Jesus Had Nothing to Do With It

Sorry for the hiatus, I've been busy. And by busy I mean lazy. Doubt you missed me anyway.

In case you haven’t caught this, a family in Northern California got lost for several days in a heavy snow storm. That’s right, a father, an 18 year old boy, and two teenage girls managed to get themselves so hopelessly lost that they needed rescuing. One would assume that they were on some 20 mile wilderness hike, or camping in some remote location. And one would be wrong. They went out to find a Christmas tree for the family.

I’ve got several problems with this, the first being how the hell do you get lost trying to find a Christmas tree? I’m pretty sure that at 18 years old you could have put me at the edge of the woods with a saw, and told me to go get a Christmas tree I would have pulled it off. At the very least I would have made it back, tree or not. And I assume the dad has been around the block a few more times than the kid. The kids should be fairly happy about this though, they get a free pass for the rest of their lives. Anytime the dad tells them what to do, they can play the, “Hey dad remember that time we got lost in the woods trying to find a friggin Christmas tree? Ok, thought so, go screw,” card.

Finally, the family was quick to name Jesus as the reason they got saved. I’m going to go ahead and beg to differ on this one. The reason they were saved is because they did what you’re supposed to do when you’re lost. Find shelter, and stay the hell where you are. If you go wandering around, nobody is going to find you. So they found a nice cozy culvert, stuffed their feet in each others shirts, and hunkered down, which was definitely the smartest thing they did all week. The only thing that Jesus had to do with this is the fact that they were looking for a tree to celebrate the guy’s birthday. Or his rising. Or his crucifixion. Whatever the hell we celebrate Christmas for, I don’t know. Merry friggin Christmas.

Numbers On Steroids: Bret Boone

Numbers on Steroids is a look at baseball players during the 90s to see if anything screams out at you. Mr. Boone was once the best power hitting second baseman in the league. How questionable was his success? Averages Say: Why the extra plateu in his mid 30s? At Bats Per Home Run Says: Lowest at Bats Per Home Runs at 37? Hmm.... Explaining It Away Yeak, this one is tough. Umm, late bloomer? He showed potential power early in his career and he just liked playing in Seattle a lot more than everywhere else? And umm, his career was kind of like a running backs in that it just all of a sudden fell off the map? Any of these convincing you? The Verdict Guy never hits more than 24 home runs in a season and then in his age 32 season he hits 37? And in SafeCo a pitchers park to boot? And he follows that up with 24, 35, 24 homer years still at SafeCo? And then he completely falls off the map in 2005 never to be heard from again? We've got a Screamer... Man Get Big Muscles In 30s. Hm...

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Comments

Anonymous said…

The father reminds of Tom the chef and he would also say Jesus was the reason they made it out

12:22 PM

22 of us, most of which were half in the bag at the time, managed to do this 3 times at 2 in the morning on a weekday night and nobody got lost, hurt, or arrested. And one of those trees was a 40 footer.

Obviously the father never pledged in college.

6:43 PM

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