Giving Hope to White Kids Everywhere

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Somehow someway it has been accomplished. The dream basketball season. A season started with a few mishaps but leading to a most Epic Championship, thanks solely to one night.

The season started off on the wrong foot. In creating the lightest and least athletic fantasy team in the history of sports, mistakes were made, pre-rankings were botched and with the 1st pick in the first round the White Warriors selected Amare Stoudemire. He was neither White nor unathletic and after another botched pre-ranking effort which lead to the drafting of Quentin Richardson. I immediately looked for trade possibilities and within a few days traded Amare and Q for Pau Gasol and Kyle Korver. After the trade the roster looked like this:

1. (9) Amare Stoudemire PF,C 2. (11) Pau Gasol PF,C 2. (12) Mike Miller SG,SF, 3. (29) Manu Ginobili SG, 4. (32) Kirk Hinrich PG,SG, 5. (49) Mehmet Okur PF,C, 6. (52) Andrei Kirilenko SF,PF, 7. (69) Peja Stojakovic SG,SF, 8. (72) Andris Biedrins C, 9. (89) Chris Kaman C, 10. (92) Luke Walton SF, 11. (109) Luis Scola SF,PF,C, 12. (112) Quentin Richardson SG,SF, 11. (110) Kyle Korver SF, SG 13. (129) Nick Collison PF,C, 14. (132) Robert Swift C, 15. (149) Jason Williams PG

What you're probably thinking when you look at this roster is that they are completely horrible. That I was forced to draft Mike Miller before Chris Paul, Tim Duncan, Paul Pierce, Dwight Howard, etc. And you would be right, that team does look shitty, but there's no other option. After Nash and Nowitzki, who were both gone by my first pick, there is a major drop off. I was stuck picking between Hinrich, Manu and Miller in the 2nd round and ended up getting all three anyway. Throughout the season there were some roster shuffling, mostly to dump dead weight like Luke Walton, Robert Swift and Jason Williams but there were some key pickups. None bigger than the Spaniard Jose Calderon who helped solidify my assists.

Throughout the season I scratched and clawed victories away from my opponents losing points scored basically every week. In the end the Warriors won 17 of their 21 matchups during the regular season, many by 5-4 margins, and finished as the 2nd seed for the playoffs with a bye in the opening round. A week off to relax again go to Cabo with their pop star Russian wives that let them sleep around.

Then came the EPIC post season matchups. Down 5-4 going into the final night of play the White Warriors found themselves down and near dead. But not on Mike Miller's watch. Miller dropped 8 triples that evening and helped the Warriors overcome an 11 3-Pointer Made deficit to advance to the finals. The Warriors won the categories TO, FG%, FT%, 3PM, and REB while losing horribly in BLKs (38-26), Assists (245-122), Steals (77-29) and of course points (800-605).

Now onto the finals, the #1 and #2 seed. The team that had romped everyone during the season versus the team that just got by week to week. Once again going into the final night the White Warriors found themselves down 5-4 with only one category of hope remaining, a category you would never expect them to lose, Free Throw Percentage. Down nearly by nearly .020 percentage points the Warriors needed to step it up on the line. Even their opponent couldn't quite grasp who he wanted to win.

And on that fateful night where the Warriors shot .957 from the stripe, with a little help from opponent Ben Wallace, the Warriors catapulted over the number one seed with a FT% victory (.783-.776) and a championship win of 5-4. At the conclusion the White Warriors won Turnovers, Blocks, Rebounds, FT% and FG% while again getting hammered in the other categories especially points (909-769). But alas in Fantasy Basketball you don't need to score baskets to win. So perhaps when they invent a game where the object is no longer scoring than the White Basketball Player will again rise to the top of the league.

The below players shall be accepting their rings for a championship well earned:

Active Roster
Kirk Hinrich, SG Peja Stojakovic, G Manu Ginobili, SF Kyle Korver, PF Andrei Kirilenko, F Linas Kleiza, C Mehmet Okur, C Rasho Nesterovic, Mike Miller, Jose Calderon, Nick Collison, Andris Biedrins, Luis Scola, Sasha Vujacic, Pau Gasol

Seasonal Contributors
Luke Walton, Jason Williams, Robert Swift, Marco Bellinelli, Joel Pryzbilla, Chris Kaman, Vladimir Radmanovic, Wally Szczerbiak

Thank You And Good Night...

Posted by Simon at 10:15 AM   Digg! submit to reddit BallHype: hype it up!


This is an amazing blog post. I won my league with Baron Davis, Kobe Bryant, Josh Smith, Caron Butler, and Marcus Camby as my starting five, and, after reading this, I feel like I cheated. Biedrins, Hinrich, and Manu were periodic contributors, but nothing like this.

Anonymous said...
10:43 PM  

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