If you look at the Home Run leaderboard you'll see some glaring absences but none wider/larger than the absence of the name Prince. And why is that name missing? It's simple, the absence of a delicious cheeseburger is bring down the big man.

The man blasted 50 homers last year eating what I can imagine only raw cattle thrown over a fire. But this offseason he was tainted, tainted of course by a powerful vagina. One strong enough to turn a 5-11 270 pound man/beast into a sappy vegetable eating fool. And who loses? Brewer fans. Brewer fans have to watch a massive man/beast turn from a hunter powerful enough to rip a deer's head off to a lazy man picking berries in a field.

Prince has a wussy 6 homers thus far this season. Jose Reyes has 7. You could fit 7 Jose Reyes' in Prince. Nate McLouth has 12 dude weighs a buck eighty. Friggin Kevin Millar has 8 home runs. You know how Kevin Millar hits 8 home runs without having any skill at all. He eats fucking beef and chicken and raw deer and washes it down with the urine of elk. That's how. Kevin Millar has no talent he hits homers on straight elk piss.

So Prince, kick that bitch to the curb. Side with steak. It's the right decision.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of AA , Mitchieville, With Leather, Hot Clicks, Fanhouse, With Leather *2, Deadspin, Deadspin *2


I Don't Understand why Yankee Fans like Sterling, he's incompetent and blind.


Use Crazy glue it worked for me and the IFC Trophy.


This never happened at my practices.


That's some prime stiff arm utilization.


Hmm that seems like a dumb idea.


Yes, baby Red Sox fans reject god and support satan.


Wow Avery has sunk a little bit the past week.


Umm, the original is better.

Everybody in New York keeps on searching for the reason why the New York Mets have not been the same team since midway through the 2007 season. Many blame Jose Reyes lack of production and say he is the driving force of the offense and without him they don't run. Many blame Willy for have an apparent lackadaisical attitude in the clubhouse. Some blame Omar Minaya for putting together an aging club that lacks leadership or a team with a significant cultural divide. I'm here to say they are all wrong, there's one difference between the Dominant Mets of 06 and the first half of 07 and the Struggling Mets since, one single organizational mistake. They released the ageless wonder Julio Franco.

On July 12th last season the Mets finally decided to designate Julio Franco for assignment, that night they went on to win and push their record to 49-39 and sat at the top of the standings. The remainder of the season the Mets only played four games over five hundred and of course collapsed down the stretch.

Record With Julio Franco (06-Jul 07): 146-104
Record Without Julio Franco (Jul 07-Now): 64-61

Another alarming fact is the dip in production of Jose Reyes since the departure of Julio Franco. On July 12th Jose Reyes was hitting .310 with an On Base % of 390 and looked like the potential MVP of the National League. Without Franco around Reyes played so poorly that at the end of the year his average dropped 30 points to .280 and his On Base Percentage dropped 36 points to .354. These numbers from your leadoff hitter and the spark plug of your team is not going to get it done and they have continued into this season.

06 Reyes Stats with Franco: .300 BA .354 OBP .487 SLG .841 OPS
07 Reyes Stats with Franco: .310 BA .390 OBP .452 SLG .842 OPS
07 Reyes Stats w/o Franco: .251 BA .316 OBP .402 SLG .718 OPS
08 Reyes Stats w/o Franco: .279 BA .338 OBP .486 SLG .823 OPS

It's evident that despite no longer being good at baseball Julio Franco had a significant positive impact on the New York Mets or... when he left the New York Mets he used the same voodoo magic he used to keep him in major league baseball for 97 years to curse the Mets. To make young Jose Reyes struggle. To make the Mets collapse. It's the Voodoo Curse of Julio Franco which has brought the Mets down.

Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

They are the Spurs they have been good and very annoying for a long time. Each of their players has certainly gotten on your nerve at some time or another and chances are if given the chance you would want to kick at least one of the in the groin. But which of them is the absolute worst. 1. Manu Ginobili - He's a foreigner so maybe its just natural for him to flop whenever he possibly can but it doesn't make it any less annoying. Additionally, he despite being an NBA player apparently needs to be baby as all you ever hear about is how the Spurs have to hold off on Manu's minutes so he won't get worn down for the playoffs. Additionally, he seems to always be the one who hits the big shots. 2. Tim Duncan - He's one of the best players of all time, he's the reason that the Spurs have 4 NBA titles and he plays the game well fundamentally so what is there not to like. How about the fact that he never shows any kind of personality to anyone in the publics eyes is one of the most boring superstars of all time. Or how about how all he does every single game is whine about any single foul call that does not go his way. 3. Tony Parker - What really is there to like about Tony Parker? He's french which immediately puts him in the negative plus he's married to a tv star so he's always on tv even non sports channels. Additionally, he likes to act like a drama queen on the court every possible moment he can. 4. Bruce Bowen - Is Bowen the worst of the bunch? He just might be. He whines just like the rest of them, but he is by far the dirtiest player of the bunch. He has built a reputation as a solid defensive player by consistently getting away with fouls and with jabbing his opponents. Additionally, he likes to step on better players like Chris Paul or get away with obvious flagrant fouls. Finally, he typically hits big 3s despite not being a good shooter.

Opinion Polls & Market Research

You're going around your local golf course and after downing the tenth beer in your 18th hole journey you have to take a piss. There's no bathroom in site, oh no what do you do. You head to the closest tree or just off the t-box turn your body away from the crowd and let it fly. Or... You could piss in a fake club in your bag.

That's right the Uroclub now can solve all of your uncomfort issues. Just strap a towel around your waste pull the Uroclub out of your bag, unscrew the top and start pissing in your most useful new club. Then you can dispense of the urine in whatever way you see fit later in the day. It could be in the bathroom, in the woods or simply poured into Grutt's half empty can of beer.

Seriously this has got to be the dumbest invention of all time. If you are uncomfortable pissing on a golf course you should hand in your man card. Plus who the hell wants to have a urine soaked club in their golf bag ever or who wants to wash out your urine soaked club on a daily basis. Seriously the only solid reason for having this club is for sneaky urinary pranks that you could pull based on the fact that nobody would ever suspect a club in your bag holding a bunch of your piss.

Via of Sports by Brooks

I do not follow the prototypical American choice of favorite athletes. I grew up with random athletes being my favorites and tennis was just one example. Growing up I never really got into Pete Sampras and his boring demeanor or Andre Agassi and his flamboyant style. It was always the odd foreigners that caught my attention from Goran Ivanisevic to Gustavo Kuerten. This weekend marked the last professional tennis match of the latter whom when in his prime was unstoppable on the clay courts in Paris. He was exciting showed constant joy on the court and won with charisma and class. He was my favorite player to watch and much like Chris Webber was saddled with injuries which both limited his potential and cut his career sort.

Kuerten has been mostly irrelevant on the tour since 2002 when he first started his series of injuries but there will always be those three French Open Titles in 97, 00, and 01. As well, as the last flash of Paris brilliance when he dominated Roger Federer in straight sets in 04 marking Roger's lone Grand Slam loss of the year.

Here's to you Guga for a successful but mostly fun career.

Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

This is what Sidney Crosby Wishes His Beard Looked Like...

This is what Sidney Crosby's Beard Really Looks Like...

20 Year Olds should not attempt to grow a playoff beard if it's going to end up being a dirty sanchez stache and a patchy neck beard. Be damned with tradition Sidney, you look like a fool.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of Foul Balls, The Big Lead, Fanhouse, The Offside, Puck Daddy, MHTC, World of Isaac, people, The Sporting Blog


Umm... So Who Wins?


Look at the scoreboard dumb asses we're up 5 nothin.


This guy has a lot of time on his hands.


Who knew Germans could make AIDs funny?


God Japanese people are insane.


Man get your poison working you loser.


Yay another manager that loves words that start with F.


I would have applauded the umpire for punching Giambi out.


Ahmad should have played better D.

The Yankees have made it official they are transitioning Joba Chamberlain into the rotation for the latter portion of the season. So the question is, how the hell do you the Yankees plan on stretching him out and getting him ready for his first start? And who the hell pitches the 8th inning?

And you know what the biggest problem is, the 8th inning issue starts now. If the Yankees are going to stretch him out they need to utilize a plan. He must pitch a certain amount of innings every 5 days. This means that there will be no more Joba in the 8th inning alone. That would back track his progression towards the rotation. Essentially he could come into the game in the 7th or 6th or 5th and pitch in the 8th, but he won't be coming out of bullpen rushing the field in the 8th anymore.

Onto the next question, how the hell do you stretch out a pitcher in the bullpen. Say its Joba's day to pitch 3 innings, the plan says he has to go into the game. Well what if the Yankees are down 10-0, wouldn't that be a complete waste? Would they still bring him in? What if Ian Kennedy is throwing a no hitter through 5 innings. Are you taking him out? What if Kennedy simply has a shutout through 6 innings, and you still take him out. Are you going to have Joba pitch the 7th, 8th and 9th and leave Mariano rotting in the pen? It doesn't make logical sense for improving your team.

Basically the only way I can see the Yankees stretching him out is either A) Send him to the minors (this is a miserable idea) or B) Just start him and have him pitch the alloted innings than after his allotted innings just bring in the corresponding long reliever. Will it put your team in some odd spots? Sure. If Kennedy or Igawa or whatever long reliever was any good they would be in the rotation. But at the very least this guarantees that every inning that Chamberlain pitches is a relevant one. The game will always start at 0-0, this never changes. Additionally, we know that this would allow the Yankees to create whatever schedule they want to stretch him out and without ever contemplating whether or not to bring him in. Finally this makes sure all of his innings are pitched in the majors and not wasted in the minors.

But hey, what the hell do I know. Let's let genius baseball mind Hank Steinbrenner make all of the decisions.

Full Pictures of Answers
Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

In Major League Baseball there are currently 55 starting pitchers who have started at least 10 games. 53 of whom have started 10 and 2 (Lester & Blanton) have started 11. Amongst these 55 starters there is one single pitcher who has yet to suffer a loss. It isn't Brandon Webb who was 9-0 but lost his last game to fall to 9-1. It isn't Edinson Volquez with his 1.33 ERA. It isn't the unbelievable Cliff Lee who has lost a singular game. It isn't 7-0 Dice-K Matzusazaka who despite pitching a week before everybody in Japan has only started 9 games.

No, the only undefeated started with double digits starts is.....

In every fantasy draft there are people that highly outperform their expectations and those that highly underperform their expectations. The worst case of under performing occurs when you waste a high draft pick on the player. Here is a list of 11 busts with the ESPN Average Draft Position (ADP) Top 100, meaning that chances are you used one of your first 10 picks on one of these guys if you have them rotting the bench.

Hitter (ADP) - AVG, R, HR, RBI, SB
Pitcher (ADP) - W-L SV K ERA WHIP

Prince Fielder (15) - .259 20 6 24 0

Him going vegan helped me steer away from the 250 pound beast. But obviously given his position as the 15th highest player drafted it didn't scare off enough. You knew he wasn't going to provide speed and you couldn't bank on a high average but its the mediocre power numbers that are killing all of his fantasy owners.

Mark Teixeira (23) - .264 25 5 23 0

Typically a slow starter I don't know if fantasy owners have too much to worry about with Teixeira. But I guess when you draft someone within the first three rounds you would hope not to have 2 months with less production than Mike Jacobs.

Victor Martinez (32) - .306 9 0 15 0

If you look at just average than Victor Martinez wouldn't seem like a bust. .306 is a nice number for any player. But look at the surrounding stats. 9 Runs, 15 RBI, and zero count it zero homers. He's supposed to be far and away the best catcher in baseball. Yadier Molina has better overall numbers than Victor Martinez and he might have gone undrafted in many leagues.

CC Sabathia (33) - 3-6 0 65 5.14 1.48

He's beginning to turn his season around after a brutal start, but a 1.48 WHIP? That is miserable, plus only the 3 wins despite pitching well over his last handful of starts makes you worry about whether or not he's going to hit 15 that you thought was automatic at the start of the year.

Eric Byrnes (35) - .218 24 4 17 4

If you drafted Eric Byrnes as the 35th player I would have thought you were smoking something funny. But apparently people valued him this high and what they are getting is mediocre overall numbers with a pitiful average. To me its not that surprising.

Troy Tulowitzki (42) - .152 10 1 11 1

Arguably the biggest killer to fantasy teams this year. Tulowitzki was supposed to be a breakout candidate after his terrific end to the season. Instead he gave his teams zero production and a 6 week trip to the DL. At least if you had him and picked up Clint Barmes you're getting production.

Travis Hafner (43) - .221 17 4 20 1

Travis Hafner does have one more steal than you could expect. But that is the only thing good you can say about him.

Robinson Cano (51) - .200 12 4 12 1

He rose his average to .200 finally. That's a good thing. Cano has less RBI than Asdrubal Cabrera who has no power whatsoever and is hitting .175. That's how bad Cano has been this season.

Justin Verlander (56) - 2-7 0 40 5.61 1.41

He finally picked up a win in his last start but everything about Verlander has been much worse than expected. He has 7 losses a miserable WHIP and ERA and he only has 40 Ks in two months.

Roy Oswalt (63) - 4-4 0 49 5.43 1.43

Oswalt is similar to Verlander with slightly better numbers but with much more injury risk.

Gary Sheffield (88) - .180 12 2 8 3

It's late May, Josh Hamilton has over 50 RBI, Gary Sheffield doesn't even have double digits. How pathetic is that?

Brad Hawpe (97) - .231 16 3 17 0

Hawpe is also typically better in the second half of the season, so I would actually go out and try to convince his owners to part way with a player who has been so terrible the opening two months.

Numbers as of Wednesday Afternoon

How much do you have to pay for garbage on MLB.com from players no longer with that team? Test you're ability to name that price.

A Journey into the Mind of Mike D'Antoni

...And that means the Chicago Bulls will have the #1 pick in the 2008 NBA Draft.

"Aww fuck are you god damn kidding me? The Bulls got the god damn #1 pick? That's not fair, why the hell didn't they tell me the NBA was rigging the lottery for them? I gotta deal with Stephon Marbury and trying to get fat ass Eddy Curry in shape and the fucking Bulls have the #1 pick in the god damn draft? Why? Why does the god damn NBA hate me?

Ok ok Mike calm down. It's ok, Beasley and Rose aren't that good. We're just in it for getting under the cap and luring Lebron to New York anyway, who cares about the #1 pick. Fuck who am I kidding this shit blows.

Ok ok, mental imagery time. Think about your first check. 6 million 6 million 6 million 6 million dollars each year. Ok ok, I think I'm better.

Man I want to kick that Bulls guy in the fucking groin.

I need something to drink."

End of the Journey into the Mind of Mike D'Antoni

Nintendo recently released the Wii Fit, which of course is designed to give you a way to have an at home workout and a general fun experience. Along the way to making yourself fit it tracks many things including your progress, what you've accomplished and your Body Mass Index. Telling someone their Body Mass Index isn't always a good idea, especially when you tell a 10 year old that she is obese. Typically, 10 year olds who are a bit hefty have to deal with classroom ridicule, automating that ridicule is something they just don't need.

The funny part about all of this is how irrelevant and how dated BMI measurements are. I personally am 5 foot 8 (stupid mother gave me the short gene) and somewhere between 165 and 170 pounds. I go to the gym 4 or 5 times a week, play softball / bball / flag football something year round. I consider myself to be in good shape. Other than my alcohol intake and the occasional shitty dining on the weekend I eat healthy as well. Yet when you plug in my BMI, I am considered overweight.

So lets take a look at some athletes to see how they stack up and just how poorly their bodies are.

Lisa Leslie: 6'5, 170: 20.2 Normal
Tayshaun Prince: 6'9, 215: 23.0 Normal
Diana Taurasi: 6'0, 172: 23.3 Normal
Roger Federer: 6'1 177: 23.3 Normal
Tiger Woods: 6'1, 185: 24.4 Normal (I have a difficult time believing either of Tiger or Federer's listed weight)
Michael Jordan: 6'6 216: 25.0 Overweight
Kevin Garnett: 6'11, 253: 25.8 Overweight
Lebron James: 6'8, 240: 26.4 Overweight
Tom Brady: 6'4 225: 27.4 Overweight
David Eckstein: 5'7 177: 27.7 Overweight (That 177 might be a lie)
David Ortiz: 6'4, 230: 28.0 Overweight (That 230 might be a lie)
Alex Rodriguez: 6'3 225: 28.1 Overweight
John Daly: 5'11 220: 30.7 Obese (220 in his dreams)
Shaq: 7'1 325: 31.6 Obese
Glenn Dorsey: 6'3 303: 38.9 Obese

Ok, maybe John Daly is obese, but Lebron, Jordan, KG and Arod are all overweight? That's a pretty laughable measurement system right there.

This kick got Fiorentina a spot in the 08/09 Champions League ahead of perennial power AC Milan as it lifted them from a 5th place to a 4th place finish in Serie A.

For a clearer view of the kick watch minute 2 of the following video.


Courtesy of the Offside

Here's a little known fact that you may not be aware of, Babe Ruth technically combined to throw a no hitter in 1917 against Boston. And I use the word technically very liberally.

The rest include a pair of no-hitters each by Cy Young and Leonard, but none is as legendary as the no-hitter tossed by Ernie Shore in 1917. Shore, who shared the rotation and was traded to the Yankees with Babe Ruth, cleaned up for Ruth on one summer day in 1917.

Ruth was tossed from a game against the Washington Senators after walking the leadoff hitter, Ray Morgan, and punching the umpire, Brick Owens, squarely in the jaw. In came Shore from the bullpen, and out went Morgan on Shore's second pitch. He was caught stealing.

Shore retired the next 26 batters in order, an accomplishment that was called a perfect game until the 1991 rule changes deemed it a "combined no-hitter."

"In a perfect game," the rules state, "no batter reaches any base during the course of the game" -- a stipulation that counted Morgan's appearance on first, and Ruth's appearance on the mound, against Shore's effort. MLB.com

After a single batter Babe Ruth was so pissed off at the umpire that he popped him square in the jaw. That is completely awesome. Why does this not ever happen in our society today? Have we lost all ability for humorous overblown temper tantrums?

Over the past week or so some of you may have noticed that I've been including lots of quizes on the site. I like testing my knowledge on sports so I in turn liked making the quizes. So I've made a bunch over the past week and have them typically posted at 11:11. Well, good ole technology has seemingly kicked me in the groin and wasted hours of my time as now it appears as if the site has blew up all of the questions of all of my quizes. Massive Kick in the Nuts...

Let us peel the names from a given lineup for which winning is expected.

1. .250 Batting Average with a .333 On Base %, 5 SBs & 2 CS

2. .280 Batting Average with 2 SB & 3 CS and 18 Runs in 43 games

3. 2 Home Runs & 21 RBI in 38 games

4. .304 with 20 RBI in 41 games

5. .191 with a .357 OBP over 36 games

6. .204 with a .256 OBP and 12 RBI & 12 Runs in 43 games

7. .255 with a .317 OBP and 6 Home Runs in 42 games

8. .237 with 1 RBI and 4 Runs scored in 17 games

9. .207 with 3 RBI and 7 Runs in 27 games

That of course is the current Yankees lineup, the current Yankees A lineup with no substitutes in other than a possible flip flop at 3B of Betemit (.267) or Ensberg (.214) rather than Alberto Gonzalez (.237). You just aren't going to win many baseball games when you put together a lineup with no power, limited speed, and a lineup hole 5 spots long. And that isn't even including Damon who's hitting .250. Thus after you get passed the Abreu, Jeter & Matsui trio the rest of the lineup is itting .255 or below. That isn't going to get it done.

Catalog of SimonOnSports Trivia

Because me being right so rarely seems to happen recently, I would like to harp on correct analysis from a couple of months ago. After the Cavs made their big 4 person trade I said that everybody was completely overrating Ben Wallace and that if anything the only improvements the Cavs got in that trade were Joe Smith and Delonte West. I said that Ben Wallace was not a very good basketball player and would do little to improve the Cavs, and I was completely right.

In 7 games against the Celtics Ben Wallace never cracked double digits in anything. In 7 games he only had two 9 rebound games and only totaled 41 rebounds in the 7 games. He additionally never scored 10 or more points in a game. He scored 9 once and only scored 22 points the entire series. In game 7 he scored 3 points and grabbed 4 rebounds in nearly 30 minutes on the court. These are pitiful numbers. Does anybody honestly think Drew Gooden would have done worse? In the 2007 Finals in which the Cavs were swept Gooden had double digit points in all 4 games and double digit rebounds in 2 of the 4 games. He's a better basketball player than Ben Wallace.

The next highly spoke of player in the deal was Wally Szczerbiak, he scored in double figures in 5 of the 7 games and played some solid defense against Ray Allen. But what did he do in the most crucial game of the season? He laid a massive goose egg. Zero points, nada, nothing. 0-3 with 1 rebound and 2 turnovers. He played tremendous.

And the next player Joe Smith? He didn't do much in the series either. He had one game of double figures, game 3 when he scored 17 points in a Cavs blowout. He never grabbed more than a six rebounds in a game and never had more than a single assist in a game. In game 7 Smith had 6 points and 6 rebounds, not exactly game altering numbers.

The only player who had real impact on this series from the trade was the biggest after thought in the media Delonte West. West put together two 20+ point games and played over 40 minutes in each of the last three games. In the final game he had 15 points and 5 assists, both numbers were better than all the combined totals of Smith, Wally and Ben.

The biggest problem with this trade is that is was really a win now trade. Ben Wallace is not going to get any better. He will never be good on offense and his defense and rebounding are on the decline and he's signed for two more years at 14+ million dollars per. Wally only has the 08-09 season on the books but that is for 13 million dollars. Thus, the Cavs have absolutely no flexibility once again when it comes to roster maneuverability, meaning for two more seasons the Cavs roster will be the piano on Lebron's back weighing him down.

If the world determined social class strictly on common sense than the International Association of Athletics Federations(IAAF) has taken a leap from the homeless to a lower income household in the past few days. See at one point in time they decided that somehow someway it was a benefit for a runner to be without legs. They deemed that the U shaped Carbon Fiber blades worn by amputee runners were more efficient than actual legs and thus they ruled any amputee wanting to compete against full bodied individuals with these legs as ineligible. Apparently, they wanted them to run with a wooden peg, or stitch on an actual human leg in order to compete.

Well, the IAAF based on the case of Oscar Pistorius, a double amputee runner from South Africa decided to take a new vote on whether or not they should allow him to qualify and compete in the Beijing Olympics. And shockingly enough the people on this committee showed some common sense and will allow a man who has obvious gone through a lot without the use of legs to live his dream, if he can make the team.

So, just to wrap up I am glad the IAAF has been intelligent enough to rule that it actually isn't a benefit to be without legs, even if these obvious conclusion took them years to come to.

Courtesy of the Fanhouse

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of Tmags, Hot Clicks, Out In Center Field, The Offside, With Leather, Walk Off Walk, 101 Great Goals, Big League Stew, Playing For Peanuts, Grand National Champs


Fake Scalabrine raps are lame.


Whatever, I know I'm a dork.


Hopefully Okajima blows his entire salary at the craps table.


He was never good at that think fast game.


http://view.break.com/501813 - Watch more free videos
Good Night Scrotum.


Hey Jason you have a song so start hitting the god damn ball for my fantasy team.


Soccer Matches are Safe & Fun for the Family.


I guess it comes as no surprise that Millar led this garbage.


I would have expected Backman to drop the F bomb atleast 5 more times.


And this is why Youtube isn't always a good thing.

Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

It's for these stories to die it's time for me to not turn on my television or radio station and listen to people chronicling every minute detail of Homo & Simpson's relationship or of Matt Walsh and spygate. These stories are no longer in need of 24/7 coverage, they're in need of fading into the background only to be brought up in the case of some ridiculous new revelation.

For instance these stories would be acceptable news for the Homo & Simpson relationship. Certainly not a potential breakup, they've done that about 7 times already, rather it would be acceptable news and entertaining news if there was a Homo interview in which he disclosed that Jessica Simpson only allows anal sex because she doesn't want to loosen her other parts. Now that would be newsworthy, that would be entertaining. Not, hey look at Tony and Jessica on a date. Wow they're in public and not living in a Bubble, who gives a crap.

These stories would be acceptable for Spygate. Bill Belichick caught setting up voyeur cameras in the Road Locker room which he uses to give insult jokes for players on his staff. For instance, a potential conversation he could have with Richard Seymour.

"Hey Richard, I checked out the Jets locker room tape and not only does D'Brickashaw Ferguson have an incredibly small penis for a 6 foot 4 African American, but it looked like he intentionally dropped the soap in the shower multiple times looking for his fellow lineman to take advantage of him prison scene style. He almost looked disappointed and depressed when he left the shower."

Now breaking that story would be entertaining and newsworthy. Not rehashing over and over again that the Patriots taped teams signals. No kidding, we've known this for almost a full year.

So please media, can we just let these stories die until we actually get something that is at the very least relatively interesting.

Catalog of All SimonOnSports Trivia

Your fantasy teams pitching bringing you down? Are you ranked last in ERA and second to last in wins with a miserable K rate. Do you have CC Fatassia letting you down or Brett Myers getting rocked every other start? Did you draft Rich Hill for his 180+ Ks and High 3 ERA only to see him get sent to the minors after a start that last 2/3 of an inning? Did you pick up Andrew Miller only to drop him before he started pitching like a top Prospect?

Did you draft an injured all star to come save the day? Will John Lackey be your fantasy Angel? He certainly better be mine.

Hey Nelson, you might want to check the paperwork faxed to you or check that voice mail the Mets just left you. You are no longer a Met. They designated you for assignment. Whoops.

The All Star Team Voting is currently up and running, but what if you were to create and All Cheap All Star Team for each league. Meaning keep the 25 man roster at the Marlins payroll ($21,811,500) or under but you must use at least one person per team. All salaries taken from Cot's Contracts.

Lineup (7.40493 million)

C:Mike Napoli, .425 million, LAA Angels: Unlike the National League, the American League lacks very good young underpaid catchers. Napoli was chosen as start over Kurt Suzuki cause he at least has power.

1B:Kevin Youkilis, 3 million, Boston Red Sox: Youk is leading the AL in OPS and thus gets on the list despite the 3 million dollar salary which makes him the highest paid AL Cheap All Star.

2B:Ian Kinsler, .5 million, Texas Rangers: Kinsler has stepped right back into the groove this season after his breakout campaign in 2007.

3B:Alex Gordon, .406 million, Kansas City Royals: Formerly the #1 prospect in baseball is quietly putting together a solid season.

SS:Erick Aybar, .415 million, LAA Angels: SS is another highly suspect position for youth in the American league as Erick Aybar numbers don't exactly jump off the paper.

OF:Josh Hamilton, $396,830, Texas Rangers: The man has 43 RBIs already. 43.

OF:Carlos Quentin, .4 million, Chicago White Sox: Basically dumped by the Diamondbacks in the off season in favor of Justin Upton, Quentin is showing why he was once talked about as a future all star.

OF: BJ Upton, .4121 million, Tampa Bay Rays: Like his brother is amongst the brightest and most underpaid stars in major league baseball.

DH:Casey Kotchman, 1.45 million, LAA Angels: Kotchman took awhile to start living up to the hype but so far in 2008 he's been amongst the best first baseman in the AL.

Bench (1.702 million)

BN:Kurt Suzuki, .395 million, Oakland A's: You need a backup catcher on baseball teams so Suzuki gets on it cause, well he actually plays unlike other cheap options.

BN:Carlos Gomez, .395 million, Minnesota Twins: The lone Twins rep is here for his blinding speed.

BN:Nick Markakis, .455 million, Baltimore Orioles: Markakis is the one player on the Orioles that they can build a franchise around.

BN:Dustin Pedroia, .457 million, Boston Red Sox: Pedroia is going to hit .300 with about 8 home runs every year for the foreseeable future.

Starting Pitching (4.6875 million)

SP:Zack Greinke, 1.4 million, Kansas City Royals:Now that Greinke has his head screwed on straight all he does is get outs.

SP:Joe Saunders, .425 million, LAA Angels: Was fighting for a rotation spot before the preseason injuries, now he's got 6 wins.

SP:Ervin Santana, .42 million, LAA Angels: Maybe Ervin just needed someone to tell him that he was still in LA everytime he took the ball on the road.

SP:Shaun Marcum, .4025 million, Toronto Blue Jays: Marcum is completely flying under the national radar, but he's been the Blue Jays best pitcher this season.

SP:James Shields, 1 million, Tampa Bay Rays: Had his breakout season last year and is again leading the Rays rotation.

SP:Felix Hernandex, 0.54 million, Seattle Mariners: The King is the Mariners best and basically only good young and underpaid player.

SP:Fausto Caromona, 0.5 million, Cleveland Indians: Got a big contract extension but for the time being is still only making a half a mill.

Relief Pitching (2.54145 million)

RP:Jonathan Papelbon, .775 million, Boston Red Sox: Papelbon gave the Sox a big time home town discount the last time he signed his name to a piece of paper.

RP:Joakim Soria, .4265 million, Kansas City Royals: Soria has yet to give up a run this season, so he's been pretty dominant.

RP:Bobby Jenks, .55 million, Chicago White Sox: You would have figure Jenks would have gotten a big pay raise by now, but nope not yet.

RP:Joba Chamberlain, .39 million, New York Yankees: The only Yankee young hurler to not suck this season.

RP:Aquilino Lopez, .4 million, Detroit Tigers: Nobody on the Tigers is underpaid right now. Even their young studs with low salaries (Granderson, Verlander, Zumaya) have either been injured or stunk or both the entire season. Thus Lopez gets the nod despite being in mid relief as he has 2 wins and a 2.01 ERA.

Total Team Salary = 16.33593 million

NL Roster

The All Star Team Voting is currently up and running, but what if you were to create and All Cheap All Star Team for each league. Meaning keep the 25 man roster at the Marlins payroll ($21,811,500) or under but you must use at least one person per team. All salaries taken from Cot's Contracts.

Lineup (5.142 million)

C:Brian McCann, .8 million, Atlanta Braves: Once again raising his average to over .300 while providing solid power numbers.

1B:Adrian Gonzalez, .75 million, San Diego Padres: His contract has an exponential like increase over the next few years, but for this season the smooth hitting first baseman is still making under a million.

2B: Dan Uggla, .417 million, Florida Marlins: Uggla is a streaky power hitter, but during the Marlins latest hot streak he has been crushing the ball.

3B:Edwin Encarnacion, .45 million, Cincinnati Reds: 3B was struggling for low paid players especially given Zimmermans poor play, so Encarnacion was taken over the Kouz. Flip a coin on that one.

SS:Hanley Ramirez, .439 million, Florida Marlins: Got the contract extension but still listed as receiving under a half mill for this season.

OF:Matt Kemp, .406 million, LA Dodgers: Finally the Dodgers have wised up and played Kemp every day in the outfield and his is raking.

OF:Nate McClouth, .425 million, Pittsburgh Pirates : Had to compete for the starting job in spring training, but afterwards had amongst the best opening months in the league.

OF:Ryan Braun, .455 million, Milwaukee Brewers: Last years rookie of the year is starting to heat up once again.

DH:Justin Upton, 1 million, Arizona Diamondbacks: The Youngest player in the starting lineup and the highest paid player as well. Living the dream.

Bench (3.9665 million)

BN:Geovany Soto, .401 million, Chicago Cubs: Could arguably be placed ahead of McCann and onto the starting lineup.

BN:Conor Jackson, .4195 million, Arizona Diamondbacks: Finally starting to live up to all that hype.

BN:Brandon Phillips, 2.75 million, Cincinnati Reds: The roster had a bunch of wiggle room to get under the Marlins cap so Phillips despite his multiple million dollar contract was accepted.

BN:Hunter Pence, .396 million, Houston Astros: The Astros don't have too many underpaid players, so Pence despite his slow start is on the roster.

Starting Pitching (3.0425 million)

SP:Edinson Volquez, .3925 million, Cincinnati Reds: Currently the most dominate pitcher in the majors.

SP:Cole Hamels, .5 million, Philadelphia Phillies: A

SP:John Maine, .45 million, New York Mets: Really the only good Met that doesn't have a massive contract.

SP:Tim Lincecum, .405 million, San Francisco Giants: Tiny Tim is pretty much unhittable.

SP:Adam Wainwright, .5 million, St. Louis Cardinals: Has fully taken over the role of staff ace for the Cardinals.

SP:Jair Jurrjens, .39 million, Atlanta Braves: Traded for Renteria in the off season Triple Js has been arguably the best Braves pitcher this season.

SP:Scott Olson, .405 million, Florida Marlins: Putting the off the field problems behind him and starting to pitch up to his potential.

Relief Pitching (2.9125 million)

RP:Matt Capps, .5 million, Pittsburgh Pirates: Capps has been a dominant closer on a bad team for awhile.

RP:Brian Wilson, .3925 million, San Francisco Giants: Getting double digit saves for the saves for the Giants for the season would have been surprising never mind having that many already.

RP:Jon Rauch, $1.2 million, Washington Nationals: Closers for bad teams are a theme here.

RP:Carlos Marmol, .43 million, Chicago Cubs: Put in the setup up role partly due to the Wood mystique, Marmol has been one of the most dominate relievers in the league thus far.

RP:Taylor Buchholz, .399 million, Colorado Rockies: With most of the young players on the Rockies either injured or already have received their pay raise, Buchholz is their representative as he is amongst the league leaders in holds.

Total Team Salary = 15.0725 million

AL Roster

If you're currently leading the ACC in Home Runs, RBIs and Batting Average and you play catcher I'd imagine that scouts would pretty much be all over you daily. That because of those skills and the position you play that being drafted high wouldn't be something you would need to worry about.

But I guess there's always something else you can do to improve your draft standing and FSU Coach Mike Martin had just the idea. Why not show a players versatility in the field and play him at every single position during a 7 inning game. And thus Buster Posey was given the opportunity very few people ever have. He played Catcher in the First, First in the Second, Second in the Third, SS in the Third, Third in the Fifth, LF and RF in the 6th and CF and Pitcher in the 9th. And if that wasn't enough he hit a grand slam.

The negative of this of course showing up the other team. The Seminoles were playing Savannah St. and dominated them in a 10-0 defeat. Would FSU and Mike Martin have utilized this idea against a powerhouse opponent? I doubt it, but against a team they knew they would pummel it's ok.

Humorously Martin has done this three times before, the last being with his son Mike Jr. I wonder why he wanted to show that player off to scouts.

Courtesy of ESPN

Last night I turned on the Mets game because Lastings Milledge was up with the bases loaded and I was hoping to see Milledge get some revenge on his former club. During the at bat at first you could here a chant coming from some corner of Shea stadium but what was the chant and for who? Then the cameras panned to the Nats dugout and their was none other than Elijah Dukes leading a cheer for his teammate. He lead the team in a repeated Milly [clap clap] Milly [clap clap], the Nats essentially looked like an exuberant Little League team. To my evaporating memory it was the first time I had ever seen a Big League club engage in such a chant, but its the Nationals it isn't very surprising. But to Nelson Figueroa the Mets Pitcher it was both surprising and unacceptable.

"They were cheerleading in the dugout like a bunch of softball girls," the beleaguered Mets right-hander said after getting stomped in a 10-4 loss to the Nationals last night. "If that's what a last-place team needs to do to fire themselves up, so be it. They need to show a little more class and professionalism."

"They won tonight, but in the long run they are still who they are," Figueroa said. "Even for the manager and the coaching staff to let that stuff carry on, it's truly unprofessional." FOXSPORTS

Ok, Nelson let's try to be a bit more bitter after a defeat. First off there's nothing wrong with cheering on your teammates, it's not unprofessional and it certainly isn't classless. And they are who they are? Sure the Nationals stink, we know this they know this. They aren't going to go out and win the division, but who the hell are you to talk. You have been out of the Majors since 2004, you are currently pitching for the Mets solely because Pedro and El Duque are on the DL. Unlike you many of the players on the Nationals actually have much more big league experience than you, some of them even have made all star teams. And they just beat the crap out of you. How about you just shut up after a loss. Thanks.

Kei Igawa is a delicious blend of horrible pitcher and awkward looking human being. He is the epitome of the Yankees free agent pitching signing struggles of the past. And thus should be made fun of.

Pre-Game Routine

Kei: Horo Corch, I pitch today. I make good on money make batter no hit ball make you keep me.

Girardi: Ok Kei. All we want you to do is pitch 5 innings and not give up 5 runs. Do you think you can do that Kei?

Kei: Sure, I pitch good in Scronton, make win 3 games no make ERA over 4. Me pitch good today.

Girardi: Alright, Kei just throw strikes.

Kei: OK Corch.

Joe Girardi walks over to talk to the pitching coach, Mike Harkey.

Girardi: How's he look Harks?

Harkey: Honestly? He looks like a little leaguer

Girardi: That's what I figured.

In Game

Kei: Hooray Corch, I run to mound now and pitch super great awesome. How I look in my sunglass? Am I intermidiating?

Girard: Huh?

Kei: Intirmidating...

Girardi: Umm, yah very intimidating.

Kei: Yar you know I scary, me strike out guy now.

After 1st inning, Igawa gives up one run on two hits.

Kei: Corch Corch Corch?

Girardi: Yes Kei.

Kei: I give up 1 run. New record for me.

Girardi: That's great Kei.

After the 2nd, when Igawa gets a 1 2 3 inning

Kei: Corch Corch, One Two Free. You see? I make outs.

Girardi: Good job Kei.

Kei: Yay, Corch say good job Kei. Horrray.

After the 3rd, when Igawa gives up 3 runs after a leadoff error by Derek Jeter

Kei: Corch, why Jeter make error? Me got sad, could not pitch well. Needed tissue. Me ok now, me go pitch well next inning.

Girardi: Yep that was exactly it Kei.

After Kei gives up 2 more runs in the 4th Girardi goes to the mound for the ball.

Girardi: Alright Kei, you're gonna have to get 'em next time.

Kei: Err Corch, why do they hit everything? They no miss ever. They just hit and hit and hit. No Japanese hit and hit and hit. No Scronton hit and hit and hit. But Tiger hit and hit and hit. I no understand. They only swung and miss two time. I pitch 4 inning and they miss two time.

Girardi: Yes, ok Kei go into the dug out and please don't talk to anyone. Or even look at anyone.

Kei: Ok Corch, Sowwy Corch.

The End

The Blue Jays for the past decade have been the third wheel of the division mostly due to holes in their roster. This list shows many of these holes from year to year that have kept them looking up at Boston and New York yearly.

Lineup (min. 100 games)

C:Darrin Fletcher 2001:.226 Batting Average with a .274 On Base % and only 36 runs scored in 416 at bats.

1B:Lyle Overbay 2007: .240 average with only 10 home runs and 44 RBI in 425 at bats for the usually reliable and consistent Overbay.

2B:Carlos Garcia 1997:.220 with an OPS of .562 and only 3 homers and 23 rbi in 350 at bats.

3B:Ed Sprague 1997:.228 with an On Base % of .306 and only 48 rbi in 504 at bats.

SS:John McDonald 2006:.223 average with a .271 On Base % and a miserable .308 Slugging Percentage is the reason why McDonald isn't an everyday player.

OF:Alexis Rios 2005:.262 batting average with a .306 Batting Average and only 10 homers over 481 at bats.

OF:Vernon Wells 2007:Typically Wells is an awesome baseball player, but last year he sucked. He hit 16 homers in 584 at bats, but with a .245 average and a .304 on base percentage.

OF:Jose Cruz 2002: .245 average .317 on base % and 106 Ks in 466 at bats.

DH:Jose Canseco 1998:.237 batting Average and a .318 On Base % and Infiltrated the Clubhouse with Steroids.

BN:Eric Hinske 2003: .243 with 104 Ks in 449 at bats.

BN:Russ Adams 2005:.256 batting average with a .325 On Base %.

BN:Craig Grebeck 1998:.256 with an OPS of .673 and only 2 home runs and 27 rbi in 301 at bats.

BN:Alex Gonzalez 1998: .239 average with a .281 On Base % and only 51 RBI over 568 at bats.

Starting Pitching (min. 18 starts)

SP:Chris Carpenter 2000:6.26 ERA with 12 losses in 27 games prior to blowing out his elbow and eventually becoming one of the best pitchers in major league baseball.

SP:Cory Lidle 2003: 15 losses over 31 starts with an ERA of 5.75.

SP:Esteban Loaiza 2002:Loaiza has pitched for so many teams you forget he posted a 9-10 record with a 5.71 ERA for the Blue Jays back in 02.

SP:Joey Hamilton 1999:7-8 with a 6.52 ERA in 18 starts.

SP:Josh Towers 2006:I'm bending my own rules a bit here (only had 12 starts) but Towers started as the teams 4th starter and posted a 8.42 ERA and lost 10 games in 12 starts.

Relief Pitching (min. 25 appearances)

RP:Tim Crabtree 1997:7.08 ERA in 37 appearances with 3 wins, 2 losses and 2 saves. 65 hits and 17 walks over 40 2/3 innings pitched.

RP:Pedro Borbon 2000: 6.48 ERA and 38 walks in 41 2/3 innings.

RP:Dan Plesac 1999: 8.34 ERA and 3 losses in 30 appearances and 22 2/3 innings pitched.

RP:Scott Schoeneweis 2006:He's been Met bullpen enemy #1 for the past two seasons but before that he was hated in Toronto posting a 6.51 ERA over 55 appearances.

RP:Kerry Ligtenberg 2004: The former Braves closer flamed out of the league following his 6.38 ERA and 6 losses for the Jays in 55 innings pitched.

RP:Tanyon Sturtze 2003: Before Sturtze became victim #256 of Joe Torre's bullpen abuse, he was a bad pitcher for many teams including the Blue Jays when in 03 he posted a 5.94 ERA while mostly coming out of the pen.

CL:Billy Koch 2001: The end of Billy Koch's awesomeness as a Blue Jay came in 2001 when his ERA balooned to 4.80 and he was shipped out of town.

All Crap Team Index

A couple of weeks ago I wrote that Mike D'Antoni seemingly had brain damage when he was noted as considering the Knicks job. Well I'm here to repent and say, you're right you're smart, I'm wrong, I'm an idiot. And why? Money, Money, Money... Money.

For any head coaching job there are only a handful of key factors. Talent, Fan Expectation Levels (pressure), Winning Timetable, GM talent & fit, and money. Some of these factors intertwine and effect the others but this is what a coach must think about when deciding between two different positions. In looking at the three available jobs for D'Antoni the only thing the Knicks lag behind in is talent, and it might not be as far behind as you expect.

Talent Level

The Suns obviously have the most talent. They are a perennial playoff team with a dominate scoring big man (Amare), the best offensive point guard in the league (Steve Nash), a great scoring 6th man (Barbaso) and a bunch of significant role players (yes I'm saying Shaq is a role player). The Bulls have a bunch of young talented but overrated players. Deng, Hughes, Gordon, Hinrich, Tyrus Thomas, Noah, & Gooden all are decent players near their prime but no one is a superstar. No player on that roster could emulate what Steve Nash did. The Knicks on the other hand have low post scoring with Randolph & Curry, some perimeter skills with Crawford, a hustle player in Lee and a potential top 3 pick in the draft.

Fan Expectation Levels

The fans in Phoenix aren't going to kill a coach if they don't win a title, probably cause they never have to deal with the bitter winter, but they want to win now and would be disappointed with another playoff exit. Bulls fans are confused as hell as to why their team which showed so much potential two seasons ago has gone to crap the last two seasons. They will expect their coach to immediately turn it around. Knicks fans are just pleased to see someone other than Isiah on the bench. If they make the playoffs they will be thrilled.

Winning Timetable

This is pretty much a combination of Fan Expectations and GM expectations. In Phoenix its win now & and the clock is ticking. The trade for Shaq means that the Suns window has either passed or is very limited. The Bulls aren't expected to contend for a title but their GM and Fans expect them to be as good as the Cavs and fend for the division title. The Fans and GM of the Knicks expect the Knicks to suck for a few years and then get good. There is no pressure in that and there is job security in fans and gms being aware of reality.

GMs

It's obvious that D'Antoni and Kerr were not on the same page right now. In Chicago it's likely that Paxson works similar to Kerr and could potentially have the same issues with D'Antoni that Kerr did. In New York, everyone respects Donny Walsh and he is more of a laid back get the team together and let the coach coach.

Money

The vast majority of us won't ever see a paycheck of 3 million dollars for a single year so people have a tendency to say 'why take the worse job at 6 million when you can have a better one at 3 million?'. Why because it's 3 god damn million dollars a year, it's doubling your potential salary in a spot that arguably has more job security do to decreased expectations. 3 million dollars a year is a lot of money, 6 million dollars a year is a lot more money. Money is good. Money makes the Knicks job, which arguably isn't worse than the Bulls job in basketball terms, a much more appealing job.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of Fanhouse, Deadspin, RizzoSports, FanIQ, Bugs & Cranks, AA, Ball Don't Lie, With Leather, The Offside


I probably would have passed on this idea.


Looks like a Phi Gam party, with less Jimbo urinating on furniture.

Can You Guess Which NBA Player still ballin in the postseason these playoff scruffs belong to? (answers)

Tom Grieve, the Rangers Analyst, should do stand up.

Courtesy of the Fanhouse

Can You Guess Which NBA Player still ballin in the postseason these hair dos belong to? Hint it isn't Kobe Bryant. (answers)

Remember when Joe Girardi was hired and everyone was ranting and raving about how smart he was and how he went to Engineering School and how he was a brilliant manager. I made the point back then that myself and all of my fellow engineer friends that I went to college with are for the most part idiots.

Well despite us being idiots I do not think any of us would ever come to the conclusion that hitting Shelley Duncan in the cleanup spot of a major league roster was a good idea. I don't care how many people are injured for the Yankees there are better options than putting a Quadruple A player in the 4 spot of the lineup. He was sent down to the minors in April for a reason, he wasn't good enough to be imperative to the club success. He's hitting below .200 right now has no home runs and has a single rbi in his 26 at bats. Last year in his 74 at bats he hit .257 with an OPS of .883. Granted he hit some clutch home runs last year, but he isn't that good.

Please Joe stop smashing your forehead on the dugout wall when making the lineup card.

These were my original seats, behind the plate Section 4 Row S Seat 2. Not exactly foul ball territory, in fact no one even came close to blasting a foul pop up directly behind the plate the entire game.


These were my seats during the bottom of the ninth inning. We moved directly down basically sat behind the plate but to the left of the net, leaving us open to foul balls.


This is me zooming in with my camera phone to take a picture of Hideki Matsui leading off the bottom of the 9th against Cleveland Closer, Rafael Betancourt. This was taken a single pitch prior to Matsui fouling a ball directly to the left (from my vantage point) of the screen. A foul ball hit directly at my face. A foul ball which I put up my left and and only my left hand to catch because I still had the phone in my right hand. A foul ball which my cousin was also eager to attempt to catch, so eager as to cross in front of my sister in order to catch. A foul ball which ricocheted off his fingers and then my left hand. A foul ball that ended up in the possession of someone else.

Rich Hill couldn't control his pitches. He was walking hitters an alarming rate, he was pissing off his manager to no end. So Sweet Lou decided it was best for the ball club and for Hill to have Hill work out his stuff in the minors for a few starts allowing the Cubs to pitch someone with the ability to throw strikes. This despite the fact that Hill still had an ERA in the low 4s.

Well, Hill got his first start last night in Iowa, throwing 5 innings while giving up 7 hits, 2 runs and walking 1 batter. Certainly not stellar but the walks were down and the runs weren't plentiful. The same can not be said for his replacements in Cincinnati this afternoon. In 2 innings Jon Lieber surrendered 5 runs on 4 home runs. His replacement Shawn Marshall gave up two solo homers in 2 innings. And his replacement Sean Gallagher gave up a 2 run homer during his 2 inning stint.


Correct me if I am wrong but you would rather have your pitcher give up 6 walks than give up 6 homers right?

Before Hill left for the minors Lieber had this to say to him:

"Jon Lieber told me to go down to Iowa, work on what I need to work on, and get back to Chicago as soon as I can," Des Moines Register

That's probably a good idea, I don't think Jon Lieber even wants Jon Lieber in the starting rotation.

Can you Name these Bald Domes still sweating it up on the court in the playoffs? (Answers)

~Basically my brain is not functioning enough right now to put together a large portion of a single coherent thought so its time to just spit out a bunch of opinion on a lot of crap so I actually make a post today.

NBA

~The Celtics game, which I thankfully missed the majority of thanks to a delicious final, was stunningly boring. I hate when people say that a game was a well defended game when its quite obvious that many players did not bring their A game, hell some players didn't even bring their C game to the arena. Seemingly the only players that cared to show up last night were Big Z, KG and the Fish Alien.

~Why did the Fish Alien pretend like that knee hurt him? We all know his head is actually made of a material similar to a Tempur-Pedic mattress, it absorbs all of the applied it.

~For all the excitement that Lebron should generate in a basketball game, I just can't get into Cav games. His surrounding roster is so putrid that it takes away from the aesthetics of the game. The pace the squad plays is equally detrimental to my enjoyment.

~Perhaps its my current residence in Connecticut and my lack of day to day viewing of the Celtics or perhaps its my initial bitterness following the dismissal of Big Al from the roster, but I am still finding it very difficult to make a connection with this team. I know it's been a full season and by now I should be used to seeing Garnett and Allen and the Fish Alien in Celtic Green but I don't think I'm fully there yet.

~Chances the Jazz win tonight at the Staples center? Put it at 5%. Chances anybody watches the end of the 4th quarter on the East Coast given the ridiculous 10:30 start time? Put it at .0001%.

~Chances the Pistons win tonight and basically put the nail in the coffin? Put it at 60%. I'll give the Magic a fighting chance to win a game this series.

~Chances the Spurs win their next to home games? Put it at 80%. Sorry but life isn't quite good enough for the NBA to rid of the Spurs that easily.

~If the Food Network does not pick up Charles Oakley's pitch I will be very pissed off.

~Rick Carlisle will do nothing for the Mavericks, and is probably stupid to jump on the sinking ship. The Mavs were stupid the day they made the trade and now will have to scramble to put better and younger pieces around Dirk before it's too late.

~The fact that the NBA rule is to estimate the elapsed time in the case of a clock failure is absurdly hilarious. This will be changed soon enough but for now I really enjoyed the good laugh, although I'm sure Stan Van Gundy did not.

~I'm not quite getting how the Bulls don't have enough money to pay for D'Antoni. You're in one of the top 3 markets in the NBA, you have a solid group of youngsters including a lot of guards who D'Antoni could help mold into one of the best offensive units in the NBA, yet you are unwilling to give him cash? Who are you going to hire instead? Seems very dumb on their part.

~The Knicks should just be done with it and hire Mark Jackson. We all know they want to, why waste time.

~Random 5 foot 8 Jews declaring for the NBA draft are humorous.

MLB

~How exactly does Moises Alou steal home? He's 95 years old right? Wouldn't he injure himself before he actually reached the plate?

~The demise of Albert Pujols this season was greatly exaggerated. He's hitting .355. In addition his game winning play on monday night in which he scored from 2nd base on a ground out was highly intelligent.

~Zito is starting tonight. Chalk the Giants for a loss.

~Joba giving up a home run is A) Not a big deal and B) Not surprising.

~I almost picked up Gavin Floyd this week cause he was a two start pitcher. I didn't. That is how my season is currently going.

~This AROD story is hilarious.

~Headed to the Bronx tonight for Wang vs. Super Cliff Lee. Hopefully I get a pitchers dual rather than a 5 hour slugfest.

NFL

~Apparently Marvin's gun is a certified cop killer / Kevlar piercer. Solid job by Marvin on that one.

~That dumb ass kid took off his Brett Favre jersey, it apparently was his own decision and not his parents. Amazing.

Off Topic

~A gas tax break will do absolutely nothing in the bigger scheme of everything. In fact if Hilary just moves the Gas tax onto the Oil Companies it will be completely useless, as the companies will simply raise their prices for three months. Gas prices are high, they will get higher, it blows and will continue to blow. Deal with it.

~One more final and then a month off from school. Thank the good lord. The final also marks the half way point of my MBA, 10 classes feels like a really really long time.

Unfortunately this couldn't lead West Ham to a tie as they were pounded 4-1, leaving Man U one win away from the Premiership title.

Well, I guess installment payments is atleast better than dropping a 1.5 million dollar check all at once.

Courtesy of WBGV through MGOBlog

It's a little over a month into the season and there are several players throughout major league baseball who have ridiculous starts to the season but somehow someway are flying under the radar.

I AM HITTING .425

My name is Chipper Jones, I am a Hall of Fame baseball player. I am not often healthy but when I do play a lot of games I always rake. I currently am leading major league baseball in batting average, by a lot.

I AM A CATCHER WITH AN OPS OF 1.115

My name is Geovany Soto. Do you even know what team I play for? I am a rookie on the Cubs. I am only 25 years old and currently I am 4th in the league in On Base % and Slugging Percentage and 3rd in OPS. I am currently on a 7 game hitting streak in which 4 of the games were multi hit games.

I AM LEADING THE NL IN RBIs

My name is Lance Berkman. I should have been the NL MVP two years ago, and after an off season last year I am back. I have 10 home runs which puts me 2nd in major league baseball behind Chase Utley. I have have several stolen bases.

WE'RE RAKING IN THE STEEL CITY

Our names are Xavier Nady and Nate McLouth, our team sucks but don't blame us. I, Xavier, am second in the National League in RBI with 30 and 6th in batting average at .346 and I, Nate, am 9th in major league baseball in OPS and 4th in runs scored.

WE'RE 12 AND 0

Our names are Joe Saunders and Ervin Santana, we're teammates. In years past we were battling each other for the 5th spot in the rotation, in reality if both Lackey and Escobar were healthy this season one of us currently wouldn't be pitching. But we are and we haven't lost yet.

I AM LEADING THE NL IN ERA

My name is Edinson Volquez, you may remember me from spring training as the other Reds young starting pitcher. Well, while everyone was praising my teammate Johnny Cueto as the 2nd coming of Pedro Martinez I have gone out and posted a 1.27 ERA. Has anybody noticed me yet? Sure, doesn't seem like it.

I HAVE MORE SAVES THAN TEAMS HAVE WINS

My name is Francisco Rodriguez, I have been a beast for a long time in the bullpen. I'm pretty much unhittable, but after a month I have 13 saves. Three NL teams only have 12 wins and two other teams including the Rangers only have 13 wins.

It's Cinco De Mayo, which unfortunately lands on a miserable monday, but it's time to look at the Mexican baseball players out there and how they will be celebrating their holiday.

Mexicanos Working

Oliver Perez - I don't really know if it's a good idea for Oliver Perez to start on Cinco de Mayo. He doesn't exude work ethic to me. I see him as someone more likely to say eh screw this, if I get rocked I can get some Tequila shots earlier rather than later. Or perhaps he has tequila prior to the game and pitches better. Regardless, he certainly doesn't seem like he should be the only Mexican in Major League Baseball Working today.

Mexicanos Hoping for a Day Off

Joakim Soria - The Royals are playing tonight, but they're playing the red hot Angels with Ervin Santana on the hill against Brett Tomko. Let's just say chances are Soria has a relaxing Cinco de Mayo.

Mexicanos on Siesta

Edgar Gonzalez - He would have started tonight, but he sucked so he was replaced in the rotation by stud rookie Max Scherzer. Oh well, more time for tequila.

Yovani Gallardo - Will be doing nothing after blowing out his knee last week.

Luis Mendoza - On the DL as well, though with a 9.31 ERA I doubt the Rangers miss him.

Alfredo Amezaga - Hitting a slamming .243 for the Marlins. He shall be getting intoxicated as the Marlins do not play today.

Jorge Cantú - He's not completely sucking, but look out this week after the intense hang over is expected tomorrow.

Luis Ayala - Pitching well in the Nats pen but has the night off for a sizzling burrito dinner.

Dennys Reyes - Chillin in the warm weather of Minnesota with the night off.

Jorge Campillo - Chuckin in the pen in Atlanta with the night off, is a night trip to Mexico out of the question? I don't think so.

Oscar Villarreal - Another bullpen guy (does Mexico only produce mediocre relief pitchers?) who has the night off in Houston. That's even closer to Mexico, I think the Astros better watch Villarreal and make sure he doesn't get involved with any tranny hookers on a wild night of celebration.

Esteban Loaiza - Not starting tonight for the Dodgers, and might get his next start skipped anyway, so drink up Esteban.

Jorge de La Rosa - Got a spot start on Saturday for the Rockies, he gave up 9 runs in 4 innings. He might not get any more starts.

Horse Racin

~Big Brown looks like he will dominate the Preakness and lose at the Belmont just like seemingly every other potential Triple Crown winner of the past decade.

~I hate PETA, they are the most ridiculous organization on the planet. First, off it's pretty obvious that the Horse broke its legs after the race, to blame the jockey is completely ridiculous.

~Perhaps part of me is heartless but millions upon millions of animals die every day. I'm sure a ton of horses die every day. Sure it sucks that it happened to a high profile horse on national television during the greatest race in the world. I guess unlike other people I do not get emotionally connected to 'public figure' animals.

~I'm glad I don't gamble on this stuff as I never pick the winners. I chose Pyro, he was closed out by all the other Horses at the start of the race and was immediately screwed. He finished 8th, well out of the money.

~In funnier horse news, War Emblem just doesn't want to screw any more.

NBA

~This is a foul.

~The Celtics series is quite puzzling. They pound the Hawks in every game in Boston but folded in every game in Atlanta. It's a good thing that the Cavs do not have a Robin to Lebrons Batman as the Hawks made it obvious that the C's can't cover two athletic swingmen at the same time. I'd imagine the Celtics get back on the saddle quickly and dismantle the Cavs in game one.

~Let us all hope that the Hornets first game victory over the Spurs is no fluke. However, its difficult to believe this given the fact that Tim Duncan scored 5 points on Saturday night.

~Additionally, let us hope that the Jazz win their home games against the Jazz cause it does not appear as if they will be winning games at the Staples Center.

~Once again series involving the Pistons bore me. The Spurs and the Pistons are teams that never change and have been around for what feels like forever. It would be nice if the Magic could defeat them but I can't picture them winning more than 2 games this series.

MLB

~And the award for biggest fantasy bust pitcher during the opening month of the season goes to... Rich Hill who can't throw strikes. Sweet Lou doesn't like watching people walk so after Hill walked 4 guys in the first inning Sweet Lou not only took the ball out of his hand but gave him the directions to Triple A Iowa. Hill pitched 195 innings last year with an ERA under 4 and 183 Ks. This year he's walked 18 hitters in 19 2/3 innings. Who knows how long he'll be in the minors but he will be universally dropped in leagues without a massive reserve list.

~The Brewers will once again throw Dave Bush every fifth day. This of course was not their choice as their top prospect Yovani Gallardo blew up his ACL in an awkward collision at first. This makes the Brewers playoff run a hell of a lot harder especially with Gagne blowing a couple of saves a week.

~Speaking of questionable closers, Kerry Wood has 4 saves and 3 blown saves.

~Haren vs. Santana yesterday completely lived up to the pitchers dual hype and was a joy to watch. Well, until the Dbacks pulled Haren early for a pinch hitter only to watch them of course not score.

~Ian Kennedy getting sent down means.... Kei Igawa is back. Yay, Kei Igawa super fun happy time. This means that the Igawa built in the same framework as the Scalabrine Watch must start soon.

~Darrell Rasner is nothing more than a very average pitcher.

~The Red Sox revenged their previous sweep against the Rays and now currently have the best record in the AL at 20-13.

NFL

~Do you believe the Cops or Cedric Benson's part of the Boating While Intoxicated story. For some reason I don't believe Cedric.

~I'm guessing that come a couple weeks this whole Marvin Harrison fiasco will be a complete no story.

NHL

~The Rangers lost. There goes my predictions.

~The Sharks lost. There goes the other part of my predictions.

Soccer

~Why must billionaires have the most ridiculous luck on stupid games like roulette. Why can't I just hit it big on something completely random.

~Man U dominated their weekend game and now are one win away from clinching the Premiership title due to that completely lame tie breaker system they have.

The Orioles last playoff appearance came in 1997. The reason? Throughout the past decade they have had some very bad pitchers.

Lineup (min. 100 games)

C:Geronimo Gil 2002: Hit .232 with an On Base % of .270 in 422 at bats.

1B:Kevin Millar 2007: Hit .254 but really didn't suck that bad. The Orioles have had a lot of decent play at 1st in the last decade surprisingly.

2B:Jerry Hairston 2001: Hit .233 with an OPS of .649 and even got caught stealing over 25% of the time.

3B:Tony Batista 2003:The sloppy swinging 3B who is somehow still bouncing around MLB hit .235 with a .270 OBP in 2003.

SS:Mike Bordick 1997: Cal may longer have been able to play SS but Bordick certainly sucked when he replaced him hitting .236 with a .283 OBP and .318 Slugging.

OF:Tony Tarasco 1997: 100 games played spread around the Outfield positions with .205 batting average. He mostly didn't start, but he mostly did suck.

OF:Brady Anderson 2001: Apparently the steroids might have worn off by 2001 as Anderson hit .202 with an on base % of .311 and a miserable slugging % of .300. 8 Home Runs in 436 at bats makes you question that 50 spot a little more.

OF:Sammy Sosa 2005: What looked like a potentially good idea turned out to be a miserable one after Sosa hit only .221 in 102 games played in his lone season in Baltimore.

DH:Chris Richard 2001: Hit .265 and played about a 1/5 of his games at DH. Basically it was tough to find a bad DH for the Orioles who played over 100 games.

BN:Deivi Cruz 2003: 152 games and only 13 walks, which helped boost his on base percentage to .269 only .019 better than his crap average of .250.

BN:Melvin Mora 2001: Hit only .250 with 7 home runs in 436 while mostly patrolling the Outfield.

BN:Jay Payton 2007: 7 Home Runs with an average of .256 and an OBP of .292 in 434 at bats.

BN:Cal Ripken 2001: Sacrilege? No, Ripken really did suck in 2001. He hit .239 with an OPS of .637 in 477 at bats.

Starting Pitching (min. 18 starts)

SP:Sir Sydney Ponson 2005:7-11 with 6.21 ERA over 23 very very fat man starts. How this man was ever knighted by any country is completely unexplainable.

SP:Doug Drabek 1998: Very past his prime as a 35 year old Drabek finished with a 7.29 ERA over 21 starts and a record of 6-11.

SP:Pat Rapp 2000: 9-12 with a 5.90 ERA over 30 starts.

SP:Jose Mercedes 2001:8-17 with an ERA of 5.82 over 31 starts giving up 219 hits and 63 walks over 184 innings.

SP:Rodrigo Lopez 2006: Daniel Cabrera (07) and Rodrigo (06) had very similar seasons but I'll give the edge to Rodrigo and his 5.90 ERA and 9-18 record instead of Cabrera's slightly reduced ERA and 9-18 record.

Relief Pitching (min. 25 appearances)

RP:Danys Baez 2007: Remember when Baez was a dominant closer? Well with his 6.44 ERA in 07 Orioles fans probably erased that imagery from their heads.

RP:Steve Reed 2005: Reed was 40 during the 05 season and apparently should not have been pitching anymore after he finished with a 6.61 ERA over 30 appearances.

RP:Ryan Kohlmeier 2001: I'd imagine this is a name only Orioles fans remember as he played two MLB seasons both with the Orioles and was done with the MLB after his 7.30 ERA in 01.

RP:Norm Charlton 1998: The lefty reliever finished with a 6.94 ERA in 36 appearances.

RP:Mike DeJean 2004:Honey Dijon finished 0-5 with an ERA of 6.13 in 37 appearances.

RP:Jorge Julio 2005: He also had one ridiculous year as a closer before becoming terrible including the worst of the bunch in 05 when he had a 5.90 ERA in 67 appearances.

RP: Bruce Chen 2006: Started 12 games and came out of the pen in 28 more. Finished with a 6.93 ERA and an 0-7 record.

All Crap Team Index

The Part that Mentions the Beatdowns they Receive at the Hands of the SEC in the Title Games.

Sometimes you really have to wonder why people spend money to do national studies that end up in results that everybody already knows. This time a study that comes to the conclusion that over double the percentage of African Americans in comparison to White Americans can't swim. The exact ratio of African Americans that can't swim according to this poll is a quite staggering 58% but do we really need a study to determine this? But fear not typical African American Youth you actually placed ahead of the Hispanic population as on average 66% of Hispanics can not swim. I'd imagine that of the 34% that can a vast majority of them are Cuban, but I could be wrong.

The study basically concludes that more parents need to have their children go to swimming lessons and in return these kids will eventually have their kids take swimming lessons creating a cycle of improved American Swimmers. Well no shit, if you want your kids to be able to swim you should get them lessons. Wow another big time breakthrough.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of Hot Clicks, AA, Going Five Hole, everyone, AA*2, Grand National Champs, ESPIN, Me


Joel Piniero is still pitching?


Poor Aaron Rowand, I hope he recovered.


This was sweet, but apparently hockey is lame and it was illegal.


I wonder if Martin gave the middle finger symbol, at least that's what I used to use when I wanted the pitcher to drill the umpire.


I did this once... I just didn't catch the ball.


This makes me question why I ever liked wrestling as a kid.


3 Minutes just isn't enough time.


I love this shit, you probably don't.

Remember when I made my NBA Predictions? No? Ok then you can leave the page now. If you remember them and want to make fun of me in the comments you can read me evaluate them and judge how it seems that prior to typing I smashed my head against a concrete wall 30 times.

My preseason predicted finish is the first number followed by their actual finish in Parenthesis.

Eastern Conference

1,(2). Detroit Pistons, Central Champs - One spot off... You guys want to stop reading now right? No? Fuck.

2, (15). Miami Heat, Southeast Champs - Ya, soooooo, how the hell was I suppose to know Wade was never going to play and never be healthy and they would tank the season at the end for a better draft pick. Shit, that pick sucked.

3, (1). Boston Celtics, Atlantic Champs - Homerism but apparently not enough.

4, (11). Chicago Bulls - Shit, another crappy frigging pick. Why did the Bulls suck this year? I really don't get how they just plummeted as a team. Their talent didn't change much.

5, (10). New Jersey Nets -Uh... they traded Kidd that's why they didn't finish here. Or they weren't that good all season long.

6, (4). Cleveland Cavs - I underrated the Lebrons.

7, (3). Orlando Magic, (Southeast Champs) - Dwight Howard is a complete beast and if I ran the Magic they would not be this good cause I probably would have drafted Okafor.

8, (8). Atlanta Hawks - Hooray 1 for 15 right. You try besting that percentage.

9, (5). Washington Wizards - Butler is a very good basketball player.

10, (14). New York Knicks - I thought Randolph would help, I was wrong.

11, (6). Toronto Raptors - I didn't expect Calderon to become a beast.

12, (13). Milwaukee Bucks - One spot off isn't bad.

13, (12). Charlotte Bobcats - Ditto.

14 (7). Philadelphia 76ers - They have no really good players, I don't get how they made the playoffs and then won 2 games.

15 (9). Indiana Pacers - Umm, don't ask me what my logic was for them being last.

Western Conference

1 (7). Dallas Mavericks, Southwest Champs - They were up there before they stupidly traded for Kidd.

2 (6). Phoenix Suns, Pacific Champs - They were up there before they stupidly traded for Shaq.

3 (3). San Antonio Spurs - Yay I got one that makes 2. That's it for the day you can stop reading now. Please?

4 (8). Denver Nuggets, Northwest Champs - The AI Melo experiment just isn't working.

5 (5). Houston Rockets - Woah Woah three right ya. Beat that predictors.

6 (4). Utah Jazz, (Northwest Champs) - Only a couple spots off, how was I supposed to know the Jazz would win every single game in Utah.

7 (14). Memphis Grizzlies - Umm, I went with two gambles for playoff teams. The Hawks paid off and the Grizzlies did not.

8 (9). Golden St. Warriors - Just missed out over the last week of getting this right.

9 (1). LA Lakers, (Pacific Champs) - Whatever, I thought they were still going to potentially trade Kobe and I certainly didn't know they were going to get Pau for 10 cents on the dollar.

10 (2). NO/OKC Hornets, (Southwest Champs) - I underrated Chris Paul a lot.

11 (12). LA Clippers - One spot off again isn't bad.

12 (11). Sacramento Kings - Ditto again.

13 (15). Seattle Supersonics - It really wasn't tough to predict the Sonics were going to be bad.

14 (13). Minnesota Timberwolves - Nor was it difficult to predict the T-Wolves to be bad.

15 (10). Portland Trailblazers - Brandon Roy should have been the #1 pick two drafts ago.

Awards Predictions

Coach of the Year: Scott Skiles, Umm he was fired.
Actual Winner: Byron Scott, Ya I was wrong on the Hornets.

Rookie of the Year: Kevin Durant, Wow that was a tough one to get right.

Sixth Man of the Year: Ricky Davis, I apparently was smoking pot when I made my picks.
Actual Winner: Manu Ginobli, why does he count as a 6th man.

Defensive Player of the Year: Gerald Wallace, He didn't finish in the top 3.
Actual Winner: KG, whoops.

Most Improved Player of the Year: Rajon Rondo, He played well and finished 5th so not that bad.
Actual Winner: Hedo Turkoglu, he played out of his mind this season.

Most Valuable Player: Dwayne Wade, The Heat were the worst team in the NBA and he shut it down with many games to go and missed a bunch of other time.
Actual Winner: TBD, whoever it is it won't be Wade.

Go Read This One, It's Actually Funny

~One month down and some teams have built themselves a perch while others have dug themselves a hole. The Diamondbacks have obviously been the best team in baseball thus far. Their pitching staff has been superb, their hitting has been better than expected and even their suspect closer has been lights out. After one month they hold a 5.5 game lead in the division and have outscored their opponents almost 2 runs per game.

~The surprising strong starts thus far into the season are Oakland, St. Louis and Baltimore. I picked each to finish in the basement or on the basement stairs. To me, I can't see any of these teams holding up in the later months.

~The surprising slow starts are Toronto and San Diego. San Diego's problem continues to be the inability to score runs while Toronto is befuddling. They dump the big hurt, Burnett isn't pitching well. I don't know if either team really picks it up enough to make the playoffs.

~For all that I grilled San Fran to start the season they weren't incredibly miserable during the opening month. Sure their offense sucked but they actually scored more runs in the month than the Padres. This will probably not hold up.

~There's a lot of teams a couple games over .500 which of course means that everyone is still in it of course.

Rank	MLB	W	L	PCT	GB	RS	RA	STRK
1	Arizona	20	8	0.714	-	165	109	Won 1
2	LA Angels	18	11	0.621	2.5	140	129	Won 2
3	Boston	17	12	0.586	3.5	136	130	Won 2
4	Chicago Cubs	17	10	0.63	2.5	171	120	Won 1
5	St. Louis	18	11	0.621	2.5	135	104	Won 2
6	Oakland	17	12	0.586	3.5	135	102	Lost 2
7	Milwaukee	15	12	0.556	4.5	126	128	Lost 1
8	NY Mets	14	12	0.538	5	119	118	Lost 1
9	Tampa Bay	15	12	0.556	4.5	130	109	Won 1
10	Philadelphia	15	13	0.536	5	133	122	Lost 1
11	Chicago Sox	14	12	0.538	5	131	105	Lost 2
12	LA Dodgers	14	13	0.519	5.5	137	107	Won 5
13	Florida	15	12	0.556	4.5	121	137	Lost 2
14	Baltimore	15	12	0.556	4.5	116	122	Lost 1
15	Detroit	13	15	0.464	7	142	148	Won 2
16	NY Yankees	14	15	0.483	6.5	125	133	Lost 2
17	Cleveland	13	15	0.464	7	127	120	Won 1
18	Seattle	13	15	0.464	7	127	119	Lost 1
19	Minnesota	13	14	0.481	6.5	102	122	Won 2
20	Atlanta	12	15	0.444	7.5	129	107	Lost 4
21	Houston	13	16	0.448	7.5	131	132	Lost 1
22	San Francisco	13	16	0.448	7.5	93	131	Won 1
23	Cincinnati	12	17	0.414	8.5	124	139	Lost 2
24	Toronto	11	17	0.393	9	116	112	Lost 2
25	Kansas City	12	15	0.444	7.5	100	129	Lost 1
26	San Diego	11	17	0.393	9	92	130	Won 1
27	Colorado	11	17	0.393	9	114	144	Lost 1
28	Texas	10	18	0.357	10	130	177	Won 1
29	Pittsburgh	11	16	0.407	8.5	128	160	Won 1
30	Washington	11	17	0.393	9	104	134	Won 3

Putting together a mohawk and stenciling in your initials on your head is a pretty solid feat.

If you have ever met you know that a good 95% of my brain use utilized in thinking, talking, dreaming about sports. Is my grammar perfect when I post something? No. Sorry but I don't actually get paid for this, I do it for fun. I don't get why ass bags like this guy just don't get that. I will never have a journalism degree, rather an MS in Engineering & an MBA, why exactly does that matter in regards to my passion of sports. If someone reads any of my posts and gets any valid information or enjoys my opinion than so be it, what's the big deal?

What exactly is different between the New York Daily News digging into Roger Clemens past affairs with womens and any blog posting pictures of a drunk athlete? If anything the Daily News is doing much larger damage to a person. Are both news worthy? Sure why not. Some people will have a problem with their quarterback getting hammered and enjoying a bottle of jack daniels and some people will have a problem with Clemens having sex with billions of non-attractive blonds but do either have any true effect on the average humans life? No.

I guess my main point is this, if people like what they are reading, they will continue to do so. If millions of people go to deadspin monthly than it's obvious relevant and obviously has public benefits. Brushing it all off as crap is nonsense, for if it was actually crap people wouldn't read it.

Everyday more and more fun news comes out about Roger "The Douchebag" Clemens and his apparent affair with every not overly attractive blond in the nation. The facts are not quite known about whether or not he as a 28 year old had an affair with 15 year old Mindy McReady or whether the affair started later, but it certainly looks bad. But while this news is making national headlines daily, one hall of fame athlete has to be thinking to myself, "Holy Crap, how am I not getting attention for this?". That athlete is the Mailman Karl Malone, whose seed apparently was delivered too many times in his youth.

See on Sunday during the NFL draft something was brought to the attention of the media, Karl Malone now has a bastard child in the NFL. With the 219th pick of the NFL draft the Buffalo Bills selected Demtrius Bell, the son whom Karl Malone ignored for 18 years of his life. Other than the typical I'm a pro athlete I spread my seed like no other and am a general scumbag at first glance there wasn't too much out of the ordinary or surprising about this story. But alas, I too brushed it off to quickly for better reporters than myself decided to dig and uncover even more potentially damning information.

See, Malone liked to spread his seed at a young age, allergic to condoms I suppose. He fathered WNBA 'star' Cheryl Ford and her twin when he was in high school and he fathered Bell when he was a sophomore at Louisiana Tech. Apparently, he was either chilling on street corners by a middle school or Demtrius's mother was enjoying college parties at a young age as apparently she was only 13 when impregnated.

I've never really had a hard time disliking Karl Malone in the past but damn this makes it way easier.

Over the weekend a Western Oregon player Sara Tucholsky hit the first home run of her entire career and somehow made national headlines. How? Well rounding first base as the ball went over the fence she injured herself, and couldn't muster the effort to get around the bases herself. Obviously in baseball or softball you can't help your teammates round the bases so the Western Oregon players didn't, rather her opponents from Central Washington carried her from base to base.

Many people are questioning if this is actual sportsmanship. Or what would have happened during a mens game. Would the team just have said, "Hmm that sucks for you, nice 400 foot single, enjoy your pinch runner." To me? It's a frigging sappy softball game and it was probably the right thing to do or the compassionate thing to do.

But here are the true questions. A) How the hell do you blow out your knee rounding the bases? Have you never watched anyone hit a home run before? Even if you sprinted around the bases and missed 1st and stopped how the hell do you blow out your ACL? That seems kind of pathetic. B) Is it that hard to drag yourself around the bases? Seriously if I hit a god damn homer and I pathetically blew out my knee, I'd tell the friggin paramedics to meet me at home plate after I dragged myself from base to base. hell the softball base paths are even shorter than the baseball ones.

1. Daniela Hantuchova




















2. Sania Mirza



















3. Martina Hingis



















4. Tatiana Golovin




















5. Maria Kirilenko




















6. Nicole Vaidisova



















7. Ana Ivanovic



















8. Alona Bondarenko



















9. Maria Sharapova



















10. Anna Kournikova
















11. Jelena Janokovic

1) Ginobli, 2) Side Show Bob, 3) Pierce, 4) Duncan, 5) Pau, 6) LBJ, 7) Chandler, 8) Parker, 9) Peja

1) AK-47, 2) Matt Harpring, 3) Manu, 4) Walter Hermann, 5) Pau, 6) Hedo, 7) Korver, 8) Scalabrine, 9) Pat Garrity, 10) Wally, 11) Okur, 12) Radmonovic, 13) Sasha Pavlovic, 14) Sasha Vujacic, 15) Luke Walton, 16) Peja, 17) Fabricio Oberto

1) Big Z, 2) Boozer, 3)Billups, 4) Fisher, 5) KG, 6) Kobe, 7) Odom, 8) Allen, 9) Fish Alien, 10) David West, 11) Bonzi, 12) Joey Crawford