Monday, May 12, 2008
Kei Igawa is a delicious blend of horrible pitcher and awkward looking human being. He is the epitome of the Yankees free agent pitching signing struggles of the past. And thus should be made fun of.
Kei: Horo Corch, I pitch today. I make good on money make batter no hit ball make you keep me.
Girardi: Ok Kei. All we want you to do is pitch 5 innings and not give up 5 runs. Do you think you can do that Kei?
Kei: Sure, I pitch good in Scronton, make win 3 games no make ERA over 4. Me pitch good today.
Girardi: Alright, Kei just throw strikes.
Kei: OK Corch.
Joe Girardi walks over to talk to the pitching coach, Mike Harkey.
Girardi: How's he look Harks?
Harkey: Honestly? He looks like a little leaguer
Girardi: That's what I figured.
Kei: Hooray Corch, I run to mound now and pitch super great awesome. How I look in my sunglass? Am I intermidiating?
Girardi: Umm, yah very intimidating.
Kei: Yar you know I scary, me strike out guy now.
After 1st inning, Igawa gives up one run on two hits.
Kei: Corch Corch Corch?
Girardi: Yes Kei.
Kei: I give up 1 run. New record for me.
Girardi: That's great Kei.
After the 2nd, when Igawa gets a 1 2 3 inning
Kei: Corch Corch, One Two Free. You see? I make outs.
Girardi: Good job Kei.
Kei: Yay, Corch say good job Kei. Horrray.
After the 3rd, when Igawa gives up 3 runs after a leadoff error by Derek Jeter
Kei: Corch, why Jeter make error? Me got sad, could not pitch well. Needed tissue. Me ok now, me go pitch well next inning.
Girardi: Yep that was exactly it Kei.
After Kei gives up 2 more runs in the 4th Girardi goes to the mound for the ball.
Girardi: Alright Kei, you're gonna have to get 'em next time.
Kei: Err Corch, why do they hit everything? They no miss ever. They just hit and hit and hit. No Japanese hit and hit and hit. No Scronton hit and hit and hit. But Tiger hit and hit and hit. I no understand. They only swung and miss two time. I pitch 4 inning and they miss two time.
Girardi: Yes, ok Kei go into the dug out and please don't talk to anyone. Or even look at anyone.
Kei: Ok Corch, Sowwy Corch.