SimonOnSports

I just got my hands on the Official Wolverine Offseason Practice/Workout Schedule. It's clearly mostly optional. Click On the Pic to Enlarge

Last night, Denver Bronco Fans were proof why the saying goes, "Fan is simply short for fanatic". In booing Cutler all night, Bronco fans proved that they are unable to rationally analyze is a situation and instead are too apt to thrust blame where blame doesn't necessarily belong. Instead of treating the situation for what it is the Bronco fan will always despise Cutler for doing nothing wrong. When you actually rationalize what happenned, and if you theoretically put yourself in Cutler's shoes, you would have done the exact same thing he did. You are a Pro Bowl quarterback in the NFL, and the new coach comes in and starts to dick around wtih you. Rational people get pissed at this. When some new boss comes in and starts tampering with your job you aren't going to be happy about this. And then when your new boss attempts to kiss and make up and you give him the simple question of "can you honestly say you aren't going to try to trade me in the futu...

The New York Yankees continue to insist that they play by the "Joba Rules". Joba Chamberlain must not exceed his innings limit, or his arm just might fall off. So they decided to spend the past few weeks toying with him and the rest of the pitching staff. He gets 8 days off here and there and now he's limited to 35 pitches in one of his starts. The Yankees have invested money in Joba, the best way to protect his arm is to not have it pitch. And yet everytime I see this I think to myself, Matt Cain. Hi "Joba Rules", meet Matt Cain. Matt Cain is currently amongst the front runners for the Cy Young. The combination of Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain is the singular reason the Giants are tied for the wild card. He's a 24 year old horse who already has two 200 innings pitched seasons under his belt and is well on his way to his third consecutive season with 200 plus. So how did Matt Cain develop into such a horse? He pitched, and he pitched a lot. In 2002 Matt Cain wa...

On friday night I turned on ESPN and saw "Angels Negotiating with Rays to acquire Scott Kazmir". In a baseball world where little more will shock me, my jaw went to the floor. How the hell did Scott Kazmir go through waivers all the way to the Angels? This makes absolutely positively no sense to me. First off, why the hell are the Rays trading away Scott Kazmir right now? I understand that he's had a very bad year for his standards. But he's pitched better in the 2nd half of the season, 4-2 with a 4.41 ERA and more importantly he's still just 25 and signed for a not too unreasonable 20 million dollars over the next two seasons. Why are the Rays trading away a pitcher who should be helping their playoff push, when they're down just 4 games in the Wild Card, for two players to be named later? Are you simply throwing in the towel for this season? It certainly seems like that. Next, and even more baffling, how does not one single team with a record worse than the ...

College and NFL Football is right around the corner, so its time to review some of your best options for prepping for the big game. The Guide On How to Play : Throw a frisbee at a ski pole with an empty beer on top. If you hit the poll and the can hits the ground you get two. If you hit the can with the frisbee and hit hits the ground you get 3. If you throw a catchable frisbee and it is dropped you get one. Here's a better explanation , if you desire more eloquence. Complexity: Limited - Again, it's pretty much simple addition after each throw. There's basically under 5 rules. It's not rocket science. Ability to Hold a Beer While Playing: Depends on If You Want to Win - If you want to win, you probably need your hands free to catch the frisbee, unless you can do everything one handed. Is Beer Drinking the Objective: No - You can integrate it in if you want, but it could also be a game with side beers and consumption at your own pace. Space Needed: 7-10 Yards - Depe...

College Football is just around the corner so it's time to publish the sure to be wrong College Football Predictions. Last week I said that my preseason blogpoll was going to be aligned with my predictions but, well I changed my mind on the outcome of two games. Conferences I Don't Care About Winners Sun Belt: Louisiana Lafayette, cause their Ragin Cajuns. CUSA East: Southern Miss, Home of Favre. CUSA West: Houston, Cougars are fun CUSA Winner: Southern Miss, It's another year of the Favre MAC East: Bowling Green, ESPN is all about bowling in the fall MAC West: Central Michigan, Directional Michigan Powerhouse MAC Winner: Central Michigan, Continued Directional Dominance Mountain West: TCU, Horned Frog Domination WAC: Boise St., Smurf Turf Power Important Conference Winners ACC Atlantic: Florida St. Bobby Bowden's going old school and taking the ACC Atlantic which is remarkably weaker than the ACC Coastal. They might lose all three games to the ACC Coastal and...

I put this up in my cubical... that is all.

Tonight will mark the first time in my life I will ever been in attendance for a professional tennis tournament. Having lived my entire life 20 minutes from New Haven site of the Pilot Pen tournament and a little more than an hour away from the US Open, it's kind of surprising that I have never gone, but I guess tonight is better late than never. So what is in store for me the first night I ever attend a tennis match? Amelie Mauresmo vs. Svetlana Kuznetsova, two of the um... not so attractive women on the WTA. Usually my motto for Women's tennis is root for the player who is the most attractive but right now I'm befuddled. In one corner there is the Russian Kuznetsova who likely has bigger arms and legs than me and in the other there is French Lesbian Amelie Mauresmo who certainly has a more chiseled face than me. I honestly have no idea who to pull for. I just hope there isn't a lot of grunting. Why couldn't I have gotten Bondarenko ?

It's time to test your knowledge on some classic Major League Baseball Mustaches. Below you'll find a picture of 20 different mustaches to identify. If you're struggling you can try to identify the pictures with the help of a list of the 20 players . Now have at it. Mustache Trivia Answers Try Out Other Trivia Fat Football Coaches Silhouettes Lefty Hitters Silhouettes To The Rack Silhouettes The Ladies of Jeter Bodies of the WTA SI Swimsuit Models And More

In a day of work filled with meeting after meeting after meeting, I get a few minutes to check out the news and the first thing I see is that the Price of Beer Is Going Up . Isn't that just one more swooping kick to the wallet. And here I thought commodity prices were consistently going down, I guess not.

Just because this is a hilarious stat, here is a progressive season chart of Carlos Pena's Single Totals vs. his Home Run Totals. Currently he has hit two more home runs (37) than singles this season (35).

Just for fun let's take a look at the New York Mets Opening Day Roster to see just how devastated the New York Mets Roster is. We shall do this by listing their 25 man roster according to team importance. DISABLED 1. Johan Santana - DISABLED 8/26 2. Carlos Beltran - DISABLED 6/22 3. Jose Reyes - DISABLED 5/21 4. David Wright - DISABLED 8/16 6. Carlos Delgado - DISABLED 8. John Maine - DISABLED 6/7 9. Oliver Perez - DISABLED 6/25 10. JJ Putz - DISABLED 6/5 16. Alex Cora - DISABLED 8/19 PREVIOUSLY INJURED 15. Brian Schneider, DISABLED from April 18-May30 TRADED 11. Ryan Church 18. Ramon Castro RELEASED 17. Livan Hernandez 24. Darren O'Day 25. Marlon Anderson HEALTHY 5. Fransisco Rodriguez 7. Mike Pelfrey 12. Luis Castillo 13. Sean Green 14. Daniel Murphy 16. Pedro Feliciano 17. Fernando Tatis 19. Bobby Parnell 20. Brian Stokes . 21. Jeremy Reed So to sum up only 10 of the 25 man opening day roster have remained healthy throughout the season. Of these 10 players only two could b...

If Bryce Harper truly is the next chosen one than it's time to keep your eyes open as there is a race going on. A few months ago it all but seemed like a formality that the Washington Nationals would wind up drafting first for the second time in two seasons. But amidst a season of ineptitude the Nationals threw a crux in their last place hopes by winning 8 straight games. Now instead of a guaranteed slot at the top of the draft, they now must conduct a 5 week race with the Kansas City Royals. The Royals sit just 3.5 games in front of the Nationals, a lead which could very easily be given away if say Zach Greinke was shut down. So how have the Royals managed to enter a discussion that everyone thought was already set in stone? Well a 10-26 record post All-Star Break is a start, as is the Nationals 18-20 mark since the break. The combination of the Royals miserable play, the Nationals little up tick in play as well as the American League's overall superiority to the Nationa...

Back in the late nineties when Vinny Testaverde was throwing interception after interception while Chad Pennington sat watching with a clipboard, I had a philosophy. My philosophy was that if Chad could not start over Testaverde than in all likelihood the former 1st round pick wasn't all that great. In the end it could be argued that I was wrong given the success that Chad has had since, but I still think this philosophy holds in many circumstances. If you can't start over someone that flat out isn't good, than in all likelihood you are either ludicrously unready to play, or you just aren't that good yourself. In the past few days there has been an uproar in Ann Arbor that Rich Rodriguez just might play all three quarterbacks in the opener. In reality he was simply saying he really doesn't know who's going to start . The problem is that the fact Rodriguez has yet to rule out Nick Sheridan makes me wonder about freshman recruits Denard Robinson and Tate Forcier. ...

Dear Mr. Minaya and Mr. Wilpon, Regretfully this letter is to inform you that I, Mr. Met will no longer be attending any Met game for the remainder of the season. Mrs. Met has informed me how poor our current medical insurance is and after watching every single valuable player on the Mets go down due to injury we have concluded that it would be wise if I was to stay away for the rest of the year. I'm sorry to inform you of this on such short notice, but it is what it is. I feel like I'm watching Final Destination 38: Attack at Citi Field, and I'm jumping ship before some beam at the stadium turns my head into mashed baseballs. See You Next Year, MR. MET

Ever wanted to get the NFL Direct TV package but weren't able to because of extenuating circumstances that forced you to be unable to purchase Direct TV period? Well now you sir are in luck, Direct TV is allowing lucky customers the opportunity to purchase just the NFL Ticket Package to be watched on your PC. No satellites needed, just you, your laptop and a lot of football. Sounds great right? You're a huge Pittsburgh fan but you moved out to Chicago and your stupid 20 story apartment building won't allow you to hang out a dish on their roof. So you call up Direct TV order the online package and you shall never be denied. You think you're in the money until... they tell you that this service is only available for those that live in Manhattan. Yep, just Manhattan. Not even people in Queens, the Bronx, or Brooklyn can get this online only package. In fact to get to the offer you need to go to www.directtv.com/MANHATTAN . Thanks DirectTV for absolutely positively noth...

Oh yay, a Lou Holtz Notre Dame prediction we all can take seriously. They're going to play in the National Title game!!! Because their schedule sucks!!! Hey Lou, you forgot that they're going to get pummeled by USC amongst many many other things, like the fact that they've been terrible for the past two seasons.

This is a representation of my weekend at the Casino. 1st round of craps: Never did I have more chips then I started wtih. Lost 70 bucks relatively quickly and decided to get off the table. I then watched the table get hot and my friends make money. 2nd round of craps: After a trip to the ATM, I quickly lost a hundred and decided that craps was shitting on me and that I was giving up and just putting the rest of my money on Black. Roullette: Grab all the chips in my pocket and throw it on black. It's RED and I missed a chip in my pocket, bullshit. I head back to the craps table and watch someone have a ludicrous role in which everyone won 200+. After 200 dollars of quick losing I was fed up. Luck of the Irish, my ass.

I'm headed to a bachelor party in Atlantic City for the weekend. The reason I tell you this is that there's a solid chance I won't post on monday due to, too damn hungover. In the off chance I don't post on monday through wednesday, please inform the authorities that someone might have been eaten by a Tiger in Atlantic City. Thanks. Simon...

At the beginning of this season it is safe to say that nobody in St. Louis truly knew what they were going to get out of Chris Carpenter. With the amount of injury problems he's had in the recent years and his struggles to return from them, how exactly could you. Then after he left his second start with another injury and another trip to the Disabled List, panic mode once again set in in the city of the Arch. Now we sit in the middle of August and Chris Carpenter looks like his old self. He's mowing down hitters left and right and picking up wins at every turn. Carpenter has won four in a row during the month of August and overall it would be 9 in a row had Ryan Franklin not blown a 1 run lead to the Astros in late July. He's been arguably the most consistent pitcher in the National League having the leagues highest Quality Start %, the league's best ERA, and the league's second best WHIP. Chris Carpenter is officially back, and is arguably the biggest reason why th...

You wouldn't have mortally wounded my fantasy team. Instead in 2008 you were simply Chad Ochocinco and not Esteban Ochocinco, thus you did not pick up random extra fantasy points via kicks you instead did absolutely positively nothing.

College and NFL Football is right around the corner, so its time to review some of your best options for prepping for the big game. The Guide On How to Play Complexity: Limited - You pretty much can be blacked out and still remember how to play this game. Get it in the hole = 3. Land it on the box = 1. And from there you have to do first grade addition and subtraction. Not bad. Ability to Hold a Beer While Playing: Great - If you can't hold a beer while throwing a 1 pound bean bag than you should work on your balance. Is Beer Drinking the Objective: No - You can consume as much or as little as you want while playing this game. We suggest the more the merrier. Space Needed: 10+ Yards - This is a major negative for the game. There's meant to be a lot of space between the boards. A lot of space. This forces you to get to your point of interest very early to stake claim on the ground. It also allows your drunken friends to stumble into the game, be jackasses and just swat the t...

God I love our legal system. We live in a country where three people of relatively equal fame can commit three highly different crimes and get three different jail sentences. Michael Vick set up a massive gambling ring and consciously watched dogs get brutally killed. 2 Years Donte Stallworth consciously got into the car while intoxicated and inadvertently wound up running over and killing a man. 1 month Plaxico Burress consciously brought a concealed weapon into a night club and inadvertently shot himself in the leg. 2 years . I'm not going to say that Plaxico does not deserve to go to jail. This is not my call. But of the three crimes committed, his is the only one where nothing on this earth was effected by it other than himself. The man shot himself in the leg. He's really being punished on the theoretical of what could have happened at some point in time because he brought a gun into the city. That's it. Theoretically everytime you sit down to eat a steak at a resta...

Last night Jon Garland became the latest and greatest MLB player to clear the waiver wire. The Diamondbacks have garnered two things from this move. They A) Now know that nobody thinks Jon Garland is worth the money that they are currently paying him and B) they can trade Garland to any team that may want him. The Waiver Wire as a whole is an interesting concept. A team gets the opportunity to put a player on the waiver wire and see if anybody claims him. If no one does, they are free to do whatever they want with the player. If someone claims him than they can either negotiate a deal with the claimed team for return pieces, or they can pull the player off the waiver wire and return them to their roster. What if this played out in the real world? I think it could lead to some very interesting behavior. Could you imagine how quickly Ken Lewis would clear the waiver wire? The real question is how much of his salary would they have to pay off in a deal and what could they get in r...

This season I have been included into the blogpoll this season which I very much appreciate. With this inclusion I shall have to forego one of the stances I've made in my past polls, not doing a preseason poll. As I've stated on several occasions I disagree with the premise of preseason polls for one major reason, they should have no effect on how the rankings fluctuate over the course of the season. And I will make sure it does not have any effect on my rankings. The rankings will stay 100% resume based. The idea of quality wins and bad losses will fluctuate just as much as the rankings will. So if I think Alabama is a solid team now, but they lose 6 games this season, than I was obviously wrong so beating them would no longer be qualified as a quality win. You get my drift. So here goes it... Rank Team 1 Florida 2 Southern Cal 3 Texas 4 Oklahoma 5 Virginia Tech 6 Ohio State 7 Alabama 8 LSU 9 Oregon 10 Mississippi ...

Over the past few seasons Derek Jeter has been on a steady decline. His overall batting numbers and especially his power numbers have decreased. His fielding and range has been much maligned. All of this has lead to many a published article proclaiming Jeter as the most overrated player in Major League Baseball. In 2009 however Derek Jeter might be one of the most overlooked superstar in major league baseball. Did you know that Jeter this season has reemerged as a .330 & 400 OBP hitter? Did you know that Jeter could potentially reach his first 20/20 season since 2004? Did you know Jeter is well on his way to his 13th season in which he eclipses to 100 Run mark? Then we come to the most surprising at all, Jeter's resergence with the glove. Since Fangraphs started charting UZR rating in 2002, Jeter has never been deamed a better than average shortstop, until 2009 . In 2009 Jeter's current UZR rating is 5.6 which places his 5th among all of major league shortstops....

With the news today that Brett Favre is going to officially be a Minnesota Viking, I think it's time for the Jets to ship all of this garbage down to Nicaragua with all the undefeated Patriot gear .

Here's the deal with this Brett Favre news, and I'm going to make this post incredibly incredibly brief, he's really just a child who can't make up his mind. It's absoultely positively hilarious. I mean you really can't make this shit up. He's essentially an old boxer that can't figure out when to get out. One day he's retired, the next he's working out, the next he's retired but still working out? Come on this is priceless. I understand that everyones going to say the media hype has been jammed down our throats with Brett Favre this and Brett Favre that and Brett Favre this for 3+ years now but please admit this is funny. The fact that anybody even believed the latest retirement is the most hilarious of it all. Why would you ever believe a single sentence in which Brett Favre uttters the word retirement? I guess people are just flat out stupid. And just think about this for a second. The Vikings just signed a 39 year old man, who...

Have you, much like I, found Greg Paulus to be one of the most annoying Duke Basketball players of all time? Have you enjoyed him getting tea-bagged on dunks or watching him melt on the sidelines during Duke's annual tournament loss? Have you ever thought man, I wish someone would just foul the shit out of him to wipe that god damn smirk off his face? Well you sir are now in luck. You sir will get the opportunity to witness Greg Paulus get pummeled into submission on a weekly basis this fall, as Greg Paulus is now officially the starting quarterback for Syracuse . Yes that is the same Syracuse football team that has gone 16-43 over their last five seasons. The same team that routinely schedules 3 BCS OOC Opponents yearly to go along with their Big East schedule. Thus Greg Paulus shall suit up against BCS Conference opponents in 11 of their 12 games, this includes games against Minnesota (live on ESPN2 on September 5th) and at Penn State the next season. The combination of a ...

With this years Major Winners being a 4-some of shocking winners, 3 of which being newbies, what better time than now to test out your knowledge on 20 other 1-time Major winners and see if you can correctly remember which Major they took home. what_major_did_i_win? Check Out Some More SimonOnSports Trivia The Ladies of Jeter Bodies of the WTA NBA Draft Suit Trivia Name That Bobblehead PGA Golf Wife Trivia Cheerleader PhotoHunt Extravaganza Silhouette Trivia: Very Fat Football Coaches And More...

Everyday there's one more story that makes you question the human races overall intelligence. You start wondering if its possible that society can get dumber and then the next day there's a new article that verifies that we in fact can. Today's example of incredible moronity is an Irish Gambling Booky. This particular booky, named Paddy Power, decided that the PGA Tournament was in the bag and that he might as well just pay off all the gamblers who bet on the worlds #1. In all he paid off around 2.12$ million dollars. The problem is, Tiger Woods didn't win. Y.E. Yang won, and thus he paid off $2.12 million dollars to losers. Money that should have been in his pocket. This begs the question why would a bookmaker ever pay out anyone before the result is finalized? The answer? Apparently "they're dimwits". Courtesy of Reuters

Here's a fun little chart I put together which shows the progressive standings of the AL East throughout the season. You'll notice the Yankees going up since the all star break and everybody else plummeting like a rock. Does this look like anything you may have seen in the early 00s Red Sox fans?

And if you thought David Wright's looked bad, how about getting hit in the head without a helmet on... Hiroki Kuroda now has 2/3 of a second to react Hiroki no longer has 2/3 of a second Down Goes Hiroki Is that a ground rule double? Bring out the Medical Staff Immediately. The amazing part about this is that Kuroda broke nothing, there was no bleeding, and he somehow might actually not wind up on the disable list. Either he's got super Asian strong skull or he is one lucky S.O.B. If you want to watch the video of Hiroki Kuroda getting hit in the head you can at Dodgers.com .

Just when you thought the Mets couldn't lose any more players... Matt Cain Squares up David Wright's Earhole Look at that Ricochet Down Goes David And Someone's a bit Woozy. Damn 94 mph Fastballs to the head must hurt. If you want to watch the Video of David Wright Getting Hit in the Head, you can do it at Mets.com

Months ago on draft day the Nationals had one of two options, either they draft the best player available and how to work out the contract demands of Satan, aka Scott Boras, or they could simply admit immediate defeat and opt to draft an eminently more signable player. The Nationals opted to man up and draft Stephen Strasberg and his 100 mph flames and try to work out a deal with the devil. Tonight at midnight the clock will strike and we will have found out whether Nationals were at all serious on draft day when they chose Strasberg or if they just fumbled away another potential key component to their success. The options for the Nationals right now are to either shell out the record breaking contract which Boras demands, or sit back forego this years draft pick and draft twice at the top of the draft next season. Unfortunately thanks to a rule which makes the Nationals inelligible to draft Strasberg again next season their option of getting the best pitching prospect potentially o...

As each addition steroid abusers name comes out, society is becoming less and less surprised by each announcement. So much so that I've often heard a debate bantered about on the radio and casual circles. This debate starts like this, "Man, I wouldn't be surprised if anybody gets busted for steroids anymore. Except for Jeter, that would shock me." Then the counter party will reply with "Have you looked at his power numbers? Big spike there in the steroid era, Jeter wouldn't shock me. Pedro would shock me, that dude was a twig." I myself have 1 man who if he tested positive for steroids I believe the Earth would collapse and the Apocolypse would begin. That man is David Eckstein. Just look at him. He weighs maybe 150 pounds and he's 5 foot 6. He's got 33 home runs in ten seasons. The man can't even swing a full sized bat so he chokes up for each pitch and jumnp swings at the ball. And when he throws the ball he barely reaches first b...

I'm of the opinion that a cup is the most uncomfortable article of clothing a male can ever wear. It turns your parts into an oven. It chaffes your legs. Its just terrible all around. And so I have avoided wearing it ever since I moved to the outfield back in high school and now I don't wear one when on occasion I do play the infield. Unfortunately for Adrian Beltre there's a big difference in not wearing a cup as a major league baseball third baseman than not wearing one in a softball beer league. For Beltre, his lack of wearing a cup, where professional hitters rope laser beams, resulted in the tearing of a testicle and internal bleeding . For Adrian Beltre, I'd imagine he's likely going to wear a cup from now on. I would think that tearing your testicle to the extent where you potentially need surgery is enough to convince a man that in the future, thou shalt protect thy nuts.

It's finally done, we know where Michael Vick will be putting on spikes this fall, he will be a Philadelphia Iggle. My response to this is relative shock, the Eagles weren't even remotely on my radar . I would have thought Vick would have wanted a situation where he could potentially win over the starting position, but in Philadelphia you'd have to imagine that this won't be the case, even after McNabb's lame benching last season. So what will his role in Philly entail? Will he simply be put in situations for the creation of the WildDog formation? Will the Iggles use him at the same time as McNabb and run the A11 ? God that would be awesome. Will he just sit on the bench and do absolutely nothing? Really only time will tell. As of right now I see this as a limited risk, potentially large reward situation for the Iggles. I think any distraction to the team will be completely overstated. I think this is gives the Iggles a viable backup in case McNabb goes dow...

Just how desperate are the Nets to sell tickets this season? Desperate enough to sell jerseys of their opponents. Oh the hilarity. But fear not you could decide to wear the Jarvis Hayes side instead of the Lebron side if you in fact are a New Jersey Net fan. But considering the probability that anybody is a New Jersey Net fan, I find that highly doubtful. And just to top off the humor, here's a quote from the Nets CEO. “The reality of the situation is that many of our fans like the opposing players and teams and that’s great,” said Nets chief executive Brett Yormark. “When you come to our games, the concessionaire is selling the opposing team’s jerseys, so why not give them away?” Also, don't stay on the New Jersey Nets website too long or Devin Harris will threaten to speak to you. Scary. Courtesy of CNBC

It's a proud day here at SimonOnSports. This week the site has officially eclipsed the 1 million page view mark. This is cause for celebration. Where shall I splurge the 120$ I make a month?

It's time for the inagural UFL football season where uniforms need BRIGHT COLORS ! With uniforms that are bright green and a light blue what would you guess the team name would be? The Aliens or Martians? Nope. The Galaxy? Nope. The Lazer? Nope. The Lizards or Dinosaurs or Raptors or something reptilian? Nope. I bet I can go on and on and on and you would never ever be able to guess what this uniforms nickname could possibly be. Even if I told you that the team was the California R________s, you probably still wouldn't get it. So any last guesses? How about the California Redwood? Yes. Bright Green and Blue, that screams Redwood. Or not. Hello Morons. Just in case they didn't know, Redwoods look like this.