets keep in mind the ridiculous number of holdouts that Rosenhaus has induced. Rosenhaus makes money by bullying and holding out, and I agree with him that the rules are skewed towards the owners/teams and not the players, but I have to agree with Al Thompson on this one. If you’re going to demand fair compensation for over-performance, then you open yourself up to the opposite. In terms of the holding out, that's absolute crap. With the exception of rookies (and that's a stretch because they are unproven) holding out is the highest form of scumbaggery. You signed a contract. In my book that means you've put your word and your honor down on paper for a certain amount of money. Demanding more money at all is a slight on your word and honor at any point during the contract and I won't even talk about one year into the contract.

I believe I’ve made my point here. None of that stuff was very terrible, but everybody on that list is an idiot, with the exception of Mare, who is a complete idiot.

Keep in mind that I would kill myself in ways nobody has ever even imagined to be in Rosenhaus’ shoes at age 42. I guess I’ll have to settle for paying my student loans off by then.

It's ok though cause he did his tough guy chest pound afterwards. That's right you're hard or your nuts are small enough that somehow that missed.

~James Blake actually didn't choke in the 5th set last night that is friggin great. Cost me a about an hour of sleep but it was worth it watching Santoro's 1980s beach polo. Santoro is also pretty fun to watch because he's french and well a pussy, he can't hit the ball hard so all he does is slice and lob and act like a human mosquito. It would be overly annoying to play that guy.

~100% Injury Rate which always seems to dig up solid stories uncovered the fact that their is a Vick-esque dog fighting incident in Ireland right now. Gerard Calvin a Gaelic Football star got busted for his own Dog Fighting ring. Good thing he's from Northern Ireland so I can disassociate myself from him

~So who wants to play beer pong digitally, on the Wii of course. Does the Wii have solid internet connection, like will you be able to play a buddy in beer pong on the web? That's insanity, and overly anti-social.

~Remember when Billy Wagner choked non stop for the Phillies a few years back when they needed him to make the postseason? Remember how Armando Benitez sucked in September and October for the Mets? Well Billy seems to be combining his play with the Phillies and pieces of Armando.

~More on the Mets, they are playing the Braves this weekend and well the Braves own them and the Braves have the advantage in every single pitching matchup. Their offense better get in gear big time because they easily could find themselves not in first place in either the East or the Wildcard come monday.

~I found this funny, the Cubs have the largest division lead in the National League.

~Why the hell would Major League Baseball be that concerned with Terry Francona wearing the correct uniform under his pullover jacket? Asking him during the game? What the hell is the big friggin deal? Sometimes you have to wonder about these friggin rules.

~The Yanks have the Red Sox and Mariners series remaining. The rest of the series are KC, TB, Toronto and Baltimore. It's time they stop sucking against Baltimore.

~Hooray for the NCAA they did something sensible by allowing Oklahoma to pay for a recruit's funeral after he was shot to death on friday. Initially Oklahoma told their booster to stop because they thought they might be subject to NCAA violation because the brother of the deceased is a Sophomore Running back.

~If you were going to take a guess as to which soccer team was wearing a white jersey with a singular red cross you would have to guess England right? Well if you know anything about international flags you would. And well you would be wrong, that is Serie A Italian Powerhouse Inter Milan who typically wears blue and black stripes. Apparently they have a patron saint. Umm, ok.

~I really need photoshop, paint works most of the time but it needs the ability to rotate pictures at degrees not divisible by 90.

~Here are my EC columns this week, one about the lame Mets call on Wednesday night and one on Babalu. Check them out if you are so inclined.

Not Quite to the level of Waste of Mr. Beckett last week but this week did provide us with some nice meltdowns in temper and logic. Here are this weeks contestants:

1. Brett Myers - You know maybe I can understand making excuses after blowing a game at the launching pad that is in Philadelphia by giving up two homers in the ninth. Calling the homers popups. And maybe I can understand flipping out on the press. But doing both in the span of a few minutes simply because the one reporter said he thought one of the homers was legit. Ya Anger problems. 2. Rafer Alston - Just what the NBA needs to improve its image, a little casual knife fight. Skip 2 My Lou is giving the And 1 mix tape tour a bad rap, well except for maybe the Professor he probably could use a little hard image change considering he's got the physique of Cotton. 3. Renato "Babalu" Sobral - The first rule of fight club You Do Not Talk about Fight Club... Seventh Rule, Fights will go as long as they have to. Apparently Babalu thinks that as long as they have to is significantly after a man taps out. I guess if you want to look on the bright side, he only choked him out until he was unconscious and not to death. 4. Lance Briggs - At first I just thought it was the normal get into an accident at night drunk run away from the car ordeal. But than Briggs throws a screw ball and says that he called the cops to report the vehicle stolen, and then called them to say actually it was his fault. Now it is assured he was drunk, either that or he's one of the dumbest men on the planet.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

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Last Weeks Winner: Allan Michael Beckett

That was intelligence at it's finest. And check out her subway map, it's pretty damn funny.


Wow tough guy one second, infant baby the next. Personifies Cub fans everywhere.



Now if he was on the sidelines and not in the game when he did this does the team have to play with 10 men? Does he get a red card, I'd imagine so.


Some people in the South don't like watching a fat out of shape kid get his ass kicked by a professional MMA fighter? Wow people in the South believe in humanity, who knew.


I love when Refs get jacked up...


I didn't know blindfolds turned you into Hellen Keller... Thanks for that Ashley.

Courtesy of (in order) EC, With Leather, Who Ate All the Pies, 100% Injury Rate, Youtube, FoodCourtLunch

Mr. Chamberlain got thrown out of the game after an inning and a third today. For throwing high nonetheless, which Sterling said was nonsense, I guess we'll believe him. Although Youkilis is ugly so I would say that the intent could have been there.

But the question must be asked, since he pitched an inning and a third, can he pitch on Saturday? Even Sterling said, "I wonder if this means that Joba can pitch after just one days rest." Very astute John, I am shocked.

My guess is Chamberlain can pitch on Saturday only if the inning comes after 3:33. Why? Because that doesn't make any sense, kind of like the overly precautious Joba rules in the first place. Oh, and he threw less than 20 pitches again so he could by Little League standards pitch tomorrow.

But in solid news the Yankees swept. Woo. And Edwar avoided what could have been the lamest first earned run in a professional career. Since if he let Youkilis on base the hit or walk would have been credited to Chamberlain and so would have the run. But alas, a subject that won't have to be brought up.

You better have that worried look on your face Michael. Underdog takes crap from no one. He's going to tear you limb from limb.

Courtesy of Gary Varvel

Ever since bringing up Joba Chamberlain the Yanks have enforced the so called Joba rules in which for every inning he pitches during a game he needs a day off. This somewhat makes sense since Joba is a starting pitcher and is not used to throwing daily and he is a prized jewel in the organization so why risk damage to his arm. The Yanks should be cautious and make sure nothing destructive happens over the last month and a half of the season.

Meanwhile the Little League World Series was going on and I was very much annoyed by their new pitching restrictions on players. You could only throw 85 pitches in a game? Come on. The kid from Texas had a chance to make history twice but was kicked to the curb cause he hit 85 pitches. And they implemented a strict 20 pitch rule where if you threw over 20 pitches in a game you couldn't throw the next day, so sometimes kids didn't get threw a single inning and had to be taken out so they could be brought into the game the next day.

Then last night when Joba couldn't pitch because of the Joba rules it hit me, the Yankees are treating Joba like a little leaguer. And I decided to look up Joba's stats and his pitch counts per game and it was even more extreme than I initially thought. The Joba Rules are more restrictive than the rules for 11 and 12 year olds.

Joba has entered 8 games this season thus far, in those games he has throw 2 innings twice and a single inning the remaining six times. In his two inning outings he threw 21 and 33 pitches respectively, in Little League rules this calls for a single day off, in Joba rules it calls for two days off. In Joba's single inning appearances he has yet to reach the 20 pitch mark, his largest total being 19 against the Red Sox on monday. In Little League rules Joba could have pitched the next day every single time, in Joba rules he needs to take a day off before his next appearance.

Now I'm in favor of not blowing up the kids arm, but he's not an 11 or 12 year old. And in reality the Yankees are treating him with standards so extreme that every single appearance the Joba rules have called for an extra days worth of rest from the overly strict Little League Rules.

Loosen up the restrictions a little bit Cashman, he's the best arm you got in the bullpen (Did You Watch Farny Last Night) and the kid can certainly be held to hire standards than a 5 foot 2 115 pound 12 year old Texan.

"Fighting the Biased and Discrimination against the Mustached American. Doing whatever we can to support to Mustached American, so that they can live their lives as freely as someone without a mustache."

Well said my mustachio'd friend. Well Said.

5. Eastern Carolina Pirates at Virginia Tech Hokies
This game is less about the competitiveness and more about the return of College Football and some distractions to the VaTech campus after the horrible events of earlier this year. If anything can bring that community together it's their passion for the football team. In addition College Gameday will be there. The Pick: VaTech by mucho

4. Louisiana State Tigers at Mississippi State Bulldogs
The opener on National Television tomorrow night. The game shouldn't really be that competitive. MSU is very bad and and LSU is amongst the National Title hopefuls. But it signals the start of football in 2007 and for that reason its big. So enjoy the first half before the game is out of hand. The Pick: LSU in a landslide

3. Florida State Seminoles at Clemson Tigers
Bowden bowl in the opening week of the season? Interesting. Personally I'm not a fan of big in conference matchups to open the season, I really think there should be a game or two to open up against out of conference teams. At the end of the season the conference title could be determined by the first game, that just doesn't seem right. The Pick: FSU going for the Senior

2. Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets at Notre Dame Fighting Irish
This could be a fun year for the average Notre Dame hater. They left all of their cake walk games for the end of the schedule and could get off to a brutal start. I just don't think GaTech is going to be that terrific this year either and maybe I'm the lone one here but I think ND will pull this one out. The Pick: ND

1. Tennessee Volunteers at California Golden Bears
This home and home series is pretty sweet. They both have high expectations they both are ranked, though not as high as last season, and with the first 3 hours of the season one will see their national title dreams pretty much smashed. Oh the glory of scheduling a good opponent Week 1 instead of Appalachian St. or Buffalo. The Pick: Cal Bears for revenge

College Football starts tomorrow night... Yes tomorrow night, fall is almost upon us so here goes a full out conference by conference BCS by BCS prediction. And then in January I can pretend like I was a genius or not mention how bad my picks were.

Conferences I Don't Care About Winners

Sub Belt: Louisiana Lafayette, cause their Ragin Cajuns.
CUSA East: Southern Miss, Home of Favre.
CUSA West: Houston, Cause Everyone Loves Cougars.
CUSA Winner: Houston, Again Cougars = USA.
MAC East: Bowling Green, Cause I like Bowling.
MAC West: Western Michigan, A Directional Michigan Winning?
MAC Winner: Western Michigan, And the Title too?
Mountain West: TCU, Blew it last year, won't this year.
WAC: Hawaii, Colt Brennan will put up massive #s.

Important Conference Winners

ACC Atlantic: I'm going bounce back year for FSU in the ACC Atlantic because they finally fired their douche offensive coordinator that refused to get it done year after year. Now Bobby brought in some real coaches so maybe just maybe they can convince their QB not to suck. And well the ACC really isn't that good.

ACC Coastal: Everyone should root for VaTech this year unless they are playing your school. And everyone should hope that they pull through and win the ACC Coastal so that they can throw parties on the beaches of Blacksburg... err the mountainous landscape which resides nowhere near the Atlantic Ocean.

ACC Winner: VaTech 20 FSU 9, Hokie pride. I really think the defense should carry VaTech to the title this season. Granted Glennon sucks, really badly and they typically choke atleast a couple times a season. But this year could be different. Vick will be celebrating in lockdown.

Big East Winner: Another three team battle between Rutgers, West Virginia and Louisville. The Big East which looked like the ugly stepsister of the BCS for so long has one of the most intriguing races in all of football this season. Come October 27th when WVU heads to Piscataway I expect all three teams to be undefeated. And you know what I'm gonna be the odd ball that says Rutgers gets it done that game, but then loses to Louisville in a reversal of last years fate. And Louisville takes the Big East crown.

Big 10 Winner: Me talking about the Big 10 has some major biases. I love Michigan, but as a fan know that they pretty much choke every single year, and that is before they lose the bowl game. This year I think they finally get it done against Ohio St. but their stumbling block comes in Badgerland, but the Badgers lose a few games earlier in the season and Michigan ends up with the Big 10 crown.

Big 12 North: For the first time in years their might actually be reason to care about the Big 12 North, well atleast one team, as Nebraska should actually be pretty good this season. Reason being they actually have a veteran QB who has had a lot of success during college, just not at Nebraska. Arizona St. transfer Sam Keller is their Qb.

Big 12 South:Bob Stoops probably isn't very happy at the fact he will be suiting up a red shirt freshman to play Quarterback for the Sooners this year. Especially considering during their peak years he was running out 5th year seniors. Once again this will come down to the Red River Shootout, unless A&M makes a push which is doubtful, and Texas will again take it home.

Big 12 Title Game: Texas 24 Nebraska 20, the Longhorns sneak by the Cornhuskers to pave their way to the BCS... But which game?

Pac 10 Winner: Wake me up when the Pac-10 supplies some competition for the Trojans. It's been the Pac 1+9 for a long time right now and their is no evidence that it is going to change this season. USC is going to continue to run the train on their competition and this year won't choke against UCLA.

SEC East: They won the national title last year and lost a lot of players and a lot of folks think they're going to have a down season. Me? I think the SEC East is a big clusterf*ck and no one is going to come close to running the table and eventually Florida will sneak out of the pac because Urban Meyer is a genius.

SEC West: The SEC West is probably going to be down this season from it's typical standards and Les "Assbag" Miles should have his defensive juggernaut ready to run havoc on the competition.

SEC Winner: Florida 17 LSU 13, Les Miles vs. Urban Meyer... hmm... I'm sorry I don't have to put much thought into Urban Meyer masterminding a game plan which leads him to defeat a team with slightly superior talent.

Heisman Winner

Personally I think the Heisman is up for grabs this year big time with no real front runner. I know people are in love with McFadden but will Arkansas be that good this season? Everyone and their mother is picking USC for the title so won't that give Booty the edge? I'm gonna go out on a limb and pick someone a little less likely. Ray Rice of Rutgers. His numbers were phenomenal last season, Rutgers has a cake walk early schedule in which he can pile up big time numbers and big time hype and Rutgers can climb up the polls. If Rutgers can get it done against UL and/or WVU he will be there at the Ceremony with a chance to take the trophy home.

BCS Title Game Predictions

Fiesta Bowl: Wisconsin vs. Oklahoma - The Fiesta bowl always brings some random matchup. Wisconsin Oklahoma is pretty random. I actually think the Badgers would pull of this victory.

Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. West Virginia - West Virginia finishes the season near the bubble of BCS eligible schools however the Orange Bowl seeks out this rivalry because, well the two schools hate each other and will travel well to the game and bring a little mountain interest. Tech ends up knocking out White or Slaton from the game and taking home BCS win.

Rose Bowl: Michigan vs. LSU - Another season another trip to the Rose Bowl for Michigan and another loss. Not much else to say. This will bode well for LSU next season.

Sugar Bowl: Florida vs. Louisville - After Louisville snipes the Big East Crown on some sort of weird fangled tie breaker they get to face Florida in the Sugar bowl. Aka, they get throttled in the Sugar Bowl.

National Title Game: USC vs. Texas - Both teams run the table, the only two in the country to do so. Here's the indelible pattern that you should realize by now if you've paid attention to college football, you beat Michigan in the Rose Bowl you win the next National Championship, perhaps that's their excuse for being dominated in the game. 2004 Michigan loses to USC 28-14, USC dominates Oklahoma in the national championship game. 2005 Michigan loses to Texas 38-37 because Vince Young acts like god, next year Vince Young acts like god again and knocks of the Trojans. 2007 USC throttle Michigan next year the Trojans parade around the town with another trophy.

See this is what half time entertainment should be all of the time. Children get wrecked by something, whether that be mascots or actual NFL players. More children getting hit = more quality entertainment.

Courtesy of First and 10 Inches

Yesterday, I sent out a desperate plea for folks to vote for Kige Ramsey for the Deadspin Hall of Fame. He was right there yesterday when I mailed in my last vote. He sat at 72.9% just a mere 2.1% percent away from the strict Deadspin Cutoff. Over the next hour Kige climbed closer and closer and reached 74.1% of the vote, just .9% away. But alas he was denied, so close and yet so far. What a sad day for everyone in the blogosphere universe.

I implore you Mr. Leitch, a Veteran's Committee vote for Kige Ramsey. Phil Rizzuto didn't get in on the Writers' Ballot, but the Veteran's Committee was there to back him up and send the Scooter to the Hall.

Like Scooter, Kige always brings his best to his broadcasts. He offers top notch opinions like calling Who's Now one of the best segments Sportscenter has ever done. You have to have a lot of stones to take such a controversial stance on such a hot topic. Only someone deserving of a hall of fame could ever take away some of my hatred towards Who's Now.

Kige Ramsey is a first ballot hall of famer, it is a shame that he is going to be treated like Goose Gossage and fall just short of such an honor. The people that didn't vote for you are the ones who refuse to vote for Nolan Ryan or Cal Ripken saying that no one should go into the Hall Unanimously. Those voters are always wrong, and so were these Deadspinners.

I mourn for you Kige and hope that this never discourages you from keeping up your professionalism and top notch analysis. You are a hall of famer in my eyes.

Last night their just so happened to be a Lunar Eclipse in Massachusetts, so of course someone in Massachusetts had to remember that there was a Lunar Eclipse the last time the Red Sox won the World Series and therefore it's a good omen.

"The last time there was a mix of a lunar eclipse and a baseball game it worked out really well for the Red Sox," Binzel said. "We'll see if the magic can repeat itself."

How about the omen that is good is the fact that the Yanks have lost 5 of their last 7 games and are coming off a pummeling at the hands of the Tigers.

Tiger Woods is sweet. I can't wait until Sir Charles is in Tiger Woods golf sometime in the future. I wonder if on the Wii if you were to use Sir Charles you would have to attempt the hitch in the swing. Legitimately I don't think anyone in the world has a worse golf swing.

Courtesy of Sons of Sam Malone

Well use your hair of course. The only problem is that Chad Johnson went for 83 yards on 5 catches with one touchdown... So the trash talk didn't remotely work. I'm beginning to think that DeAngelo Hall is one of the most overrated players in the NFL, I'm sure his hype will go down a bit this season when the Falcons suck though.

Courtesy of Mr. Irrelevant and the Fanhouse

Kige's analysis is so crisp and on the money all the time, the kid needs to make the Deadspin hall. It will be his lifelong crowning achievement.

Vote For Kige for the Deadspin Hall of Fame

I always kind of felt the steeple chase didn't get enough pub during typical track events. But now that I've seen a dude headbutt the massive hurdle, I'm thinking it definitely needs more love.

Courtesy of Fanhouse

~In points you can make to say golf is not a sport see exhibit A. Colt Knost, who played in yesterday's US Amateur final and won. See he's fat, really fat as you can see. I think he's got a keg and a half instead of a six pack. I'm surprised he can actually walk 18 holes. He's the reason why golfers should carry their own bags, I don't think he could handle it.

~Travis Henry needs to get paid. Why because he has 9 different children with 9 different woman in 4 different states and he needed to borrow cash from the Titans to pay off payments he missed last season.

~Lance Briggs totaled his $350,000 Lamborghini on a Chicago Expressway and fled the scene leaving the car abandoned. This screams one of two things either someone stole the car, or Briggs was drunk and didn't want to get a DUI and thus fled the scene. I'd assume the latter.

~Vick Officially plead guilty this morning so we can enjoy his sentencing.... Which takes place in f*ing December. What? December 10th, that's 12+ weeks into the football season, damn. Basically I think it all depends on how many people he rats out on what his sentence may or may not be reduced to.

~How about Boomer Wells hustling out a bunt single last night. That was the best thing I've seen all week. Get the dude an oxygen mask.

~Meanwhile in out of shape pitcher news, Todd Jones ran to 1st base to get Hideki Matsui out and he stated "I'm gonna need some time."

~The Yanks really need better pitching, which is almost assuredly not going to happen today with Mussina taking the hill.

~The Little League World Series this weekend was sweet with three walkoff homers. But the 85 pitch rule is completely lame.

~Ronaldo the Brazilian Superstar soccer player who has been ridiculed over the past few seasons for being overweight, has a medical condition which lead to it. Ha, Brazil was killing a player who had no control over being fat.

So I traveled up to Mass this weekend to booze it up with my college buddies. I won one dominating game of horseshoes (Clarky is good), I broke one patio chair leg and carried it around like it was a Preying Mantis leg, I was probably incredibly annoying to everyone involved, and then I passed out on a sofa most likely before everyone else, all an all a mediocre to poor showing by myself but still a good time.

But on to what pissed me off this weekend, the Mass Pike. So I'm heading up on saturday afternoon and I'm making beautiful time, driving about 85 the entire way until all of a sudden I get on the Mass Pike and within a mile I'm in bumper to bumper traffic. Because I am completely impatient this pisses me off to no end. Eventually leading me to just drop F bombs at the top of my lungs for no other reason then I'm pissed off and want to move.

So of course what always peaks my interest is what stupid shit garnered this traffic. Could it be someone pulled off on the side of a road? Perhaps a truck (that lead to massive traffic on 84 on my voyage home). Could it actually be a decent accident which deserves traffic backed up. Is it something dumb like they decided to just drop the highway from 3 to 2 lanes to do construction?

No it was none of the above. It was a f*ing lane split. Aka the fast lane had to veer to the left an additional 10 ft and the two lanes on the right moved a couple of feet over and there was a portion of the road in between blocked off. This road split last for about 30 yards. So it was nothing, absolutely nothing, you had to move your god damn car over 10 ft for about 10 seconds of driving and then it cleared up right after that. So essentially I was in 35 minutes of stop and go traffic because some assclown needed to break because they need to move their car 10 feet to the left and created a clusterf*ck of traffic. I hope you sir got food poisoning or someone pulled an Oklahoma nut grab on you. You dirt bag.

And but of course the same shit happened on the way home. Another 35 minutes of my life thrown down the crapper cause the Mass Pike blows. Ugh...

So I have a class and one of my assignments was to do an analysis of two competitors in a business. And because I did well in the rest of my assignments and the teacher is an ardent Yankee fan I figured why the hell not, lets do a Yankee vs. Red Sox comparison.

Focus

In the upcoming stages of professional baseball the two teams that stand above the rest will be the Yankees and the Red Sox. Due to the financial structure of major league baseball teams that can raise their salary levels higher than the typical team have a significant advantage to compete. This paper will analyze the similarities and differences in ways that the Yankees and Red Sox are currently acquiring their cash to supply to their teams salaries and possible ventures in the future, which could expand their wealth.

The paper will provide a value curve comparison between the two franchises.

Value Curve Categories

Brand Name: Both franchises have a large history resulting in loyal local fan bases as well fans throughout the entire United States. This is evident in road attendance figures. Since 2001 the Yankees have lead Major League Baseball in road attendance 5 times while the Red Sox lead in Road Attendance Numbers in 2005 and are the current leaders this season.

Forbes magazine estimated that the Yankees are worth 1.2 billion dollars while the Red Sox are worth an estimated 724 million.

The Red Sox and Yankees are vastly ahead of the majority of major league clubs with regards to brand name and image.

Foreign Expansion: The Yankees expanded their brand image to Japan initially with the signing of Hideki Irabu. However their biggest splash has come with the signing of left fielder Hideki Matsui. With the signing of Matsui the Yankees saw their telecasts to Japan take an immediate jump from 20 per season to around 100 games each season. In addition the signing of Matsui opened the doors for Japanese advertising both on television and from within the stadium. A Japanese newspaper currently has an advertisement on the left field wall behind Matsui when he is in the field. The Red Sox entered the Japanese market this season with the signing of Daisuke Matsuzaka who was amongst the Japanese best pitchers. The deal has given the Red Sox similar Japanese advertising and coverage as the Yankees received with Matsui. To further their exploitation the Red Sox have developed a ticket package called the Daisuke experience which allows people to watch the game and meet Daisuke Matsuzaka.

In addition the Yankees became the first major league baseball team this season to sign a player from mainland China in an effort to further their international brand.

Furthermore, the New York Yankee symbol is synonymous with the city. And often in foreign markets Yankee hats can be seen in stores to allow the customers to purchase a New York product.

The Yankees and Red Sox are much further ahead of the typical major league franchise when it comes to global expansion. The only other major league team that can lay claim to having as much international interest is the Seattle Mariners with Ichiro Suzuki.

Stadiums: Both teams currently play in tradition soaked stadiums that are amongst the three oldest stadiums in the country. With Fenway Park the Red Sox have the smallest capacity in the major leagues. However, they have increased their capacity in recent years with the addition of premium seating above the Green Monster as well as the .406 club. The Red Sox are currently on a stretch of 370+ sellouts and as a result have the demand to charge a higher ticket price than any other franchise. Meanwhile the Yankees lead baseball in attendance and eclipsed 4 million tickets sold in both 2005 and 2006.

The Red Sox with their additions to Fenway have made it clear they plan on staying in the historic park for the foreseeable future. In contrast the Yankees have begun developing a new Yankee Stadium to be opened in 2009. The resulting stadium, which is being built at an expense of 800 million to the franchise, is expected to increase luxury box revenue from 157 million in 2005 to an estimated 253 million in 2009. In addition the Yankees rent fee will be lowered from 10 million per season to 10 dollars per season. The Yankees may also take over the concession system or offer advertising of plazas within the new stadium to garner more revenue.

Fenway Park and the current Yankee Stadium have more prestige than other ballparks around the country. In reality though the team is what brings people to the stadium, and not the stadium itself. For the Red Sox their attendance restrictions drive up ticket demand, however it limits them hitting their top capacity, as if the stadium had more seats more tickets would be sold.

TV Networks: Both the Yankees and Red Sox ventured into the cable TV business which the staple point is their baseball franchise. The Yankees own a 37 percent share in the Yankees Entertainment and Sports (YES) network which was recently valued at a price of 3 to 3.5 Billion dollars. The Red Sox own an 80 percent share of the New England Sports Network (NESN). Both Networks provide a large revenue stream per season from cable fees and advertising.

Only a few other major league baseball teams have ownership in a television network.

Additional TV Revenue: Both franchises are commonly featured on nationally televised games by the FOX network and ESPN. This furthers brand image as well as generates additional revenue. Also, the Yankees currently have a licensed deal with local UPN networks to show Friday night games, allowing non-cable subscribers in the tri-state area to watch games. Meanwhile, the Red Sox left their former agreement with UPN 38 this season and all games are broadcast on NESN with the exception of national broadcasts.
Because the Yankees and Red Sox show most of their games on NESN and YES respectively their additional TV Revenue is lower than other franchises.

Outside Ventures: Currently the Yankees as an organization have focused on baseball operations and the YES Network. Meanwhile, the Red Sox have begun to diversify and look for additional revenue streams. Earlier in 2007 the Fenway Sports Group purchased a 50 percent share in the NASCAR Roush racing team to create the Roush Fenway Racing team. Fenway Sports Group is also branching out into other businesses such as Fanfoto a project, which sells photos of fans at games.


Conclusion

The Yankees and Red Sox have significant advantages when it comes to revenue sources than do the other major league baseball teams. By having the additional revenue the Red Sox and Yankees will continue to be able to have a salary structure much higher than the typical franchises that allows them to purchase high priced free agents to bolster the current squad as well as improve the farm system coaching staffs. If the Red Sox find high success rates in their outside ventures they may be able challenge the Yankees in the near future for the largest payroll. However, if these outside ventures are not highly successful the Yankees may be able to widen the gap when they begin gaining additional revenue with the opening of the new stadium in 2009.

Yankees vs. Red Sox Sources

Red Sox expand reach through Fenway Sports Group, Sporting News. http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?t=258640

Home Base for Mets and Yankees Fans, NY Independent Budget Office
http://www.ibo.nyc.ny.us/iboreports/stadiumsurvey.html

New England Sports Network, Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_England_Sports_Network

YES Network, Wikipedia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/YES_Network

Roush Fenway Racing Homepage
http://www.roushfenway.com/

New York: Godzilla to the Rescue?, Business Week
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/03_09/b3822075.htm

Matsuzaka Factor Mobilizes Boston, The Boston Globe
http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2007/02/11/matsuzaka_factor_mobilizes_red_sox/

The Yankees face life after George, Fortune
http://money.cnn.com/2007/08/03/news/companies/yankees.fortune/index.htm?postversion=2007080313

The Yankees Stadium Windfall, Fortune
http://money.cnn.com/2007/08/10/news/newsmakers/yankees_stadium.fortune/index.htm

The Business of Baseball, Forbes
http://www.forbes.com/2007/04/19/business-baseball-valuations-07mlb-cz_kb_0419baseball_land.html

Red Sox Nation new king of the road, USA Today
http://www.usatoday.com/sports/baseball/al/redsox/2007-08-22-Roadattendance_N.htm

Yankees' Chinese players are meant to be start of something bigger, Yahoo Sports
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-yankees-chineseplayers&prov=ap&type=lgns

~First off here are my three posts at EC this week: One again about the douche who caught 756 and the other about how I think the drafting two RBs in the two rounds theory is nonsense. Where myself and Winning the Turnover Battle are engaged a little bit in the comments section as he is a major proponent of it. And this one about whether the nut grabber should be raped in prison.

~Gary Sheffield being injured is both killing the Detroit Tigers and killing two of my fantasy teams. He better just go on the DL soon, shit is killing me. If it wasn't by Sept. 1 he would be on the DL by now.

~I feel as if the Yanks are gonna rack around the Tigers yet again this weekend. I think the Tigers are set to edge themselves further away from the Indians which is a shame because at one point I thought they were the scariest team in baseball.

~David Beckham got into a little scuffle last night. Soccer scuffles are hilarious because every one is a little bitch and doesn't know how to throw punches. And once a player gets hit with anything he flies to the ground like he got hit by a Tyson punch.

~Perhaps I should have included to Orioles pitching staff in the Weekly Waste awards.

~The walkoff homers in the International Little League semifinals were pretty cool. I especially enjoyed the Venezuelans crying. Made my heart all tingly inside.

~Ozzie Guillen is considering batting Jim Thome leadoff? Just so he can get more ABs this season.

~The wunderkids that were brought up this month, Justin Upton and Cameron Maybin are both struggling to adjust and are hitting in the mid to low 20s.

~The Jets traded Pete Kendall for draft picks to surprise the Redskins. That franchise really hates draft picks.

The one at the 1:26 mark is probably my favorite, it's like a give it go / back door cut in basketball. Although I can't say I even knew that PK pass was legal. I thought the Keeper atleast had to touch it.

Courtesy of The Offside

And I've taken part in or seen some pretty ridiculous stunts while drunk. I've seen friends get teeth smashed out their mouth, fingers damn near cut off and I've seen a gallon of beer get polished off in under 20 minutes. Well under. Hell, I've even poured a grill full of burning charcoal into my trunk...while it was full I've fireworks.

But I've never been as drunk, nor have I ever seen anybody as drunk, as you'd have to be to do something this retarded. I don't what the thought process was, but I'd like to. It was suggested to me that perhaps he was just looking for a safe place to shack up for the night and thought, "Nobody can bother me in that cage."

I for one think the bears may have looked thirsty, and perhaps this clown was trying to share the festive attitude. But, we all know how picky bears can be when it comes to beer.

This should be a mandatory build at the fraternity. And launch people right into the library parking lot, I'm sure we wouldn't go on probation again or anything.

Courtesy of AA

There were a few early week candidates that looked like they could be in strong contention but then one man shined above all else and proved to be perhaps the biggest waste of oxygen this year. Here are the contestants:

1. Mark Reynolds - When you're a professional baseball player striking out sucks. If you strike out the only benefit is that you effectively can't hit into a double play. Well Reynolds effectively couldn't hit into a double play 9 consecutive at bats. 2. Latrell Sprewell - Poor Latrell at one point complained about how in the world he was going to be able to feed his children on his million dollar contract. Well apparently he wasn't getting paid enough to save up and not be due over a million of back payments for his yacht. Poor Guy, now he's gonna have to sell Milwaukee's Best. 3. Atlas - Remember the old school arm wrestling games at the Arcade back in the day? They were so bulky and really not that cool. Well Japan with all their interactive games came out with a new version, which when you get to a certain difficulty level has the ability to snap your arm in half. Now thats on hard. 4. Allan Michael Beckett - If this guy isn't a runaway winner this week I will be shocked. There have been times where I've been pissed off at a Red Sox fan enough to throw him (Conidi) against the wall and tell him to shut the f* up. But never and I mean never have or will I ever think about tearing a dudes scrotum off his leg. I hope you get raped in prison a lot Mr. Beckett.

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Last Weeks Winner: Jose Offerman

When Sideyard was on the Sox, man was he a douche. I hated that guy and his damn NESN commercials and the Cowboy Up crap. The sad fact is that his two walks in 2004 might be the biggest at bats in Red Sox history. Kind of disgusting.

Courtesy of Fanhouse

30-3 now that is complete suckitude. I absolutely can't wait until Elias, Jayson Stark, or Tiny Tim comes out with some posts that analyze all of the ridiculous facts about this game. I've already heard a few solid tidbits like the Rangers struck out 30 times in their previous two games and scored 30 runs in the next. They actually didn't score in more innings than they did. The Oreo's team era went from 7th in the AL to 11th in that single game. Etc...

Again I was listening to talk radio yesterday and heard more nonsensical words spoken. As we all know Tom Brady is about to be a daddy and well, he's asked for a little time off so he can witness the birth of his first child. This only happens once in your lifetime so it makes pretty much perfect sense for a man to want to witness this event, regardless of whether you are still with the mother or not.

Well apparently it doesn't make sense to Missanelli, probably because he's an idiot, but he believes that Brady essentially acted as a sperm bank and that him wanting to witness the birth of his son after he broke up with a pregnant woman is blasphemous.

Mike, get with the 21st century. First off Brady dumped her before he knew she was pregnant. Just because she was pregnant doesn't mean that Brady should fling his new girlfriend down the sewer and run back to the old girl whom he was obviously not overly happy with. Next, just because he wants to witness the birth of his child doesn't mean Giselle should be insulted, it's his first child, he should be as much a part of the child's life as Bridget. Brady is not in fact a sperm doner, Mike, he is the father who wants to be a willing participant in the child's life, how about you stop lambasting him for what any father of a divorce or separation should do. Seriously, you are a complete idiot.

Wow I can't believe I just defended Tom Brady, I think I'm gonna have to wash my mind out with some Jager and perhaps piss on Swallowman's sofa this weekend to get back a little more hatred of all things Massachusetts.

Note: My Brazilian Co-Worker is telling me that a Brazilian newspaper is saying that Giselle and Brady are engaged, which seems pretty damn weird timing to me. Watch the birth of your son with another woman and get engaged on the same day. Very weird. I don't believe it.

The two biggest villains of the past 10 years in Detroit have arguably been Matt Millen and Joey Harrington. They were synonymous with the Lions failure and helped make Detroit the laughing stock of the NFL. Harrington was the third pick and struggled to find any kind of success until eventually they dumped him in favor of Jon Kitna and sent him packing to Miami last season.

Surprisingly enough their is one person coming to the defense of Joey Harrington and that person just so happens to be the best player on the Detroit Lions, Roy Williams. Roy came to the defense of Joey Harrington earlier this week and said that he thinks the system is why Harrington did not succeed in Detroit.

"I wish Joey could have stayed here and been in this offense and be able to refine his tools under coach Martz," Williams said.

"To me we were not short route guys," Williams said. "We didn't want to run the short route stuff. We wanted to run deep and I think that is what Joey wanted to do and I think that is what he was talking about being handcuffed."


So as a person that likes to read into things, lets say that Roy thinks that Matt Millen was either A) Stupid to draft Joey Harrington into a system he didn't fit or B) Matt Millen should have hired a coach to tailor the system to his first big time draft pick which he invested much of the franchise in. In other words Roy Williams thinks it's all Matt Millen's fault.

As I've proclaimed before I listen to a lot of talk radio. I have 2 hours of commute on non school days and 2:45 on days I have class which is filled mostly by talk radio. In addition often times at work I throw on the web feed of espn radio. So I listen to it a lot. And right now I am so damn sick of the Vick talk radio. Everything is so played out, the callers are the same, their points are the same, nothing is different than it was a month ago. Can we please talk about something else.

Next time you hear someone on radio talk to Vick don't listen, I already know what the callers will be. Here's 10 callers you can expect to hear:

1. Puppy lover saying that Vick is disgraceful and how could you possibly do that to animals.

2. Guy from the south or Caribbean calling up and saying that Vick grew up with it and not to kill him cause he doesn't know better.

3. Guy calling up calling the radio host a racist saying that if Vick was a white athlete then they wouldn't be on him.

4. Guy calling up suggesting that we let rapers off the hook but we come down hard on Vick for dogfighting.

5. Guy calling up saying that the way we get veal or slaughter pigs or hunt is just as bad as fighting dogs.

6. Hunter calling up saying that the last caller was a moron and that he hunts to control the animal population and mentions the fact that their are deer run over all over highways cause there are too many of them.

7. Guy calling up saying that the hunter is liar and that he hunts cause he likes it and not to control the animal population.

8. Guy calling up saying that Vick is a liar as well and that he should have kept lying to give us the appearance that he was telling the truth.

9. Guy calling up saying that his friends are scumbags for throwing Vick under the bus.

10. Guy calling up saying that Vick is a prime example of how pro athletes hang out with too many thug friends and how it brings the athlete down.

There are more callers that you already have heard from, but the point remains. Lets get some other topics to talk about, this one is completely played out.

By now you've probably read somewhere or seen the fact that former NBA player Eddie Griffin died after driving his SUV into an oncoming train. J.A. Adande writes a terrific column on why Eddie Griffin is now the posterboy of how entering the draft early can be incredibly costly and the wrong decision.

To me Eddie Griffin was one of my favorite players, as odd as that may sound to others. During the 00-01 season I absolutely fell in love with the Seton Hall team. They had three terrific freshman with Andre Barrett, Marcus Toney-El and Eddie himself. They had shot-blocking and uber athlete Samuel Dalembert. They got off to a terrific start and even sky rocketed to the #7 ranking in the country before collapsing in the Big East.

They were by far my favorite team that season and Eddie was the shining star. I knew there was a great chance he was going to leave the Hall after winning freshman of the year honors but I hoped that he would stay at the Hall and lead them to a Final Four, because well, their team was exciting to watch. But he came out and Dalembert followed and while I still rooted for Barrett and the leftovers at the Hall, their team just wasn't the same.

Then Eddie got drafted #7 and I thought the sky was the limit. He could score, he could board and he definitely could shot-block. And at times it looked like he had cleaned up his act and was going to capitalize on his abilities. But the problems kept creeping up and the potential was never reached.

Every time he sprung up in free agency I hoped the Celtics would snatch him simply because of his potential, but they never did and now they never will, and that is pretty sad to me.

Now that move is just frigging unnecessary and awesome. It should be done at all times. Well unless you're fat and out of practice and try it again a decade later.



Courtesy of Who Ate All the Pies

Hey say what you want about how much of a scumbag you think Mike Vick is, or that he wasn't that good of a quarterback anyone, but he was damn exciting and I don't know about you I will miss the occasional ridiculous highlight.

As Ookie



As Ron Mexico



As Annoying Madden God

Let me preface this by saying that I haven't set up my PS2 in my house since college and probably should have just ebayed it a while ago. But during my heyday in late high school and my college years I played a lot of Madden and NCAA Football. And while I have always been a short passes west coast offense type of player, nothing ticked me off more than the players that played with the Falcons.

The players that typically played with the Falcons did absolutely nothing but run with Vick. They didn't ever use runs, they instead would run pass plays, typically deep pass plays, scramble around with Vick and if nothing was open deep pick up a few rushing yards. It was incredibly annoying, and on those games where you were lucky enough to drill and injure Mike Vick these players were typically screwed. Without the scrambling they had pretty much no offense, it was all they did, run with the fastest QB in the game. Hell someone even made a compilation highlight video of how cheap he was.

Now who will these talentless hacks play as? Without Vick they've lost their bread and their butter. They have nothing, they will never play with Joey Harrington and will need to find substitutes. So who will be their next scrambling QB for these hacks?

5. Antwaan Randle El, the Adjustor: You've seen this before. A guy who just uses a scrambling quarterback doesn't pick the Falcons. He struggles for a a quarter or two with a normal pocket quarterback and decides to say what the hell, he played QB in college and I've seen him throw a touchdown pass before, so Randle El you're my QB. Typically this move doesn't work at all, so it's not gonna be a top choice.

4. Tony Romo, Underwood's Bitch: So what happens if you really really desire a scrambling white QB? There's no Steve Young anymore, Brunell is pretty much dead. You certainly aren't going to choose a Manning or the Golden Boy. Your options are pretty much limited to Alex Smith, Ben Three Day Old Cheeseburger, the Sex Cannon and Tony Homo. Out of those 4, it's probably between Smith and Homo, but because this person who uses the scrambling QB is most likely a douche he will choose the Cowboys.

3. Tarvaris Jackson, a Purer Mini-Vick: Jackson has limited hype thus far in his career and we have no idea if he can really be much of a passer. What we do know is that he is fast as friggin hell and that he can get out of the pocket and run around. He even wears #7 and in uniform he looks exactly like Vick except in purple instead of black. Jackson will be a good option in this years Madden, but something tells me his speed will be upgraded next year and then he will be a more viable option.

2. Donovan McNabb, The Superstar: McNabb is a stud and despite him blowing out his knee last season he probably will still have solid speed stats this season. Picking McNabb gives the hack the option to be a solely scrambling QB while giving the reasonable threat that they might actually pass the ball down the field.

1. Vince Young, the Coverboy: The most logical choice is Vince Young. He's fast, he's strong, and he can scramble all day long. His passing skills aren't currently the best in the world and most likely the playbook includes several QB draws and specific QB runs. In addition like Vick was for Madden 04, Vince is the coverboy this season meaning they jacked up his stats through the roof most likely.

So next time you face an unskilled Madden player the chances are you will be lining up against the Tennessee Titans.

What does Tim Wakefield most likely have in common with you? Well he is completely against the letters ND and what they stand for. In fact he has made sure that he has done every single thing he could this season to disassociate himself with those letters.

Tim has started 25 games this season for the Boston Red Sox. And after yesterdays start he sits with 15 wins, which is a surprising number for 41 year old. Winning 3/5 of your games started is a good number for any pitcher. Wakefield also has 10 losses so he loses 2/5 of his games. And that leaves zero No Decisions. I can't imagine that a pitcher has gone through a season in recent years and started 30+ games and had absolutely zero No Decisions.

So is it a coincidence or is Tim Wakefield that much of a Notre Dame hater that if he doesn't feel like he's going to win the game he makes sure he picks up the loss just so that he won't associate himself with Touchdown Jesus or South Bend?

I wonder if you can time how quickly between the fist landing on his chin to his unconsciousness. It has to be close to or under a single second.

Courtesy of the Fanhouse

Hahahaha. Mike Patrick apparently is not to aware for the youth of America's lingo. Might want to work on the knowledge base Mike.

Courtesy of Mr. Irrelevant

Last season Chris Duncan was called up by the St. Louis Cardinals and showed a ton of power and has continued that into this season as he currently sits with 20 homers. What has been Chris' biggest problem during his 2 seasons with the Cardinals? He is absolutely hideous against left handed pitching. He's pretty much not worth playing and for the most part he rides the pine when they face lefties. Last season his average vs. lefties was .170 and this season he has raised it up to a better than mendoza line, but still piss poor mark of .222.

Meanwhile, his elder brother Shelley has been called up by the Yanks and has become a fan favorite. What has Shelley so far shown this season in limited amount of at bats? He absolutely mauls left handed pitching. To the tune of 3 homers in 17 at bats.

Here are their splits:
Shelley vs. Lefties: .421 OBP, .882 SLG, .353 AVE, 5.667 AB/HR
Chris vs. Righties: .380 OBP, .561 SLG, .285 AVE, 13.3 AB/HR

So now let's get into a lab and start merging these two brothers together. They could create the prototypical all star slugger, mashing against both left handed and right handed pitchers. They would definitely mash around 35 homers and neither can field a lick or run, furthering the power hitter prototype.

Two weeks down in the Premiership season and yet again a team from Manchester sits atop the rankings. That team however is not the mighty Reds it is in fact the powder blue wearing boys from the Eastern half of Manchester. And to do so the boys from City defeated the boys from United 1-0 this weekend.

The funniest part is that Manchester City's manager is Sven-Goran Eriksson, the former English National manager who was pretty much crucified by the entire nation for being a horrible manager. Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson was amongst one of the more boisterous adversaries of Eriksson and well the Swede stuck it to the Scot this weekend.

So Manchester United possibly the most prestigious professional sports club in the entire world, even more so than the Yankees perhaps, sits a point above relegation after 3 games while their neighbors are basking as the only 100% 3 games 3 wins. To put this in perspective, last season they won the premiership and finished the entire season with 5 draws and 5 losses, after three games they've accumalted 40% of their draws and 20% of their losses. And they have 35 games to go, so in essence they would need to win 80% of their remaining games to accumulate the same amount of points as last season.

Meanwhile Chelsea had to enjoy this result as they came back from a deficit against Liverpool to draw, and sit 5 points ahead of the team they probably thought would be their biggest competition for the Premiership title.

The Pain: The Dual No Decision

You wake up in the morning and check to see what pitchers are starting today and see where you may have an opportunity to pick up some wins and you look at the paper and see Scheduled Starter A vs. Scheduled Starter B, both of whom are on your team. Immediately the thought in your head is ok, well that kind of sucks but I have both starters so I should get a win out of it at least. Until the dreaded dual no decision, god damn.

This week I was boned twice, both of which came in games that CC Sabathia pitched well this week. Tuesday CC Sabathia squared off against Jeremy Bonderman, who has sucked dong for the past month of the season. So one would think that if Bonderman got rocked again well than at least I would get a win out of it but no he pitched well. Bonderman and Sabathia both gave up 2 runs through 7 and the game went into extra innings. No wins for me.

Then yesterday Sabathia squared off against James Shields, who hasn't been so hot lately either. And well yet again both pitchers gave up 2 damn runs, with Sabathia giving up a tying moon shot to Carlos Pena. So once again no god damn wins. Why can't one of my pitchers just get friggin rocked. I need wins, if you suck for months must you pitch well the one damn time you face my best pitcher. You ass-clowns. Sofa Urination for all of you.

This was probably the best catch of the entire baseball season. If it's over the fence they lose if he catches it they win, nothing more pressure packed then that. Plus, he got one of the first sideline interviews from ESPN's new sideline eye candy. Good for you little Mike.

Big Z now will have no problem buying anything. The Cubs signed Carlos Zambrano to a 91.5 million dollar contract. So much for an entertaining hugely talented pitcher on the free agent market that would have been solid offseason news. You can debate whether he was worth the money or not, but the market is so bloated right now that it would be difficult to say that the Cubs made a mistake here. This does has ramifications elsewhere as the Twins have to be shitting themselves. Note to Johan you can get over 20 per season if you want.

Oh and I really think this photoshopping stuff is a lot of fun.

I’ve been given the go ahead to throw up a post on Fridays, which works out because Friday is my favorite day, except for maybe Arbor Day.

I was going to tell a little story about a drunken former boxer and his nightly 12 rounders with Natty Ice 40s, but I don’t really have the time today, and in the spirit of Simon’s rants, I’ll stick with something like that.

Recently I’ve been running quite a bit. It started as a means to lose some weight and get in shape, with the end goal being to get laid once in a while. I’ve actually taken a liking to running though, and am training to run a half marathon in September. I’ve even gone as far as reading discussion forums on running websites, which is where I got the idea for this post.

In one of the forums, a poster made a complaint about some clown not only calling him a “fag” and a “queer” as they passed each other, but the guy deliberately turning around to go back and continue with the insults. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen some pretty gaily dressed runners in my day, with the shorts with 2” inseams and whatnot, but a lot of serious runners prefer that style. You wouldn’t catch me dead in a pair of those babies, I just don’t have enough time to shave my legs, but that’s not the point.

The point is, I dare somebody to pull that shit with me. Keep calling 150 lb runners fags buddy, but one day you’re going to slip up and make the wrong comment to the wrong guy and I’ll be ready. In fact, I got a feeling your whole family is going down.

I should mention that the guy shouting insults was riding a scooter (Who’s the fag?), probably because he’s on probation for molesting children and isn’t allowed to drive his candy filled van anymore.

Every year you listen to someone on ESPN or elsewhere in the main stream media hyping up how difficult Notre Dame's schedule is this season. This season in particular I have heard people saying that it's so difficult they could lose their first 8 games. A) Stop making excuses already for how bad their record is going to be. B) They're schedule just isn't that out of the norm that you need to point it out every single time the words "difficult schedule" are uttered. For instance let's take a look at a team that won't get talked about at all, will probably be better this season and has just as hard of a schedule, if not worse. That team is the Oregon Ducks.

First lets just throw the games they have in common out. They both play USC at home, at Michigan, at UCLA and at Stanford. The USC and Michigan games will most likely be losses for both teams, the UCLA game will be a tossup for both and the Stanford game should be easy despite Jim Harbaugh hiring coaches he's never met.


Now let's get into the other comparisons we'll start with the easy games first and lead to the difficult ones.

Fresno St. vs. Duke - Fresno was terrible last year but for years prior they had good teams while Duke, well, they never have a good team. Advantage: Oregon

Washington vs. Navy - Navy seems to be getting better and winning some games each year, but in reality they couldn't compete with Washington every year despite Washington being coached by Ty. Advantage: Oregon

Wazzu vs. Air Force Air Force and Wazzu had down years last year, but again the whole service academy thing hurts Air Force and Wazzu did fight their way to 6-6 last year. Advantage: Oregon

Arizona vs. Michigan St. Michigan St. was horrible last year and they had a long time start. This season who knows the depths they will reach. Meanwhile Arizona played a lot of good games last season and Mike Stoops has the program on the Up and Up. Advantage: Oregon

Arizona St. vs. Purdon't Both teams sucked up on the weak last year, to the tune of 7 and 8 wins respectively. But Purdon't really did with five of their wins coming against 3 weak MAC schools and Indiana and Illinois. Both lost to Hawaii in shootouts. We'll give this one the push. Advantage: Push

Houston vs. Georgia Tech Houston went 10-3 last season and is bringing back senior qb Kevin Kolb so they should continue their solid play for a small conference team. Ga Tech meanwhile lost the best WR in the sport and their 4 year starting QB. I'll still give the edge to GaTech simply because of their defense and athleticism but this gap isn't very wide. Without Kolb Tech should have a considerable skill advantage over Houston. Advantage: Notre Dame

Oregon St. vs. BC Oregon St. had a terrific year last season going 10-4 and knocking off Missouri in their bowl game. Meanwhile BC also had a fantastic year, narrowly missing the ACC crown and going 10-3 including a not so impressive 1 point bowl win over Navy. Both games are serious rivalry games but I'll give the slightest of edge to ND on this one. Advantage: Notre Dame

Cal vs. Penn St. These are definately Notre Dame and Oregon's next biggest challenges after USC and Michigan. Personally I think Cal is the better team and Oregon will probably get dropped by them and Deshawn Jackson but I'll be lenient towards ND because they face Penn St. on the road here while Oregon faces Cal at home, so... Advantage: Push

So there you have it, while Notre Dame's schedule will be reported as a death march, no one will give word to the fact that Oregon, a team who's talent level is probably on par with Notre Dame this season, is playing a harder schedule. Their 4 "cupcakes" are much more difficult than Notre Dames Military Academy/Duke finish while Notre Dame's top other games are not much more difficult than Oregon's.

So next time a Notre Dame fan comes and tells you they have the most difficult schedule in college football you can point to the Oregon schedule and tell them to shove it and stop making excuses for all the losses they will have this season.

After a little lull in the world of idiocy last week, people came back strong. Strong enough to the point where they even ruined whats left of their careers or filed lawsuits with no chance of winning. Here are this weeks contestants.

1. Kia Vaughn - Come on now you already got Imus fired how much more of his life are you going to attempt to ruin? The comments weren't that miserable and guess what, no one knows who the hell you are and no one is now thinking to themselves, "wow Kia Vaughn is one Nappy Headed ho." How about you just let it die like it should have months ago. 2. Jose Offerman - Jose, I think the worst part about this whole thing is that you in fact got hit in the calf. The friggin calf. It's not like he threw at your head and tried to knock you out, he hit you in the calf. That doesn't even hurt that much. I hope you enjoyed ending your baseball career. 3. Jonathon Lee Riches - I don't know if this guy is a waste of oxygen or is just so damn stupid that he is a benefit to society. In reality the only thing his 63 Billion Dollar law suit against Michael Vick will ever do is make us all laugh and for that I am highly thankful that there are idiots out there to the extent of good ole Johnny boy in SC. 4. Ray Zerba - Dude you got ratted on smoking weed under the bleachers by a kid and in essence any hope you had of ever being a big league gm or executive is long gone. One would think that if you were in the front office of a ball club that you would try to keep your weed smoking say, outside of park grounds. But I guess Zerba just needed to toke up during his teams game. Good move moron.

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Last Weeks Winner: Ricky Williams

Who knew Mr. Met could get down like that. He's got moves the Phillie Phanatic could only dream of.

Courtesy of the Fanhouse

"Sometimes the Greatest leaders Ever Are the Greatest Prayers" Ray Lewis during his weird and awkward interview with Dan Patrick where he talked about god for the first 5 minutes, then about being a warrior and battling and then about how QBs are pussies and need to be treated like men. It was all over the place.

~I have two articles from this week posted at EC check them out if you like, one is on the NBA's newest lamest slogan and the other is on the new gay fedex cup.

~Hooray Revis is actually signed and at camp. Now the Jets can hopefully work him into the defense so he can contribute this season. That took way way too long to get done.

~How many days do you think you'll ever be able to say Shelley Duncan > Mariano Rivera? Well he was at least for a day yesterday when he jacked a 3 run homer and Mo, well he sucked.

~BGBbB should be Erik Bedard's Cy Young Slogan. Bedard's Getting Boned by Bullpen.

~The Oreo's own the Yanks this season, it seems like every year the Yanks struggle with one of the three others in the AL East, this year it's obviously the Oreos.

~Sheffield coming back to New York is fun. He reiterated his statements about Torre treating black people unfairly. Maybe he'll get drilled, I doubt it, he'll most likely have a huge series.

~Someone in the NL sign Boomer Wells, I want to see him run to 1st base again, it's funny.

~NL Central 06-07 = NBA Atlantic 06-07, they both suck and someone is going to make the playoffs by default when they don't deserve to.

~My Mexican wonder Yovani's first 53 innings, 15 runs. His last 8.1 innings, 18 runs. Ouch.

~Man U certainly is getting off on the wrong foot. Ha, that was a good play on words. Not only have they only garnered a draw in both games but Wayne Rooney fractured his foot and Cristiano Ronaldo drew a red card in their second game. Solid start. Meanwhile Chelsea have won both of their first games and have already opened up a 4 point lead. [That's me Smiling]

~Not sure how many of you care to watch premiership highlights but you can watch them here.

~Dan Patrick is on his farewell tour tomorrow, it should be a good listen.

~If you ever go to grad school and their is something called an intensive class, think long and hard about whether you want to take them. They suck balls. I will be in class from 9-4 on saturday wanting to put a bullet in my head.

Mike I think you should stick to kicking them over the goalposts, or working on the ole leg strength so on kickoffs you actually reach the endzone. But at least you didn't suck last year like you did the previous season.

One would think that when a 64 year old man becomes a grandfather that it's about time. That figures that the man had his child somewhere in his late 20s or early to mid 30s. Well Joe Willy waited a bit longer and had his daughter at the age of 48. So if you do the math their his daughter is 16. So, she was pregnant before she could drive.

Oh and if you thought that was bad enough, wait until you hear the rap sheet on the father of the baby. He's a 19 year old who has been arrested 3 times in the past year for possession of crystal methamphetamine, grand theft and burglary. Sounds like the classy guy you would want to be sleeping with and impregnating your 15 year old daughter.

The 2 month old will be staying with, surprise, Namath's ex-wife so that his daughter Olivia can continue to go to high school. Olivia is just lucky that she is the daughter of Namath, how many times do you see girls having children as a teen and essentially being forced to stop their education? But still Joe, you probably should have kept a slightly better eye out on your daughter.

Courtesy of the Daily News

I definitely like the mid portion where he was kicking the kids in the head, to me that provides much more humor.

While Rome is away the boys of Entourage will play. Apparently Jim Rome, after having the boys of Entourage appear on his show in July decided to hand the reigns of the Jungle to Jerry Ferrara and Kevin Connolly. And speaking of Entourage I missed Sunday's episode so I'm gonna watch that now.

I think she was going for the toe hook swing continuation which is always a dangerous move.

So who's surprised that he was never good at math. I wonder how long it takes for him to get a NASCAR sponsorship similar to the old NFL pants that Payne Stewart used to wear.

Courtesy of Brahsome

Yesterday in the news for one Michael "Ookie" "Ron Mexico" Vick was that his lawyers were beginning plea bargain discussions which could land him a year or two in jail but will effectively bail him out from the impending doom of a longer sentence. Who knows whether or not the plea bargain will be accepted and Vick will avoid trial, but perhaps that's not his biggest worry. Vick may be forced to open up his purse and pay an inmate 63,000,000,000 Dollars. That's a lot of zeros.

The man with this moronic claim is Jonathon Lee Riches, who claims that Vick stole two of his pit bulls and sold them on ebay and used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iranian government after he pledged his allegiance to Al Queda. Because of course Al Queda loves African American Football players. And of course the sale of two dogs can afford you the purchase of missiles from Iran. And the stealing of said two dogs is worth 63,000,000,000.

I think this man needs to be interviewed so we can fully grasp just how stupid he is. In addition the lawyer that brought these charges has to be a joke, so he should also be interviewed. One of the Gumbel's needs to get on this. This is why I love America, there is always some ass clown you can laugh at.

Courtesy of CGB
And Please Read His Fun Paper Doc Lawsuit

I guess some players just want to impress their coaching staff by decapitating the other teams Australian punter. Ya, down with the Southern Hemisphere.

Courtesy of the Fanhouse

Remember the illustrious Jose Offerman? If you're a Sox fan you certainly do. In 1999 Offerman made his debut with the Sox and while he was miserable in the field he hit .294 and was a valuable bat in their lineup. He proceeded to tank the next 2 1/2 years and was shipped to Seattle.

Well Jose is still toiling around baseball trying to make it. Last year he toiled in Triple A and this season he's a teammate of Crazy Carl the Dinosaur Hater with the Long Island Ducks. Apparently Jose needed Crazy Carl to hold him back like he did with the Red Sox, cause well Jose lost his cool a little bit last night.

In the first inning of the game against the Bridgeport Bluefish Offerman went yard. So naturally the next inning when he was drilled in the calf he charged the mound with bat in hand and swung at the pitcher. He clipped pitcher Matt Beech's fingers and hit catcher John Nathans in the head with the backswing. Jose was then arrested and taken into custody.


Come on Jose, Bridgeport is such a lovely city how could anyone ever get mad when you are in such a paradise and when you have such a beautiful view of the local power plant just past the right field bleachers. The beautiful smog of Bridgeport should promote peace and harmony and all things wonderful not violence and anger towards the opposing pitcher Jose. Think happy thoughts. Plus you only got hit on the damn calf, how much of a little bitch are you, that couldn't have seriously hurt much. Stop being a little girl Jose, do you think a Major League team is going to pick you up now? You made Crazy Carl look tame.

The Scooter has died at age 89 and this is him as a yongster on the left. There is a remarkable similarity between him and one of my loudmouthed fraternity brothers. 5 foot 6, a large mouth, way too damn Italian, the massive nose. The only difference is that through college Conidi got fat. Other than that the similarities are scary. So John if you want to know what you will look like in your eighties, its this.

I don't feel like going on and on about Rizzuto who was a cool part of history for the Yankees, so if you want to read more about him just go here.

While I was in the cape this weekend I Tivo'd a baseball game which had relevance to well, myself and a few kids that may or may not have been born when I was there. See in 1995 I was on the Shelton National Little League All Star team and we went through the state unbeaten. We then went to Bristol to play in the East Regional. Unfortunately we stumbled in the opener against New York and were eventually put down in the Losers Bracket semifinals against Delaware.

Unfortunately for us, we existed before the time of the New England and Mid-Atlantic split and while we were the best team in New England that year the start of the Toms River New Jersey crew was happening and had we faced them we would have been pounded. In addition I also existed during a time when kids weren't mandated to play an inning in the field and get an at bat per game, so well I was pretty much a pinch runner and a bench warmer. But still I reminisce as it being one of the coolest summers of my childhood.

Well 12 years later a new batch of Shelton National kids won the state title. Some of whom were still in their mothers womb 12 years ago when we were getting a tour of ESPN and fighting through the losers bracket. Shelton went through ans made the finals of the New England Regional and while I was in the Cape they faced off against Walpole, Mass for the opportunity to head to the Little League World Series. Unfortunately for them Walpole put on a home run Derby and disposed of them 14-4.

However, they will always have the memory of getting here. They probably had the best few weeks of their short lives and no one will be able to take that away from them. So when you watch these kids playing in the world series or these regional finals, please don't think about how much pressure is on these kids. Just realize that this is a one in a lifetime opportunity and that ever kid on that team, despite the loss, will always have fond memories of the summer of 2007 and being on ESPN.

Steve Phillips is on every single broadcasting entity of ESPN proclaiming that the Yankees are not going to make the playoffs and that in fact the Seattle Mariners are going to win the wildcard. His reasoning is that the Yankees are winning with hitting and that their team ERA during this 24-8 streak is still ranked only 7th in the AL and that their hitting is going to get cold again.

Lets do a quick comparison of the ERA of the Yankees starters vs. the ERA of the Mariners starters.

Chien Ming Wang 4.09 vs. Felix Hernandez 3.86: Wang has struggled mightily in the past few starts so I'll give the edge to Hernandez, but lets not give a massive edge.

Andy Pettitte 3.93 vs. Jarrod Washburn 4.30: Is anyone for a second going to take Washburn over Pettitte? No.

Roger Clemens 4.00 vs. Miguel Batista 4.13: Again its Roger Clemens vs. Miguel Batista, it's a no brainer.

Mike Mussina 4.50 vs. Jeff Weaver 5.64: Weaver has been much better of late after a horrendous start and Muss has been a bit better lately so I'll give this a push.

Philip Hughes 4.64 vs. Horacio Ramirez 7.12: One of the top prospects in all of baseball vs. a 7.12 ERA, big advantage Yankees.

So if the Yanks have a large advantage in the rotation in 3 of the 5 spots, another spot is a push, and the other spot is a marginal edge for the Mariners, that's not very impressive. So while the Mariners bullpen may be better how does that eclipse the massive advantage the Yankees have on the offensive end as well as the advantage they have in the rotation? Well of course Phillips never mentioned any of these things during any of his interviews. Instead he just made statements about how the Yanks won't sustain their pace due to their hitting being bound to fall off. Yet he doesn't mention how the Mariners don't have good starting pitching either, and that their offense is much worse. All he states about the Mariners is how good their bullpen is meanwhile not stating any specific reason as to why they are better than the Yanks.

Meanwhile in the NL he is proclaiming that everyone's pitching is bad and that offense is going to lead the way for teams in the last two months. Thus he says that the Atlanta Braves are going to out pace the Mets for the NL East and that the Colorado Rockies are going to win the wildcard. The Rockies? They do not have a single starter in their rotation who has an ERA under 4. So let me get this straight, you think that the Yankees with their superstud offense won't be able to get them to the playoffs yet the Rockies who have a good offensive is going to drag a bad rotation which includes Josh Fogg and an unknown Ubaldo Jimenez?

Steve attempt to show a little consistency or some decent reasoning other than saying the Yankees bats are going to stop scoring 8 runs a game because even when they do the Yankees still have better starting pitcher than the Mariners. Steve how about you stop being a Yankee Hater for a second and start thinking a little rationally for once?

Previous Steve Phillips Hate
More Proof Phillips Isn't Bright
One More Dumb Idea Provided by Phillips
Steve Phillips is a Dumb Ass

I go on a little weekend trip and come back and no one cares to tell me that the Human Beaver was put on waivers and was actually claimed. I had to learn this from Michael Kay? For shame friends of SOS, for shame.

Anyway onto this wonderful bit of news which is sure to disappoint me. The San Diego Padres for some reason unbeknownst to me have put in a waiver claim for Kei Igawa on Friday. They have until tomorrow afternoon to work out a deal to take Igawa and the his remaining salary and years of his contract. The Yanks are still on the hook for the fee they paid Japan to sign him initially, however they would be off the hook for paying someone who all signs point to never being a productive player in pin stripes.

Sure getting rid of a Igawa is a sign that you made a massive mistake in signing him initially but, well you did. So shouldn't the Yanks just cut their losses. Igawa has shown no command, and his velocity isn't high enough to keep the pitches he so often leaves up in the zone inside the ballpark. I'm sure the Padres are just praying that their massive ballpark can keep the flyballs he gives up in the park.

Cashman get on the ball here, every penny you save is a penny earned. Or a penny you can give to Carlos Zambrano.

For those not in the loop or myself who was in the Cape did you know that Bobby Jenks just tied the record for most consecutive batters retired in a row? He's retired his last 41 batters faced to tie a major league record. How is this not a big deal? The only reason I even came across this record is from reading a post by One More Dying Quail at Awful Announcing. ESPN, SI, Yahoo, Sportsline front sports pages have nothing. ESPN baseball front page nothing. Yahoo baseball front page nothing, all while having a headline photo of Ozzie Guillen. Sportsline and Yahoo both caption the game as being a Weaver gem and no mention of the record breaking appears until the opening of the article.

How is this not big time news? He's retired 41 consecutive batters and has tied an all time record which to me is pretty damn cool, yet I've not even seen this anywhere and the only big time site I check that had it even on their baseball front page was SI. No one has walked or gotten a hit on this dude in 41 straight plate appearances? Isn't that more entertaining than Gagne's save streak which got so much pub a few years back? As soon as he throws 4 balls it's over, as soon as somebody bloops a ball over the second basemans head it's over. Please someone give the big guy some love.

The Celtics front office recently inquired about acquiring two elder statesmen of the game in Dikembe Mutombo and Reggie Miller. While neither have currently accepted the offer it is very apparent that the only serviceable additions to the Celtics could be veterans close to or into retirement. With that being said the biggest need for the squad is a point guard, as Rajon Rondo is not going to be the answer this season.

So SimonOnSports is doing the dirty work for the Celtics and searched around the globe for two retired point guards who could fill in the much needed void at point guard during the 07-08 season. And the conclusion is right there in the Garden. The Celtics next point guard will be...either Danny Ainge or Doc Rivers. They're right there, they are retired and old, barely older than Mutombo but they fit the bill to a tee.

So who to choose, we can't take both. If Danny was playing games everyday than he wouldn't be out their trying to trade away the entire roster and every Celtic draft choice for the next decade for one player. But if Doc was playing then he wouldn't be drawing up the plays, then again after viewing his coaching skills could he truly be trusted to run the plays? This remains in doubt.

Let's take a look at the tale of the tape:

Height: Both are 6 foot 4 but Danny is white so advantage Doc.

Retirement: Doc Retired in 1996 while Danny retired in 1995, however Doc really sucked in his final year so advantage Danny.

Coachability: Danny might not get along with the current Celtics coach however, Doc wouldn't be able to understand plays ordered down by Doc so advantage Danny.

Point Guard Skills: Doc liked to pass, Danny liked to shoot so will give the edge to Doc.

Meld With the Pros: The next hip hop beat Danny hears will probably be the first so advantage Doc.

There you have it folks, on that wonderful criteria the next point guard of the Celtics should be Doc Rivers. Although I heard Cousy is still available.

~In a weekend of psuedo vacation I watched very limited amount of sports but here goes.

~Tiger was dominant and no one on Sunday expected anything but a victory. Really this was the easiest Tiger victory to predict in recent memory. He just came off killing everyone in a tournament, he was overly motivated by another dumb comment by Sabbatini and he got off to a hot start. Despite faltering on the second half of Thursdays round, he pretty much ran away with it.

~Remember when people were saying that Tiger might have issues with being a father and being a dominant golfer? Um, I think that was just people hoping it would be the case.

~Woody Austin isn't exciting.

~Stephen Ames is still going to be haunted from his dumb comments from last years Match Play tournament. Every single time he plays with Tiger he is either going to collapse or Tiger is going to play out of his head, either way it's a loss for Ames. When will these idiots learn not to talk trash to someone who is A) The best in the world and B) Actually takes serious motivation out of these comments. It's not like he shrugs this stuff off like some superstars might, he gets motivated and thinks kill, maim, destroy.

~Do not trust a man named Boo who occasionally wears camouflage hats. Sergio learned this when he stupidly signed off on a card that wasn't right. How do you not check that shit Sergio, are the monotone outfits getting to your brain? Damn.

~Sideyard hit a walkoff homer, yesterday. He's much more likable on the Orioles.

~Eric Gagne is already hated in Boston. Good Job.

~The Indians really aren't that good. If you don't face CC Sabathia you aren't facing a very good pitcher. And if you trust Fausto Carmona already, lets calm down on that boat.

~The Yankees are pretty good right now, now that people like Cano, Cabrera and Abreu are hitting and they aren't pitching the Giant Beaver or Matt De Salvo. 4 games back, isn't much.

~Thomas Jones hurt his leg. That's just friggin great.

First let me get off my chest my feelings about bumper stickers. They're for the most part lame. You bought the car because it looked good why the hell do you need to deface it with some stupid joke or something like, "if you can read this get off my ass." It's stupid. The only truly acceptable bumper stickers, if you can call them that, are the college ones and that's only if you went to a semi decent school. If say you went to the local community college and because of that you're working at the local 7-11 how about you just save yourself the embarrasment?

Ok now onto two things that piss me off. NASCAR and people driving slow. If you know me or have ever read any of my NASCAR posts, well then you know how stupid I think NASCAR is, and well most people that watch as well. Now if you've met me, you've either seen a few rage induced moments or you have seen how god damn impatient I can be and people driving slowly in my way just brings those not so good traits together. And the combination of NASCAR and people driving slowly just boils my last nerve.

If you've got two damn NASCAR banners on the back of your car and a Dale Sr. and Dale Jr. sticker how about you drive friggin fast? I don't care if you've got a 1970 VW Van, there is no way in hell you should be driving less than 10 miles an hour. You have 4 friggin stickers associated with driving 200 miles per hour on your piece of shit car, yet you are in front of me on a one lane semi highway going 1 mile below the speed limit. You effectively make me hate NASCAR and everything associated with NASCAR even more. And well, you suck.

Simon gives me my big first chance and what do I do? Piss it away, that's what. In my defense it's now 11:23 on Sunday and this is the first time I've had to sit down and write. As you may have guessed from the title, it's because I was stuck moving out of my apartment. In summary, I apologize to the masses of SimonOnSports regulars, and I'll have something clever for you next time.

I'm going to the cape this weekend, so this here post will be the last from me til monday. If Papa Bear is bored and feels like it, he can make his debut with a rant on something of his choice.

Oh the fun of douchery and bad decisions. Here are this weeks contestants:

1. Ricky Williams - You would think that a man who owes so much money to the Miami Dolphins and spent so much money on weed and has declared for bankruptcy would care about cashing his checks. Well apparently not that much as some of his dough is being held by the bureau of unclaimed property in Florida. 2. Nick Jojola - Stuff that's probably a bad idea; going into a robbery without any disguise and too drunk to remember what the hell you are even doing. Well this skateboarding youth 'legend' would have been better off investing in a Nixon mask. 3. Vick Profiteers - Whether it be those t-shirts, or PETA or the people trying to sell a doggie chew toy you are all scum. If you for a second try to come out and say that what Vick did is despicable than you obviously don't have that much of an issue with it considering you are attempting to reap the benefits. 4. Alexander Tikhonov - If you were a 4 time gold medalist and a 13 time World Champion in the Biathlon what would be on your agenda? Would conspiracy to murder a governor be at the top of your list? Well it was a top Tikhonov's list.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Get Your Vote On

July's Winner: Gary Sheffield
Last Weeks Winner: Bud Selig, by executive decision of a split vote.

Anything I find regarding punchout will pretty much get posted here.

Rick Ankiel is friggin awesome.

"You weren't there Jeff Kent Took your at bats Jeff Kent took your Steroids, Jeff Kent's head got bigger". Ha, this video is classic.

Courtesy of Our Book of Scrap

Is leading the PGA Championship by 2 strokes. Woohoo. Hey Sergio, I have two majors how many do you have?

If your name includes an ethnic slur can you officially call him that? Like would I need to call him Dong Gook? Could I just call him Dong or just call him Go...

Wikipedia Entry for Gook
(U.S. military slang) an Asian person, especially an enemy (e.g. Koreans or Vietnamese during the Korean and Vietnam wars). By extension, any Asian person. Derived from the Korean words “hanguk” and “miguk”. Guk is from the Chinese, Guo, Kingdom or Country. “Hanguk” refers to Korea[35] and “miguk” is the common word for the United States.[36] American troops thought "miguk" sounded like "me gook" (i.e. "I am a gook"). The word persisted during the Vietnam War, perhaps also because the Vietnamese people have a similar word “quốc”, meaning "country".

I learned of this name because, well I'm a loser and I signed up for Premiership Fantasy at Soccernet on ESPN and he's a player for Middlesborough. Can we please get more ethnic slurs included as peoples last names. For instance Wally Wigga, Guillermo Ginzo, Pablo Gringo, those would work.

The Texas Longhorn faithful have high hopes this season returning Colt McCoy to quarterback and an easy out of conference schedule. Let me just give them a bit of advice so that they might do slightly better this season than last, how about blocking for your sophomore qb so he doesn't get demolished every other play like he did vs. A&M and Nebraska last season.



Helmet to chin is friendly. I'm sure he'll want to avoid this one this season.



Skip the first minute and a half of this one, when an Aggie give him a late helmet to ear hole hit. Nice. But he did throw the INT so he probably deserved it.



Colt do any of those still hurt now?

Remember when you were a little kid and you would walk around some store like Marshalls and walked by their shoe isle and see those sweet ass velcro cartoon shoes. You always wanted them, whether they were spiderman, or x-men or transformers there was always some kind of appeal to those cartoon characters and colorful shoes. But honestly as soon as you hit 9 or 10 you were into the pumps and were long past the velcro cartoon shoes.

Well if perchance you have never grown up and are very annoyed that you can not get velcro Transformers shoes in your size, be grateful because Nike is now blessing you with the Transformers pack. Which are Nike shoes in the colors of your favorite transformers? Um Ok. They will help you bring the power of the Decepticons to the BBall court, I'm sure.

The shoe on the far right is Optimus Prime is terrible but I guess the association with Optimus Prime could be made, same with StarScream in the middle. But the one on the left is Megatron? When did Megatron become a large purple pussy piece of Asian fabric. There's no way a man could possibly wear that shoe ever, I doubt any self respecting gay man would even wear that much purple in his athletic shoe. Wow thats hideous.

The real question is where the hell are the is the Devastator shoe? I think that if you're going to make a Transformers shoe line that you have to include Devastator. First off the shoe would be green and not massively purple. Secondly Devastator was so big that Shaq could even wear it. And finally what makes more sense than having a shoe made 6 different pieces that you have to construct before each wearing.

Ok maybe the real question is who the hell thought this was a good idea? Or who the hell is going to buy these hideous looking monstrosities.

HT (100% Injury Rate)

So I'm sitting on my ass last night watching sportscenter on the phone with my girlfriend, and along pops on the screen that Jason Hirsh somehow pitched five 6 innings after fracturing his leg in the first inning. I'm sitting their think to myself damn that's a tough guy move. And I decide to ask my Gf who's an athletic trainer what she thought and make sure the fibula wasn't the massive bone in the front of your leg. And here's pretty much her response:

"Oh that's not that surprising. The fibula isn't even considered a weight bearing bone. Only about 7-10 ten percent of your body weight is ever on that bone. So it's not that surprising."

Then I asked what if you're standing on one leg.

"Well then that's about 20%, but still not that big of a deal"

Now this is coming from my lovely girlfriend, who just happened to have broken just about every bone in her body two to three times as a child, so if she thinks its not a that big of a deal than Mr. Hirsh I don't think you're that big of a tough guy either. Next time you want to try and be a tough guy try breaking your tibia. Now that's a weight bearer.

You may have seen Beckham at the Blue Jays game schmoozing it up with Jeter and Arod. But his panties were left at the soccer stadium.

Oh and he can't take a tackle either.


HT (Who Ate All the Pies)

The Last major of the year and while the PGA Championship holds far and away the least amount of luster of the 4 majors it still has the field and a lot of intrigue. The Championship returns to the course where Retief took about 5 5 footers to win the tournament, and that was fun. Plus an added bonus is it will be fun to watch some of the fatter players drudge through 18 holes when the temperatures will be over 100. Who wants to see Phil in a wet t-shirt?

4 People to Watch to Contend

The Good Guy - K.J. Choi - KJ said that if he wins the Fedex Cup he will donate all of the money to charity. While that is probably entirely doubtful, I mean that's like saying if I win blogger of the year and win a cash prize that I'll donate it to charity. Well that isn't going to happen so what does the guarantee really mean. Well anyway hopefully he does well.

The Quiet Brit - Justin Rose - Quietly Justin Rose has become one of the best golfers in the world. Every tournament he seems to be finishing in the top ten.

Secondary - Stewart Cink - This tall goof ball missed a short putt the last time it was here which would have put him into a playoff with Retief. Instead it was a solid choke job. Maybe he can come back and right what he did wrong the last time.

Darkhorse - Andres Romero - hey there's no way I couldn't plug the guy for this tourny. He was amazing to watch at the Open and he played well last weekend. Who knows maybe he's just locked in this summer and can get lucky. Here's hoping he's there sunday for some entertainment.

3 People Who Might Surprisingly Miss the Cut

The Shocking - Phil Mickeltits - Mickeltits has been banged up and struggling the latter half of this season and well, he's fat and 100 degrees + fat dudes equals a lot of frustration and sweat. I expect lefty to be somewhere right near the cut line.

The Loudmouth - Rory Sabbatini - Sabbatini may be having a career season but he'll be heckled to no end this weekend and he's already shown a quick fuse. I would not be surprised if he blew up both mentally and score wise.

The Gimmee - Todd Hamilton - He misses every cut, I just want to get something right for a change.

2 People to Root For this Weekend

The People's Hated - Sergio Garcia - Most people don't like Sergio and enjoyed the choke job at the Open championship. This week he's returning to a course where he went into the final round 1 stroke back and shot a 77. Sergio acts just like normal pissed off golfers do. Why the haterade? It's funny. Go Sergio get it done.

The Locale Boy - JJ Henry - This is standard, and if he's in a major he sits in the root for section.

1 Winner

Tiger Woods - Yes this is a lame choice, and yes it didn't work during the Open Championship when my contender choices were Sergio and Paddy and I could have gotten it right if I took Paddy. But is anyone really stupid enough to gamble that A) Tiger will go majorless this year and that B) A Pissed off Tiger woulds who just pummeled his competition last week isn't going to play well this weekend. I certainly hope that the tournament is competitive but I would not be surprised if Tiger tee'd up tomorrow dominated the course put some distance between himself and the field and just ran away and hid on sunday afternoon.

They contact Reggie Miller about coming out of retirement. First off Reggie Miller was one of my favorite players when he played, partly because he was a complete dick at times, partly because he tortured Knick fans but mostly because he was so damn clutch. He would hit the most ridiculous shots to win games for the Pacers, the only problem was he was their best player every year. And he never had someone his equal on his team so they never came close to surpassing the Bulls or winning a title.

But that was a decade ago. Earlier today I mentioned they wanted to get Mutombo and while that was moronic atleast it would fill a position of need. The Celtics have no center of value. Ok so what do the Celtics have now, hmm two SG guards in the tail ends of their prime not to mention the fact that they signed Eddie House and the only thing he does well is shoot.

So what the hell kind of role would Reggie possibly fill on this team? The article said 15 minutes off the bench. What does that get him like 4 or 5 shots maybe? When Reggie was at his prime he just ran around and used screens all the time, would the Celtics actually run plays for a 42 year old who's been out of the game for two full seasons? I just don't get you Danny.

Isn't that just so special. Two fat baseball players in an add for cheeseburgers. Damn Prince was a fat baby.

Courtesy of Deadspin

Bonds Notes

~How awesome was the pileup for the home run. It looked like a brawl. I guess it should considering that's probably a minimum of a couple 100K flying into a crowded street. People are going to go all out for that. I feel as if the kid that caught it doesn't deserve it though. I hate people that show up to a game and wear jerseys that have nothing to do with the teams on the field. Why wear a Mets jersey if the Mets are on the complete opposite side of the US and have already been hammered by the Braves earlier in the night. Just show up in a t-shirt or a polo you loser. A Rant from me at Epic Carnival is up now.

~If Mike Bacsik ends up shitting the bed in his pro career he will always have this moment to be remembered for. So what if its a negative moment, its not like he's the only pitcher to give up a damn home run to Barry Bonds. Maybe if Barry holds the record for a long time he'll invite Mike on the gravy autograph train.

~Bonds is the homerun king, like it or not you can't make any claims he isn't. He holds the only two important home run records. Deal with it.

~And if you're annoyed with that and really don't like Barry, just enjoy the fact that the Giants suck this season, and he's never won or will win a World Series.

Yanks Notes

~The Blue Jays don't like Arod much at all. Josh Towers threw at his knee and started talking trash despite he's probably 180 soaking wet. Meanwhile Matt Stairs really wanted to prove the pride of Canada and sprinted towards Arod both times the "brawl" broke out. And by brawl I mean benches clearing nothingness. It was quite humorous to watch though. Shelley Duncan sprinted out to get in the way of Matt Stairs, and his a big big boy. Farny was seemingly the last person off the bench, despite also being a big big boy. And Andy Pettite was just having a casual conversation with Gregg Zaun. And Michael Kay confused John Gibbons as the one who was sprinting towards Arod, when it was Matt Stairs. All because they were wearing the same jacket.

~Apparently Josh Towers and the Jays forgot that Roger Clemens was pitching and that he's the only Yankee that will drill someone and will take joy out of their pain. He drilled Alex Rios between the shoulder blades this morning. The funniest thing I hear in the morning was a recap of a conversation between Chris Carlin and Sweeny Murti, two guys that work for WFAN, Carlin was apparently on the road and called up Murti and asked him why Clemens hadn't drilled someone yet, Murti responded with pitch count is too low. Pitch Count got to 90 in the seventh inning with the best Blue Jay up, and drilled. Ha. I think that is far and away my favorite part about Clemens.

~Not like this will be on Youtube but god I wish it was. Shelley Duncan was on first base and Melky Cabrera bunted the ball in front of the catcher. Zaun threw to second and Shelley basically pulled a Lui Kang flying kick and planted his spikes on SS John McDonalds glove knocking the ball and McDonald's glove into orbit. It was hilarious.

~The Yanks are 5 games back of the Sox and a 1/2 game out of the wild card but starting friday their cupcake schedule is over. Time to beat the big boys of the AL.

Lost in the Shuffle

~Justin Upton is 19 and if the rest of his team didn't suck balls last night he might have had a better shot of hitting for a cycle. He hit a 2B, 3B, and a HR but made out in his 4th and final at bat in the 9th inning. Hey Zona how about getting the kid a 5th at bat, would it be that hard? Honestly, if this kid is as touted and as good as he has shown so far, and he's only 19, than that home run ball hit last night was easily the second most valuable ball. And if I was that guy I think I would hold onto it for a long time.

~Want to promote baseball to African Americans how about starting the hype machine on the Upton boys right now. Justin is the #1 prospect in baseball and BJ is hittin .320 with double digit steals and homers. And unlike Dukes and Sheffield they are not douche bags. MLB this is your opportunity, get the hype machine chugging.

~The Mets can't beat the Braves. This season they have 3 wins against the Braves in 10 games. All three wins were credited to Oliver Perez, and well he was hammered last night for the loss which means they just might get swept. The Mets are lucky that they don't play the Braves more times during the season.

Video of the Scrum in Left Center

Courtesy of FanIQ

Apparently the Celtics had offered Dikembe Mutombo a veterans minimum contract earlier this week, but with their signing of Scott Pollard yesterday it may have signaled that Mutombo wanted to stay in Houston. Um ok, how about they both are about 8 years past their prime and neither would be much help to the team.

Note to Danny Scott Pollard averaged 1 point per game last season for the Cavs, who didn't exactly have the best big men on the bench. Oh and Dikembe is only 7 years younger than you and you retired 12 years ago. Do the math.

Last year Danny Ainge seemed to be only concerned with racking up people with track like speed, see Rondo and Telfair. This year he seems to be totally engorged with signing players that have had a name in the NBA at one point regardless of where they currently are in their careers. Super.

If Scott Pollard gets more than 10 minutes per game the Celtics are doomed.

Basically it was inevitable that someone was going to inhale my excellence and ask me to do posts for another site. And that day has begun today. I was asked to be a contributor to Epic Carnival which is pretty much a group of a lot of bloggers that post about whatever they feel like. Anyway I was asked to do a minimum of 2 posts a week, and I figured that wasn't much and perhaps it will drive more people to good ole here.

Pretty much I wanted to spread my hate to the masses. I busted my first post out today which I figured could be on the subject of one of my favorites to hate on, Brian Scalabrine.

Anyway, I'll post a link on my sideboard to where my posts will be located at Epic Carnival. And most likely unless I'm very lazy I'll include a link into a Quick Notes page every time I post something up there.

Thoughts? Hart? Perras? Frank the Tank? PapaBear?

How many times have you gone out to your local country club of choice, ask for a caddy and they send you out some pimply 16 year old who's better at golf then you? Doesn't it just ruffle your feathers? Well no longer will you have to worry about that king acne and his advice as you can hire a busty blond to carry your bag all day and she'll even drink with you for an hour after the round. All for the low low price of 220 £s.

Now if you were to open up a business of this name you would have to think long and hard. You would want something that described the beauty of the caddies but didn't take away from their knowledge of golf. Ha. Oh I got it how about Eye Candy Caddies, that says you have a hot woman carrying your bag. But don't worry because each woman, or man if you're feeling randy, has completed the Eye Candy Caddie training course which includes a whole section on Golf Etiquette.

So if you're in Great Britain and want a hot young woman carrying your wood and feel like dropping an additional 220 pounds visit the Eye Candy Caddie Profiles and pick out which hot bod you prefer. Personally I think I'll go with the Americans idea of just bringing strippers out onto the course.

Jason Giambi is slowly approaching being ready for the big leagues and well, this is terrible. Giambi getting called up clogs the roster, clogs the basepaths, it messes up everything. One reason why the Yankees have been so good the month of July is the play of Melky Cabrera. He is the only player the Yankees have that is good at defense in the outfield and he's hitting better than ever this month. The recalling of Jason Giambi means that his at bats will be taken away so Johnny Damon can get into the lineup every once in awhile. Melky should be in the lineup every day. I repeat, Melky should be playing center field every day.

Please Joe, keep Steroid Boy in the minors or at least on the bench. Don't ruin the current Yankee chemistry you have working. It's only been a year since you forced Sheffield and Matsui into the lineup during the ALDS and watched them both stink up the joint. Learn from your past mistakes please.

Perhaps you should have gone with a double knot.

Apparently if you don't gather enough velocity when you try to take out 100 pins you just might snap your neck. Crazy Asians.

Courtesy of We Are the Postmen

Every year you hear someone talk about the Mendoza line. Typically it's brought up when a miserable picher is up or when a backup catcher is up. Rarely is it ever mentioned for a player who has made multiple all star games and is close to the 300 hundred home run mark. Well this year we are in luck, as of August 6th Richie Sexson's batting average sits at .196. Could he represent ineptitude this season? It's certainly something I will have my eye on the final two months of the season.

"I've assured Richie when he gets going again, he'll be back in there full time." Mariners manager John McLaren

John you mean you will let Richie Play if he starts hitting above the Mendoza line.

Every now and then a player gets a bad rap for stupid things he says or does. Or when certain criminal charges are brought against him, and then he gets a nickname like Crazy and gets designated for assignment. This all happened to Carl Everett last season and its a damn shame.

Crazy Carl is attempting to resurface on a big league club by pounding away in the Atlantic League for the Long Island Ducks. He currently has 18 homers and 71 rbi and is top 5 in both categories despite missing some time. So why isn't a team in need of a DH at the end of the season, such as the Angels, going out and getting Carl? It's not as if dinosaur enthusiasts are going to boycott your games because he doesn't believe they ever existed. If gay people remember his comments they might, but you know it's been awhile, I think they probably have recooped by now. One added bonus is that if you sign Carl the chances are good that you can get at least one blowup at an umpire and those are always funny.

So someone please go out and give Crazy Carl a try, Gary Sheffield and Elijah Dukes need one of their hometown boys to help out. They can't provide all of the crazy in MLB all of the time, they need some help.

So here's what the world is all about. If someone does something that people hate and think is despicable, some people will rally and protest and others will create t-shirts and try to profit off of the storyline. Hey, at least they're honest and say that a portion of the profits will go to an Animal Rescue center instead of lying and saying that all profits will go there. Ah America, smell the capitalism.

Well if you're a lefty specialist and that is all you are paid to do then you get cut. The Yankees finally dumped Mike Myers who for a lefty specialist was absolutely miserable. In fact lefties had a .312 average off him this season. Throw in the 9 walks and lefties had a .379 on base percentage off Mike Myers. So ya, he sucked and it's nice that he no longer will be wasting a spot in the Yankees bullpen. Bring on Joba the Hut!!!

~Barry Lamar Bonds hit 755 and the world was un-enthused. Personally I thought Bud Selig's reaction was lame, at least give 2 weak claps, you looked like a fool. But I guess you were too tired from your Herculean Effort to move your arms. It's as if Bud Selig is trying to be a douche to the proportion that people want to give Barry Bonds a break. I almost feel good for the guy.

~Arod went yard and decided that he didn't want to leave the batters box until the ball was in the stands. I'm glad he's there, he certainly is glad its over and now perhaps he can go back on the tear he was on beforehand.

~Tom Glavine won #300, yippy. People are beginning to state that he may be the last 300 game winner ever. Come on, let's not jump to stupid conclusions like that. There will be another 300 game winner, who knows when but there will be one. I'd even put money down on CC if there was a betting line in Vegas for that.

~Manny Ramirez apparently has friends that he wants to wave to in Seattle after home runs. I personally thought this was hilarious and I wish someone would just post up the video on youtube already. Oh and then he went in the dugout and acted like a bull charging a matador.

~And even more entertaining in that game, the Moose Mascot attempted to run over Coco Crisp with his ATV. That was funny. Hooray for found video, at the bottom.

~The Indians and Tigers are really putting effort forth to getting the Yankees into the playoffs.

~Mikey Pizza cleared waivers. I'm kind of surprised an AL team looking for some DH pop didn't claim him. Perhaps the Twinkies? Or Angels make sense?

~The White Sox claimed Miguel Tejada off waivers. Huh? Why? Not like you're going to compete next year, you really want to pay out his salary this season and have him on your squad next year? Um ok. And if you were blocking, why? You're not going to make the playoffs this year.

~Things that aren't a good idea: Talking trash about Tiger Woods. Last year Stephen Ames talked shit and then matched up against Tiger in the match play tourney and almost got shut out. And this year Rory Sabbatini talked trash and got pummeled in the final round yesterday. Rory didn't you know Tiger Woods is Now?

~Danica Patrick was leading the race this weekend and her car had problems so she didn't win yet again, leaving her 0 for, well, 0 for forever. Shades of Kournikova?

~Rookie Contract holdouts are still lame. Revis get your ass in camp already.


Courtesy of Barstool Sports

Initially you watch this video and think to yourself, damn that's a fine goal, then you look at it again and think damn, he's playing defense. Damn what the hell were you doing dude? How about heading the ball out of the zone?

Courtesy of The Offside

I was doing my daily reading today and came across a new rumor that Kobe Bryant was getting ready to file divorce papers. First off I have no idea whether the rumor is true or not and I flat out don't care and neither should you. And that's the point, what does Kobe Bryant possibly getting a divorce have to do with anything in our lives? Will Kobe getting a divorce drastically change his output on the court? That is highly doubtful. Will this have any effect on your life at all? Again that is highly doubtful. Why must we be so interested in a failed marriage?

Furthermore there always is a race to get the first scoop at a story. If you were first and you have the story correct than you get all the credit. If the story is in fact false than you just back up and avoid the topic. A CBS in LA picked up the Kobe might be getting a divorce and rushed to post it on their website, then hours later they pulled it down without explanation. Then their exec. stated that the website and the tv newscast are separate entities. Ok assbag, but if the story was accurate it would have been on your newscast that hour.

Arod might just have it the worst of anyone. He plays cards and people yell at him for being a gambler. He goes sun bathing in central park and people think that drastically effects his performance. He walks around with a blond and its reported that he's sleeping around. His wife gets pissed off at the world and wears a F U t-shirt and she's the worst person in the world. At what point did Arod become Paris Hilton?

Where has the sports world gone now? Every week it seems like the sports news stories are more about off the field issues rather than what actually occurs during the game. At what point did we decide that we were going to treat all athletes as celebrities and begin the gossip mill? Count me as one person whom does not want 15 minutes of every SportsCenter to turn into Access Hollywood.

Just when you thought Who's Now was lame and couldn't be topped, the Sunday SportsCenter comes in and gives you Who's Then with the Sklar Brothers. Super. For those inclined to pain and agony here is their Bracket which just so happens to be the name of their weekly segment.

Haim and Feldman vs. Dan and Dave
Tamir Goodman vs. Richard Hatch
Joe Piscapot vs. Maurice Clarrett
XFL vs. Steven Segal

Dan and Dave vs. Richard Hatch
Steven Segal vs. Maurice Clarett

Richard Hatch vs. Steven Segal

So ESPN has proclaimed Tiger Woods the most now athlete and the Sklar brothers have proclaimed Steven Segal the Most Then, um, the most then person place or thing?

This is SportsCenter.

It was an exciting month of July for Douches and Morons and after a few competitive weeks it's time to vote on who was the biggest Douche of the entire month. Take a look at the competitors:

Week 1 Winner, Mark Fuhrman - This guy should not be allowed to talk to any form of media, he should not be considered a credible source and he should have effectively been barred from talking when he blew everything at the OJ trial. But apparently he still is allowed to talk, and of course he's spewing out dumb stuff like Benoit probably didn't commit murder suicide, perhaps Mark you should just trust the non racist police officers who are currently working the scene, you douche. Week 2 Winner, Lonny Baxter - Things that you probably shouldn't contemplate doing; firing a weapon in close proximity to the the white house and sending multiple firearms via fedex. Apparently the 4 years at Maryland and the national title didn't serve to increase his intelligence. Week 3 Winner, Gary Sheffield - Personally I thought the whole Sheffield thing was hilarious but it was really stupid in all honesty. The Not all the Way Black, Never Shot Anything in my Butt and blaming all of your troubles on women, those are some classic lines. And Certainly Classic Sheffield. Week 4 Winner, Scott Olsen - This guy needs some anger management courses. He seems to weekly get in a different fight with a different teammate and then he runs multiple stop signs while being chased by the cops. The cops were even forced to use a stun gun on him so he would comply. He needs some counseling bad.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Get Your Vote On

Bart Simpson would be so proud. Moe would be so Angry.

Courtesy of AA

I set out this morning to write a post about what could have been for the Celtics if Danny decided to take an opposite path. Coming into this offseason the Danny had three options 1)Continue with Pierce in the Mix of a Youth Movement, 2) Trade all your Youth for 2 Superstars at the Tail-End of their primes or 3) Trade Pierce and go full force on the youth movement.

Option 1 really ensured no title so Danny pretty much needed to pick one of the latter two paths if the Celtics were to win a championship. We see how the roster is currently and we know that they have 3 NBA all stars and a bag of poo. If they can sign some free agents the remainder of the offseason or execute some contract dumps during the season than perhaps they will have a legit chance at a title. For now I think it's doubtful, but still more likely than if they stood pat with veteran youth mix.

But what could have been if Danny decided to take the other path. What kind of package would Pierce have brought in? So I found myself at ESPN Trade Machine searching for deals that would make sense to trade Pierce. I looked at the Bulls who had Ben Gordon and the 9th pick at their disposal which would have been a good trade for Pierce at both ends. But Gordon only makes 4 million. I tried to throw in Hinrich's larger contract instead of Gordon and still got nothing. I continued to look and look and look for a deal that would make sense for the Celtics. Namely to get a few expiring contracts to equal out Pierces 16 million and get a few young potential players / draft picks. And I just couldn't find a deal that would have really worked. Something that would have brought a legit package back to the Celtics to a team that would want Pierce's services towards a title.

So in all honesty maybe Danny had no choice but to go after the title with KG, Allen, Pierce and hopefully a few more veteran free agent signings. Maybe there just was nothing on the table for Pierce that could have even been deemed fair.

Well that's just plain wrong. The description of Yankees Territory is: Upstate New York and northern Pennsylvania. Um how about all of lower Connecticut and the vast majority of Northern Jersey.

Countries of Baseball

Things I don't think would feel good; that. His friggin shoes fly 15 feet in the air after he hits the ground. How the hell do you get up and walk away from that? Talk about tough.

Chances are if his name was Carl Pavano he'd be in a body bag.

Do you know who the Most Dominant Closer of the last month was?

If your answer was Manny Corpas then you sir, would be correct. Um who is Manny Corpas,is probably what you're saying to yourself. That's right the most dominant closer of the past month is someone who, chances are, you have never ever heard of and have no idea what team he pitches for.

First off he pitches for the Colorado Rockies, and he took over the closers job for the injured Brian Fuentes briefly before the all star break. Since than Corpas has compiled 8 saves and one extra inning victory while striking out 14 and only giving up a single run. So who is Manny Corpas and where in the world did this come from?

First off Corpas is a 24 year old from Panama City, Panama. Know who else is from Panama City, Panama? The greatest closer of all-time Mariano Rivera. Hmm, I wonder who his idle was growing up. The Rockies dipped for him at a young age and signed Corpas to a free agent contract when he was 16 in 1999. Last year in his rookie season he threw in 35 games to the tune of a 3.65 era and has lowered his era to 2.24 over 54 games this season.

Signs are pointing to Mr. Fuentes being out of a job once he comes back from the ole DL.

Another fun week in the world where you have to wonder why some people ever talk, why others are ever allowed to talk and why some are just plain jackasses. Here are your weeks candidates:

1. Asashoryu - Think about what Barry Bonds would do in the offseason if he was asked to do some extra exhibition games around the US. He would say oh no sorry guys but I need to rest my injuries. Asashoryu, a Mongolian Yokuza did the exact same thing. The Problem? He played in a charity soccer game right after he said he had a stress fracture in his back. Dumb ass. 2. Pac 10 Presidents - What is one thing that almost every college football fan in America thinks is a good idea and 4 of the 6 conferences are contemplating? Oh the plus one game, everyone loves that idea. Except for the damn Pac 10 presidents who say they will pull out of the BCS if this happens. Assholes. 3. Bud Selig - Look at me, I'm Bud Selig, I'm such a hard working and diligent commissioner that I went to 8 Barry Bonds games waiting for that schmuck to hit 755 and only took a few games off here and there. Shut your yap Bud no one wants to hear how hard it is to go to baseball games for free. 4. Pete Rose - Invite Pete Rose to speak at your baseball camp and you just might hear stories of how he has seen Joe Dimaggio's wang and how Marge Schott stiffed him out of his will. Oh he'll be kind enough to drop a few F bombs at the kids. So get him while you can I'm sure his asking price is reasonable.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Get Your Vote On

Last Weeks Winner: Scott Olsen

Hopefully none of these folks are Argentine or Columbian as they might have ended up with a hatchet in the back of their skull on their returns to South America. And no one likes the hatchet hat.

Courtesy of The Beautiful Game

I think the ref almost got kicked in the face twice as much as the actually fighters. My favorite moments are when they do the windmill as if that would ever inflict much damage.

Courtesy of 100% Injury Rate

Typically ESPN the tv network shows you live coverage of events they deem important and have the rights to and will cut out any other programming. Think Bonds right now. They'll show every second of the at bat no matter if he's getting intentionally walked. Some people like it, some people don't. Well apparently that philosophy has now infiltrated ESPN the radio as they felt the need to give us live play by play from YES and Michael Kay. Umm, who cares.

If he hits the damn home run can't you just give us the call a minute or two after it happens? Must I listen to Michael Kay analyze Alex Rodriguez, saying that he has power to right field so he could hit it out there. Thanks for that delightful insight Michael and thanks for subjecting me to it WWL.

So now I've had days to calm down about the Celtics trade and while I'm still against the trade personally I understand why other people feel like the trade was good and I feel I should present the counterpoints.

Closer to a Title

I don't think one can argue that KG will be an upgrade from Big Al the next few seasons. I may argue that the upgrade isn't going to be nearly large enough to justify trading every other franchise asset for, but to some gaining a Hall of Famer at the tail end of his prime is going to be a massive upgrade to a 22 year old who has never played a full schedule. And obviously this thought pattern would lead a person to feel like the Celtics are vastly closer to a title.

The Roster Changes Aren't Done

One of my initial points was the fact that the remaining roster as currently constituted blew. And well you can try to make a case for Rajon Rondo being very good, but you're kidding yourself. And you really can't argue for anybody else on the roster. With that said a legit argument is saying that Danny isn't done with free agent pickups. Could veterans flock to Boston to suit up with KG, Pierce and Allen? Sure. It started yesterday with the pickup of quick shooting Eddie House. Is he that much of an impact player? No. Is he a vast improvement over what they had? Sure. And who knows maybe he's just the first of many additions. The more legit NBA players they get this offseason the closer they will be to the coveted title.

Other than Big Al they Gave up Nothing

For next season Telfair and Ratliff were not going to contribute at all so who cares if they lost them. Gerald Green could potentially become a 20 per game scorer, key word potentially, some people don't believe it. Ryan Gomes isn't really that good and is nothing more than a bench player. As for the two draft picks, the Celtics draft pick should be in the 20s so they aren't losing much there and the T-wolves draft pick might come so late that they won't even get the pick.

The Celtics Are Relevant

No argument here from me, the Celtics are being talked about a lot more than they would have without this trade. They even took headline space from the Sox in July. And they'll be on national games a ton this season which they haven't been on in awhile. And the arena will probably have some juice for the first time in a while. And season ticket holders will actually be able to sell their end of the season tickets if they can't make the game.

Doc's Coaching Won't Matter

The belief would be that the three stud players will be so good and already know what they need to do that Doc won't really be coaching anything. And also stripping down the roster to absolutely nothing simplifies Doc's rotation so he can't botch that up like he always does.

KG and the Three Press Conference


Part 2, Part 3

~Michael Strahan is a chump. He's all whiny and threatening retirement because he wants more money. Good for the Giants telling him to go screw himself. You may be the active leader in sacks, but guess what you're old and you missed half the season last year and Dwight Freeney and other people that banked in the offseason have none of those problems. Stop being a bitch.

~Speaking of holdouts, is there anything more annoying than the rookie holdout? From Brady Quinn I'm a QB and I think I'm a top 5 pick so I deserve more money than a normal 22 pick to the Jets 1st round draft pick Darrelle Revis fighting over having one less year on his contract, all are lame. The NFL really should structure their draft salaries like the NBA does. You are drafted here, here is the max money you can make. We will sign you at that. Good? Good. Signed.

~What's with journalists attempting to make Dog Fighting seem worse than Rape? First some guy in Pittsburgh says it sad that in this country Vick would have been better off raping a woman. Than a CNN reporter starts comparing the charges that faced Kobe and that Vick is in a worse situation. Probably cause Kobe was completely innocent meanwhile Vick is...

~Culpepper to the Raiders makes a ton of sense. He's the exact model of a QB Russell can look at and learn from. In addition it makes his holdout and contract talks not nearly as urgent. And for Culpepper he gets a chance to start and prove he's not completely washed up.

~A-Rod is just showing how mental he is right now. He's journeying on his career long hitless streak because he is psyching himself out and can't do crap while thinking about #500. As soon as he stumbles into the homer I bet he goes back on his tear but who knows how long it will take for him to hit the dinger.

~The YES Network is currently on sale for 3 Billion dollars so get your buddies together and get your funds straight, let's buy the shit.

The Candidate: Bud Selig, Commissioner of Baseball

The Case: After months and months of lingering and avoiding all questions regarding Barry Bonds Bud Selig has attended the past 8 San Francisco Giant games awaiting the record. This was probably the right move on Selig's part, but here's the problem; Selig decided to compare his attending baseball games to a "Herculean Effort". Here's his exact quote:

"I don't think there's anybody that can say I haven't made a Herculean effort, In fact, I've been having a lot of people who are stunned that I'm still at it."

The Verdict: Mr. Commissioner you sir are on crack. You are the commissioner of major league baseball, I'm pretty damn sure one of the jobs you have is to attend baseball games. So A) showing up to games is part of your job. B) You are attending baseball games. What the hell is difficult about that? You wake up, you do your work from a hotel room, or maybe even one of the home team's offices, than at 7 o'clock you sit in a luxury box. Oh wow Bud that sounds so difficult. And then every 3 days or so you need to travel to a new city. Hmm, sounds kind of like exactly what every baseball player does. Substituting practice and workout session with whatever you as the commissioner do during the day. So Bud I think it's best that you don't make any dumb ass comments like this anymore, you are just insulting yourself and making yourself look like a pansy.

Every time I watch a video like this I get more and more frustrated over the fact that I was born and raised within a mile of the wiffle ball factory yet I can't throw a single pitch that breaks differently than a baseball.

Courtesy of Fanhouse

1. Boston 64-42, Lost 2: All hail the Red Sox owners of the best record in major league baseball, the best bullpen in major league baseball and gainers of the second biggest asset on the trade market. Now if only JD Drew didn't completely suck balls they would be a complete juggernaut. Last Months Rank: 1, Even

2. Detroit 61-45, Lost 1: I still think they're the second best team in baseball despite them getting smoked every single game in Anaheim. I feel as if that was just a bump in the road and once they return home their pitching staff will straighten out. Yet you still have to wonder why they didn't make any moves. Last Months Rank: 3, +1

3. LA Angels 62-43, Won 1: The Angels spent the weekend pummeling the Tigers and then I disrespect them. Sorry. If you had sacked up and dealt for Teixeira to finally get you a bopper to go along with Vlad then you would have pushed for the #1 spot. Yet the Angels once again did nothing, they are all talk no action when it comes to deal making. Last Months Rank: 2, -1

4. NY Mets 59-47, Lost 1: The Mets are still the favorites in the NL but they have to be checking their rear view mirrors a lot more after this weeks wheelings and dealings. They need an effective Peety back sooner than later. Last Months Rank: 5, +1

5. NY Yankees 57-49 Won 2: The Yanks are finally playing like a team that is constructed of mostly all stars. Since the last power rankings the Yankees have pulled a 12 game swing from 4 under to 8 over .500. Granted some of that could come as thanks to playing the D-Rays a lot, but still their bats are alive and some struggling Yanks in the first half like Cano and Matsui had torrid months of July. Last Months Rank: 18, +13

6. Cleveland 60-46, Lost 3: What happened to the AL Central the past few weeks. Or really what happened to the top teams in the AL during the month of July. None of the top four had a scalding month. The Indians in fact dropped from 17 over to 14 games over, yet surprisingly they made no moves. Last Months Rank: 4, -2

7. Atlanta 56-51, Won 2: Maybe I'm overreacting to them picking up Teixeira and Dotel and yes their pitching is still suspect but come on look at that lineup. That's one of the best lineups in all of baseball. Imagine if Andruw Jones wakes up and realizes he is in a contract year, they will score runs by the dozens. Last Months Rank: 11, +4

8. Chicago Cubs 56 49 Won 1: Keys to victory, have your ace pitcher pitch lights out and have a few stud hitters produce and wallah victories come. Aramis and Soriano have hit well and Zambrano has pitched like the guaranteed Cy Young winner. Oh and Sweet Lou throwing a temper tantrum never hurt anybody either. Last Months Rank: 14, +6

9. Seattle 58-47, Lost 1: So who predicted the Mariners to be second in both the west and the wild card with 2 months remaining in the season? Probably not you. Certainly not me. But hey they do have some bats and Putz outside of the all star game is a monster. Last Months Rank: 9, Even

10. Milwaukee 58-49, Won 1: The Brew crew are scuffling after their hot start and the Prince has lost his power stroke. He only blasted 3 in the entire month of July? If you want you can pinpoint it on their ace Sheets being on the DL, or you could point out the fact that they really just aren't that good. Last Months Rank: 7, -3

11. Arizona 59-49 Won 1: Every month I think the D-Backs are going to fade and every month they don't. I just don't get it. Why is Dick Byrnes actually hitting like one of the best players in baseball? Did the O-dog ever hit for the Jays? Valverde is second in the NL in saves? Huh? Last Months Rank: 12, +1

12. Philadelphia 56-50 Lost 1: I would rank the Phillies higher but with the injuries to Chase Utley and earlier this week to Victorino the top of their order is much strained. J-Roll and Howard are going to have to pick it up big time. And it's not as if Lohse is a solid answer in the rotation. Last Months Rank: 13, +1

13. San Diego 56-49, Lost 1: The Padres were probably the most annoying team at the deadline. Tons of moves little consequence. Why do you go about picking up bench player after bench player when its your starters that can't get the job done ever. Their trades were lame and Chris Young being hurt is a killer. Last Months Rank: 6, -7

14. Colorado 54-51, Won 3: The Rocks continue the NL West movement in the early to mid teens. They are only 2 games out in the loss column to the D-Backs and well every other team in their division. Maybe Helton can wake up and start hitting again so they can somehow sneak away with the division. Last Months Rank: 17, -3

15. LA Dodgers 57-49, Lost 3: Screw talking about the Dodgers, let's talk about Eliza Dushku and her choice of men. Brad Penny? Brad friggin Penny that fugly bastard is who you are dating? What is wrong with the world? For this and the fact you made no significant trades to upgrade your team you go to the bottom of the West trio. Last Months Rank: 8, -7

16. Toronto 53-53, Won 1: Injuries have crushed the Blue Jays this season. Well that and Vernon Wells having one of his down seasons that tends to come after a monster season. Last Months Rank: 16, Even

17. Oakland 50-57, Won 1: This won't be the year that the Oakland A's light up August and September and run away with the west. I am surprised that they didn't find a suitor for Piazza and even more surprised that they were openly shopping Blanton. Why? Last Months Rank: 15, -2

18. Minnesota 55-51, Won 4: Talent wise and chances of them performing down the stretch are higher than the Dodgers, Pads, Rocks, Jays and A's. But they land here because their ownership are cheap bastards. They traded Castillo to alleviate themselves of paying 2 million dollars and by doing so absolutely pissed off Johan Santana. Smart move guys. Last Months Rank: 10, -8

19. St. Louis 50-53, Won 4: The Cardinals are hot? Who knew? Let's not be too shocked if once again the Central division winner finishes with barely over 81 wins. Last Months Rank: 21, +2

20. Florida 49-58, Lost 1: The only thing of news in Florida this season is that Hanley Ramirez is silently one of the best baseball players in the world and Scott Olsen won the Weekly Waste of Oxygen award last week. Last Months Rank: 19, -1

21. Baltimore 50-55, Won 1: Same old Same old for the Orioles. The are slightly below a .500 ball club in a division dominated by the Yanks and Red Sox and every time they play either at home their fans are vastly outnumbered. But hey Cal Ripken had a good weekend. Last Months Rank: 24, +3

22. Chicago Sox 48-58, Lost 2: What a fast fall of grace this team had. Jose Contreras can't get anyone out. Jermaine Dye can't hit a lick. Thome is old. Pods is always hurt. The south-siders are officially terrible. Last Months Rank: 20, -2

23. Texas 47-59 Won 1: Oh the Rangers are miserable but atleast there are a few glimmers of hope. They have lights out stud Kason Gabbard to put in their rotation. That boys was sarcasm... Last Months Rank: 26, -3

24. Houston 46-60, Lost 2: Apparently they don't like Dan Wheeler and hate Morgan Ensberg. Understandable, but if you are the Astros and dumped all this money on Carlos Lee in the offseason doesn't it make you depressed knowing the best thing you can say about your team is that you aren't one of the 5 worst in baseball. Last Months Rank: 22, -2

25. Washington 46-60, Won 1: The Nats don't suck that bad, hooray for them not challenging the worst record in major league history like I and several other people thought they had a remote chance of doing. Hell the Nats are even giving the Mets nightmares now. Last Months Rank: 29, +4

26. Kansas City 47-59, Lost 2: I honestly didn't think at the beginning of the season that we would go a month without the Nats or the Royals being the worst team in major league baseball. And in reality they're both blowing the Drays out of the water. Last Months Rank: 27, +1

27. San Francisco 46-58, Won 1: The Giants suck but atleast Barry Bonds is more important than America. Last Months Rank: 23, -4

28. Cincinnati 45-62, Lost 3: Let's see you have assets like Adam Dunn, David Weathers, Ken Griffey Jr., Bronson Arroyo. Your team has no future this year or in the upcoming seasons. And yet you stand pat with your roster. Intelligent. Last Months Rank: 28, Even

29. Pittsburgh 42-62, Lost 4: This might be a bit harsh considering they did make the epic trade to acquire the youthful Matt Morris to anchor their staff for the next decade. Wait Matt Morris is 33. And you begin to know why some franchises always suck. They even make large asian pirates sad. Last Months Rank: 25, -4

30. Tampa Bay 40-66, Lost 1: How to construct a team with a lot of young bats but no pitching whatsoever. Shields who was terrific the first few months was miserable in July and their bullpen is still atrocious. If only they could have Kazmir pitch against the Red Sox every day. Last Months Rank: 30, Even

Previous Rankings:April, May, June

The Juggernaut can speed when he wants to, why because he Brandon Jacobs is going to be the starting running back for the New York Football Giants this season and cops just want him to run the ball this year.

Courtesy of EC

The other day I am listening to Mike and the Mad Dog on my nightly commute sans Mike and I hear Mad Dog fumbling to give credit to a radio station. He couldn't remember the radio stations letters and I had no idea what he was talking about. Eventually he asked for a little help from the production crew and said 1010 WQYK in Tampa. Huh? Mike and the Mad Dog are being simulcast in Tampa? Russo eventually fumbled around the subject a little more and started saying that they would be some additional Bucs talk in the fall, not the 5 o'clock slot he made sure to clarify, but additional Buc talk for sure.

First off as a Tri-State area resident and a daily listener of Mike and the Dog, you know what the last thing I want to listen to on my 50 minute commute home? Well NASCAR or the WNBA but the Bucs wouldn't be far behind. Cover the Giants and the Jets more and give a brief overview of the rest of the NFL. I don't want extra notes on how the Bucs still can't figure out who their shitty QB will be this season, or why the Cadillac's engine is stuck in neutral.

Secondly, I know there are ton of New York transplants in Florida, but damn that's an interesting radio strategy. Let's just simulcast a radio program that for the most part will talk absolutely positively no local stories. Maybe I'm just not fully aware of the magnitude of the old person transplants and how much New York Sports talk they desire to listen to but Mike and the Dog's show is 60% or more New York Sports.

Thank the good lord. Who's Now Championship voting has begun which means one thing of course we are almost done with one of the most pointless segments in the history of sportscenter. No more will we be subjected to trying to figure out whether Tony Parker's dating Eva Longoria is more important than the fact Roger Federer is the most dominant athlete on planet Earth. Apparently being the best player of all-time isn't now. So next week when you turn on Sportscenter it will no longer have Who's Now and everyone will rejoice, well until they fill that time with another 20 minute NASCAR segment. Ugh.

Possible Pennant Swinger

Trade: Saltalamacchia and Prospect for Mark Teixeira and Ron Mahay

This was obviously the biggest trade of the deadline. Teixeira has shown in years past that he can be among the best 1B in all of baseball. And while he hasn't done so yet this season he could easily turn on the jets. The Braves now have a lineup that will run Renteria, Jones, Jones, Teixeira, Francoer, McCann. That's a scary scary lineup in the NL and quite possibly the best.

The Rangers desperately wanted to purge Teixeira off the books which was evident by how hard they were shopping him around. Picking up Saltalamacchia not only gives your seamstress a workout but gives the Rangers a bona fide major league ready prospect right now. Good deal by both sides.

Trade: Kyle Davies for Octavio Dotel

This is another good move for the Braves in the hunt to overtake the Mets. They needed bullpen help and at one point in time Dotel was the best set up man in the business and really Kyle Davies isn't much of a pitcher. For the Royals, I guess they got a starter for a pitcher that was gonna walk anyway.

Trade: Gagne to Red Sox

These 3 for 1 deals can never be judged immediately. Who knows what Engel Beltre and David Murphy will ever become. And Kason Gabbard has shown some flashes this season which even include a shutout but should anyone in Boston be that disappointed that he's gone, my thoughts would be no.

Picking up Gagne could do one of two things this season. He could get injured and miss significant amounts of time. Or he could come in and solidify the backend of the Red Sox bullpen and give them a dominant right handed setup man to go with Okajima from the left side and Papelbon in the 9th. Personally I think this was well worth the risk.

Deals of Little Impact

Trade: Betemit for Proctor

I don't see where this deal does anything to help out the 2007 version of the Yanks. I've seen a few Yankee fans justify that they needed a better bench bat and that they have the arms which can replace Proctor in the bullpen but I just don't get it. Betemit isn't going to get consistent at bats. He really isn't much of an upgrade over Cairo or Shelly Duncan or Andy Philips. And at 25 he's not exactly a young prospect. As for losing Proctor, sadly he was one of the more reliable bullpen arms they had, sure he wasn't really that good. I wonder if the Boss said ship him out after the burning the uni stuff.

The Dodgers really didn't need Betemit. He had fallen out of favor at 3B, they are playing Nomar there every day now and they have Andy Laroche heating up in AAA. They get an arm to put in the mid innings and there he will be asked to pitch the 6th or 7th with Brockton anchoring the 8th. Move makes sense for them.

Deals of No Consequence this Season

Trade: Wigginton for Wheeler

This deal came out of nowhere last week and it didn't quite make sense at the time from a Houston end. However, its apparent that Houston was just done with Morgan Ensberg and Dan Wheeler's attitude. On the Devil Rays side as long as they keep Wheeler next season and in the future it makes a lot of sense. Their bullpen is the worst in the majors, no question and they have to many young position players on that team, they needed to trade a bat for pitching.

Trade: Ensberg for Prospects

Talk about a fall from grace. In 2005 he hit 36 homers. Now two years later the Astros were so down on the 31 year old they designated him for assignment. Here's the ESPN line "The Houston Astros sent Ensberg and cash considerations to the Padres for a player to be named or cash." So he could have been sent with cash for cash. Nice.

Trade: Rob Mackowiak for Prospects

These two deals do pretty much nothing for the Padres terrible offense. They made 4 trades picked up 3 minor leaguers for Linebrink and picked up bench players Hairston, Mackowiak and Ensberg. Whoopdie do.

This is why people don't like Soccer in America and don't like silly ass clown foreigners like Ginobli in the NBA. They always have to act like they've been shot as soon as some glances their skin.

Courtesy of Who Ate All the Pies