SimonOnSports

The Yankees haven't been terrible this season but this is in spite of the below contestants who have done their best in attempting to foil the Yankees season. 1. Jason Giambi - He sucks in the field he's got greasy hair he strikes out all the time he gets paid a shit ton and he can't hit a baseball much anymore. Plus there is the general dislike many have for him given the fact he was a complete product of steroid abuse. 2. Robinson Cano - He struggles during the cold months every year, but .160? Seriously .160? You can't even get a hit in 2 at bats given 10? In the powerhouse Yankees lineup Cano has yet to reach double digits in either RBI or Runs scored. 3. Ian Kennedy - I don't think too much was expected from Ian Kennedy other than an ERA around 4 and a .500 record. Well try an ERA double what was expected and a record without any wins and that's what Kennedy has given to the the Yanks thus far this season. 4. Phil Hughes - And then there's Phi...

Typing in this god damn Word Verification every single time I want to make a post is incredibly annoying. Especially considering 50% of the time I have no god damn clue what the letters are. Thanks assbags.

Before the night was over and D'Antoni had left San Antonio after his Phoenix team was eliminated from the playoffs the word was out, he will no longer be the Phoenix coach . It's pretty obvious that if he is going to leave that job he must not think the GM/President and Ownership have full confidence in him and chances are good that the Shaq deal pissed him the hell off. He wants out, he wants a fresh start and he'll let the Suns attempt to develop a half court game with Nash and Shaq, his leaving is understandable. His run and shoot window is over. But how the hell even in that situation could you possibly leave to take the Knicks job. Can someone get Mike to a hospital please. Someone obviously took a big spill at some point in time this weekend. How exactly would Mike's offense turn the Knicks around? Perhaps I'm missing where the Steve Nash clone is on the Knicks. Perhaps I'm missing how Eddy Curry is going to run the floor any better than Shaq. Pe...

Is Tampa Pitcher Matt Garza the Product of Vanilla Ice and a Tanning Bed? Me Thinks So.

The NBA coaching spots are beginning to be filled and there's two very large ends of the spectrum. Some times are opting for the coaches who have bounced around the league a bunch and have seen their fair share of up and downs, none with a more utilized suitcase than Larry Brown. On the complete opposite end, everybody and their transvestite step sons think that Mark Jackson who has never spent a single moment on the bench of an NBA team as a coach will wind up as the Knicks next coach. Larry Brown will be 68 throughout the 08-09 season while Jackson will only be 43. Larry Brown has been coaching in the NBA, ABA or NCAA since 1975. Jackson was a 10 year old in 1975. Brown has won both an NCAA Title and an NBA title while Jackson was never a member of a champion in either the NBA or NCAA. We know Brown can be a winner but we also were witness to the epic disaster of his New York Knicks. But can you blame Brown for it? Can you believe that it was Brown and not Isiah that wan...

Just when I speak up yesterday the Celtics go out and play a miserable 4th quarter and now find themselves in an interesting 2-2 series. The reason? Joe Johnson throttled them for 20 points in the 4th quarter alone and pretty much got to the bucket and scored at will. Ray Ray was not the defensive answer. Perhaps the Celtics should work on some kind of game plan to keep him out of the lane and/or put a hand in his face when he actually is shooting the basketball. Or... I guess they could just lose the series if they rather do that.

Don't like Tom Gorzelanny's 8+ ERA to start the season? Well his bobblehead says go screw. Courtesy of The Pittsburgh Channel

One valuable little lesson that you should not have learned was that you are not supposed to make the last out at home. Rather, the last out is the last out. Home, 1st, 2nd, fly ball, strikeout, anywhere, it's still the last out. In fact it's probably beneficial if the fielder attempts to throw a runner out at home rather than 1st because there is no force play at home. Thankfully the only thing my infield single with runners on 2nd and 3rd would have landed us, if the runner scored like he should have, was an extra inning of getting pummeled. But I guess it does say that the combination of poor talent, poor execution and poor knowledge of the fundamentals of the game is not necessarily a very good combination for a winning ball club.

I was busy getting drunk on Friday and Saturday to realize what was going on during the NBA playoffs and I've come to the conclusion that what I missed was a collective nothing. Once again the NBA postseason has been completely dull and story-less thus far. 5 series are currently at 3-1, the Lakers are at 3-0, the Celtics will most likely increase their series lead to 3-1, and the only series knotted up consists of two incredibly boring squads to watch in the Sixers and Pistons. The Suns Spurs was the one series I was truly looking forward to watching, and thanks to their inability to hold onto a lead in San Antonio they put themselves in an almost impossible 3-0 hole. The Celtics despite them being my team of choice play uninspiring uninteresting games against the Hawks. The only interesting part of the Lakers series is watching the Nuggets internally self destruct during the postgame commentary. The Hornets eat up Jason Kidd to the point where he tried to throw Pargo's ...

~First off let me just echo what my buddy Joe thought of the draft, it was boring. The one player that you really will be looking forward to watch take the field this year is going to a perennial 4 win team who won't be on TV much and additionally have 3 running backs who will compete for touches with him. The rest of the 1st round consisted of lineman, who while will be very beneficial to teams won't be players to diligently follow this year. ~The Jets draft was also boring. I obviously wanted McFadden but figured they'd end up with Gholston. I'm surprised they traded up for Keller whom everyone seems to think would have been a round when they picked in the 2nd round. The worst thing about Keller is that, it makes me think they are highly contemplating going back to Pennington this year. A tight end roaming around in the middle is the perfect complement to Chad's weak arm. One of the many remaining Wide Out who could spread the field would help someone with ...

Nugent nailing this kick to help the Jets win in Overtime the final week of the season cost the Jets the best player in the draft. Woo...

If you're in a fantasy league you should never be the ass that offers insulting trades like this. Why the hell would anyone want Jason Giambi?

Who wants to win a green jacket when you can win a plaid one sponsored by erizon.

Apparently winning the Masters does not necessarily carry over to the next time you play in a golf tournament. I'm glad I didn't use him on my Best Ball team.

Every year before the NFL Draft I watch this video just to remind me that no matter how exciting the Draft is for most teams, it always seems to be a disappointment for the Jets. Anyway, just for the fun of it let's look back at each of the picks featured in this video and see whom they could have drafted instead. 1980: Johnny Lam Jones #2 Lam Jones won a gold medal in the 76 Olympics on the relay team and was a burner with not so solid hands playing for the Jets from 80-85. Picked immediately following Jones was Anthony Munoz who turned out to be not half bad at Offensive Tackle. The next wideout taken in the draft? Art Monk at 18. Solid job New York. 1981: Freeman McNeil #3 He played for the Jets from 81-92 and actually made three Pro Bowls so he wasn't a complete bust. The remaining running backs in the draft were nothing special and the only 1st round draft pick left on the board was Ronnie Lott who went 8th (LT was drafted at #2). 1983: Ken O'Brien #24 O'Brie...

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos In Order Courtesy of BC , Odenized , The Beautiful Game , TBL , CO-ED , Fanhouse , FanIQ , With Leather , Everyone This did not happen in the section I was in. Lame. I believe I can fly I believe I can touch the rim. Eh, not that impressive. This is the Same idiot who voted for AJ in the 2006 MVP Vote . Man Rick Barry's free throw is gay. Umm, you're annoying. Get those seats while they're hot. Or have they moved already? http://view.break.com/492330 - Watch more free videos Blood is fun. So much fun. Who needs a helmet. Wow, this is pathetic.

Last year my genius gym decided that it was going to rid itself of all normal benches and and replace them with Smith Machines. I'm not exactly sure why, perhaps because they can be utilized for squats or perhaps because they are 'safer' for the person doing their bench presses, or the fact you can put an adjustable bench and do either regular bench presses or incline presses. Ok, it was probably a combination of all of those reasons, but after about 2 years of doing regular bench presses I was pretty annoyed. After the year, I've gotten pretty used to the Smith Machines, I do that and mix in a few dumbell presses and some flys and call it a day. You get used to what's available to you. Until they decided, probably due to the steroid abusers whining, to bring back a regular bench press. So I figured why not try to mix it back into the rotation. The results? Holy shit my shoulder stablizers are weak as hell thanks to the stupid Smith machines. I can't be...

Let's be honest no one knows what the hell is going to happen for the draft. Everyone is just guessing. So here is my "Guess" Draft. I actually filled this out last week, so do I get bonus points for getting Jake Long right? No? Ok, whatever. Also, I basically created the draft on the whole hope that McFadden will somehow drop to the Jets. So, expect it to be completely wrong.

Back when Johnny Damon was a Red Sock he was beloved by the 'Nation' and intensely hated by many Yankee fans including myself. And then his free agency loomed, should he stay with the Red Sox for significantly less money or venture to the opposite side of the rivalry and play for the Yanks. And when he chose the Yanks instead of the Sox the Nation felt betrayed and Yankee fans like myself were stuck attempting to figure out how they could possibly root for the guy. With that being said there was an explanation for why he jumped ship. It wasn't that all things being equal he decided to cross into enemy lines, no he just went where the money was. It was an understandable decision as a decent percentage of us probably would have done the same thing. Now meet Justin Boren who as a sophomore started for the Michigan Wolverines but decided he did not like the coaching methods of Rich Rodriguez and would rather transfer . So with a multitude of options out there, all providi...

~Does Vernon Gholston look like a comic book character? ~Jake Long receiving the largest contract for any offensive lineman in the league seems completely ludicrous. This is what I don't understand about the NFL. For a league with so many restrictions built to lower the salaries in the league, from the lack of guaranteed deals to the hard cap, how do they have absolutely no salary structure for their draft picks? Why would Miami want to bring in a talented young player who may or may not become a pro bowl with the biggest contract in the league rather than bring in an already proven player and pay him less. ~I don't really see what there is to lose for the Cowboys in trading for Pacman Jones. If he doesn't play they take a mild risk in giving up a 4th round pick but receiving a pick next year in return. If he does play he will certainly be worth a 4th round pick and whatever pick they will need to give additionally next year. Seems like a solid risk-reward decision to...

The Devil Rays have never in their franchise history finished better than 4th or won more than 70 games and it shows. Lineup (min. 100 games) C: Dioner Navarro 2007: They got rid of Toby Hall cause he hit .231 and then Navarro goes out and hits .227 in 388 at bats the following year. 1B: Travis Lee 2006: .224 average and .295 On Base % in 343 at bats. 2B: Brent Abernathy 2002: 2 Home Runs with a .599 OPS in 463 ABs. 3B: Aubrey Huff 2001: .248 average and a .288 on base % with only 8 homers over 411 at bats. SS: Kevin Stocker 1998: .208 Average, .282 On Base %, and .313 Slugging % in 336 at bats. All around awful. OF: Damon Hollins 2006: .228 Average and .269 On Base % over 333 at bats in 121 games. OF: Jonny Gomes 2006: The man Hollins was in a DH/OF/Bench platoon with hit a robust .216 in 2006 with 116 Ks in 385 at bats. OF: Al Martin 2003: Split time between DHing and playing the OF but for this purpose he shall be considered in the OF. He hit 3 home runs and had 2 steals...

Up 1 with seconds remaining in a huge European Clash? What to do when a ball is crossed into your penalty box? How about head the ball into you're own net? Apparently John Arne Riise thought that was a good idea. I don't know if Liverpool fans agreed. And Because this will surely get taken down from Youtube, here are some fun pictures.

Entering the NFL draft there's many different perspectives. They range from Jake Long who is now a multimillionaire and won't have to do anything but walk up to the podium and put on a Dolphins hat again. Meanwhile players like Sam Keller will be watching the second day in the hopes that they will here their name called and won't end up playing in the arena league. But Jake Long is a 300 pound oaf who may or may not currently have a smoking hot gf. Meanwhile Keller as evidence above and in more photos at Busted Coverage , already has the smoking hot gf. So the question is, would you rather have the cash or the hot lady? I'd imagine everyone would say cash.

It's Pig Dinner Weekend again so at the request of my assbag fraternity brothers I've put together another rankings going into the weekend. It appears as if Fors will not be suiting up for the tournament but rather will be not 100% intoxicated and yelling at people over nothing. Regardless his absence opens it up for another team to actually win this year. 1. The Mighty Putz: Jamie Carlson (1999), Mike Dorval (2002), Ryan Fournier (2000), Dana Griffin (2000) This team should probably be monitored the entire tournament as mass cheating is most likely committed. If you're under 5 foot 6 you can't be completely trustworthy. See Conidi for a reference... 2. Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear: Ron Wright (2002), Matt Siska (2002), Jeff Costa (2002), Bunz (2002) I feel as if they post a good score each year, but never quite remember. So they shall be placed at the same spot as last year. 2. 3. The Immortal 4: Justin Billings (2005), Daniel "Cotton"...

8:00 I show up to Madison Square Garden and someone's in my parking spot. Boo. 8:01 I drive to the next parking spot and see a sign that says "Parking for anyone Who Isn't Named Isiah Thomas". I am sad. Tears almost shed. 8:02 Every parking space seems to have the same sign. They also have pictures of my face with a big red circle around it and a dash through the center. I don't quite understand what that means. 8:05 I search for a parking space on the street no luck. 8:15 I finally find a parking space 5 blocks away. I get out of my car. And begin walking down the street. 8:20 Man attempts to throw his coffee at me. Says I ruined the Knicks. I attempt to tell him that the Knicks are well on their way to an NBA championship and that I will see them through. He tells me to go fuck myself. I attempt to explain to him that despite the fact that I am well hung it would be impossible. He calls me an ass and leaves. 8:28 I get to MSG, yay. Home sweet home. 8:30...

The Red Sox have 2 World Series Titles in the past 4 seasons but damn some of those lineups in the lat 90s were miserable. Lineup (min. 100 games) C: Jason Varitek 2006: In an effort to look completely washed up V-Tek hit .238 with only 12 dingers in 365 at bats. 1B: Brian Daubach 2000: .248 average with a .315 On Base % and mediocre power numbers for a first baseman make Daubach the worst of the bunch. (Tony Clark didn't quite reach 100 games played) 2B: Mike Benjamin 1998: An OPS of .682 wouldn't get many of the Sabermatricians calling Benjamin's name. 3B: John Valentin 1999: At one point Valentin was a fan favorite and then he hit .253 with an on base % of .315 and he was done as the Sox regular third baseman. SS: Mike Lansing 2001: In one of the many years Nomar got injured, Mike Lansing got the bulk of the pt to the tune of .250 batting average and 34 rbis in 352 at bats. (Pokey Reese didn't quite reach 100 games played) OF: Darren Lewis 1999: If you have a s...

Michael Strahan would like to wish Tom Brady his Patriot Teammates, all Bostonians and all of those residing in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts a Very Happy Patriots Day.

Over the past 11 seasons the New York Yankees have made the postseason every year, so one would imagine that their all crap team wouldn't be that bad. Well come to find out, they are. They are very bad. Especially the pitching staff. Lineup (min. 100+ Games) C: Joe Girardi 1997: .264 Batting Average with 1 HR over 398 at bats. 1B: Tony Clark 2004: .221 Batting Average with 92 strikeouts over 106 games and 253 at bats. 2B: Tony Womack 2005: .276 On Base % with 0 home runs over 329 at bats. 3B: Scott Brosius 2000: .230 average over 470 at bats. SS: Derek Jeter 1997: .291 Batting Average with only 10 home runs over 654 at bats. When DJ is your SS for over a decade it's tough to find a miserable season. OF: Chad Curtis 1998: .243 Batting Average with 80 strikeouts over 456 at bats. OF: Chuck Knoblauch 2001: .250 with 9 Home Runs over 137 miserably fielded games. Chuckies move to the OF was a bad one. OF: Rondell White 2002: .288 on base % with 86 strikeouts over 455 a...

Inspired by the misery that is Jason Giambi and Mike Mussina's start of the 2008 season I have decided to venture into the land of research and create and all crap decade team for each major league team. The All-Crap decade teams will consist of the worst regulars from the 1997-2007 seasons. The Qualifications I will use for regular is 100+ games played for any fielder, 18+ starts for any starter and 25 appearances for any reliever. So we shall be getting started shortly. AL East: New York Yankees , Boston Red Sox , Tampa Bay Devil Rays , Baltimore Orioles , Toronto Blue Jays AL Central: Cleveland Indians, Detroit Tigers, Kansas City Royals, Chicago White Sox, Minnesota Twins AL West: Seattle Mariners, LAA Angels, Texas Rangers, Oakland A's NL East: New York Mets, Atlanta Braves, Florida Marlins, Washington Nationals, Philadelphia Phillies NL Central: St. Louis Cardinals, Houston Astros, Chicago Cubs, Pittsburgh Pirates, Milwaukee Brewers, Cincinnati Reds NL West: San Die...

If you watched the Mets game last night or have seen Mike Pelfrey pitch at any point in time this season than you must certainly have noticed him playing with something in his mouth. Not gum nor chewing tobacco like normal baseball players. Rather Pelfrey chews and plays with a mouth guard throughout the game. I don't know if I've ever seen another pitcher wear a mouth guard before. Nevermind pitch with it out of their mouth like below. It just seems weird.

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track he's performance in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch. 3 Million a year for what? Celtics 106 Bulls 92: DNP Celtics 92 Pacers 77: DNP Celtics 101 Bobcats 78: 12 6 rebounds is practically a season high. Game Stats: 18 Minutes, 0-1, 1 Point, 6 Rebounds, 3 Assists Celtics 107 Bucks 104: -2 The Celtics were able to overcome Scals -2 for the win. Game Stats: 6 Minutes, 0-0, 0 Points, 1 Rebound, 1 Assist Celtics 95 Wizards 109: 0 Does 1 minute count as playing? Not really. Game Stats: 1 Minute, 0-0, 0 Point, 1 Rebound, 1 Assist Celtics 102 Bucks 86: -2 The Celtics played the Bucks two too many times over the final weeks. Scals got in but didn't exactly wow anybody. Game Stats: 7 Minutes, 0-1, 0 Points, 2 Rebounds, 0 Assists Celtics 99 Hawks 89: DNP Celtics 99 Knicks 93: 0 Doc celeb...

Is Manchester United Star Carlos Teves the Product of Baby Taz and the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Me Thinks So.

In America we cater to one main thing in sports, a champion. We want their to be a single champion for each of our major sports. We want that champion to fight through the regular season and into the postseason. We want that champion to go through the ringer and finish the season raising the trophy above their head as they defeat their final opponent. And this is where European Soccer tradition comes in stark conflict with American beliefs. Unlike in American sports the biggest trophy in English Soccer is not decided on a single game or a single series but rather the entire regular season. The very idea of the regular season alone without a postseason wouldn't fly in America. Can you imagine taking away the drama of the superbowl? Can you imagine how boring the 2007 NFL season would have been if we had simply handed the Patriots the title which they would have clinched when they went 14-0 or handed the Celtics the title a few weeks ago. It wouldn't work, but that is how...

Went with the Spurs vs. the Cs at the start of the season so I'll stick to the picks. I do plan on rooting against the Spurs in every game however.

I always enjoy a good multiple birthday celebration for Hispanic and or Japanese players. It's a time on honored tradition for people to lie about their age. And think about all the sacrifices Miguel Tejada had to go through when he initially lied and told the A's he was 17 and not 19. For one year Tejada could not go to Rated R movies by himself in certain states. For 2 additional years Miguel Tejada could not go to Bars and could not purchase alcohol for himself. That is a lot of sacrificing. Most people lie to get in the bar. Not Miguel, he lied to help keep alcohol away. Isn't that morally responsible? Shouldn't we congratulate Tejada for creating an ingenious approach to keep temptation away? Happy Birthday to You Miguel. And Happy Birthday again. I hope you got two nice cakes. Courtesy of AA

Am I heartless? Perhaps. But it's not as if Manny uses nor needs his brain. For once Farnsworth does something to be proud of, he unlike old man Moose actually got Manny out after this.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time. Videos In Order Courtesy of CO-ED Mag , Hardwood Paroxysm , Deadspin , FanIQ , Everybody, AA , Dave's Football Blog Eh, he needs acting lessons. Take 2 was much better. How about Manny getting thrown at? That's a good one. Woody Paige is not impressed. "The Mclovin' Fund" with Kristen Bell and Christopher Mintz-Plasse on FunnyOrDie.com Poor McLovin. He got cock blocked. Ooh Sean Wanted to get Fined. Tough Guy. He didn't even get ejected. That's great.