SimonOnSports

I think Red would ban foreigners from his basketball team if he was coaching now. That video was fantastic. Via Bullets Forever

If you look at the Home Run leaderboard you'll see some glaring absences but none wider/larger than the absence of the name Prince. And why is that name missing? It's simple, the absence of a delicious cheeseburger is bring down the big man. The man blasted 50 homers last year eating what I can imagine only raw cattle thrown over a fire. But this offseason he was tainted, tainted of course by a powerful vagina. One strong enough to turn a 5-11 270 pound man/beast into a sappy vegetable eating fool. And who loses? Brewer fans. Brewer fans have to watch a massive man/beast turn from a hunter powerful enough to rip a deer's head off to a lazy man picking berries in a field. Prince has a wussy 6 homers thus far this season. Jose Reyes has 7. You could fit 7 Jose Reyes' in Prince. Nate McLouth has 12 dude weighs a buck eighty. Friggin Kevin Millar has 8 home runs. You know how Kevin Millar hits 8 home runs without having any skill at all. He eats fucking beef ...

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos In Order Courtesy of AA , Mitchieville , With Leather , Hot Clicks , Fanhouse , With Leather *2 , Deadspin , Deadspin *2 I Don't Understand why Yankee Fans like Sterling, he's incompetent and blind. Use Crazy glue it worked for me and the IFC Trophy. This never happened at my practices. That's some prime stiff arm utilization. Hmm that seems like a dumb idea. Yes, baby Red Sox fans reject god and support satan. Wow Avery has sunk a little bit the past week. Umm, the original is better.

MLB Rookie of the Year Trivia

Everybody in New York keeps on searching for the reason why the New York Mets have not been the same team since midway through the 2007 season. Many blame Jose Reyes lack of production and say he is the driving force of the offense and without him they don't run. Many blame Willy for have an apparent lackadaisical attitude in the clubhouse. Some blame Omar Minaya for putting together an aging club that lacks leadership or a team with a significant cultural divide. I'm here to say they are all wrong, there's one difference between the Dominant Mets of 06 and the first half of 07 and the Struggling Mets since, one single organizational mistake. They released the ageless wonder Julio Franco. On July 12th last season the Mets finally decided to designate Julio Franco for assignment, that night they went on to win and push their record to 49-39 and sat at the top of the standings . The remainder of the season the Mets only played four games over five hundred and of course c...

Ballplayers of New England Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

They are the Spurs they have been good and very annoying for a long time. Each of their players has certainly gotten on your nerve at some time or another and chances are if given the chance you would want to kick at least one of the in the groin. But which of them is the absolute worst. 1. Manu Ginobili - He's a foreigner so maybe its just natural for him to flop whenever he possibly can but it doesn't make it any less annoying. Additionally, he despite being an NBA player apparently needs to be baby as all you ever hear about is how the Spurs have to hold off on Manu's minutes so he won't get worn down for the playoffs. Additionally, he seems to always be the one who hits the big shots. 2. Tim Duncan - He's one of the best players of all time, he's the reason that the Spurs have 4 NBA titles and he plays the game well fundamentally so what is there not to like. How about the fact that he never shows any kind of personality to anyone in the publics eyes is one...

You're going around your local golf course and after downing the tenth beer in your 18th hole journey you have to take a piss. There's no bathroom in site, oh no what do you do. You head to the closest tree or just off the t-box turn your body away from the crowd and let it fly. Or... You could piss in a fake club in your bag. That's right the Uroclub now can solve all of your uncomfort issues. Just strap a towel around your waste pull the Uroclub out of your bag, unscrew the top and start pissing in your most useful new club. Then you can dispense of the urine in whatever way you see fit later in the day. It could be in the bathroom, in the woods or simply poured into Grutt's half empty can of beer. Seriously this has got to be the dumbest invention of all time. If you are uncomfortable pissing on a golf course you should hand in your man card. Plus who the hell wants to have a urine soaked club in their golf bag ever or who wants to wash out your urine soaked club on...

I do not follow the prototypical American choice of favorite athletes. I grew up with random athletes being my favorites and tennis was just one example. Growing up I never really got into Pete Sampras and his boring demeanor or Andre Agassi and his flamboyant style. It was always the odd foreigners that caught my attention from Goran Ivanisevic to Gustavo Kuerten. This weekend marked the last professional tennis match of the latter whom when in his prime was unstoppable on the clay courts in Paris. He was exciting showed constant joy on the court and won with charisma and class. He was my favorite player to watch and much like Chris Webber was saddled with injuries which both limited his potential and cut his career sort. Kuerten has been mostly irrelevant on the tour since 2002 when he first started his series of injuries but there will always be those three French Open Titles in 97, 00, and 01. As well, as the last flash of Paris brilliance when he dominated Roger Federer in ...

In early September I rambled on about how ridiculous it was for Chelsea to can the self proclaimed Special One Jose Mourinho. His squad struggled in the opening months of the season but he had achieved so much in so little time that it made no sense for him to be the sacrificial lamb. One full season later and its his replacement who has become the unjustified slaughter victim. Avram Grant replaced Mourinho only weeks into the Premiership season and inherited a wealth of talented players brought on by the throw away cash of Roman Abromovich's billions. He additionally inherited players with undieing loyalty to Mourinho who had dug themselves a hole in both the Premiership and the Champions League. Throughout a season of ridicule by the British media and fans alike Grant percervered and brought Chelsea back to contention for three of a possible 4 trophies. The Blues lost in the Finals to London rival Tottenham in the League Cup, the least prestigious of the possible football trophi...

What College Did I Go To? (CL) Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

This is what Sidney Crosby Wishes His Beard Looked Like... This is what Sidney Crosby's Beard Really Looks Like... 20 Year Olds should not attempt to grow a playoff beard if it's going to end up being a dirty sanchez stache and a patchy neck beard. Be damned with tradition Sidney, you look like a fool.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos In Order Courtesy of Foul Balls , The Big Lead , Fanhouse , The Offside , Puck Daddy , MHTC , World of Isaac , people, The Sporting Blog Umm... So Who Wins? Look at the scoreboard dumb asses we're up 5 nothin. This guy has a lot of time on his hands. Who knew Germans could make AIDs funny? God Japanese people are insane. Man get your poison working you loser. Yay another manager that loves words that start with F. I would have applauded the umpire for punching Giambi out. Ahmad should have played better D.

Old School Stadium Trivia

The Yankees have made it official they are transitioning Joba Chamberlain into the rotation for the latter portion of the season. So the question is, how the hell do you the Yankees plan on stretching him out and getting him ready for his first start? And who the hell pitches the 8th inning? And you know what the biggest problem is, the 8th inning issue starts now. If the Yankees are going to stretch him out they need to utilize a plan. He must pitch a certain amount of innings every 5 days. This means that there will be no more Joba in the 8th inning alone. That would back track his progression towards the rotation. Essentially he could come into the game in the 7th or 6th or 5th and pitch in the 8th, but he won't be coming out of bullpen rushing the field in the 8th anymore. Onto the next question, how the hell do you stretch out a pitcher in the bullpen. Say its Joba's day to pitch 3 innings, the plan says he has to go into the game. Well what if the Yankees are do...

The Bodies of the WTA Full Pictures of Answers Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

In Major League Baseball there are currently 55 starting pitchers who have started at least 10 games. 53 of whom have started 10 and 2 (Lester & Blanton) have started 11. Amongst these 55 starters there is one single pitcher who has yet to suffer a loss. It isn't Brandon Webb who was 9-0 but lost his last game to fall to 9-1. It isn't Edinson Volquez with his 1.33 ERA. It isn't the unbelievable Cliff Lee who has lost a singular game. It isn't 7-0 Dice-K Matzusazaka who despite pitching a week before everybody in Japan has only started 9 games. No, the only undefeated started with double digits starts is..... SHAWN CHACON. 1 and 0 Shawn friggin Chacon.

In every fantasy draft there are people that highly outperform their expectations and those that highly underperform their expectations. The worst case of under performing occurs when you waste a high draft pick on the player. Here is a list of 11 busts with the ESPN Average Draft Position (ADP) Top 100, meaning that chances are you used one of your first 10 picks on one of these guys if you have them rotting the bench. Hitter (ADP) - AVG, R, HR, RBI, SB Pitcher (ADP) - W-L SV K ERA WHIP Prince Fielder (15) - .259 20 6 24 0 Him going vegan helped me steer away from the 250 pound beast. But obviously given his position as the 15th highest player drafted it didn't scare off enough. You knew he wasn't going to provide speed and you couldn't bank on a high average but its the mediocre power numbers that are killing all of his fantasy owners. Mark Teixeira (23) - .264 25 5 23 0 Typically a slow starter I don't know if fantasy owners have too much to worry about with Tei...

How much do you have to pay for garbage on MLB.com from players no longer with that team? Test you're ability to name that price. Get Your MLB Clearance Items

A Journey into the Mind of Mike D'Antoni ...And that means the Chicago Bulls will have the #1 pick in the 2008 NBA Draft. "Aww fuck are you god damn kidding me? The Bulls got the god damn #1 pick? That's not fair, why the hell didn't they tell me the NBA was rigging the lottery for them? I gotta deal with Stephon Marbury and trying to get fat ass Eddy Curry in shape and the fucking Bulls have the #1 pick in the god damn draft? Why? Why does the god damn NBA hate me? Ok ok Mike calm down. It's ok, Beasley and Rose aren't that good. We're just in it for getting under the cap and luring Lebron to New York anyway, who cares about the #1 pick. Fuck who am I kidding this shit blows. Ok ok, mental imagery time. Think about your first check. 6 million 6 million 6 million 6 million dollars each year. Ok ok, I think I'm better. Man I want to kick that Bulls guy in the fucking groin. I need something to drink." End of the Journey into the Mind of ...

Nintendo recently released the Wii Fit, which of course is designed to give you a way to have an at home workout and a general fun experience. Along the way to making yourself fit it tracks many things including your progress, what you've accomplished and your Body Mass Index. Telling someone their Body Mass Index isn't always a good idea, especially when you tell a 10 year old that she is obese . Typically, 10 year olds who are a bit hefty have to deal with classroom ridicule, automating that ridicule is something they just don't need. The funny part about all of this is how irrelevant and how dated BMI measurements are. I personally am 5 foot 8 (stupid mother gave me the short gene) and somewhere between 165 and 170 pounds. I go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week, play softball / bball / flag football something year round. I consider myself to be in good shape. Other than my alcohol intake and the occasional shitty dining on the weekend I eat healthy as well. Yet when...

This kick got Fiorentina a spot in the 08/09 Champions League ahead of perennial power AC Milan as it lifted them from a 5th place to a 4th place finish in Serie A. For a clearer view of the kick watch minute 2 of the following video. Courtesy of the Offside

Here's a little known fact that you may not be aware of, Babe Ruth technically combined to throw a no hitter in 1917 against Boston. And I use the word technically very liberally. The rest include a pair of no-hitters each by Cy Young and Leonard, but none is as legendary as the no-hitter tossed by Ernie Shore in 1917. Shore, who shared the rotation and was traded to the Yankees with Babe Ruth, cleaned up for Ruth on one summer day in 1917. Ruth was tossed from a game against the Washington Senators after walking the leadoff hitter, Ray Morgan, and punching the umpire, Brick Owens, squarely in the jaw. In came Shore from the bullpen, and out went Morgan on Shore's second pitch. He was caught stealing. Shore retired the next 26 batters in order, an accomplishment that was called a perfect game until the 1991 rule changes deemed it a "combined no-hitter." "In a perfect game," the rules state, "no batter reaches any base during the course of the game...

NBA Draft Lottery Trivia

Over the past week or so some of you may have noticed that I've been including lots of quizes on the site. I like testing my knowledge on sports so I in turn liked making the quizes. So I've made a bunch over the past week and have them typically posted at 11:11. Well, good ole technology has seemingly kicked me in the groin and wasted hours of my time as now it appears as if the site has blew up all of the questions of all of my quizes. Massive Kick in the Nuts...

Let us peel the names from a given lineup for which winning is expected. 1. .250 Batting Average with a .333 On Base %, 5 SBs & 2 CS 2. .280 Batting Average with 2 SB & 3 CS and 18 Runs in 43 games 3. 2 Home Runs & 21 RBI in 38 games 4. .304 with 20 RBI in 41 games 5. .191 with a .357 OBP over 36 games 6. .204 with a .256 OBP and 12 RBI & 12 Runs in 43 games 7. .255 with a .317 OBP and 6 Home Runs in 42 games 8. .237 with 1 RBI and 4 Runs scored in 17 games 9. .207 with 3 RBI and 7 Runs in 27 games That of course is the current Yankees lineup, the current Yankees A lineup with no substitutes in other than a possible flip flop at 3B of Betemit (.267) or Ensberg (.214) rather than Alberto Gonzalez (.237). You just aren't going to win many baseball games when you put together a lineup with no power, limited speed, and a lineup hole 5 spots long. And that isn't even including Damon who's hitting .250. Thus after you get passed the Abreu, Jeter & Matsui tri...

What College Did I Go To? (3B) Catalog of SimonOnSports Trivia

Because me being right so rarely seems to happen recently, I would like to harp on correct analysis from a couple of months ago. After the Cavs made their big 4 person trade I said that everybody was completely overrating Ben Wallace and that if anything the only improvements the Cavs got in that trade were Joe Smith and Delonte West. I said that Ben Wallace was not a very good basketball player and would do little to improve the Cavs, and I was completely right. In 7 games against the Celtics Ben Wallace never cracked double digits in anything. In 7 games he only had two 9 rebound games and only totaled 41 rebounds in the 7 games. He additionally never scored 10 or more points in a game. He scored 9 once and only scored 22 points the entire series. In game 7 he scored 3 points and grabbed 4 rebounds in nearly 30 minutes on the court. These are pitiful numbers. Does anybody honestly think Drew Gooden would have done worse? In the 2007 Finals in which the Cavs were swept Gooden...

If the world determined social class strictly on common sense than the International Association of Athletics Federations(IAAF) has taken a leap from the homeless to a lower income household in the past few days. See at one point in time they decided that somehow someway it was a benefit for a runner to be without legs. They deemed that the U shaped Carbon Fiber blades worn by amputee runners were more efficient than actual legs and thus they ruled any amputee wanting to compete against full bodied individuals with these legs as ineligible. Apparently, they wanted them to run with a wooden peg, or stitch on an actual human leg in order to compete. Well, the IAAF based on the case of Oscar Pistorius, a double amputee runner from South Africa decided to take a new vote on whether or not they should allow him to qualify and compete in the Beijing Olympics. And shockingly enough the people on this committee showed some common sense and will allow a man who has obvious gone through a l...

Justine Henin Trivia

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos In Order Courtesy of Tmags, Hot Clicks , Out In Center Field , The Offside , With Leather , Walk Off Walk , 101 Great Goals , Big League Stew , Playing For Peanuts , Grand National Champs Fake Scalabrine raps are lame. Whatever, I know I'm a dork. Hopefully Okajima blows his entire salary at the craps table. He was never good at that think fast game. http://view.break.com/501813 - Watch more free videos Good Night Scrotum. Hey Jason you have a song so start hitting the god damn ball for my fantasy team. Soccer Matches are Safe & Fun for the Family. I guess it comes as no surprise that Millar led this garbage. I would have expected Backman to drop the F bomb atleast 5 more times. And this is why Youtube isn't always a good thing.

What College Did I Go To? Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

It's for these stories to die it's time for me to not turn on my television or radio station and listen to people chronicling every minute detail of Homo & Simpson's relationship or of Matt Walsh and spygate. These stories are no longer in need of 24/7 coverage, they're in need of fading into the background only to be brought up in the case of some ridiculous new revelation. For instance these stories would be acceptable news for the Homo & Simpson relationship. Certainly not a potential breakup, they've done that about 7 times already, rather it would be acceptable news and entertaining news if there was a Homo interview in which he disclosed that Jessica Simpson only allows anal sex because she doesn't want to loosen her other parts. Now that would be newsworthy, that would be entertaining. Not, hey look at Tony and Jessica on a date. Wow they're in public and not living in a Bubble, who gives a crap. These stories would be acceptable for Spyg...

What College Did I Go To? Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

What College Did I Go To?

Your fantasy teams pitching bringing you down? Are you ranked last in ERA and second to last in wins with a miserable K rate. Do you have CC Fatassia letting you down or Brett Myers getting rocked every other start? Did you draft Rich Hill for his 180+ Ks and High 3 ERA only to see him get sent to the minors after a start that last 2/3 of an inning? Did you pick up Andrew Miller only to drop him before he started pitching like a top Prospect? Did you draft an injured all star to come save the day? Will John Lackey be your fantasy Angel? He certainly better be mine.

Hey Nelson, you might want to check the paperwork faxed to you or check that voice mail the Mets just left you. You are no longer a Met. They designated you for assignment. Whoops.

The All Star Team Voting is currently up and running, but what if you were to create and All Cheap All Star Team for each league. Meaning keep the 25 man roster at the Marlins payroll ($21,811,500) or under but you must use at least one person per team. All salaries taken from Cot's Contracts . Lineup (7.40493 million) C:Mike Napoli, .425 million, LAA Angels: Unlike the National League, the American League lacks very good young underpaid catchers. Napoli was chosen as start over Kurt Suzuki cause he at least has power. 1B:Kevin Youkilis, 3 million, Boston Red Sox: Youk is leading the AL in OPS and thus gets on the list despite the 3 million dollar salary which makes him the highest paid AL Cheap All Star. 2B:Ian Kinsler, .5 million, Texas Rangers: Kinsler has stepped right back into the groove this season after his breakout campaign in 2007. 3B:Alex Gordon, .406 million, Kansas City Royals: Formerly the #1 prospect in baseball is quietly putting together a solid season. SS:Eric...

The All Star Team Voting is currently up and running, but what if you were to create and All Cheap All Star Team for each league. Meaning keep the 25 man roster at the Marlins payroll ($21,811,500) or under but you must use at least one person per team. All salaries taken from Cot's Contracts . Lineup (5.142 million) C:Brian McCann, .8 million, Atlanta Braves: Once again raising his average to over .300 while providing solid power numbers. 1B:Adrian Gonzalez, .75 million, San Diego Padres: His contract has an exponential like increase over the next few years, but for this season the smooth hitting first baseman is still making under a million. 2B: Dan Uggla, .417 million, Florida Marlins: Uggla is a streaky power hitter, but during the Marlins latest hot streak he has been crushing the ball. 3B:Edwin Encarnacion, .45 million, Cincinnati Reds: 3B was struggling for low paid players especially given Zimmermans poor play, so Encarnacion was taken over the Kouz. Flip a coin on tha...

If you're currently leading the ACC in Home Runs, RBIs and Batting Average and you play catcher I'd imagine that scouts would pretty much be all over you daily. That because of those skills and the position you play that being drafted high wouldn't be something you would need to worry about. But I guess there's always something else you can do to improve your draft standing and FSU Coach Mike Martin had just the idea. Why not show a players versatility in the field and play him at every single position during a 7 inning game. And thus Buster Posey was given the opportunity very few people ever have. He played Catcher in the First, First in the Second, Second in the Third, SS in the Third, Third in the Fifth, LF and RF in the 6th and CF and Pitcher in the 9th. And if that wasn't enough he hit a grand slam. The negative of this of course showing up the other team. The Seminoles were playing Savannah St. and dominated them in a 10-0 defeat. Would FSU and Mike Ma...

Last night I turned on the Mets game because Lastings Milledge was up with the bases loaded and I was hoping to see Milledge get some revenge on his former club. During the at bat at first you could here a chant coming from some corner of Shea stadium but what was the chant and for who? Then the cameras panned to the Nats dugout and their was none other than Elijah Dukes leading a cheer for his teammate. He lead the team in a repeated Milly [clap clap] Milly [clap clap], the Nats essentially looked like an exuberant Little League team. To my evaporating memory it was the first time I had ever seen a Big League club engage in such a chant, but its the Nationals it isn't very surprising. But to Nelson Figueroa the Mets Pitcher it was both surprising and unacceptable. "They were cheerleading in the dugout like a bunch of softball girls," the beleaguered Mets right-hander said after getting stomped in a 10-4 loss to the Nationals last night. "If that's what a las...

Kei Igawa is a delicious blend of horrible pitcher and awkward looking human being. He is the epitome of the Yankees free agent pitching signing struggles of the past. And thus should be made fun of. Pre-Game Routine Kei: Horo Corch, I pitch today. I make good on money make batter no hit ball make you keep me. Girardi: Ok Kei. All we want you to do is pitch 5 innings and not give up 5 runs. Do you think you can do that Kei? Kei: Sure, I pitch good in Scronton, make win 3 games no make ERA over 4. Me pitch good today. Girardi: Alright, Kei just throw strikes. Kei: OK Corch. Joe Girardi walks over to talk to the pitching coach, Mike Harkey. Girardi: How's he look Harks? Harkey: Honestly? He looks like a little leaguer Girardi: That's what I figured. In Game Kei: Hooray Corch, I run to mound now and pitch super great awesome. How I look in my sunglass? Am I intermidiating? Girard: Huh? Kei: Intirmidating... Girardi: Umm, yah very intimidating. Kei: Yar you know I scary...

The Blue Jays for the past decade have been the third wheel of the division mostly due to holes in their roster. This list shows many of these holes from year to year that have kept them looking up at Boston and New York yearly. Lineup (min. 100 games) C:Darrin Fletcher 2001: .226 Batting Average with a .274 On Base % and only 36 runs scored in 416 at bats. 1B:Lyle Overbay 2007: .240 average with only 10 home runs and 44 RBI in 425 at bats for the usually reliable and consistent Overbay. 2B:Carlos Garcia 1997: .220 with an OPS of .562 and only 3 homers and 23 rbi in 350 at bats. 3B:Ed Sprague 1997: .228 with an On Base % of .306 and only 48 rbi in 504 at bats. SS:John McDonald 2006: .223 average with a .271 On Base % and a miserable .308 Slugging Percentage is the reason why McDonald isn't an everyday player. OF:Alexis Rios 2005: .262 batting average with a .306 Batting Average and only 10 homers over 481 at bats. OF:Vernon Wells 2007: Typically Wells is an awesome baseball pl...