SimonOnSports

~I stand by my statements around how it did not feel like these were the two best teams in baseball. I mean Jamie Moyer is the #3 starter? He's 93 years old and throws softer than me. ~The biggest play Wednesday night to me was not the Iwamura play but rather Upton bouncing into an easy DP. That inning had potential and it single handedly sapped all energy out of the Rays. ~I found watching the 2nd half of game 5 weird. I'm used to having my eyes stapled at 1 am while watching the conclusion of games. ~Cole Hamels is a pitching beast, but he sounds like he could use a little more testosterone in the voice. ~Joe Madden's decisions in game 5 were questionable at best. I'm unsure why he was so adamant about having a lefty face Pat Burrell. Bunting a pitcher who faces one batter the next half inning and gives up a double does not look good. ~It would have been nice if Longoria showed up. Pena would have been nice as well. ~David Price will be an all star within 2 sea...

This is a week where we pick on all the miserable teams in the league... Except for the Lions of course. 5. Detroit Lions (+12 1/2) at Chicago Bears The Lions missed three straight covers last week by a .5 a point. They get back on the losing games but covering the spread trail this week. 4. Arizona Cardinals (-2 1/2) at St. Louis Rams Homecoming for Kurt in St. Louis means lots of tds for the offense. In addition SJax is questionable which means the Cards should cruise to a td victory. 3. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-8 1/2) at Kansas City Chiefs The Jets played 100% miserable after several arm punts by the gun slinger and yet they still won. Jeff Garcia and the Bucs need to bounce back this week after their poor showing against Dallas and they will win by double digits. 2. Jacksonville Jaguars (-7 1/2) at Cincinnati Bengals The Jaguars are still a good team right? I mean they have the same running backs the same line and the same Q, why aren't they dominating on the ground again? ...

Episode 2 of Arm Punt Formations starring the "Gunslinger" Check out more Episodes of Arm Punt Formations

The question for the day to ponder is whether or not college football coaches have a responsibility for improving their community or whether or not their simple object should be to win football games at all costs. In my personal opinion the a college coach is hired to do one thing, win football games. That's his job. Winning football games does two major things for a university. First the more a university ends up on television the more free marketing it receives. So if you look at a state University like UConn and its history of demand from out of state students it significantly ballooned after their basketball team became a national powerhouse. Now multiply the Final 4 hype by 3 because that's how much better ratings college football garners throughout the year. Next a winning college football program significantly boosts student moral. If you have a top notch football program in the South that is contending for national titles your student body will simply be happier....

There are lots of new faces around the NBA, so here's a quick rundown on how they did during their debuts. Winners Mark D'Antoni made a nice debut with the Knicks in leading the squad to victory over the Heat . The biggest story however has to be his benching of both Curry and Marbury sending messages to both that he will not tolerate lack of team play and lack of hustle. If you're a Knicks fan last night has to get you pumped. Jermaine O'Neal made his debut in the Raptors victory over the 76ers after forming exactly the type of twin towers the franchise was hoping for. In 34 minutes he scored 17 points and pulled down 8 boards and dished out 4 assists complimenting Chris Bosh perfectly. Derrick Rose got his pass on during the Bulls opening night victory over the Bucks . In 32 minutes Rose dropped 9 dimes and added 11 points with most coming from the stripe. Crazy Ron made a solid debut in the Rockets drubbing of the Grizzlies . He had 16 points and 3 steals in 40 m...

This week is a week of two games. The battle for the large cocktails and the battle for Texas Supremacy. O 5. Miami Hurricanes at Virginia Cavaliers The Hurricanes certainly are not back to their glory days, but they still somehow have a chance with the ACC clusterfuck at the top of their division. Step 1 is defeating the resurgent Al Grohs in Grohland. The Pick: Grohs by 3 4. West Virginia Mountaineers at UConn Huskies For all the haterade dumped on Bill Stewart for his 2 losses during the opening month of the season, he still is currently 2-0 in the Big East with a very good chance of making another trip to a BCS game. Mostly because Noel Devine is an animal not because he's a good coach. This week a trip up to Hartford to knock UConn out of the rankings which they do not deserve to be. The Pick: Mountaineers by 13 3. Florida State Seminoles at Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets So Florida St. really jumped up those rankings this week after knocking out both of VaTech's QBs. Th...

The 2008 season is underway and as expected Scals remained with his ass cemented to the bench. I think this will be the absolute recurring theme this year and will lead to a lot of very easy weekly updates with 3 letters prevalent everywhere: DNP. I set the Over/Under for Scals games played at 41 and I took the under. If you look at the Celtics roster right now, when is he actually going to get in? Just blow outs or if KG/Perk have serious injuries, I'd imagine. I mean everyone knows that he doesn't exactly provide anything while on the court and chances are good that O'Bryant is in front of Scals on the Big Man Depth Chart. In reality the more likely question is how often Scals will be wearing the uniform in comparison to the the jeans and sports jacket. Last night Scals made the 12 man roster and was rockin the warm ups (sans uni of course) at the expense of Player/Coach/Alien Sam Cassell and the rooks JR Giddens and Bill Walker. Cassell is eventually going to demand...

So what if they mean it the other way around, when you buy a limited edition Mark D'Antoni/Donnie Walsh T-shirt for $20.08 you get free tickets to November 5th Knicks Game vs. the Bobcats. You also get a Hot Dog a Soda and a Free Bag of chips. This could truly turn into a bargain if Larry Brown and Stephon Marbury get into a fist fight on the court. But... I still think I'm out.

June Jones took over the Hawaiian Football program in 1999. In 9 years with the program he coached the Rainbow Warriors (he axed the Rainbow) to their best success in their history. He went 75-41, had only two losing seasons, won the WAC twice and won 4 bowl games. He was easily becoming a Hawaiian legend despite also garnering the highest public salary in the state. On January 1st his undefeated Warriors met up with Georgia, the hottest team in the nation, in the Sugar Bowl. Unfortunately for June the perfect Hawaiian season was brutally beaten into the ground with every thud of Colt Brennan's helmet to the turf. On January 7th June Jones was introduced as the next coach of Southern Methodist University. He had left the islands for the money (and to abandon a potential sinking ship now sans Colt Brennan). This job provided one major perk, 2 million dollars annually. SMU was once a proud football program, but not during my lifetime. In fact the last time they made a bowl ...

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees. The Game: Wisconsin Badgers vs. Michigan St. Spartans It was nearly impossible to find a game to use for the Degrees this week with many teams only losing to undefeated teams or the chains ending in undefeated teams. For instance BYU -> TCU -> Oklahoma -> Texas. Or USC facing winless Washington. So I endeded up choosing Michigan St. vs. Wisconsin because the Spartans are ranked again and the Badgers are still in the bottom half of the Big Ten. Plus, I want D'Antonio to get a beatdown after ...

Getting That All Important Left Ankle Taped High Fives and Chest Bumps The First of Many Opening Tip Offs Wow That Kobe Sure Can Pass Mano a Mano With Bynum, the Rivalry Has Just Begun Oh Fuck God Damn Right Ankle Crutches Blow

Episode 1 of Arm Punt Formations Starring the 'Gunslinger' Check out more Episodes of Arm Punt Formations

Again simple over/unders just like the MLB competition . The winner gets again, mouth love from Swallowman. 1. The Celtics will win 60 games. (Over/Under) 2. Rasheed Wallace will have 12 Technicals this season. (Over/Under) 3. 4 White Guys will make the NBA All Star Teams. (Over/Under) 4. The Knicks will win 30 Games. (Over/Under) 5. Dwight Howard will average 3 Dunks a Game. (Over/Under) 6. Yao Ming will play 60 games this season. (Over/Under) 7. Greg Oden will average 14 points per game. (Over/Under) 8. Derrick Rose will average 8 assists per game. (Over/Under) 9. Jason Kidd will shoot 40% from the field. (Over/Under) 10. Big Cock Gallinari will average 9 points per game. (Over/Under) 11. Brian Scalabrine will play 41 games this season. (Over/Under) Again my picks in the comments.

The NBA Season has arrived so here is the biased and contradictory predictions. NBA East 1. Boston Celtics, Atlantic Champs - The Celtics will take some time to figure out how to replace Posey on the defensive end and for clutch threes but they should be even more gelled as a unit than they were last year. Hopefully Bill Walker jumps into Posey's role a bit while not starting brawls. The Cs should have the best record in the East and approach 60 wins. 2. Detroit Pistons, Central Champs - The Pistons said they were going to shake things up in the offseason and well they didn't. Which means they will once again be 2nd best in the East. 3. Cleveland Cavs - LBJ got some toys to play with in the offseason. Should make the Cavs slightly better but not much. They should approach 50 wins because LBJ is King. 4. Orlando Magic, Southeast Champs - The Magic were a surprise last year and should hold onto the Southeast crown because very other team is terrible. 5. Philadelphia 76ers - ...

Eastern Conference W L PCT 1 Boston 57 25 0.695122 2 Detroit 55 27 0.6707317 3 Cleveland 50 32 0.6097561 4 Orlando 44 38 0.5365854 5 Philadelphia 44 38 0.5365854 6 Toronto 41 41 0.5 7 Miami 38 44 0.4634146 8 Atlanta 36 46 0.4390244 Washington 36 46 0.4390244 New Jersey 34 48 0.4146341 Chicago 33 49 0.402439 New York 30 52 0.3658537 Charlotte 30 52 0.3658537 Milwaukee 30 52 0.3658537 Indiana 20 62 0.2439024 Western Conference W L PCT 1 LA Lakers 59 23 0.7195122 2 Houston 58 24 0.7073171 3 New Orleans 56 26 0.6829268 4 Utah 56 26 0.6829268 5 San Antonio ...

Wow You Guys Suck: Bungles & Lions, Collectively 0-15 and unfortunately not lined up to play against each other. Who wants to go winless more? Runners Up: JT O'Sullivan likes to throw the ball to the other team, Fred Taylor who is useless this season. This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Brett Favre, Throw the ball to the people wearing Green jerseys. They are the ones that are on your team. Runners Up: James Harrison for volunteering to long snap for the Steelers, Brett Favre again cause he was doubly stupid. Cough Cough Cough: Tampa Bay Bucs, You've got the ball in the red zone on your final drive, you need to get it done. The Bucs just fell short and instead of leading the division they are a game behind the Panthers. Runners Up: Arizona way to get pounded in the 2nd half, the Jags apparently don't really want to make the playoffs. The Shocker: The Chargers and Colts Standings, Coming into the season everyone thought the Chargers and Colts would remain among the elit...

I lost my suicide pool in week 2 because the F'n Seahawks lost at home to the 49ers. Well it pisses me off that A) They beat the shit out of them this weekend . and B) Since that point in time I have not gotten a single pick wrong on the Eliminator Challenge on ESPN . Go Screw Seattle.

I created another Fantasy Hoops League that will draft this sunday in which I will once again draft the 2008 version of the White Warriors. If you care to join then here are the settings. Yahoo League ID#: 135671, Password: password. Or just follow this link .

Can we get some damn excitement for once in a World Series? Please just one F'n time. The last good World Series was 2002 when the Angels pulled off a 7th game win against Barroid. Since then we've been subjected to the Anti-Climactic World Series of 2003 where the drama was all in the ALCS and NLCS, 3 sweeps and an 82 win Cardinal team taking home the crown. It's been boring. And this World Series thus far has been no different. Game 1 was brutally ugly with nobody getting any clutch hits. Game 2 started with an error by the Phils and some bad calls by the umps and more Phillies pathetic hitting. Game 3 started after 10 on a Saturday with little to no one watching. And Game 4 turned into a beatdown where even Joe Blanton hit home runs. The only exciting drama came in Game 3 at quarter to 2 in the morning. That's the perfect time for great baseball. All in all I think the problem with the World Series is that at no point in time does it really feel like th...

Remember this is all about Quality Wins and Bad Losses so if you lose to a top ranked team its not going to kill you, if you lose to Arkansas St. in the opener it will haunt you the entire season. And the undefeateds now sit at 4 with PSU, Bama, TT and UT all getting it done. This time next week there shall be 1 less. 1. Texas - No bones about it, Texas is the #1 team in the country right now. One thing you did learn is that Oklahoma St. is for real. They had the ball with a chance to win in the 4th and through dumb play calling couldn't get it done. Quality Wins: Oklahoma(n), Mizzou, Oklahoma St. 2. Alabama - Nick Saban busted out the beat down stick on Fulmer's Belly. Quality Wins: @Georgia 3. Penn St. - The Old man won the big one. Now its avoiding a horrible loss and hoping for a Saban meltdown. Quality Wins: Illinois, Oregon St., @Ohio St. 4. Georgia - So all eyes on the Cocktail party this weekend don't you think? Quality Wins: South Carolina, Vandy, @LSU 5....

DOOOOHHH!!!! Wanny Proving 1 Game At A Time That He Can Lose to Anybody TY DEPRESSIONHAM Someone is in need of a Mercy Kill Tip Drills Usually It's Not a Good Idea to Throw into Triple Coverage, But Usually isn't Sam Bradford The Face of Fear You Would Think With That Face He has a Role Locked Up in Saw VI Giving the Stink Palm No Doubt Saban Just Whiped His Ass and Didn't Wash His Hands The Hurdler Nothing is More Comfortable than the Gliding of the Cheeks over a LB's Helmet Pryor Failure Look On the Bright Side, You Aren't in Ann Arbor Patent Leather Lebron Perhaps He Should Have Taken Over at QB 2-6 Showers Where Beating the Worst Wolverine Team Ever is Somehow Worthy of This Superman Dives Saving All Groh's Job 1 Leap at a Time Smell My Fingers They Smell Like Bleeding Anus

Did Joe Pa forget to go to the bathroom or does he just wear Depend Diapers?

At first I said "A Kid named Zamboni ? Well that's just F'n stupid." But Looking below, he really does complete the family.

Where picking the Lions with the points continues to happen for no apparent reason. 5. Detroit Lions (+7 1/2) vs. Washington Redskins Should the Redskins absolutely destroy the Lions? Yes. Will they? Probably. But the Lions are on a 2 straight cover streak for me behind Dan Orlovsky and I'm sticking with them. 4. New Orleans Saints (+3 1/2) vs. San Diego Chargers in London I think this is a toss up game with both teams still not being healthy at all. I'm taking the Saints simply thanks to the 3 1/2 points. 3. Arizona Cardinals (+4 1/2) at Carolina Panthers I know the Panthers absolutely beat the crap out of New Orleans last weekend but I think fresh off the bye week the Cardinals offense is going to be firing on all cylinders. Do I think the Cardinals will win? Well yes I do. But I certainly won't throw away those 4 1/2 points I get either. 2. Oakland Raiders (+6 1/2) at Baltimore Ravens Flacco has not played well in recent weeks, the Ravens offense still isn'...