SimonOnSports

The 3rd of the Four Part Series Analyzing the Composition of the NBA. Check out part 1, the BCS Conferences , part 2, the High Schoolers and part 4 the Non-BCS Schools . This list of Foreigners only includes those that did not attend college in the United States. Thus players like Steve Nash (Santa Clara), Darius Songaila (Wake Forest), Linas Kleiza (Mizzou), etc. will not be incorporated into this list. The only players to be included are the straight to the NBA players. For instance Yao Ming, Dirk Nowitzki, Manu Ginobli, etc. Players who were drafted out of their local pro leagues. Eastern Europe (23) Starting Roster: Marko Jaric, Peja Stojakovic, Hedo Turkoglu, Andrei Kirilenko, Mehmet Okur Bench Players: Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Andris Biedrins, Beno Udrih, Bostjan Nachbar, Darko Milicic, Vladimir Radmanovic, Sasha Vujacic Players Cut: Gordan Giricek, Nenad Krstic, Sasha Pavlovic, Zaza Pachulia, Rasho Nesterovic, Primoz Brezec, Kyrylo Fesenko, Oleksiy Pecherov, Marcin Gortat, K...

Who needs to take a dump in plain open site? Perhaps George Zell, NASCAR, or the Central Coast Mariners should travel to China. 1. China - If you plan on going to the Olympics there are plenty of things you will have to worry about. Of course there is the massive amount of pollution surrounding Beijing. In addition to having the black lung you will now have to deal with a lot of awkwardness if you plan on rocking any deuces. That is unless you are completely comfortable with squatting over a ditch in the middle of public. Cause if you enjoy that you'll be right at home. 2. NASCAR - Rain delays are always miserable no matter what sport you are at. No matter what you have to sit and wait around and there's always a good chance the game won't ever start again. For NASCAR this weekend they told the fans that the race was going to restart at midnight. And well it didn't but they didn't let the fans know that until midnight. 3. Central Coast Mariners - You just l...

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos In Order Courtesy of AA *2 , Hot Clicks , Basketbawful , Deadspin , Ballhype , Grand National Champs , Bookie Man , ESPN, President Bush, JetsCentral I thought he was gonna take it for a sec. Wow a shocker the Duke mascot is a pussy. She wants to Sex Mutombo. Man that Zach Randolph is a premium talent. Control that enthusiasm there Steph. Perhaps you should just give the ball to the other team. No fucking way he took Social Studies? Why aren't you running for president? And why aren't you mentioning how you were a White Running Back? Even videos where people make fun of Duke piss me off. It must have taken them a lot of effort to make Walton look like a hippy. Pig Latin is actually his first language. Thank the good lord there will ...

So last night I watched the hilarious Seinfeld issue where David Putty paints his face for the Devils game. He then acts like a complete psycho and scares off the entire crew. Then Elaine tries to break up with him after calling him a Face Painter, which got me thinking. People should really not paint their faces when going to games. You Look absolutely ridiculous. Oooohhh did you two do each others make up? That's so cute. Are these Gator Fans the Sons of the Blue Man Group and the unknown Orange Man? The Vertical Stripes really bring out the Double Chin. And you would look just as ridiculous if you bought one of these dumb masks that makes you look like a face painter. And then there are the people that take it all the way and paint their body and their face. Sometimes they even get some paint on the crotch of their shorts too. You would think a kid going to Princeton would be smarter than this but alas they are as dumb as the general population. More experienced players go ...

The 2nd of the Four Part Series Analyzing the Composition of the NBA. Check out part 1, the BCS Conferences , part 3 and part 4 the Non-BCS Schools . For the purpose of this High School discussion I wanted to break them up into theoretical teams. Since 33 players are currently playing in the NBA as High Schoolers, with a much higher percentage being Superstars than that of a college conference, I split them into two categories. Players from the Big 12, ACC, SEC portion of the US. And players from the Big East, Big 10, Pac 10 portion of the US. This actually split the two groups to 17 and 16 respectively. East, North and West (17) Starting Roster: Shaun Livingston, Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Kevin Garnett, Tyson Chandler Bench Players: DeShawn Stevenson, Eddy Curry, Al Harrington, Andrew Bynum, J.R. Smith, Sebastian Telfair, Martell Webster Players Cut: Andray Blatche, Darius Miles, Robert Swift, Amir Johnson, Dorell Wright Roster Strength: The Best Three Players in the NBA, Su...

Unlike the NFL ones this will be a Four Part Series. BCS Conferences , High Schoolers , the Non-BCS Schools and Foreigners . Rosters used were taken in early February from ESPN.com so there will be some mild inaccuracies. Today we break down the BCS Conferences. The Conferences are listed in order of total number of players in the NBA. Then analyzed with their theoretical NBA roster created using these active players, the current NBA Team with the most players from the conference, which school has the most representatives, and the total number of schools with representatives. Here goes. ACC (56) Conference Starting 5: Chris Paul, Vince Carter, Josh Howard, Chris Bosh, Tim Duncan Bench: Rasheed Wallace, Elton Brand, Shane Battier, Luol Deng, Grant Hill, Carlos Boozer, Sam Cassell Roster Strength: Point Guard and Post Play, The ACC has one of the best point guards in the NBA and they run 5 deep in terrific big men. The ACC would be a very well rounded team. Roster Weakness: Too M...

Glorious day. The Jets have finally rid themselves of Justin No Hands McCareins. McCareins was just another reminder of how stupid the old administration was. They traded a 2nd round pick for a wideout who could not catch. This season alone he single handedly botched both the Ravens game and sucked it up big time in a competitive game with the Pats. Too bad the new administration is to stupid to realize that Jonathan Vilma is an absolute beast and that somehow some way there should be a way to utilize his talents. Instead they're going to trade him away. Solid... I'll probably have more venting on this in the near future. But for right now it's celebration time.

The San Francisco Giants have had enough of BALCO and steroids and have understandably not brought back Barry Bonds. The problem? What's left of their offense is the shittiest in the league. The Giants are a collection of veterans on the downward side of their career. If they do not finish last in the NL in run production I will be surprised. If they do not finish amongst the last few teams in run production I will be shocked. So let's take a look at their putrid starting lineup. All players ranked in order according to their VORP, which stands for Value Over Replacement Player. I'm not going to go over exactly how it's calculated, cause well I don't know. Center Field Aaron Rowand (52.0): Aaron Rowand was a 'big' free agent acquisition. He will 'fill' Barry Bonds spot in the line up. He's also coming off a career season helped by the Phillies potent line up as well as their band box ball park. Surrounded by a miserable lineup in a much...

I'm not much of a link giver, but I thought these were pretty solid at extending the the Eduardo da Silva broken leg fun from the weekend. Apparently Eduardo Could Have Lost his Foot [ ESPN ] So not surprisingly doctors said that if the paramedics didn't do a good job of quickly treating his foot dislocation, Eduardo probably would have had his foot amputated. 10 Gut Wrenching Broken Legs via Youtube [ Who Ate All the Pies ] A collection of videos of people breaking their legs. Some are pretty damn gross. Top Hate Tackles via Youtube [ Who Ate All the Pies ] While most Americans think soccer is for little girls, if you want to hurt someone you still have a ton of opportunity to do so.

Real Madrid is often thought of as the New York Yankees of the soccer world. Buying the best players in the world cause they have a lot of money. Well apparently these players lack a certain level of intelligence. After 'scoring' a goal the squad celebrates the prototypical soccer way, running around the field screaming and hugging. Unfortunately they don't notice the fact that their passer, Raul was offside and thus the goal does not count. Getafe, their opponent, on the other hand, took notice to the linesman's offside flag. They spotted the ball and raced the length of the field with a basketball like 3 on 2 fast break. They pounded it home for the only goal of the game. With the loss Real Madrid's lead over Barcelona, another Spanish powerhouse, was reduced from 4 points to a single point. Quite stupid. Courtesy of The Offside

I love St. Patrick's day as much as the typical redheaded Irish American. I love Guinness. I love enjoying Guinness. I enjoy wearing green. I even typically purchase a St. Patty's day shirt on a yearly basis. What I don't get is why people want to purchase MLB St. Patty Day apparel? Contrary to popular belief the New York Yankees nor the Boston Red Sox nor any other MLB team influenced St. Patrick in his mission across Ireland. They have nothing to do with Irish heritage nor even wear the color green in their jerseys. Why the hell do people buy this stuff? Would you seriously look at a person with a four leaf clover behind their teams logo and think damn their cool? Or are you more than likely thinking, why the hell are you wearing a green Phillies t-shirt. St. Patty's day was months ago. Hell the friggin holiday isn't even during the regular season. Additionally it's not like the clothing you buy is unique. MLB just prints the same shit for a bunc...

Is Bartolo Colon the Product of Nacho Libre and a Toad? Me Thinks So.

One thing that has always bothered me in the world of sports is the fan voting process for all star games . The fan vote always turns into a popularity contest rather than a merit for a solid yearly performance. Sure in some cases a player having a terrific season will become a media darling and see his popularity rise. But in the end there many cases where a player gets in solely on the past thus robbing a truly deserving individual. Does this problem really lie with having fans in general vote? No not really. The problem is letting everyone vote no matter how ill-informed they are on the current times. If you haven't watched more than 2 NBA games this season should you really be given the opportunity to help decide who gets rewarded. In my opinion of course not. Eventually the more often a non deserving player gets in the less credible the meaningful the game becomes, and thus inspires less voting from the knowledgeable. Much is the same problem with the world of politics. ...

Meet Argentinian girl Pamela . Much like Lebron James she is a young phenom. She has done something that most people would have never believed possible. She has pushed the limits of the human body. So what has mighty Pamela done? She's given birth to 7 children. 7 Children is certainly a big number, but it's been done before. And no the 7 weren't all at the same time. Nothing that draw dropping with having 7 kids in your life time right? Well how about when your life time isn't even 17 full years yet. That's right Pamela from Argentina has 7 kids and she has yet to turn 17. How the fuck is that possible you might be asking. Well when you ship out two sets of triplets and a single child all in a three year span it can be done. One would have thought perhaps after the first child she would have stopped having sex. Or perhaps after the first set of triplets the mother would have clamped down on the insemination process. But nope Pamela got her fertile self...

~My brain is currently all over the place. So we shall have a Quick Notes rather than a coherent thought as I currently do not seem capable of long coherent thoughts. ~First off February is god damn boring. ~Memphis can't hit free throws. They have superior athletes and talent all over the court and can hit about 5 triples in a row, but they can't make a free throw. Shit boggles my mind. ~Bracket Buster whatever was this week for ESPN, which means in 2 weeks when you (I) start to care about who is on the bubble the analysts will inform you of what games did and did not matter. ~Bartolo Colon is the new El Guapo. Rich Garces will have to show him around the Boston eateries. ~The Suns got drop kicked by the Pistons yesterday. Pathetic showing. ~NASCAR got rained out mid race. Another lame part of NASCAR has been added. ~Tiger Woods dominated. Might as well be a permanent header on the Google News Sports tab. ~If only Justin Leonard sacked up and dropped Stewie in the semi...

After informing the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentleman about the delicious Stephen A. Cheez Doodles segment . They did what I was too lazy to do. Purchase the podcast and put the audio to youtube . That was even more preposterous than I remembered.

Stop taking a dive you little girl. Fake broken bones are not funny at all.

Some class acts this week. 1. Vin Baker - The place actually looks quite nice . And yet Vin Baker couldn't even salvage his restaurant from getting foreclosed on. He even borrowed 400,000 grand from his parents. Yes the very same Vin Baker that made millions upon millions upon millions of dollars for being one of the most useless players in NBA history has wasted all of his money to the point where a 400K loan from his parents isn't enough. 2. Jerome Mathis - Choking woman is not very acceptable Jerome. Choking your girlfriend is definitely not acceptable. Choking your pregnant girlfriend? Dude what the hell is wrong with you. You are a complete scumbag. I hope you get cut. 3. The Fielders - I couldn't decide which Fielder to pick. Either the wife who gave Prince a book about the negatives of eating meat. Probably in an attempt to turn her husband into a vegetarian. Or Prince for actually taking the book to heart and turning into a vegetarian. How whipped are yo...

I think Brian misses his 2007 Golden Showers .

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos In Order Courtesy of Hotclicks , CO-ED Magazine * 2 , TBL , Green and Gold Rugby , me, Funny or Die , Fan IQ , With Leather http://view.break.com/453711 - Watch more free videos Keep that guy away from sharp objects and ropes. Hoola Hooping is a sport right? Well that was painfully boring. Probably why he won over Lloyd Carr. Might want to have quicker reaction time. What a social life this guy must have. Ron Burgundy Interviews Tom Izzo on FunnyOrDie.com I'm Ron Burgundy? Yes Set off the Fireworks for broken bones. Hmm, next time I go bowling...

So the Cavs traded for Ben Wallace, Wally World and Delonte West today and now people are proclaiming them contenders for the NBA East. Um why? Ben Wallace is not that good. First off here are some facts. Ben Wallace is amongst the worst offensive players in the entire NBA. He is averaging 5 points a game in over 30 minutes. 5 points a game. Probably because the man can't shoot. He is shooting 37% from the field this season and is a career 41.7% Free Throw shooter. I bet at minimum 1 out of every 5 casual basketball players are better than a 42% free throw shooter. Ben Wallace's career hire average for points in a season was 9.7 in the 04-05 season for Detroit. Ben Wallace is a complete liability on the offensive end. Drew Gooden on the other hand, while certainly nothing special, averages 11 points more and only .5 rebounds less per game in less minutes than Ben Wallace. Sure Ben Wallace will improve their defense some. But he isn't the defender he once was an...

Stephen A. Smith opened his NYC radio broadcast venting on the Knicks. Nothing new there. The first hour of his show is NYC only and thus being a basketball guy he yells and screams about the Knicks a lot. Pretty much every show opens with the same Knick vent. But apparently the 40 point beat down pushed Stephen A. to new levels. Levels to which I have never heard from Stephen. And what was that level? Stephen A. screaming about his affinity for Cheese Doodles. After the typical yelling and screaming about the Knicks for a few minutes, Stephen A. turned the majority of the venting into a a platform for his favorite snack, Cheese Doodles. He mentioned how when he gets frustrated he eats cheese doodles. He warned the callers that they might hear him munching on cheese doodles in the background. But the best of the bunch centered on the fat center for the New York Knicks, when Stephen A. proclamed that he would trade Eddy Curry for a bag of Cheese Doodles. Yes, Cheese Doodles are t...

So I was perusing the banks of College Photos from last night and honestly the most entertaining photos are all from coaches. Within one night of college basketball you can find pictures of coaches displaying almost every emotion. Bruce Pearl is Annoyed by a 20 Point Victory. John Calipari Really Wants a High Five Jimmy Collins Just Wants a Hug Ed DeChellis is Pointing Out the Hottest Girl in the Stands Jim Boylen is Contemplating Murder Bo Ryan is Contemplating Punching the Ref in the Face Seth Greenberg Just Wants to Know Where the Restrooms Are Roy Williams is Giddy Like a School Girl Stan Heath is Bored Dave Dickerson is Pleading for Just 1 More Cookie Brad Stevens is Befuddled Gary Williams is Victorious Coach K is Defeated Kelvin Sampson is Suspended in Disbelief So Indiana didn't play last night. Whatever.