The 3rd of the Four Part Series Analyzing the Composition of the NBA. Check out part 1, the BCS Conferences, part 2, the High Schoolers and part 4 the Non-BCS Schools.

This list of Foreigners only includes those that did not attend college in the United States. Thus players like Steve Nash (Santa Clara), Darius Songaila (Wake Forest), Linas Kleiza (Mizzou), etc. will not be incorporated into this list. The only players to be included are the straight to the NBA players. For instance Yao Ming, Dirk Nowitzki, Manu Ginobli, etc. Players who were drafted out of their local pro leagues.

Eastern Europe (23)

Starting Roster: Marko Jaric, Peja Stojakovic, Hedo Turkoglu, Andrei Kirilenko, Mehmet Okur
Bench Players: Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Andris Biedrins, Beno Udrih, Bostjan Nachbar, Darko Milicic, Vladimir Radmanovic, Sasha Vujacic
Players Cut: Gordan Giricek, Nenad Krstic, Sasha Pavlovic, Zaza Pachulia, Rasho Nesterovic, Primoz Brezec, Kyrylo Fesenko, Oleksiy Pecherov, Marcin Gortat, Kosta Perovic, Viktor Khryapa

Roster Strength: 3-Balls, In their starting 5 alone they have 4 consistant 3 point threats. Than on the bench they come with two of the Lakers key 3-point threats in Radmanovic and Vujacic.
Roster Weakness: Point Guard, Marko Jaric has for the most part been a disappointment in the NBA and Beno Udrih while having his best season of his career this year has only averaged just over 2 assists per game in his NBA career.

Country Representation: Serbia (7), Slovenia (5), Turkey (2), Russia (2), Ukraine (2), Poland (1), Croatia (1), Georgia (1), Latvia (1), Lithuania (1),

Sum Up: Had Yugoslavia and the USSR not been broken there would have only been 4 countries represented. Yugoslavia (13), USSR (6), Turkey (2) and Poland (1).

Western Europe (15)

Starting Roster:Jose Calderon, Tony Parker, Boris Diaw, Dirk Nowitzki, Pau Gasol
Bench Players: Andrea Bargnani, Mickael Pietrus, Jorge Garbajosa, Juan Carlos Navarro, Thabo Sefolosha, Johan Petro, Marco Belinelli
Players Cut: Mickael Gelabale, Sergio Rodriguez, Ian Mahinmi

Roster Strength: Point Guard Play, Jose Calderon has emerged as one of the best distributors in the NBA this year. His Assist to Turnover ratio is phenomenal. And of course Tony Parker has helped lead the Spurs to multiple championships.
Roster Weakness: Depth & 'Soft', The Western Europeans have a formidable starting 5, but in comparison to others they lack big time impact players coming off of the bench. Also, it appears that the 'soft' european monicker comes from the Western Europeans. Parker, Nowitzki, Diaw, Bargnani are all players that could be a lot more physical than they are.

Country Representation: France (6), Spain (6), Italy (2), Germany (1), Switzerland (1)

Sum Up: The French and Spanish leading the way with 6 is pretty surprising. All of the British basketball players seemingly head to the United States to play college ball and even high school ball before going to the NBA. See Luol Deng.

Non-Euros (15)

Starting Roster: Leandro Barbosa, Manu Ginobli, Andres Nocioni, Anderson Varejao, Yao Ming
Bench Players: Nene Hilario, Yi Jianlian, Walter Hermann, Luis Scola, Fabricia Oberto, Carlos Delfino, Marcus Vinicius
Players Cut: DJ Mbenga, Cheick Samb, Mouhamed Sene

Roster Strength: Point Guard Play, Barbosa is Phoenix's 'backup point guard' in name only. This squad really has no true point guard and could have trouble getting into their offensive sets.
Roster Weakness: Defense, The foreigners, especially the Argentinians, can play tremendous pressure defense. With Yao anchoring the middle and ball pressure all over the court it would be tough to put up a lot of points on this team.

Country Representation: Argentina (6), Brazil (4),Senegal (2), China (2), Congo (1)

Sum Up: Surprisingly there are only three players in the NBA right now from Africa that did not go to college in the US. Those three players are having little impact on the NBA.

Overall NBA Sum Up

Foreigners are impacting the NBA at an increasing level. The Raptors, Lakers and Spurs have built their teams using several important secondary options. Each team is now in a position to push for a conference title if not an NBA title with these key foreign contributors.

Total Straight to the NBA Foreigners: 53

Most Europeans: Toronto Raptors, Golden St. Warriors and Lakers with 4

Most South Americans: San Antonio Spurs with 2.

Most Foreigners: Toronto Raptors have 5.

Who needs to take a dump in plain open site? Perhaps George Zell, NASCAR, or the Central Coast Mariners should travel to China. 1. China - If you plan on going to the Olympics there are plenty of things you will have to worry about. Of course there is the massive amount of pollution surrounding Beijing. In addition to having the black lung you will now have to deal with a lot of awkwardness if you plan on rocking any deuces. That is unless you are completely comfortable with squatting over a ditch in the middle of public. Cause if you enjoy that you'll be right at home. 2. NASCAR - Rain delays are always miserable no matter what sport you are at. No matter what you have to sit and wait around and there's always a good chance the game won't ever start again. For NASCAR this weekend they told the fans that the race was going to restart at midnight. And well it didn't but they didn't let the fans know that until midnight. 3. Central Coast Mariners - You just lost in your championship game, you are disappointed but happy about a relatively successful season. So you all decide to dress in ridiculous costumes to make yourselves feel better. So what costumes do you choose? Well the Black Face and Hitler of course. Nothing says party like Hitler. 4. George Zell - Wrigley field should be a historical landmark. I understand that naming rights for stadiums are becoming a huge source of income for professional sports teams, but Wrigley is a landmark. Wrigley is not the typical stadium. Wrigley's name should not be sold to the highest bidder. It should be named Wrigley. And that's it. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Jerome Mathis

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of AA *2, Hot Clicks, Basketbawful, Deadspin, Ballhype, Grand National Champs, Bookie Man, ESPN, President Bush, JetsCentral


I thought he was gonna take it for a sec.


Wow a shocker the Duke mascot is a pussy.


She wants to Sex Mutombo.


Man that Zach Randolph is a premium talent.


Control that enthusiasm there Steph.


Perhaps you should just give the ball to the other team.


No fucking way he took Social Studies? Why aren't you running for president? And why aren't you mentioning how you were a White Running Back?


Even videos where people make fun of Duke piss me off.


It must have taken them a lot of effort to make Walton look like a hippy.


Pig Latin is actually his first language.


Thank the good lord there will be no more of that.

So last night I watched the hilarious Seinfeld issue where David Putty paints his face for the Devils game. He then acts like a complete psycho and scares off the entire crew. Then Elaine tries to break up with him after calling him a Face Painter, which got me thinking. People should really not paint their faces when going to games. You Look absolutely ridiculous.



Oooohhh did you two do each others make up? That's so cute.



Are these Gator Fans the Sons of the Blue Man Group and the unknown Orange Man?



The Vertical Stripes really bring out the Double Chin.



And you would look just as ridiculous if you bought one of these dumb masks that makes you look like a face painter.



And then there are the people that take it all the way and paint their body and their face. Sometimes they even get some paint on the crotch of their shorts too.



You would think a kid going to Princeton would be smarter than this but alas they are as dumb as the general population.



More experienced players go with the Tiger outfit in addition to the face paint to go the extra mile in freaking out Tiger Woods.



And of course you have the clown that paints on a jersey and eye block like he's an actual player.



With all that being said and all that hate emitted, I am completely ok with the Painted on Jersey if you look like this.



Or Like This.



Or Even Like This.



Or Even a Cursed Cubs Fan



Thank You SI

The 2nd of the Four Part Series Analyzing the Composition of the NBA. Check out part 1, the BCS Conferences, part 3 and part 4 the Non-BCS Schools.

For the purpose of this High School discussion I wanted to break them up into theoretical teams. Since 33 players are currently playing in the NBA as High Schoolers, with a much higher percentage being Superstars than that of a college conference, I split them into two categories. Players from the Big 12, ACC, SEC portion of the US. And players from the Big East, Big 10, Pac 10 portion of the US. This actually split the two groups to 17 and 16 respectively.

East, North and West (17)

Starting Roster: Shaun Livingston, Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Kevin Garnett, Tyson Chandler
Bench Players:DeShawn Stevenson, Eddy Curry, Al Harrington, Andrew Bynum, J.R. Smith, Sebastian Telfair, Martell Webster
Players Cut: Andray Blatche, Darius Miles, Robert Swift, Amir Johnson, Dorell Wright

Roster Strength: The Best Three Players in the NBA, Sure you can put Tim Duncan or Nash or a few others into the discussion but one could easily state that Kobe, Lebron and KG are the three best players in the NBA. And while there might be some argument or discussion after said statement there wouldn't be much.
Roster Weakness: Point Guard Play, Shaun Livingston is the Norths best point guard option, and he hasn't even come close to proving himself in the NBA. Plus he's knee went KABOOM last year. I even had to include Bassy on the team just so they had a backup point guard.

State Representation: California (5), Illinois (4), New Jersey (4), New York (1), Ohio (1), Pennsylvania (1), Washington (1)

South, Texas and Great Plains (16)

Starting Roster:Louis Williams, Tracy McGrady, Jermaine O'Neal, Amare Stoudemire, Dwight Howard
Bench Players:Al Jefferson, Travis Outlaw, Monta Ellis, Kendrick Perkins, Rashard Lewis, Josh Smith, Stephen Jackson
Players Cut: Kwame Brown, C.J. Miles, Gerald Green, DeSagana Diop

Roster Strength: Post Play, The High School South Boys have 4 absolute beasts in the paint. All can drop 20 and 10 with ease.
Roster Weakness: Point Guard Play, Just like the 'Northern' squad the Southerners don't have any big time point guards either. Chances are you've never heard of Louis Williams. Probably cause he's on the Sixers and they blow.

State Representation: Texas (4), Virginia (3), Georgia (3), Mississippi (2), Florida (1), North Carolina (1), South Carolina (1), Missouri (1)

Sum Up

For the most part these High School phenoms have that have remained in the NBA have turned into studs. They come from all over the country but mostly heavily populated areas. The one thing High Schoolers haven't give the NBA is the next great point guard.

Overall 23 teams in the NBA have a High Schooler on their roster with Portland and Golden State leading the way with three a piece.

Portland: Darius Miles, Martell Webster, Travis Outlaw
Golden St.: Al Harrington, Monta Ellis, Stephen Jackson

Note: All Player's Location Determined by the Prep School they Attended not by Birth Place

Unlike the NFL ones this will be a Four Part Series. BCS Conferences, High Schoolers, the Non-BCS Schools and Foreigners. Rosters used were taken in early February from ESPN.com so there will be some mild inaccuracies. Today we break down the BCS Conferences.

The Conferences are listed in order of total number of players in the NBA. Then analyzed with their theoretical NBA roster created using these active players, the current NBA Team with the most players from the conference, which school has the most representatives, and the total number of schools with representatives. Here goes.

ACC (56)

Conference Starting 5: Chris Paul, Vince Carter, Josh Howard, Chris Bosh, Tim Duncan
Bench: Rasheed Wallace, Elton Brand, Shane Battier, Luol Deng, Grant Hill, Carlos Boozer, Sam Cassell

Roster Strength: Point Guard and Post Play, The ACC has one of the best point guards in the NBA and they run 5 deep in terrific big men. The ACC would be a very well rounded team.
Roster Weakness: Too Many Dukies, Really this team would be pretty damn good. Other than having too many annoying Duke players the one thing that could be of worry would be three point shooting.

NBA Leader, LA Clippers (5): Elton Brand, Corey Maggette, Sam Cassell, Al Thornton, Josh Powell

Conference Leader, Duke (13): Shelden Williams, Luol Deng, Chris Duhon, Shane Battier, Mike Dunleavy, Elton Brand, Corey Maggette, J.J. Redick, Shavlik Randolph, Grant Hill, Josh McRoberts, Dahntay Jones, Carlos Boozer

Total Team Representatives (11): No Hokies. Which isn't surprisingly because they used to be in the basement of the Big East.

Big East (53)

Conference Starting 5: Allen Iverson, Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Ron Artest, Emeka Okafor
Bench: Ray Allen, Richard Hamilton, Rudy Gay, Ben Gordon, Kenyon Martin, Caron Butler, Marcus Williams

Roster Strength: Perimeter Scoring, the Big East has a lot of jump shooters. Other than that their roster would be very very limited.
Roster Weakness: Point Guard and Post Play, Surprisingly the Big East is very very weak with point guard representatives. I included Marcus Williams on the roster simply so they would have an actual point guard. The options were very very ugly. Additionally the Big East which once gave the NBA Ewing, Mutombo and Morning, now have no dominant post players in the NBA.

NBA Leader, Denver Nuggets (5): Kenyon Martin, Steven Hunter, Allen Iverson, Chucky Atkins, Carmelo Anthony

Conference Leader, UConn (13): Ray Allen, Emeka Okafor, Ben Gordon, Donyell Marshall, Richard Hamilton, Rudy Gay, Charlie Villanueva, Jake Voskuhl, Josh Boone, Marcus Williams, Hilton Armstrong, Kevin Ollie, Caron Butler

Total Team Representatives (15): The lone team not represented is West Virginia.

Pac 10 (44)

Conference Starting 5: Baron Davis, Brandon Roy, Richard Jefferson, Channing Frye, Dan Gadzuric
Bench: Jason Kidd, Mike Bibby, Jason Terry, Andre Iguodala, Gilbert Arenas, Shareef Abdur Rahim, Ike Diogu

Roster Strength: Point Guard Play, The Pac 10 runs 5 deep with all star point guards. Bibby, Davis and Terry are also versatile enough to play shooting guard if need be.
Roster Weakness: Rebounding and Big Men, The Pac 10 has zero dominant Big Men in the NBA. Not a single one is even particularly good. I had to reach for the starting Big Men nevermind the bench guys.

NBA Leader, Boston Celtics (4): Eddie House, Leon Powe, Gabe Pruitt, Brian Scalabrine

Conference Leader, UCLA (10): Ryan Hollins, Arron Afflalo, Matt Barnes, Baron Davis, Trevor Ariza, Jordan Farmar, Dan Gadzuric, Earl Watson, Jason Kapono, Darrick Martin

Total Team Representatives (9): The lone team without a representative is Wazzu.

SEC (39)

Conference Starting 5: Joe Johnson, Mike Miller, Gerald Wallace, Al Horford, Shaq
Bench: Tayshaun Prince, David Lee, Rajon Rondo, Mo Williams, Udonis Haslem, Antonio McDyess, Erick Dampier

Roster Strength: Rebounding, Everyone in the starting 5 and a bunch of bench players are solid rebounders in the NBA. Additionally the roster consists of a lot of size.
Roster Weakness: Point Guard, Joe Johnson never really worked out as a point guard but I've slotted him in here because the SEC does not have a stellar point guard representative.

NBA Leader, Charlotte Bobcats (4): Jermareo Davidson, Gerald Wallace, Derek Anderson, Nazr Mohammed

Conference Leader, Florida & Kentucky (10):

UF: Al Horford, Joakim Noah, Mike Miller, Udonis Haslem, Jason Williams, Corey Brewer, Chris Richard, David Lee, Taurean Green, Matt Bonner
UK: Rajon Rondo, Derek Anderson, Nazr Mohammed, Tayshaun Prince, Kelenna Azubuike, Chuck Hayes, Antoine Walker, Jamaal Magloire, Randolph Morris, Keith Bogans

Total Team Representatives (10): No Ole Miss or Vandy.

Big 10 (36)

Conference Starting 5: Deron Williams, Michael Redd, Michael Finley, Zach Randolph, Greg Oden
Bench: Devin Harris, Jason Richardson, Chris Webber, Jamal Crawford, Joel Przybilla, Brad Miller, Ricky Davis

Roster Strength: Well Rounded Scoring, The Big 10 has perimeter scoring on both the bench and in the starting line up. Additionally with Randolph and Oden and to a certain extent Brad Miller and C Webb they have a solid amount of post scoring as well.
Roster Weakness: Superstar, The Big 10 lacks a super elite NBA player. Deron, and Redd are clutch shooters but against the best of the best you could certainly find better options.

NBA Leader, New York Knicks (3): Jamal Crawford, Zach Randolph, Jared Jeffries

Conference Leader, Michigan St. (8): Jason Richardson, Shannon Brown, Eric Snow, Maurice Ager, Paul Davis, Charlie Bell, Morris Peterson, Zach Randolph

Total Team Representatives (10): Northwestern is the only squad without an NBA player.

Big 12 (34)

Conference Starting 5: Chauncey Billups, Paul Pierce, Kevin Durant, Drew Gooden, LaMarcus Aldridge
Bench: Kirk Hinrich, Nick Collison, Linas Kleiza, Daniel Gibson, Desmond Mason, T.J. Ford, Eduardo Najera

Roster Strength: Big Shots, Down the stretch of a game Chauncey, Pierce, and Durant are all their teams #1 options. Two of those teams are dominating the NBA. In a Big spot the Big 12 would have big time clutch shooters.
Roster Weakness: Rebounding, The Big 12 doesn't have any real beef in the paint. Gooden, Aldridge and Collison pull down some boards, but against elite competition they would most likely struggle to board.

NBA Leader, Indiana Pacers (4): Stephen Graham, Jamaal Tinsley, David Harrison, Kareem Rush

Conference Leader, Kansas (8): Paul Pierce, Scot Pollard, Kirk Hinrich, Drew Gooden, Julian Wright, Raef LaFrentz, Jacque Vaughn, Nick Collison

Total Team Representatives (11): Kansas St. was the only squad without a player in the NBA. That'll last only a few more months.

More: Check Out the High Schoolers and Foreigner Break Down of the NBA.

Glorious day. The Jets have finally rid themselves of Justin No Hands McCareins. McCareins was just another reminder of how stupid the old administration was. They traded a 2nd round pick for a wideout who could not catch. This season alone he single handedly botched both the Ravens game and sucked it up big time in a competitive game with the Pats.

Too bad the new administration is to stupid to realize that Jonathan Vilma is an absolute beast and that somehow some way there should be a way to utilize his talents. Instead they're going to trade him away. Solid... I'll probably have more venting on this in the near future.

But for right now it's celebration time.

The San Francisco Giants have had enough of BALCO and steroids and have understandably not brought back Barry Bonds. The problem? What's left of their offense is the shittiest in the league. The Giants are a collection of veterans on the downward side of their career. If they do not finish last in the NL in run production I will be surprised. If they do not finish amongst the last few teams in run production I will be shocked.

So let's take a look at their putrid starting lineup. All players ranked in order according to their VORP, which stands for Value Over Replacement Player. I'm not going to go over exactly how it's calculated, cause well I don't know.

Center Field Aaron Rowand (52.0): Aaron Rowand was a 'big' free agent acquisition. He will 'fill' Barry Bonds spot in the line up. He's also coming off a career season helped by the Phillies potent line up as well as their band box ball park. Surrounded by a miserable lineup in a much more pitcher friendly ball park, there's no way Rowand puts up the same numbers. Rowand is only 30 so he's not following apart.

Right Field Randy Winn (26.4): Randy Winn is a 33 year solid but unspectacular player. He hits decent, he has some power and he has some speed. He would be a good starter on almost every MLB team. But when he's your second best player, you are screwed.

Catcher Bengie Molina (14.4): Bengie is actually a better offensive player than defensive player at this point of his career. The problem is he is over weight and takes mroe games off than the typical upper echelon catcher. He's additionally 33 and not in great shape. So a downturn is probably on the way.

Left Field Dave Roberts (8.6): A 35 year old slap hitting out fielder. Really nothing will ever excite you about Dave Roberts.

First Base Dan Ortmeier (6.1): Dan Ortmeier is a 26 year old who will most likely be given his first opportunity as a Major League starter. Unfortunately he's not

Third Base Rich Aurilia (-4.7): The 36 year old had a few decent rejuvenating seasons with Reds, but last year he returned to his piss poor status hitting 5 home runs in 329 at bats.

Shortstop Omar Vizquel (-9.1): He's a 40 year old with absolutely no power any more and is now very limited as a hitter. The Giants can do better than having Omar continuing to man SS and perhaps fortunately for them Vizquel had surgery today and will be out the start of the year.

Second Base Ray Durham (-10.5): Ray Durham was often Barry Bonds protection. Well Baseball Prospectus ranks 1018 players from the 2007 season in VORP. Ray Durham finished 1000. That's bad.

The Giants are going to have a very very very bad offense this year. Good thing they got rid of that headache Barry Bonds.

I'm not much of a link giver, but I thought these were pretty solid at extending the the Eduardo da Silva broken leg fun from the weekend.

Apparently Eduardo Could Have Lost his Foot [ESPN]

So not surprisingly doctors said that if the paramedics didn't do a good job of quickly treating his foot dislocation, Eduardo probably would have had his foot amputated.

10 Gut Wrenching Broken Legs via Youtube [Who Ate All the Pies]

A collection of videos of people breaking their legs. Some are pretty damn gross.

Top Hate Tackles via Youtube [Who Ate All the Pies]

While most Americans think soccer is for little girls, if you want to hurt someone you still have a ton of opportunity to do so.

Real Madrid is often thought of as the New York Yankees of the soccer world. Buying the best players in the world cause they have a lot of money. Well apparently these players lack a certain level of intelligence. After 'scoring' a goal the squad celebrates the prototypical soccer way, running around the field screaming and hugging. Unfortunately they don't notice the fact that their passer, Raul was offside and thus the goal does not count.

Getafe, their opponent, on the other hand, took notice to the linesman's offside flag. They spotted the ball and raced the length of the field with a basketball like 3 on 2 fast break. They pounded it home for the only goal of the game.

With the loss Real Madrid's lead over Barcelona, another Spanish powerhouse, was reduced from 4 points to a single point. Quite stupid.

Courtesy of The Offside

I love St. Patrick's day as much as the typical redheaded Irish American. I love Guinness. I love enjoying Guinness. I enjoy wearing green. I even typically purchase a St. Patty's day shirt on a yearly basis. What I don't get is why people want to purchase MLB St. Patty Day apparel?

Contrary to popular belief the New York Yankees nor the Boston Red Sox nor any other MLB team influenced St. Patrick in his mission across Ireland. They have nothing to do with Irish heritage nor even wear the color green in their jerseys. Why the hell do people buy this stuff? Would you seriously look at a person with a four leaf clover behind their teams logo and think damn their cool? Or are you more than likely thinking, why the hell are you wearing a green Phillies t-shirt. St. Patty's day was months ago. Hell the friggin holiday isn't even during the regular season.


Additionally it's not like the clothing you buy is unique. MLB just prints the same shit for a bunch of teams and puts your teams logo on it. Just look at most of the Red Sox and Yankees stuff. They have almost exactly the same items.

I think the funniest of all of the St. Patrick's day apparel is that of the Oakland A's. They have 3 'St. Patty Day' items. What do they all have in common? They're just regular green Oakland A's shirts. Woo go St. Patrick's Day, wear an Oakland A's t-shirt.

But what's this? Not everyone can join in on the green fun? Yep only 13, mostly major market, teams are represented as having stupid green apparel. So if you're an idiot Royal fan in Missouri, your Cardinal friend buddy can get a green t-shirt, but you can't. Isn't that unfortunate.

Is Bartolo Colon the Product of Nacho Libre and a Toad? Me Thinks So.

One thing that has always bothered me in the world of sports is the fan voting process for all star games. The fan vote always turns into a popularity contest rather than a merit for a solid yearly performance. Sure in some cases a player having a terrific season will become a media darling and see his popularity rise. But in the end there many cases where a player gets in solely on the past thus robbing a truly deserving individual.

Does this problem really lie with having fans in general vote? No not really. The problem is letting everyone vote no matter how ill-informed they are on the current times. If you haven't watched more than 2 NBA games this season should you really be given the opportunity to help decide who gets rewarded. In my opinion of course not. Eventually the more often a non deserving player gets in the less credible the meaningful the game becomes, and thus inspires less voting from the knowledgeable.

Much is the same problem with the world of politics. I stumbled across a piece on Page 2 by Jeff Pearlman where he chronicles the Texas Rangers clubhouse non interest in the presidential race. While it is disappointing that seemingly only one person on the Rangers roster is following the presidential race, to me, it is both non surprising and closer to the norm. The piece goes on to paint baseball players as being rich mostly uneducated snobs who have so much money that they need not care what is taking place politically in the United States land scape.I partially understand Pearlman's reasoning for the general disinterest of MLB players, however I feel that most people in the US are at best only casually following the presidential race.

This casual following population includes myself. I have a 40+ hour a week job + and hour commute both ways. I spend 10+ hours a week on my MBA program. I try to spend 6 or 7 hours a week at the gym to stay healthy. The rest of my time I'd rather spend on things I enjoy, the sporting world and time with friends, family and the girlfriend. I'm not going to spend and ample amount of time figuring out the exact political differences between Obama and Hillary. And this is where the problem comes in.

Come November I will be able to vote and contribute to the determination of whom will be the most powerful human on the planet. If I turn off my tv sets, internet and all other media outlets and know nothing about the candidates, I will still be able to vote. I don't even have to know who is running for the presidency or who wins the Democratic nomination. I can still show up and vote for whomever I want based on whatever I want. I could vote for Barack cause I liked the Mortal Kombat character. I could vote against Barack cause of his last name closely resembles Osama. I could vote for Barack cause he looked cool posing with the Heisman. My reasoning does not matter, I have the right to make my own decision based on whatever.

For myself, currently I have a poor opinion Hillary Clinton the person. She comes off negatively every time I see her. This weekend she was screaming and yelling about Obama, and it bolstered my opinion. Do I know her policy? Absolutely not. If the election was tomorrow would I vote against her? Absolutely. Is that really how America should be electing its president?

People say the problem lies with all the people who do not vote on election day. Or the problem lies with all the disinterest of politics in the United States. Surely in an ideal world these would be solved. All citizens would care about the direction of the nation. All citizens would follow the election process and be able to identify the exact differences in policy in all candidates. But this is certainly not an ideal world. And there will never be a time when everyone both cares and votes. And thus I believe the problem lies in handing the voting keys over to people without a license.

Come November there will be millions upon millions of people who vote on basis set completely separate from policy. Completely separate from reasoning of how the candidate will effect their lives. For all I know I may be one of them, I may never follow the election with the depth I should. And if I don't? I should be told thanks but no thanks. We are glad you were interested in voting but it's apparent that you have put no thought other than simple bias into your decision. Thus we appreciate your intent but we are going to have to refuse your right.

Theoretically this process could be done the same way your evaluations were done when you grew up. A simple quiz based off the policies of the officials. The questions need not be difficult. They should simply make sure that every voter knows at least a given amount of policy. If a voter can not identify whether Obama or McCain is for or against removing the troops, or Pro Life/Pro Choice, they haven't been paying attention.

Will this problem ever be addressed? Of Course not. We will never again revoke the right to vote for any US Citizen. But next time a US President becomes a fuck up, do not be surprised if he was again elected on the basis of "more likely to have a beer with".

Sorry for the Off Topic Stuff Today but It's February

Meet Argentinian girl Pamela. Much like Lebron James she is a young phenom. She has done something that most people would have never believed possible. She has pushed the limits of the human body.

So what has mighty Pamela done? She's given birth to 7 children. 7 Children is certainly a big number, but it's been done before. And no the 7 weren't all at the same time. Nothing that draw dropping with having 7 kids in your life time right? Well how about when your life time isn't even 17 full years yet. That's right Pamela from Argentina has 7 kids and she has yet to turn 17.

How the fuck is that possible you might be asking. Well when you ship out two sets of triplets and a single child all in a three year span it can be done. One would have thought perhaps after the first child she would have stopped having sex. Or perhaps after the first set of triplets the mother would have clamped down on the insemination process. But nope Pamela got her fertile self right back on the saddle and strapped in for another 9* month ride.

Only four more to go Pam and you've got your own futbol team. You still have over 3 years to get that done before the age of 20. Hop bang on the saddle young las.

~My brain is currently all over the place. So we shall have a Quick Notes rather than a coherent thought as I currently do not seem capable of long coherent thoughts.

~First off February is god damn boring.

~Memphis can't hit free throws. They have superior athletes and talent all over the court and can hit about 5 triples in a row, but they can't make a free throw. Shit boggles my mind.

~Bracket Buster whatever was this week for ESPN, which means in 2 weeks when you (I) start to care about who is on the bubble the analysts will inform you of what games did and did not matter.

~Bartolo Colon is the new El Guapo. Rich Garces will have to show him around the Boston eateries.

~The Suns got drop kicked by the Pistons yesterday. Pathetic showing.

~NASCAR got rained out mid race. Another lame part of NASCAR has been added.

~Tiger Woods dominated. Might as well be a permanent header on the Google News Sports tab.

~If only Justin Leonard sacked up and dropped Stewie in the semifinals, I would have gotten the finals of the Match Play correct in my prediction. I ended up with a solid but not spectacular bracket.

~D-Mac ran a 4.27. He should have done better.

~The NFL combine is all together very very boring.

~The C's decided to win one last night, that was nice of them.

~Why do so many movies that you have desire in seeing win Oscars? From all I've heard from the typical normal people, There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men were not all that entertaining.

~The Songs were quite annoying and I could easily do without them.

~Why are there so many damn awards for sound, audio, video, make up, animation, coloring, food spread. Can't they add more relevant awards and just give those random ones away in a pre show type deal?

~I thought Juno was a very good movie. It had a good plot had moments of where you laughed. But I don't get when people call it a very funny movie. It's not that funny. It to me was more story than comedy. Superbad on the other hand was comedy.

~Speaking of Juno, could Diablo Cody have worn a dress that possibly screamed "I used to be a stripper" more than the leopard print one she wore. She certainly stuck out like a sore thumb from the rest of the crowd.

~Although Daniel Day Lewis wife, coincidently the daughter of Arthur Miller, was wearing an absolutely hideous dress herself. Than again Day Lewis wasn't exactly the best looking guy in the arena either.

After informing the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentleman about the delicious Stephen A. Cheez Doodles segment. They did what I was too lazy to do. Purchase the podcast and put the audio to youtube.



That was even more preposterous than I remembered.

Some class acts this week. 1. Vin Baker - The place actually looks quite nice. And yet Vin Baker couldn't even salvage his restaurant from getting foreclosed on. He even borrowed 400,000 grand from his parents. Yes the very same Vin Baker that made millions upon millions upon millions of dollars for being one of the most useless players in NBA history has wasted all of his money to the point where a 400K loan from his parents isn't enough. 2. Jerome Mathis - Choking woman is not very acceptable Jerome. Choking your girlfriend is definitely not acceptable. Choking your pregnant girlfriend? Dude what the hell is wrong with you. You are a complete scumbag. I hope you get cut. 3. The Fielders - I couldn't decide which Fielder to pick. Either the wife who gave Prince a book about the negatives of eating meat. Probably in an attempt to turn her husband into a vegetarian. Or Prince for actually taking the book to heart and turning into a vegetarian. How whipped are you dude? You've completely dropped on the totem pole of manhood. And what happened to eating Cheeseburgers? 4. Ryan Perrilloux - Your team just won the National Title and you will be returning to lead them as the starting quarterback next season. So what do you do? Turn into a complete fuckup of course. The rumors on what Perrilloux did to get suspended from the squad are all over the place but the fact remains that they kid has talent, potential NFL talent, and he's about to blow the greatest opportunity he will ever have in his entire life. Nice going douche. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Kevin Hart

Opinion Polls & Market Research

I think Brian misses his 2007 Golden Showers.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of
Hotclicks, CO-ED Magazine * 2, TBL, Green and Gold Rugby, me, Funny or Die, Fan IQ, With Leather


http://view.break.com/453711 - Watch more free videos
Keep that guy away from sharp objects and ropes.





Hoola Hooping is a sport right?


Well that was painfully boring. Probably why he won over Lloyd Carr.


Might want to have quicker reaction time.


What a social life this guy must have.


I'm Ron Burgundy?


Yes Set off the Fireworks for broken bones.


Hmm, next time I go bowling...

So the Cavs traded for Ben Wallace, Wally World and Delonte West today and now people are proclaiming them contenders for the NBA East. Um why? Ben Wallace is not that good.

First off here are some facts. Ben Wallace is amongst the worst offensive players in the entire NBA. He is averaging 5 points a game in over 30 minutes. 5 points a game. Probably because the man can't shoot. He is shooting 37% from the field this season and is a career 41.7% Free Throw shooter. I bet at minimum 1 out of every 5 casual basketball players are better than a 42% free throw shooter. Ben Wallace's career hire average for points in a season was 9.7 in the 04-05 season for Detroit. Ben Wallace is a complete liability on the offensive end.

Drew Gooden on the other hand, while certainly nothing special, averages 11 points more and only .5 rebounds less per game in less minutes than Ben Wallace. Sure Ben Wallace will improve their defense some. But he isn't the defender he once was and will not have the supporting cast of defenders he had in Detroit.

Then is the addition of Szczerbiak which is being talked about abundantly isn't an upgrade either. As much as Larry Hughes is overpaid, he's still a better basketball player than Wally World. Wally can shoot. That's it. Atleast Hughes is athletic enough to play some defense.

If anything, people should be promoting the additions of Joe Smith and Delonte West. They came at the cost of expiring contracts and could add some value to the team. West has been a double digit scorer in multiple seasons in the league and can add value as a perimeter shooter. Meanwhile Smith is a solid veteran who should add some scoring and depth off the bench. So the deal as a whole should improve the 2008 Cavs but enough with the Ben Wallace makes them a title contender. He just isn't that good.

And here's a video sum up of why.

Stephen A. Smith opened his NYC radio broadcast venting on the Knicks. Nothing new there. The first hour of his show is NYC only and thus being a basketball guy he yells and screams about the Knicks a lot. Pretty much every show opens with the same Knick vent. But apparently the 40 point beat down pushed Stephen A. to new levels. Levels to which I have never heard from Stephen. And what was that level? Stephen A. screaming about his affinity for Cheese Doodles.

After the typical yelling and screaming about the Knicks for a few minutes, Stephen A. turned the majority of the venting into a a platform for his favorite snack, Cheese Doodles. He mentioned how when he gets frustrated he eats cheese doodles. He warned the callers that they might hear him munching on cheese doodles in the background. But the best of the bunch centered on the fat center for the New York Knicks, when Stephen A. proclamed that he would trade Eddy Curry for a bag of Cheese Doodles.

Yes, Cheese Doodles are truly essential to Stephen A.'s existence.

EVERYTHING I SAY IS IMPORTANT

So I was perusing the banks of College Photos from last night and honestly the most entertaining photos are all from coaches. Within one night of college basketball you can find pictures of coaches displaying almost every emotion.

Bruce Pearl is Annoyed by a 20 Point Victory.


John Calipari Really Wants a High Five


Jimmy Collins Just Wants a Hug


Ed DeChellis is Pointing Out the Hottest Girl in the Stands


Jim Boylen is Contemplating Murder


Bo Ryan is Contemplating Punching the Ref in the Face


Seth Greenberg Just Wants to Know Where the Restrooms Are


Roy Williams is Giddy Like a School Girl


Stan Heath is Bored


Dave Dickerson is Pleading for Just 1 More Cookie


Brad Stevens is Befuddled


Gary Williams is Victorious


Coach K is Defeated


Kelvin Sampson is Suspended in Disbelief

Yesterday I posted that Bonds should be signed by somebody but never mentioned who. So today, here are the top 5 teams that I believe should actively pursue Barry Bonds.

5. Minnesota Twins - I'm not quite sure if the Twins even offered Barry a boatload of cash that he would consider heading up to Minnesota to play. Even if it was his only option I think he would think long and hard before accepting. But the Twins have been plugging miserable hitters at DH in recent years. And once again have nobody suitable for that role. Stick Bonds in between Mauer and Morneau and you have a pretty damn good heart of the order.

5. San Francisco Giants - You already have a loyal fan base in place for Bonds. Understandably his knees won't be able to handle to wear and tear of playing in the National League daily. But still your fans love the guy. They've cheered for him through thick and thin. And your offense is going to be miserable this season without him. The issue for the Giants is that he probably will be less likely to sign for a reduced amount with a team he just made a boatload of money off of.

3. Oakland A's - The Bay Area Brethren should also be interested in Bonds. He could make a smooth transition cross to the cross town rivals and sit in the DH spot. He will be a better replacement for the role Mike Piazza filled last year than anyone currently on their roster.

2. Texas Rangers - The Rangers still have no pitching, but there have been times where their offensive fire power has been enough to atleast maintain competitiveness in the AL West. Currently they is Frank Catalanotto. He doesn't quite strike fear in the heart of the opponent. If the Rangers want to have any shot at winning the division this year they both need to get lucky and somehow improve the team in the coming weeks. Bonds is the best way to do this. And perhaps the only real way to do this.

1. Seattle Mariners - Jose Vidro or Barry Bonds? Who is more likely to impact your team on a daily basis? The Mariners just shipped a lot of players for Erik Bedard in an effort to be competitive today yet their offense still has holes. Richie Sexson had more Ks than hits last season. Last season the Mariners leading home run hitter was Adrian Beltre with 26 bounds. Barry Bonds had 2 more home runs than Beltre in 255 less at bats. 255!!! The Mariners should go out and sign Bonds if they really want to win the division.

Baseball is just around the corner and thus it's time for my brain to be occupied by over analysis. Today I present you with a top to bottom ranking of the rotations of the National League.

16. Washington Nationals: Shawn Hill (R) John Patterson (R) Jason Bergmann (R) John Lannan (L) Matt Chico (L)

No surprise the Washington Nationals have the worst rotation in all of baseball. They currently have no front line pitchers. Hell the only name pitcher they have is Odalis Perez who was a bust for the Royals last season. Them being competitive this season means that once again their manager, Manny Acta, is a miracle worker.

15. St. Louis Cardinals: Adam Wainwright (R) Braden Looper (R) Joel Pineiro (R) Anthony Reyes (R) Matt Clement (R)

The Cardinals won the World Series two years ago right? I just wanted to clarify that because their rotation is absolutely dreadful. Adam Wainwright was a disappointment last season. Braden Looper showed his true colors towards the end of the season. Piniero has been released by teams. Reyes was a bust last year. And Clement is the Red Sox version of Pavano. Their rotation sucks.

14. Florida Marlins: Scott Olsen (L) Sergio Mitre (R) Andrew Miller (L) Mark Hendrickson (L) Ricky Nolasco (R)

At the very least the Marlins have a good lefty righty mix. If they can keep Scott Olsen from getting a DWI or getting taised by the police he should have a good season. Additionally Andrew Miller should have a good year in his first full season in the pros. The rest of the rotation is nothing to brag about.

13. Houston Astros: Roy Oswalt (R) Woody Williams (R) Wandy Rodriguez (L) Brandon Backe (R) Felipe Paulino (R)

One top pitcher does not make an entire rotation. Roy Oswalt is a terrific pitcher but he can't every day. Woody is ancient. Wandy is inconsistent. Backe is ok but coming off injury. Paulino is amongst the Astros top remaining prospects but so far he's had limited success during the cup of coffee he's had in MLB.

12. Pittsburgh Pirates: Tom Gorzelanny (L) Ian Snell (R) Paul Maholm (L) Matt Morris (R) Zach Duke (L)

Two years ago I had to protect Zach Duke, that's how piss poor the team I inherited was in the pitching category. 2 seasons later it wouldn't be surprising if the Pirates started to rethink if he is worthy of a spot in the rotation. The other 4 pitchers are nothing to brag about either.

11. Colorado Rockies: Jeff Francis (L) Aaron Cook (R) Ubaldo Jimenez (R) Franklin Morales (L) Jason Hirsh (R)

The defending NL champs come back with much of the same rotation that brought them to the World Series. Which begs the question, how did they get to the World Series again? The Rockies are reliant on the development of youngsters Jimenez, Morales and Hirsh in their quest to out perform their 2007 squad.

10. Philadelphia Phillies: Cole Hamels (L) Brett Myers (R) Kyle Kendrick (R) Jamie Moyer (L) Adam Eaton (R)

Now that Kyle Kendrick has not been traded to Japan for a hot dog eater, he can concentrate on filling in the Phillies rotation in his sophomore campaign. I agree with the Phillies move to pick up Lidge in the hopes of keeping Myers in the rotation but just wonder if he will slip back into the funk he started 07 in. Additionally Moyer and Eaton have seen better years.

9. Cincinnati Reds: Aaron Harang (R) Bronson Arroyo (R) Matt Belisle (R) Homer Bailey (R) Edinson Volquez (R)

Aaron Harang has been a beast for the past few seasons but is continuously overlooked because he pitches in a home run hitters park for a bad team. Much of the Reds season relies on which Bronson Arroyo they get. Do they get the typical run of the mill Arroyo. Or do they get the 2006 stud Arroyo. Additional all Red executives eyes will be focused on Homer Bailey to see if he starts living up to that top prospect hype.

8. Atlanta Braves: John Smoltz (R) Tim Hudson (R) Tom Glavine (L) Chuck James (L) Mike Hampton (L)

Jair Jurjjens (or however you spell it) may figure into the equation in Atlanta, given he was traded for Edgar Renteria. But as assigned now the Braves have a strong top of the rotation and three soft throwing lefties at the back end of the rotation. Perhaps it's just me but I'm not a big fan of throwing out ridiculously similar pitchers three straight games in a series.

7. Chicago Cubs: Carlos Zambrano (R) Ted Lilly (L) Rich Hill (L) Jason Marquis (R) Jon Lieber (R)

Big Z guaranteed the Cy Young last season. He did not deliver. Meanwhile Ted Lilly and Rich Hill got off to terrific starts but both slowed considerably near the end of the season. After those 3 the Cubs have some decent question marks on whether Marquis or Lieber can be productive enough to stabalize the back end of the rotation.

6. Milwaukee Brewers: Ben Sheets (R) Dave Bush (R) Jeff Suppan (R) Yovani Gallardo (R) Chris Capuano (L)

The Brewers have a very talented rotation that hasn't quite lived up to their hype. Sheets is amongst the most frustratingly always injured major league pitchers. Chris Capuano morphed from superb to useless last year. Dave Bush was supposed to have a break out 2007. It didn't happen. And the Mexican phenom Gallardo showed up to camp and immediately got injured. The Brewers have the talent to be in the top few rotations in MLB but will the talent actually take form?

5. Los Angeles Dodgers: Brad Penny (R) Derek Lowe (R) Chad Billingsley (R) Hiroki Kuroda (R) Jason Schmidt (R)

Remember when Jason Schmidt was amongst the best pitchers in major league baseball? Now coming off surgery ESPN had him ranked as the Dodgers #5 starter. If Joe Torre has him at #5 and Hiroki Kuroda is more Hideo Nomo and less Kei Igawa than he may have inherited a rotation better than the one he left in the Bronx.

4. San Francisco Giants: Barry Zito (L) Matt Cain (R) Tim Lincecum (R) Noah Lowry (L) Kevin Correia (R)

At the end of this season it won't be surprising if most of these pitchers wind up below .500 and yet I have them as the 5th best rotation in the NL. The problem for the 2008 Giants is that they may have the worst offense in the history of major league baseball.

3. San Diego Padres: Jake Peavy (R) Chris Young (R) Greg Maddux (R) Randy Wolf (L) Mark Prior (R)

The Padres have two dominant starters, a future hall of famer, a solid middle of the rotation pitcher and one certain DL bound talent. But imagine what the possibilities could be for the Padres if somehow Mark Prior doesn't break down mid-season and regains the potential he once showed.

2. New York Mets: Johan Santana (L) Pedro Martinez (R) John Maine (R) Oliver Perez (L) Orlando Hernandez (R)

It really is amazing what picking up the best pitcher in baseball does to your rotation. Last year the Mets were middle of the pack. This year they have amongst the best rotations in the National League. It really is that simple, just trade for the best pitcher in baseball and you have a good rotation. It's a wonder why teams don't do this more often.

1. Arizona Diamondbacks: Brandon Webb (R) Dan Haren (R) Randy Johnson (L) Doug Davis (L) Micah Owings (R)

The Diamondbacks won their division last season on the strength of their pitching. So in the offseason they decide to add another ace to their rotation. If Randy Johnson can somehow stay healthy this year the Diamondbacks have assembled a lethal set of arms.

I think Bud really just wanted to speak his mind.

If I told you that there was a free agent on the market who last year in 340 registered at bats hit .276 with 28 home runs, 66 rbis, 75 runs you would certainly be intrigued. And then if you were a Saber-matrician and I showed you a .480 on base percentage with a .565 slugging percentage perhaps your mouth would water some. Then if I told you he could be had at a completely reduced rate due to a few outside influences you would be drawing up the contract for the franchise of your choice.

And then if I told you that man was Barry Bonds? You would probably rip up those papers and mutter a few curse words about how I lead you on. In the world of major league baseball the bad PR surrounding Barry Bonds outweighs his potential production.

In my humble opinion I think Barry Bonds is worth the 2008 gamble. At this current moment somehow Bonds has morphed into an after thought. He has been overshadowed by the the broadway show put on by the Rocket and his main man Andy. Since the release of the Mitchell Report, have you heard the name Barry Bonds mentioned even a fractional amount of the norm? And now that so many have been brought to light and that Bonds has already shattered the most storied record in baseball, is his story that outside of the norm? Sure he has a pending perjury trial and this will bring additional unwanted attention to your squad. But the reality of this pending trial is that it almost certainly will not be brought during the 2008 season.

The fact remains that Barry Bonds while on the baseball field is still a remarkably productive player. If you further the safety precautions by hitting him in the DH role you could realistic expect a repeat of his 2007 averages only extrapolated out for additional at bats. And just about every American League roster could use a hard hitting highly productive DH.

He will certainly boost your team on the field. He will boost the ticket sales of your team. Eventually 90% of your fan base will just accept the fact that he is on your roster and start cheering for him. Why? Cause fans root for the laundry. He certainly will be booed on the road, but is that really a bad thing?

So in the end the question remains, is Barry Bonds worth the distractions he comes with? In my opinion yes, Barry Bonds deserves one more year.

Baseball is just around the corner and thus it's time for my brain to be occupied by over analysis. Today I present you with a top to bottom ranking of the rotations of the American League.

14. Baltimore Orioles: Daniel Cabrera (R) Adam Loewen (L) Jeremy Guthrie (R) Garrett Olson (L) Troy Patton (L)

You can't blame the Orioles for shipping Erik Bedard to the Mariners. They got back a premier prospect and some additional pieces to play for a team that needs to build for the future. The deal makes sense for the Orioles. The resulting rotation however is ugly. Cabrera has never commanded the strike zone. Loewen is coming off a broken arm. Guthrie had a great season last year but does that mean he will be reliable? And the other two starters are unproven.

13. Texas Rangers: Kevin Millwood (R) Vicente Padilla (R) Jason Jennings (R) Brandon McCarthy (R) Kason Gabbard (L)

The Rangers 5 man rotation combines 5 mediocre arms. Millwood and Padilla are constantly up and down. Jennings was a bust in Houston last year. McCarthy's first season as a starter was a rough one and Kason Gabbard isn't anything special.

12. Kansas City Royals: Gil Meche (R) Brian Bannister (R) Zack Greinke (R) Brett Tomko (R) Luke Hudson (R)

For as much as I crushed the Royals for signing Gil Meche, he did have a solid 2007 campaign. The rest of the rotation is suspect in either/both talent and success.

11. Oakland A's: Joe Blanton (R) Rich Harden (R) Chad Gaudin (R) Lenny DiNardo (L) Justin Duchscherer (R)

Trading away Dan Haren made sense for the A's. Stockpile young talent before your pitcher hits the free agent market. This rotation once again comes down to the health of Rich Harden. The man has amongst the best stuff in baseball but can't seem to make more than 10 starts in a season. Additionally the insertion of Duchscherer into the rotation will be something to watch.

10. Chicago White Sox: Mark Buehrle (L) Javier Vazquez (R) Jose Contreras (R) John Danks (L) Gavin Floyd (R)

Mark Buehrle and Javier Vazquez are too solid above average pitchers. Both posted solid but unspectacular eras in the 3s. Meanwhile Jose Contreras looked like the Yankee version and youngsters Gavin Floyd and John Danks did not sparkle last year. The White Sox could have a solid rotation if everything goes right, but they easily could wing up amongst the worst staffs in baseball if things start to go wrong.

9. Minnesota Twins: Francisco Liriano (L) Boof Bonser (R) Livan Hernandez (R) Scott Baker (R) Kevin Slowey (R)

A lot of youngsters and one middle aged fat man. The Twins rotation comes down to Francisco Liriano. He regains his dominance and they have an ace to match up against their divisional rivals. He breaks down and they have 5 middle of the pack starters who won't lead them anywhere.

8. Tampa Bay Rays: James Shields (R) Scott Kazmir (L) Matt Garza (R) Edwin Jackson (R) Andy Sonnanstine (R)

The Rays changed their name and added a little youthful punch to an already young rotation. The trio of Shields, Kazmir and Garza certainly does not have experience on their side but they do have terrific arms and the potential to lift the Rays into relevance for the first time in franchise history.

7. Toronto Blue Jays: Roy Halladay (R) A.J. Burnett (R) Dustin McGowan (R) Shaun Marcum (R) Jesse Litsch (R)

If only the top two starters on the Blue Jays could ever stay healthy for an entire season. Their one two punch could match up against almost any other American-League team on a weekly basis, but typically the Blue Jays can only throw one. And sometimes they can't throw either punch.

6. New York Yankees: Chien-Ming Wang (R) Andy Pettitte (L) Phil Hughes (R), Mike Mussina (R) Ian Kennedy (R)

The Yanks biggest rotational problem is evident every post season. They have depth 1-5 this year, but again they do not have the dominant force at the top of the rotation. Chien-Ming Wang is a very good pitcher. But is not the prototype #1 starter. He is not the man you want to have the ball to halt a losing streak.

5. Seattle Mariners: Erik Bedard (L) Felix Hernandez (R) Jarrod Washburn (L) Miguel Batista (R) Carlos Silva (R)

The Mariners took a risk in shipping premier prospects for Erik Bedard, but they certainly have a top of the line rotation to fight for the AL West crown. With Bedard and King Felix the Mariners will more than likely throw out the better starter for 2 of every 5 games. The back end has some reliable pitchers who should all finish around or slightly above .500.

4. Cleveland Indians: C.C. Sabathia (L) Fausto Carmona (R) Paul Byrd (R) Jake Westbrook (R) Aaron Laffey (L)

The Indians return with 2 of the 3 best starters in the American League during the 2007 season. CC is in a contract year so any decline from 2007 should be minimal. Meanwhile Fausto should continue with his youthful dominance in 2008. The rest of the rotation consists of slow throwing workman-like pitchers.

3. Los Angeles Angels: John Lackey (R) Kelvim Escobar (R) Jered Weaver (R) Jon Garland (R) Ervin Santana (R)

The key for the Angels rotation this season is who amongst Ervin Santana and Joe Saunders emerges as the 5th starter and whether or not they are effective. This will be determined in spring training and April when Kelvim is out with an injury. If either can mold into an effective starter than the Angels will have a tremendously deep rotation 1 through 5.

2. Boston Red Sox: Josh Beckett (R) Daisuke Matsuzaka (R) Clay Buchholz (R) Tim Wakefield (R) Jon Lester (L)

I moved the Red Sox between 1 and 2 several times before I decided to go with experience over youth. I would expect Beckett to have a similar 2008 campaign. I expect some improvement from Dice-K and the typical Timmy Knuckleballer. The key for the Red Sox season and where they can become the best rotation in the AL is Bucholz and Lester. Bucholz is a premium talent who showed his promise with his no hitter. Lester showed his potential when he was lights out in the postseason. If both of these guys live up to the hype the Red Sox will cruise to a playoff spot and more than likely repeat as AL East Champs.

1. Detroit Tigers: Justin Verlander (R) Jeremy Bonderman (R) Dontrelle Willis (L) Kenny Rogers (L) Nate Robertson (L)

In my humble opinion the Detroit Tigers have the #1 rotation heading into the 2008 season. They have a proven young ace in Justin Verlander. They have a healthy Jeremy Bonderman returning to throw heat. Dontrelle Willis is a former Cy Young winner who should be rejuvenated by a change of scenery. Kenny Rogers is a crafty veteran who while on his last legs will offer some back end rotation stability. The simple reason I gave the slight edge for the Tigers over the Red Sox is the experience advantage of Willis and Robertson over Bucholz and Lester. The other 3 starters for both squads match up evenly.

So the Match Play Tournament is being conducted this week. So what better time than now to start practicing filling out a bracket of 64.


It would really by ideal if somehow Rory and Woods matched up in the elite 8, but for some reason I don't think Sabbatini is going to last that long. Instead I'm going with the Latin Vijjegas to get knocked off by Woods. Picking Tiger to lose in his own bracket never even crossed my mind. He's the #1 that everybody has locked into the final 4 except for the crazies with the ridiculous brackets.


What 2nd round matchup Els and Goosen could be. Seems like the committee had it out for the two of them. In the long run though I think the Swede and Spaniard fight it out for bracket supremacy. And I'm taking Sergio as I think this is going to be a break out year for him. But I guess I say that just about every year.


This is where the balls come out and where the bracket is make or break. Leonard has played a lot and played well this year but has a ridiculously difficult bracket. If he can somehow get past Ogilvy, Phil and Vijay than the bracket is a winner. If he can't? Well than smash goes the bracket. And just to clarify how ballsy the Leonard pick is, Ogilvy has played in the finals each of the last two years, so losing in the first round would be pretty surprising.


Arguably the weakest of the brackets with bracket #1 Jim Furyk missing the cut last week. I've never been a huge Furyk fan and thus have him falling to loudmouth Stephen Ames early in the tournament. I'm partial to the Brits and thus Luke Donald with his Ryder Cup experience is my choice to get out of this weak bracket.


I'm playing by the create the difference in the final 4 but still pick the favorite method. Picking Tiger not to win these tournies just seems stupid to me. So why go against him. But in order to beat the competition you need to differ from chalk somewhere and that's where Justin Leonard comes in. He's playing well so far this season. He's made every cut. So why not a long run to the final destruction of Tiger Woods.

Note: I changed that tie-breaker to 111 when I realized that they play 36 holes in the finals. At least I think they do.

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track he's performance in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch. 3 Million a year for what?

Celtics 111 Knicks 103: -5
Thanks to KG missing out for hopefully the last time, Scals got one last start before the all star game. And the start was pretty much it. He played a whopping 2 minutes and 37 seconds the entire game despite starting. Which begs the question, what the hell was he starting for anyway?

Game Stats: 3 Minutes, 0-1, 0 Points, 1 Rebound, 0 Assists

Overall Week Performance: -5
It being a half week and me being a bit slow on the uptick last week meant only one game for Scals for his final game before the all star break. Thus the same wonderful stats he had against the Knicks.

Weeks Stats: 3 Minutes, 0-1, 0 Points, 1 Rebound, 0 Assists

Overall Season Performance: +32
At the midway point of the season Scalabrine sits at a surprising +32. This ironically matches the Celtics Win/Loss margin of 32 games over .500 (41-9). The season started on a strong note with Scals and then slowly started to disapate into several DNPs. However, thanks to the injuries to KG and Perk Scals has seen a string of starts and has been bolstered by some huge +s including the whooping of the Heat prior to the Marion deal. And thus at the All Star break Scals sits at +32 to despite very minimal output while on the court.

But fear not fellow Scalabrine haters, with KG and Perk coming after the break, starting tonight, one would expect those DNPs to start ramping up again. And thus we will be relieved of any more useless starts and useless minutes like that of last weeks matchup against the Knicks.

Season Stats:10:30 MPG, .316 FG%, 1.9 PPG, 1.5 RPG, 0.8 APG

Look at how happy all the Nicaraguan Patriot fans are in their 19-0 Superbowl winners t-shirts. She doesn't even care that they gave her a Quad-XL. I wish I could get one at my local Sports Authority.

Courtesy of The Jets Blog, where the only thing to rejoice is the misfortune of the team that kills us on a regular basis.

Wasn't it nice of Keith to send Devean a Thank You Card?

So yesterday on my relaxing day off I decided to run a few errands. Cook dinner for the family and go to the bank. And then I realized that once again I would not be able to go to the bank. The bank like myself had the day off.

No business has worse hours than the bank. Banks open an hour later than you get to your day job and an hour earlier than you get home from that job. They are open for a few hours on Saturday, but never late enough where you have fully gotten out of bed or over your Saturday morning hangover. That is the story of banks, they want you're money but don't want to be open during a logical time for you to give it to them.

And thus I hate banks. Banks of all shapes and sizes.

I hate Elizabeth Banks for being a big tease in the 40-Year Old Virgin.

I hate Mr. Cub Ernie Banks for being a perennial loser.

I hate Chip Banks for having a dumb name.

I hate Johnathan Banks for holding some stupid boxing title called the NABO.

I hate Brad Banks for getting traded for Kliff Kingsbury in the CFL.

I hate Carl Banks for going to Michigan St. and only making one pro bowl team.

I hate Marcus Banks for being one of the many wasted Celtic Draft Picks.

I hate Lloyd Banks for changing his name from Christopher Lloyd.

I hate Gordon Banks for winning a World Cup with the damn English.

I hate Tom Banks for making 4 pro bowls yet only having a 4 line wikipedia page.

I hate Willie Banks for being a bum yet getting 2 World Series Rings.

I hate Tony Banks for being a bum backup who couldn't even start over Trent Dilfer during the Ravens Superbowl year.

I hate Willie Banks for holding a World Record in the Triple Jump yet never winning an Olympic medal.

I hate Sean Banks for his moronic decision to leave Memphis early.

I hate Tyra Banks for letting herself go and her stupid TV shows.

I hate Banks.

Two of our greatest leaders of all time equal one random day off in February where I'm going to do absolutely nothing.

Last one in a rebus week.

A diverse bunch of waste of Oxygen. From the fun-police to whiners to plain old idiots. 1. Patriot Fans - You lost the Super Bowl it sucked. You are pissed. All of that is understandable. But reaching for calls and clock problems and face mask penalties to say you were robbed? Come on. Shut up. You've gotten enough questionable calls this season go your way that even if the Giants got one you shouldn't be able to complain. But the reaching done is ridiculous. 2. David Stern - Here comes David Stern once again as the Anti-Fun police. It's a dunk contest. People do things they would never do in an actual game for the dunk contest. They jump over midgets. They have Steve Nash Headbutt them the ball. They come from out of bounds to dunk. What the hell is the difference in raising the rim to 12 feet. That's something I would actually like to see instead of all of the rehashed dunks people have already done tons of times. 3. John Rocker - Why are you allowed to talk? Seriously why do people let this man get whatever he says into the public view. I don't care if you took steroids. I don't care what you think about Bud Selig. I don't care and nobody else should care. Just go away already. 4. Confederation of African Football - First off if you are having an awards banquet to celebrate the best players in Africa perhaps you should have this banquet on a date that does not coincide with a date when you are running your biggest tournament of the year. Second, if a player is playing in that tournament, which you run, and can't make the banquet, because you scheduled it stupidly, you should not penalize him. You certainly shouldn't just give his award to someone else because he couldn't make it. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Kevin Hart

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of Fanhouse, Saint Ampex2000, CO-ED Mag, Mondesi's House, Hot Clicks, muchos peoples, FanIQ, Fanhouse again


Pay attention you dumb bastard.


The meanies at ESPN don't want you to see Chris Berman Say Fuck anymore. Boooooo. But fear not, go to Deadspin where they can host their own videos of ESPN Hate.


Why isn't this on the UFC undercard?


Umm, I really hope I don't see Michigan fans doing this.


Aww come on.


That's not a girl that's Joakim Noah.




Perhaps Karma is in the works for your overreaction last year.
It's been awhile since I've posted a Kige show.


Stop Whining...


Boobs...

Ryan Dempster, not so great closer for the Chicago Cubs, came out yesterday and stated that he believes the Cubs are going to win the World Series. Not that he guarantees the Cubs or going to win the World Series or that they are better than everybody in the NL. Nope he just said that he thinks his team is better than last year. He believes that all the hard work he did, and his teammates did are going to pay off. That the franchise added pieces which have significantly improved the team. That all of the work done by the franchise will result in what hasn't occurred in a century.

There is no controversy here. This is a complete non story. Just like the Plaxico Super Bowl story. They didn't guarantee anything. They believe they are going to win. They believe their team won't suck. Don't you want that from your sports figures? Shouldn't it be controversial if they come out and say "We are going to suck balls. There is no chance we are going to make the playoffs. That is why I drank King Cobra all off season and put on 30 lbs of pure gut." Rather than a player thinking his team is going to be good, whether it is delusional or not.

Courtesy of the Offside

Another easy one???

At some point in time last season Gregg Popovich decided it was a good idea to plug Manu Ginobili in as the spark plug 6th man. The logic behind this decision could be deducted as energy off the bench or reducing Manu's bumps and bruises before the post season by limiting his minutes. He continued this logic both into the 2007 post season.

At the start of this season Popovich continued his logic installing Ginobili once again as the 6th man. However, due to sporadic injuries and the recent abscence of Tony Parker from the lineup, Ginobili has been thrust back into the starting line up. And well, he's playing much better. As a starter Ginobili is playing 8 additional minuted per game and seeing an uptick in every state. His scoring is up 5.5 points per game. He is dishing out over 2 more assists per game while pulling down over 1 more rebound a game. His shooting percentage is up across the board (FG%, 3PT%, FT%).

Simply put, Ginobili is playing better as a starter while holding additional responsibility due to the absence of Parker. So why limit the minutes of one of your best players? Why start him off on the bench?

Note: The White Warriors like Ginobili the starter much more than Ginobili the 6th man.

Honestly the whole thing was a waste of time, so I'm not going to waste any of my time writing about it. I'm simply going to Caption a Few Pictures.

Time Wasters

Drug User

Drug Using Rat

Drug Dealing Weasel

Drug Using Liar

Moron

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track he's performance in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch. 3 Million a year for what?

Celtics 117 Heat 87: 15
How could you win the World Championship and within 2 years be so god damn bad? How?

Game Stats: 17 Minutes, 1-2, 1 Points, 5 Rebounds, 1 Assists

Celtics 96 Mavericks 90: -1
17 minutes without a single rebound is exactly what you want from your power forward.

Game Stats: 17 Minutes, 0-0, 0 Points, 0 Rebounds, 2 Assists

Celtics 113 Cavs 114: -3
The man is unstoppable. 5 points in a game must have commanded a constant double team.

Game Stats: 18 Minutes, 2-5, 5 Points, 1 Rebounds, 1 Assists

Celtics 111 Clippers 100: 1
Only 7 minutes? Doc must have seen better matchups this game.

Game Stats: 7 Minutes, 1-1, 3 Points, 1 Rebounds, 2 Assists

Celtics 88 Timberwolves 86: -1
19 minutes no points and yet he still finishes at only -1. Does he inspire teammates to pick up the slack when he's on the court. Is there a way to bottle this inspiration, and have a decent player on the court at the same time?

Game Stats: 19 Minutes, 0-3, 0 Points, 3 Rebounds, 0 Assists

Celtics 98 Spurs 90: 3
Airballs, travels, horrible passes. Every time you saw Scals on the court he was doing something embarrassing. Yet a positive 3. Amazing.

Game Stats: 16 Minutes, 1-5, 2 Points, 4 Rebounds, 0 Assists

Celtics 104 Pacers 97: 6
Of course he finishes of the scoring period with a solid +/-. But of course he only mildly contributed to the actual game.

Game Stats: 16 Minutes, 1-3, 3 Points, 2 Rebounds, 2 Assists

Overall Week Performance: +20
7 games and Scals averaged just over 2 points per contest in over 15 minutes per game. One basket per 15 minutes on the court and yet he finishes at +20. Unreal.

Weeks Stats: 110 Minutes, 6-9, 15 Points, 16 Rebounds, 8 Assists

Overall Season Performance: +37
And after a ridiculous week, led by a ridiculous +/- against Miami, Scals more than doubles his +/- seasonal total and looks pretty good for the remainder of the season in staying above 0.

Season Stats:10:35 MPG, .316 FG%, 1.9 PPG, 1.5 RPG, 0.8 APG

Another Easy One?

Still lingering enjoyment when I see stuff like this on sale at your local Walmart.

If you've watched Sportscenter once this past week than you would have already seen this video of Zednik getting his artery shredded.


But have you ever seen Clint Malarchuk's puddle of blood in his goalie crease in 1989?


Maybe the NHL could use this in advertisements.

"We have fights, we lose teeth, we break bones, we get our throats slit. The NHL, for Real Men Only."

No Offense Billy but Ashley Judd doesn't travel to road games to watch Kentucky get treated like a 16 seed in the opening round of the NCAA tournament. Down by 30 at half time? 4 field goals through 24 minutes? What kind of coaching is that?


Down 52-14 is the perfect time to get a Technical Billy. Perhaps showing your team the benefits of frustration and venting on the officiating during times of failure. Good move.


"Hey Billy how about next time you want to lose a game by 50 god damn points you let me know beforehand so you know I can watch spring football instead or something. Fuck. What the hell did you do to this team? Do you want me to personally pay for Tubby Smith's contract so he can come back and not completely blow? Oh and I just purchase FireGillespie.com. Another performance like this and that website and me are making the PTI, Sportscenter rounds." Ashley Judd

Pitchers and catchers is just around the corner and rosters are so close to being filled out. Yet there are still some warm bodies out there for the picking. Mostly elder washed up bodies, but warm bodies nonetheless. So let's rank the bodies from dead fish to hey maybe you actually could be of some use.

Out for 2008

63. Mike Matheny, C - He retired last year.

62. Akinori Otsuka, RP - Bum arm out for 2008. Plus he's old so signing him to a multi year deal is probably not the wisest decision. Just wait to 09 and offer a minor league deal.

61. Neifi Perez, SS - On Drug Suspension for most of the year. And he's not good anyway.

Umm Who the Hell Are You

60. Sean Barker, CF - Sorry not familiar with Sean Barker.

59. Brad Salmon, RP - I enjoy salmon.

58. Brian Rogers, RP - Mr. Rogers wears a sweater.

57. Andy Gonzalez, 3B - Not Adrian.

56. Bronson Sardinha, LF - I know who Bronson is only because he's Melky and Matsui's love child.

55. Mike O'Connor, SP - 3-8 with a 4.81 era for the Nationals means you're probably a AAA player.

54. Jerry Gil, SS - No idea.

53. Jose Garcia, SP - With a name like Jose, how could you blend in?

52. Yukinaga Maeda, RP - Just cause your Japanese, doesn't mean you are any good.

You Haven't Retired Yet?

51. Mike Lieberthal, C - Lieberthal is actually the only one who has officially retired on this list.

50. Ron Villone, RP - You're washed up Ron.

49. Sandy Alomar Jr., C - What are you doing playing in the minors and being a scrub 4th team catcher. Just go into coaching like your dad.

48. David Wells, SP - Come on Boomer just hang it up already. Don't even contemplate coming back. You're lucky you didn't beach yourself in San Diego.

47. Reggie Sanders, RF - Give it up Reggie no one wants you anymore.

46. Jose Mesa, RP - ERA > 7 = Retire

45. Roger Clemens, SP - Please Please just retire for the benefit of everyone.

44. Julio Franco, 1B - Join a sotball league already.

43. Kelly Stinnett, C - 38 and a 160 hitter = Retirement.

42. Rondell White, LF - He's 99% sure he's going to retire. So just do it.

41. Tony Batista, 1B - How the hell did Tony Batista get into 80 games last year?

40. Tony Clark, 1B - You've been grey for over 10 years.

39. Aaron Sele, RP - People that suck at long relief do not belong in the majors anymore.

38. Sammy Sosa, DH - You hit 21 homers last year, but you can't play the field and you hit .250. Better DHs are easily had.

Can You Make a Roster?

37. Jason Tyner, LF - Is the career home run total at 1 or 2 now?

36. Jerry Hairston Jr., CF - Probably more Mitchell Report mentions than teams interested in Jerry.

35. Nook Logan, CF - The goofier named Tyner?

34. Mark Sweeney, 1B - He seemed to get a long with Barry Bonds, which is a heroic accomplishment.

33. Trot Nixon, RF - Care to do a minimum amount of platooning against righties?

32. Ryan Klesko, 1B - Remember when you had power. Man that was a long time ago.

31. Corey Koskie, 3B - Good thing you got injured last year so the Brewers could slot in Braun.

30. Russ Ortiz, SP - Remember when the Dbacks gave him all that money? Man that was stupid.

29. Rodrigo Lopez, SP - One of those guys that you thought would eventually have a breakout, but it never came.

28. John Thomson, SP - He had a good season once.

27. Orlando Palmeiro, LF - He could be a backup. I guess.

26. Tony Graffanino, 2B - Welcome to back up infielder corner.

25. Jeff Cirillo, 3B - Where Jeff joins Tony.

24. Kevin Mench, LF - He's got a very big head, and he got hot when he was wearing the wrong shoes.

23. Preston Wilson, RF - From all star caliber to completely unwanted.

22. Russell Branyan, 3B - A swing and miss.

21. Eric Milton, SP - Always a name people know, but never a really good pitcher.

20. Josh Fogg, SP - Josh Fogg starting big games explains why the Rockies didn't win it all.

19. Shawn Chacon, RP - He shows flashes every once in awhile so he may be good for a start or two throughout the season.

18. Damian Miller, C - Possibly a still serviceable backup catcher.

17. Byung-Hyun Kim, SP - How could someone be so dominant as a closer and then just bail ship so quickly. Someone can salvage BK's career right?

16. Odalis Perez, SP - At one point in time Odalis was really good right?

Do You Have Some More Juice Left?

15. Antonio Alfonseca, RP - Umm, he's got 6 fingers on each hand. That's a good addition to a roster.

14. Bob Wickman, RP - Two seasons ago he was still a serviceable closer. And then last year his fat ass was a bum. If someone is desperate for a 2nd option at closer, gettin Wicky with it could be their desperate move.

13. Kenny Lofton, CF - Somehow someway Kenny always seems to contribute.

12. Shawn Green, RF - If you need a role model for your local Jewish population.

11. Armando Benitez, RP - He still has a fastball which could be of use. But he's still a massive headache.

10. Livan Hernandez, SP - Always been a workhorse, the only problem is the work has been shotty as of late... Sorry Boys but Livan is taking his warm bodied Cuban Self to Minnesota.

9. Shannon Stewart, LF - He hit .290 last year for Oakland while on the field. But he's injury plagued and doesn't have any power remaining.

8. Mike Piazza, DH - A 3rd catcher with veteran leadership and some pop left in his bat.

7. Barry Bonds, LF - Barroid could certainly help a team in the DH role despite all of his negative baggage.

Why Haven't You Been Signed Yet?

6. Jeff Weaver, SP - Jeff Weaver should be the poster boy for Scott Boras Agency Abuse.

5. Kris Benson, SP - It's a package deal with a big rack. And if he cheats everyone in the clubhouse scores. Why hasn't anyone hopped aboard yet?

4. Kyle Lohse, SP - A case where you aren't very good but the market dictates you are one of the top options. So you wait and wait for the best offer until teams eventually realize that giving ten million dollars to Kyle Lohse is not a prudent financial decision.

3. Bartolo Colon, SP - Maybe if you weren't so damn fat people would want to sign you.

2. Freddy Garcia, SP - The velocity is way down and he had an injury plagued 2007. But he's 2 years off a 17 win season and 3 years of a 3.86 era. If you need a 4th or 5th starter why not bring in Freddy?

1. Corey Patterson, CF - Moderate power. A ton of speed. Solid in the outfield. A below average contact hitter. In the right situation for the right team Corey Patterson could be a very valuable 4th outfielder and I am unsure why nobody has bitten on him yet.

But Damn....

This one should be pretty easy.

As a Celtic fan you come to understand the inherent necessity of a token redhead playing in the green and white uniform. Really did anyone ever look better than Bill Walton in a Celtic Jersey? But there has to be a better option than Brian Scalabrine, and thus the new feature. Todays edition focuses on Hot Famous Redheads.


Rose McGowan - If you have ever been romantically involved with Marilyn Manson than my guess is that you have a few screws loose and have atleast a little loose cannon in you. Thus Rose McGowan would almost certainly be more useful in a bench clearing brawl than Scals.

Lindsey Lohan - Scalabrine brings airballs and copious amounts of boredom. Meanwhile Lohan brings the ability to snort coke in copious amounts and play with cutlery in a faux sexual manner.

Nikki Cox - Rack. That's really the key word here. Nikki has a large rack, Scals has no rack. They both have no ability thus the tiebreaker goes to the rack.


Alyson Hannigan - She used to slay vampires on TV, or atleast help with the slaying of Vampires. Plus, she played a lesbian on that show which is far more entertaining than anything Scalabrine does.

Amy Adams - Very underrated redhead. In Talladega Nights she showed her true hotness ability jumping on the table. Scals does not have any ability and def. doesn't have the ability to look highly attractive.

Kirsten Dunst - She's tiny and mildly overrated in the looks department and she probably isn't a true redhead. But atleast if she needs help she has Spiderman in her corner. Does Scalabrine have Spiderman in his corner? I don't think so.


Isla Fisher - If you can make an honest man out of Borat than you must have some sort of magical powers. Either you have an abundance of useful Gypsie tears, are Pamela Anderson, or the ability to shrink people. Scalabrine has none of the above.

Laura Prepon - She went blond which was incredibly lame, but she is pretty damn hot. Plus if she brings in the 70s look than that will probably mean high sox which are always a plus.


Julia Roberts - She played a pretty good prostitute which means she can bring in income to the Celtics. Would anyone other 400 pound she-males pay for sex with Scals? No.

Nicole Kidman - If you can spend over ten years married to Tom Cruise and still be regarded as relatively sane than you have a strong brain. Plus, she's 5-10 1/2 meaning she probably has better moves in the post than Scals.

There's a lot of injuries I wouldn't mind occurring to Tom Brady, but the slashed artery that Richard Zednik had yesterday is one that I wouldn't wish on anybody. Season ending injury is one thing but potential death is completely different.

Got a few of these this week to pass the time while I'm caged in an anti-blog friendly work environment.

A day late and a buck short but these weeks have been a struggle with actually work. 1. The Midwest - Who doesn't want the Television to crap out during the Super Bowl, I mean the middle quarters were a snooze fest anyway so who really cares if you miss a bunch. Apparently Arkansas and Oklahoma really didn't care if their residents missed a large part of the game. 2. Pedro Martinez - Cock fighting is just a fun alternative to UFC in the Dominican except with less steroids, less blood and more death. Can you really blame Peetey for enjoying a little cock on cock battle. You have to do something to keep yourself occupied in the DR if you aren't going to take B12 shots with Miguel Tejada. 3. Bill Belichick - My team just lost but there is one second left in the game and since I'm a huge whining baby I think I will leave the field before the clock actually completely ticks off. I'm a sore loser, I don't want to take a Super Bowl loss like a man. 4. Kevin Hart - Imaginary recruiting is even better than real recruiting. I think the kid deserves atleast a little bit of kudos for convincing his entire town that he was being recruited by two of the top schools in the entire Pac 10. I think it's even more amazing if he could have actually have duped his parents into believing he was getting a scholarship to one of the top public schools in the country. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Jerramy Stevens

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of Carl, Fanhouse, Fanhouse again, Larry Brown, me, Daily Show, With Leather, someone, someone else, Gheorge

I am Shaqsun, I create heat for the entire Northern Hemisphere. The reason that Arizona is a desert is because I am centrally located there.

I will give Steve Nash a tan and will evaporate all local Lakes, especially ones that are created with purple and gold. I will melt down Spurs and Nuggets and sculpt a Shaqsun figurine. I will give heat stroke to any hornets in the way. I will dehydrate any Trailblazers attempting to cross through the desert. I will sweat the accuracy out of the Mavericks pistols. I will eviscerate all Warriors that attempt to travel through the desert. The trumpets will immediately rust and decompose when in view of my light. I will explode all Rockets before launch.

It is the time of the Shaqsun. The Shaqsun will dominate all.

As a Celtic fan you come to understand the inherent necessity of a token redhead playing in the green and white uniform. Really did anyone ever look better than Bill Walton in a Celtic Jersey? But there has to be a better option than Brian Scalabrine, and thus the new feature. Todays edition focuses on Dead Political Figure Redheads.


Winston Churchill: Not exactly the most athletic or talents option out there, but you know that he can with stand some intense bombings from the opponent.

Lenin: Want person could you possibly want more to create team unity. Lenin could profess that teams are best run when all are equals and none are given perks... Maybe that wouldn't work. But atleast you would have a Malkovich look a like.

Leon Trotsky: If you can't get the #1 Russian communist than why not get his right hand man. Plus look at the sweet fro, mustache beard combo. The man knows style.


George Washington: GW not only led the US in the Revolutionary War and was our first president but at 6' 2 the dude could dominate the paint in his era.

Dwight Eisenhower: During his time they used to call him Dr. D after he showed his tremendous balling skills in the down time. You know while he wasn't leading the US to a victory in World War II.

Ulysses S. Grant: 5'8 of Whiskey guzzlin Civil War Veteran. At the very least Ulysses would provide a little extra piss and vinegar on the Celtics bench.


Thomas Jefferson: Back in the day TJ used to man up on GW all the time. 6' 2 1/2 TJ and GW had cabinet pick up games daily. Both could dunk but only TJ could dunk with authority.

Martin Van Buren: At 5 foot 6 Martin probably won't get much burn, but in fights he could provide the Jeff Van Gundy ankle biting role.

Calvin Coolidge: Was a member of my fraternity and my fraternity dominated intramural sports in my career. Basketball wasn't one of them, but whatever Calvin is a unparralleled athlete.

Eli don't give no crap.

Courtesy of FanIQ

4 + 4 + 4 + 4 = 16
That's what addition taught you as a kid right? Just add things up.

4 - 1 = 3
Another lesson you learned as a kid was if you are with 4 people and you have one apple and you can't split the apple, than only one person is going to get to eat the apple.

You Can't Merge Humans
Unfortunaly another lesson I've learned over the years is that you can not merge human beings. You can not merge the strengths of one into the strengths of another. It is currently not medically possible.

So now the question is. If you have four 4 star running back recruits what the hell is the point? You typically only play 1 tailback at a time. Hell Rich Rod didn't even play Noel Devine that much. So if he only has a certain amount of scholarships to give out (somewhere in the mid to low 20s) than why the hell is he using them on 4 4 star running backs.

Peyton Manning "Ya I punched the dude next to me in the face. I ain't no punk bitch and ain't about to listen to any Eli is better than Peyton talk. We all know there is only one Double Stuff Lazer Rocket Arm Quarterback on this planet. And that's Peyton Manning. And that's me."

Hey Guys I just want to let you know that I'm still around. I don't quite understand why I had to wear this press badge all day long. I'm still a part of the team right? You know the emotional leader and stuff. The one that fires everybody up in the huddle. I was there spiritually at the very least right? You could feel my presence in the huddle, I think that's why we scored on that last td drive. My spirit empowered you with confidence and positive emotions it also helped David hold onto that pass. My hands are immaculate.

So I just hope that you guys you know keep me around next year. You know that 70% of the Giants jerseys sold in the last few years are Shockey jerseys. Everyone loves Shockey. So please don't trade me to a shitty team for the sole reason that I wasn't you know physically playing. That's just semantics, I helped this team win on Saturday.

Jeremy

February 6th 2008 was supposed to be the day when 18 year olds decide who will come to hate them during their next 4 years. For Terrelle Pryor however, the decision has been made to delay the inevitable. Pryor was previously scheduled to appear on the ESPN family of networks to announce which Big 10 school would come to love him and which 2 rival Big 10 schools would really come to hate him. Instead he's decided to let everybody linger.

The original front runners of Ohio St. have to be concerned that he's rethinking his decision. The Wolverines have to be wondering why he doesn't jump at the opportunity to start 4 years at the Big House. In state Penn St. must be wondering why he would want to play out of state. And finally Oregon must be thrilled at the simple opportunity to potentially get into the mix. Time to get that Nike train moving on the recruiting trail.

Me? I just want it over with and would like to soon find out if the Wolverines are going to be good or mediocre in 2008, and for now it appears as if I and the rest of the Big 10 and Duck fans will just have to wait some more.

So you can't buy those 19-0 t-shirts you were hoping to get and of course that's disappointing. But there is some solace in the situation. At least you can still buy a ton of AFC Championship Apparel on the Patriots Online Shop.

Randy: Yo Tom, I heard Gisele is gettin back with Leo.

Tom: Huh?

Randy: Just playin dog. So that game sucked eh?

Tom: No shit.

Randy: You know what else is gonna suck?

Tom: What jackass?

Randy: Playin in the Pro Bowl, that shit is lame.

Tom: Hmm...

Randy: You rather go to Cabo? Get drunk on Tequila? Tony Romo said it was a good time.

Tom: Hmm... Peyton won't be there to make fun of me right?

Randy: Nope.

Tom: K I'm in.

If you google search the words "Tom Brady Loser" what is the #1 one post on the list. The Tom Brady the Loser post of course. Never have I been more proud of this site. I am a proud papa.

Tiki: I'm here with the #1 player in this years Super Bowl the GMen's #69, Rich Sorbet.

Rich Seubert: It's Seubert

Tiki Barber: Yes, Rich Sherbet. So Rich you were an absolute beast on the defensive line tonight. How did you and the boys put so much pressure on Tom all night long?

Rich Seubert: Um, I'm a guard.

Tiki Barber: Huh? For the Knicks?

Rich Seubert: No a guard on the offensive line. You know, one of those guys that helped you gain over 1000 yards last year.

Tiki Barber: Hmm, I got help?

Rich Seubert: Man your an ass.

Tiki Barber: Me and Ronde may dispute that on our radio show.

Rich Seubert: So why the hell are you interviewing me?

Tiki Barber: Well, no one else wants to talk to an offensive lineman, and you guys are amongst the most important players on the team.

Rich Seubert: So what you mean is there isn't a chance in Hell Tom or Eli is going to take an interview from you.

Tiki Barber: Ya pretty much.

Rich Seubert: Ha your a loser. I hope you enjoy looking at the big Super Bowl ring around my finger the next time we meet.

Tiki Barber: Well there you have it boys and girls, Rich Seubert, he may not have won the MVP but he blocked people, and that's important too. Well, not as important as me of course. Haha, people love Tiki.

The 2007 Patriots just crapped away their opportunity to become the greatest football team ever assembled. Instead they choked away in the absolute final game of the season. So why not make the natural New York vs. Boston comparison? What was a worse choke, the 2004 Yanks or the 18-1 Pats?

At Stake: Perfect Season vs. Continuation of the Curse

So what was at stake for each of these teams. The Yanks had already established a dynasty but were amidst a streak where they were losing World Series rather than winning them. Only a season before the Yanks shattered the Red Sox hopes and dreams with a walk off home run by Aaron freakin Boone. By beating the Red Sox, the Yanks would have had a very solid chance at defeating the Cardinals for their 5th title and additionally continued the Curse of the Bambino. The Pats on the other hand had the opportunity to re-solidify their dynasty while going down as the absolute greatest team in the history of football. This is a very close call but losing the opportunity to be the best team ever is larger than the chance at extending the streak which was slightly softened by this years championship.

Choke Advantage to the Pats

Opponent: 2007 Giants vs. 2004 Red Sox

The 2007 Giants were the perfect example of getting hot at the ideal moment. Will or should the Giants go down as one of the best teams ever? Absolutely not. The Giants went 10-6 during the regular season which garnered a meager 5 seed. Granted the 2004 Red Sox finished with the Wild Card and not a divisional crown, but they did have the 3rd best record in all of baseball. The 2004 Red Sox were a better overall team than the 2007 New York Giants.

The real difference here is the rivalry. New York and Boston always have a little bitterness regardless of whom is playing in the game but the hatred in New England for the Giants does not enter the stratosphere of the Yankee hatred in New England. There is no real team rivalry, just a natural city rivalry for the Gmen and Pats. Meanwhile the Yanks and Sox are amongst the greatest rivals in the world.

Choke Advantage to the Yanks

Scenario: 1 Game vs. 4 Straight Games

Baseball is a game where sweeps happen. Teams always get swept it's easier for a bad team or a lesser team to win games than in football. Hell if it wasn't the Royals would go 0-162 every season. If it was 2 games or perhaps 3 than the Pats whom had an obvious talent advantage over the Giants would have had a comparable scenario. But 4 games on the other hand dominates the Pats 1 loss.

Choke Advantage to the Yanks

Verdict

As much as I would love to have something to mention worse than the 2004 Yanks, the Patriots losing on Sunday was not worse. The Patriots had slightly more on the line than the Yanks but the Yanks loss was drastic and to a much more relevent foe. While sunday certainly makes New Yorkers feel a bit better, it certainly isn't worse than 2004.

Meetings Meetings Meetings Meetings. That's what my life is going to be over the next 2 weeks starting today at 3. From 8 to damn 5:30 6 everyday. Hopefully I'll be able to get some solid posting done but it's more than likely going to be slower than normal here. F'n real job.

Before all of these shirts get shipped to a 3rd World Country, can someone get me one? Thanks.

I had the Giants going 9-7 this season which was completely outside what most people projected. And what was my main reason? "...and most of all I think Eli Manning is going to have a big breakout season." Hahahaha I am so fuckin smart. I had so much confidence in Eli having a breakout season that I drafted him as my starting QB in both of my fantasy leagues.

Additionally after the Vikings miserable debacle, I backed up Eli yet again saying he was not a miserable quarterback but at the given moment simply an upper middle of the pack guy.

Hooray me for getting something right for a change.

Just for fun let's have a countdown of the top 25 versions of Super Bowl Loser Tom Brady.

25. Loser Huddle Brady













24. On Bended Knee Loser Brady



















23. Lip Biting Loser Brady




















22. Loser Press Conference Brady














21. Walk Off the Field as a Loser Brady















20. I Need People Around Me to Make Me Feel Better Loser Brady












19. I Drop the Football Loser Brady










18. Hang Your Head Loser Brady



















17. I Just Threw an Incompletion Loser Brady

















16. Helmet Smash Loser Brady

















15. Close My Eyes and Pray Loser Brady




















14. I Just Stepped in Dog Poop Loser Brady



















13. I Used the Towel to Clean Up the Piss in My Pants Loser Brady



















12. Gisele is the New Jessica Simpson Loser Brady














11. Focusing On Bill's Cut Off Sleeves Loser Brady




















10. The Big Black Man Just Hit Me Loser Brady



















9. Is Osi Laughing At Me Loser Brady














8. Utter Disappointment vs. Utter Joy Loser Brady



















7. This Is Gonna Hurt A Lot Loser Brady




















6. Tears of Infinite Sadness Loser Brady



















5. Strahan's Biceps Make Me Scared Loser Brady




















4. Prison Shower Scene Loser Brady















3. Just Been Pounded in the Arse Loser Brady

















2. Daddy Is Not Happy With Me Loser Brady
















And the #1 Loser Brady Is.......


1. Huh We Just Lost the Super Bowl Loser Brady



















So Who is Your Favorite Loser Brady?

I am a very very very happy bitter angry jet fan. I will never cheer for a team that isn't the Jets harder last night. I will never be happier that a team lost. Never. For one night my bitterness led to bliss.

So the Grizzlies aren't good. They are 13-33 and not getting better. So putting the wrecking ball to the team isn't the worst of decisions. But usually when you put the wrecking ball to something you are building something else up. But not former Celtics Exec Chris Wallace, nope he's just given assets away.

Traded for Jason Collins

So they traded Stromile Swift for Jason Collins. Stromile Swift isn't any good at anything other than dunking but Jason Collins? Seriously? Have you ever watched a Nets game? He sucks as hardcore as Scalabrine. He brings absolutely nothing to the table. He probably makes less money than Collins, but what free agent is going to want to play in Memphis anyway no matter how much cap room you create.

Traded Pau to the Lakers

Pau was the Grizzlies prize trading chip. He's been an all star, he's only 27, when healthy he's easily a 20-10 guy and with the right team he could seriously improve a roster. His contract is somewhat bloated, but so are 80% of the max contract deals out there. So what did Chris Wallace do with his #1 asset? He traded it for complete garbage. Kwame Brown? He's one of the biggest busts of all time. Javaris Crittenton? He's an unproven rookie getting no PT at this time. The Rights to Pau's Brother Marc? That was just thrown in there for fun right? Two First Round Picks? The Lakers are gonna make the playoffs this year and every forseeable year that Kobe Bryant is still healthy and wearing the yellow and purple uni. Thus the Grizzlies gave away an all star and got nothing but cap room back and some low end potential players. Atleast when the T-Wolves traded KG they got Big Al back. Hell, this deal just might be shittier than the Johan Santana deal, at least we knew the Twins absolutely could not pay Santana the money.

Perhaps Chris Wallace felt like this, this morning and decided if that's how he felt he might as well trade for some of it as well.

Two big time wastes of Oxygen battle it out this week in a classic showdown 1. Grey Ruegamer - I don't really know if this deserves Waste of Oxygen status or if it's just really really really weird. But when some guy tells a story about biting off animal nuts I think it's crazy enough that at the very least it garners some consideration. Is it that much easier to use your teeth than say bolt cutters? 2. Brandon Inge - At first I thought Inge would have had a shot at winning this week. He's the prototypically woah is me I get 6 million dollars a year and I'm not happy guy. He's bitching about how he isn't going to get any pt now that Cabrera is a Tiger yet it's his 6 million dollar contract which makes him untradeable. Typically this sort of whining has a shot to win the weekly waste, but this week I'd be shocked if Inge took home a vote. 3. Jerramy Stevens - Before you do anything, read the entire story including the article linked to by TBL. Than after a few minutes regather your thoughts and just classify how big of a scumbag Jerramy Stevens is. How there is any possible way you would want to be friends with him, or have him as one of your teammates, or be forced to coach him, or even be in the same state as him. Than think about how the prosecutor completely bailed him out for no discernible reason and think about how you're ten billion times the human being as Stevens yet can't ever catch a break. Now how much do you hate this man. 4. Tomas Delgado - Excuse me but do you see my audi? I paid a shitload for that car and now it's damaged and it's completely your sons fault. I want you to pay me back for the damages to my car. If you leave out the details it's not that bad. Car was damaged partially the sons fault wants money for damages. Than when you throw in the fact that Delgado was driving 100 mph and his car was damaged when he killed the son, than it puts a whole different spin on things. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Ultimate Warrior

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Go Read. That is all.

Breakin it Down is usually 5 key stories plus a pick for each postseason game. But for the Super Bowl we'll do 5 keys for the Giants and Pats and a post for what I think will occur.

The Ridiculous Prop Bets

Vegas Watch highlights some of the more ludicrous prop bets which I will run through.

National Anthem over 1:42, this is a lock.
The highest rated ad will be Budweiser as they have so many damn ads they better hit a home run with at least one of them.
Peyton Manning will be mentioned less than 5.5 times by Joe Buck.
Archie Manning will definitely be shown more than 4.5 times.
Some schmuck on the Fox Pregame will pick the Giants.
Bob Kraft will not mention the 72 Dolphins.
Don Shula will not be on the field to shake Bill's hand.
The MVP will thank his teammates first.
The Head Coach will be dumped by blue liquid. Taken a gamble on that one.
Tom Petty won't do anything cool so avoid all those bets.

Beer of Choice

Cold Beer is good enough for me. Although I fully expect to drink some of Grutt's home brew. And no god damn Tequila shots.

The Pick: Patriots 34 Giants 23

Like just about everybody else I am predicting a close game. This is partially banked on hope rather than reason. I could easily see Eli throwing 2 early ints and the Pats going up 3 scores really early. In the end I'm going to remain consistent and pick the favorite to win and the underdog to cover. This gives us the wonderful opportunity to watch Tom Brady hold up the trophy. Woo... Atleast I called it at the start of the season, just like everybody else.


Afterwards seeing that again I fully expect to yet again feel like this.

I think writing a letter from my brain to me helped.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos In Order Courtesy of EDSBS, AA, The Big Picture, College Hoops Journal, Deadspin, CO-ED Magazine, FanIQ, Deadspin again,


Dem Asians be at it again. Ky makes a tasty appetizer.


Buuuurrrrrrnnnnnnn


Seriously? Seriously? People want to play hockey under ice?


Yes T-bag that douchebag. Well done Hokie fans, well done.


Seriously? Why not just not vote for her because she always seems like she has a stick up her ass?


Just get me some god damn new tv already.