Who Wants the Scraps?

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Pitchers and catchers is just around the corner and rosters are so close to being filled out. Yet there are still some warm bodies out there for the picking. Mostly elder washed up bodies, but warm bodies nonetheless. So let's rank the bodies from dead fish to hey maybe you actually could be of some use.

Out for 2008

63. Mike Matheny, C -
He retired last year.

62. Akinori Otsuka, RP - Bum arm out for 2008. Plus he's old so signing him to a multi year deal is probably not the wisest decision. Just wait to 09 and offer a minor league deal.

61. Neifi Perez, SS - On Drug Suspension for most of the year. And he's not good anyway.

Umm Who the Hell Are You

60. Sean Barker, CF -
Sorry not familiar with Sean Barker.

59. Brad Salmon, RP - I enjoy salmon.

58. Brian Rogers, RP - Mr. Rogers wears a sweater.

57. Andy Gonzalez, 3B - Not Adrian.

56. Bronson Sardinha, LF -
I know who Bronson is only because he's Melky and Matsui's love child.

55. Mike O'Connor, SP - 3-8 with a 4.81 era for the Nationals means you're probably a AAA player.

54. Jerry Gil, SS - No idea.

53. Jose Garcia, SP - With a name like Jose, how could you blend in?

52. Yukinaga Maeda, RP - Just cause your Japanese, doesn't mean you are any good.

You Haven't Retired Yet?

51. Mike Lieberthal, C -
Lieberthal is actually the only one who has officially retired on this list.

50. Ron Villone, RP - You're washed up Ron.

49. Sandy Alomar Jr., C - What are you doing playing in the minors and being a scrub 4th team catcher. Just go into coaching like your dad.

48. David Wells, SP - Come on Boomer just hang it up already. Don't even contemplate coming back. You're lucky you didn't beach yourself in San Diego.

47. Reggie Sanders, RF - Give it up Reggie no one wants you anymore.

46. Jose Mesa, RP -
ERA > 7 = Retire

45. Roger Clemens, SP - Please Please just retire for the benefit of everyone.

44. Julio Franco, 1B - Join a sotball league already.

43. Kelly Stinnett, C -
38 and a 160 hitter = Retirement.

42. Rondell White, LF - He's 99% sure he's going to retire. So just do it.

41. Tony Batista, 1B - How the hell did Tony Batista get into 80 games last year?

40. Tony Clark, 1B - You've been grey for over 10 years.

39. Aaron Sele, RP - People that suck at long relief do not belong in the majors anymore.

38. Sammy Sosa, DH - You hit 21 homers last year, but you can't play the field and you hit .250. Better DHs are easily had.

Can You Make a Roster?

37. Jason Tyner, LF - Is the career home run total at 1 or 2 now?

36. Jerry Hairston Jr., CF - Probably more Mitchell Report mentions than teams interested in Jerry.

35. Nook Logan, CF -
The goofier named Tyner?

34. Mark Sweeney, 1B - He seemed to get a long with Barry Bonds, which is a heroic accomplishment.

33. Trot Nixon, RF - Care to do a minimum amount of platooning against righties?

32. Ryan Klesko, 1B - Remember when you had power. Man that was a long time ago.

31. Corey Koskie, 3B - Good thing you got injured last year so the Brewers could slot in Braun.

30. Russ Ortiz, SP - Remember when the Dbacks gave him all that money? Man that was stupid.

29. Rodrigo Lopez, SP - One of those guys that you thought would eventually have a breakout, but it never came.

28. John Thomson, SP - He had a good season once.

27. Orlando Palmeiro, LF - He could be a backup. I guess.

26. Tony Graffanino, 2B - Welcome to back up infielder corner.

25. Jeff Cirillo, 3B - Where Jeff joins Tony.

24. Kevin Mench, LF - He's got a very big head, and he got hot when he was wearing the wrong shoes.

23. Preston Wilson, RF - From all star caliber to completely unwanted.

22. Russell Branyan, 3B - A swing and miss.

21. Eric Milton, SP - Always a name people know, but never a really good pitcher.

20. Josh Fogg, SP - Josh Fogg starting big games explains why the Rockies didn't win it all.

19. Shawn Chacon, RP - He shows flashes every once in awhile so he may be good for a start or two throughout the season.

18. Damian Miller, C - Possibly a still serviceable backup catcher.

17. Byung-Hyun Kim, SP - How could someone be so dominant as a closer and then just bail ship so quickly. Someone can salvage BK's career right?

16. Odalis Perez, SP - At one point in time Odalis was really good right?

Do You Have Some More Juice Left?

15. Antonio Alfonseca, RP - Umm, he's got 6 fingers on each hand. That's a good addition to a roster.

14. Bob Wickman, RP - Two seasons ago he was still a serviceable closer. And then last year his fat ass was a bum. If someone is desperate for a 2nd option at closer, gettin Wicky with it could be their desperate move.

13. Kenny Lofton, CF - Somehow someway Kenny always seems to contribute.

12. Shawn Green, RF - If you need a role model for your local Jewish population.

11. Armando Benitez, RP - He still has a fastball which could be of use. But he's still a massive headache.

10. Livan Hernandez, SP - Always been a workhorse, the only problem is the work has been shotty as of late... Sorry Boys but Livan is taking his warm bodied Cuban Self to Minnesota.

9. Shannon Stewart, LF - He hit .290 last year for Oakland while on the field. But he's injury plagued and doesn't have any power remaining.

8. Mike Piazza, DH - A 3rd catcher with veteran leadership and some pop left in his bat.

7. Barry Bonds, LF - Barroid could certainly help a team in the DH role despite all of his negative baggage.

Why Haven't You Been Signed Yet?

6. Jeff Weaver, SP - Jeff Weaver should be the poster boy for Scott Boras Agency Abuse.

5. Kris Benson, SP - It's a package deal with a big rack. And if he cheats everyone in the clubhouse scores. Why hasn't anyone hopped aboard yet?

4. Kyle Lohse, SP - A case where you aren't very good but the market dictates you are one of the top options. So you wait and wait for the best offer until teams eventually realize that giving ten million dollars to Kyle Lohse is not a prudent financial decision.

3. Bartolo Colon, SP - Maybe if you weren't so damn fat people would want to sign you.

2. Freddy Garcia, SP - The velocity is way down and he had an injury plagued 2007. But he's 2 years off a 17 win season and 3 years of a 3.86 era. If you need a 4th or 5th starter why not bring in Freddy?

1. Corey Patterson, CF - Moderate power. A ton of speed. Solid in the outfield. A below average contact hitter. In the right situation for the right team Corey Patterson could be a very valuable 4th outfielder and I am unsure why nobody has bitten on him yet.

Posted by Simon at 8:44 PM   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!


There are wayyyyy too many recent and possible future Phillies near the top of this list.

Anonymous said...
10:39 AM  

can we say nasty for the sake of nasty?

Anonymous said...
10:41 AM  

What an amazing list. I'm happy to know half the people on there and am shocked that Sandy Alomar is on there. I thought he retired 4 years ago.

Brave Sir Robin said...
11:36 AM  

"How the hell did Tony Batista get into 80 games last year?"

By playing for the Nats. He was their #1 pinch hitting option.

11:39 AM  

Nook Logan may be more goofily named than Jason Tyner, but only if you ignore middle names. Tyner's middle name is Renyt, which is Tyner backwards.

12:12 PM  

Apparently Tyner's parents should co-author the naming section in Britney Spear's Mom's Parenting book.

Simon said...
12:31 PM  

Mr. Anna Benson has signed with the Phils:


JohnDewar said...
4:01 PM  

Tyner/Nook cracked me up, but I think Klesko retired. And not to be that guy, but a little respect for Koskie -- his injury's pretty effing serious, and he's been out since oh-six: http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/articles/2008/01/27/koskies_goal_a_normal_life/.

PL Underwood said...
9:51 PM  

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