2009 NFL Season/Playoff Predictions

Friday, September 11, 2009

This is going to be quick and dirty but mostly quick.

1. NFC East Champs: Philadelphia Eagles 14-2
2. NFC West Champs: Arizona Cardinals 11-5
3. NFC North Champs: Green Bay Packers 11-5
4. NFC South Champs: New Orleans Saints 9-7
5. NFC Wildcard #1: New York Giants 12-4
6. NFC Wilcard #2: Dallas Cowboys 10-6

1. AFC East Champs: New England Patriots 14-2
2. AFC North Champs: Pittsburgh Steelers 13-3
3. AFC South Champs: Indianapolis Colts 12-4
4. AFC West Champs: San Diego Chargers 11-5
5. AFC Wilcard #1: Tennessee Titans 11-5
6. AFC Wildcard #2: Baltimore Ravens 10-6

Wild Card Weekend

Dallas Cowboys vs. Green Bay Packers
Come on did you really think I was going to pick the Cowboys and Tony Romo to actually win a playoff game? They are doomed to never win a playoff game ever again, call it the curse of the Nose Candy or the STD of the Hotel Hooker.
Winner: Packers

New York Giants vs. New Orleans Saints
The G-Men will be forced to go on the road despite having tied for the best record in the NFC. Alas, it will not matter much in the Metrodome as the Juggernaut shall pound the rock and Drew Brees will get flustered by the constant attack of the Giants defensive line.
Winner: Giants

Baltimore Ravens vs. Indianapolis Colts
The Ravens aren't really good. They weren't good last year and won't be that good this year. They'll get into the playoffs solely because of their crap schedule and will lose immediately.
Winner: Colts

Tennessee Titans vs. San Diego Chargers
The Titans have a solid team all around even if their QB is an alocholic. The problem they play well and manage not to score points. Last year against the Ravens they dominated every aspect of the game, and still lost. This year in San Diego it will be the same.
Winner: Chargers

Divisional Playoffs

Green Bay Packers vs. Arizona Cardinals
Oh the Cardinals and their division of complete poop and inflated record. They got to the title game last year thanks in part to the conference aligning up perfectly for them and the sad play of McNabb in the title game. This year, the rude awakening will be Aaron Rodgers touchdown passes a plenty.
Winner: Packers

New York Giants vs. Philadelphia Eagles
Revenge is a dish served best on the road. The G-Men have a score to settle with McNabb and his boys and they will get it done in Philly.
Winner: Giants

San Diego Chargers vs. New England Patriots
LaDainain Tomlinson will get Swine Flu and be forced to miss yet another playoff game in New England and will yet again watch his team lose.
Winner: Patriots

Indianapolis Colts vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
Peyton Manning in the cold in the playoffs in Pittsburgh, sorry its still not a good combination. The combination of Donald Brown and Joseph Addai will get nothing done and "Three Day Old Cheeseburger" will pull another come back victory drive out of his ass like he does all the time.
Winner: Steelers

Conference Championships

NFC Championship: New York Giants vs. Green Bay Packers
The G-Men back in Lambeau for a return matchup of the New Millenium Ice Bowl, much like that game it shall be decided by quarterback play. And like that game the Packers QB will make a miserable mistake to cost his team a W.
Winner and NFC Champions: Giants

AFC Championship: Pittsburgh Steelers vs. New England Patriots
A matchup of the two most annoying (aka successful) teams in football. Some may cheer for an Ice Storm of frozen railroad spikes or perhaps liquid nitrogen rain, but instead we'll get a football game where the Patriots are victorious.
Winner and AFC Champions: Patriots

Super Bowl XLIII: New York Giants vs. New England Patriots

I was going to pick the Patriots to win it all because well they've returned the offense that went 16-0 now that Brady's knee is in tact, but well fuck it. I don't want them to win and it would be oh so hilarious if the Giants manaaged to win a rematch of the Super Bowl and yet agains send Brady to the sidelines in a temper tantrum because his offensive line can do nothing but watch him get pummeled.

And then we get to watch Eli Manning and his aww shucks I'm an idiot I won the Super Bowl face yet again. All will be well in the world, well except the fact that the Jets will yet again not have one the SuperBowl for the 27th consecutive time in my life.

Winner and Super Bowl XLIV Champions: New York Giants

Posted by Simon at 1:11 PM   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!


the very end of the story...and he missuses "one" instead of "won".

Doesn't anybody proof read this crap?

Anonymous said...
2:14 PM  

I for one would enjoy a rematch as the Pats offense, if anything, has more weapons. The Giants defense looks strong this year. The Giants offense and the Pats defense both remain mediocre, but I suspect the G-men will be able to put points up. I agree with the setup, but of course the Pats will triumph.

Hart said...
7:23 AM  

proofreading is for people who get paid...

Simon said...
10:22 AM  

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