Versus Now On Basic Cable

Saturday, December 29, 2007


Thank the good lord that VS has now been moved to my basic cable package. I would have had nothing to watch had it not been for Versus offering me the option of watching Girls High School Basketball.

Thank You Versus.

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Year in Review: April

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

I'm doing a Year in Review. Why? Because I can.

The Only Live Blog I have ever done. It included a lot of Joakim Noah hate. [April 2nd]

Giving some explanation to why Noah sucks. [April 3rd]

Arod joins my good graces. Why? Because he started wearing high socks. [April 3rd]

Mets fans were talking a big game in April. Not so much late September. [April 10th]

Sometimes those open layups are tough. [April 22nd]

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Year in Review: March

I'm doing a Year in Review. Why? Because I can.

Greg Maddux urinates on teammates in the shower. That's his performance enhancer. [Mar 5th]

My tracking of the Celtics Draft Positioning was in full force. [Mar 6th]

A Brazlian Newspaper lied and said that Brady knocked up Gisele. [Mar 8th]

I Busted out My NIT Bracket... It Sucked [Mar 12th]

I rounded out My Final 4 bracket... It Marginally Sucked [Mar 14th]

Max Kellerman Had a Killer Animal Tournament... My bracket sucked. [Mar 15th]

Stupid shoes to 'honor' Red. [Mar 15th]

The Celtics pretty much officially tanked a game. [Mar 22nd]

I went 0 for in picking MLB Awards. Including the joking pick of Carl Pavano as comeback player of the year. Ha. [Mar 30th]

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Year in Review: February

Monday, December 24, 2007

I'm doing a Year in Review. Why? Because I can.

Mike Greenberg suggests a stupid adjustment to the NBA Draft Process. [Feb 7th]

Duke lost 4 games in a row. [Feb 12th]

Schottenheimer gets shit canned. [Feb 13th]

I moderately overestimated Dice-K's Rookie Year Stats. [Feb 16th]

Bridget lets the boat know she's preggers. [Feb 19th]

Dominic Rhodes pissed himself after a DWI bust. [Feb 23rd]

Get your Hepatitis at SI's Swimsuit Party. [Feb 28th]

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Year In Review; January

I'm doing a Year in Review. Why? Because I can.

The BCS Title Game Sucked Dong [Jan 9th]

Jason Kidd got the ole heave ho from the wife ending the free throw kiss era. [Jan 10th]

ESPN Shit Canned Stephen A's Show which was obviously a good move. [Jan 12th]

Reche Brought you his best O Face [Jan 22nd]

I suggested that Ray Allen and KG were amongst the top 5 NBAers in need of a change of scenery. Little did I know that meant the Cs a few months later. [Jan 25th]

Barbaro was Euthanized on my birthday, happy birthday me. [Jan 29th]

Trying to Buy Yankee Tickets is a Pain in the Assholes [Jan 31st]

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Weekly Waste of Oxygen

Friday, December 21, 2007

After a week on the Mitchell report it's back to some normal voting on normal scum bags.

1. Ronnie Stack - So I understand the frustration of your team losing and god only knows what I would have been like had the Jets lost to the Dolphins, could have actually morphed into the joy of locking up the 2nd pick who knows, but I would never do what this idiot is doing. Why? Cause I have atleast somewhat of a life. What kind of ass decides he's not going to leave the roof of the bar until his favorite team wins. I hope you get a nice snow storm sometime soon.

2. New York Knicks - Once again the Knicks are attempting to separate themselves from the sane. Freedom of speech does not exist in MSG. Make a fire Isiah sign or start chanting fire isiah and you will be shown the exit. Which would be perfectly ok if you were reimbursed for the ticket charge. In fact why don't they just have a website where you can get reimbursed for your ticket if you plan on heckling Isiah.

3. Jonathan Papelbon - Some important items you should probably put in a glass jar you know away from animals and children's reach. I guess Jonathan does not think that the World Series Ball is one of those items as he has come out and said that apparently his dog ate it.

4. Rory Sabbatini - Rory has come to the conclusion that he never wants to win a tournament that Tiger Woods plays in ever again. It's one thing to trash talk and say that Tiger isn't above and beyond everyone else's reproach now, which motivated Tiger to put a whoopin on Rory. It's another thing to disrespect Tiger by bowing out of his tournament early for personal reasons. The personal reason being he wanted to start his vacation a day earlier.

Get Your Vote On

Last Weeks Winner:
Roger Clemens

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NFL Wehis week 16 Pick Suggestions

I don't have any time to do this and I forgot to make my picks yesterday, god damn thursday night game, but I would have picked the Steelers to cover so I'll give my self a 1/2 point. Eh whatever I'm taking credit for the whole thing. No suggestions this week, and probably nobody cares.

Spread Picks

Non Spread Picks

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Friday Video Blowout

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of Black20, EC, With Malice, With Malice again, CGB, Adult Swim, AA, Fanhouse, Fanhouse again, Hot Clicks


Nooooo Not Kelly Leak.


Good ole fashion old man beating a younger stronger dude.


I enjoyed the head stomping, it reminded me of American History X.


This lucky bastard (With Malice) lives in Japan so he gets this stuff daily.


West Virginians might have to look in the mirror and wonder why the hell would Rodriguez want to stay.


Carl and Paxton Crawford apparently are not close.


I would be dancing too, probably just to keep warm it frigid Wisconsin.


Eddie might not have the best eyes on the planet.


This must have been post game.


Poor Isiah gets no lovin.

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Jesus Had Nothing to Do With It


Sorry for the hiatus, I've been busy. And by busy I mean lazy. Doubt you missed me anyway.

In case you haven’t caught this, a family in Northern California got lost for several days in a heavy snow storm. That’s right, a father, an 18 year old boy, and two teenage girls managed to get themselves so hopelessly lost that they needed rescuing. One would assume that they were on some 20 mile wilderness hike, or camping in some remote location. And one would be wrong. They went out to find a Christmas tree for the family.

I’ve got several problems with this, the first being how the hell do you get lost trying to find a Christmas tree? I’m pretty sure that at 18 years old you could have put me at the edge of the woods with a saw, and told me to go get a Christmas tree I would have pulled it off. At the very least I would have made it back, tree or not. And I assume the dad has been around the block a few more times than the kid. The kids should be fairly happy about this though, they get a free pass for the rest of their lives. Anytime the dad tells them what to do, they can play the, “Hey dad remember that time we got lost in the woods trying to find a friggin Christmas tree? Ok, thought so, go screw,” card.

Finally, the family was quick to name Jesus as the reason they got saved. I’m going to go ahead and beg to differ on this one. The reason they were saved is because they did what you’re supposed to do when you’re lost. Find shelter, and stay the hell where you are. If you go wandering around, nobody is going to find you. So they found a nice cozy culvert, stuffed their feet in each others shirts, and hunkered down, which was definitely the smartest thing they did all week. The only thing that Jesus had to do with this is the fact that they were looking for a tree to celebrate the guy’s birthday. Or his rising. Or his crucifixion. Whatever the hell we celebrate Christmas for, I don’t know. Merry friggin Christmas.

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Enough with the Meaningless Statements

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Seriously do we need for players to come out and give their admittance or denials for the Mitchell Report. You're in there for a reason; most of us, maybe not people from West Virginia, have the ability to read. The ability to read allows us to come to the conclusion that you did something, but we should be intelligent enough to know that you're not the only one. And yet the comments have been pooring in this past week.

The people who come out and admit to the usage (Pettite, Roberts, Vina) always have one caveat. I only took it for so many times and then I realized it wasn't for me. Or I took it so that I could heal and be on the team. Or in Vina's case he didn't take steroids because that's not what type of player he was. Cause being able to hit hard line drives instead of soft liners doesn't make a difference in baseball. Hell in Roberts' case everyone was damning the Mitchell Report for including him and for some reason he felt obliged to concur with the report and not ride the wave of sympathy.

My favorite comments are the ones made by players who think this justifies their stats (Mike Sweeney). "I wasn't in the Mitchell Report so I'm obviously not a steroid user." No Mike all it means is that you didn't get your HGH or steroids from either Kirk Radomski or BALCO. I'm not saying you did or did not take steroids, I'm just saying that the Mitchell Report far from clears anyone from suspicion of guilt.

And last but certainly not least is the blanket denial. There are shipments to your house or people saying that they stuck needles in your ass or your workout partner just admitted to usage however you never even touched the stuff. Come on, why would we believe any of this. If you ordered HGH or Steroids we're supposed to believe that you not once tried the substances. Or we're supposed to believe that Radomski who has nothing to gain from lying is lying solely about you but nobody else. Give me a break.

You know what kind of comments you should make? The comment of lack of acknowledgment. When someone asks you a question about the Mitchell Report just say how meaningless it was. Criticize the lack of depth of the report, criticize the fact that they uncovered only one new source that the public did not already have knowledge of. Don't give the stupid blanket rejection or the caveat laden admittance. And if you were not mentioned in the Report please don't see it as an opportunity to 'clear' your name you will just look like more of an idiot by actually acknowledging this joke of an investigation.

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The Old Doc Walked Through That Door

Wednesday, December 19, 2007


You have the ball in a tie game with 5.2 seconds left coming out of a timeout. Your options should be win or go to overtime. As a coach there is no way you should lose the game. If your team loses the game in regulation it should be completely put on your shoulders.

I'm not going to kill him for either of the failed decisions but the results are what matters. I understand giving the ball to Pierce on the final possession, I don't like it, but I understand it. He's the 'clutch' guy, apparently he's the man for the final second. He had an off night and probably wasn't the best option but I'll get over the decision to give him the shot. However, not instructing him to take his dumb fade away jumper when there was under a second in regulation was completely idiotic.

The next decision to put in Tony Allen was questionable but not terrible. House isn't a good defender and Rondo was getting abused downlow by Billups, so putting in the athletic Allen was not a bad move. However, you as a coach have to know that he is completely overaggressive and that Billups and Rip are two of the masters of the pump fake and rub. In the huddle you should emphasize not biting on any pump fakes, especially to Ray, who's smart enough to know better in the closing seconds, and Tony who were guarding the likely culprits.

Both decisions were bad but not terrible, but the end result is completely Docs fault and reminded me of the days which seem long ago where I wouldn't have minded if his head was on a platter.

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ESPN Couldn't Get Sponsorship?


Speaking of ESPN Bowl Mania, they couldn't get a sponsor for their game? Every meaningless bowl game is sponsored by someone yet their Bowl Pick 'Em which will probably be viewed as much as the GMAC or Independence or Poinsettia Bowl couldn't get a better sponsorship than the NBA on ESPN? That's pretty pathetic.

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Bowl Pick 'Em


The Bowls are right around the corner and since I'm doing such a horrible job with my NFL picks this season perhaps I'm due a little bit of luck. Also if you care to defeat me in Bowl Pick 'Em probably not a difficult task you can join my league 'Can't Spell Lloyd without 2 Ls' at ESPN. Anyway here's one sentence reasons why I picked each game.

San Diego Bowl: Utah over Navy cause the Midshipman Coach decided to bail ship.

New Orleans Bowl: Florida A&T over Memphis cause they are from Florida, thats it.

PapaJohns Bowl: Cincinnati over Southern Miss cause the Bearcats didn't get their coach stolen by Michigan.

New Mexico Bowl: New Mexico over Nevada cause nothing says homefield like having the same name as the bowl game.

Las Vegas Bowl: BYU over UCLA cause UCLA lost to Notre Dame.

Hawaii Bowl: Boise St. over East Carolina cause the powers extend past the smurf turf.

Motor City Bowl: Central Michigan over Purdon't cause the MAC owns the Big 10 this year.

Holiday Bowl: Arizona St. over Texas cause the Loghorns are highly overrated.

Champs Sports: BC over Michigan St. cause the Eagles always win their bowl games cause every year they face inferior teams.

Texas Bowl: Houston over TCU cause the coin landed tails.

Emerald Bowl: Oregon St. over Maryland cause the Beaver is too powerful to be contained in a fridge.

Car Care Bowl: Wake Forest over Uconn cause I drink the haterade.

Liberty Bowl: Miss St. over UCF cause nothing says Croomed like a Bowl loss.

Alamo Bowl: Penn St. over A&M cause the Aggies still haven't gotten their running back on a conditioning plan.

Independence Bowl: Bama over Colorado cause one 6-6 team must win.

Armed Forces Bowl: Cal over Air Force cause them helicopters can't stop Desean Jackson.

Sun Bowl: South Florida over Oregon cause a Leaf is going to QB for one team and not the other.

Humanitarian Bowl: Georgia Tech over Fresno St. cause the Jackets showed charity when they let Glennon use their jersey.

Gaylord Bowl: Kentucky over FSU cause Cheat St. University got caught.

Insight Bowl: Indiana over Okie St. cause this ones for Coach Hep.

Peach Bowl: Auburn over Clemson cause the ACC likes to suspend all of their players for the bowl game.

Outback Bowl: Tennessee over Wisconsin cause this time the coin landed heads.

Cotton Bowl: Missouri over Arkansas cause the Razorbacks ain't got Patrino yet.

Gator Bowl: Texas Tech over Virginia cause Al Groh will have his mind explode trying to defend the Red Raiders.

Cap One Bowl: Florida over Michigan cause the Tebow spread won't be stopped.

Rose Bowl: USC over Illinois cause there will be no Zooking in Pasadena.

Sugar Bowl: Georgia over Hawaii cause there won't be back to back BCS miracles.

Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma over West Virginia cause Pat White will be broken in half.

Orange Bowl: VaTech over Kansas cause the Ass Face is Better than the Triple Chin.

International Bowl: Rutgers over Ball St. cause Schiano is too good for Michigan.

GMAC Bowl: Tulsa over Bowling Green cause um ain't got no reason.

BCS Title Game: LSU over Ohio St. cause the Buckeyes are inept versus the SEC.

Good luck soundly defeating me...

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The Refreshed Old School Sox T-Shirt


Deadspin had this beauty of a T-Shirt Yesterday. I made a few enhancements.

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The Scalabrine Watch Week 7

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track he's performance in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch. 3 Million a year for what?

Celtics 90 Kings 78: -5
Scals got double digit minutes against the Kings and man did he take advantage of it. 2 free throws and one steal. An Epic performance.

Game Stats: 10 Minutes, 0-2, 2 Points, 0 Rebounds, 1 Steal, 0 Assists

Celtics 104 Bucks 82: -4
The Bucks somehow managed to stifle Scals from the field and shut him out completely. You really have to credit the Bucks for focusing on stopping the main weapon. Kind of similar to what the 49ers did in their loss to the Vikings when they held Peterson to 3 yards rushing.

Game Stats: 8 Minutes, 0-1, 0 Points, 0 Rebounds, 1 Assist

Celtics 90 Raptors 77: -5
Scals got those essential 2 points in the Celtics 90-77 victory over the Toronto Raptors. Who knows where they would have been without him on the court. Unfortunately his efforts were for naught apparently as he put up his 3rd negative of the week.

Game Stats: 2 Minutes, 1-1, 2 Points, 0 Rebounds, 0 Assists

Overall Week Performance: -14
Scals put in his least productive performances this week exactly when Truehoop and others were commenting on how he has become a fan favorite in Boston and is cheered whenever he touches the ball. Doc apparently is ignoring your cheers.

Week Stats: 20 Minutes, 1-4, 4 Points, 0 Rebounds, 1 Assist

Overall Season Performance: +23
Maybe I spoke to soon last week when I said I didn't think there was a way Scals could reach par this season. If Doc keeps on playing him only in the scrub minutes when the Celtics already have the games in the wraps

Season Stats:11 MPG, .340 FG%, 2.4 PPG, 1.5 RPG, 0.8 APG

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The Enjoyment of Throwing Stuff on the Field

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Sometimes you just gotta throw stuff on the field. Like lit flares, giant chunks of ice and dead animals. You gotta do what you gotta do.


That delay lasted about 10 seconds for jagged ice balls. Why couldn't they have hit Justin McCareins in his useless hands?


Apparently the Patriots hit Phil during the tuck rule game. They should have hit him harder, cause he still sucks up to them.


Throw the ball back or Derek Lee gets frustrated and wants to hit tall white guys.


Jet Fans typically make paper planes and attempt to throw them on the field. We suck.


I always enjoyed the Octopus throw by the Red Wings.


The Top 10 moments, and Dida getting hit in the head isn't number 1? Well he is a soccer player with terrible acting skills so perhaps he embellished it a bit.

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The End Of December Production Decline

Sorry boys and gals but the ole production here may be on a bit of a decline for the next two weeks. Because I haven't taken many of my vacation days this year and they evaporate at the end of the year my last day of work for 07 is manana. Today I'm studying for a final I'm probably gonna bomb anyway, so hence the no production today.

Anyway there should be posts a plenty tomorrow, the typical Weekly Waste, and Video Blowouts on friday and a review of each months best/most interesting posts/stories and a sporadic post here and there if I get time. Otherwise there won't be too much here.

Anyway here I'm sitting here studying at home right now and have the TV on and one of those made for tv ads come on. It's for a plastic piece of garbage that you can put your laptop on for a mild incline, so its more ergonomic or whatever. It costs 20 bucks, it probably costs 50 cents to make. So god damn stupid. Porta Book < Porta Potty.

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Justin 'No Hands' McCareins III


With Justin's demeanor on the football field it would be surprising if he didn't absolutely love Jewell. See if you can find Justin's hands in the video my guess is they are probably ones that are brittle and not built to maintain contact with pigskin.

Perhaps the Winged Helmets Were a Mistake

Monday, December 17, 2007


Appalachian St. throttled Delaware in the Division 1-AA Football Championship Subdivision of Continental America to give themselves that trademarked threepeat.

That puts the season total at App St. 2 Winged Helmets Zero. And to add insult to defeat the Blue Hens returned a kick for a touchdown and then the returner proceeded to drill a security guard in celebration. Quite classy.

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Tom 'The Fantasy Tease' Brady

If you were smart enough to draft Tom Brady this year in your fantasy league than chances are you were bragging to all of your buddies during the first 13 weeks of the year. You had five touchdowns a week, you had Tom Brady in the Fantasy Playoffs motivated facing the New York Jets in the semifinals and the inept Dolphins in the finals. He was going to throw 5 touchdowns in both games and you were going to ride the Brady wave directly to the cash. He was far away the best player in the league. Or so you would have thought.

Instead what you got was the 27th most points put up by a quarterback this week. 14 Completions for a modest 140 yards plus one interception. The list of quarterbacks that put up more points than Tom consists of well, just about everybody because only 30 QBs have suited up so far. The immortal Todd Collins put up fractionally more points than Tom since he didn't throw any interceptions. Have Cleo Lemon on your bench for some reason? He threw for 165 more yards than Brady, you should have started him. What about Shaun Hill? You knew he was going to throw and rush for a touchdown and put up 10+ more points than Brady right? Matt Moore, Chad Pennington, Trent Edwards, Brodie Croyle, Josh McCown, Kyle Boller. All better than Brady.

The only saving grace for Brady owners would be if they played Tony 'My Girlfriend is in the stands so I can't Concentrate' Romo or Derek ' It's Snowing So Hard I can't See Three Inches in Front of My Face' Anderson or Kellen "I threw One Pass for a Pick 6' or Chris 'My Coach Quit On Us' Redman who were the four starting quarterbacks to have a worse afternoon than Tom.

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NFL Picture Caption

1. You got your win, so are you satisfied with your Christmas gift?
2. Cleo Lemon = Santa Claus, Brian Billick = The Grinch
3. Your parents must be pretty releaved that they no longer have to spend any money on you. Perhaps they'll send Cam and the boys a thank you card.







1. Why does Chad have no arm?
2. Why is it raining, it's so damn cold?
3. Why can't McCareins catch the ball?
4. Why does my team suck?
5. Why couldn't we have broken Tom's ankle?




1. Jessica will you marry me?
2. On second thought maybe you should stop coming to my games.
3. And maybe stop seeing me period. Do you have Carrie Underwood's number? I lost it.








1. I am definitely too old for this.
2. Am I wearing Zubaz pants?
3. My grandchildren are all ashamed of me.









1. This thing smells like feet.
2. The water cannot not touch my skin or I will melt.
3. Hahaha I know that bastard McCareins has no hands and didn't catch that ball.








Eric "Hey Bill you look slender right now? Did you start dieting?"
Bill "I don't want to talk about the past I just want to concentrate on my meals for this week. The past is in the past the future is in the future but it's time to focus on the present."
Eric "So is that a yes or a no?"




1. Out of all the places to go for vacation I chose a Panther game? Stupid.
2. Mrs. Claus is getting me three beers, it's last call.
3. All I wanted for Christmas was Vinny to start, and I didn't get it.





1. Did I miss something the game is Sunday right?
2. Did they cancel the game because we suck so bad?
3. I heard first one to the game gets to play running ack.





1. This mask signifies the inner struggles of being from Seattle.
2. That wuss Panther fan's got nothing on my horns.
3. I wear the beads to get the ladies to show me their hooters. It hasn't worked yet.








1. I'm gonna have to return this baby, cause well it isn't mine.
2. Are you sure this isn't Reggie Bush? I could have sworn I saw him running around in a pink sweatshirt before.
3. She's actually going to call all of our plays today.




1. Perhaps this is why your team lost?
2. This beer gut is a warmth machine.
3. The beard keeps my right nipple warm, that's my one weakness.




Trent "Will you make love to me later?"
Shawn "Um Trent you're being a little awkward."
Trent " But Shawn you just won the Superbowl and I always wanted to sleep with a Superbowl winning Quarterback."
Shawn "Um Trent, first we didn't win the Superbowl and second you are a Superbwol winning Quarterback."
Trent "I'll catch."
Shawn "I think your head is still injured from last week."

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Justin 'No Hands' McCareins II


Even the Patriots were petrified of No Hands McCareins.

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Justin 'No Hands' McCareins

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Does anybody in the league consistantly drop balls like Justin McCareins? Way to bobble away that easy touchdown catch. Not to mention another easy dropped catch earlier in the game plus the inability to make contact with a punt inside the five. You should have been a Dback.

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He Just Lost His Team Asia Membership

Friday, December 14, 2007



I'm sorry but your entry into Team Asia has been denied. You obviously would lose a battle to both Samari and Ninja. You sir are certainly a fake asian or fakasian or fasian, don't know what sounds better.

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Clue Game Rebus


Here's a long awaited rebus. Remember the rules are... Winner is the first to identify the associated person, place or thing in the comments section. The Ultimate winner is the person who manages to put together what all the clues and answer is. I will post the answers sometime later if this isn't accomplished.

So start your guessin...

Furthermore I think I might start a distribution list for when I do any more rebuses in the future, that way everyone is on an even playing field as to when it starts. If you want on this list just send me an email.

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NFL Week 15 Pick Suggestions


8-8 you can book it. Already 0-1. So what the hell let's just make this the road favorite edition of the pick suggestions.

5. Cincinnati Bengals (-8 1/2) at San Francisco 49ers
The 49ers suck. Cincy isn't a very good team but the 49ers are terrible. They are playing with their 3rd string QB now and even against the Bengals miserable defense they won't be able to put up any points.

4. Seattle Seahawks (-7 1/2) at Carolina Panthers
The Panthers suck. The Seahawks are competing for the #3 spot and while that has limited motivation they should want to continue playing well and defeating the Panthers easily should not be a problem.

3. Baltimore Ravens (-4 1/2) at Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins suck. So do the Ravens, but not as much. This is Miami's last good chance to win a game and it will end not so well for them. They're offense is going to score 10 or less points, so their defense better play superbly.

2. Tennessee Titans (-3 1/2) at Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs suck. The Titans need this game to keep their playoff hopes alive so they should be highly motivated off of their choke job last week and should take care of business.

1. Indianapolis Colts (-10 1/2) at Oakland Raiders
The Colts have some breathing room now for the #2 spot after the Steelers loss last week, but just cause they have less motivation doesn't mean they won't smoke the inept Raiders.
Survivor League Pick: Death to Norv Chargers

Tampa Bay sucks but they're playing the Falcons. So I'm going with the Bucs mostly because I'm running out of teams and I'm holding out on using the Cowboys until next week against the Iggles.

Non-Spread Picks

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Friday Video Blowout

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of me, With Leather, Me, Who Ate All the Pies, EDSBS, The Offside, Who Ate All the Pies, AA, 100% IR, The Postmen, The Sporting Blog


I miss you Dave Chappelle.


Once again the Asians are brilliant.


Talk about a stupid celebration, Chad Johnson wouldn't even fall to this depth.


Just in case you couldn't tell, they're scoring for the wrong team.


This needs to be updated...


Kicking the ball straight up in the air was probably a bad decision.


Even backyard footballers have no scrotum.


Ya you here that Mike, avoid the fried chicken.


Hatin on Fat People is fun.


Might want to put down that last beer and hit a gym.


And a finishing word from Carl.

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Weekly Waste of Oxygen

Well since this is the biggest story of the week by a landslide, let's just do a little Mitchell Report Themed Weekly Waste of Oxygen. There's plenty of people who obviously suck.

1. Players Association - This report in reality accomplished little to nothing. They only additional names this report dug up were from Radomski and in reality you know that sooner or later they would have just bubbled to the surface anyway. For the most part the Players Association is to blame for this. They refused all cooperation even if they were 100% clean of wrong doing, their unwillingness to do any ratting just meant that this was for the most part a waste of time and money.

2. Roger Clemens - He's the #1 target in this report and he has the most to lose after the report. He's often been described as the best pitcher of this generation if not the best pitcher of all time and now with this report and 1st hand experience of steroid injections he's no better than Barry Bonds. A cheat and a crook.

3. Paul Lo Duca - Paully comes off in this report as the little douche that got everybody on the drugs. Not only did he do it himself but he got them for Gagne, got Kevin Brown on them etc. Lo Duca is just as bad if not worse than Radomski.

4. MLB GMs - This report paints a seriously bad picture of some major league GMs. It was evident that the Giants general manager knew that Barry Bonds was juicing. It was evident that the Dodgers GM knew that Kevin Brown was juicing. And it was evident that Theo Epstein was told that Gagne's injuries were a result of his steroid use. And yet none of these GMs did anything but reward these players for their skills. One can imagine that this is just scraping the surface of General Manager's negligence around the league.

Get Your Vote On

Last Weeks Winner:
Stephen A. Smith

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Mitchell Report Quicknotes

Thursday, December 13, 2007

~The Friggin thing is one big citation. Every single page is practically half footnotes. Also, do they know how to create a PDF? Is it that hard to link up the damn table of contents so you can click on a topic and it will bring you directly to that point. I guess they couldn't afford the 20 extra minutes of formatting this would have taken. Anyway the way the document is put together it looks like a 5th grader did it. Now I guess onto its contents.

~Did we need the rehashing of all the BALCO stuff we already knew? Or the HGH shipments to Ankiel, Glaus, Matthews Jr. etc. that we already knew?

~In Reality this report is BALCO, Radomski, the Segui household and the Internet HGH scandal it barely scrapes the surface of the steroid era. They really have two suppliers (BALCO & Radomski) and their users to think that there were only two suppliers in major league baseball is ridiculous.

~I wonder how much money Radomski made dealing. Probably a decent chunk of change.

~Nook Logan's name is Exavier? Who knew. Dude weighs about 153 soaking wet though.

~Andy Pettite should just admit to whats in the document as should many others. The Document simply says Pettite took a few injections of HGH while rehabbing an injury. It mentions nothing about steroids at all and doesn't make claims that he had a prolonged use. So simply put this says that he took HGH to attempt to heal while not playing. Who the hell cares about that. Just come out say you did it and not answer any of the other questions. Especially regarding Clemens who is accused of doing far more than you were.

~Maybe some of these players should have met with Mitchell as many of the segments end with, I gave him the chance to meet with me and talk about this but he declined. In other words I gave him the chance to give a feasible denial, but he bitched out so he can go to hell and enjoy the smearing that will come after the report was published. One such case was Brian Roberts who all he has against him is that he apparently admitted to Bigbie that he tried steroids a few times. That's the only evidence, nothing about him buying anything or people injected him, a here say confession.

~Does Tejada now acccept a pay cut?

~Apparently a few guys when getting caught for roids blew the whistle on Radomski and this is why he decided to say f 'em all and give up everybody. I bet the folks that didn't rat him out are pretty pissed about this.

~Do normal people pay for drugs using checks? Wouldn't cash make a lot more sense?

~Paul Lo Duca responded on Dodger Stationary which is pure genius on his part.

~ESPN couldn't get their own employee, Fernando Vina, to come on camera and respond to the allegations?

~There are way too many people who are out of baseball on this list whom I don't care about at all.

~I found this funny "Radomski called Brown and told him not to check the signature waiver box on the overnight delivery package when he was sending cash, because the envelope was left on Radomski’s doorstep for several hours and could have been taken."

~But not so much this "...Steroids speculated by GM. Less than two months later, the Dodgers traded Brown to the Yankees." The Dodgers thought Kevin Brown was taking roids so they traded him to the stupid Yankees.

~I found this funny "Theo Epstein asked, 'Have you done any digging on Gagne?' Mark Delpiano [responded], 'Some digging on Gagne and steroids IS the issue... Personally, durability (or lack of) will follow Gagne...'" And yet the Red Sox still traded for the bum.

~I found this funny "Radomski said that he did not sell Vaughn steroids because Vaughn was 'afraid of the big needles.'" Ha Mo is a big pussy.

~I found the section about Tejeda taking around 50 B12 shots a season very humorous.

~A lot of these players took HGH from Radomski way after their prime. Brown, Vaughn, Pettitte, Knoblauch, etc. so many of them got the stuff from Radomski when they were starting to suck and were trying to get back from injury which for the most part didn't work.

~Man I thought my list was really good but I was obviously wrong. I picked the wrong Met apparently, I should have thought about Todd Hundley. That one was so obvious.

~Oh I got the Broncos tonight to cover against the Texans. What a useless football game.

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Rebus Quick Hitters


Once again a Quick Hitters Version. Each # is associated to a person, place or thing. The entire Rebus is set under a given theme. Post the answers in the comments for both each entry and the theme. This one has another person, place or thing associated with each answer under the them. Got a question email me, else have at it.

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Joey thinks Bobby's a Girl


The Falcons had a lot of bad things to say about good ole Bobby which included Joey Harrington saying that's not what a man does. Perhaps Joey should rethink insulting anybody, it's not as if he holds the greatest of track records.

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Clemens First Under the Bus

ESPN came out this morning, apparently couldn't wait a few hours for the official report, and threw Clemens name under the bus. I guess the whole Les Miles debacle hasn't taught ESPN any patience but for the sake of argument let's just assume they are correct and that Clemens is in fact on the report. Is anybody surprised by this? Where there's smoke there's fire and when Grimsley came out and mentioned Clemens well that was the smoke. Plus the fact he had a low 2 ERA in his 40s, a bit ridiculous.

I honestly think that by the end of this report people just are going to care that much less about the past steroid users. Once a large amount of big names come out and everyone just can't pinpoint all of their rage on Barry Bonds people are going to lose interest. I don't even think people that did not take anything will get an added bonus, it will be well no one said he took steroids but who knows.

That same article said that the Yanks will have several players on this list and that it will be a 'Rough Day in the Bronx'. So here's to what could be an interesting day.

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Would You Have Roided?

I think one thing that needs to come out of this report is that everyone should take an honest look at themselves and think if I was them what would I have done. Would you have taken steroids or HGH or anything to give you an edge? Be honest with yourself.

Personally I don't think I could give a flat out no. I don't know if I could say if I was in any situation in a major league baseball career that I wouldn't have tried to get any edge to improve the situation. To me there are to distinct scenarios where I would most likely differ. The first would be the situation of Barry Bonds and those players that were already superior athletes and had already made a name for themselves. I honestly think that if I was in that situation and I had already established myself in the big leagues as a good player that I would be content with that. I think I wouldn't seek out the extra edge to turn myself into a Hall of Fame player or get that extra 1 or 2 million in the contract. However if I was a struggling high minors player who desperately wanted to get into the league or someone who was bouncing between the majors and the minors and I truly thought that taking Steroids or HGH would let me establish myself as a full time major leaguer than I probably would have done it. I obviously would have known what I was doing was wrong but so close to a dream I think I would have sacrificed my morals and attempted to achieve the dream.

So what do you think, what would you have done in either of those scenarios?


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My Mitchell Fantasy Squad

Wednesday, December 12, 2007


Over at EC we held a Mitchell Report Fantasy Draft where the objective is to pick out those who you think will wind up in the Mitchell Report. The only guidelines were that you could not pick Balco boys and those that have already been busted by MLB. We held the draft this afternoon and here are my selections.

1. Ivan Rodriguez - He's got no power anymore and lost like 30 pounds one off season. Plus he played with Canseco and a bunch of obvious juicers.

2. Nomar - Has anyone gotten injured more than Nomar since they started testing? Plus the guy has no power whatsoever anymore.

3. Jay Payton - I wanted to pick a Met because of the whole Radomski thing and I couldn't quite decide but landed on Jay Payton after I saw that pick and the fact that he's now a bum.

4. Jeff Bagwell - Probably my worst pick. I think he juiced but I just don't know if he winds up in the report.

5. Sammy Sosa - I guess people were not aware they could draft Sosa. But he's never been busted by anyone. But he definitely took roids so here's hoping he ends up in the report.

Check out my competition if you want.

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Clue Game Rebus


Here's a long awaited rebus. Remember the rules are... Winner is the first to identify the associated person, place or thing in the comments section. The Ultimate winner is the person who manages to put together what all the clues and answer is. I will post the answers sometime later if this isn't accomplished.

So start your guessin...

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Petrino Jumping From One Sinking Ship to Another


All these people killing Bobby Petrino for leaving the Falcons need to calm down. If you signed up for a job which had one key perk and before you even started getting assessed for the job that perk was taken away what would you do? Would you stick around and fail because you're missing the ingredient you thought would make you successful or would you jump ship before your stock was irreparably damaged? The Falcons really have no hope in the short term. Teams without a quarterback don't get miraculously better in a year. The Falcons are going to have to utilize one of their top picks to bring in a Quarterback which is always an extremely dangerous proposition and usually does not lead to early success. Meanwhile the teams repeated failure would continue to weigh on Petrino's mind and his image. By leaving now he cut his losses. Most people would do the same thing.

However I don't get the move to Arkansas. They're going to lose McFadden, their #1 and #2 wideouts and possibly #2 running back Felix Jones if he wants to make money. They're in the SEC so they never play an easy schedule and they always have a ton of recruiting competition. There's a reason Arkansas has been turned down so much during this short hiring process, it's not that attractive of a job. It has tradition, but not one that is above and beyond the typical SEC tradition. It does not have the talent to win next year which will put a lot of pressure on the 2009 season. They additionally start a series with Texas next year so add another tough challenge every year on their schedule.

So in the long run Petrino has probably been kicking himself about his decision to leave Louisville everyday since Bad Newz Kennelz was first unveiled. He probably wishes he could go back to Louisville right now but when a Big Conference school came calling he had to accept.

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Al Horford for the DR Volleyball Team


That was a mean spike, he'd probably be sick on the Dominican Republic Olympic Volleyball team. In all seriousness though hopefully he didn't dislodge TJ Ford's to fused vertebrae in his neck, that would probably be bad.

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The Cubs Go Asian


The Cubbies are going Asian as they have won the Fukudome sweepstakes and will bring in the Japanese right fielder to replace the traded Jacque Jones. It seems like a good move for the Cubbies nothing says bonus merchandising like signing an Asian hero. Additionally in 2006 he lit up the Central league hitting .351 with 31 dingers and won the MVP. He's a lefty so he could bring balance to the Soriano, Lee, Aramis right handed overload in the middle of the lineup. They did give him $12 million a year which seems a bit much for a player who's never hit a single baseball in the majors but it was probably the right move.

Having said that with the Cubs luck chances are high that Fukudome will just end up being the Asian Jacque Jones and won't help the team at all. I can say that I can't wait for announcers to say Fukudome consistently.

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NFL Week 14 Awards

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Wow You Guys Suck: San Francisco 49ers, When you completely shutdown the best player on the other team, and 3 yards is a total shutdown, but you still lose by 20 points you know just how badly your team sucks. It took Trent one pass attempt to throw a touchdwown for the wrong team. The Pats will enjoy their 2nd overall draft pick. Runners Up: Atlanta is just a piss poor team, Miami needs no elaboration.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Anthony Smith, Way to back up all that shit talk Anthony. You played so well this weekend and so did your team. WHy are you even talking to the press anyway. No one knows who you are. Next time perhaps you should just say next question. Runners Up: Apparently Mangini screwed up the entire last two minutes of the game to which I respond who cares, the Steelers '#1' D forgot that receivers needed to be covered and pressure needed to be put on the quarterback.

Cough Cough Cough: Detroit Lions, At half time I thought to myself damn the Lions actually might still be kicking after their piss poor 2nd half start. And then much like their season they collapsed in the 2nd half. Witten intially bailed them out with a fumble at the one but the Lions choked on the field goal attempt and then just let the Cowboys drive the length of the field yet again for the winning td. Runners Up: Tennessee equally watched their playoff hopes slip away when they coughed up a should have been win against the Bolts, Pittsburgh's secondary cause I want to pile it on.

The Shocker: Houston Texans, Um I guess you can consider this a shock but the Bucs aren't very good they are simply a product of their easy schedule. But... Runners Up: 2 of the 16 underdogs won this week one was the Texans and the other was the Giants who are going to the playoffs while the Eagles are not it was a very predictable and dull weekend for the NFL.

The Pimp: Tom Brady, this repeat cycle is already old. He's 4 touchdowns away from the all time record and he kicked the shit out of me in my fantasy playoff matchup. And in the next two weeks Tom Brady is going to win 80% of the fantasy leagues out there after he puts up 5 touchdowns against both the Jets and the Dolphins. Runners Up: Todd Collins um ya you're still in the NFL apparently and I guess you play better than well most of the QBs in the league, Tony Romo is a poor man's Brady (Typical Football Analyst Comment).

You Got JAKKED UP: Vince Young/Shawne Merriman, Young got knocked up pretty bad by a cheap shot by Merriman. And then the Titans hurt Merriman, quality karma.

My Fantasy Anti-MVP: Purple Jesus, Um hey Adrian, I know you've been awesome the entire season, but it would be nice if you god damn show up in my playoff matchup when I'm facing Tom Brady for the third time of the season. 3 yards? Nice job.

New York Jets MVP: Who Cares, I really only will care if the Jets beat the Pats this week, the rest of the games outcomes are meaningless to me.

My Picks

My Picks: 13-3
Preseason Picks: 10-6
Picks Vs. Spread: 8-8

Just call me Mr. 500.

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Rebus Quick Hitters


Once again a Quick Hitters Version. Each # is associated to a person, place or thing. The entire Rebus is set under a given theme. Post the answers in the comments for both each entry and the theme. Have at it.

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Yanks Sign the Black Farnsworth

Looking forward to the 2008 baseball season already? Are you a Yankee fan or a Yankee Hater? Well if so you may have missed an important transaction over the weekend which may interest you. The Yankees signed hard throwing righty Latroy Hawkins to a 1 year contract to pitch out of the New York Bullpen.

What does that mean for New York fans? Well now they will have one more person that comes out of their bullpen to hate. If there's one person who just might take the 'most hated man in the bullpen tag' away from Farny it's Latroy Hawkins. Latroy was very good for the Rockies last year, but that's the Rockies and no one was paying attention to him. The one year he was a closer for the entire season? 5.96 era. His second opportunity as a full time closer? He blew 9 of his 34 save opportunities for the Cubs. The one year he spent in the AL East as a pitcher? 4.48 era. Not inspiring lots of confidence.

Maybe he'll pitch similarly to his season in Colorado last year or some of his stellar set up performances with the Twins but there's a good chance he's going to be hated by Yankee fans everywhere and cheered for when brought in at Fenway by the nation.

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More Reason to Avoid Jersey

Just in case you for some reason needed more reason to avoid the dump that is Newark New Jersey, the kind state senators quickly voted on an act to punish anyone visiting their brand new arena. The senate has decided to inflict a 5% tax on all tickets in the new arena to help with the necessary security needed outside the arena.

"We have to provide the security we need without impacting the community we live in," said Sen. Ronald Rice (D-Essex) a former Newark deputy mayor and sponsor of the measures. Star-Ledger

So pretty much Newark is admitting that their community is a complete dump and that it needs massive security to ensure the safety of those that travel to their new arena, but they do not want to bare the costs. Instead they want to dump another annoying surcharge on those that venture into their community and actually spend money on their community. I guess the hundreds of jobs and the extra tax dollars it is generating for the community of Newark just wasn't enough. Perhaps they just want to convince people not to come to only thing worthwhile in their shit city.

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Perhaps the Patriots Should Practice Charity

Monday, December 10, 2007

Much will be made this week of the Cameragate and the Jets ratting them out and blah blah blah we've already been over this a thousand times. I'm certain that you'll hear someone say that the NFL obviously cared because they punished them by taking away their draft pick for this season. Well I think I have a better solution to the punishment received for Cameragate.

When people commit silly petty crimes in America they are often times given community service hours. Whether this be working to clean up the dirty streets of America or working at a soup kitchen they are always done for the betterment of the community. Personally I like when the punishments given force people to help those that are less fortunate than themselves. This is why I think that instead of the Patriots simply being removed their own first round draft pick, simply resulting in one less college kid saying that they were a first round draft pick, I suggest that the Patriots use this pick to give to those that are less fortunate. Give to those that are starving and have no hope.

This is why the New England Patriots should simply forfeit their draft pick over to the Miami Dolphins. The Dolphins are going to go down as the worst team in NFL history. They've already been slaughtered by the inept New York Jets this season, they have no quarterback, they need just about every position imaginable. They really have no hope. So why not just give the Patriots pick to the Dolphins they really are the homeless guy at the soup kitchen in the NFL. The Pats should pass them a little Navy Bean soup.

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The Scalabrine Watch Week 6

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my intense dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track the inept deadbeat in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch.

Celtics 113 76ers 103: -3
Scals got in for a whopping 2 minutes against the 76ers early in the week, to which he contributed absolutely no statistic. Not a point, not a rebound, Not a foul not a turnover, nothing. Zeros across the board.

Game Stats: 2 Minutes, 0-0, 0 Points, 0 Rebounds, 0 Assists

Celtics 112 Nets 84: -4
The Celtics had this one in the bag going into the 4th with a 36 point lead. Thus Scals and the rest of the bench got a lot of burn in the 4th. The bench was pointlessly outscored by 8 points to seal a 28 point victory.

Game Stats: 10 Minutes, 1-3, 5 Points, 0 Rebounds, 1 Assist, 1 Block

Celtics 91 Bulls 81: DNP
Scals first Coach's DNP of the season. The Energy Beacon is down for a night and Doc apparently is shifting his trust to the younger guys on the bench.

Game Stats: Coach's DNP

Overall Week Performance: -7
The first negative week of the season, I'm shocked it took 6 weeks for the negative to occur but I would expect a few more coming the remainer of the season as Scals seems to only be getting burn when the game is all but over and KG, Pierce and Allen are resting on the bench.

Week Stats: 35 Minutes, 1-3, 5 Points, 0 Rebounds, 1 Assist, 1 Block

Overall Season Performance: +37
Scals first negative week of brought the +/- back down to the thirties but with his vastly decreasing pt it will be amazing if he struggles enough to ever go back to par for the course.

Season Stats:11 MPG, .349 FG%, 2.5 PPG, 1.7 RPG, 0.9 APG

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Great Moments in Praising the Jesus

Everyone seems to be so inclined to praise Jesus when things are going well. Does Jesus not exist when shit hits the fan? That's what Great Moments in Praising Jesus are for.


Jesus helped you win the Heisman Tim but he also helped you lose to LSU.

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