Wednesday, April 23, 2008
It's Pig Dinner Weekend again so at the request of my assbag fraternity brothers I've put together another rankings going into the weekend. It appears as if Fors will not be suiting up for the tournament but rather will be not 100% intoxicated and yelling at people over nothing. Regardless his absence opens it up for another team to actually win this year.
1. The Mighty Putz: Jamie Carlson (1999), Mike Dorval (2002), Ryan Fournier (2000), Dana Griffin (2000)
This team should probably be monitored the entire tournament as mass cheating is most likely committed. If you're under 5 foot 6 you can't be completely trustworthy. See Conidi for a reference...
2. Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear: Ron Wright (2002), Matt Siska (2002), Jeff Costa (2002), Bunz (2002)
I feel as if they post a good score each year, but never quite remember. So they shall be placed at the same spot as last year. 2.
3. The Immortal 4: Justin Billings (2005), Daniel "Cotton" Schwab (2005), Matt Simone (2005), Jimbo Loiselle (2005)
Fuck it. These are my god damn rankings and I'm putting lofty expectations on Cotton to actually show up this weekend and for myself to be not 100% drunk and useless. No expectations will be put on Bones.
4. Conor Casey Memorial Foursome: Karl Gebhardt (2004), Gary Pedro (2004), Brian Abcunas (2004), Brian Pitreau (2002)
Pitreau has a lot of cheating to make up for. I just don't foresee him lying and saying that he has won the long drive or that the squad is 4 under better than what they actually finished.
5. 3/4 Busch Light Brigade: Andrew Frascotti (2006), Jared Deck (2006), Jeff Perras (2006), John Tehrani (2006)
Mills is apparently too lazy to join the rest of his Busch Light Brigade and instead was replaced by Deck. What kind of excuse is running 26 miles anyway, and for Country Music in the miserable state of Tennessee. I expect a return to action next year.
6. Chipper 'n' Dales: Brent Shannon (2007), Ryan DeChristoforo (2006), Drew Forrest (2006), Misael Diaz (Undergrad)
I've heard the whole Misael was a golf pro rumor before and right now I'm playing it as 2/3s truth and 1/3 Barret story. So I'm skeptical.
7. Team Ramrod: Justin Wheeler (2003), Matt Clark (2003), Paul Elliott (2003), Shawn Walker (2004)
I can't imagine Wheeler contributing much to the squad but Clarky, Elliot and Walker should be able to keep the team in contention.
8. pig 'n putt: Jon Rich (2001), Paul O'Brien (2001), Jay Cardinal (2001), Curtis Britton (2002)
A lot of time it seems like the older guys are good at golf. After a few Pig Dinner tournaments I've come to realize that these guys are not. Not good at all.
9. Golf Any Style: Wes Salomon (2005), John Courtney (2005), Toby Maglione (2005), Eric Sands (2005)
The imagery of Wes Salomon swinging a golf once is enough to burn a person's retinas. Forcing yourself to watch Wes over the course of 18 holes good lead to perminant loss of vision.
10. Clubs and Shrubs: Brian McDonough (2007), Bryan Bussone (2007), Nate Birmingham (2006), Ryan Hollister (2007)
For some strange reason I get the sense that the height of their mental state may hinder their play over the back 9.
11. The Shanksville Duffs: Lou Frascotti (1979),Joe Frascotti (Undergrad), Joe Renaud (2007), Greg Pawlowski (Undergrad)
At least this year sweet lou doesn't have to worry about some stories which are completely false. He just has to worry about whether any of the young guys he's saddled with can hit a golf ball without it going into the woods.
12. The Whalers: Joe Leverone (Undergrad), Ryan Sebastian (Undergrad), Justin Thomas (Undergrad), Michael Pagonis (Undergrad)
They're undergrads so they probably suck. Not as much as Grutt but pretty bad.
13. The Fraternity of Mu Tau: Joseph Gruttadauria (2005), Anthony Smith (2005), Sean Mahoney (2005), Rick Adams (2005)
Last year I picked them last and they didn't finish last, despite zero birdies during 18 holes of play. So this year they get a one spot reprieve. Perhaps they can actually get one birdie. Or perhaps they will make up for last year and finish in last. We shall see.
14. Aaron Vanney Memorial Foursome: Chris Hamel (2004), Sean Coughlin (2004), Derek Ransom (2005), Wes Chapman V (2004)
I'm sorry Coughlin but I had to move you guys to last this year. The squad moved from 2 people high and 2 bad golfers to three people high and 1 bad golfer. Probably not a step in the right direction.... but atleast you don't have Grutt on your team.
The rest of the bunch of golfers that I probably know limited about.
Fat, Drunk & Stupid: Andy "Old Man" Williams (1992), Sean "Dog" Doherty (1992), Eddie Leono (1995), Add New Member
Burnt Stumps: Bill Musiak (1993), Dave Henry (1993), Sean Conley (1995), Jim Meystrik (1995)
Over? Nothing Is Over Until We Decide It Is......: Bill (The Tuna) Trask (2001), Wally (and that foot is me) Towner (1988), Add New Member, Add New Member
FIJI Masters: David Vogt (1977), Alex Vogt (1975), Jon Wyman (1975), Robert Ferrari (1974)
Legends of the Links: Matt Jeffers (1993), Bill Johnson (1993), Chris Ledoux (1993), Add New Member
Joe Faulk Sucks: Meat Igo (1999), Dusty Dyer (1999), Matt Roski (1999), Stick Gallimore (1999)
Team Donkey Punch: BG Chabot (1996),
Alan Assner (1996), Matt O'Brien (1997), Ted Manley (1997)
We Are Who You Thought We Were: John Lehane (1999), Tim Briggs (2000), Gregg Burnett (2000), Max Gomez (2000)
Four guys one cup: Mark Simon (1996), Mark Palmer (1998), Brian Zaleski (1996), Scott Theriault (1998)
Sons of Armand: Mike Spencer (2001), Dan Erickson (2001), Greg Halloran (2000), Mike Young (2001)
Other Predictions & Facts
The Team with the lamest name is Golf Any Style which came out of Wes Swallowman's only I think it's funny mind.
Pierce's bald dome covered by a hat will be highly missed. As will the missing of the drunk cheating Connor Casey of old, as the sober non hole marker destroyer version of Connor last year doesn't really count.
Tehrani will have the least hetero-sexual outfit. Which I'd imagine would include pink pants.
Bones will start saying things that don't make any sense by hole 4.
The ideal 4-some would certainly include the absent Ziggy.
The Jets will draft someone I hate (i.e. Vernon Gholston) and I will shank my shot immediately following.
I will not snap my driver in half this year.
Cotton will start giggling by the back 9.
Grutt will not win our Par 3 bet this year as I will not accept betting on the 100 foot par 3 with a green the size of the Indian Ocean.
Do Undergrads exist? All signs point to no.