Boys and girls, well pretty much just boys except for those girls that come squirt when the squat or lean over the urinal or... nevermind, anyway boys around the world we have now found the new best urinal in the world and it's all thanks to Kansas St. forward Bill Walker.

In last nights game with time running down on the clock and needing to be in the game for Kansas St.'s final play in regulation, valiant Bill had no time to make it to the urinal. Instead he gathered a few Gatorade logo'd towels and gave them the refurbished Gatorade in urine form. Next valiant Bill jumped on the court dunked an alley-oop over three people and Kansas St. won the game. How's that for relief?

I made that last line up, Kansas St. lost and valiant Bill is only a hero to, well me, people that enjoy urinating on things. Friggin towels in the middle of a pack crowd? I would have never thought of that shit, that shows balls, just below elephantitis sized bowls. He isn't even showing the urine on his white shorts, which just shows what kind of skill and precision Bill has with his urine.

Here's to you Bill Walker arguably the most skilled pisser in college basketball history and most certainly a Grade A Sports Guy.

Courtesy of Deadspin

5. California Los Angeles Bruins at Southern California Trojans
Honestly I don't care about this game at all and nor do I truly think it's going to be very competitive but if USC wins then they win the Pac 10. If UCLA wins some friggin way they can win the Pac 10 despite losing to Notre Dame this season. Just pathetic. The Pick: USC should romp its way to Pasadena.

4. Pittsburgh Panthers at West Virginia Mountaineers
This is just here because if the Mountaineers win then they will be playing in New Orleans in a little over a month. In reality the chances of them losing to the Wanny boys is closer to none than slim. But I guess we can just hold out hope that it's competitive and convince ourselves that anything can happen in 2007. The Pick: Wanny inches closer to getting canned.

3. Boston College Eagles vs. Virginia Tech Hokies
If the Hokies didn't choke at the end of their previous matchup than it could be them who was waiting to punch their ticket to New Orleans. Instead, a win and they get to go to the Orange Bowl, which I think is being played at Pro Player, which doesn't really have many oranges in the stadium. Either way it should be better than the crappy GaTech Wake Forest matchup from last year. The Pick: Tech lines up a trip to Miami which means bad things usually.

2. Louisiana State Tigers vs. Tennessee Volunteers
Les can talk to Michigan on monday so he probably has that on his mind, well if he has one. If he didn't get his team prepared well, a strong possibility, then a loss could mean a matchup with Michigan woo. However, if he did get his team prepared well then they will probably demolish UT. The Pick: I'll take the middle ground and say LSU wins by 6.

1.Missouri Tigers at Oklahoma Sooner
Could have been winner books a ticket to the National title game, but Sam Bradford had to go and get knocked the fuck out against Texas Tech resulting in a Sooners loss. Now the Sooners are just acting as Spoilers, unless you call playing Arizona St. in the Fiesta Bowl a grand prize. The Pick: Oklahoma sends the Buckeyes to the Superdome because nothing I want ends up happening.

One Mediocre week means a good week? Eh probably not.

5. Dallas Cowboys (-6 1/2) vs. Green Bay Packers
This game is a complete lock, there is no way the Cowboys are going to cough up a 17 point lead after they knock out Favre in the 2nd quarter. No way. Although you will be surprised with how Aaron Rodgers plays. But still run to the bank and put your entire account on the Cowboys, that's how positive I am with this pick. Biggest lock of the year, maybe even decade. I feel like Biff when he had the Sports Book.

4. San Diego Chargers (-4 1/2) at Kansas City Chiefs
Now that I've gotten that big time lock at of the way let me tie the noose around my neck and stand on a three legged stool by betting on the Chargers.

3. New York Jets (+1 1/2) at Miami Dolphins
Please lord please tell me that the New York Jets with an additional 3 days off are not a worse team than the winless Dolphins. Please? Although if they lose they would be one step away from Dorsey. And that wouldn't be bad.

2. Denver Broncos (-3 1/2) at Oakland Raiders
Perhaps someone gave the Broncos the heimlich after their debacle in Chicago last week and they will be back to return the Raiders to their normal AFC West losing ways.

1. New England Patriots(-20 1/2) at Baltimore Ravens
One week off from covering the spread, the Patriots should be back to their normal killings when they face the offensively challenged Ravens.

Survivor League Pick: Death to Norv Chargers

Ya I'm tossing the Cojones out there and am picking the Rams to win this week. Granted I selected this before I knew Marc Bulger no longer had a functioning brain, but whatever I'm keeping it out there.

Non-Spread Picks

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

100% IR, With Leather, PeoplePosts, Fanhouse, Barstool Sports, Deadspin, AA, Who Ate All the Pies, Deadspin again, 100% IR again


To Infinity and the Demolition via Oversized Soda Cans.

There was just so much suck going around this week on the actual football field that I think I'm going to do my first all actual Gameplay Weekly Waste. 1. Eli Manning - 17-21. That wasn't the final score sunday at Giants stadium, but that was Eli Manning's final score. He led his offense to 17 total points, and scored three touchdowns for the Minnesota Vikings. He might want to check his vision, he might be color blind as Dark Purple is close to Dark Blue and he seems to have a big problem with this every time they play the Vikings. 2. Herman Edwards - Herm is always good for some solid quotes and a good motivational speach but when it comes to clock management and coaching down the stretch of a game just about nobody in the game is worse. if you don't have confidence in your kicker to boot home a 40 yard field goal when you are down 3, then why is he on your roster? Why did you guys trade Tynes in the offseason? Next time maybe you should play to not lose the game. 3. Todd Sauerbrun - Yep you were going to kick it to Devin Hester. That a very intelligent idea. But you did have a chance to stop him on both kick returns. Especially the one wear you slipped fell on your back and you couldn't see it but he jumped over you. You were like a little hurdle in an Equestrian show and Devin Hester was the gold medal horse. Perhaps next time you should kick the ball out of bounds. 4. New York Knicks - Way to open up your mouth Q and challenge the best team in the NBA as says the current standings. You were right that the 'Big 3' have yet to win any titles, very observant of you. What you forgot is that by making a dumb ass quote like that you would give them that much more motivation to lay the hammer down on you. You're just lucky that Nate Robinson can hit flying buzzer beating half court shots so that you didn't set an all time New York Knick ineptitude record. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Milana Dravnel

Opinion Polls & Market Research

~I'm not a really a fan of the NFL on thursday night. I'm just not. It's not even the fact that I don't get the NFL network, or the fact that I have class tonight til 9 and won't get home til around 10ish, or the fact that you have to make your picks on thursday now, I just really like NFL football on Sunday afternoon and a lot less every other time. On monday and sunday night I typically only sporadically watch the games, monday probably cause the games are always shit, but Sunday cause I'm typically footballed out for the weekend. As for Thursday night, it just doesn't feel right, I'm not really in the mood to watch the biggest NFC matchup of the season on a thursday after work. Well even if I could. Even last week while I typically enjoy the Thanksgiving games a lot I didn't like the Jets playing then because it just felt weird. The beating didn't help but still before kick off it just seemed odd.

~Anywho I'm taking the Cowboys to cover the 7 point spread. I'll get the rest of the picks out manana.

~I haven't gotten into the whole Sean Taylor thing because I have a limited amount to say about it. Normal people A) Don't have Machetes under their bed B) Have someone break into their house to simply leave a knife on the bed and C) Get shot and killed in their bedroom although I can't imagine the person was attempting to kill him if the aimed for the leg/groin. Either way its sad, it certainly sucks for all in the NFL but something in his life spurred this whether it was his fault or not. I highly doubt it was random.

~Adding this to the many run ins with the law and the fact that they suck now why would anyone want to go to the U.

~Delmon Young+ for Matt Garza+ reported yesterday just seems like a solid move for the Twins and a risky move for the Devil Rays. I understand Delmon is a complete nut and swings at just about everything but he still has big time talent and is younger than me. I think the Twins made a solid move here and should truly think about trading both Johan and Nathan and go with an all youth team + Justin and Joe in the middle of the lineup.

~My post at EC today was about Joe Nathan and 'his' desire to get traded.

~The Big 10 ACC challenge is a joke and Michigan appears to suck yet again this year. I'm probably only a few losses away from a giving up on the wolverines NCAA tournament chances post.

~Kirk Hinrich sucks balls this season, every single one of his stats is worse than every single year in his career. Ouch.

~Canadians are very very very weird.

The Dolphins are 0-11, have the leagues worst offense, are coming off a brutally boring loss to Pittsburgh and have 3 less days to prepare for the game than the Jets, and yet are favored by atleast a point everywhere. You're playing a fucking team that hasn't one a single game this entire season and is only 5 weeks away from having the worst record in the history of professional football and the line is on you losing. Seriously, shoot me now.

Well than how about installing the Shower Boob to hold both your Soap and Shampoo needs. Some how I stumbled upon this by simply google image searching Shower. Very Odd.

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Tennessee Volunteers vs. Louisiana State Tigers

The SEC Championship game that no one really wanted. The Volunteers who have been winning by the narrowest margins after starting off the season getting pummeled twice were able to hold off the charging Bulldogs. Meanwhile LSU, stumbled last week and almost inconceivably is in danger of missing out on the BCS in a season where at many points they were thought to be the clear best team in the country. This final regular season Degrees is inspired by the fact I would like Michigan to play LSU in the Cap One Bowl and the fact that the Degrees is 4-3 and one of its losses was the LSU win over Ole Miss.

2º of Loss Separation : Tennessee beat Kentucky beat LSU

The simplest degrees possible (well except if I picked a team that already beat a team) the Volunteers went into Lexington last week and managed to close out the Wildcats in triple overtime. In the exact opposite scenario LSU was closed out by Kentucky in Lexington during the 3rd overtime.

Final Outcome: Tennessee 47 LSU 44

Both of the outcomes went to triple OT so obviously the scores of the two games were both close and high scoring so the resultant outcome of the degrees is both. I doubt the Vols are more than 3 points better than LSU this weekend but after LSU's defense has looked susceptable in recent weeks this upset is certainly a possibility.

This would be the least of all upsets for the Degrees this season, but its Bowl Championship week so I was going to pick one of those games anyway.

Feeling Tired at the gym or during a lengthy bike ride? Do you need something to get you over that last hump, finish that last set or bike that last few miles. Well if so there's one product for you, the Jelly Bean, the enhanced version of course. Unlike normal Jelly Beans these are jam packed with electrolytes, vitamins, carbs and caffeine to keep your engine pumping during the most heated moments of the action. So why not accelerate near the finish line, have some Sport Beans.

Do you like that pitch? Not bad if I say so myself, just came up with it. Guess that marketing class is wearing off on me a bit. Ok now onto normal Simon, who in the world is going to chew on some Jelly Beans instead of drinking a god damn Gatorade or Propel or some form of liquid? Is this not one of the dumbest products out there? I know, on the rare occasion, that I do eat Jellybeans that they tend to stick to your damn teeth. So who exactly is going to pop some jellybeans in their mouth when they're riding a bike or running a marathon. The time it takes to chew and swallow is much more time consuming and tedious than just swallowing a liquid. Plus after eating the damn things you're probably going to want some water to go with them. Sometimes your product just has no place in the market, and an energy jelly bean is one of these times.

The Quick Photoshop version of Houston Nutt's 24 hours.

Monday Night Fired...



Tuesday Night Hired...

Much has been made since the Carr resignation of Carr's supposed dislike of Les and the possibility of him being the one man who gets in the way of Les taking over the Michigan program. Well after LSU's stunning upset loss versus Arkansas last weekend a matchup between the two programs is a possibility, all that would need to happen are a few balls to fall the right way.

First off LSU needs to lose to Tennessee this weekend. If LSU wins they play in the Sugar Bowl and put the kibosh on the whole thing. If LSU loses than Tennessee would play in the Sugar Bowl and almost certainly Gerogia would be selected as the SEC's additional BCS representative leaving LSU outside of the BCS.

Then it comes down to the Capital One Officials making the most intriguing matchup. The Capital One Bowl gets the first selection of all SEC and Big 10 teams after the BCS games are selected. It generally assumes that they take the #2 team from each conference which LSU would qualify as and Michigan technically would as well as they finished tied with the Illini. In reality the Capital One Bowl can just select whomever they choose out of the conference, and with all the intrigue around the country surrounding Les Miles and his possible move to the Wolverines and all the gossip on the lack of friendship between Carr and Miles how could they pass up the chance at putting these two teams on the field. The matchup would certainly be more intriguing than some of the crappy BCS games that could occur.

So for one day in my life, hopefully the last, I will be rooting for the lame Volunteers wearing pastel orange so that on New Years Day I have something fun to watch.

A win by Oklahoma and a win by West Virginia this weekend could very well create an utterly boring set of BCS bowl games. If you look at ESPN's bowl projections, they predict a lot of games I have limited interest in watching.

BCS Title Game: West Virginia vs. Ohio St.

As an avid hater of Ohio St., the last thing I want to see is the Buckeyes play for the title game. Who knows maybe this game would be a close battle, but it certainly wouldn't be the exciting shootout that Mizzou WVU would turn into. As neither has a spectacular defense and both have high flying offenses.

Fiesta Bowl: Arizona St. vs. Oklahoma

People project Arizona St. in the Fiesta Bowl probably so that the Fiesta Bowl can fill the seats easily. But Arizona St. hasn't beaten any terrific teams this year and they just got pounded at home against the Trojans. Does anybody really want to see this game?

Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech vs. Georgia
Assumes: Tech knocks off BC

This would probably be the most entertaining of the BCS games. Both have solid defenses and decent but not spectacular offenses. Both teams should travel relatively well to the Orange Bowl and creat a good environment. I would be interested to watch this.

Sugar Bowl: LSU vs. Hawaii
Assumes: LSU knocks off Tennessee

Hawaii could be a good matchup for some teams, especially those with lacking defenses (aka WVU or Mizzou or Kansas), but lining them up in New Orleans against an LSU team who shouldn't be healthy again after a month off and all signals point towards disaster.

Rose Bowl: USC vs. Illinois
Assumes: USC beats off UCLA

The Zookers were a great story this year, and were great to the country when they knocked off Ohio St., but they would have absolutely no shot in the world against USC in the Rose Bowl. It would be a colossal waste of time.

Other Possibilities
The Rose Bowl could be USC Georgia and the Sugar Kansas VaTech which would just switch around which game was worth a watch. Personally I don't see how the bowls would choose Kansas to play in the BCS over Missouri considering they did beat the Jayhawks and the only reason they would have another loss is because they were forced to play Oklahoma twice. But that's just my logic. One way or another if Oklahoma wins this weekend, most likely there's only going to be one BCS game I'm going to want to watch.

If you are a resident anywhere near New York City then you are accustomed to hearing the Eli Manning is a bum talk. After this weeks single handed loss to the Vikings, if you listened to the talk radio stations you just might think it was the end of the world. Hell you would certainly think he was one of the worst #1 draft picks in the history of the NFL. But when you actually take a solid look at the history of Quarterbacks drafted with the top overall pick, Eli once again slides right into the upper middle of the pack.

Here is my rankings or groupings of the NFL quarterbacks taken with the overall top selection. The majority of what is taken to account is their efforts with the team that drafted them and only slightly more on the entirety of their career.

MEGA BUSTS

1954: Bobby Garrett, Cleveland - Never played a down for the Browns as quoting from Wikipedia "The Browns had needed someone to take over for the veteran Otto Graham, but they soon discovered that Garrett had a liability as a quarterback: he stuttered, which made calling plays difficult." He lasted one season with the Packers.

1959: Randy Duncan, Green Bay - Decided against playing for the Packers and went instead to the CFL in British Columbia before moving to the Dallas Texans of the AFL after two season.

1944: Angelo Bertelli, Boston Yanks - Left for the Marines and wound up playing in the AAFC and not the NFL.

1956: Gary Glick, Pittsburgh - Glick was immediately converted to a Dback where he lasted for 4 seasons with the Steelers.

PLAIN OLD BUSTS

1958: King Hill, Chicago Cardinals - Was the starting quarterback for the Cardinals for only one of the three seasons he played with the team before being traded to the Eagles.

1955: George Shaw, Baltimore - Broke his leg his rookie season and was replaced by fellow rookie Johnny Unitas. Shaw was then traded to the Giants where he sporadically played.

1946: Frank Dancewicz, Boston Yanks - Only Lasted 3 seasons in the NFL. Finished his career with 12 tds and 29 ints.

1999: Tim Couch, Cleveland - Spent 5 poor seasons with the Browns until he finally lost his job to Kelly Holcomb and has since not stuck on a roster for an entire season.

2002: David Carr, Houston - Spent 5 seasons as the Texans QB never leading them to a .500 or better record. Some of which was blamed on the poor offensive line but subsequent play with the Panthers this season leads most to believe he just sucks.

SUCKED WITH THE DRAFT TEAM

1987: Vinny Testaverde, Tampa Bay - In 6 years with the Bucs Testaverde never threw more touchdowns than interceptions, during which the Bucs never one more than six games. Is still kicking as the oldest QB in pro football, but his only smell of the Superbowl was denied when his Jets lost to the Elway led Broncos.

1990: Jeff George, Indianapolis - After receiving the richest rookie contract of his time George had 4 mediocre years in Indianapolis with one winning season amongst them. George then wore out his welcome, as he typically does, and was traded to the Falcons. George continues to want to play in the NFL however due to the fact that everyone generally considers him a cocky douche and old, no one signs him.

WON TITLES ELSEWHERE

1971: Jim Plunkett, Boston - Plunkett came into the NFL with a bang having his best season for the Pats his rookie year. His numbers then faltered until he was traded to the 49ers in 1975. Plunkett eventually took over the starting job at Oakland and proceeded to win two Superbowls with the team.

1952: Billy Wade, LA Rams - Made two pro bowls during his career but finished with 124 tds to 134 ints. Never had a season with the Rams where he threw 2 or more tds than ints. His best season was a 12 td 11 int effort in a 4-7-1 season. To rub salt in the wound he won a NFL Championship for the Chicago Bears in 1963 after being traded to them following his 7 mediocre seasons with the Rams.

TO BE DETERMINED

2005: Alex Smith, San Francisco - Only his third year in the league but the 49ers are again one of the worst teams in the league and have not come close to the playoffs during his 3 years. I'll give him a slight benefit of the doubt and leave him in the TBD list. But he's speeding towards bust status right now.

2007: JaMarcus Russel, Oakland - Russel has yet to take a snap in the NFL. So who really knows.

MAKING THE PLAYOFFS ONE UNIMPRESSIVE PASS AT A TIME

2001: Michael Vick, Atlanta - Was initially thought of as the evolution of the Quarterback position and was good enough to make several Pro Bowls and win a lot of games. Vick never reached a Superbowl and has subsequently embarrassed the entire city of Atlanta and left the Falcons in shambles. Because of this he should go down as a worse pick than Manning. Atleast the Joey Harrington days for the Giants are no where in site.

2004: Eli Manning, San Diego traded to New York - After 3 1/2 seasons as a starting quarterback Manning has established himself as a middle of the pack QB and barring a major collapse this season will have led the Giants to back to back to back playoff appearances. In his 3 1/2 seasons Manning has thrown 70 touchdowns to 59 interceptions at a moderately inaccurate 55% completion clip.

PRO BOWLERS BUT NOT BIG GAME WINNERS

1975: Steve Bartkowski, Atlanta - Bartkowski played all but one year of his 12 year career with the Falcons, spent most time as the starter and even made the Pro Bowl twice. However, the Falcons never sniffed the Superbowl.

2003: Carson Palmer, Cincinnati - Would generally be taken by fans around the country over Eli and has put up better offensive numbers. However, in Palmers career with one additional season under his belt he has one less playoff appearance going on two less.

1993: Drew Bledsoe, New England - Had decent success for the Patriots during his tenure and led them to one Superbowl loss, however the best thing he ended up doing for the franchise was getting injured and handing the helm over to the Golden Boy.

IMMORTALS

1983: John Elway, Baltimore traded to Denver - Won two superbowls and was inducted into the Hall of Fame and is considered one of the best Quarterbacks of all time. And most similarly to Manning refused to play for the team with the #1 pick.

1998: Peyton Manning, Indianapolis - Eli's true curse is his older brother. He is the constant unfair comparison, is a shoe-in for the Hall when he retires and got over his playoff jitters last year.

1989: Troy Aikman, Dallas - Part of the Jimmy Johnson masterminded triplets. Helped lead the Cowboys to three Superbowls.

1970: Terry Bradshaw, Pittsburgh - Won 4 Superbowl titles for the Steelers, played his entire career for the organization and was inducted into the Hall of Fame.

QUICK CONCLUSION

When you take a look at where Eli sits amongst the overall #1s Giants fans should be relatively happy. Since Eli's brother was drafted at #1 the majority of his peers have been draft busts. After about 3 1/2 seasons Eli's numbers are good but not great, his record is good but not great and he should in no way be considered a bust. Sorry you New Yorkers didn't end up with an Immortal but quit your bitching.

The White Warriors are in first place, it'll probably last only a week so I had to do this before the story was spoiled. Anyway can any of you clowns actually name all 15 of the White Warriors by just looking at their faces?

Wow You Guys Suck: New York Offenses, Combined this long holiday weekend the New York Offenses accounted for a total 48 points. They scored 20 points for their own teams, and provided 4 interceptions for touchdowns for the either teams. Solid job by both Eli and Clemens. Both were responsible for 4 more opposing team points then their teams final outcome. Runners Up: Redskins held the Bucs without a first down but still lost because of turnovers, the Chargers are not back they just played the Ravens who suck.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Herman Edwards,Maybe your kicker sucks, I mean he probably does. But when you have your team lined up for a tying 40 yard field goal in the 4th quarter and instead you decide to go for it. Well that's just plain old dumb. Runners Up: Rackers and the Cardinals Special teams both blew clock management and the next field goal, Denver you see those Out of Bounds lines if you kick it past them Devin Hester can't return the kick.

Cough Cough Cough: Denver Broncos, Did you look across the field at all during the game and realize that you shouldn't kick the ball to Devin Hester? Furthermore did you realize that Rex Grossman was leading the Bears to 4th quarter comeback touchdowns and overtime game winning drives? The Broncos pretty much had choke down pat this weekend. Runners Up: Kurt Warner apparently doesn't know that you're supposed to get rid of the ball in the end zone after 5 solid seconds of protection, Gus the Headbutter apparently lathered up some butter on his fingers for that 4th down play.

The Shocker: San Fran's Offense, Maybe it was the Cardinals defense, but either way the 49ers throwing up 31 points on the board in regulation is pretty ridiculous considering how inept they have been for the past few weeks.Runners Up: Philadelphia coming within a few plays by Asante of winning the game was certainly stunning, the Bungals destroying the Titans was not expected.

The Pimp: Brett Favre, Seriously? What is going on with Brett this season, every week he seems to get better. Where did the old Gunslinger make some mistakes Brett go? Now it's 20 straight completions Brett and maybe I should actually be in consideration for the MVP Brett. Runners Up: Ocho Cinco actually made an appearance this weekend, Devin Hester is the Bears only weapon.

You Got JAKKED UP: Ricky Williams, Welcome back to the league Ricky, I hope you enjoyed that first fumble and the nice running rib stomp you subsequently received.

My Fantasy Anti-MVP: Fucking Rain, All Big Ben needed to do was throw one fuckign td or not throw that god damn int. Or throw another 2 fucking completions god fucking damn it I hate fantasy fucking football I get screwed every god damn fucking week.

New York Jets MVP: Turkey, At least the Turkey's magical powers had me fall asleep during the game, even if it was just for one or two drives it was still better than watching the entire game.

My Picks

My Picks: 9-7
Preseason Picks: 10-6
Picks Vs. Spread: 7-9

Not so good. But how was I supposed to know Pittsburgh was going to be a mud bowl. I should have changed that pick last minute.

Remember this is all about Quality Wins and Bad Losses so if you hold the best out of conference win in the country and play in a far superior conference you just might have an advantage in the rankings despite an extra loss or two.

1. Missouri -The Tigers leap up to take the #1 spot in the polls based on their big victory at Arrowhead this weekend. Unfortunately for them they still have one remaining game against the Sooners in what most likely will be a moderately hostile crowd. Quality Wins: @Illinois, Texas Tech, Kansas(n)

2. Louisiana State -I know losing at home in November is a no-no for making the title game and I am fully aware that this team has 2 losses while both the Mountaineer and Buckeyes do not. However, they have the single best out of conference win this season in the slaughter they put down on VaTech. They lost two games in Triple Overtime, one on a failed two point conversion. Yet somehow the pollsters rank Tech above the Tigers, great logic. Quality Wins: VaTech, Florida, Auburn, Miss St.

3. Georgia - Just in case you can't see the mini theme here 2 loss teams in the SEC > than one loss teams in conferences such as Big Ten and Big East. The Bulldogs faltering at Rocky Top and the Vols pulling out dramatic late victories the last two weeks denies College Football fans everywhere of the best possible SEC title game. Quality Wins: (n)Florida, Troy, Auburn, Kentucky, @GT Bad Loss: South Carolina

4. West Virginia -I think I might be reaching with West Virginia over Ohio State to be completely honest. As bad as the Big 10 is, I still think it's better than the Big East this year and thus that gives the edge to OSU. However, and maybe this is a complete reach, but I'm giving the slight edge to WVU for pounding Miss St. a bowl eligible SEC team that had some big upsets this season. Quality Wins: @Cincy, @Rutgers, Miss St., UConn

5. Ohio St. - The idle Buckeyes are unfortunately on the doorstep of another BCS title birth. All they need is for the favored Sooners to knock off Mizzou in the Alamo dome or the Wanny's to pull of a big upset. I really hope this doesn't happen and really wish voters would have kept LSU ahead of them in the polls. Quality Wins: @Penn St., Wisconsin, @Michigan

6. Oklahoma - Somehow someway the Sooners have an outside chance at the National Title game. If the Wanny boys knock off WVU, which as unlucky as it would seem it is the 2007 season, then the Sooners will arguably control their destiny. Defeating the #1 team in the Nation would certainly give them the largest boost in the polls and could elevate them above both LSU, VT, UGA and Kansas.Quality Wins: Texas(n), Missouri Bad Loss: Colorado

7. Boston College -There win losses are probably mildly less impressive than VT but I'll give them the little edge for knocking out the Hokies in Blacksburg. Either way the champion will be decided on saturday. Quality Wins: Wake Forest, @VT, @Clemson, GT Bad Loss: Maryland

8. Virginia Tech - The Hokies are playing their best football of the season and really are one final two minute collapse away from being the front runner for the BCS title game. They still have a ridiculous outside chance, but realistically its win and drink some Orange Juice.Quality Wins: @Clemson, FSU, @UVA, GT

9. Florida - Tim Tebow is everyone's hero. I bet all Gator fans are relieved the Broken hand happened this week and not during the heart of the SEC season. Either way the hand should be healed by the time he picks up the Heisman trophy in a few weeks. Quality Wins: Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky, FSU

10. Tennessee - The Vols join the top 11 ranks after narrowly squeeking out back to back victories and winning the SEC East. Perhaps this will save fatty Phil from getting shitcanned. Quality Wins: UGA, @Miss St., Arkansas, @Kentucky Bad Loss: South Carolina

11. Illinois - Would anybody at the beginning of the season have thought for a single second that the Zookers were going to wind up a top 10 team at the end of the season. A few things tip there way this weekend and they could actually wind up in the Rose Bowl, who would have figured. Quality Wins: Penn St., Wisconsin, @Ohio St. Bad Loss: @Iowa

Dropped Out: Arizona St. couldn't hold up with the big boys of the Pac 10. Oregon is not good with their 3rd and 4th string QBs.

Noticeable Absences: Kansas should not be ranked that highly. They beat A&M, that's it. They played a few ok teams and lost to the only good team they played.

Previous Weeks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

(n) = neutral field

The best way to prep for a big rivalry game as the Oregon St. fanbase show, is by plastering pictures of your rivals mascot and logo inside a porto potty so that you can urinate and/or dump on your opponent the entirety of your tailgating. Way to go Beaver fans.

Courtesy of The Wizard of Odds from Beavers Blog

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoughts and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track the severely overpaid redhead in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch.

Celtics 105 Golden State 82: +9
Scals in this easy win had some contributions. Dropped a triple and picked up 2 boards and an assist in yet another blowout.

Game Stats: 13 Minutes, 1-2, 3 Points, 2 Rebounds, 1 Assist

Celtics 107 Lakers 94: -1
Scals was 2s across the board against the Lakeshow in yet another Celtics easy victory.

Game Stats: 11 Minutes, 1-2, 2 Points, 2 Rebounds, 2 Assists

Celtics 96 Charlotte 95: -6
Scals -6 is his worst +/- of the season to date. And a negative one per minute played is certainly piss poor, but Ray Ray hit a buzzer beating triple to win the game so... it doesn't matter.

Game Stats: 6 Minutes, 1-3, 2 Points, 1 Rebound, 0 Assists

Overall Week Performance: +2
Scals performance was the worst of the season thus far, but still he managed to just sneak by in the positives based on his solid +/- in the Golden St. game.

Week Stats: 30 Minutes, 3-7, 7 Points, 5 Rebounds, 3 Assists

Overall Season Performance: +38
Scals has yet to have a negative week this season and while his production is diminishing slightly it's tough to kill a man on a team that is currently 11-1 and for the most part wins comfortably in every game.

Season Stats:12 MPG, .344 FG%, 2.7 PPG, 1.9 RPG, 1 APG

1. Normally I'd say Bill isn't looking at the opposing coach cause he's a dick, frankly I think he was just afraid of being eaten.
2. "Hey Bill, you ratting out my two kids for selling you drugs did not make me happy."
3. "They are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook."
4. "Nice headband asshole."
5. "Good try Andy, almost as good as that Superbowl we won."

After tonights ball game, assuming Three Day Old Cheeseburger puts up more than 6 points against the lowly Dolphins I will have my first two win week in a very long time, and putting it bluntly I should have gotten my ass handed to me this week if Fantasy Football made any sense at all.

See I have Eli Manning, in both leagues, the very Eli Manning who played one of the worst games in the history of the NFL and easily the worst game of his career. However, due to my leagues being heavily quarterback point centric Eli put up 9 and 10 points respectively in my leagues. Even in the most non quarterback centric leagues -2 for a turnover, 4 for a td and 1 for 50 passing yards, Eli Manning put up positive points. In one of my matchups Eli actually put up three more points than Vince Young and while Vince had a poor game it's pretty easy to say that Eli had a worse game and yet Eli put up more points. Why? Because Fantasy Leagues ignore the Pick Six.

Why is a pass for ten yards worth more than a pass for ten yards and a touchdown and yet an interception is always just that an interception, regardless of whether or not the throw is brought to the house. Simple math says 3 to 1. Eli Manning threw for 4 touchdowns, three for the Vikings and one for the Giants. One plus negative three equals negative two. If Eli Manning's performance wasn't a negative than really what is?

"So I was talking with Bill, and letting him no that we were going to let him go and explaining to him that his defense was the main reason for the firing, to which he responded 'Uh, but Senator there is no D in Bill Callahan'. I mean what the fuck."





1. Ya take that double digit losses.
2. We just concluded the greatest Notre Dame Season ever...
3. Or worst.









"I practice Limbo by myself, I am top 5 in the nation right now and one of the few americans who can efficiently practice while holding the limbo stick at the same time. Talent Extraordinare. I just do this band thing to limbo practice."






1. I just Croomed myself.
2. The Croom is allergic to ice.
3. The Croom is going bowling for the first time and there will be gutter balls thrown everywhere.





1. I really thought it was pronounced R-Kansas and not R-Can-Saw.
2. You doubted my abilities to end the season with 2 losses, oh how you were wrong.
3. Where's that plane ticket to Ann Arbor?






1. I don't know if this was the smartest thing I've ever done.
2. Isn't this how Colt got his last concussion?
3. That guy in the glasses in the front row is pretty pumped up.









3. Tim Tebow's man juices in a jar.
4. Tim Tebow's baby.
5. Tim Tebow's child support payments.









1. Yep I banged her.
2. And her
3. And her
4. And her
5. And her
6. And her
7. And her
8. And her...


1. Oh please help me mommy.
2. I did not sign up to actual play when I came her as the 3rd string quarterback.
3. Good thing I'm wearing my butt plug.









1. I thought it was a lie, but damn he really is this wide.
2. I bet that dude could eat a Cheesburger this big.
3. I wonder if he needs all doors in his office this wide so he can fit through them.



1. One can of paint lasts an entire season for me with my rail thin arms.
2. Tebow's arm is bigger than my body.
3. Hell Tebow's dong is bigger than my arm.





1. Woo it's over, our coach is finally going to resign.
2. We're the best team in the great state of Texas, and we stink.
3. I'm riding my imaginary motorcycle and it is the coolest.





1. I look like I should be attending a Special Ed school near you.
2. Virginia just lost to a team coached by an assface, ha.
3. I just found out that Tyrod Taylor is Michael Vick #2, that's pretty cool.

I didn't get the Friday Video Blowout out last week so here's a little mini one to get your week started. The first video is classic.

Courtesy in order of The Big Lead, EC, Who ate all the pies, We Are the Postmen, 100% IR


This is my favorite video perhaps of all time.


You would think this would have been more entertaining than the typical human tetris, but alas Asians are funnier than models.


Hmm this Kevin Durant may be good. Who knew.


Whoops wrong goal.


That is the precise reason why he's the starting QB.


Good interview...

There's stupid and then there's taking a face first dive in the troth.

Courtesy of Who Ate All the Pies

Not exactly a phenomenal effort for Carson against Croatia in cementing the British Isles lack of an appearance next year in the European Championships.

Every 4 years all of Europe's attention focuses squarely on what nation will lay claim to be the best of the continent. Ever since the finish of the 2006 World Cup, these European Nations have been fighting to qualify for the occasion as only 16 Nations qualify. Only 14 when you take into account the hosting nations Austria and Switzerland received automatic births. And after 12 games played by each Nation the field has been set and it consists of not one team from the British Isles.

Wales
The lone British Isle who finished worst than 3rd in their qualifying group. Wales finished 5th in Group D, two spots behind Ireland.

Ireland
Ireland finished third in their grouping much like the rest of the British Isles, however the were eliminated long ago as Germany and the Czech Republic cruised to Euro 08.

Northern Ireland
Northern Ireland made a significant push for qualifying, finishing 3rd in their grouping. However, 2 losses to both Latvia and Iceland spoiled the rest of their results which included going 2-1-1 against the eventual group qualifiers Sweden and Spain.

Scotland
The Scots made a valient effort in a group that contained both France and World Cup Champs Italy. Going into their final match against Italy in Glasgow, the Scots sat a lone point behind France and a point above Italy in the standings and a win could get them into the field. However, the Italians broke the tie game in the 91st minute and the Scots were sunk for good.

England
Obviously the biggest failures of the group. England suffered some inexcusable outcomes but had one last match at home versus Croatia, where a victory would put them in place for qualifying. However, after pulling the game even a 2-2 they gave up the deciding goal and finished off the Isles for good as well as their manager who was sacked the next day.

Perhaps the Isles should just start their own tournament next year. British Isles 08. Atleast then there would be some kind of International football to look forward to off the mainland.

Well that Pep talk didn't quite make sense. But Lou probably won't be welcomed with open arms the next time he covers a Toledo game.

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Texas A&M Aggies vs. Texas Longhorns

Every year Americans everywhere turn on the tube on Thanksgiving to watch the Cowboys play. Well every year the day after Thanksgiving Texans are equally focused on football when A&M and the Longhorns clash. Last year the Longhorns came in fighting for the Big 12 title but were battered and bruised by A&M and Colt took the pounding of a lifetime. This year A&M comes in reeling to the tune of a 6-5 schedule, meanwhile Texas with a win and an Okie St. upset could sneak their way into the Big 12 title game.

3º of Loss Separation : A&M beat Nebraska beat Kansas St. beat Texas

The Aggies despite winning only three conference games thus far managed to go into Lincoln and knock off the equally bad Nebraska Cornhuskers. The Cornhuskers then followed that up with a few more bad losses until all of a sudden they decided to play Old School Nebraska blowout football and laid a whoopin on Kansas St. The same Kansas St. shocked the nation when they ended the Longhorns title hopes nice and early in the Big 12 schedule.

Final Outcome: Texas A&M 50 Texas 22

All of the above outcomes were big time blowouts so when taking their averages it looks like the Aggies are going to kill Colt McCoy again and score at absolute will in their efforts to once again own the Texas football world. So much for the Big 12 title game Colt.

A lot of big time football this weekend. A lot of it.

Bonus. Boise St. Broncos at Hawaii Warriors
I actually couldn't just leave it at 5 this week. There are massive title and BCS implication matchups this week, including the Broncos trip to Hawaii. If Colt and the Warriors can knock off Boise St. that would earn some nice pollster points and could solidify a trip to a BCS game.The Pick: Broncos can't burst the Warriors bubble after long plane flight.

5. Tennessee Volunteers at Kentucky Wildcats
The Vols were that close to coughing away a tript to face LSU in the SEC title game and now just have the a trip to Lexington in the way. A trip which they pretty much never lose. The Pick: Vols snub the Bulldogs their SEC title chance.

4. Virginia Tech Hokies at Virginia Cavaliers
Winner gets a trip to Jacksonville to face off against the Boston College Eagles. Who would have thought after getting pummeled by Wyoming in week 1 that the Cavaliers would have this chance The Pick: Hokies knock off the Grohboys.

3. Fraudconn Huskies at West Virginia Mountaineers
Fraudconn has been brought back to Earth, but got a nice propping up from the Orangement last week. The Mountaineers can see the Superdome ahead but need to take care of business against the Huskies, who with a win would secure the Big East crown. The Pick: Mountaineers in a good ole fashion mountain beating.

2. Southern California Trojans at Arizona State Sun Devils
My buddy Tony's parents moved down to Zona a few years back and he typically visits them on Thanksgiving. So earlier this year he lets me know he and his father are going to the Sun Devils USC game and we think there should atleast be some hot girls there. Little did we know that the Sun Devils would be a 9-1 team looking to secure a trip to the Rose Bowl The Pick: Not so fast, Trojans knock off Devils of the Sun.

1. Missouri Tigers at Kansas Jayhawks
This is obviously the most important matchup of the weekend. The winner is one game away from the National title game while the loser must mull over lost opportunities and contemplate how they just lost their programs best chance at ever winning a national title. The Pick: Chase Daniel leads Mizzou to the Victory.

One good week means this will definitely be a poor one.

5. Arizona Cardinals (-10 1/2) at San Fransisco 49ers
This line is absolutely ridiculous but the 49ers suck that bad.

4. Indianapolis Colts (-11 1/2) at Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons really shouldn't have anywhere near the amount of wins they currently have. They're gonna get pummeled.

3. New York Jets (+14 1/2) at Dallas Cowboys
The Jets have only gotten crushed once this season, and that was against the Pats. And the Cowboys are good but they're not the Pats.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers (-16 1/2) vs. Miami Dophins
The Steelers will be back this monday after their O line decided to skip out on the Jets game.

1. New England Patriots(-22 1/2) vs. Philadelphia Eagles
I'm not picking against the Patriots. It's severely bad for your health.

Survivor League Pick: Death to Norv Chargers

Indy is the best team I've got remaining and they're playing the Falcons. Not difficulty.

Non-Spread Picks

Wow You Guys Suck: San Francisco, Really this team is completely pitiful. So much for the progress from last season. Right now the 49ers are arguably worse than the Dolphins, they're just lucky they won their first two games. But in reality it doesn't matter, they'll end up with a draft pick in the high 20s and forfeit their's to the Patriots. Runners Up: Byron Leftwich has been pitiful this season, Miami of course.

Cough Cough Cough: Shaun McDonald, 7 catches and 113 yards is a great performance. However, that does not accurately depict Shaun's day. On Detroit 2nd to last possession Kitna threw a deep bomb on the sideline to McDonald which was intercepted. The interception was Kitna's fault, however, McDonald could have gone Dback and attempted to break up the pass. Than the final possession with the Lions driving McDonald dropped a pass that was just about head high, but the drop was more like a tip directly to the Giants DBs. Game over. Runners Up: Jon Kitna is right there as well, Pitt's Oline really didn't show up.

The Shocker: New York Jets, I'm not saying I thought they were going to get blown out, hell I even thought they were going to cover (homer pick) but the entire final drive I was expecting them to choke.Runners Up: The Chargers sit at 5-5 they suck, New Orleans is 4-6 they equally suck.

The Pimp: Tom Brady / Randy Moss, In reality Moss and Brady could take up the #1 Pimp every single game this season but 4 touchdowns in the first half is a bit ridiculous for a quarterback, nevermind for a single wideout. Runners Up: TO's 4 touchdowns somehow did not end up #1, Chester Taylor pulled off a nice Adrian Peterson impression.

You Got JAKKED UP: ESPN's Jakked Up Segment, Where have you gone. It was so much easier to do this when ESPN was still doing it.

My Fantasy Anti-MVP: My Brain, The Dolphins suck, Jay Cutler is injured and could be a little worse than normal, the Dolphins really suck, I should play JP Losman instead of Cutler... I lost by a point... F*ck me.

New York Jets MVP: DeWayne Robertson, There's plenty of Jets that I could say were the MVP this weekend, but I'm going to go with one of the players I have repeatedly been critical of, Big #63. Robertson played possibly his best game of his career including the critical sack in overtime.

My Picks

My Picks: 11-5
Preseason Picks: 10-6
Picks Vs. Spread: 11-5

Actually good... huh no shit.

I'm bein charitable today and working at a food drive this morning, then being charitable to the Native Americans and giving them some of my money cause my luck is shit. In other words, no posts today.

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my intense dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track the inept deadbeat in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch.

Celtics 101 Pacers 86: +8
Another Celtic beatdown means another game where Scalabrine gets to enter drop a couple of threes in watered down minutes and have his plus/minus suckle off the Big Three's tit.

Game Stats: 15 Minutes, 2-5, 9 Points, 1 Rebound, 0 Assists

Celtics 91 Nets 69: +3
Almost amazing how a person could have a plus/minus of only positive 3 when they are involved in a 22 point blow out.

Game Stats: 10 Minutes, 0-1, 0 Points, 2 Rebounds, 1 Assist

Celtics 92 Heat 91: -5
Apparently Scalabrine wasn't a good matchup or something against the Heat and thus only entered the game for a total of 6 minutes. But he must have left a good impression on some Heat player as he left with a -5.

Game Stats: 6 Minutes, 0-3, 0 Points, 1 Rebound, 0 Assists

Celtics 102 Orlando 104: -2
The Celtics were going to lose eventually and yesterday was that day. For the second consecutive game Scalabrine got limited minutes, and for the second consecutive game he produced just about nothing during those limited minutes. -2 on the +/- -2 on the scoreboard.

Game Stats: 6 Minutes, 0-1, 0 Points, 0 Rebounds, 1 Assist

Overall Week Performance: +4
Another week and another positive for Scalabrine. This week however, Scalabrine sprinkled in two negative outings amidst two Celtics close contests. Meaning if he was not on the floor during those games, there's a decent chance the Celtics do not split them. Well that was a vast overstatement of course, but regardless it's nice to see the Celtics decreasing his minutes to single digits.

Week Stats: 35 Minutes, 2-10, 9 Points, 4 Rebounds, 2 Assists

Overall Season Performance: +36
Scalabrine still has a much higher Season performance than I was expecting, but atleast its continually coming down to earth week after week. The man is bad at basketball and should not be making anywhere near what he does.

Season Stats:13 MPG, .320 FG%, 2.9 PPG, 2.1 RPG, 1 APG

Don't let any Jet fan, myself included, tell you otherwise the New York Jet fanbase is pathetic. Since I started this blog 2 summers ago I have been to one game, in which I was vastly disappointed by the showing of Jets fans. Earlier this season I absolutely hated the fans showings in cheering the injury of Chad Pennington. And yesterday it was completely evident this weekend when the stadium was swirling with yellow towels and cheering for Pittsburgh first downs. The Jet fans showing was at best piss poor.

Listening to Mike and the Mad Dog this afternoon, I ran across the comments from some New York Jets players:

Safety Kerry Rhodes said, it "ticked us off a little bit," but he added, "their fans made it fun for us."NYP

"You had no choice but to notice," Baker said of Giants Stadium absolutely taken over by black-and-gold-clad, "Terrible Towel"-waving Steelers fans who bought all the tickets from the apathetic Jets fans who opted not to show up. When I came out for warm-ups, I was like, 'Wow, I've never seen this before.' I was definitely shocked, because I've been here for six years and we've had ups and downs, but I've never seen our stadium with more visiting fans than home fans." NYP

"It [ticked] us off," defensive end Shaun Ellis said. "It was weird. It felt like an away game. It felt good to get a road win." NYP

"A situation like that fan-wise, you try to minimize the things they are able to cheer for," Jets coach Eric Mangini said of Pittsburgh stealing the home-field advantage. "That's really all you can do." Times Herald Record

I'm not here to proclaim myself the greatest fan in the world either. I live approximately an hour and a half from the stadium and have not yet nor plan to go to a game this season. However, I'm not going to defend Jet fans and criticize Rhodes and Baker nor any other Jet for their comments. They're right. Despite the understandable excuses like they are a 1-8 team why should I go when I can get my money back, it's a testament to the fact that the New York Jets have far less die-hard fans than most NFL franchises. Season Ticket holders of the New York Jets obviously have less affinity for the team than most NFL franchises including the cross town Giants.

So if you run into a Jet fan in the next few days making excuses for all the black and gold running rampant in Giants stadium, just tell him to shut up, there is no defense to allowing one of your 8 home games to turn into a road game.

Photo #1 from KSK

Last year when the Seahawks traded for Deion Branch it seemed like they were desperate for a #1 wideout. This year when they let Darrell Jackson run to the division rival 49ers it seemed as if Branch would even more likely step into that #1 role. However, someone else has apparently jumped up and become Matt Hasselbeck's #1 target. And that man is... D.J. Hackett. Um Who?

So Who Exactly is DJ Hackett? DJ is a native Sothern Californian who originally attended Cal State Northridge. However, he was forced to transfer schools after they dumped their football program in 2001, which I'd imagine sucking a lot. Hackett then moved into the Big 12 to play for the Colorado Buffalos in 2002 and saw his most productive season in his final year at school having over 1000 yards and 7tds, but since the Buffs went 5-7 that year chances are you never got to see him play. The Seahawks went on the draft him in the mid 5th round of the 2005 draft, again at a point where even the most diligent follower of sports overlooks names.

In his rookie year with the Seahawks Hackett did not see the playing field. In the 2005 NFC Title team Hackett saw mild action at the wideout slot 28 catches and increased his production last year to move into more of a prominent role with 45 catches. And that brings us to this season. In the season opener Hackett injured his ankle and missed the next 6 games. However, since the Seahawks week 8 bye it's been all about Hasselbeck to D.J. In his return game, Hackett caught 6 passes including one for a touchdown. In the monday night matchup versus the 49ers Hackett caught 8 passes for 108 yards including a td. And then yesterday in the matchup against the Bears, Hackett had the biggest game of his career with 9 catches for 136 yards including a td.

3 weeks active, and 3 weeks being Matt Hasselbeck's #1 option and if you had asked football fans across America three weeks ago who DJ Hackett was, I guarantee half would have had no idea, and most likely he's still falling under the radar. Except the oppositions secondaries of course.

Remember this is all about Quality Wins and Bad Losses so if you lose to a top ranked team its not going to kill you, if you lose to Appalachian St. in the opener it will haunt you the entire season. This season is just a big clusterf*ck, who the hell knows where these teams should be ranked and who exactly is the best of the bunch.

1. Louisiana State - LSU took care of their business this weekend and ignored the Degrees of Loss Separation. One more matchup against the Razorbacks and then a matchup against most likely the Tennessee Vols for a trip to the national title game. Against who? Who knows. Quality Wins: VaTech, South Carolina, Florida, Auburn, @Alabama

2. Georgia - Perhaps I've turned into the very thing I completely hate, an SEC homer, but Georgia looks like the 2nd best team in the country right now. The loss against the Gamecocks in week 2 was a bad one but they are playing better football than just about anyone right now and I wish wish the Vols would have lost this weekend so we could have gotten UGA LSU in the SEC Title game. Quality Wins: (n)Florida, @Bama, Troy, Auburn, Kentucky

3. Missouri -Who knew when the Mizzou Tigers knocked off the Zookers in the opening game of the season that we would sit in mid November thinking it was amongst the best Out of Conference wins in the country. If you look at the teams in the top 11 the only games that compare are LSU's pounding of VT and Oregon's pounding of Michigan at the Big House. Quality Wins: @Illinois, Texas Tech

4. Oregon -Not like it really matters cause they just lost the game to Arizona but they still have 3 quality wins. It really is a shame that they lost Dixon on thursday night to kill their season, they probably had enough fire power to atleast give LSU a run for their money in the Title game. Now they need help just to make the Rose Bowl. Quality Wins: @Michigan, USC, Arizona St., Houston Bad Loss: @Arizona

5. Ohio St. - I'll put them here based on beating the majority of the Big 10 teams even though the Big 10 sucks. I really hope that voters are dissuaded from voting OSU into the title game on the basis of their piss poor schedule, and wouldn't mind if they were dissuaded from voting them due to their beatdown in the title game last year. Quality Wins: Purdon't, @Penn St., Wisconsin, @Michigan

6. West Virginia - For the first time this season I've jumped the Mountaineers into the top 11. I think Fraudconn sucks but another win over a ranked team will probably convince me to hop them over Ohio St. for the simple fact that they atleast beat an SEC team that didn't finish at the absolute bottom of the conference. Quality Wins: @Cincy, Miss St., @Rutgers

7. Boston College -Just when it looks like BC is completely dead, Matt Ryan pulls off another comeback from his ass and now BC has two night road victories in the hardest stadiums in the ACC to play in. Certainly the loss to Maryland is unacceptable but now BC just has to focus on the rematch with VT. Quality Wins: Wake Forest, @VT, @Clemson Bad Loss: Maryland

8. Oklahoma - Your quarterback getting injured in a tough road environment just kills your season. Now the Sooners are the Buckeyes, Mountaineers and Sun Devils favorite team. If they go out and lose in the Big 12 title game then Mizzou or Kansas is almost assured of a title trip. If they go out and beat the Jayhawks or Tigers, than that opens the gates for any of those teams. Quality Wins: Texas(n), Missouri Bad Loss: Colorado

9. Virginia Tech - If the Hokies could have just hung on against BC they would be in perfect position to make a run at the title game, but alas they choked at the end and now have to maintain their focus and win a rematch with BC in the ACC Title game. Quality Wins: @Clemson, FSU

10. Florida - Tim Tebow could win 3 Heisman's in a row, it really is a possibility. With the season he's having so far he could go down as the best college quarterback in history. Quality Wins: Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky, South Carolina

11. Arizona St. - The Sun Devils haven't done anything extra exciting this year but with a home matchup against against USC on thanksgiving they'll atleast have one potential big time win this season. Quality Wins: Cal, Oregon St.

Dropped Out: Kansas, look below.

Noticeable Absences: Kansas the #2 ranked team in the country. And why? They've played quite possibly the worst schedule in the history of a BCS school team. The Big 12 North is horrendous and they've avoided play Texas Tech, Texas and Oklahoma in other words the three best teams in the Big 12 South. Additionally, I removed A&M from the quality win category after my second thought, and realizing that A&M got pounded by Miami, who completely sucks. With all this being said if they beat Missouri and Oklahoma in back to back weeks they will shoot up to near the top.

Previous Weeks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

(n) = neutral field

1. Les Miles is our pimp hero...
2. Well until he takes the Michigan job.
3. I probably spent way too much money on this coat when I could have simply gotten an LSU jersey.




"Hey Coach look at the hot South Carolina ass up there in the bleachers. Ha and look at that dumb ass that's painted orange next to him. Little does he know that Matt Ice is going to throw a game winning touchdown in the 4th quarter and little does he know he's going to watch his wideout drop a game winning td right afterward."



1. What you can't see from this angle, is that this thing is already tapped. Thing is just a wooden version of those 5 liter Heineken mini kegs.
2. This dude's gonna try to pound the entire thing.
3. No shit we're going to go to a bowl game? It's time to get obliterated.





1. Wow Paul Bunyan was one big ass dude, I wonder how many bison he killed with this axe.
2. Beating Minnesota has a prize? I wonder why.
3. This is absolutely the best time to play paper football, see if you can kick it between my fingers.




1. I'm gonna smoke this shit later tonight.
2. Me 2 Michigan Seniors 0
3. F*ck this Rose crap I'm gonna smoke this, a few Fraudconn's gonna beat WVU, and Oklahoma's gonna win the title game and we're going to take down LSU.



1. Hey Chad, um, if you could maybe both throw the ball to your receivers and convince them to catch the ball, that would be nice.
2. Maybe Ryan Mallett will beat Ohio St. next year.
3. Chad, when you get drafted for the NFL can you request the number 04, make sure you get the 0 in there, it's symbolic.




1. My mother is so proud of me right now.
2. I already have my Pneumonia check up scheduled for monday morning.
3. This was a bad idea...









"So let me list off the ones I have first. Obviously the one to my immediate right, the two on the bottom, and one or two out of the camera's view. Next on my list is the girl on the far right, she's got a tuesday morning appointment. We'll see if we can work in the others later this season. I'm a busy man."




"Oh my god oh my god we won the DukeSuperbowl. I knew we didn't completely suck. Now we're the 4th or 5th worst team in college football. And we might be better than atleast one service Academy. And now Lou Holtz isn't going to get killed by his bookie. Yippy."








1. That loss really isn't going to help me land the Michigan job.
2. Even Mike Shula didn't lose to non BCS tams.
3. Well, at the very least, I'm not the Dolphins coach anymore.








"Ernie McCracken is my favorite movie character of all time so I thought to myself during this football game why shouldn't I work on my bowling form. And look at that, I've got a guy jumping on my left and a guy on my right leg and still, perfect form. That's definitely hitting the pocket."





1. I'm going 'Over the Top'
2. I am getting the best ab stretch of my life right now.
3. I feel like Randy Moss this is so cool.









1. No National Championship... No Heisman Trophy... No Senior Bowl Game
2. Yes Reconstructive Knee Surgery
3. God damn every quarterback named Leaf sucks, why exactly did we split time last year?

What exactly did Coach Linehan say to Coach Nolan to get that look of disdain?

5. You guys have a great offense really, all of those weapons had us so confused today.
4. You guys were 2-0, shit, I completely forgot about that. So we lost our first 8 games and have won are last two and you won your first 2 games and lost your last 8, that's crazy.
3. You couldn't find anyone better than Trent Dilfer to play QB, that sucks.
2. Hey Mike, lets do our best Belichick handshake impression. Wow you're good.
1. Dude how much does it suck that you guys traded your #1 draft pick to the Patriots. That really just sucks for everyone. I pretty much don't like you right now.

Not the Pats of course, but atleast one New England Professional team has lost.

~I want to lead this off by saying read my post at EC because it's one of my favorites I've written in awhile. It's about Lou Holtz being senile.

~Now onto Barroid. The Fact that he got indicted isn't really a surprise and I really can't say I care that much. If he gets convicted whatever, he gets off whatever. The thing I don't understand is why so many people are just blowing off perjury as if it's not a big deal at all. There's a reason the perjury crime exists and a reason why it should have a harsh penalty. Lying to the court is should not be stood for. So saying Barry shouldn't go to jail because he 'didn't commit a crime', is a pretty dumb statement.

~This game is fun if you want to burn a few minutes.

~Arod apparently has incentives for breaking the home run record. See that Joe, Arod can play for incentives.

~Jeter apparently lied and said he resided in Florida to avoid taxes. Um who cares.

~The Degrees of Loss Separation was correct once again, mostly to my dismay. I really wanted Oregon to run the table and sneak into the championship game. Now Tebow is going to win the Heisman with limited opposition, and no team I particularly enjoy is going to make the National Championship game. So yet another year where I will have no rooting interest in the title game. Ugh.

~If the Degrees of Loss Separation improves to 4-2 this weekend that would be ridiculous.

~Tony Romo being the #1 selling jersey in the entire NFL seems a bit odd to me.

~Michigan got pounded last night by Georgetown on the road, way to blaze the trail for another year without the NCAA tournament.

~Nintendo trivia. I got 13 of 25.

Screw aiming, I'm achieving piss poor, of if ands or buts about it.

5. St. Louis Rams (-2 1/2) at San Fransisco 49ers
The Rams have their main weapons back healthy and ready to go and the 49ers completely suck. Sure the Rams are 1-8 but they did lay a whippin on the Saints last week. Meanwhile the 49ers couldn't move the ball on Nebraska's defense right now.

4. New York Giants (-2 1/2) at Detroit Lions
The Giants have three losses. Their losses have come against two teams which are both 8-1. Not really that big of a knock. Basically I just don't see the Lions being able to bounce back unless they establish some kind of rushing attack which they didn't even try to do last week.

3. Oakland Raiders (+5 1/2) at Minnesota Vikings
No Purple Jesus equals no win in Minnesota. Furthermore, Lane Kiffin is starting Daunte Culpepper this week for the second tour of the Culpepper Revenge series, where Daunte scores a bunch of points on his former teammates.

2. Cincinnati Bengals (-3 1/2) vs. Arizona Cardinals
The Bengals are my vice. Every week I essentially pick them to beat the spread and win the football game and up until last week I was getting repeatedly burnt. But since they won last week they are again in my good graces, so here's to another one.

1. New England Patriots(-15 1/2) at Buffalo Bills
Apparently a one week layoff and now the bookies have forgotten that the Patriots destroy every team in the NFL. A 15 1/2 point spread against the overachieving Bills coming off an extra week off? Is there anyway the Pats don't hang 35?

Survivor League Pick: Death to Norv Chargers

This week I'm going with the Pack. They're playing Vinny T at home and their defense just shut down Purple Jesus. It's a pretty easy pick.

Non-Spread Picks

5. Vanderbilt Commodores at Tennessee Volunteers
So this doesn't really look like a big matchup this weekend. The Vols are playing well, and the Commodores have struggled for much of the conference schedule. But every single game that UT plays for the remainder of the regular season is huge. If they win out they play in the SEC Title game, despite being arguably worse than both the Gators and the Bulldogs. A few weeks ago LSU would have hoped for UT to lose so they could get a bigger boost from the title game. Now I think they want the Vols to win out, so they can avoid UGA or a rematch with Tebow. The Pick: The Vols unfortunately.

4.Missouri Tigers at Kansas St. Wildcats
After the Oregon loss last night the Big 12 is in great position to get a team in the title game. The only way this will be hindered is if Mizzou, OU, or Kansas start losing prior to their matchups. This weekend the one with the hardest is the Tigers who head into Manhattan. Mizzou does not stumble.

3. Boston College Eagles at Clemson Tigers
Someone in Boston falling from their pedestal was very nice to see. BC went from #2 in the country to needing to win in Death Valley this weekend to make the ACC title game. Meanwhile, Clemson has played extremely well since losing the VaTech and gets BC at the exact right time. The Pick: Clemson continues the BC collapse.

2. Ohio State Buckeyes at Michigan Wolverines
As much as the luster is off this game now that both lost last weekend, I am still very happy the Zookers knocked off the Buckeyes. Regardless, this is the battle for the Rose Bowl, with the Buckeyes having an outside shot at the BCS title still. I just pray Hart and Henne can sack it up and play in their final matchup against OSU so that they don't suck dong like they did last week. The Pick: I'm a glass half empty guy... Buckeyes win.

1. West Virginia Mountaineers at Cincinnati Bearcats
Yesterday I would have picked the Mountaineers, but after Oregon lost I just think there's another stumbling block for the WVU and that certainly isn't UConn. If the Bearcats win this game they effectively position themselves for a BCS bowl birth. All they would need is for the Mountaineers to throttle UConn in Morgantown, and I think that's going to happen. Meanwhile the Mountaineers will be routing for all teams SEC not wearing purple. The Pick: The Bearcats pull this one off.

Yao on wednesday night had his 35 consecutive made free throw streak snapped, but down 3 needing a missed free throw rebound and kick he pulled this off:

I've never ever seen that done better. Sometimes you see people miss the rim completely. Instead Yao drills the ball off the iron directly to himselfs and in a single motion catches and passes to Skip to my Lou. Who sucks at hitting threes so in essence no one cares about this other than me.

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes, laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies time.

Videos, in order, courtesy of 100% IR, The Offside, AA, EC, Fanhouse, Typically Spanish, Fanhouse again


I could listen to the Zelda theme for at minimum an hour a day.


I don't know what's better the whiffs or the outfits.


But of course a kid who goes to BC is a dumpster diver, I mean only poor kids go to BC right?


Colt may not remember this entire season after that hit.


Looking for the ball is optional in Utah.


The old crotch goal is always classic, some men can't score with their feet, some men can score with their penis.


Good Ole Oregon plugging their Heisman Hopefuls some more.


And finally just in case you ever wondered why flexibility could be valuable...

Some suckitude, some inappropriate crotch grabbing, a little drug induced delusions, and irresponsible suing. So basically a lit bit of everything this week. 1. Cheryl Richards - In Episodes of Cocaine induced delusions Cheryl takes the cake this week. Not only did she drive her car through a gate and into the Patriot practice facility but she was looking for a player that hasn't even been on the roster in 5 years. Perhaps she's a time traveler, that would explain the 80s haircut atleast, or perhaps she's just watched too much Journeyman or Quantum Leap. Or she needs to lay off the Coke. 2. Fisk Woman's Basketball - 101 points? You lost a game by 101 points? You're kidding right? How in a woman's basketball game could you possible give up over 100 points? It's not as if you were playing UConn or Tennessee. Why exactly do you even have a team if you're going to go out and score 22 points in a game. Just pathetic. 3. Lambeau Leap Crotch Grabber - This has been on just about every single sports blog in the world already. It's pretty simple you do not grab a mans crotch. I'm pretty sure Ruvell will think twice next time he scores a touchdown and goes to jump into the Lambeau crowd. Way to ruin it for everyone simply because you watched to touch a pro athletes dick. 4. Milana Dravnel - So if you were a prostitute, or escort, or just general slutty woman and you dressed up a professional boxer in drag and took photographs of him and eventually published these embarrassing photos online for all to see and ridicule what would then be the next step. Suing for defamation of course because by Oscar saying those photos weren't real he was calling you a liar. Only in America. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Don Shula

Opinion Polls & Market Research

"I'm from Michigan, enough with your celebrations and your trip to the National Championship game. Feel the Pepper Spray burn your throat and eye sockets."

So myself and my buddy Joe at CollegeGameballs pretty much sit at our respective cubicles, mine at a Corporate Building his at his apartment (Work at Home Bastard) and discuss different sports topics for the majority of the day. Here is an excert from one of these many discussions:

CGB: i think if carr leaves they need to get les miles
i know you dont like him
but after this year im on his wagon

Simon: i don't know if they need to get anyone
I still want to see Miles win the big game
and they still have a lot of Saban's recruits

CGB: the names ive heard
are miles
and tedford
tedford would be bad

Simon: possibly

CGB: he never does anything
and they recruit

Simon: his QBs get good

CGB: they start off big then collapse
every year

Simon: Mallett has big time potential

CGB: yeah hes nasty
i dont know what other big name guys would leave a program
if it were me
id try to get mark richt
perhaps charlie weis
haha

Simon: ha
if your Les Miles do you leave?
I know you're born and bread Michigan man
but you're at an equally legit school
possibly coming off a national title
which gives you atleast a 5 year grace period

CGB: yeah definitely

Simon: Michigan will lose Henne, Hart, Long, Crable, Arrington
are their key guys that will be gone
and possibly Manningham

CGB: i dont think it matters
the NC gives him a grace period anywhere
maybe not 5
at um
but i think he gets 3-4 easy
all he needs to do is beat OSU once
i wouldnt be surprised if any other job out there for him was just a springboard for michigan
i wonder if harbaugh will be interviewed
i think that would be awesome too

Simon: he probably wouldn't have been a bad candidate if he didn't disparage the
program in the off season

CGB: i know

Simon: Les could have been hoping the Michigan job would fall in his lap his entire
career, but sometimes dreams change
National Championships could do that

CGB: agreed

Simon: if I was him and moved to Michigan, I certainly wouldn't be putting LSU on my schedule any time soon

CGB: haha no

~I'm feeling very lax this morning as you can see by the no post yet. But I put one up late last night so it's like I put one up this morning, but I digress here's a quicknotes...

~I was contemplating doing an entire post on Arod, but I don't feel like it. Here's my thoughts. The fact that the Yankees have apparently worked out a deal with Arod neither upsets me nor excites me. I'm relatively numb to the whole thing right now. I enjoy the fact that the Yanks told Boras to shove it, but somehow someway you have to think he was lurking in the shadows somewhere. Either way, they basically gave him the deal they offered a couple of weeks ago minus the Texas money so it makes sense. Better to sign him than trade for Miguel Cabrera, however Cabrera at 1st wouldn't be a dumb move, but giving up Hughes might be.

~I'm waiting for the aftermath really. What will Arod do with Boras? What will he say? Will he blame Boras entirely for the opt out and the World Series Announcement to save some face with the Yankees fans?

~More Yankee news, the Yanks pursuing Mike Lowell to play first base is stupid. He's a solid player but Fenway clearly helps his production. I hope it's simply and attempt to raise the price take from Fenway. However, having seen Damon bounce I don't think the Red Sox are in to compete for prices. I think they have a # in their head and offered it to Lowell. Lowell should take what the Red Sox offer him and take the three years and get over it.

~In more Yanks talk, can Mr. Girardi find a way to move Cano up in the lineup please. How about Damon, Jeter, Cano, Arod, Abreu, Jorge, Matsui, 1B (TBD), Melky. That looks about right.

~Speaking of Cabrera, I wonder if this helps or hurts his market. Sure it probably* takes the Yankees off the market, but now he's the best piece out there. The Dodgers, Giants, Angels have to want him badly. You have to think that the Angels and Dodgers at the very list will end up competing with themselves and raising the price tag.

~How much will the White Sox get for Joe Crede? He has to be a pretty good secondary option for teams out there.

~The whole Isiah Marbury thing is being played out. Wooooo Marbury doesn't like getting benched. Wow that's a great surprise. So he bounced for a game, whatever, how many times do you just not want to go to work if your pissed off. He didn't, good for him, he got docked his pay and he'll deal with that. And really the Knicks just suck, so anything that goes on with them really isn't much of a story.

~Having said that, I did have some fun writing a post at EC in which I wrote a theoretical letter from Starbury to Ike the Sexual Harrasser.

~The Jets have the Steelers and the Cowboys in back to back weeks, HAHAHAHA.

~If I did an NFL power rankings right now I'd put the Cowboys at #2. The Colts are too injured, and the Boys are better than Pitt.

~There was a post at the Fanhouse the other day where the author attempted to say Joey Harrington was a better Quarterback than Michael Vick. I hope he has regained his medication or received his payment from Joey himself.

~Some people don't get that the Degrees of Loss Separation is supposed to be way out there.

~The White Warriors are in second place...

346 Miles, that is the total distance between Jacksonville, Florida and Atlanta, Georgia. This is the distance Byron Leftwich traveled this season to enter a new stage in his career, or so he thought. In reality Leftwich was simply changing addresses, conferences, and jersey colors to experience the same old story.

2005: Leftwich starts the first 10 games of the Jaguars season leading them to a record of 7-3. All was looking up for the developing Leftwich until an Adrian Wilson sack and a broken ankle in the first play of game 11. Insert David Garrard. After taking over for Leftwich in game 11, Garrard led the Jaguars to a 5-1 finish. Despite the finish and the play of Garrard, Leftwich was named the starter when he returned for the Jaguars playoffs loss.

2006: Despite a mild Quarterback Controversy going into the season Leftwich was again named the starter. He started the teams first 6 games until suffering a season ending ankle injury against the Houston Texans in game 6. Garrard then substituted yet again, and got off to another hot start. The Jaguars, with Garrard under center, won their next two games and 5 of their next 7. However, in the month of December the Jaguars stumbled losing their last three. As a result in February, Leftwich received another vote of confidence and was named the Jaguars starter by Jack Del Rio.

2007: After being cut by the Jaguars and signed by the Falcons after week 2, Leftwich for the first time waited patiently as a backup. After Joey Harrington's struggles through 6 weeks Leftwich was named the starter for the Atlanta Falcons. During the course of the week 7 game against the Saints, Leftwich was again hampered with a leg injury and was removed from the game. The following two weeks Joey Harrington led the Falcons to their 2nd and 3rd wins of the season. Despite these wins, the old story has held true, Coach Bobby Patrino has stated that when healthy Byron Leftwich is the starting quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons.

Maybe 346 miles just wasn't far enough for Byron to remove himself from the reoccurring story of his career. Get Injured, Watch the Backup Win, Rehab and Regain Starting Position is simply the way of life for Byron Leftwich.

Once again I'm severely late on the monthly awards, but whatever sue me. I also planned on putting this on EC over the weekend first but I forgot... Week 1, Daniel Barron - What the hell is up with people wanting to have sex with minors this week. 11? What the f*ck is wrong with you dude? He's 11. I hope you enjoy the federal pound me in the ass prison that you will be going to. And why would anyone really want to go to a Dolphins game. Week 2, Dave Wannstedt - Apparently Dave has been so impressed with Norv Turner's shitty job this year that he is attempting to go above and beyond the call of duty and show everyone on the planet that he is in fact the worst coach in football. Down 3 in overtime against Navy at the two yard line after running the ball effectively he calls a pass planet. Failed. So he kicks a field goal right? Nope he goes for it, and well they don't get it. Week 3, El-Hadji Diouf - If you were the best player for your national team and you were only 26 the logical progression would be what? Captaincy? Or... retirement. Why because they were no longer paying for his plain flights. This coming from the same player who admitted to getting thrown out of Premiership games on purpose. Week 4, Stan Vaughn - Those 1st base, 2nd base etc. sex talks were life changing in 3rd grade. However in high school I think the lingo changed a bit, and I'm pretty sure that you understand what the hell everything is and where stuff can and can't go. But I guess principals in Kansas think Saving 2nd Base t-shirts are too inappropriate for the youth of their community. And who really cares about raising money for breast cancer anyway right? Get Your Vote On Last Months Winner: Ookie Vick

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Those French Invisible Trains always cause problems during the race. You additionally have to watch out for speeding Renault's, a baker throwing baguettes on the road, and getting entangled in the armpit hair of a french woman spectator.

Joe Staley of Course...

After 10 NFL Weeks the overwhelming storyline in the NFL are the New England Patriots run at a historic undefeated season. Amongst the myriad of side stories the one that shines the most is the acquisition and stellar play of Randy Moss. Randy Moss has helped Tom Brady to astronomical numbers and has regained the form that once had people thinking he could surpass Jerry Rice as the greatest receiver of all time. And the Pats got him for the low low price of 4th round pick John Bowie.

Additionally if you've read Bill Simmons annoying diatribe, have any annoying Patriot fan friends, or are a 49er fan you know that the San Francisco 49ers do not have their first round pick this season. So as their fanbase sulks in the misery of their 2-6 record going on 2-14 they will instead be watching the Uber Patriots use their top draft pick to bolster their already epic roster.

What has been missed by most people is that one man links both of these story lines together. That man is the Right Tackle for the San Francisco 49ers, Joe Staley. Desperate for some offensive line help the 49ers traded up to the #28 spot to acquire Staley giving up both their 2008 Draft Pick and a 110th pick of the 2007 draft. A simple middle of the 4th round selection or so they probably thought. The Pats quickly parlayed the 110th pick into acquiring Randy Moss and the rest is history.

So Mr. Staley I hope you have a wonderful career, but you've got a lot to live up to if you want to be close to equal the value of Randy Moss and whomever the Patriots draft with the pitiful 49ers draft choice.

*Credit goes to my buddy Pete for this idea

Note*: The 49ers do have a first round pick this season, acquiring Colts selection in a 2007 Draft Day Trade.

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Oregon Ducks vs. Arizona Wildcats

When you think of these two teams the last few seasons you think Arizona was at the bottom of the conference and Oregon was somewhere in the upper middle or a notch below Cal and USC. So when looking at their past matchups you would think that there have been a few years gone by since last Arizona defeated the Ducks. If you made that assumption, you would be wrong. The Wildcats defeated the Ducks last year on the road. And with Mike Stoops getting a vote of confidence coming into this game this upset wouldn't be nearly as stunning as those prior this season.

3º of Loss Separation : Arizona beat UCLA beat Cal beat Oregon

A much simpler degrees than the LSU Ole Miss Separation. The Wildcats last week raced to a 34-14 lead over UCLA and managed to hold on for a 34-27 victory. A few weeks prior the Bruins had their largest high beating Cal 30-21 at home. And as everybody knows Cal snuck out of Eugene with a 7 point victory after the fumble for a touchback against Oregon.

Final Outcome: Arizona 31 Oregon 24

In this crazy season would anybody be that surprised if the Wildcats pulled off an upset tomorrow night? The Wildcats are coming off back to back wins and prior to that suffered a 1 point loss so their playing their best ball of the season. So when they knock off the Ducks tomorrow night it will leave the door wide open for the Big 12 champ.

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Louisiana State Tigers vs. Ole Miss Runnin Rebels

This SEC West matchup in recent history has been a one sided affair in the Win Loss column with LSU winning the last 5 matchups having last loss to Ole Miss in 2001 when they were quarterbacked by one Eli Manning. While the Win Losses have been one sided the recent game history has not been. In those 5 wins by LSU only one was by a margin larger than a field goal. The Rebs have been hanging tight every year, perhaps this will be the year they get over the hump.

11º of Loss Separation : Ole Miss beat Memphis beat Southern Miss beat East Carolina beat UNC beat Miami beat FSU beat Alabama beat Arkansas beat South Carolina beat Kentucky beat LSU

Jumped it up an additional notch for this ludicrous degrees of loss separation. Ole Miss started off the season with a sneak away victory against Memphis 23-21. Memphis last week were able to barely knock off Southern Miss who had previously taken out the Pirates of East Carolina. East Carolina somehow this season knocked off 'rival' UNC who shocked the wildly inconsistent Hurricanes. The inconsistent Hurricanes once again knocked off the Seminoles this season who just before went in and rolled the Crimson Tide. The Tide behind Major Applewhite's playing calling dismantled the Razorback D who weeks later had a field day running the ball on the Gamecocks. The very same Gamecocks were amidst their best weeks when they knocked off the Kentucky Wildcats who followed up that loss with the shocking Triple Overtime victory over the #1 LSU Tigers.

Final Outcome: Ole Miss 34 LSU 28

In a year of massive upsets, where would a Runnin Rebels victory over #1 LSU rank? The Rebs sit at 3-7 overall this season but 0-6 within the conference. The Rebs have been close to a few victories thus far this season including the game at home against the Gators. But nonetheless a victory for Ole Miss ruining LSU's shot at the title would rank up there with the Stanford and App St. victories.

Wow You Guys Suck: Baltimore & Oakland & San Fran & Minny's Offenses, Out of these 4 teams on 13 points were put on the board. A combination of miserable play calling, quarterback play, injured Purple Jesus... Just all around crap from these teams. These squads make the game of football as ugly to watch as the WNBA. Runners Up: San Diego Chargers sure they won but they were a 29 yard field goal away from losing a game in which they had 6 INTs and two kick returns overly pathetic, the Dolphins for being the lone winless squad, Grrr Al Harris.

Cough Cough Cough: Adam Vinatieri, Adam easily could be considered one of the best kickers of all time due to his playoff heroics. But with those moments come expectations, and when you blow a potential game winning 29 yard kick you deserve to get stomped by the media. Runners Up: The Saints have an 0-8 team in their building and they can't get it done, Peyton Manning threw 6 friggin picks.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Rod Marinelli, For the past few weeks Detroit has molded itself into more of a run smash mouth team than a Kitna bombs the ball 45 times a game team. This week against the Cardinals they had a total of 8 rushing attempts. 8. That's not smash mouth. In those 8 attempts, they had one 15 yard loss and Kevin Jones had -4 yards on 4 carries. Overall they rushed for -18 yards on 8 carries. Runners Up: Tony Dungy taking stupid timeouts down the stretch, Eli Manning for Quarterbacking 3 false starts.

The Shocker: St. Louis Rams, I didn't really think they were an 0-8 team. They have a ton of weapons on offense when healthy and can score on turf. But they really laid the hammer down on the Saints this weekend. The final score does not tell the story of just how badly the Rams beat the Saints. Runners Up: Peyton Manning and 6 ints in the same sentence is weird, Atlanta has 3 wins or 2 more than the Jets.

The Pimp: Three Day Old Cheesburger, Big Ben in the second half on sunday pretty much strapped the squad on his back and said we are winning this football game. The 30 yard run was huge, the other first down run was big time, and he hit his receivers when he needed to. An all around big performance for the Cheeseburger. Runners Up: Shayno had 7 field goals for the Bungals, Darren Sproles & Antonio Cromartie won the game for the Chargers.

You Got JAKKED UP: Adrian Peterson's Knee Ligament, Sure it wasn't that big of a hit, but tell that to Peterson's Knee Ligament.

My Fantasy Anti-MVP: My Brain, The Dolphins suck, Jay Cutler is injured and could be a little worse than normal, the Dolphins really suck, I should play JP Losman instead of Cutler... I lost by a point... F*ck me.

New York Jets MVP: Wooooo Bye Week, We can't lose on a bye we can't lose on a bye hooray for no depression this weekend.

My Picks

My Picks: 7-7
Preseason Picks: 8-6
Picks Vs. Spread: 4-10

Vomitting....

So this is Taylor Twellman of the New England Revolution, and this bicycle kick sent the Foxboro squad into the MLS finals, so yet another god damn team from Boston will be playing for an American Championship. Seriously, what the f*ck. Atleast BC has been grounded.

Remember this is all about Quality Wins and Bad Losses so if you lose to a top ranked team its not going to kill you, if you lose to Appalachian St. in the opener it will haunt you the entire season. This season is just a big clusterf*ck, who the hell knows where these teams should be ranked and who exactly is the best of the bunch.

1. Louisiana State - LaTech, what a big out of conference showdown for the Tigers. Really nothing stands in their way of a BCS Title birth after the Buckeye loss than the SEC title game, which almost certainly will not be a rematch with the Gators. For which I think they are grateful. Quality Wins: VaTech, South Carolina, Florida, Auburn, @Alabama

2. Oregon - The bye week was very very exciting for the Ducks. With the Buckeyes loss to the Juice they are now slotted into the second spot and with a relatively easy schedule left they should be able to run the table so all that is standing between them and Louisiana is a Big 12 team having a very impressive finish. Quality Wins: @Michigan, USC, Arizona St., Houston

3. Oklahoma - That Miami win certainly doesn't count for anything anymore. However, the Missouri win keeps looking better and better after they cruise to win after win. Quality Wins: Texas(n), Missouri, A&M Bad Loss: Colorado

4. Georgia - The Bulldogs probably wish Knowshawn surfaced a bit earlier in the season when they lost to the GameCocks at home. If they had pulled that game off they would seriously be in contention for a BCS birth. Now they sit back and have to hope that Tennessee loses another game just so they can play in the SEC Title game.Quality Wins: (n)Florida, @Bama, Troy, Auburn

5. Missouri - I honestly think Missouri might have the better opportunity to reach the title game than the Sooners. Mizzou has a better out of conference win, especially after the Fighting Zookers win in the Horseshoe. They have a more acceptable loss and if they run the table will have avenged that loss on a neutral field and have a win against probably a 1 loss Kansas team. If they run the table they might deserve to jump over Oregon or LSU. Quality Wins: @Illinois, Texas Tech, A&M

6. Ohio St. - Losing to Illinois certainly puts a major damper on their season, and the Big 10 does suck, but Illinois is a good team. They've shown it all season, the Buckeyes just couldn't get it done. A win against Michigan means the Rose Bowl and with a lot of luck falling their way could somehow someway still result in a title game. Those chances are very slim however. Quality Wins: Purdon't, @Penn St., Wisconsin

7. Virginia Tech - The Hokies gave a little scare for awhile against the Seminoles and then all of a sudden destroyed them. The win over Clemson looks favorable as the Tigers since that game have pounded all comers. Quality Wins: @Clemson, FSU

8. Florida - The fact that the Gators have lost three games this season still stuns me. Their offense is all but unstoppable despite not having a superb running back. Quality Wins: Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky, South Carolina

9. Boston College - The loss to the Terps despite being on the road is a bad one and in reality BC was just highly overrated. However, you have to give them the credit they deserve for pulling out that miracle win over the Hokies. But I fully expect Clemson to beat them up this week and knock them from these here rankings. Quality Wins: Wake Forest, @VT Bad Loss: Maryland

10. Arizona St. - The Sun Devils haven't done anything extra exciting this year but with a home matchup against against USC on thanksgiving they'll atleast have one potential big time win this season. Quality Wins: Cal, Oregon St.

11. Kansas - Kansas keeps on winning and yet I am moving them down in the rankings. Why is this? The teams they have beaten are absolutely pathetic. A&M is their best win? They suck, I'm struggling to even put that as a quality win. Mizzou and Oklahoma if they win those games however will vault them into the top 2. Quality Wins: @A&M

Dropped Out: Nobody plummeted all the way out.

Noticeable Absences: West Virginia's best win is at Rutgers which is borderline at this point if they beat Cincy this week they will jump into the mix.

Previous Weeks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

(n) = neutral field

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my intense dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track the inept deadbeat in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch.

Celtics 119 Nuggets 93: +5
In 15 minutes of action Scals once again didn't do anything that poorly. He knocked down a triple and garnered 4 assists. One thing of note is that in a 26 point blowout victory it's almost impossible to have a negative +/-.

Game Stats: 15 Minutes, 2-3, 5 Points, 3 Rebounds, 4 Assists

Celtics 106 Hawks 83: +7
Scalabrine essentially walked onto the court for 18 minutes on Friday night and accomplished just about nothing other than getting knocked the f*ck out and suffering a concussion. Once again the 23 point blow out win means everyone on the roster ends up in the positives.

Game Stats: 18 Minutes, 0-0, 0 Points, 3 Rebounds, 1 Assist

Celtics 112 Nets 101: DNP
Scals was still recouping from what probably wasn't a fun concussion. I'm not going to hate on the guy for getting knocked out and not playing the next day. In essence he was just helping the team by giving his minutes to a better player for that we should all be grateful.

Overall Week Performance: +12
Scals had a decent opening week when it comes to +/- which is annoying to me. Eventually you would have to think that he is going to begin to start playing poorly and start bring them down atleast a little bit.

Week Stats: 33 Minutes, 2-3, 5 Points, 5 Rebounds, 5 Assists, 2 TOs

Overall Season Performance: +32
The Celtics are the only undefeated team in the NBA and thus despite being horrible at the game of basketball, by association with good players your rating goes up a bit.

Season Stats:17.5 MPG, .400 FG%, 3.5 PPG, 3 RPG, 1.5 APG

We'll do this post in question and answer form.

Why do I personally believe the Red Sox will be better next season?

The Red Sox, if they sign Lowell, will bring back almost the entirety of their roster so what could make this team better or worse really? Simply put the development of some key prospects that were showing signs during the last two months as well as playoffs. Jacoby Ellsbury during the World Series and playoffs in general flashed abilities which are perfect for the leadoff role. He has lightning quickness, has the ability to hit for terrific average, is clutch and has a general knack to be disruptive. Oh and he hit .438 in the World Series. Jon Lester fought back from cancer this year had a mediocre regular season but in the postseason he stepped up with a big relief outing and a solid start in the World Series. He is a young left hander with terrific stuff and could easily evolve into a #2 or #3 starter for the Sox. Meanwhile Clay Buchholz was slightly babied the final months for the Red Sox but in just 4 games pitched in the big leagues he had a 1.59 ERA and pitched a f*cking no hitter. You don't pitch a no hitter in your first month as a big leaguer unless you have serious talent.

All of these three players should develop next year, contribute the entire season and make the Red Sox that much of a better team in addition to some further development of Dice-K and the rookie of the year Pedroia.

What did Steve Phillips say that was that Dumb?

On Mike and Mike in the morning this morning Phillips stated that he could see the Red Sox trading Lester, Buchholz and Ellsbury for Johan Santana. I understand that Johan Santana is arguably the best pitcher in baseball however giving up three cheap highly talented and potential stars for Santana would seem to me personally to be way too much of a price. And then he offered up an additionally doozie...

He said that of course teams will agree to a trade but first negotiate with Johan to see if they could come to a long term agreement given that he is a free agent after the coming season. He also stated that he thought it might be worth it for a club to go through with the deal even if they didn't get a long term agreement done in the hopes that he would play a full season like the atmosphere and want to stay.

So in essence Steve Phillips stated in a round about way that he if he were the GM of the Boston Red Sox would atleast contemplate trading three top flight prospects, one of which could be an all star centerfielder, one of whom already has a No-Hitter in 3 starts and the other who just pitched 5.2 scoreless innings in the deciding game of the World Series for a 1 year player with whom they may not be able to sign. As a Yankee fan I'm begging Theo Epstein to listen to this wonderful advice and trade away these three stud prospects for Johan, cause it's not like their rookies helped pave the way for them this year or anything.

Stupid defender makes like he's going to get kicked in the face and doesn't block the ball with his face. What a little bitch.

1. Wooo playing Notre Dame this year is super fun.
2. Service Academies 2, Notre Dame Zero
3. Damn Notre Dame is lucky they left Army off the schedule this season.





1. Ron Zook does not take baths.
2. Illinois actually can't afford gatorade and their bath jugs contain water.
3. Hence when they attempted to poor water on Ron Zook he disappeared.



1. See that sideline reporter back there, she wants the Zooker.
2. Boning Bonnie Bernstein, that's what this game should be called.
3. Look at that stupid ass hat, what the hell is Bonnie thinking, she's gonna need to take that off if she expects my A game.




1. Wait so you are rushing the field? Double negatives are not cool man.
2. Either way you know your facing UVA, a win over UVA is not really deserved of a rush the field.
3. Did you still rush the field after the 48-0 loss?








1. Confetti is the absolute best way to celebrate a 48 point loss.
2. Where's that chump that used the double negative I'm gonna drill him.
3. We were confused, we thought we had one more game at the Orange Bowl and that FIU was playing tonight and we were playing later, I guess we were wrong.



1. RIP Miami Hurricanes 1980 - 2005
2. The Hurricane Pride dies tonight.
3. My T-shirt is from the hurricanes 1969 season, it smells of Mary Jane.









1. Big Turtle looks over ready to eat all oncoming enemies.
2. Big Turtle does not like little golden eagle.
3. Big Turtle > Matty Ice









1. FraudConn is finally brought down from their fake perch.
2. FraudConn is dropped from #13th in the country to completely out of the polls.
3. High Kick.







1. We at UCLA vow to take Rudy Carpenter's head off on this play.
2. This is my best impression of the frog splash off of the top rope.
3. Rudy move your head a little bit to the left.






1. I heard the buffet line is over that way.
2. My bonus for winning the Big 12 title is my very own Big Boy restaurant in Lawrence.
3. I got this valor suit down the road at the local Big and Tall Store, after I ate 4 cheeseburgers.

Happy Veteran's Day all. I have no idea why, but Corporation decided that they wanted to give us this day off despite the fact that we haven't in the past two years. I'm certainly not complaining. Anyway, the posts might not be coming today...

Thank You Fighting Zookers for saving the nation from another National Title game with the Buckeyes involved. We are all grateful...

And I Love Juice

Just when I thought Boston fans couldn't get any more annoying their De Facto spokesperson, Bill Simmons makes my hatred boil deeper. In this weeks version of his NFL picks, instead of giving any analysis of last weeks action or this weeks action, he decided to spend the entire 3,500+ word post on bitching about the officiating in the Patriot win. Needless to say it was f*cking annoying and eventually came off as I'm a New England Patriot fan so I can bitch and moan after wins and have the right to act like a complete douche cause my team is better than yours. I would elaborate on this more and may on monday, but right now it's 4:11 and I'm already 11 minutes late on leaving work an hour early so I'll just leave you the most ludicrous of his words:

"We haven't seen homefield advantage work that well since Hitler invaded Russia."

Correction Bill, Russia defeated Hitler the Colts did not defeat the Pats...

Once again a Quick Hitters Version. Each # is associated to a person, place or thing. The entire Rebus is set under a given theme. Post the answers in the comments for both each entry and the theme. Have at it.

So I’m sitting there peacefully watching TV on Monday night, when I receive the following IM from my buddy Hank: “Turn on Raw right now, Stone Cold is about to stun someone.” Or something like that. Now, slightly pathetically, this got me about as excited as any IM possibly could have, with the exception of anything from JsImPsOn69. Stone Cold was the main reason I watched wrestling for as long as I did, him and the sweet ass of Fabulous Moolah of course, God rest her soul. To hear that he was back would be like hearing that Tom Brady was coming out of retirement 20 years from now to lead the Pats back to glory.

So of course I changed the channel to Raw, and proceeded to watch Austin lay down a textbook stunner, go backstage and drive a Budweiser truck down to the ring, pull a fire hose out of the truck, and hose down not only the chump that he stunned, but the impossibly hot broad that was with said chump. All the while Hank and I were exchanging IMs like a couple of 12 year old school girls. Austin then proceeded to pull his classic, “Get two Buds tossed to him, open them, smash them together and pour the remains all over himself,” routine about 16 times, including on top of the truck. Not to mention the fact that they kept playing his music the entire time. If you don’t get goose bumps every time the glass shatters at the beginning of Stone Cold Steve Austin’s music, you may want to go to the doctor and make sure you’re alive.

I haven’t watched wrestling in a long time, but I’ll be damned if I’m missing a second of The Rattlesnake.

Also, mucho props to Simon for plugging my marathon adventure, and for the downright hilarious pic of a running bear that he managed to find. It is now the official photo on my fundraising website.

Screw Mediocre, I'm aiming for piss poor.

5. Minnesota Vikings (+6 1/2) at Green Bay Packers
I've got my giant Purple Jesus blinders on right now. Sure the Packers defense is good, sure they stop the run typically, but its Adrian Peterson. He's going to keep his sorry teammates in the game and they should stick within a touchdown at the end.

4. Tennessee Titans (-4 1/2) vs. Jacksonville Jaguars
At the beginning of the season the Jaguars looked like they could potentially challenge for the AFC South crown. And then their mediocre quarterback got injured and they are stuck with Quinn Gray a below mediocre quarterback. The Titans aren't at all flashy but they should win this game by a relatively comfortable margin.

3. Indianapolis Colts (-3 1/2) at San Diego Chargers
Sure the Colts could be set up for a let down game, but did you watch any of the Charger game last week? Their defense was pathetic against the run. And while Addai isn't Purple Jesus Brooks Bollinger is no Peyton Manning. The Colts should bounce back in impressive fashion.

2. Cincinnati Bengals (+5 1/2) vs. Baltimore Ravens
I'll admit it, I'm a stupid sucker for the Bengals. Every week I think they will perform and they fall short (except against the Jets of course). But the Ravens aren't any good either and a 5 1/2 point spread seems a bit too much for a team that's lucky to score 13 points in a game.

1. Detroit Lions(+1 1/2) at Arizona Cardinals
This spread is made out so that people take the Lions. Well I'm taking the bait. The Cardinals stink. Their offensive line once again disappoints, Kurt Warner is washed up and the Lions are just better all around.

Survivor League Pick: Death to Norv Chargers

Going to go with the Steelers who I surprisingly haven't selected yet this season. The Browns are playing well this season, but they aren't going to head into Pittsburgh and beat the Steelers.

Non-Spread Picks

Can I put my money on Bud Dry right now? I can put up a few grand on that matchup I need to fund my retirement.

A lot of sneaky this week. Sneaky blow jobs and sneaky stabbings. And a bit of whining and horrible coaching. 1. Dejon Bivens -In High School I would have joined the Tennis Team if it didn't conflict with the baseball season. Sure some of the kids on the team were a bit fruity, but I enjoy playing tennis and if I practiced I probably would have been pretty good at it, but after hearing about this story I think it's best that there was a conflict. I can't even express how disturbing I felt reading this post, nevermind if you were the unsuspecting teammate waking up to a blow job looking down and seeing that it was your teammate. That's f*cked up. 2. 17 Year Old Blake High Athlete - Good Game, Good Game Good Game, Slice, Slice, Slice. How do you go about choosing which kids you are going to cut when you are in the handshake line. It's too bad this kid is a minor cause his name should really be out there. 17 or 18 what's really the difference? Either way let's hope that this kid gets his ass beat at some point in time real soon. 3. Don Shula - Whine Whine Whine Whine Whine. I think that's all that was coming out of elderly Don's mouth this weekend. He just seems like an old bitter man right now. He bitched and moaned last year when his son got canned at Alabama and now he obviously wants an asterisk whether he comes out and says it or not. 4. Billie Gillespie - What an excellent way to start your run as coach of one of the most historic college basketball programs of all time, getting absolutely smoked by a college that most people probably have never heard of. Hell can you even name a team that's in the Atlantic Sun conference? That's highly doubtful, I don't even know what states that conference generally covers. So when you lose, and by a lot, to a team like that you might want to purchase all the firegillespie.com sites. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Scott Boras

Opinion Polls & Market Research

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies' time.

Videos, in order, courtesy of Grand National Champs, Fanhouse, With Leather, Deadspin, EC, The Wizard of Odds, The Offside, Ballhype, The Offside Rules, 700 Level, Hot Clicks, Fan House Again


Buy the T-Shirt...


KG I guess is the coach too, that explains the record.


CBS says the Colts weren't cheating and it's their fault. They are probably liars.


Apparently Jeff Van Gundy has been sniffing highlighters recently.


Ouch, Ouch, Ouch. Apparently this kid will be suting it up for some SEC school next year.


You're going to need a very big clock to count down the seconds until the Spartans next win over the Wolverines.


The Best Tackle in the history of the universe.


Baron's been watching too much soccer.


If only the Jets could employ extra fan defenders.


Ya he's the one with the Coke bags falling out of his pockets...


Screw the bed I need a hidden Giant Screen for my Cube.


Tom Brady doesn't understand that throwing for your 5th td pass up 50 points is a big deal. He just wants to get better. Um ok.

~Papa Bear is running a marathon for charity in April so get your asses to this website and donate some money for Blood Cancer. He's running the Country Music Marathon in Nashville which I could only imagine makes you run faster since you will want to get the hell off the course as quickly as possible to avoid the brain damage which results from 4 hours of listening to country music. Not quite sure why he didn't target the ole Boston Marathon, but maybe on completion they give you a handle or two of Whiskey.

~I don't understand why Scalabrine has fans. I start the Scalabrine Watch and there are people that post comments directing to a Worship site? A worship site are you serious? You people have severe mental disorder. He's miserable at basketball, and why the hell would you worship him, I'd get an appointment at your local psychologist really soon. Anyway the Scalabrine Watch is here to stay, but he for the third straight game put up a + and not a - because the Celtics are beating teams by 30 points. KG had a +33 last night which is ridiculous.

~The Phillies traded for Brad Lidge yesterday which seems like a good idea. Get a closer and move the Ace of your staff back into your meager rotation. Myers was questionably moved into the bullpen last year and it was evident when they got bombed in their playoff series that they need some starting pitching. In other news, I don't get the Astros. Are they trying to get worse every offseason? Last year the Jason Jennings move didn't make much sense and they got much worse. This deal doesn't make that much sense either. Michale Bourn is lightning fast and may be a leadoff hitter in the making, but personally I don't think he's that good.

~Kentucky losing to Gardner-Webb was apparently more pathetic than the Wolverines losing to Appalachian St. this year. Either way both are piss poor and speak to these Universities scheduling shitty out of conference games. This loss should appropriately kill Kentucky's ranking.

~The Heat suck without D Wade. And that is a surprise to no one.

~I didn't touch on this from last week but David Wright is not a Gold Glove fielder. His winning was complete nonsense. And John McDonald not winning a Gold Glove at SS for the Blue Jays was equally crap.

~Apparently Dennis Dixon's lone class this semester is Billiards. Come on Dennis step it up and take something more challenging, like Bowling.

While listening to Mike and Mike they started discussing Purple Jesus and just how much money he's making everybody. When discussing Fantasy purposes they brought up Darren Rovelle's article in which he states that by Fantasy Experts estimation Peterson is making people around the globe 600 million dollars. How do you come across such a guess-timate? The so called expert says he believes 40% of the Fantasy Owners of Peterson will win their leagues, meaning that 600 million of the total 1.5 billion dollar industry will go to the owners of Peterson.

I would just like to say that as of today I would represent $900 of the 900 million not going to owners of Peterson or 1/1,000,000 of the estimated total of Peterson losses. Why? Because I own Peterson in both of my leagues. One of which I have put up the most points in the league, yet sit at a meager 5-4. The other I sit at 3-6 after experiencing way too much Fantasy Boning. So thanks Adrian for being really good but unfortunately your Purple Jesus powers could not overcome bad luck, Frank Gore and LJ injuries, and general ineptitude by other draft picks.

Perusing ESPN's website I came across Report: G'town's Mescheriakov to miss 10 games. Immediately I thought to myself, Mescheriakov, that doesn't sound like a Georgetown hoopster. Than I opened up the article and saw that the first name was Nikita and naturally thought "well it ends in an A so it must be the Georgetown woman's team. I didn't know the Hoyas Woman's team was relevant."

Well I guess I was wrong. Nikita Mescheriakov is in fact male, he is in fact white and he is in fact a part of the Georgetown Hoyas Mens Basketball team. He was suspended for 10 games after he apparently suited up for a Professional squad in his native Belarus and will miss the tough season opener against William & Mary on saturday.

So the 07-08 Georgetown Hoyas will have a White European who is supposed to get decent minutes when he is active. I really have no idea what that's going to look like come Tournament time, it just seems odd to me. Could you honestly picture Big John, Patrick Ewing, AI, Dikembe Mutombo, Zo or anyone other Hoya for that matter conversing with a White kid from Belarus on the Hoya bench?

As most of you know, if you've read any College Football post this season, despite the fact that I've lived my whole life in Connecticut, I am not a fan of the UConn Huskies. For the most part I can't stand them. I'm not 100% why I'm like this, part dave been ue to the Michigan fanhood, part due to the fact that many UConn fans are similar to Red Sox and Pats fans in obnoxiousness, part due to the fact Jim Calhoun is a douche, part due to going to a summer camp there and realizing that the campus was so far away from civilization it might as well have been in Central Maine. Whatever it was I've grown from mostly neutral as a young child to a moderate dislike at the elderly age of 24.

But throughout this period my dislike has been focused on the basketball with me never paying much attention to the football program at all, despite my High School QB starting their for 4 years. So why exactly do I want them to lose so bad in Football right now? Partly I don't want to deal with the many kids I grew up with that went to UConn and are somewhat delusional in thinking that their team is actually good. Part of it is a desire for them to get what they deserve which is two more losses after they were handed both the Louisville game and the Temple game. They lost to Temple why is this not reflected in the rankings? Why didn't the Big East Officials just change the results of the game. It was the final play. So this week I hope they fall to the Bearcats and I will continue to hope for failure.

In Further News The BBall Team's New Unis Suck and So Do They

On the right there is Marcus Williams former Point Guard for UConn, whom I honestly liked when he played for the Huskies. Perhaps it was the laptop stealing, or the general way he played the point guard position, or his abilities as the clutch player on their roster. Ok back on track here, he's wearing what has been the Uconn jersey for awhile, the White top and White shorts with UConn and some red and blue outlines that add some nice color to the jersey.

On the left there is some guy I have no idea who he is, he probably isn't that good. He's wearing the new UConn jersey which is both boring and hideous. They've eliminated most of the additional color and have replaced it with one of those stupid traces which links the shorts and the top together and creates some sort of stupid box from your chest to your knees. It just looks dumb. Perhaps the change was needed after their deliciously miserable 06-07 season in which they failed to make even the NIT tournament. If last nights squeak out was any indication they might be up for the repeat performance.

5. FraudConn Huskies at Cincinnati Bearcats
Ok so I continue to be wrong about FraudConn and they continue to win week after week, I don't understand it. The Bearcats have some skill on their roster and have beaten some solid teams so far this season, so maybe just maybe they can end all this discussion of FraudConn being good. The Pick: I said I was going to pick them to lose every week until I was right.

4.Illinois Fighting Zookers at Ohio State Buckeyes
Two more games before the 50+ day layoff and the National Championship game. Up first for the Buckeyes are the fighting Zookers who somehow have managed to sneak into the top 3 in the Big 10. Hopefully the Zookers can stay in the game for awhile and perhaps challenge for the victory but I can't see the W happening. The Pick: Buckeyes pull away late much like last week.

3. Auburn Tigers at Georgia Bulldogs
LSU doesn't need to prove much more to justify them being the 2nd ranked team nationally, however facing a 2-loss Georgia in the SEC Championship game would be a nice way to top off the season. If Auburn was to pull the mild upset than that could pave the way for UT or the Gators to sneak into the title game instead. The Pick: UGA pulls out a close victory.

2. Louisville Cardinals at West Virginia Mountaineers
At the beginning of the season I, like the rest of the country, thought that this was going to be one of the biggest games of the season and then midway through everyone realized that Louisville had no defense. Louisville has bounced back in recent weeks with wins over Cincy and Pitt and Uconn (they won that game). So perhaps the Cardinals can give the Mountaineers a run for their money tonight. The Pick: Mountaineers because the Cardinals have no defense.

1. Kansas Jayhawks at Oklahoma State Cowboys
Why is this the biggest matchup of the weekend? Well mostly because nothing extraordinary is going on and partially because the Mangino's have another tester at their hands. The Cowboys have been an up and down team thus far this season but have showed the ability to beat good teams. Mangino better have quickly grabbed his players focus off their manslaughter of Nebraska and onto OSU if they want to win this weekend. The Pick: After Mangino Eats 4 Cheeseburgers in a post game celebration he is all focus.

My apologies for the general scarcity of posts thus far this week, the real job is bringing me down with daily meetings and actual stuff to do so I don't get fired. Very annoying...

When a typical person heads to the barber they have a generic idea of what they want. I'm just curious how anyone would have the idea of turning their hair into a flame display. No team (Russell Westbrook). I've never heard of him before so how en fuego could he possibly be. Personally I think it looks dumb and isn't that cool unlike Ronny Ron and Petway last year who looked dumb but atleast the designs were moderately cool. I wonder how much extra he had to pay for this, hopefully not much.

Additionally when did the C in the UCLA jersey become yellow. Is it just me or does that look remarkably stupid. Obviously it's not that important I just don't really get why they would change from the classic look and really don't identify with the golden 'C'alifornia.

Courtesy of S2N

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Penn St. Nittany Lions vs. Temple Owls

This instate 'rivalry' has been sporadically played throughout the teams histories. The matchup is usually one to pad Penn St.'s win total even in down years. In 1979 in one of Temple's best seasons, when they finished 10-2, on of these loss came to the Nittany Lions. Temple's largest crowd for a game they played in came last season when they were pounded 47-0 at Beaver Stadium.

8º of Loss Separation : Temple beat Miami (OH) beat Syracuse beat Louisville beat NC State beat Wofford beat Appalachian St. beat Michigan beat Penn St.

The largest degrees of loss separation thus far. This was all made possible by two stunning upsets this season, the Michigan crap show against Appalachian St. and the Syracuse stunner over Louisville. Every other game is not out of the ordinary with Temple not being completely miserable this season and beating Miami, Syracuse being terrible and losing to Miami, Louisville showing up and beating NC State, NC State beating a D-1AA team, App St. losing to a big time rival in Wofford, and finally Michigan beating Penn St. for the 9th straight time. No real surprises there.

Final Outcome: Temple 29 Penn St. 20

The Temple Owls have beaten a top 15 team already this season, but were not given credit for it when they scored a touchdown on the final play of the game against FraudConn. Well after this weekend the Owls via the Degrees of Loss Separation will garner a victory over a Top 25 football team with no ref there to steal it away.

This little guy was just practicing his off the field run in with the law for when he makes the Bengals roster in 2022.

This little girl needs to learn her bowling manners, you wait until the other person is finished on their lane before you roll.

Apparently College Basketball started last night. So time for another bad set of predictions.

Conferences I Don't Care About Winners

America East: Vermont, their back with more white guys then ever.
Atlantic Sun: Belmont, I love Belmont this year real sleeper.
Big Sky: Montana, The Grizz pound through the Sky.
Big South: Coastal Carolina, Chanticleers fight for Myrtle Beach pride.
Big West: Pacific, A Lock.
Colonial:UNC Wilmington, This conference is weirdly spread out.
Horizon: Butler, With the Bounce back to the Tourny.
Ivy League: Penn, It's always the Quakers.
Metro Atlantic: Marist, the Foxes do Rick Smitts proud.
Mid-American: Akron, Zips move onto the NCAA for first time in memory.
Mid Continent: IUPUI, Too many Vowels to contain.
Mid-Eastern: Coppin St., Should be the Copperheads.
Missouri Valley: Southern Illinois, Saluki power.
Mountain West: UNLV, The Rebels are back.
Northeast: CCSU, Connecticut homer.
Ohio Valley: Samford, And Sons.
Patriot League: Holy Cross, Worcester Homer.
Southern: Davidson, Have a buddy named Davidson, big fella.
Southland: Stephen F. Austin, Stonecold.
Southwestern: Southern, Aptly named.
Sun Belt: Louisiana Lafayette, cause their Ragin Cajuns.
West Coast: Gonzaga, Oooh tough one.
WAC: Utah St., Gotta have something to watch in Utah.

*Just in case you were curious if this looks familiar, well it does, I didn't change a damn thing from last year with those picks. And I don't care and you probably don't either.

Important Conference Winners

Technically the winner in each of these conferences are their respective tournament victors. However this is meant to be a pick of whom will win the regular season as the Tourny is more of a crapshoot than a full seasons worth of conference games.

ACC Winner: North Carolina, UNC is the current #1 team in the league with arguably the best player in America and clearly I was not going to go with Duke.

Atlantic 10 Winner: Xavier, the only real reason I care about this conference anymore is because I still reside in the Northeast, else wise it has fallen further away from the Power conference. Give it to Xavier cause they typically take home the crown.

Big East Winner: Georgetown, Picked the Hoyas last year and am going to hold steady on that pick. They have the size they have the athleticism to once again challenge for the Big East crown.

Big 10 Winner: Indiana, Kelvim has to limit the amount of text messages he can send recruits so perhaps that will spare him more time to coach the players currently on his roster.

Big 12 Winner: Kansas, the Jaywahks could pull the double if their cheeseburger eating head football coach can somehow pull off a few clutch upsets down the stretch. Their basketball team should be a decent sized favorite to win the Big 12.

Conference USA Winner: Memphis,No one in the Con USA is very good consistently other than Memphis and the Tigers continue to roll the competetion year in and year out.

Pac 10 Winner: UCLA, the Bruins keep on winning the Pac 10 with their painful and boring to watch Ben Howland defense. It doesn't help that Lute is taking a leave of absence with the Wildcats.

SEC Winner: Arkansas, the Razorbacks the past few seasons have shown spurts of being the best team in the SEC but typically fold at some point or another. This year could be the year they hold it together.

First Team All-America

G Brandon Rush - Helps Jayhawks to Big 12 title.
G OJ Mayo - Channels the Juice.
F Chase Budinger - I had to pick the Goofy looking white guy in the Pac 10.
F Tyler Hansbrough - Pretty much a consensus All-American.
C Roy Hibbert - Too tall for anyone to stop in the low block.

Seasonal Awards

Freshman of the Year: OJ Mayo, I already told you he's channeling the Trojan Juice Forces what more do you need.

Player of the Year: Tyler Hansbrough, I went with him last year and missed out on the Durant pick. This year Mayo won't be as good and thus Hansbrough should walk away with the crown.

Coach on the Hotseat: Coach K, Well obviously not really. But maybe he should start refocusing on recruiting and winning college basketball games then coaching the Olympic squad.

Coach of the Year: John Pelphrey, Who? The coach for Arkansas. I picked them to win the SEC, if they do surely this guy will win the award.

Sleeper Squad to Make Tourny: Penn St., they typically get trounced each year in the Big 10 but luckily for them the conference is poor this season and maybe just maybe they could sneak out enough Ws to play a sole game of importance in March.

Final Four

Kansas - The Jayhawks once again return a dynamite squad who should actually show up come this March.
Memphis - One of these years Memphis is going to take their superb talent back to the Final 4.
North Carolina - Jump on the big white guys back and you'll make it to the promise land.
Georgetown - Jump on the big black guys back and you'll make it to the promise land.

National Champion: Memphis Tigers

Why Memphis? Cause they already are 1-0 that's why. They currently have the best record in the country and at this pace will run the table. Anyway, it's about time this team makes some noise in the tournament, every year they are on the brink this time Calipari gets it done.

Wow You Guys Suck: West Coast Teams, Looks like another year of crappy NFC West teams. The Seahawks sit atop the division with a 4-4 record after losing in OT to the Browns. Meanwhile the 49ers couldn't beat the inept Falcons. The Cardinals for the most part no showed against the Bucs and the Rams are 0 for the season. Additionally the AFC West stinks with the Chargers and Chiefs atop the division at 4-4 and the Broncos getting pummeled this weekend and the Raiders continuing to suck. Runners Up: The Bengals are 2-6 and can call 2007 quits, as can the Eagles who at 3-5 will not have another remarkable come back this season.

Cough Cough Cough: Alex Smith, You get a little slack when you come back from injury but 4 turnovers against the Atlanta Falcons is completely piss poor. Runners Up: The Jets gave away a nice 14 point lead, Colts had that nice 10 point lead and couldn't hang on.

This Scarecrow Needs a Brain: Norv Turner, Certainly you could blame the players execution or credit the Vikings offensive line and Purple Jesus but the coach has to get a significant amount of blame for giving up 300 yards to a running back on a team who has absolutely no threat of a passing attack. Runners Up: Andy Reid needs to take some time off, Mike Holmgren with 54 seconds left at the Cleveland 31 calls multiple run plays.

The Shocker: Detroit Lions, I thought they would win the game, mostly because I don't think the Broncos are very good, but 44-7 that isn't even a contest. And now the Lions are 6-2? Runners Up: Buffalo defeating the Bengals and going 4-4 is something I don't quite understand, Minnesota pummeling San Diego in the 2nd half.

The Pimp: Purple Jesus, No one apparently can stop Purple Jesus. Not opposing defenses not his inept QB rotation of Holcomb, Jackson and Bollinger. Nobody takes down Adrian Peterson. Runners Up: Three Day Old Cheeseburger but up 5 tds in the first half, James Harrison had 3.5 sacks 2 Forced Fumbles 1 Fumble Recovery and 1 INT not a bad day of work.

You Got JAKKED UP: Ed Reed, He may want to reconsider returning punts after he was lifted up from the ground and destroyed last night.

My Fantasy MVP: Pitt Defense, Oviously Purple Jesus was what won me my two matchups, but the Pitt D and a 2.75 point lead had to outperform Willis McGahee and Hines Ward. And thanks to James Harrison and Hines Ward's piss poor performance I won by 9.

New York Jets MVP: Enough with this, I guess Leon Washington will be the Jets MVP for the remainder of the season considering he should make the pro bowl and the rest should just start their offseason vacation now.

My Picks

My Picks: 7-7
Preseason Picks: 5-9
Picks Vs. Spread: 4-10

Well that was overly painful.

~I'm actually busy at work today, that blows, so instead of finding one topic to write about I'm just going to spit out a quicknotes post on random crap.

~I hate the Raiders, I hate the Raiders a lot. The fact that they gave up Randy Moss for a 4th round pick is an absolute disgrace. They should be ashamed at themselves for giving away the most talented football player in the NFL.

~I will hate anyone who says the Pats are overrated and that they are beatable. They won, they beat the Colts regardless of whether Marvin Harrison was out or not. The Cowboys and Colts have lost to nobody but the Patriots.

~I love Adrian Peterson. I was smart enough to draft Adrian Peterson in both of the Fantasy Leagues I am in. He is god. However because Jay Cutler decided to get hurt before he did anything, and once again I'm facing a team putting up a ton of points I need my 3 point cushion and the Pitt D to outperform Hines and Willis. So odds are I'm f*cked again.

~I love Norv Turner looking even more stupid than normal. Your opposition has no quarterback at all and yet you still can't stop the running back from posting the most yards in the history of football. Great coaching. Great Team Execution.

~I hate the New York Jets. I can't watch the games with any sense of joy and it isn't just because they are a 1-8 football team, it's mostly because no matter how well they are playing I know that they are just going to blow it in the long run. 14 point lead, nothing for the Jets to blow. And why drive to the 30 for a game winning field goal in OT when you can stall at the 40 and punt and lose. It really is just more depressing than angering. The Jets spur sadness.

~I enjoy FSU upsetting BC. BC is not one of the top 2 teams in the country and their loss should ensure them not playing in the title game for which they do not belong. Hopefully the Fighting Zookers or Wolverines will upset the Buckeyes so the same will happen to them. Also it's a official after Purdon't lost this weekend that the Buckeyes will not defeat anybody this regular season whom will finish with less than three losses.

~I love Mario Manningham. For all the talk about Mike Hart, Jake Long and Chad Henne somehow Manningham slips under the general publics radar. He is the reason Chad Henne puts up good numbers. He burnt his DB on every single deep route and had Henne ever thrown the ball in the same zip code as Manningham then they would not have had to pull off the game winning catch in the 4th.

~I want Oregon in the Championship game and I want Dennis Dixon to win the Heisman.

~I want FraudConn and WVU to each lose a game the remainder of the season that way neither threatens for an entrance into the BCS game.

~I don't quite understand why Rutgers sucks a fat one this season.

~I enjoy the collapse of some Big Time programs. To me the ineptitude of Miami, Nebraska and ND is very humorous. Perhaps the better word for their weekend performances is embarrasment. Losing to Navy for the first time since they were quarterbacked by Roger Staubach is embarrasing. Losing to NC State is embarrasing. And giving up 72 points to Kansas is down right pathetic.

~I dislike the Colts. For as much as I say I hate the Patriots, and I do, I don't like the Colts at all either and the entire game yesterday I sat on my couch not rooting for anyone and being generally bored the entire first half. I didn't understand why the Pats continued to try the run the ball and why the Colts continued to stall in the red zone. It was a boring half and the game should not be made out like it was a great game or superbly played. It wasn't.

~I love the White Warriors fantasy team. 6-3 in the opening week after I completed the full on bleach trading Amare and Quentin Richardson for Pau Gasol and Kyle Korver. Now we will see how the Pale compete during this NBA season.

~I don't think the Knicks are going to be that good. After watching a bit of their game last night against the T-Wolves I just don't know if Randolph fits on that team at all. Surely he has talent, but Curry still seems to be their focal low post option and I don't know if Randolph is going to adjust to that well.

~I hate the fact that Scalabrine gets significant minutes with the Celtics.

~Big Al is back to wearing his High School #25 which he couldn't wear with the Celtics but spurred the wonderful comment "Cause 2 + 5 = 7" when asked why he chose #7.

~I want to do something with my 7 remaining vacation days this year that doesn't involve sitting on my ass bored at home instead of sitting on my ass bored at work. Ideas?

~I enjoyed getting tanked this weekend and dressing up as MegaMan until Jimmy Bones decided he was going to continuously punch me in the head because I was wearing a helmet. Then I started blocking which resulted in him breaking my costume. None of this is a surprise.

~Oh and I might have written something at EC the past few weeks that you haven't read yet.

This season the NBA has listened to one of my many thoguht and has started to track a players +/- during the course of individual games. Due to my intense dislike of Brian Scalabrine, I am going to track the inept deadbeat in a weekly post called The Scalabrine Watch.

Celtics 103 Wizards 83: +13
Scals didn't suck in this blowout and started the season off in strong fashion of +13 which ranked 4th best on the team behind the Big 3.

Game Stats: 20 Minutes, 4-9, 9 Points, 3 Rebounds, 3 Assists

Celtics 98 Raptors 95: +7
The C's pulled off a big overtime win against the Raptors, no thanks to the miniscule stats provided by Scals. However, he did have a +7 rating.

Game Stats: 16 Minutes, 0-2, 0 Points, 3 Rebounds, 1 Assist

Overall Week Performance: +20
Scals had a decent opening week when it comes to +/- which is annoying to me. Eventually you would have to think that he is going to begin to start playing poorly and start bring them down atleast a little bit.

Week Stats: 36 Minutes, 4-11, 9 Points, 6 Rebounds, 4 Assists

Overall Season Performance: +20
The Cs are 2-0 and beat the crap out of the Wizards on friday night so obviously when you win by 20 it's doubtful you could have a negative plus minus. However the +7 in the Raptors game for which he

Season Stats:18.5 MPG, .364 FG%, 4.5 PPG, 3 RPG, 2 APG

Remember this is all about Quality Wins and Bad Losses so if you lose to a top ranked team its not going to kill you, if you lose to Appalachian St. in the opener it will haunt you the entire season. This season is just a big clusterf*ck, who the hell knows where these teams should be ranked and who exactly is the best of the bunch.

1. Louisiana State -The SEC is a batch of giant confusion. South Carolina looks good and then they can't do anything. Florida looks good then the fall for the 3rd time. LSU garners the top spot because they pummeled VaTech and have beaten the top of the SEC thus far with the exception of UGA. Quality Wins: VaTech, South Carolina, Florida, Auburn, @Alabama

2. Oregon - The Mighty Ducks took care of business and have to be the biggest Michigan supporters on the planet right now. If Michigan can win out that would give OSU one loss and make the Ducks slaughter of the Wolverines that much more impressive. Additionally they will be rooting for the Sun Devils and Trojans to win out as well.Quality Wins: @Michigan, USC, Arizona St., Houston

3. Oklahoma - I'm narrowly going to keep Oklahoma above the Buckeyes. And the margin is based almost solely on the success of Mizzou. The teams the Buckeyes have defeated may be upper echelon of the Big 10, but the Big 10 stinks. Atleast Mizzou knocked off Illinois. Quality Wins: Texas(n), Miami, Missouri, A&M Bad Loss: Colorado

4. Ohio St. - The Buckeyes need to not sleepwalk against the fighting Zookers this week and concentrate on this week before the big Michigan showdown. Run the table and they will be in the title game despite the fact that, unless the pummel the Wolverines, there will be significant evidence that Oregon is a better football team. Quality Wins: Purdon't, @Penn St., Wisconsin

5. Boston College -A tough loss for Matty Ice's Heisman hopes and the ACC's hope for a National Championship. They still should sit high in the rankings after their win over VT but they should expect a lot of residence when they head to Death Valley in two weeks.Quality Wins: Wake Forest, @VT

6. Georgia - The Bulldogs might be the second best team in the SEC this season. The problem? They lost to the Volunteers and no longer control their own destiny in the SEC East. They still have a few testers remaining and must hope that the Fat Fulmer's stumble during their matchups. Quality Wins: (n)Florida, @Bama, Troy

7. Kansas - The Eating Manginos certainly had their fill against the Cornhuskers spitting out 48 first half points against the Pink Shirts. If Kansas could run the table and defeat a 1 loss Mizzou and a 1 loss Oklahoma in the Big 12 title game they should play in the BCS title game.Quality Wins: @Kansas St., @A&M

8. Missouri -Mizzou heads out every week and pummels their competition. Additionally their win over Illinois is shaping out to be a solid one as the Fighting Zookers may be the 3rd best team in that poor conference. Quality Wins: @Illinois, Texas Tech

9. Virginia Tech - I haven't been overly impressed with Virginia Tech this season. They got pummeled by LSU and pulled a New York Jet esque choke against BC, but they did go into Death Valley and smoke Clemson so they have one big win at minimum. Quality Wins: @Clemson

10. Arizona St. -The Sun Devils could not get through their 4 week gauntlet which should come as a surprise to no one. If they can go out and defeat the Bruins this week and the Trojans next week then a BCS bowl bid should be within their grasp. The title game however probably slipped through their fingers this weekend. Quality Wins: Cal

11. Florida -In the never ending SEC swap at 11 the Gators move into the slot. I could have gone with Auburn instead, as they did beat the Gators, however the win over Troy is undervalued by most and they have two other solid wins. Quality Wins: Troy, Tennessee, @Kentucky

Dropped Out: South Florida's storied season is over. Bama's 3rd loss paved the way for the Gators to jump back in.

Noticeable Absences: West Virginia and Uconn can speak to me after they play each other. USC can talk if they beat the Sun Devils. Michigan will join the ranks if they run the table until then the crushing by Oregon and the shocker are too negative to bring them in.

Previous Weeks: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

(n) = neutral field

"I can't believe we just beat the great Notre Dame Fighting Irish this is awesome."
"Dude Notre Dame is 1-8 they suck, they're just as bad as Duke."
"Perhaps we are celebrating a bit too much."
"Ya our other three wins are probably better."







1. Coach can we please score 100, pretty please?
2. "Why is Bill Callahan still coaching?
3. I can't wait to see coach dominate the buffet line later.









1. I think we won.
2. We won right?
3. Where am I?







"So after the game I went up into the stands and the hot MILF just pulled me aside and started making out with me it was completely awesome."
"Dude... that was your mom."
"F*CK"





1. I never rock a deuce without max intensity.
2. This is me pooping on Coach Saban's forehead.
3. If I hold this pose any longer I will develop hemhroids.









1. I am so stoned right now this is f'n amazing.
2. Who'd we play? How did I get here? What's going on?
3. I sell Pot to fund raise for the next Dennis Dixon for Heisman billboard.



1. It's Division One Football Brotha it ain't intramurals brotha.
2. Everybody else is in the ticket refund line.
3. As much as we got smoked by Mizzou today, atleast I'm not a Cornhusker.




1. "Mrs. Clause told me I would get caught if I made out with Rudolph... I didn't listen."
2. I'm Major Applewhite, get it the red for apple the white for white. Aren't I clever?
3. I inhaled some paint chips when I was spray painting my beard white.






Coach Stoops " I would tell you that I'll offer you a job after you get canned, but that would be a lie."
Coach Franchione "I understand, I do suck plus your brother Mike will probably be looking to crawl back in a few months."
Coach Stoops "Ya he sucks too, but blood is blood unfortunately."






1. Yes Coach Nutt I know I'm a pimp.
2. Next time coach I'm gonna run for more than 336 yards, cause I'm smooth.
3. Darren Darren will autograph my hat, sign it out to Houston, like the city.





1. Don't mess with me dude, I'm Jacked. I have the arms of a marathon runner you do not want to mess with these Aggie Pythons.
2. The Pain Train is coming, woooooo.
3. I'm flexing to scare you away from pummeling me. is it working?








1. Look at this sweet Parka, I got it at the local mall only 5 dollars after the FSU varsity discount.
2. Matt Ryan for Heisman can officially be canceled.
3. We are the most inconsistent team in football. Woooo...

Poor Little Mac stands no chance against Don Flamenco.

~Made Fantasy Owners around the world wish they had selected him instead of Thomas Jones, Frank Gore, Cedric Benson... basically everybody except God (Tom Brady).

~Made LT look like a Pop Warner running back.

~Sprouted a few new hairs on Coach Childress's bald skull.

~Started a billion dollar hedge fund, cashed out and bought the Vikings Franchise.

~Warmed Minneapolis with his turbine engine legs to a crisp 55 degrees.

~Intimidated the Chargers Defense while on the sidelines allowing teammate Chester Taylor to plunge in for a touchdown.

~Straightened QB Tarvaris Jackson's spine after the paralyzing hit he received in the first half.

~Cured Cancer.

Here's a new type of rebus, Quick Hits or Quick Hitters haven't decided on the name. Anyway each # is a different person, place or thing. Each Quick Hitters will have a common theme. It shouldn't take that long to discovery what this theme is. Have at it. Post your answers in the comment.

There has been one good thing that has come out of the whole “Barry Bonds cheating to break the greatest individual record in sports” thing. (I know I can’t prove this, but come on, is there any doubt at this point?)

Barry has been a miserable, self-absorbed prick for most of his entire life as far as I can tell, and one man has used the beauty of American democracy to give all of us the voice we needed to tell Barry what we think of him. That’s right, the American hero, Marc Ecko. This guy needs to go down in history next to Paul Bunyan, John Wayne, George Washington, and The Guy That Invented Kodiak Smokeless Tobacco Products. If we’re going to have a non-president on the $10 bill, it may as well be Ecko. What has George Hamilton done for you lately?

Not only has Ecko allowed us to have Barry’s ball branded, but he has the homerun “king” so flustered that he is threatening to boycott the Hall of Fame if they display the ball. Talk about killing two birds with one stone. There is no way the Hall isn’t going to display the ball. I’ll tell you right now, I’ve never been to Cooperstown, to my regret, but having the asterisk ball on display may finally get me in the car some weekend. I doubt I’m the only one that feels that way, and I’m sure the Hall knows that.

So let me get this straight Barry, if they display the ball at the Hall of Fame, you’re going to refuse admission if you get voted in? Done and done.

I feel the mediocre results already.

5. San Francisco 49ers (+3 1/2) at Atlanta Falcons
The Falcons are favored in a game? This is a typo right? They are giving 3 1/2 points? I know the 49ers are bad but they do have their quarterback now and they are playing the Falcons. So they should atleast stay close right?

4. Dallas Cowboys(-3 1/2) at Philadelphia Eagles
The Cowgirls had a comfy bye week and should be firing on all cylinders when they head to philly this weekend. Meanwhile the Eagles have not been a particularly solid team this season and they are only getting a field goal. In a shootout the Cowboys should win by more than that.

3. Washington Redskins (-3 1/2) at New York Jets
Apparently the last two weeks I've been completely delusional and for some reason thought the Jets would actually win a game. No longer, they will lose the rest of the season, except to the Dolphins, and will lose this week by much more than a field goal.

2. Cincinnati Bengals (+1 1/2) vs. Buffalo Bills
The Bills suck. They aren't any good, the only reason they have 3 wins is because they play in the AFC East and were able to play the Jets twice thus far this season. If the Bengals had played the Jets twice instead of just once they would have 3 wins as well.

1. New England Patriots (-5 1/2) at Indianapolis Colts
Sure this is a questionable spread for a team playing at home and undefeated. But whatever the Patriots are Gods and the Colts are mere mortals with very sufficient firepower and armor. Gods defeat mortals and the dome provides no homefield advantage for the Colts. 35-27 Pats.

Survivor League Pick: Death to Norv Chargers

The pick this week is the Redskins. Sure they're coming off a 45 point loss and on the road. But they're playing the New York Jets, they are going to win, and it really doesn't matter cause Norv already eliminated me.

Non-Spread Picks

Everyone needs something to keep them occupied on Friday afternoons so the Friday Video Blowout was born. Spend your next few minutes laughing, crying of laughter, pissing your self, whatever, but mostly wasting your companies' time.

Videos, in order, courtesy of Grand National Champs, Red Sox Monster, Extra Mustard, Who Ate All the Pies, Home Run Derby, With Leather, Fanhouse, Big Ten Tailgate


That was sweet.


Mario apparently does not spit fire when wearing purple.


My dreams in song form.


I did this in college at a party once, but it was with real people.


I am thankful I do not live anywhere near Conidi anymore.


This guy should hustle folks, but he should try to avoid getting Munsoned.


Brandon Jacobs was certainly impressed by the pushups.


I don't think you could possibly have a more depressing loss.


Um Ohio State might want to relax a bit.

A little bit of snatch and a little bit of douchebaggery this week. 1. Scott Boras - A pretty easy candidate selection for this week. The man has no respect for anything. Regardless of who leaked what to the press, he's the one that sent the text messages and the voice mails saying Arod opted out during the final game of the World Series. And then to top it off you give some meaningless excuse to why he opted out and then the next day say you regret doing it during the Series. Shut up. 2. Lance Armstrong - You would think that in most cases a professional athlete would not be interested in dating a toothpick who allegedly struggled with eating disorders. Apparently not Lance Armstrong, who has gone from wife, to pop star, to designer, to an Olsen twin? Lance you realize that she was in Full House as the cute adorable baby when you were in college. And she isn't even hot, at least find a 21 year old that is hot and doesn't have coke issues. 3. Toyo Shigeta - If you were the CEO of a decent sized ad agency what would one of your hobbies be? Taking pictures of your female clients nether regions of course. What makes your employees enjoy your leadership more than a nice picture of Maria Sharapova's vagina. If that doesn't work to motivate your male employees then most likely nothing will. [Toyo gets on the list for getting caught] 4. VT Equipment Managers - Typically I would think it would be a relatively simple objective if you were an equipment manager for a college team. Bring the equipment and try to bring them clean. Clean is probably the secondary objective, while bringing the equipment seems imperative. But I guess if you forget your uniforms you could just borrow the other teams and use a Sharpie to write the players names on the back. Get Your Vote On Last Weeks Winner: Stan Vaughn

Opinion Polls & Market Research

5. Rutgers Scarlet Knights at Uconn Huskies
Uconn is somehow ranked 13th in the country despite the fact that they really have lost 3 games. Apparently they spend cash in ref briberies as well as Tressel pays his players. Rutgers has the talent to go into Hartford and knock the Huskies off of their undefeated Big East pedestal. The Pick: I'm Picking FraudConn to lose every week until they do.

4. Wisconsin Badgers at Ohio State Buckeyes
Another 'exciting' Big 10 matchup. And by exciting I mean painstakingly boring. This matchup will provide rough and tough run football and defense, or so the Big 10 would like you to think. In reality its a mostly untested Buckeyes team against a vastly overrated Wisconsin team that was throttled by Penn St. who was throttled by the Buckeyes during a Whiteout. The Pick: Ohio State in another snoozer.

3. Florida State Seminoles at Boston College Eagles
This game is completely flying under the radar because the Seminoles have spent almost the entire season unranked and unheralded. However, they still are Florida St., they still have a lot of athletes and the potential to beat anyone in the country. They most likely have a better chance to beat BC than does Wisconsin beating Ohio State. The Pick: I want to Pick FSU but I can't. Hopefully I'm wrong.

2. Louisiana State Tigers at Alabama Crimson Tide
The last real tester for the Tigers prior to playing in the SEC title game. Nick Saban facing off against his successor. Both teams sit at 4-1 in the SEC and the winner of this matchup will almost certainly represent the SEC West in the title game. Win and LSU should have one more test before the BCS title game, lose and their season is pretty much over. The Pick: Going out on a limb and picking the Crimson Tide.

1. Arizona State Sun Devils at Oregon Ducks
The battle between two teams that were so heralded in the preseason that the game was scheduled to be shown only in the states of Oregon and Arizona. Thankfully ESPN stepped in and will broadcast the game. Arizona St. helped out their legitimacy by knocking off Cal last week and if they could ever run the Cal, Oregon, USC, UCLA gauntlet in 4 straight weeks they should jump into the top 2. Meanwhile a win for the Ducks will help them in their claim as the best 1 loss team in the country. The Pick: Mighty Ducks yet again.

The Degrees of Loss Separation is a simple concept, I go out and find a highly rated team with some losses playing against a crappy team with lots of losses. Next I find a chain of losses which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt (not at all) that the underdog is going to pull the major upset and storm the field. The Final Outcome is calculated simply: Add up the scores of the losers, add up the scores of the winners in the degrees of loss separation and divide both by the # of degrees.

The Game: Navy Midshipmen vs. Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Navy and Notre Dame go out Saturday in a traditional matchup which no one will be watching. Notre Dame has a 43 game winning streak in this 'rivalry'. Every year the Midshipmen come to the game and every year they go home disappointed and forced to listen to that annoying fight song. Will this year be different? Will the 3 fans watching the game on NBC learn the Navy Fight Song?

4º of Loss Separation : Navy beat Duke beat Northwestern beat Michigan St. beat Notre Dame

The Midshipmen lined up against illustrious Duke and somehow someway managed to sneak away with a 3 point home margin. The loss by Duke was understandable since they were coming off what was a huge victory at Big 10 Powerhouse Northwestern. After 2 consecutive losses following the Duke loss the Wildcats went up to East Lansing and knocked off the Michigan St. Spartans by a touchdown which was again understandable since the Spartans were still celebrating their 31-14 throttling of Notre Dame two weeks prior.

Final Outcome: Navy 36 Notre Dame 28

This is the year for Navy to knock off Notre Dame and further the embarrasment that is Charlie Weis football. Not Bob Davie nor Ty Willingham ever lost to the Midshipmen, when Charlie becomes the first to collapse to a service academy since the era of Roger Staubach. I can't wait until the hilarity on saturday afternoon.