Tuesday, September 01, 2009
1. Florida Gators: 3 Cupcakes and a Cheeseburger - The only saving grace for the Gators is their in-state rival FSU who may wind up being good this season. In reality the Seminoles could once again be a middle of the pack ACC team and barely qualify as a cheeseburger.
2. Texas Longhorns: 4 Cupcakes - Seriously Mack Brown, this is your Out of Conference Schedule? I hope you go undefeated and get shafted out of the title game. Go screw jackass.
3. Oklahoma Sooners: 2 Cupcakes and 2 Cheeseburgers - At the very least Oklahoma for the 2nd straight years makes sure it plays a solid MWC team and Miami. Sure Miami might not be back to the powerhouse they used to be, but at least the Sooners are trying.
4. USC Trojans: 1 Cupcake, 1 Cheeseburger, 1 Steak - Much like the Seminoles, Notre Dame could easily lose its Cheeseburger status, but there is no doubt that a trip to the horseshoe is a mighty mighty steak.
5. Alabama: 3 Cupcakes and 1 Steak - We can easily overlook the three cupcakes given the fact that they've schedule the two time defending ACC Champ in their first game of the year.
6. Ohio State: 3 Cupcakes and a Steak - USC makes up for all the remaining cupcakes on Ohio State's schedule. If you're willing to play the best, then we'll overlook the filler wins you schedule.
7. Virginia Tech: 1 Steak, 1 Cheeseburger, 1 Hot Dog, and a Cupcake - The Hokies are by far the cream of the crop this season when it comes to top teams OOCs. The Hokies scheduled defending Sugar Bowlers Alabama in game 1. They have Big 12 North front runner on the schedule. Than they have two teams in the Conference USA that have a track record of success. Kudos to you ass face and your solid scheduling.
8. Ole Miss: 4 Cupcakes - "How to make your season look better than it truly was before it even starts" by Ole Miss. It's a book on how to schedule four automatic wins to fill in your SEC season.
9. Oklahoma State: 1 Steak, 1 Hot Dog and 2 Cupcakes - UGA is a slight mystery in week 1, but we'll give them steak status given their past track record and scheduling an SEC team in the home opener. Houston went 8-5 last year and won a bowl, so we'll be generous and give Okie St. an extra hot dog.
9. Penn State: 4 Cupcakes - Honestly, Joe Pa schedules joke opponents. An automatic 4 wins does nothing for your resume old man.
11. LSU: 1 Hot Dog and 3 Cupcakes - Washington barely, and I mean barely, qualifies as a hot dog. I'll give LSU partial credit for at minimum scheduling a BCS team, but it's mostly all lame.