Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Howie Mandel: Hello Bill, welcome to Deal or No Deal.
Bill Smith (Twins GM): Hello Howie, I'm here to win myself some big time prospects.
Howie Mandel: Well Bill I just want to inform you that because of the 8 billion dollar contract we are going to have to elminate the million dollar case.
Bill Smith: Well that's some big time bullshit.
Howie Mandel: I'm sorry but those are the cases you were dealt. Ha cases get it? I guess not. Additionally we are not letting you choose you're initial case, you will get the case which has a year of Santana and two first round Sandwich picks.
Bill Smith: Such nonsense.
Howie Mandel: Eh shutup, you work for the Twins. Now, onto the Start please pick 5 cases.
Bill Smith: I choose 24, 23, 22 and 21 and 20.
Howie Mandel: How original of you. Oooh you knocked off a bunch of cases in the middle. Your current offer is Jacoby Ellsbury, Jed Lowrie and Justin Masterson from the Red Sox.
Bill Smith: That's it? Come on where is Jon Lester or Clay Bucholz?
Howie Mandel: Not there. Do you want to pull down more cases or are you going to accept the deal?
Bill Smith: No chance, let's go again. NO DEAL. I choose cases 19, 18, and 17..
Howie Mandel: You are friggin boring. Well the banker says you are about the same level. This time your deal is with the Yankees and includes Phil Hughes, Melky Cabrera and one of their minor league prospects. What will you decide?
Bill Smith: Do I look like a moron? NO DEAL. Give me cases 16, 15, and 14.
Howie Mandel: The deal has gone slightly up. The Mets are offering you every single farmhand they have.
Bill Smith: I want Reyes, screw them. NO DEAL. Give me cases 13, 12 and 11.
Howie Mandel: The Yankees deal is back on the table but you have to decide by tomorrow.
Bill Smith: F that I want Kennedy and Hughes. They will come back to me. NO DEAL. I'll take cases 9, 8 and 7.
Howie Mandel: Ouch it looks like the Red Sox have removed Ellsbury from the trade and only will give you Coco Crisp along some other prospects.
Bill Smith: Haha, you're funny Howie. I don't want no Coco, I'm a coffee guy. NO DEAL. Give me cases 6, 5, and 4.
Howie Mandel: Sorry Bill but the banker doesn't even want to give you a deal right now cause you're being such a douche. So pick another case.
Bill Smith: Uh Ok. No Deal I guess. I'll take case #3.
Howie Mandel: Ok Bill you have two cases remaining along with the one in your possession. The Yankees are offering you a deal with Ian Kennedy as its centerpiece. What will you do?
Bill Smith: No I said I want Reyes or Hughes. NO DEAL. Give me case 2 that'll bring the deal back up to where it should be.
Howie Mandel: Alright Bill you're down to the case you have in your hands. 2 sandwich picks and a year of Santana or your final offer from the banker.... A deal with the Mets including Phil Humber and Carlos Gomez?
Bill Smith: Umm, Umm, Umm....
Howie Mandel: Make a god damn decision so I can bag one of these models already.
Bill Smith: I'll take the Mets deal.
Howie Mandel: Fuckin Dumb Ass. Well that's it for Deal or No Deal. Next Week we'll have the Baltimore Orioles in and their dealings of Eric Bedard.