A Day in the Life of Isiah

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


8:00 I show up to Madison Square Garden and someone's in my parking spot. Boo.

8:01 I drive to the next parking spot and see a sign that says "Parking for anyone Who Isn't Named Isiah Thomas". I am sad. Tears almost shed.

8:02 Every parking space seems to have the same sign. They also have pictures of my face with a big red circle around it and a dash through the center. I don't quite understand what that means.

8:05 I search for a parking space on the street no luck.

8:15 I finally find a parking space 5 blocks away. I get out of my car. And begin walking down the street.

8:20 Man attempts to throw his coffee at me. Says I ruined the Knicks. I attempt to tell him that the Knicks are well on their way to an NBA championship and that I will see them through. He tells me to go fuck myself. I attempt to explain to him that despite the fact that I am well hung it would be impossible. He calls me an ass and leaves.

8:28 I get to MSG, yay. Home sweet home.

8:30 Security Guard is not so nice to me. He hands me a memo from Jim and Donny. I read. "Hey Isiah, You suck. I wish we didn't have to pay you 18 million dollars. But alas we do. So instead of firing you we are going to set out to embarass you in the hopes that you quit and we don't have to pay you. The security guard will direct you to you're new 'office'" Well that was a bummer.

8:40 I get to my office. It seems to be awfully close to the furnace, and there seem to be rats running around. But there is a note on the wall. "In order to make your office more homey we've given you wired internet access." Hooray I love the Interwebs.

8:45 Yay Pledge of Allegience Time. I love America.

8:46 PA Man doesn't do the Pledge of Allegience, he instead does, Pledge to Hate Isiah.

I Pledge Allegience, to the Haters of Isiah Thomas and to the Knicks who he forever scarred, one hatred under God indivisible with Hatred and Vengeance for Us All."

8:47 Sad Face.

8:50 Ohh yay a phone call. It's Jim. Yay. "Hi Isiah, just to let you know we don't want you to talk to anybody. You have no title you have no employees and you shall not talk to the team."

"Can I look at internet porn?"

"Umm Sure"

Hooray I can look at internet porn.

8:55 - 9:30 Asian Internet Porn really needs more Yao Ming. I don't think he would fit in our cap.

9:30 - 10:30 Inter-racial & Gay porn cause I'm not a racist nor a sexist

10:30-11:00 I thought I would go check out what blogs had to say about me... They weren't very nice.

11:00 I'm bored, I think I'll call Stephon maybe we can get lunch.

11:01 The phone tells me I can't call outside numbers... I'll try again.

11:10 I tried 30 times and it still won't let me call anyone. Let me try my cell phone.

11:12 No cell phone reception, I guess that's what happens when you're in the basement. I'll go outside.

11:13 Hmm that's confusing, the door is locked. I guess I can wait a while I'm not that hungry.

11:15-11:30 Check out how my fantasy team did this year. Oooh, not so good. I guess I shouldn't have drafted Jamal Crawford in the 2nd round.

11:35 I try to leave again, the door is locked. I start knocking and a nice man responds to me. "Sorry Isiah you are not allowed out of your office during working hours. We will deliver food to you. What will you like to have?"

"I would like a sushi box with extra soy sauce." I like to eat healthy.

11:35-12:35 Hour nap. I need my beauty sleep.

12:40 I get my lunch. I don't think this is sushi. It looks like a 5 day old dead fish with some white rice. I think I will wait to eat.

12:45 The not so nice man opens my door and says that it's exercise time. He throws me a basketball. Yay Basketball. I'm good at basketball.

12:46 Sad face, the basketball is flat. And the hoop was made of cardboard. Not so nice man laughs at me and closes the door.

12:47-2:00 Boredom/looking at internet porn/searching for nude photos of Anucha

2:01-4:00 Not so nice man says it's video time. Shows me this video on loop...



4:00-5:00 Not so nice man says it's reading time. He says todays mail theme is Isiah death threats....

5:01 Those weren't very nice... Ok time to go home... Not so Nice man at the door tells me I can't leave until all Knick employees have left the building.

5:01-7:00 Stare at the wall crying.

7:01 Not so Nice Man tells me I can leave.

7:20 My car window is broken and someone took a dump on my steering wheel. That wasn't nice... Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Posted by Simon at 2:20 PM   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!

1 comments:

This almost makes me feel sorry for the guy...almost.

Mark said...
1:11 PM  

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